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1
00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:03,033
YES, I AM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
2
00:00:03,034 --> 00:00:05,175
YOU'RE STUPIDER.
NO, YOU'RE STUPIDER.
3
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:06,176
HEY, YOU TWO,
KNOCK IT OFF OVER THERE!
4
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:08,007
KYLE, WILL YOU JUST SIT STILL?
5
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,710
LEAVE MY FACE ALONE.
6
00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:17,647
COOL! AN EYELASH!
7
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:19,119
MAKE A WISH!
8
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:24,124
WHATEVER WILL I WISH FOR?
(blows)
9
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:28,098
HEY, JIM, I'M OFF TO GO SEE
"PIGGY GOES TO PARIS."
10
00:00:28,099 --> 00:00:32,102
GUY ALONE AT A KIDDIE MOVIE
WITH A BAG FULL OF CANDY...
11
00:00:32,103 --> 00:00:34,604
WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE.
I NEED TO BORROW THE BRATS.
12
00:00:34,605 --> 00:00:37,637
FANTASTIC. GO!
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
13
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,811
(Children) YAY!
14
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,381
(blows)
15
00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:54,624
HEY. WHERE ARE THE KIDS?
16
00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,526
OH, THEY WENT TO THE MOVIES
WITH ANDY.
17
00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:58,128
WE'RE ALONE?
YEAH.
18
00:00:58,129 --> 00:01:00,731
UPSTAIRS, NAKED, NOW!
19
00:01:06,797 --> 00:01:08,838
(blows) (Cheryl) AND GRAB
THE LEFTOVER PIZZA.
20
00:01:08,839 --> 00:01:12,303
WE'LL EAT IT IN BED AFTERWARDS
WHILE WE WATCH FOOTBALL.
21
00:01:15,746 --> 00:01:20,110
I'VE GOT MAGIC HAIR.
22
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:23,114
♪♪♪
23
00:01:28,819 --> 00:01:32,322
HEY.
HEY.
24
00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:33,823
LOOKS LIKE
I'M EATING HERE TONIGHT.
25
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:36,196
SEEMS MY HUSBAND PREFERS
TEACHING MED STUDENTS
26
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,867
HOW TO KNOCK UP
50-YEAR-OLD WOMEN
27
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:39,799
TO ACTUALLY KNOCKING ME UP.
28
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,101
I TOLD YOU,
MARRY BLUE COLLAR.
29
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,534
YOU DO MORE LAUNDRY, BUT
THEY'RE HOME FOR DINNER. YEAH.
30
00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:46,105
MOM?
YEAH?
31
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,179
WHAT'S "KNOCKING UP"?
32
00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:54,514
UH, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW
WHEN YOU KNOCK SOMEBODY DOWN?
33
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,587
WELL,
IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
34
00:01:57,588 --> 00:02:01,451
HEY, I KNOW!
LET'S GO KNOCK UP KYLE!
35
00:02:01,452 --> 00:02:03,823
OKAY!
36
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,425
SORRY.
37
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,157
AH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
38
00:02:07,158 --> 00:02:09,128
LAST WEEK, JIM TOLD THEM
"KNOCKING BOOTS"
39
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,801
WAS WHAT YOU DID TO
GET THE SNOW OFF YOUR FEET.
40
00:02:11,802 --> 00:02:14,334
I FORGET THEY'RE AT THE AGE
WHEN THEY HAVE QUESTIONS.
41
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,636
YEAH, WELL, I THINK RUBY'S
ABOUT TO HAVE A LOT MORE.
42
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,439
THEY'RE SHOWING
A SEX ED VIDEO TO HER CLASS.
43
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,910
YOU KNOW IT'S STATE LAW?
44
00:02:20,911 --> 00:02:24,174
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEARN
ABOUT SEX THE WAY WE DID,
45
00:02:24,175 --> 00:02:26,816
AT CAMP FROM THE HAIRY GIRL
WITH THE HIPPIE PARENTS?
46
00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:30,320
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM
THINKING THEY CAN'T GET PREGNANT
47
00:02:30,321 --> 00:02:32,482
IF THEY DO IT IN A TREE.
48
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,754
WE GOT SO LUCKY.
49
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,227
SERIOUSLY.
50
00:02:37,228 --> 00:02:38,858
ANYWAY, ALL THE PARENTS
51
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,160
HAVE TO SEE THE VIDEO FIRST
TOMORROW NIGHT,
52
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,592
AND I HAVE TO BREAK IT
TO JIM.
53
00:02:42,593 --> 00:02:44,894
OH, MY GOD, WILL YOU TAKE
A PICTURE OF HIS FACE
54
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:47,838
THE MOMENT HE REALIZES HIS
DAUGHTER WILL ONE DAY HAVE SEX?
55
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,172
NO, GIRLS, THAT'S NOT
WHAT "KNOCKING UP" MEANS!
56
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,275
JUST LEAVE
YOUR LITTLE BROTHER ALONE!
57
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,706
STOP IT!
58
00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:58,678
WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THEM?
59
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,680
OH, YOU WON'T CARE
IN A MINUTE.
60
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,181
WHAT?
61
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,254
UH, HONEY,
SO TOMORROW NIGHT,
62
00:03:04,255 --> 00:03:06,256
WE'RE GONNA GO
TO RUBY'S SCHOOL AND...
63
00:03:06,257 --> 00:03:10,221
AND WATCH A SEX ED VIDEO THAT
THEY'RE GONNA SHOW TO HER CLASS.
64
00:03:18,869 --> 00:03:22,672
(groans)
65
00:03:22,673 --> 00:03:24,334
CHAIR.
66
00:03:24,335 --> 00:03:25,735
CHAIR.
67
00:03:25,736 --> 00:03:27,307
BEER.
BEER.
68
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,879
BEER.
69
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,341
OUT.
70
00:03:31,342 --> 00:03:32,882
OH, COME ON.
71
00:03:32,883 --> 00:03:34,784
HE MEANS YOU.
72
00:03:34,785 --> 00:03:36,847
RUN. RUN!
(screams)
73
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,623
OKAY, HONEY.
74
00:03:51,962 --> 00:03:53,704
(burps)
75
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:58,508
CHERYL.
76
00:03:58,509 --> 00:03:59,739
MM-HMM?
77
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,511
I THOUGHT WE COVERED THIS.
78
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:04,444
HOW DO WE
BREAK BAD NEWS TO ME?
79
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,847
AFTER SEX, OR WHEN
YOU'RE CASHING YOUR PAYCHECK.
80
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,920
THAT'S REGULAR BAD NEWS.
THIS IS SPECIAL BAD NEWS!
81
00:04:10,921 --> 00:04:13,983
WELL, JIM, I DIDN'T HAVE
ENOUGH EGGS TO MAKE FLAN.
82
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:16,456
SEX ED VIDEO, MY EYE.
83
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,988
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
84
00:04:18,989 --> 00:04:21,461
SHE'S NOT GONNA WATCH
NO SEX ED VIDEO.
85
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,664
THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID.
SHE'S ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!
86
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:27,036
WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
SHE'S 10.
87
00:04:27,037 --> 00:04:28,598
10?
YES.
88
00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:30,300
SHE'S ALREADY 10?!
YES, HONEY.
89
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,742
AND SECONDLY,
IT'S ILLINOIS STATE LAW.
90
00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:34,474
ILLINOIS, HUH?
YEAH.
91
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,347
YEAH. ILLINOIS.
92
00:04:37,348 --> 00:04:41,881
ILLINOIS WITH THE SILENT "S."
93
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,854
LOOK, JIM,
ALL THE KIDS IN HER CLASS
94
00:04:44,855 --> 00:04:46,856
ARE GONNA BE
SEEING THIS MOVIE.
95
00:04:46,857 --> 00:04:49,359
NOW DO YOU WANT HER TO
GET THE INFORMATION FIRSTHAND
96
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,921
OR ON THE PLAYGROUND LATER
FROM HER FRIENDS?
97
00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:54,063
YOU LET HER TALK TO KIDS
AT A PLAYGROUND
98
00:04:54,064 --> 00:04:56,065
WHO TALK ABOUT SEX?!
99
00:04:56,066 --> 00:04:58,628
SHE'S GONNA HEAR
SOMETHING SOMEWHERE,
100
00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:01,671
AND CHANCES ARE
IT'S NOT GONNA BE ACCURATE.
101
00:05:01,672 --> 00:05:03,072
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
102
00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:05,905
YOU KNOW, I WENT OUT
WITH A GIRL ONCE
103
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,977
WHO THOUGHT IF YOU
DID IT IN A TREE,
104
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:10,710
YOU COULDN'T GET PREGNANT,
105
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,942
I GOT SO LUCKY.
106
00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:15,446
AND SHE DIDN'T GET PREGNANT.
107
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,090
WELL, I GET IT.
108
00:05:21,091 --> 00:05:23,453
I DO. I GET IT.
109
00:05:23,454 --> 00:05:25,455
IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
110
00:05:25,456 --> 00:05:27,457
I THINK RUBY SHOULD LEARN,
YOU KNOW,
111
00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:30,760
A HEALTHY, MATURE APPROACH
TO THE OLD "SQUEAKY SQUEAKY."
112
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:33,503
YEAH, HONEY.
113
00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:36,466
AH, SHE'S SURE LUCKY
TO HAVE A DAD LIKE YOU.
114
00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:38,968
YOU KNOW "SQUEAKY SQUEAKY"
MEANS SEX, RIGHT?
115
00:05:38,969 --> 00:05:40,510
YEAH, I KNOW.
116
00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:43,943
IF WE WERE IN A HOT TUB,
IT WOULD BE "SPLASHY SPLASHY."
117
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,675
YEAH, I GOT IT.
118
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,577
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'D CALL IT
IF YOU WERE ON A TRAMPOLINE?
119
00:05:47,578 --> 00:05:49,048
NO.
120
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,981
"BOINGY BOINGY."
121
00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:54,984
HEY, HEY,
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
122
00:05:54,985 --> 00:05:57,757
"ANNOYING ANNOYING."
123
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,630
ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT
"CLEVER CLEVER"?
124
00:06:00,631 --> 00:06:03,863
HEY, JIM,
RUBY'S GONNA DO IT.
125
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,997
(gasps)
126
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,679
HI, MRS. CLARK.
127
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,452
CHERYL, IT'S SO GOOD TO
SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
128
00:06:22,453 --> 00:06:25,014
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT
I DON'T GET.
129
00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:27,687
ALL THE TAXES
I'M PAYING FOR SCHOOLS,
130
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:31,120
AND YOU PEOPLE CAN'T PUT OUT
A FEW LOUSY SNACKS?
131
00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:33,423
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
LET'S GO AND TAKE OUR SEATS,
132
00:06:33,424 --> 00:06:35,725
AND WE'LL GET STARTED,
THANK YOU. FINE.
133
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:36,966
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
134
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:38,568
NOW AS MOST OF YOU KNOW,
135
00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:40,800
THIS IS MY FIRST YEAR
TEACHING FIFTH GRADE,
136
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,001
SO I HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM.
137
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,904
BUT THEY'VE BEEN SHOWING IT HERE
FOR YEARS WITHOUT ANY COMPLAINT.
138
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,877
IT'S CALLED "ANSWER THE PHONE,
PUBERTY'S CALLING."
139
00:06:47,878 --> 00:06:51,581
PUBERTY.
140
00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:54,584
IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG NIGHT.
141
00:06:54,585 --> 00:06:57,518
LONG.
142
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,054
OH, HI.
143
00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:07,757
YOU'RE EARLY.
144
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,999
ANYWAY, MY NAME IS BEN.
145
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,033
AND, OH, HERE COMES
MY GOOD FRIEND MARGO.
146
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,005
WHAT'S HAPPENING, BEN?
147
00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:17,507
HEY, MARGO.
148
00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:19,108
HI, KIDS.
149
00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:21,871
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU
ON A GROOVY TRIP
150
00:07:21,872 --> 00:07:24,013
TO BETTER UNDERSTANDING
YOUR CHANGING BODIES.
151
00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:25,715
FAR OUT, MARGO.
152
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:27,016
YOU BOYS OUT THERE
153
00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:29,078
MAY HAVE NOTICED
SOME NEW STUFF GOING DOWN...
154
00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:31,581
LIKE HAIR GROWING AROUND
YOUR PENIS AND TESTICLES.
155
00:07:31,582 --> 00:07:33,483
DON'T FREAK OUT.
156
00:07:33,484 --> 00:07:35,885
(muffled laughter)
157
00:07:35,886 --> 00:07:37,687
GET A GRIP.
158
00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:39,859
GRIP. GET A GRIP.
159
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,931
AND I'LL BE RAPPING
WITH THE GALS.
160
00:07:41,932 --> 00:07:43,733
REMEMBER, YOUNG PEOPLE
JUST LIKE YOU
161
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,865
ARE GOING THROUGH
THE SAME THING
162
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,098
ALL OVER
THIS BIG BLUE MARBLE.
163
00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:54,805
LIKE MY FRIEND CINDY.
164
00:07:55,906 --> 00:07:59,008
(rings)
165
00:07:59,009 --> 00:08:00,881
(ring)
166
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,554
(ring)
167
00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:07,056
HELLO. THIS IS CINDY.
168
00:08:07,057 --> 00:08:09,218
HELLO, CINDY,
GUESS WHO?
169
00:08:09,219 --> 00:08:11,161
IT'S PUBERTY CALLING.
170
00:08:13,223 --> 00:08:17,567
SOMEDAY SOON, YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE YOUR FIRST PERIOD.
171
00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:20,099
BUT I HAVE
A SOCIAL STUDIES QUIZ.
172
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,132
DON'T WORRY.
YOU WON'T MISS THAT QUIZ.
173
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:25,505
BUT YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY
TO BECOMING A WOMAN.
174
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,540
OH, MY GOD.
175
00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:33,943
YOU SEE, CINDY, YOUR
UTERINE LINING WILL THICKEN
176
00:08:33,944 --> 00:08:36,716
AND SLOUGH OFF EVERY 28 DAYS.
177
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,088
THIS IS CALLED MENSTRUATION.
178
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:40,650
IT HAPPENS TO EVERY WOMAN.
179
00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:42,792
ASK YOUR MOM TONIGHT
AT SUPPERTIME.
180
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:46,926
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
181
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,858
IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL
182
00:08:48,859 --> 00:08:50,961
WHEN MY DAUGHTER
WATCHES A TAPE LIKE THIS!
183
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,937
I-I'M SORRY.
184
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,711
NOT A FAN OF MENSTRUATION.
185
00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:07,647
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LET'S STASH
THIS STUFF IN MY TRUNK.
186
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,079
I SCORED BATTERIES,
ENGLISH MUFFINS... OOH...
187
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,021
AND THE NEW "US WEEKLY."
OH.
188
00:09:12,022 --> 00:09:15,054
I GOT COFFEE AND BUBBLE BATH.
I JUST LOVE BABY-SITTING HERE.
189
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,056
IT SAVES ME
A TRIP TO THE MARKET.
190
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:21,161
CHERYL,
I DON'T WANNA EXPLAIN.
191
00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,042
I'M NOT GIVING BACK THE TAPE.
192
00:09:33,043 --> 00:09:34,273
JIM...
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
193
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,005
IF YOU DON'T GIVE BACK THE TAPE,
YOU LOOK CRAZY.
194
00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:37,977
AND I LOOK CRAZY
FOR MARRYING YOU.
195
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,049
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S CRAZY.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY?
196
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,951
ALL THE BATTERIES
AND ENGLISH MUFFINS
197
00:09:41,952 --> 00:09:44,714
WE GO THROUGH IN THIS HOUSE!
THAT'S CRAZY!
198
00:09:44,715 --> 00:09:47,156
HEY, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HOME SO EARLY?
199
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:50,960
JIM STOLE THE SEX ED VIDEO IN
FRONT OF EVERYBODY AND RAN OUT!
200
00:09:50,961 --> 00:09:56,996
OH, JIM, IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS,
YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME.
201
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,368
HEY, I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW TO GET AFTER IT.
202
00:09:59,369 --> 00:10:02,932
HONEY, LOOK...
203
00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:06,105
YOU'RE JUST FREAKING OUT BECAUSE
YOU'RE STARTING TO REALIZE
204
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,938
THAT YOUR LITTLE GIRL
IS BECOMING A YOUNG WOMAN.
205
00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:10,980
YOU'RE NOT UPSET
ABOUT THE TAPE.
206
00:10:10,981 --> 00:10:14,013
YOU'RE UPSET THAT
PUBERTY'S CALLING.
207
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,986
I'M UPSET, CHERYL.
208
00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:19,288
I'M UPSET ABOUT THE TAPE,
AND YOU WILL BE, TOO,
209
00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:21,291
AS SOON AS YOU SEE IT.
210
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,197
SEE THAT GIRL?
211
00:10:28,198 --> 00:10:30,359
YEAH. THAT'S CINDY.
HMM.
212
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,832
WHAT, YOU THINK
SHE'S 40, 45 NOW?
213
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,835
LIKES TO GET AFTER IT?
214
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,309
YOU SEE THAT BOY IN
THE BACKGROUND? YEAH.
215
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,311
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY
216
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:46,176
ABOUT A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY'S
FIRST AND ONLY ACTING JOB.
217
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:57,156
IS THAT...
218
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,030
A BOY NAMED JIM.
219
00:11:07,037 --> 00:11:10,840
MY MOTHER USED TO MAKE ME DO
ALL KINDS OF THINGS FOR MONEY.
220
00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:14,774
SHE USED TO MAKE ME STEAL DOGS
AND RETURN THEM FOR THE REWARD.
221
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:18,447
ONE TIME, I HUNG AROUND
A TRACK FOR A WEEK
222
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:22,211
TRYING TO GET A HORSE
TO KICK ME IN THE HEAD.
223
00:11:22,212 --> 00:11:25,985
THIS MOVIE ACTUALLY WAS
ONE OF THE BETTER GIGS.
224
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,987
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
225
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,789
YOU DID A SEX ED MOVIE.
226
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:33,162
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
A SEX ED MOVIE TILL TONIGHT.
227
00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:35,465
SHE TOLD ME
IT WAS A HORROR FILM.
228
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:41,901
JIM TEACHING KIDS ABOUT SEX?
I'M SCARED.
229
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,734
HEY, JIM, SOMETHING ELSE
WE HAVE IN COMMON...
230
00:11:44,735 --> 00:11:47,036
I, TOO, WAS A CHILD ACTOR.
NAY, STAR.
231
00:11:47,037 --> 00:11:51,010
STAR? YOU WERE A GOOFY KID
SELLING CAKE MIX.
232
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,183
MOMMA DIBBS
OLD-FASHIONED CAKE MIX.
233
00:11:54,184 --> 00:11:56,746
AND I BEAT OUT CUSACK
FOR THAT PART.
234
00:11:56,747 --> 00:11:58,447
TIMMY CUSACK!
235
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:00,750
STILL A CUSACK!
236
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:02,491
WOULD YOU STOP IT?
237
00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:06,095
JIM, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT.
238
00:12:06,096 --> 00:12:07,997
I MEAN, YOU'RE JUST A BOY
IN THE BACKGROUND.
239
00:12:07,998 --> 00:12:09,859
CHERYL, NOW YOU KNOW ME.
240
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:13,002
WHEN HAVE I EVER STAYED
IN THE BACKGROUND?
241
00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:15,134
(Ben)
FRED LIKES TO LOOK AT CINDY.
242
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,867
SHE'S THE GROOVIEST GIRL
IN CLASS.
243
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:21,040
YEAH, I REMEMBER THIS NOW.
244
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:25,344
THAT DIRECTOR JERK TOLD ME
THAT CINDY WAS A GHOST,
245
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,477
AND THAT I SHOULD LOOK AT HER,
BE SCARED,
246
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,950
AND THEN LOOK DOWN.
247
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,751
WHY DOWN?
248
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,955
OH, GOD.
249
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:39,860
BUT SOMETIMES LOOKING AT CINDY
GETS FRED EXCITED.
250
00:12:41,832 --> 00:12:43,492
IT'S OKAY, FRED.
251
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:46,296
DON'T WORRY.
EVERYTHING'S COOL.
252
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:50,300
(phone rings)
253
00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,402
HE...
254
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:56,045
(clears throat) HELLO?
255
00:12:56,046 --> 00:12:57,877
(Ben) PUBERTY'S CALLING YOU,
TOO, FRED.
256
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,778
THAT'S WHY
YOUR VOICE IS CRACKING
257
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,112
AND YOU'RE DEVELOPING
BODY ODOR AND PIMPLES.
258
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:05,915
YOU'RE A REAL TREAT, FRED.
259
00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:09,018
NOBODY CAN SEE THIS TAPE.
I'M NOT GIVING IT BACK.
260
00:13:09,019 --> 00:13:10,860
YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK.
261
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:13,062
IF YOU DON'T,
THEY'LL JUST GET ANOTHER COPY.
262
00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:15,794
CRAP, I DIDN'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT THAT.
263
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,296
WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
264
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,228
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE BIG DEAL IS, DANA.
265
00:13:19,229 --> 00:13:21,230
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS.
266
00:13:21,231 --> 00:13:23,372
I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER
LEARNING ABOUT MEN
267
00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:25,535
BY WATCHING HER FATHER
POP ONE!
268
00:13:28,078 --> 00:13:30,579
THERE'S NO WAY I CAN HAVE
MY DAUGHTER SEE THIS.
269
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:34,244
MY LITTLE SWEETHEART
IS NOT GONNA WATCH THIS TAPE!
270
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:38,417
WE CAN STILL WATCH IT.
271
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:42,992
THERE ARE A LOT OF CHANGES
GOING ON INSIDE OF FRED.
272
00:13:42,993 --> 00:13:44,894
(Margo)
LET'S LOOK AT A CROSS SECTION
273
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:46,195
OF HIS TESTICLES AND PENIS.
274
00:13:46,196 --> 00:13:48,097
OH! OKAY, WE'RE DONE HERE.
275
00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:49,529
YEAH.
276
00:13:55,205 --> 00:13:58,067
YEAH. SORRY ABOUT
THE BLINDFOLD, JIM.
277
00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:00,209
I JUST CAN'T TAKE
ANY CHANCES.
278
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:03,313
IF THIS LOCATION EVER GOT OUT,
WELL, THAT COULD BE BAD.
279
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,017
THIS IS YOUR BASEMENT.
280
00:14:08,018 --> 00:14:11,020
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
281
00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:14,023
ANDY, I HELPED YOU
PUT THE DRYWALL UP.
282
00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:17,356
I CAN HEAR MY KIDS
PLAYING OUTSIDE.
283
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,959
DAMN IT, NOW I GOTTA
KNOCK YOU OUT. OH, STOP IT.
284
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,860
WILL YOU BE SERIOUS
FOR A MINUTE HERE?
285
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,862
COME ON, MAN,
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
286
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,995
NOW SHOW ME
WITH ALL THIS CRAP
287
00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:27,997
HOW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
THIS VIDEO DIFFERENT
288
00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:30,269
SO NOBODY KNOWS IT'S ME.
HEY, JIM, COME ON.
289
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,401
PUTTING A HEAD
ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY...
290
00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:33,973
IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE.
291
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,005
I DO IT FOR MY FRIENDS'
ONLINE DATING PHOTOS
292
00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:37,106
ALL THE TIME, OKAY?
293
00:14:37,107 --> 00:14:40,009
JUST LET ME FIRE UP
THE COMPUTER, ALL RIGHT?
294
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:41,982
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
COMPUTER ON.
295
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:56,295
IT SEEMS SOME PRANKSTERS HAVE
INFILTRATED MY LOCATION HERE.
296
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,427
COME ON, MAN.
FIND A HEAD TO REPLACE MINE.
297
00:14:58,428 --> 00:15:00,129
OH, I GOT
THE PERFECT ONE IN MIND.
298
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,133
DID YOU EVER SEE MY
CAKE COMMERCIAL? NO.
299
00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:16,115
MMM, GIMME A PIECE OF THAT!
300
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,147
RIGHT THERE.
YOU SEE THAT?
301
00:15:18,148 --> 00:15:20,189
THE BODIES, THE EXPRESSION,
IT'S PERFECT.
302
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:21,991
I MEAN,
IT'S GONNA TAKE ALL NIGHT,
303
00:15:21,992 --> 00:15:24,193
BUT I CAN HAVE IT TO YOU
BY MORNING. ALL RIGHT.
304
00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:27,156
OH, JIM, DON'T TELL ANYONE
YOU WERE HERE.
305
00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:28,658
NOT A PROBLEM.
306
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,303
I GUESS I JUST FREAKED OUT
307
00:15:34,304 --> 00:15:37,036
AT THE THOUGHT OF
MY SWEET, DARLING LITTLE ANGEL
308
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,039
BECOMING THIS MENSTRUATING...
309
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,240
THAT'S RIGHT.
310
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,273
A MENSTRUATING WOMAN.
311
00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:48,047
AND IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
312
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,948
IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, JIM.
THANK YOU.
313
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,181
DID YOU NOTICE I PUT
OUT SNACKS? OH, YEAH.
314
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:55,424
YEAH, APPLES AND CARROTS.
315
00:15:55,425 --> 00:15:57,357
OH, WELL.
316
00:16:00,991 --> 00:16:05,435
I HOPE MY NERD BROTHER
CAME THROUGH FOR US.
317
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:11,170
OH, MY GOD,
THAT LOOKS GREAT.
318
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,372
YEAH. HE DID GOOD.
319
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,204
(Ben) FRED LIKES TO
LOOK AT CINDY.
320
00:16:15,205 --> 00:16:17,676
SHE'S THE GROOVIEST GIRL
IN CLASS.
321
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,709
MMM, GIMME A PIECE
OF THAT!
322
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,984
THAT IDIOT FORGOT TO
ERASE THE AUDIO!
323
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,587
BUT SOMETIMES LOOKING AT CINDY
324
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,419
GETS FRED EXCITED.
325
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:33,492
BETTER SAVE SOME
FOR DADDY!
326
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,465
THIS IS NOT EDUCATIONAL!
THIS IS A PORNO!
327
00:16:36,466 --> 00:16:38,267
I WANT MINE
WITH WHIPPED CREAM!
328
00:16:38,268 --> 00:16:40,029
(all groaning)
329
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,630
YOU KNOW, JIM WAS RIGHT.
330
00:16:41,631 --> 00:16:43,432
OUR KIDS SHOULD NEVER
SEE THIS VIDEO.
331
00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:45,334
I'M SORRY. I HAD NO IDEA.
332
00:16:45,335 --> 00:16:48,307
I WANT TO SPEAK TO
THE PRINCIPAL.
333
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,478
YES!
334
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:51,680
I DEMAND THAT YOU
GET A NEW TAPE
335
00:16:51,681 --> 00:16:53,482
AND NEVER, EVER USE THIS TAPE
EVER AGAIN!
336
00:16:53,483 --> 00:16:56,715
I MEAN, COME ON, PLEASE.
337
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,049
WE HAVE TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN
FROM FILTH LIKE THIS.
338
00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:01,550
YES.
339
00:17:01,551 --> 00:17:03,552
AND SERIOUSLY...
APPLES AND CARROTS!
340
00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:05,294
WE'RE DONE GROWING!
341
00:17:05,295 --> 00:17:09,027
HOW ABOUT SOME...
SOME PRETZELS AND WINGS?
342
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,599
(All) YEAH!
343
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,562
HOW ABOUT PRETZELS,
BEERS AND WINGS?
344
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,164
(All)
PRETZELS, BEERS AND WINGS!
345
00:17:15,165 --> 00:17:17,666
PRETZELS, BEERS
AND WINGS! OH, MY!
346
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,268
PRETZELS,
BEERS AND WINGS!
347
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:20,569
OH, YES!
348
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:22,612
PRETZELS,
BEERS AND WINGS!
349
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,247
HEY.
350
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,518
HEY.
351
00:17:29,519 --> 00:17:31,280
SO, SO, SO,
SO HOW DID IT GO?
352
00:17:31,281 --> 00:17:33,822
GREAT. RUBY HAD
HER SEX ED CLASS TODAY.
353
00:17:33,823 --> 00:17:37,356
THEY HAD CLASS DISCUSSION,
DIAGRAMS, BUT NO VIDEO.
354
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,328
YES!
355
00:17:39,329 --> 00:17:42,091
WE CAN PUT THAT
BEHIND US NOW.
356
00:17:42,092 --> 00:17:44,193
YES, THE ELUSIVE JIM
GETS AWAY WITH ANOTHER ONE.
357
00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:47,166
ALL RIGHT, HONEY,
NOT SO FAST. WHAT?
358
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,269
WE STILL HAVE TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND TALK TO RUBY. WHAT?
359
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,201
YEAH, HER HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT
IS TO TALK TO US
360
00:17:52,202 --> 00:17:53,842
ABOUT WHAT SHE LEARNED TODAY.
361
00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:57,846
(groans)
362
00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:01,650
OH, HONEY,
I KNOW IT'S HARD.
363
00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:04,653
CHERYL, HOW ABOUT
INSTEAD OF HAVING THAT TALK,
364
00:18:04,654 --> 00:18:07,156
WHY DON'T WE JUST LOCK HER UP
IN THE BASEMENT
365
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,787
UNTIL HER WEDDING DAY?
366
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,160
AND WE'LL LET HER OUT
IF HER FIANCé
367
00:18:11,161 --> 00:18:13,192
CAN BEAT ME AT A SWORD FIGHT.
368
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,365
I REALLY THINK
IT'S TIME TO DO THIS.
369
00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:21,430
CHERYL,
ONCE WE HAVE THIS TALK,
370
00:18:21,431 --> 00:18:23,872
THERE'S NO GOING BACK.
371
00:18:23,873 --> 00:18:26,575
I KNOW.
372
00:18:26,576 --> 00:18:31,241
THIS IS MY LITTLE GIRL
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.
373
00:18:37,147 --> 00:18:39,548
YOU KNOW WHAT MY FIRST THOUGHT
WAS WHEN SHE WAS BORN
374
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:41,250
AND THE DOCTOR SAID
IT WAS A GIRL?
375
00:18:41,251 --> 00:18:44,354
YEAH.
"DAMN IT, I WANTED A BOY."
376
00:18:47,157 --> 00:18:50,659
OKAY, MY SECOND THOUGHT...
377
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:53,332
IT WAS THAT
THIS SWEET LITTLE ANGEL
378
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,665
WAS GONNA GROW UP
AND BE A WOMAN.
379
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,807
AND THAT WAS GONNA SUCK!
380
00:18:58,808 --> 00:19:02,171
I KNOW, HONEY.
SHE DID GROW UP FAST.
381
00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:04,543
BUT IT'S OUR JOB
TO MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS
382
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,575
WHAT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW.
383
00:19:06,576 --> 00:19:09,748
I KNOW, BUT I...
384
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,782
I JUST CAN'T GET MYSELF
TO DO IT.
385
00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:18,157
ARE WE DOING
MY SEX TALK OR NOT?
386
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:24,193
(groans)
387
00:19:24,194 --> 00:19:25,895
BE STRONG.
388
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,902
(whispering)
DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS.
389
00:19:33,903 --> 00:19:35,844
WE HAVE TO.
390
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:38,407
WE HAVE TO?
YEAH.
391
00:19:38,408 --> 00:19:41,250
ALL RIGHT, RUBE,
LET'S GO UP TO YOUR ROOM.
392
00:19:41,251 --> 00:19:43,712
OH. OH!
393
00:19:43,713 --> 00:19:46,956
DADDY, IS IT OKAY
IF I JUST TALK TO MOMMY?
394
00:19:54,224 --> 00:19:56,325
YEAH, OKAY.
395
00:19:56,326 --> 00:19:58,427
YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT?
396
00:19:58,428 --> 00:19:59,828
I MEAN, YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO
397
00:19:59,829 --> 00:20:01,600
TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOME STUFF?
398
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,372
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
DADDY KNOWS A LOT OF STUFF.
399
00:20:03,373 --> 00:20:05,874
AND ESPECIALLY WITH
A SEX TALK LIKE THIS,
400
00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:07,876
YOU MIGHT WANT A GUY AROUND
TO TALK ABOUT STUFF.
401
00:20:07,877 --> 00:20:09,578
IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?
402
00:20:09,579 --> 00:20:11,680
'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO SEE
LITTLE LIGHTS.
403
00:20:11,681 --> 00:20:15,214
I JUST THINK IT'D BE EASIER
TALKING TO MOMMY.
404
00:20:16,886 --> 00:20:19,819
YEAH.
405
00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:24,693
OKAY, YEAH,
I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
406
00:20:24,694 --> 00:20:29,328
THAT YOU AND YOUR MOM
HAVE THIS SPECIAL TIME TOGETHER.
407
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,400
NOW I'LL JUST STAY
OUT OF THE WAY.
408
00:20:31,401 --> 00:20:33,763
OKAY, DADDY. BYE.
409
00:20:46,576 --> 00:20:48,618
BYE, SWEETHEART.
410
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,752
HI, DADDY.
411
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,556
HI, BABY.
412
00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:07,596
DADDY?
413
00:21:07,597 --> 00:21:08,697
DADDY?
414
00:21:08,698 --> 00:21:12,271
I CAN'T BREATHE.
415
00:21:14,404 --> 00:21:17,476
HEY, BABY, WILL YOU
DO ME A FAVOR?
416
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:18,907
HMM?
417
00:21:18,908 --> 00:21:21,951
WILL YOU NOT TALK TO RUBY
FOR A YEAR OR SO?
27605
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