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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,035 --> 00:00:06,136 ALL RIGHT, STOP. 2 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,178 OKAY... 3 00:00:08,179 --> 00:00:10,181 NOW TRY WALKING. 4 00:00:12,543 --> 00:00:14,314 ALL RIGHT. 5 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,286 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS DOING? 6 00:00:16,287 --> 00:00:19,490 DADDY'S SHOWING US WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE DRUNK. 7 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,653 THEY ASK QUESTIONS, I HAVE ANSWERS. 8 00:00:23,654 --> 00:00:24,794 YEAH. 9 00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,426 PRETTY YUCKY, HUH? 10 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:29,429 I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE. 11 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,501 TIME FOR YOU GIRLS TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK. 12 00:00:31,502 --> 00:00:34,764 I CAN'T DO MY HOMEWORK TILL THE ROOM STOPS SPINNING. 13 00:00:34,765 --> 00:00:36,266 WELL, WELCOME TO COLLEGE. 14 00:00:36,267 --> 00:00:38,037 COME ON, LET'S GO. 15 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:46,038 ♪♪♪ 16 00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:49,349 AND UP, TWO, THREE. 17 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,522 AND DOWN, TWO, THREE. 18 00:00:52,523 --> 00:00:56,426 ARE YOU WEARING A THONG, TWO, THREE? 19 00:00:56,427 --> 00:01:00,790 YOU WANT ME TO CHAFE, TWO, THREE? 20 00:01:00,791 --> 00:01:03,093 WHOO! I'M BEAT. 21 00:01:03,094 --> 00:01:05,064 HOW CAN YOU BE BEAT? WE HAVEN'T STARTED RUNNING YET. 22 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:05,796 THIS WAS JUST A WARM-UP. 23 00:01:05,797 --> 00:01:09,100 I'M PLENTY WARM. FEEL BETWEEN MY THIGHS. 24 00:01:13,544 --> 00:01:16,606 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU COULD COOK A DUCK IN THERE. 25 00:01:16,607 --> 00:01:17,807 WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 26 00:01:17,808 --> 00:01:20,079 BESIDES, WE RAN 5 MILES YESTERDAY. 27 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,081 OH, COME ON, ANDY, WE DROVE 4 1/2 MILES TO THE PARK, 28 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,154 AND THE NEXT HALF MILE, WE WALKED TO A POPSICLE STAND. 29 00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:25,185 LET'S GO. COME ON. 30 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,117 LET ME JUST SEE WHO'S ON "ELLEN" FIRST. 31 00:01:27,118 --> 00:01:28,388 WE'RE NOT GONNA BE WATCHING "ELLEN." 32 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,559 WE'RE GONNA GO RUN. 33 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,793 IS THAT THAT HOT CHICK FROM "LOST"? 34 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,795 WELL, I CAN'T RUN NOW. 35 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,369 ALL THE BLOOD RAN OUT OF MY LEGS. 36 00:01:39,370 --> 00:01:44,334 HEY, THERE'S MY YOUNG BOY. HOW WAS BASKETBALL PRACTICE? 37 00:01:44,335 --> 00:01:46,176 OH, HE LOOKED SO CUTE IN HIS UNIFORM. 38 00:01:46,177 --> 00:01:49,779 HOW DID HE PLAY? HE LOOKED SO CUTE IN HIS UNIFORM. 39 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:52,312 YEAH, I DON'T THINK BASKETBALL'S HIS GAME. 40 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,513 HE GOT A LITTLE FRUSTRATED, 41 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,185 AND THEY HAD TO PUT HIM IN THE PENALTY BOX. 42 00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:58,188 THERE'S NO PENALTY BOX IN BASKETBALL. 43 00:01:58,189 --> 00:02:00,590 THERE WAS TODAY. 44 00:02:00,591 --> 00:02:03,193 BASKETBALL'S TOO HARD. I WANNA QUIT! 45 00:02:03,194 --> 00:02:04,894 OKAY, BABY, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, 46 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,596 I GUESS YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY ANYMORE. 47 00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:07,627 THANKS, MOMMY. 48 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,129 EXCUSE ME, MOMMY, I DON'T RECALL 49 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,203 DADDY SIGNING OFF ON KYLE QUITTING BASKETBALL. 50 00:02:13,204 --> 00:02:14,834 JIM, YOU HEARD HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE IT. 51 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,807 WELL, I DON'T LIKE YOUR SISTER, BUT I DON'T QUIT THE FAMILY. 52 00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,169 HEY! 53 00:02:19,170 --> 00:02:20,210 CHERYL, LOOK, I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE ME 54 00:02:20,211 --> 00:02:21,841 UNDERCUTTING YOUR AUTHORITY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. 55 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,274 LET'S GO IN THE KITCHEN SO I CAN UNDERCUT YOUR AUTHORITY THERE. 56 00:02:24,275 --> 00:02:26,176 LET'S GO. 57 00:02:26,177 --> 00:02:27,448 CHERYL... 58 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,921 ARE YOU WEARING A THONG? 59 00:02:31,922 --> 00:02:34,825 YEAH. YOU WANT IT BACK? 60 00:02:36,527 --> 00:02:39,689 CHERYL, KYLE SIGNED UP FOR A SEASON OF BASKETBALL. 61 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,491 HE IS GOING TO FINISH AND COMPLETE 62 00:02:41,492 --> 00:02:43,233 A SEASON OF BASKETBALL. 63 00:02:43,234 --> 00:02:45,265 JIM, HE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY. 64 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,936 I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE CONTROLLING PARENTS 65 00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:48,698 WHO MAKES THEIR KIDS DO ALL SORTS OF THINGS 66 00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:49,699 THEY DON'T WANT TO DO. 67 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,441 WHAT, ARE YOU NEW IN TOWN? 68 00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,703 THAT'S WHAT PARENTING IS, HONEY. 69 00:02:53,704 --> 00:02:54,804 JIM... WHAT? 70 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:56,476 YOU HEARD HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE BASKETBALL. 71 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,608 NO, HE DIDN'T SAY HE DIDN'T LIKE BASKETBALL. 72 00:02:58,609 --> 00:03:00,380 HE SAID IT WAS HARD. 73 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,881 AND THAT'S NOT THE REASON TO QUIT. 74 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,214 I MEAN, IT MAY BE OKAY FOR YOU GUYS, 75 00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:07,358 BUT I'M TRYING TO RAISE A MAN HERE. 76 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,391 EXCUSE ME? 77 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,923 NO, I DON'T THINK I WILL EXCUSE YOU. 78 00:03:13,924 --> 00:03:16,466 NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. 79 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:17,797 MEN DON'T QUIT. 80 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,969 WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, THEY TRY HARDER. 81 00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:21,771 THAT'S THE WAY GOD MADE US. 82 00:03:21,772 --> 00:03:25,306 THAT'S WHY HE DOESN'T LET YOUR KIND BE PRESIDENT. 83 00:03:27,278 --> 00:03:28,778 RICHARD NIXON QUIT. 84 00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:31,341 HE RESIGNED. 85 00:03:31,342 --> 00:03:32,982 THAT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 86 00:03:32,983 --> 00:03:34,844 BESIDES, IF HE REALLY WANTED TO QUIT, 87 00:03:34,845 --> 00:03:36,886 PAT WOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM. 88 00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:39,919 WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED PAT NIXON. 89 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:44,294 BELIEVE ME, SHE WAS A HANDSOME WOMAN. 90 00:03:44,295 --> 00:03:46,457 BUT SADLY, THAT SHIP HAS LEFT THE HARBOR. 91 00:03:47,858 --> 00:03:51,831 KYLE, YOU ARE STICKING WITH BASKETBALL. 92 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,603 BECAUSE WHEN MEN MAKE A COMMITMENT IN THIS FAMILY, 93 00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:54,604 THEY STICK WITH IT. 94 00:03:54,605 --> 00:03:56,766 OH, THAT IS SUCH CRAP! 95 00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:58,768 YOU TWO QUITTERS MADE SUCH A BIG DEAL 96 00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:00,410 ABOUT JOGGING EVERY DAY. 97 00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:02,011 HAVE YOU EVEN GONE ONCE? 98 00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,444 I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW ANDY AND I CLOCKED 5 MILES YESTERDAY, 99 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,615 RIGHT, ANDY? 100 00:04:05,616 --> 00:04:08,318 SHH! ELLEN GOT THE "LOST" CHICK TO DANCE. 101 00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:09,950 YOU GO, "LOST." 102 00:04:12,883 --> 00:04:15,885 WOW. MAN, IF YOU GUYS RAN 5 MILES YESTERDAY, 103 00:04:15,886 --> 00:04:17,557 YOU MUST BE IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE. 104 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,988 LOOK AT ME. 105 00:04:18,989 --> 00:04:22,792 MY PANTS ARE HANGING OFF ME. 106 00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:26,796 I EVEN WENT DOWN A WHOLE HAT SIZE. 107 00:04:26,797 --> 00:04:29,900 TO BE FAIR, THAT'S WHERE YOU HAD THE MOST FAT TO LOSE. 108 00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:33,803 YOU KNOW, SINCE YOU'RE SO FIT, 109 00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:37,347 MAYBE YOU SHOULD RUN THE OAK PARK 10K WITH DANA. 110 00:04:37,348 --> 00:04:39,549 THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. THE RACE IS NEXT WEEK. 111 00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:40,950 YEAH! 112 00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:42,952 FINISHING 10K SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM FOR YOU, 113 00:04:42,953 --> 00:04:44,915 WHAT WITH YOUR SUPER-SLIM HEAD AND ALL. 114 00:04:46,357 --> 00:04:49,360 YOU CAN FINISH, CAN'T YOU, DADDY? 115 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,831 YOU BET I CAN, KYLE. 116 00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:03,673 BECAUSE I'M NOT A QUITTER! 117 00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,505 COOL! COOL! 118 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,507 COOL! COOL! 119 00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:11,941 DADDY, CAN I COME WATCH YOU RUN THE RACE? 120 00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:13,413 YES, YOU CAN. 121 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,945 I'M GONNA NEED YOU THERE TO CHEER ME ON, SON. 122 00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,989 AND PROBABLY A PARAMEDIC. 123 00:05:26,957 --> 00:05:29,499 YOU LITTLE SISSY GIRL! 124 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,861 HUH? YOU GOT THREE DAYS TILL THE BIG RACE. 125 00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:34,734 PUSH IT LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR! 126 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,806 COME ON, I'M EXHAUSTED. 127 00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:39,338 I'M TIRED FROM DRAGGING THIS THING OUT HERE 128 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,570 IN THE FIRST PLACE! 129 00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:43,873 HEY, WE'RE SIMULATING RACE CONDITIONS. 130 00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:47,016 UH-OH, HERE COMES A GRAVEL TRUCK! 131 00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:49,649 HEY! HEY! 132 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,121 OH, NO, IT'S RAINING! 133 00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:53,953 COME ON, ANDY, STOP IT! 134 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,526 OH, HOLY COW! BEES! 135 00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:58,529 ANDY, KNOCK IT OFF! KNOCK IT OFF! 136 00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:04,834 HOW FAR HAVE I GONE? 8, 9K? 137 00:06:04,835 --> 00:06:05,865 5K. 138 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,966 WHAT?! 139 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,939 ALL RIGHT, 4K. REALLY, 3.2. 140 00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:12,502 HOW FAR IS 10K ANYWAY? 141 00:06:12,503 --> 00:06:14,003 ABOUT 6 MILES. 142 00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:17,407 I THOUGHT A K WAS LIKE A BLOCK. 143 00:06:17,408 --> 00:06:19,749 STUPID METRIC SYSTEM. 144 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,581 REMIND ME TO WRITE A LETTER TO EUROPE. 145 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,784 WILL DO, BUT WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR THEIR REPLY 146 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,558 TO YOUR LETTER ABOUT SOCCER BEING GAY. 147 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,522 I CAN'T DO THIS. 148 00:06:32,523 --> 00:06:34,163 JUST FORGET IT. 149 00:06:34,164 --> 00:06:36,926 I THOUGHT I COULD PULL THIS OFF. 150 00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,970 I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS RACE. 151 00:06:40,971 --> 00:06:44,734 WHAT AM I GONNA DO WHEN I HAVE TO TELL KYLE I GOTTA QUIT? 152 00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:47,537 WELL, ME BEING LIKE YOU, 153 00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:50,009 ONE CHILI FRY AWAY FROM THE ALMIGHTY, 154 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,911 I SAW THIS COMING. 155 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,883 I GOT A PLAN, OKAY? 156 00:06:52,884 --> 00:06:55,785 NOW IT IS FOOLPROOF, 157 00:06:55,786 --> 00:06:56,886 BUT ETHICALLY, IT'S A LITTLE SHAKY. 158 00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:58,888 THAT JUST MEANS IT'S REALLY GOOD. 159 00:06:58,889 --> 00:07:00,650 COME ON, LET ME HEAR IT. 160 00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:05,655 HERE IS A MAP OF THE RACE, OKAY? 161 00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:06,956 NOW WHEN THE RACE BEGINS, 162 00:07:06,957 --> 00:07:08,828 YOU GO ABOUT 1/3 OF THE WAY. 163 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,829 OKAY. 164 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,000 THEN WHEN NO ONE'S AROUND, 165 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:12,502 YOU TAKE A SHORTCUT THROUGH MISS TAN'S. 166 00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:13,563 MISS TAN'S? WHAT'S THAT? 167 00:07:13,564 --> 00:07:15,204 VIETNAMESE NAIL SALON. 168 00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:18,007 TOP DRAWER. MENTION MY NAME. 169 00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:19,539 NOW YOU CAN'T JUST CUT THROUGH. 170 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,541 YOU'D FINISH THE RACE TOO SOON, RIGHT? 171 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,873 OKAY, SO ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE, YOU KICK IT FOR A BIT. 172 00:07:23,874 --> 00:07:25,675 SAY ABOUT A HALF-HOUR. 173 00:07:25,676 --> 00:07:27,677 THEN YOU SNEAK OUT THE BACK, GO DOWN THE ALLEY, 174 00:07:27,678 --> 00:07:29,949 JOIN THE RACE, FINISH THE LAST FEW BLOCKS, 175 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,682 NO ONE'S THE WISER. 176 00:07:33,724 --> 00:07:35,955 THAT IS BRILLIANT, ANDY. 177 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,890 BY CHEATING, I TEACH KYLE ABOUT NOT QUITTING. 178 00:07:41,532 --> 00:07:42,892 HE'LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. 179 00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:44,935 YEAH, KIDS ARE STUPID. 180 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,881 YEAH, MY BOY. 181 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:05,484 READY FOR ME TO WHUP YOUR BUTT, SALLY? 182 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,956 YOU KNOW WHAT, DANA? 183 00:08:06,957 --> 00:08:09,589 I NEVER SAID THAT I COULD BEAT YOU. 184 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,722 I SAID THAT I WOULD FINISH. AND I WILL. 185 00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,063 OH, PLEASE. 186 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:16,596 YOU COULDN'T FINISH IF THE LAST MILE WAS DOWNHILL, 187 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,867 COVERED IN VASELINE, 188 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:19,899 AND THE FINISH LINE WAS MADE OUT OF HAM. 189 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:23,573 WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE IT INTERESTING, GIRL? 190 00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:25,034 OKAY. 191 00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:28,678 LET'S SAY IF YOU MAKE IT, I'LL DO THE LOSER DANCE. 192 00:08:28,679 --> 00:08:30,710 AND IF YOU DON'T, YOU DO THE JIM DANCE, 193 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,782 WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING. 194 00:08:32,783 --> 00:08:34,144 DEAL. 195 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,018 (Announcer) RUNNERS, ON YOUR MARK... 196 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,019 GET SET... 197 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,020 GO! 198 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,892 (pistol fires) 199 00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:44,954 (cheers and applause) 200 00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:47,958 (heart beating continuously) 201 00:08:50,601 --> 00:08:52,602 (Jim thinking) THAT'S IT. KEEP GOING. 202 00:08:52,603 --> 00:08:53,903 A FEW MORE MINUTES, 203 00:08:53,904 --> 00:08:56,906 AND I'LL BE SITTING ON MY ASS, SUCKERS. 204 00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,609 (heart beating sound stops) 205 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:02,772 (heart beating sound resumes) 206 00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:05,215 HUH. THAT WAS WEIRD. 207 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,880 YES! 208 00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:14,654 OH... MAN. 209 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,125 OH, WHEW. 210 00:09:16,126 --> 00:09:18,589 WHOO. 211 00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,770 WATER. 212 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,975 WATER GOOD! 213 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,753 HELLO. 214 00:09:43,754 --> 00:09:45,715 YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT? 215 00:09:45,716 --> 00:09:48,117 OH, YES, AND AFTERWARDS, I'M GONNA GO ACROSS THE STREET, 216 00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:50,660 GET SOME HIGHLIGHTS AND A BIKINI WAX. 217 00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:53,993 YOU GET TREATMENT HERE, OR YOU GET OUT. 218 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,866 IT'S COOL. I KNOW ANDY. 219 00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:59,169 THEN YOU HAVE TO PAY UP FRONT. 220 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,302 ALL RIGHT, FINE. 221 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,875 I'LL HAVE WHATEVER SHE'S HAVING. 222 00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:08,177 MANI-PEDI. 20 BUCKS. 223 00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:10,841 THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY. 224 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,786 WHOO, MONEY'S HOT. 225 00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:19,288 ALL RIGHT, HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE? 226 00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:20,920 15 MINUTES. 227 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,022 BUT IF I HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR EYEBROWS, 228 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,024 MUCH LONGER. 229 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,996 JUST DO THE NAILS. 230 00:10:26,997 --> 00:10:28,027 OKAY. 231 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:32,031 MY WIFE SAID THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING. 232 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,664 I DON'T GET IT. 233 00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:40,209 I GET THAT. 234 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,911 THAT FEELS GOOD. 235 00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:43,212 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 236 00:10:43,213 --> 00:10:45,776 REALLY GOOD. 237 00:11:07,097 --> 00:11:08,898 WH... WHAT... 238 00:11:08,899 --> 00:11:11,040 OH, MY GOD, 239 00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:12,371 WHAT TIME IS IT?! 240 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,943 OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! 241 00:11:13,944 --> 00:11:15,674 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 242 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,807 THE RACE IS PROBABLY OVER! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP?! 243 00:11:17,808 --> 00:11:19,378 BUT YOU LOOKED SO PEACEFUL, 244 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,381 LIKE A BIG CAT WITH ONE EYEBROW. 245 00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:42,972 (Jim thinking) WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY? 246 00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,403 CRAP! 247 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,936 THIS RACE IS OVER. 248 00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:48,938 CRAP! 249 00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:50,940 NOW KYLE'S GONNA THINK I QUIT. 250 00:11:50,941 --> 00:11:52,442 CRAP! 251 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,916 (Announcer) HERE HE IS, FOLKS... 252 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,718 OUR LEAD RUNNER. 253 00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:03,152 OH, NO. 254 00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,095 OH, NO. 255 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:09,028 OH, NO. 256 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,000 I'M GONNA WIN. 257 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:13,203 I'M GONNA WIN. 258 00:12:14,805 --> 00:12:17,407 I'M GONNA WIN! 259 00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:24,073 HA! HA! HA HA! 260 00:12:24,074 --> 00:12:25,374 I WON! I WON! 261 00:12:25,375 --> 00:12:27,978 I WON! I WON! I WON! 262 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,881 (Announcer) AND OUR WINNER, 263 00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:34,884 WITH A TIME OF 30 MINUTES AND 51 SECONDS, 264 00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:37,226 SETTING AN ALL-TIME OAK PARK RECORD, 265 00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:39,388 LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM! 266 00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:42,832 (cheers and applause) 267 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,964 DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! 268 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,797 DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! 269 00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:50,970 DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! 270 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:55,345 DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! 271 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,878 WE'RE PROUD OF YOU, DADDY. 272 00:12:58,879 --> 00:12:59,879 WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU 273 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,010 A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH. 274 00:13:01,011 --> 00:13:02,481 PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY? 275 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,954 I THOUGHT YOU WERE PROUD OF ME. 276 00:13:04,955 --> 00:13:06,185 ROAST BEEF? 277 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,818 WELL, IF YOU THINK I'VE EARNED IT. 278 00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:10,559 HA HA HA! 279 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,193 THANK YOU. 280 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,365 WHAT'S THAT LOOK ABOUT? 281 00:13:16,366 --> 00:13:18,968 IF YOU WANT A SANDWICH, PUT IN YOUR ORDER. 282 00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:21,170 YOU CHEATED! 283 00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:22,371 HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT? 284 00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:24,433 YOU WON! 285 00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:28,207 CHERYL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT REALLY HURTS. 286 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,539 I REALLY TRAINED HARD FOR THAT RACE. 287 00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,041 AND I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW WHAT? 288 00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:35,584 IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW THAT AN UNDERDOG 289 00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:38,387 CAN COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND STILL SHOCK THE WORLD. 290 00:13:38,388 --> 00:13:41,450 THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS COUNTRY. 291 00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:44,854 SO I SAY TO YOU, CHERYL, I SAY TO YOU, 292 00:13:44,855 --> 00:13:46,456 GOD BLESS AMERICA! 293 00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:57,836 IT WAS ANDY'S IDEA. 294 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,939 JIM, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? 295 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:03,012 I WAS TRYING TO TEACH KYLE ABOUT, 296 00:14:03,013 --> 00:14:06,015 YOU KNOW, BEING A MAN, THAT MEN DON'T QUIT. 297 00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:08,177 YOU DIDN'T TEACH HIM ANYTHING. YOU CHEATED. 298 00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,219 HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW THAT. 299 00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:12,882 THERE'S A LITTLE BOY IN THAT KITCHEN RIGHT NOW 300 00:14:12,883 --> 00:14:14,854 SPREADING MUSTARD ON A LIE! 301 00:14:17,027 --> 00:14:18,327 WHAT IF HE FINDS OUT? 302 00:14:18,328 --> 00:14:20,129 WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? 303 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,361 WHAT IF A DOG GAVE BIRTH TO A CAT? 304 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,363 OH! HUH?! HUH?! 305 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,997 YOU JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT TILL IT HAPPENS! 306 00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:29,468 YOU JERK! 307 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,469 AAH! 308 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,971 YOU CHEATED! 309 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,973 WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? 310 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,304 YOU WON! 311 00:14:35,305 --> 00:14:39,078 WHY IS EVERYBODY GETTING TRIPPED UP ABOUT THAT? 312 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,081 YOU... YOU MENACING WITCHES. 313 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,483 I HAVE KNOWN THIS MAN FOR YEARS, 314 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,916 AND I CAN VOUCH FOR HIS STURDY CHARACTER. 315 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,017 COME, JAMES. 316 00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:51,090 LET'S LEAVE THESE MAGPIES TO THEIR IDLE CHATTER. 317 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,963 LET IT GO, ANDY. HE GAVE YOU UP. 318 00:14:53,964 --> 00:14:57,097 AS I WOULD HAVE HIM. 319 00:14:59,029 --> 00:15:01,630 DADDY, CAN WE GO PLAY BASKETBALL? 320 00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:05,004 KYLE, I THOUGHT YOU HATED BASKETBALL. 321 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,475 YOU WANTED TO QUIT. 322 00:15:06,476 --> 00:15:08,477 I KNOW, BUT DADDY FINISHED THE RACE, 323 00:15:08,478 --> 00:15:10,680 SO I SHOULD FINISH BASKETBALL. 324 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,145 DID YOU HEAR THAT, CHERYL? 325 00:15:16,146 --> 00:15:20,319 THE BOY WANTS TO WALK IN A TRAIL THAT I BLAZED. 326 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,993 BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS. WHY? 327 00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:26,225 BECAUSE I'M CARRYING HIM. 328 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,528 OH! 329 00:15:29,559 --> 00:15:31,400 YOUR TOES LOOK LIKE MOMMY'S. 330 00:15:31,401 --> 00:15:33,003 YEAH, YEAH. 331 00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:37,066 THERE'S ANOTHER COMMITMENT IN THIS ROOM 332 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,937 THAT NEEDS TO BE FINISHED. 333 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,070 AUNT DANA OWES US A LOSER DANCE. 334 00:15:41,071 --> 00:15:43,112 NO WAY! 335 00:15:43,113 --> 00:15:46,976 UH, DANA, TECHNICALLY, HE DID FINISH. 336 00:15:46,977 --> 00:15:48,078 BUT HE CHEA... 337 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,436 ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 338 00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,068 ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 339 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,102 ♪ THIS IS CALLED THE LOSER DANCE ♪ 340 00:16:13,443 --> 00:16:14,743 ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 341 00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:16,245 ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 342 00:16:16,246 --> 00:16:19,178 ♪ CAREFUL, OR I'LL PEE MY PANTS ♪ 343 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,979 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 344 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,452 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 345 00:16:23,453 --> 00:16:26,355 I DON'T KNOW IF THAT REALLY READ "LOSER." 346 00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:28,157 WHAT DO YOU THINK, KYLE? 347 00:16:28,158 --> 00:16:29,518 ONE MORE TIME! 348 00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:30,590 YEAH! 349 00:16:33,163 --> 00:16:35,464 THIS TIME, FEEL IT, BABY. 350 00:16:35,465 --> 00:16:37,126 (angrily) ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 351 00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:39,128 ♪ I'M A LOSER ♪ 352 00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,449 ♪ THIS IS CALLED THE LOSER DANCE ♪ 353 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,278 AND SO I WENT AROUND THE LAST TURN, 354 00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:53,011 AND MY LEGS WERE SAYING, "QUIT, KYLE'S DAD! QUIT!" 355 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,513 AND I SAID, 356 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:58,117 "NO, I'M NOT A QUITTER! I'VE GOT TO FINISH. 357 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:02,292 IF NOT FOR ME, FOR ME BOY KYLE." 358 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,126 SO AGAINST ALL ODDS, I FINISHED. 359 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,397 THE END. 360 00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:11,300 WELL, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO SHOW-AND-TELL TODAY. 361 00:17:11,301 --> 00:17:15,064 NOW WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO ASK KYLE'S DAD A QUESTION? 362 00:17:15,065 --> 00:17:17,106 CAN I PLEASE WEAR YOUR MEDAL? 363 00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:18,508 NO. NEXT QUESTION. 364 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,112 MY DADDY SAID THAT YOU REALLY DIDN'T WIN. 365 00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:26,245 YOU CHEATED. 366 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,277 WELL, YOUR DADDY'S PROBABLY JEALOUS BECAUSE, 367 00:17:28,278 --> 00:17:30,279 ME BEING A HERO AND ALL. 368 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,751 UM, WHAT DOES YOUR DADDY DO FOR A LIVING? 369 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,084 FIREMAN. 370 00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:37,286 YEAH, WELL, SEE WHAT I MEAN? 371 00:17:37,287 --> 00:17:40,129 YEAH. 372 00:17:40,130 --> 00:17:41,430 ANY MORE QUESTIONS? 373 00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:45,063 MY MOMMY SAYS YOU QUIT THE RACE EARLY 374 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,097 AND TOOK A SHORTCUT SO PEOPLE WOULDN'T FIND OUT. 375 00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:50,170 YEAH, WELL, YOUR MOMMY DRINKS. 376 00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,805 IS IT TRUE, DADDY? ARE YOU A QUITTER? 377 00:17:56,806 --> 00:17:59,178 OH, KYLE, NO, I... I... 378 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,750 I WAS TRYING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON, SEE? 379 00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:04,613 SO THAT MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY. 380 00:18:04,614 --> 00:18:06,285 I TOLD YOU KYLE WOULD FIND OUT. 381 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,687 CHERYL. 382 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,159 THERE HE IS! 383 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,622 THE QUITTER WITH ONE GIANT EYEBROW! 384 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,125 I SHOULD HAVE SENT HIM THROUGH THE DELI. 385 00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,597 HE WOULD HAVE NEVER NAPPED IN THERE. 386 00:18:19,169 --> 00:18:21,600 ♪ YOU'RE A QUITTER, YOU'RE A QUITTER ♪ 387 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,873 ♪ LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA PEE YOUR PANTS ♪ 388 00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,606 THAT'S MY MEDAL! 389 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,439 FINALLY, A REAL MAN. 390 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,311 WHAT? 391 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,883 QUITTER! QUITTER! QUITTER! NO! 392 00:18:34,884 --> 00:18:36,585 QUITTER! QUITTER! 393 00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:39,117 QUITTER! QUITTER! 394 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,849 NO, KYLE, I'M NOT A QUITTER! 395 00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:42,291 QUITTER! QUITTER! QUITTER! 396 00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:45,154 I'M A CHEATER! I'M NOT A QUITTER! 397 00:18:45,155 --> 00:18:48,357 QUITTER. QUITTER. 398 00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:51,261 QUITTER. QUITTER. 399 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,229 COME ON, BABY. 400 00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:01,600 YOU'RE NO QUITTER. 401 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:04,403 COME ON! COME ON! 402 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,404 WHOO! 403 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,935 (grunts) 404 00:20:06,936 --> 00:20:08,877 LOOK AT THAT, HONEY! A NEW FAMILY RECORD! 405 00:20:08,878 --> 00:20:10,409 YOU KNOW, BESIDES DANA. 406 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,711 COME ON. 407 00:20:14,944 --> 00:20:16,615 YOU OKAY? 408 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,618 I SAID I'D FINISH... AND I FINISHED. 409 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,350 YOU DID! I DID. 410 00:20:21,351 --> 00:20:22,451 YOU DID! 411 00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:23,453 OH! 412 00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:26,355 THAT'S HOT COFFEE! 413 00:20:26,356 --> 00:20:28,657 I KNOW, IT'S FOR ME. IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE. 414 00:20:28,658 --> 00:20:30,229 THAT'S FOR YOU. 415 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,002 CHERYL, HOW DID YOU KNOW I'D BE OUT HERE? 416 00:20:34,003 --> 00:20:37,466 OH, BABY, YOUR LIFE IS A LOT LIKE THIS RACE. 417 00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:40,439 TAKES YOU A LITTLE WHILE, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU GET THERE. 418 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,712 WELL, YOU KNOW, IF I'M GONNA TALK THE TALK WITH KYLE, 419 00:20:43,713 --> 00:20:45,974 I GOTTA BE ABLE TO WALK THE WALK. 420 00:20:45,975 --> 00:20:47,346 YEAH, OR CRAWL THE CRAWL. 421 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,477 (chuckles) 422 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:50,420 COME ON, LET'S GET YOU HOME. 423 00:20:51,881 --> 00:20:54,252 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 424 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,456 I REALLY WANT TO GET HOME, BUT I GOTTA MAKE ONE STOP. 425 00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:00,389 NO, BABY, I GOT DOUGHNUTS IN THE CAR. 426 00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:02,991 YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOVE YOU FOR THAT. 427 00:21:02,992 --> 00:21:04,664 BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 428 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,399 HI, GOOD MORNING. 429 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,271 LOOK, THIS BELONGS TO YOU. I CHEATED. 430 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,475 NO KIDDING. 431 00:21:16,906 --> 00:21:18,477 HOW DID YOU KNOW? 432 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,049 YOU WON! 27207

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