All language subtitles for According to Jim S05E04 - Charity Begins at Hefs (2005) WEB-DL 1080p.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,732 --> 00:00:04,003 COME ON! 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,306 YOU'RE ONE OF THE HIGHEST PAID PLAYERS IN THE LEAGUE! 3 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:09,109 HUSTLE! THROW SOME ELBOWS! DRAW SOME BLOOD! 4 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,282 I HATE WOMEN'S BASKETBALL. 5 00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:13,513 WOW. 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,515 YOU UNLOADED ALL THOSE GROCERIES ALREADY? 7 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,089 NO, NO. I SUBCONTRACTED THAT JOB OUT. 8 00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,191 NO, NO, JIM, NOT THE KIDS. 9 00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:22,522 OF COURSE THE KIDS. 10 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,725 IT'S TIME THEY LEARNED TO RESPECT HARD WORK. 11 00:00:28,499 --> 00:00:30,100 OH... 12 00:00:30,101 --> 00:00:32,303 (Ruby) BOMBS AWAY! 13 00:00:44,775 --> 00:00:46,146 (Jim) CHERYL? 14 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,147 YEAH? 15 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,279 COULD YOU BRING ME A BEER? 16 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,281 YEAH, HONEY. 17 00:00:51,282 --> 00:00:54,724 COMING RIGHT UP. 18 00:00:54,725 --> 00:00:58,459 ♪♪♪ 19 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,436 HOW MANY MORE ENVELOPES DO WE HAVE TO DO, MOMMY? 20 00:01:06,437 --> 00:01:07,667 ONLY ABOUT 200. 21 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,269 (groans) 22 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,601 REMEMBER, WE'RE HELPING THE HOMELESS. 23 00:01:11,602 --> 00:01:13,743 WHY CAN'T THEY DO THIS FOR THEMSELVES? 24 00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:15,575 IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE JOBS. 25 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,676 DANA... 26 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,548 ALL RIGHT, MAKE WAY. 27 00:01:18,549 --> 00:01:21,351 WE GOT RIBS FROM STEVIE B's. 28 00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,852 LOOK AT THIS... ONE MORE PUNCH, CHERYL, 29 00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,155 AND WE GET A FREE SUCKLING PIG. 30 00:01:25,156 --> 00:01:26,356 GREAT. 31 00:01:26,357 --> 00:01:27,817 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 32 00:01:27,818 --> 00:01:28,818 HUH? 33 00:01:28,819 --> 00:01:30,120 WE GOTTA EAT HERE. 34 00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:31,391 WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS IN YOUR OFFICE? 35 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,563 JIM, A HALLWAY WITH A WASHING MACHINE 36 00:01:33,564 --> 00:01:34,824 IS NOT AN OFFICE. 37 00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,727 WE'RE RAISING MONEY TO BUILD HOUSES FOR THE HOMELESS. 38 00:01:37,728 --> 00:01:40,430 WE GOT A WHOLE SYSTEM SET UP. WE ARE NOT MOVING. 39 00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:42,172 FINE, YOU HELP THE HOMELESS IN HERE, 40 00:01:42,173 --> 00:01:45,135 AND ANDY AND I WILL FEED THE HUNGRY IN THERE. 41 00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:48,178 I ALREADY HAD A HALF A SLAB OF STEVIE B's IN THE CAR, 42 00:01:48,179 --> 00:01:49,779 BUT I THINK I STILL QUALIFY. 43 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:50,810 SURE. 44 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,113 OH, GREAT. MORE CHARITY STUFF. 45 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,485 WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 46 00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:57,887 WE NEED SOMETHING TO SOAK UP THE GREASE. 47 00:01:57,888 --> 00:02:00,490 DO MY BABY BLUES DECEIVE ME, 48 00:02:00,491 --> 00:02:03,122 OR IS THIS A LETTER FROM "PLAYBOY"? 49 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,754 WHAT? 50 00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:07,126 ADDRESSED TO CHERYL? 51 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,660 YOU ARE ONE LUCKY DOG. 52 00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:13,163 A WIFE WHO READS "PLAYBOY." 53 00:02:13,164 --> 00:02:14,904 SHE DOESN'T READ "PLAYBOY." 54 00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:18,608 WHO DOES? 55 00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,440 OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE. 56 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,542 THIS ISN'T FROM "PLAYBOY" THE MAGAZINE. 57 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,614 IT'S FROM THE PLAYBOY FOUNDATION. 58 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:27,747 OH, RIGHT, THEY HELP OUT CHARITIES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. 59 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:28,878 HOT! 60 00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:31,181 WHY? 61 00:02:31,182 --> 00:02:33,923 IT'S "PLAYBOY." 62 00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:37,327 WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE CHERYL'S BEEN NOMINATED 63 00:02:37,328 --> 00:02:40,890 AS ONE OF THE "WOMEN WHO CARE IN CHICAGO." 64 00:02:40,891 --> 00:02:45,465 OH, FUN, THERE'S AN ESSAY CONTEST. 65 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:49,739 JIM, IF SHE WINS, SHE GETS HONORED WITH A DINNER 66 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,901 AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION, HOSTED BY HEF HIMSELF. 67 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:53,843 GIMME THAT! 68 00:02:53,844 --> 00:02:56,606 OH, MY GOD, THAT'S ONE OF MY LIFELONG DREAMS, 69 00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:58,948 IS TO SMOKE A CIGAR WITH HEF! 70 00:02:58,949 --> 00:03:02,952 ACTUALLY, IT'S MY ONLY DREAM NOW THAT I RODE THAT OSTRICH. 71 00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:04,754 WELL, KEEP DREAMING. 72 00:03:04,755 --> 00:03:07,757 THERE'S NO WAY CHERYL'S GONNA ENTER A CONTEST FOR "PLAYBOY." 73 00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:09,789 WE DON'T TELL HER IT'S FOR "PLAYBOY." 74 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,691 WE TELL HER IT'S, UH... I DON'T KNOW. 75 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,823 WHAT'S THE FEMALE EQUIVALENT OF "PLAYBOY"? 76 00:03:13,824 --> 00:03:15,825 WELL, THERE'S OPRAH'S MAG, 77 00:03:15,826 --> 00:03:19,198 GEARED TOWARDS THE URBAN PROFESSIONAL. 78 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,970 THERE'S "COSMO," OF COURSE. 79 00:03:20,971 --> 00:03:23,733 STILL THE STANDARD TO WHICH OTHERS ASPIRE. 80 00:03:23,734 --> 00:03:26,937 AND I GUESS "InStyle." POPULAR, BUT A LITTLE SHALLOW. 81 00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,681 I MEAN, HOW WOULD I KNOW? 82 00:03:32,443 --> 00:03:33,443 CHERYL! 83 00:03:33,444 --> 00:03:34,444 HUH? 84 00:03:34,445 --> 00:03:35,885 HEY, CHERYL, CHECK THIS OUT. 85 00:03:35,886 --> 00:03:40,490 UH... "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING" IS HONORING WOMEN 86 00:03:40,491 --> 00:03:41,951 WHO WORK FOR CHARITIES. 87 00:03:41,952 --> 00:03:43,753 ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS WRITE AN ESSAY 88 00:03:43,754 --> 00:03:45,224 ON WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. 89 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,797 OH, NO, THANKS, HONEY. THAT'S NOT REALLY FOR ME. 90 00:03:47,798 --> 00:03:49,299 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? UNH-UNH. 91 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:52,332 COME ON, IF YOU WIN, YOU GET TO GO TO A BLACK TIE EVENT AT... 92 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,734 THE... 93 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,907 THE "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING" CLUB. 94 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,471 YOU MAY EVEN MEET THE HOUSEKEEPER OF THE MONTH. 95 00:04:01,472 --> 00:04:03,573 NO, NO, HONEY, 96 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:05,945 I DON'T DO MY CHARITY WORK TO GET RECOGNIZED. 97 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,877 MY REWARDS COME FROM THE INSIDE. 98 00:04:07,878 --> 00:04:10,620 I DON'T FOLLOW. 99 00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:12,422 OKAY, UM, OKAY, LIKE IN CHURCH, 100 00:04:12,423 --> 00:04:14,724 I DON'T NEED TO STAND ON THE PEW 101 00:04:14,725 --> 00:04:16,556 AND DROP $5 INTO THE COLLECTION PLATE 102 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,288 ONE QUARTER AT A TIME. 103 00:04:18,289 --> 00:04:20,760 YOU SEE, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF NICKELS. 104 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,693 FROM A DISTANCE, THEY LOOK LIKE QUARTERS. 105 00:04:24,995 --> 00:04:28,568 CHERYL, COME ON. ONE LITTLE ESSAY. 106 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:32,001 WELL, THERE GOES YOUR CIGAR WITH HEF. 107 00:04:32,002 --> 00:04:35,775 BUT, HEY, MAYBE YOU CAN SMOKE ONE WITH THE OSTRICH. 108 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,447 OH, NO. 109 00:04:37,448 --> 00:04:40,009 THERE'S GONNA BE A CIGAR WITH HEF. 110 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:42,582 BECAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE AN ESSAY 111 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,984 WRITTEN BY A WOMAN IN CHICAGO WHO CARES. 112 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,457 AND THAT WOMAN... 113 00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:48,989 IS MOI. 114 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,864 YOU CERTAINLY HAVE THE CHEST FOR IT. 115 00:04:54,865 --> 00:04:55,926 THANK YOU. 116 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,834 OKAY, ANDY, REMEMBER, A WOMAN IS WRITING THIS, 117 00:05:04,835 --> 00:05:07,338 SO THE SPELLING HAS GOT TO BE PERFECT. 118 00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:12,842 OKAY... MY NAME IS CHERYL, 119 00:05:12,843 --> 00:05:17,316 AND I LIKE HELPING PEOPLE. 120 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,449 UM... 121 00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:23,953 I FIRST REALIZED I WAS A NURTURER 122 00:05:23,954 --> 00:05:28,359 WHEN I NOTICED MY OWN BUDDING BREASTS. 123 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,861 WHOA, WHOA. 124 00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:34,864 THE LADIES DON'T TALK LIKE THAT. 125 00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:37,667 NOW HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW A WOMAN TALKS? 126 00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:40,410 I SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN FEMALE CHAT ROOMS. 127 00:05:40,411 --> 00:05:43,873 I'M "BARBARA 48DD." 128 00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:47,877 WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO, BABS? 129 00:05:47,878 --> 00:05:51,020 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? 130 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:52,952 ANDY, DON'T YOU GET IT? 131 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:56,386 SOMETIMES YOU JUST HELP PEOPLE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF HELPING. 132 00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,828 THAT'S GOOD! TYPE THAT! 133 00:05:58,829 --> 00:06:01,831 I'LL TYPE IT WHEN I HEAR MY INVITATION 134 00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:03,963 TO THE PLAYBOY MANSION. 135 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,665 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 136 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,897 COME ON, JIM, IF THIS WINS, CHERYL'S NEVER GONNA GO. 137 00:06:07,898 --> 00:06:10,840 TAKE ME WITH YOU. 138 00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,702 I WANT TO MEET HEF. 139 00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:15,705 THERE'S BEEN THREE GREAT IDEAS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF MANKIND... 140 00:06:15,706 --> 00:06:18,978 FIRE, THE WHEEL AND "PLAYBOY"! 141 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,980 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GO. 142 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,012 WELL, HELP ME WRITE THIS THING. 143 00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:24,484 OKAY, OKAY, GLADLY. YOU TYPE. 144 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:28,058 LET ME JUST GET INTO CHERYL'S MIND HERE. 145 00:06:38,669 --> 00:06:40,870 (imitating Cheryl) JIM, STOP IT. 146 00:06:40,871 --> 00:06:41,871 ANDY... 147 00:06:41,872 --> 00:06:42,872 JIM, NOT NOW. 148 00:06:42,873 --> 00:06:43,873 STOP IT! 149 00:06:43,874 --> 00:06:45,575 GO AWAY! STOP IT! 150 00:06:45,576 --> 00:06:48,077 CHILDREN ARE IN THE ROOM! ANDY! 151 00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:50,580 COME ON! 152 00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:54,814 HELLO, I'M CHERYL, AND I'M A TAURUS. 153 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,847 TURN-ONS... KITTENS AND HELPING THE HOMELESS. 154 00:06:57,848 --> 00:07:02,051 TURNOFFS... WAR AND PEOPLE WHO DON'T SAY "THANK YOU." 155 00:07:02,052 --> 00:07:04,423 ANDY! ANDY! WHAT? 156 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,497 SLOW DOWN! THIS IS GOLD! 157 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,061 HERE'S MY MAIL BOY. 158 00:07:12,062 --> 00:07:14,734 CAN I GO PLAY THE RAKING LEAVES GAME? 159 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,065 YOU BET. 160 00:07:16,066 --> 00:07:18,638 BUT, REMEMBER, THE LEAVES DON'T TURN INTO CHOCOLATE 161 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,641 UNLESS YOU GET EVERY ONE OF THEM. 162 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,574 ALL RIGHT. 163 00:07:24,575 --> 00:07:25,675 OOH! 164 00:07:25,676 --> 00:07:28,478 ANDY. LIVING ROOM. NEWS. 165 00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:29,979 FROM THE BUNNY. 166 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,651 THE BUNNY? THE BUNNY. 167 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,883 BUNNY! 168 00:07:33,884 --> 00:07:36,225 COME ON, COME ON, OPEN IT. OPEN IT, I WANNA SEE. 169 00:07:36,226 --> 00:07:38,928 GET OFF ME! GET OFF MY BACK! YOU'RE LIKE A KOALA! 170 00:07:38,929 --> 00:07:40,160 STAY OFF ME! 171 00:07:41,932 --> 00:07:43,132 CHERYL WON! 172 00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:44,894 (gasps) CHERYL WON! 173 00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:46,836 WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! 174 00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:48,998 CIGARS WITH HEF! MY ESSAY WON! 175 00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:49,999 OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, NO. 176 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,001 HAVING YOU WRITE THE ESSAY 177 00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:54,473 I THOUGHT WAS KIND OF SLEAZY AND DISHONEST. 178 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,905 SO I WROTE IT! 179 00:07:55,906 --> 00:07:57,677 CRAP. 180 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,679 OH, COME ON, WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU STILL GET TO GO! 181 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,750 SWEET! 182 00:08:00,751 --> 00:08:02,683 SWEET, SWEET, SWEET. 183 00:08:05,556 --> 00:08:06,957 HELLO. 184 00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:11,190 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 185 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,722 UM... 186 00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,724 WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE? 187 00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:18,728 TWO SILVERBACK GORILLAS FIGHTING OVER A BANANA. 188 00:08:18,729 --> 00:08:21,901 WELL, WE WERE, UH... DANCING. 189 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,502 COME ON, YOU'RE THE ONE 190 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,736 WHO ALWAYS SAYS THAT MEN SHOULD DANCE TOGETHER MORE. 191 00:08:26,737 --> 00:08:29,679 I NEVER SAID THAT. 192 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,883 COME ON, CHERYL, LIKE I'D MAKE THAT UP. 193 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,187 OPEN. 194 00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:41,921 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT, BABY? 195 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,954 YOUR TONGUE'S GETTING DRY. GO GET GRACIE. 196 00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:48,998 CHERYL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU'RE BEING HONORED 197 00:08:48,999 --> 00:08:51,961 AS ONE OF THE "WOMEN WHO CARE IN CHICAGO"? WHAT? 198 00:08:51,962 --> 00:08:54,103 YEAH, IT SAYS YOU WROTE A WINNING ESSAY. 199 00:08:54,104 --> 00:08:56,205 I DIDN'T WRITE ANY ESSAY. 200 00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:57,907 I CERTAINLY DIDN'T SEND IN 201 00:08:57,908 --> 00:09:00,940 A PICTURE OF MYSELF IN A BIKINI... 202 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,642 AT AGE 20. 203 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,114 (car horn honks) 204 00:09:05,115 --> 00:09:07,116 O-OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S ANDY. 205 00:09:07,117 --> 00:09:10,149 HONEY, I'M GOING BOWLING. GOOD NIGHT. GOTTA GO. 206 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,051 OKAY, SWEETIE. JIM? 207 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:12,983 YEAH. 208 00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:15,284 DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME 209 00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:18,058 BEING HONORED AT A BLACK TIE EVENT TONIGHT? 210 00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:27,667 MMM... NO. 211 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,568 HUH. 212 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,670 HEY, CONGRATULATIONS. GOTTA GO. 213 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,101 HEY, THANKS. 214 00:09:32,102 --> 00:09:33,904 (car horn honks) 215 00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:38,247 OKAY. 216 00:09:38,248 --> 00:09:41,611 EITHER ANDY'S WEARING A TUX 217 00:09:41,612 --> 00:09:44,114 OR THERE'S A FAT PENGUIN DRIVING HIS CAR. 218 00:09:46,657 --> 00:09:48,718 YOU KNOW, I'VE HEARD ABOUT THOSE FAT PENGUINS. 219 00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:50,119 OH. 220 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,592 WELL, THEY CAN'T FLY, SO THEY STEAL CARS. 221 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,164 YEAH. 222 00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:58,898 YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD INVITE ANDY IN. 223 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,770 YEAH. WHY NOT? SURE. 224 00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:02,001 OKAY. OKAY, GREAT. 225 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,835 NOTHING TO HIDE. COME ON, PLEASE. 226 00:10:05,836 --> 00:10:07,336 (cell phone beeps) 227 00:10:07,337 --> 00:10:10,009 ANDY! ANDY! ANDY, GET OUT OF YOUR TUX! 228 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,280 GET OUT OF YOUR TUX! 229 00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:13,713 (Andy) Who is this? 230 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,985 THIS IS JIM! WHO ELSE DO YOU THINK IT IS? 231 00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:17,987 GET OUT OF YOUR TUX NOW! TAKE IT OFF! 232 00:10:17,988 --> 00:10:19,048 Roger that. 233 00:10:19,049 --> 00:10:21,791 (Cheryl) Get out of that car! 234 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:23,923 Ow! Ow! Hey! 235 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,725 (Dana) Quit squirming! 236 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:26,927 Ow! That's my ear. 237 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,035 HEY, JIM. 238 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,136 HEY, ANDY. 239 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,270 YOU READY FOR ELEGANT PANTLESS BOWLING NIGHT? 240 00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:46,677 JUST ABOUT. 241 00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:55,124 JIM, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND 242 00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:57,026 WHY YOU KEEP TRYING TO TRICK ME. 243 00:10:57,027 --> 00:10:58,327 I ALWAYS SEE THROUGH IT. 244 00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,029 YEAH, I'M SEEING THROUGH SOMETHING ELSE. 245 00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:02,291 CAN WE PUT THE PANTS BACK ON? 246 00:11:02,292 --> 00:11:05,134 CHERYL, I JUST THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, 247 00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:07,797 YOU DESERVE TO GET RECOGNITION FOR ALL YOUR GOOD WORKS. 248 00:11:07,798 --> 00:11:09,969 HOW? BY GOING TO A PARTY WITHOUT ME? 249 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:13,342 WELL, YOU KNOW... YOU'RE SHY. 250 00:11:13,343 --> 00:11:15,044 OH... 251 00:11:15,045 --> 00:11:17,206 WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THIS? 252 00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:19,178 WELL, I'M SURE THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, 253 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,310 BUT THE DINNER'S GONNA BE HELD AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION, 254 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,212 AND IT'S BEING HOSTED BY HUGH HEFNER. 255 00:11:23,213 --> 00:11:25,684 IT IS? 256 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,116 HUGH HEFNER? 257 00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,919 IS THAT ONE OF OUR NEW MUSIC STARS? 258 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,961 YOU KNOW WHAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST? 259 00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:33,963 IT'S NOT THIS RIDICULOUS PLAN. 260 00:11:33,964 --> 00:11:35,965 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA 261 00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:37,226 WHY I DO WHAT I DO. 262 00:11:37,227 --> 00:11:39,829 FAIR ENOUGH. 263 00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:43,072 BUT, CHERYL, COME ON, THEY'RE GIVING YOU THIS AWARD. 264 00:11:43,073 --> 00:11:44,273 THEY'RE GONNA HONOR YOU. 265 00:11:44,274 --> 00:11:47,106 THERE SHOULD BE SOMEONE THERE TO ACCEPT IT. 266 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:50,709 OH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. 267 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,082 I GUESS SOMEONE SHOULD BE THERE. 268 00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:56,145 YES! GET YOUR PANTS, WE'RE GONNA MEET HUGH! 269 00:11:56,146 --> 00:11:58,988 OH, NOT YOU TWO! 270 00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:00,349 ME AND DANA. 271 00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,720 WHY DANA? 272 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,952 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT YOU! 273 00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:04,453 HA! 274 00:12:04,454 --> 00:12:07,026 TWO CHICKS? WHAT A WASTE. 275 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,358 WHOO-HOO! I'M GONNA MEET HUGH HEFNER. 276 00:12:09,359 --> 00:12:11,360 BUT THIS DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU. 277 00:12:11,361 --> 00:12:14,333 NO, BUT IT MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU. 278 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,936 FINE. GO! 279 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,268 I DON'T CARE. WE'LL HANG OUT HERE. 280 00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:21,040 (chuckles) 281 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,313 WE'LL WATCH THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL! 282 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,947 THIS IS SO WRONG. 283 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,119 I'M NOT GONNA LET THEM MEET HEF 284 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:35,284 WHILE I SIT HERE AND WONDER HOW FAR UP YOU WAXED YOUR LEGS. 285 00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,457 BRAZILIAN. 286 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:51,100 OH... OH, MY GOD. THIS IS FANTASTIC. 287 00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:53,302 I FEEL ALL TINGLY ALL OVER. 288 00:12:53,303 --> 00:12:55,905 THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR TUX IS TOO TIGHT. 289 00:12:55,906 --> 00:12:58,908 OKAY, NOW JUST PRETEND LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 290 00:12:58,909 --> 00:13:00,009 RIGHT. 291 00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:02,111 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 292 00:13:02,112 --> 00:13:04,884 NO IDEA. ASK HIM. 293 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,916 WE'RE WITH THE BAND. 294 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:10,059 THE SOUTH SIDE BOYS' CHOIR? 295 00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:13,122 (high-pitched voice) THAT'S US. 296 00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:15,494 I MAY JUST BE AN $8-AN-HOUR RENT-A-COP, 297 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,897 BUT EVEN I'M NOT BUYING THAT. 298 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,128 $8 AN HOUR? 299 00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:20,129 MM-HMM. 300 00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:23,072 HEY, LOOK, UH... 301 00:13:23,073 --> 00:13:26,035 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE NEXT HALF-HOUR OFF ON ME? 302 00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:29,038 SIR, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TICKETS. 303 00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:31,140 ALL RIGHT. 304 00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:33,042 CAN I HAVE MY 4 BUCKS BACK? 305 00:13:33,043 --> 00:13:34,484 WHAT 4 BUCKS? 306 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,317 HEADS UP! HEADS UP! HEADS UP! 307 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,049 OW! 308 00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,922 SO, MOLLY, SO DO YOU WORK FOR THE MAGAZINE OR...? 309 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,023 YOU KNOW, I DID. 310 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,055 I USED TO MODEL, BUT NOW I WORK IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. 311 00:13:46,056 --> 00:13:50,099 OH! I JUST MARRIED A DOCTOR. GYNECOLOGIST, ACTUALLY. 312 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,963 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING... NO CHANCE IN HELL, MOLLY. 313 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,211 (gasps) LOOK! 314 00:14:05,115 --> 00:14:08,147 THAT'S MY CIGAR. 315 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,880 THAT'S MY HEF! 316 00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:13,352 RIGHT THIS WAY, EVERYONE. 317 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,484 EXCUSE ME, MRS. POLSON, ARE THESE FOLKS WITH YOU? 318 00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:18,357 YES, THEY'RE GUESTS OF THE UNION STREET MISSION. 319 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,289 THE MISSION. YES, OF COURSE. 320 00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,062 RIGHT THIS WAY. 321 00:14:24,995 --> 00:14:27,596 THE MISSION. 322 00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:30,440 (haughty voice) YES, OF COURSE. 323 00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:40,980 JUST A MINUTE, YOU TWO. 324 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,611 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR MRS. POLSON, 325 00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,014 SHE'S AT TABLE FIVE. 326 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:47,656 (haggard voice) GOD BLESS YOU, SIR. 327 00:14:47,657 --> 00:14:51,220 (Irish accent) YOU'RE A GOOD LAD. 328 00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:53,522 HEY, COULD YOU SPARE ANYTHING 329 00:14:53,523 --> 00:14:56,025 FOR A COUPLE OF GUYS DOWN ON THEIR LUCK? 330 00:14:56,026 --> 00:14:58,327 SORRY, MAN, I DON'T HAVE ANY SINGLES. 331 00:14:58,328 --> 00:15:00,399 (normal voice) YOU DO, TOO. 332 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,431 I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT... 333 00:15:02,432 --> 00:15:04,904 GOD BLESS YOU, SIR. 334 00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:12,911 THANK YOU. 335 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,913 I MEAN, I'M NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU 336 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,345 HOW TO RUN YOUR MAGAZINE. 337 00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:18,917 NO, I'LL BRING IT UP WITH MY EDITOR. 338 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,120 MAYBE RECIPES ARE A GOOD IDEA. 339 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,622 YEAH, I THINK SO. 340 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,154 MR. HEFNER, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET 341 00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:27,056 TWO OF OUR GUESTS FROM THE MISSION. 342 00:15:27,057 --> 00:15:28,527 WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE. 343 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,529 I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. 344 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,402 OH, YES, ABSOLUTELY. THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE. 345 00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:35,634 HEY, HEF, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. 346 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,067 WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? 347 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:42,171 WELL, FOR ME, RULE NUMBER ONE IS NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN. 348 00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:43,512 SAME HERE. 349 00:15:43,513 --> 00:15:46,215 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 350 00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:48,217 WELL, WE'RE HERE TO HONOR YOU, CHERYL, RIGHT? 351 00:15:48,218 --> 00:15:49,218 YEAH. 352 00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:50,319 YOU KNOW WHAT? 353 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,051 THIS WOMAN TURNED MY LIFE AROUND, HEF. 354 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:55,184 BEFORE I MET HER, I WAS COLD AND ALONE, 355 00:15:55,185 --> 00:15:57,256 AND THEN SHE FED ME AND CLOTHED ME AND... 356 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,527 IS THAT A COHIBA? 357 00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,190 YES, IT IS. 358 00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:06,165 I'LL GET YOU ONE. 359 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,366 OH, THANKS. 360 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,139 (laughing) 361 00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:12,101 I AM HONESTLY SO STUNNED RIGHT NOW. 362 00:16:12,102 --> 00:16:14,203 I KNOW... HEF'S GETTING ME A CIGAR! 363 00:16:14,204 --> 00:16:17,146 NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU'LL STOOP TO. 364 00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:20,149 OH, COME ON, I DID THREE WORSE THINGS THIS WEEK. 365 00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:22,251 CHERYL, TONIGHT, JIM GAVE THE CLOTHES OFF HIS BACK 366 00:16:22,252 --> 00:16:23,682 TO A HOBO. 367 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,015 YOU KNOW WHO I THINK SHOULD BE HONORED HERE THIS EVENING? 368 00:16:26,016 --> 00:16:27,416 THIS MAN. ME? 369 00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:28,417 NAY, THIS SAINT. 370 00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:29,418 WHY, THANK YOU. 371 00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:30,719 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 372 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,393 I'M GONNA SEE HOW CHARITABLE THESE GIRLS REALLY ARE. 373 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,125 (Mrs. Polson) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 374 00:16:36,126 --> 00:16:38,427 IT'S TIME TO MEET TONIGHT'S HONOREES. 375 00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:42,000 OUR FIRST WINNER IS FROM HELP FOR THE HOMELESS. 376 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,603 CHERYL, WOULD YOU COME UP AND READ YOUR ESSAY? 377 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,205 (whispering) HOLY CRAP! 378 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,676 (normal voice) I HAVE TO READ IT? 379 00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:49,678 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT... ROOM FULL OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, 380 00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:51,340 OPEN BAR, EASY CROWD... COME ON. 381 00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,011 OH, JIM. 382 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,614 GET UP THERE. 383 00:16:57,687 --> 00:16:59,048 ARE YOU OKAY? 384 00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:01,520 THERE MAY BE SOMETHING ALIVE IN MY SHIRT. 385 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,521 I'M FINE. 386 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:06,024 CHERYL'S ESSAY IS A LITTLE UNUSUAL. 387 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,127 IT WAS WRITTEN BY HER HUSBAND JIM, 388 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,628 BECAUSE, IN HIS WORDS, 389 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,800 SHE WAS TOO MODEST TO DO IT HERSELF. 390 00:17:11,801 --> 00:17:14,533 HEY, HEF... 391 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:18,407 IS THAT CIGAR COMING ALL THE WAY FROM CUBA? 392 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:20,240 OH, RIGHT. 393 00:17:22,612 --> 00:17:24,813 YOU PICK. GO RIGHT AHEAD. 394 00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:26,675 WHY, THANK YOU, SIR. 395 00:17:26,676 --> 00:17:28,678 (Cheryl clears throat) 396 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,682 "DO YOU EVER WONDER IF SOME PEOPLE 397 00:17:33,683 --> 00:17:36,725 "ARE JUST BORN WITH A LITTLE EXTRA GOOD INSIDE? 398 00:17:36,726 --> 00:17:38,387 "WELL, THAT'S MY WIFE CHERYL. 399 00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:40,359 "SHE MAKES THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE 400 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,632 "JUST BY BEING IN IT." 401 00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:46,666 AWW. 402 00:17:48,698 --> 00:17:50,570 (whispering) HEF. HEF. 403 00:17:58,848 --> 00:18:03,682 "JUST ASK THE ROBBINS FAMILY FROM THE SOUTH SIDE. 404 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,814 "SIX MONTHS AGO, RAY AND CINDY 405 00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:08,187 "DIDN'T HAVE A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS, 406 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,688 "AND LITTLE COREY AND ROSIE 407 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,760 "DIDN'T HAVE A PLACE TO GO TO SCHOOL. 408 00:18:11,761 --> 00:18:13,091 "NOW THEY DO. 409 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:17,166 "BECAUSE CHERYL RAN BAKE SALES AND CAR WASHES 410 00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:20,098 "AND STUFFED ENVELOPES AND MADE PHONE CALLS 411 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,531 "UNTIL SHE RAISED ENOUGH MONEY TO HELP THEM. 412 00:18:22,532 --> 00:18:25,574 "AND SHE DIDN'T JUST GIVE THE FAMILY A HOUSE. 413 00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:28,477 "SHE GAVE THEM HOPE. 414 00:18:28,478 --> 00:18:32,110 "AND I CAN TELL YOU THE SAME STORY 415 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,783 "ABOUT THE GARCIA FAMILY OR THE FRANKLIN FAMILY 416 00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,415 "OR EVEN MY FAMILY. 417 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,647 "WITH ALL HER CHARITY WORK, 418 00:18:38,648 --> 00:18:40,789 "CHERYL STILL HAS ROOM IN THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL HEART 419 00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:43,192 "TO TAKE CARE OF HER THREE CHILDREN. 420 00:18:43,193 --> 00:18:45,595 "FOUR, IF YOU INCLUDE ME." 421 00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:51,160 "YOU'D THINK SHE'D WANT CREDIT FOR EVERYTHING SHE DOES. 422 00:18:51,161 --> 00:18:52,231 "NOT CHERYL. 423 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,434 "SHE SAYS HER REWARDS COME FROM THE INSIDE. 424 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:58,207 "THERE'S A WORD FOR SOMEONE LIKE THAT... 425 00:18:58,208 --> 00:19:01,171 "ANGEL." 426 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,545 (mouthing) TURN IT OVER. 427 00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:12,150 "PLEASE FORWARD THIS ON TO THE PEOPLE AT THE CONTEST. 428 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,585 "I REALLY WANT TO MEET HEF." 429 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,689 "IF HONORABLE MENTION IS A SUBSCRIPTION TO THE MAGAZINE, 430 00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:23,363 "THAT'S COOL, TOO." 431 00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:29,368 SHE'S QUITE A WOMAN. 432 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:33,272 YEAH, YOU'D THINK HER HUSBAND WOULD BE HERE. 433 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,645 WELL, HE'S, UH, HE'S PROBABLY IN SURGERY. 434 00:19:36,646 --> 00:19:38,448 HE'S A WORLD RENOWNED DOCTOR. 435 00:19:39,849 --> 00:19:41,911 HEY, MATCH ME, WOULD YOU? 436 00:19:45,655 --> 00:19:50,219 AHH... IT'S A NEW DETERGENT. I THINK I'M ALLERGIC. 437 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:52,691 OW... 438 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,764 I'M JUST SO SICK OF ALL THE HUNKY GUYS IN TOWN. 439 00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:58,927 OH, I'D LOVE JUST ONCE TO GO OUT WITH SOMEBODY SMART. 440 00:19:58,928 --> 00:20:00,969 LIKE MAYBE AN ARCHITECT. 441 00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:03,672 HEY... HEY, I'M AN ARCHITECT. 442 00:20:03,673 --> 00:20:06,835 I WENT TO STANFORD, I SWEAR. 443 00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:08,837 NO, I OWN MY OWN HOME. 444 00:20:08,838 --> 00:20:11,840 HONEST TO GOD! 445 00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:13,382 (laughs) 446 00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:16,585 NICE JOB, LADIES. 447 00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,547 OKAY, NOW IN 20 MINUTES, WALK BY AND SAY 448 00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:21,250 YOUR FANTASY IS A LARGE MAN WITH TWO SISTERS 449 00:20:21,251 --> 00:20:23,993 'CAUSE GUYS LIKE THAT REALLY UNDERSTAND WOMEN. 450 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,801 ♪♪♪ 451 00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:37,906 HONEY, THAT ESSAY WAS BEAUTIFUL. 452 00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:40,609 WELL, THANK YOU, HONEY. 453 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:42,871 EVEN IF YOU DID WRITE IT JUST TO MEET HEF. 454 00:20:42,872 --> 00:20:44,773 WELL, THAT'S THE THING, YOU SEE. 455 00:20:44,774 --> 00:20:47,517 I DON'T REALLY GET MY REWARDS FROM THE INSIDE. 456 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,920 NOW TELL ME. THE TRUTH. I GOTTA KNOW. 457 00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:54,583 GETTING A LITTLE CREDIT FEELS GOOD? 458 00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:55,924 YEAH, IT REALLY DOES. 459 00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:57,856 OH, GOOD. I KNEW IT. 460 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,258 AND, YOU KNOW, SINCE YOU KNOW ME SO WELL... 461 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,530 MM-HMM. 462 00:21:01,531 --> 00:21:03,632 YOU PROBABLY KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD MEAN TO ME 463 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,764 IF YOU WOULD HELP OUT AT THE SOUP KITCHEN NEXT WEEK. 464 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,396 ABSOLUTELY. REALLY? 465 00:21:07,397 --> 00:21:08,497 GLAD TO DO IT. SURE, SURE. 466 00:21:08,498 --> 00:21:10,799 I LEARNED THAT IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I GET, 467 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,270 IT'S ABOUT HELPING OTHERS. 468 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,902 WOW. 469 00:21:13,903 --> 00:21:15,004 WHAT'S THE SOUP? 470 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:25,515 WOW, CHERYL, THE GIVING NEVER STOPS. 30164

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