All language subtitles for According to Jim - 08x15 - King of the Nerds.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:05,106 ANDY, IS THERE ANYTHING I LOVE MORE THAN A SANDWICH? 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,108 YOUR KIDS. 3 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,777 ONLY IF THEY'RE MAKING ME A SANDWICH. 4 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,280 OH, CRAP. THIS BREAD'S MOLDY. 5 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,516 FREEZE! 6 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,353 ANDY, I MAY BE CRAZY, BUT IS THAT... 7 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,422 (gasps) THE FACE OF WALTER PAYTON! 8 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,192 IT'S THE FACE OF WALTER PAYTON! WALTER PAYTON! 9 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,328 I-I'LL GET THE SACRED TUPPERWARE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 10 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,097 OH, JIM, TWO YEARS AGO, 11 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:33,301 WE FOUND A MOLDY PIECE OF BREAD WITH THE FACE OF MIKE DITKA. YES, AND LAST YEAR WE FOUND 12 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,270 THIS PIECE OF CHEESE WITH THE FACE OF JIM McMAHON. 13 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,073 AND THEN THE HOLY BOLOGNA... YES. 14 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,809 WITH THE FACE OF MIKE SINGLETARY. 15 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,544 (laughs) AND NOW... 16 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,247 WITH PAYTON ON THIS PIECE OF BREAD... 17 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:53,821 WE CAN BUILD THE SANDWICH OF THE '85 BEARS. 18 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:58,826 (loud rumbling) 19 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,196 (thunder crashes) 20 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,199 HELLO, BOYS. 21 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,736 (gasps) WILLIAM "THE... THE... THE REFRIGERATOR" PERRY? 22 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,338 OH, MY GOD. 23 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,740 I'M HERE TO EAT YOUR BABIES. 24 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,208 UH... 25 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,776 OH, JUST KIDDING. 26 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,147 I'M HERE TO GRANT YOU ONE WISH. 27 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,482 AND NOTHING TOO FREAKY DEAKY. 28 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,785 JIM, I-I-I KNOW IT'S YOUR SANDWICH AND YOUR WISH... 29 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:28,722 RIGHT. BUT JUST ONCE, I'D LOVE TO FIT IN A PAIR OF HIP HUGGER JEANS. 30 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,192 (grunts) 31 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,794 I WISH... 32 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,397 FOR A THOUSAND MORE WISHES! 33 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,134 DANG. YOU BEAT THE SYSTEM. YES! 34 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,303 DON'T GO SPREADING THAT AROUND. 35 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,273 OH, YOU... YOU... YOU DID... A THOUSAND WISHES. 36 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,475 A THOUSAND WISHES! 37 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,477 ♪ GO, JIM, GO, JIM ♪ GO, JIM, GO, JIM 38 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,745 ♪ JIM, JIM ♪ JIM, JIM 39 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,415 JIM, JIM, JIM, JIM, JIM. HUH? HUH? 40 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,218 JIM, JIM, JIM. HUH? WHAT? 41 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,220 HEY. THE KIDS ARE AT THE NEIGHBORS', 42 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,255 AND THE TWINS ARE ASLEEP. 43 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,325 WANNA MAKE A JIM AND CHERYL SANDWICH? 44 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,859 I DO INDEED. 45 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,298 HEY, NOTHING TOO FREAKY DEAKY. 46 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,768 ♪♪♪ 47 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,679 HEY. 48 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,782 HEY. ALMOST DONE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 49 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,518 I THINK SOME ELEMENTARY SCHOOL 50 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:34,688 IS MISSING THEIR TETHERBALL POLE. YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY DIDN'T MISS THEIR TIRE SWING. 51 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,424 THEY'RE NOT GONNA MISS THIS. 52 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:39,260 THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN, CAN I GO FIRST? 53 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,263 OH, I'M SORRY, GIRLS. THIS ISN'T FOR YOU. 54 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,434 THIS IS FOR KYLE BECAUSE HE GOT A "B" ON HIS LAST REPORT CARD. 55 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,436 WHAT? I GOT STRAIGHT A's, 56 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:51,439 AND I DON'T EVEN GET A PAT ON THE BACK. 57 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:55,443 GRACIE, GIVE YOUR SISTER A PAT ON THE BACK. GOOD JOB, BOOKWORM. 58 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,846 NOW GO GET THE YOUNG SCHOLAR AND TELL HIM TO COME OUT HERE. 59 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,915 AH. 60 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,652 OKAY, SO WHY TETHERBALL? 61 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,654 WELL, I FIGURED IT WAS THE ONLY SPORT 62 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,922 WHERE EVEN HE COULDN'T LOSE THE BALL. 63 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,691 YOU KNOW, HONEY, 64 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,960 I-I JUST DON'T THINK HE'S MUCH OF A SPORTS FAN. 65 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,229 THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S SO FOCUSED ON HIS STUDIES. 66 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,698 JIM, THE "B" WE'RE HONORING HIM FOR 67 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,401 WAS IN ATTENDANCE. 68 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,237 HE DIDN'T MISS ANY DAYS, AND HE GOT A "B." 69 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,739 WELL, I'M SORRY, CHERYL, BUT THE POINT IS, 70 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,976 HE'S GONNA BE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS, 71 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,912 AND HE'S GONNA WANNA PLAY WITH ME. 72 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,715 HEY! THERE YOU ARE, MY SCHOLAR, 73 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,318 MY BRIGHT YOUNG BOY. 74 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,786 THIS IS FOR YOU. 75 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,389 COOL. A FLAGPOLE AND A BALL. 76 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,623 THANKS. 77 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,359 NO, NO, NO. THIS IS TETHERBALL. IT'S A GAME. 78 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,628 WHAT'S THE FLAGPOLE DO? 79 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,997 WELL, IT... IT... IT HOLDS THE BALL. 80 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,832 WHERE'S THE FLAG? 81 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,902 A "B"... 82 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,638 IN ATTENDANCE. 83 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,039 WELL, THERE'S NO FLAGPOLE. 84 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,041 YOU SEE, I HIT THE BALL 85 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,378 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POLE TO YOU. WHERE IT HITS MY FACE? 86 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,315 NO, YOU HIT IT BACK TO ME. 87 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,717 WITH MY FACE? 88 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,820 LISTEN, YOUNG MAN, I-I-I-I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN HIT IN THE FACE 89 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,357 WITH A BASKETBALL AND A BASEBALL... 90 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,792 AND A GOLF BALL... 91 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,028 A BOWLING BALL. BOWLING BALL. 92 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:25,065 BUT THIS IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT. THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY FUN. 93 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,035 YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME? DO I HAVE TO? 94 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,737 (Andy in distance) KYLE! 95 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,805 PRESENT! 96 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,407 THAT'S REALLY GOOD, SON. 97 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,710 YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO A "B" -PLUS NEXT YEAR IN SCHOOL. 98 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,314 SWEETHEART, YOUR UNCLE ANDY'S CALLING YOU. (groans) 99 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,782 NICE TRY. 100 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,918 NO, NO. HE LIKED IT. I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW GUYS ARE. 101 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,921 HE JUST DIDN'T GET ALL EXCITED ABOUT IT. THAT'S ALL. 102 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,090 (Kyle) I'M SO EXCITED! THANKS, UNCLE ANDY. 103 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,362 OH, MY GOSH. THIS IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN. 104 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,030 I KNOW, RIGHT? (laughs) YOU'RE WELCOME, KYLE. 105 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,600 I LOVE MAGNESIUM MAN. 106 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,836 WHO'S MILK OF MAGNESIA MAN? 107 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,338 IT'S MAGNESIUM MAN, 108 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,607 AND HE'S THE COOLEST SUPERHERO IN THE WORLD. 109 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,909 OH, ANDY, THAT'S SO SWEET. 110 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,911 WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY 111 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,080 A MAN ON JIM'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY GETS A "B." 112 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,383 A LOT OF 'EM CAN'T EVEN SPELL "B." 113 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,884 VERY FUNNY. 114 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,720 COME ON. LET'S GO, UH, PLAY SOME TETHERBALL. 115 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,656 DO YOU HAVE MORE SUPERHEROES AT YOUR HOUSE? 116 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,925 I EVEN HAVE A LIFE-SIZE LIMITED EDITION 117 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,927 MAGNESIUM MAN SUPER SECRET SPACE CENTER. 118 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,963 WITH THE SWIVEL CHAIR AND THE WORKING OTTOMAN? 119 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,632 WHAT?! 120 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,634 (Kyle and Andy) SHINIER THAN STEEL. 121 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,035 LESS FLEXIBLE THAN GOLD. 122 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,871 MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM! 123 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,845 WOW. (front door shuts) 124 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,747 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 125 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,583 I'M ALL ALONE. 126 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,051 I'M RIGHT HERE. 127 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,889 OH. WELL, THEN DO YOU MIND TAKING A WALK? 128 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,768 SHINIER THAN STEEL. MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM! 129 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,538 OW! 130 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,740 STUPID... 131 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,543 GAME! 132 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,545 (grunts) 133 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:21,582 ARE YOU OKAY? 134 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,517 WHAT'S WRONG? 135 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,519 I'VE BEEN OUT HERE FOR AN HOUR, 136 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,556 AND NOW YOU COME OUT AND ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG? 137 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,558 OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY. WHAT'S WRONG? 138 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:34,127 WELL, NOW YOU'RE ASKING ME BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO ASK ME. 139 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,598 HONEY, I REALLY, SINCERELY WANT TO KNOW. 140 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,166 WHAT'S WRONG? 141 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,506 I DON'T KNOW. 142 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,508 DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU'RE UPSET 143 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,511 'CAUSE KYLE WANTS TO PLAY WITH ANDY INSTEAD OF YOU? 144 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,581 WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE ALL OF A SUDDEN? 145 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:57,050 CAN'T A MAN JUST PLAY TETHERBALL BY HIMSELF? 146 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,587 FINE. DO YOU WANT A BEER? 147 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:03,090 WILL BEER COME OUT HERE AND PLAY WITH THE OLD MAN? 148 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,460 NO, BUT IT'LL HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS AFTERNOON. 149 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,498 (laughs) 150 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,232 HEY, THERE'S MY SON. 151 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,134 HELLO, CITIZEN. 152 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:18,606 HELLO. 153 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,709 YOU... YOU COME HERE TO KNOCK THE BALL AROUND WITH YOUR DAD? 154 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,644 UH, NO. 155 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,714 WELL, WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR? 156 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,483 I NEED TO GET SOME TINFOIL FOR MY COSTUME. 157 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,185 ME AND UNCLE ANDY ARE MAKING A BERYLLIUM BOY SUIT. 158 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,655 WHO IS BERYLLIUM BOY? 159 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,890 HE'S MAGNESIUM MAN'S TRUSTY SIDEKICK. 160 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,626 HE'S GOT AWESOME POWERS. 161 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,928 LIKE WHAT? 162 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,231 HE CAN SENSE THE TEMPERATURE OF ANYTHING JUST BY TOUCHING IT. 163 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,468 BE-BE-BERYLLIUM! 164 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,939 BE-BE-BERYLLIUM. 165 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,541 HUH! HEY. JIM. 166 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,709 HEY. OW! 167 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,210 IS THAT A TETHERBALL? 168 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,613 WOW. THAT REALLY TAKES ME BACK TO GRADE SCHOOL. 169 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,549 YOU USED TO PLAY? 170 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,518 NO, NO, BUT THE COOL KIDS USED TO TIE ME UP TO THE POLE. 171 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,919 HEY, SPEAKING OF WHICH, 172 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:09,523 DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE KYLE TO SCI-CON TOMORROW? OH, COME ON, ANDY. 173 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,659 YOU WANT TO TAKE AN 8-YEAR-OLD BOY TO VIETNAM? 174 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,995 NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT SAIGON, SCI-CON. 175 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:18,065 IT'S A SCIENCE FICTION ENTHUSIAST CONVENTION. 176 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,167 YOU KNOW, ANDY, 177 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,202 NOTHING PERSONAL, 178 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,638 BUT I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF 179 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,207 IF I ALLOWED KYLE TO GROW UP TO BE YOU. 180 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,676 THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS. 181 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,545 HOW... HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME? 182 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,047 OH, NO. IT'S OKAY. I SAID, "NOTHING PERSONAL." 183 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,283 WELL, IT FELT PERSONAL. 184 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,285 WELL, I DON'T MEAN YOU. 185 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,154 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOUR KIND. 186 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,156 I SWEAR TO GOD, JIM. DO NOT DO IT. 187 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,926 DO NOT DROP THE "N" BOMB. 188 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,595 N-N-N-NERD! 189 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,931 GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. 190 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,601 IS THAT STILL WHERE WE ARE IN THIS COUNTRY? 191 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,268 WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? 192 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:59,940 OKAY, THE PREFERRED NOMENCLATURE IS "SCIENCE FICTION AMERICAN." 193 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:03,043 HOW WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN KLINGON? 194 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,946 NAG BAT KARLAM. 195 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,280 NERD! 196 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,283 AND I DON'T WANT MY SON CATCHING IT FROM YOU. 197 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,285 YOU CAN'T CATCH NERD, JIM. 198 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,288 OH, YOU CAN SAY IT NOW. OH, YEAH, 'CAUSE WHEN WE SAY IT TO EACH OTHER, 199 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,257 IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT. 200 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,627 OH. IT'S CONFUSING TO THE REST OF US, ANDY, 201 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,630 YOU KNOW, GUYS WITH WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS. 202 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,898 DON'T HATE THE NERD. HATE THE GAME. 203 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,967 AH, GET OUTTA HERE. 204 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,869 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, JIM, OKAY? 205 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,872 KYLE WAS BORN A NERD, HE'LL GROW UP TO BE A NERD... MM-HMM. 206 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,207 AND WHEN HE DIES, THEY'LL SCATTER HIS NERD ASHES 207 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,309 THROUGHOUT THE MOORADIAN SYSTEM. 208 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,612 I AM THE BOY'S FATHER. 209 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:42,883 I WILL DECIDE WHERE AND WHEN HIS ASHES WILL BE SCATTERED. 210 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,285 WELL, I'M HIS UNCLE, AND HE'D RATHER BE WITH ME 211 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,255 THAN HIS DOPEY, PIGHEADED, NERD-O-PHOBIC DAD! 212 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,223 OH! YOU KNOW WHAT? 213 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:54,161 YOUR DAD WOULD RATHER WALK IN FRONT OF A BUS 214 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:58,098 THAN BE WITH YOU! SAYS THE MAN WHOSE DAD LEFT HIM WHEN HE WAS 5! 215 00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,867 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 216 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:03,303 I AM GONNA WALK AWAY BEFORE ONE OF US SAYS SOMETHING HURTFUL. 217 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,011 (click) 218 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,146 (man) AND NOW BACK TO "STAR TREK." 219 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,148 (click) 220 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,284 (man) OUR "STAR TREK... THE NEXT GENERATION" 221 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,853 MARATHON CONTINUES. (click) 222 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,022 (man) UP NEXT ON "BBQ WITH BOBBY FLAY"... 223 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,090 OOH. 224 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,026 BOBBY GRILLS A KANSAS CITY BONE-IN RIB EYE... 225 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,028 AH. 226 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,798 WITH "STAR TREK'S" GEORGE TAKEI. 227 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,000 (click) 228 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,002 JIM, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA 229 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,004 WHY KYLE'S UPSTAIRS IN HIS BED 230 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,972 CRYING AND WRAPPED IN TINFOIL? 231 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,040 YES. 232 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,876 HE'S A SAD NERD. 233 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,845 YOU KNOW, HONEY, NERDS ARE COOL NOW. 234 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,980 THOSE GUYS THAT INVENTED GOOGLE ARE BILLIONAIRES. 235 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:50,250 YEAH, BUT HAVE THEY EVER KISSED A GIRL? 236 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,986 I'D KISS 'EM. WHAT? 237 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,355 I MEAN, IF I WASN'T MARRIED TO YOU. 238 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,958 WELL, BELIEVE ME, IF YOU CAN FIND A BILLIONAIRE TO KISS, 239 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,160 PUCKER UP AND SEND ME THE ALIMONY CHECK. 240 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,296 OH, HONEY, I'LL HAVE ALL SORTS OF EXPENSIVE NERD LAWYERS. 241 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,332 YOU WON'T SEE A DIME. 242 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,036 VERY FUNNY. 243 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,270 WHAT'S WRONG? 244 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,039 I DON'T KNOW. 245 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,041 I'M JUST MAD AT ANDY 246 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,009 FOR TURNING MY BOY INTO A NERD. 247 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,045 OKAY, JIM. (sighs) 248 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,013 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE MAD AT ANDY 249 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,716 AND THERE'S NOT SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON? 250 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,718 OH, COME ON, CHERYL. YOU KNOW ME. 251 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,987 THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON. WHAT IS IT? 252 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,824 I SERIOUSLY THINK THE BOY DOESN'T LIKE ME. 253 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,725 OH, JIM, THAT'S SILLY. 254 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,894 NO, HE DOESN'T! HE DOESN'T LIKE ME AT ALL. 255 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,996 HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH ME. 256 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,231 OH, COME ON. HE LOVES YOU. 257 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,734 OF COURSE HE LOVES ME. I'M HIS FATHER. 258 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,870 I'M HIS FATHER. BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. 259 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,104 (sighs) OKAY. 260 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,007 DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU AND KYLE WOULD BE CLOSER 261 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,009 IF YOU DID SOME THINGS TOGETHER? 262 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,880 YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO. 263 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,282 SO YOU THINK HE SHOULD SMOKE CIGARS, 264 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,785 DRINK BEER AND BET ON HORSES? 265 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,787 CHERYL, HE'S 8. 266 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,890 MAYBE IN TWO YEARS. 267 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,926 MAYBE YOU CAN DO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT HE LIKES TO DO. 268 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:06,994 OH, COME ON. 269 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,230 ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS SIT AROUND AND WATCH CARTOONS. 270 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,867 YOU LOVE CARTOONS. I KNOW, BUT HE NEVER LETS ME PICK. 271 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,103 YES, SOMETIMES HE CAN BE SO CHILDLIKE. 272 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,238 EXACTLY. 273 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,875 I'M THE ADULT. HE SHOULD BE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO. 274 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,944 OKAY, HONEY, WHEN THE GIRLS WERE LITTLE, 275 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,179 DID YOU WANT TO PLAY TEA PARTY WITH THEM? 276 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:29,149 WELL, NO, OF COURSE NOT. BUT YOU DID. 277 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,151 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE GIRLS. 278 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,154 THEY'RE NEVER GONNA WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO. 279 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,891 I MEAN, THEY WERE A LOST CAUSE FROM THE BEGINNING. 280 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,894 YOU PLAYED TEA PARTY BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO THEM. 281 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,097 DO THE SAME WITH KYLE. I WILL NOT PLAY TEA PARTY WITH KYLE. 282 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,166 THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN A NERD 283 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,168 IS A NERD IN A BONNET. 284 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,203 JIM, KYLE IS DYING TO GO 285 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,039 TO THE SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION. 286 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,808 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HIM, THEN? 287 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,576 I DON'T HAVE TO. HE LIKES ME. (scoffs) 288 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,545 (laughs) OH, HONEY, COME ON. 289 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,547 GO. YOU'LL HAVE FUN TOGETHER, 290 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,550 AND MAYBE NEXT TIME HE'LL WANT TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. 291 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,152 YOU THINK SO? 292 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,554 I DO. 293 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,590 (clicks tongue) ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU GOTTA DRIVE. 294 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,192 WHY ME? 295 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,061 WELL, IT'S ONLY A NERD CONVENTION 296 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,063 IF MOMMY DROPS YOU OFF. 297 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:36,116 HEY, LOOK AT THIS GUY HERE. 298 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,551 HE LOOKS PRETTY COOL. 299 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,521 THAT'S JEFFREY. HE'S FOR LOSERS, DAD. 300 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,123 WELL, ISN'T THIS... 301 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,459 ALL KIND OF FOR LOSERS? 302 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,561 HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE BABES? 303 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,198 THE LITHIUM LADIES? YEAH. 304 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,968 THEIR COMIC BOOK IS RATED INAPPROPRIATE FOR MY AGE. 305 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:58,205 WELL, MOM'S NOT HERE. LET'S CHECK IT OUT. 306 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,041 DAD? YEAH. 307 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,375 YOU'RE KIND OF EMBARRASSING ME. 308 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,177 WHAT? 309 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,219 YOU GOT A GIANT BLUEBERRY WITH THREE EYES, 310 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,121 AND I'M EMBARRASSING YOU? 311 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,056 COME ON. 312 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,025 THAT'S COMMODORE CYCLOPS. 313 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,159 GUESS WHO HE HATES. 314 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:23,196 I DON'T KNOW. HIS PARENTS? GIRLS? 315 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,399 TAKING SHOWERS AT SCHOOL? WEDGIES? 316 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,136 I CAN GO ON FOR QUITE A WHILE, NOW. 317 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,138 HE HATES MAGNESIUM MAN. 318 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:35,175 OH! MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM MAN. 319 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,944 HARK! 320 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:40,013 IT IS MY FAITHFUL COMPANION, BERYLLIUM BOY. 321 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,182 WHAT ARE YOU, A SPACE SUPPOSITORY? 322 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,253 OUR INSULTS MEAN NOTHING TO ME, 323 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,089 BECAUSE I AM MAGNESIUM MAN! MAGNESIUM MAN! 324 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,324 OH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY, DAD. 325 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:54,127 I CAN JUST HANG OUT WITH UNCLE ANDY. 326 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,528 I WILL MEET YOU 327 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,530 IN THE FORTRESS OF REFLECTITUDE. 328 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,032 HUH? 329 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,068 IT'S NEXT TO THE LOST AND FOUND. 330 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,070 (British accent) HE HAS RETURNED TO THE UNCLE, 331 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,704 JUST AS THE ORACLE PREDICTED. 332 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:08,375 (nerdy voice) OH, AND WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? 333 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,377 LO, IT WAS FORETOLD MILLENNIA AGO 334 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,180 THAT IN THE AGE OF ANDY WOULD ARISE A HERO 335 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,182 WHO WOULD ALSO BE ANDY, 336 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:20,053 AND HE WOULD REAP VENGEANCE UPON... (whiny voice) JIM. 337 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,055 KNOCK IT OFF. 338 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,490 HA HA HA! 339 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,159 YOUR SON THINKS THAT THIS SCIENCE FICTION AMERICAN 340 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,695 IS COOLER THAN HIS DAD. (laughs) 341 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,964 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? 342 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,969 HAVE HIM HOME BY 5:00. 343 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,704 WHOA, WHAT? NO, WAIT, WAIT. NO, NO. 344 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,672 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO INSULT ME HERE. 345 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,674 WE'RE FIGHTING, AND... AND I'M WINNING. 346 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,677 LOOK, I-I-I SHOULD'VE NEVER SAID THOSE THINGS TO YOU. 347 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:47,747 I SHOULD'VE NEVER CALLED YOU A NERD, ANDY. (all gasp) 348 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,717 UH, NO. BIRD, BIRD! HE CALLED ME A BIRD. 349 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,320 NO, I DIDN'T. I CALLED HIM A NERD. 350 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,323 ANY OF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? 351 00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,760 LOOK, ANDY, I... 352 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:05,098 I WAS MAD BECAUSE, HONESTLY, KYLE'S JUST NOT INTO ME, 353 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:09,102 EVEN WHEN I DO THINGS THAT HE WANTS TO DO. 354 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,704 ARE YOU WEARING A CODPIECE? 355 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,706 (clears throat) IRRELEVANT. 356 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,010 I DON'T KNOW. 357 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,412 HE USED TO THINK OF ME AS HIS HERO. 358 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,781 A FEW YEARS AGO, HE USED TO LOOK AT ME 359 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,984 LIKE I WAS THE GREATEST GUY IN THE WORLD. 360 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,755 I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME. 361 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,058 JIM, JIM, WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE. 362 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,694 YOU WANT TO BE A HERO? 363 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,364 YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. COME ON. 364 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,204 WELL, BERYLLIUM BOY, 365 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,673 WE HAVE VANQUISHED ALL THE EVIL IN THE WORLD. 366 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,776 I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A CHURRO. 367 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:53,746 HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MAGNESIUM MAN. 368 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,415 WHOA. DAD, IS THAT YOU? 369 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:59,686 NO. I AM COMMODORE CYCLOPS. 370 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,290 I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF THIS PART OF THE GALAXY. 371 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,358 (all gasp and murmur) YOU METALLIC MORON. 372 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,162 EYE... 373 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,697 WILL DESTROY YOU! 374 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,366 OH, NO, YOU WON'T. 375 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,637 (Andy and Jim grunting) 376 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,672 (coughs) 377 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,076 (clears throat) AAH! 378 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,677 (grunts) (grunts) HA! HA! 379 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:28,215 (laughs) OH! OH! OH! 380 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,750 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD A CODPIECE. 381 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,086 (falsetto voice) IT WAS JUST FOR SHOW. 382 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,822 AAH! MY EYE! 383 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:40,360 (normal voice) WHERE MY WEAPON AT? HA! HA HA! 384 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,363 WH-WH-WHAT IS... A LASSO? WHAT IS THIS, A WESTERN? 385 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,198 AHA! 386 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,334 YES! (crowd cheers) 387 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,868 BERIUM BOY... 388 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,140 (whispers) BERYLLIUM. BERYLLIUM BOY... 389 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,642 HELP ME. WHAT ARE MY SPECIAL POWERS? 390 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,744 DON'T TELL HIM, MY COLANDER-CAPPED COLLEAGUE. 391 00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,347 YOU'RE ON MY SIDE, REMEMBER? 392 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:04,351 KYLE... I AM YOUR FATHER. 393 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,286 JOIN ME, 394 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:10,623 AND WE WILL STOP FOR ICE CREAM ON THE WAY HOME. 395 00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,293 WHAT ARE MY POWERS? HOW CAN I DESTROY HIM? 396 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,662 YOU COULD USE YOUR GUN. 397 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,398 GUN? I HAVE A GUN? 398 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,600 I HAVE A GUN! 399 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,735 (clicking) 400 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,737 YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE SOUND EFFECTS. 401 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,174 OH, FOR CRAP'S SAKE, WHAT'S THE SOUND EFFECT? 402 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,277 (all imitating laser sounds) 403 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,413 I GET IT! 404 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,584 BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. 405 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,720 THAT'S JUST "STUN." YOU GOTTA TURN IT TO "KILL." 406 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:41,888 (growls) 407 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:42,889 OW! 408 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:47,727 AAH! AAH! 409 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,731 MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT... 410 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,601 I DIDN'T GET THAT CHURRO. 411 00:18:55,835 --> 00:19:00,307 (all groan) 412 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,874 THAT WAS AWESOME, DAD. 413 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:05,178 I WANT TO GO BUY A COMMODORE CYCLOPS DOLL. 414 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,181 ACTION FIGURE, HONEY. ACTION FIGURE. RIGHT. 415 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,716 (groans) 416 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,318 COME ON. 417 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,186 I-I CAN'T GET UP. 418 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,623 MUST BE THE GRAVITY'S DIFFERENT THAN ON MY HOME PLANET. 419 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,326 YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT. IT'S THE GRAVITY. 420 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,860 (grunts) 421 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,562 OW. THANK YOU. 422 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,197 (grunts) 423 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,199 WELL, THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. 424 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,701 THANKS FOR MAKING ME LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF THE BOY. 425 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,238 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. TAKE A HIKE, WOULD YA? 426 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:34,307 I'M GETTING THE EYE FROM THAT LITTLE SPACE HOTTIE OVER THERE. 427 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,880 ARE YOU TELLING ME GIRLS LIKE THAT GO AFTER NERDS LIKE YOU? 428 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:45,184 JIM, I GET MORE TAIL THAN A TRIBBLE DURING MATING SEASON. 429 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,559 (playing blues) 430 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,267 HI, KYLE. 431 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,635 HI, DAD. THANKS FOR TAKING ME TODAY. 432 00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,304 IT WAS REALLY COOL. 433 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,240 YEAH. YEAH. YOU'RE WELCOME. I HAD FUN, TOO. 434 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,341 ME, TOO. 435 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,244 YOU WANT TO PLAY SOME TETHERBALL? 436 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,579 NO. 437 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,281 OH. 438 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,016 OKAY. FINE. (chuckles) 439 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,253 (resumes playing blues) 440 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,959 (playing high-pitched notes) 441 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,765 IT DOESN'T SOUND AS GOOD WHENEVER I DO IT. 442 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,302 WELL, SON, YOU'RE HOLDING IT WRONG. 443 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,937 CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW? 444 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,874 I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO. 445 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,043 COME HERE. SIT DOWN. 446 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,646 NOW PUT YOUR HAND LIKE A "C," OKAY? 447 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:50,817 THAT'S IT. OKAY, NOW MAKE YOUR OTHER HAND LIKE A CUP. 448 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,586 PUT IT BEHIND AND CLOSE IT OFF. SEE THAT? 449 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,023 ALL RIGHT, NOW BLOW REAL HARD, THEN SUCK REAL HARD. READY? 450 00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:00,259 (both playing harmonious notes) 32065

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