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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:05,106
ANDY, IS THERE ANYTHING
I LOVE MORE THAN A SANDWICH?
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,108
YOUR KIDS.
3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,777
ONLY IF THEY'RE
MAKING ME A SANDWICH.
4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,280
OH, CRAP.
THIS BREAD'S MOLDY.
5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,516
FREEZE!
6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,353
ANDY, I MAY BE CRAZY,
BUT IS THAT...
7
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,422
(gasps) THE FACE
OF WALTER PAYTON!
8
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,192
IT'S THE FACE OF WALTER
PAYTON! WALTER PAYTON!
9
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,328
I-I'LL GET THE SACRED TUPPERWARE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
10
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,097
OH, JIM, TWO YEARS AGO,
11
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:33,301
WE FOUND A MOLDY PIECE OF BREAD WITH THE FACE
OF MIKE DITKA. YES, AND LAST YEAR WE FOUND
12
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,270
THIS PIECE OF CHEESE
WITH THE FACE OF JIM McMAHON.
13
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,073
AND THEN THE HOLY BOLOGNA...
YES.
14
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,809
WITH THE FACE
OF MIKE SINGLETARY.
15
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,544
(laughs) AND NOW...
16
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,247
WITH PAYTON
ON THIS PIECE OF BREAD...
17
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:53,821
WE CAN BUILD THE SANDWICH
OF THE '85 BEARS.
18
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:58,826
(loud rumbling)
19
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,196
(thunder crashes)
20
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,199
HELLO, BOYS.
21
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,736
(gasps) WILLIAM "THE... THE...
THE REFRIGERATOR" PERRY?
22
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,338
OH, MY GOD.
23
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,740
I'M HERE TO EAT YOUR BABIES.
24
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,208
UH...
25
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,776
OH, JUST KIDDING.
26
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,147
I'M HERE TO GRANT YOU
ONE WISH.
27
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,482
AND NOTHING
TOO FREAKY DEAKY.
28
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,785
JIM, I-I-I KNOW IT'S
YOUR SANDWICH AND YOUR WISH...
29
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:28,722
RIGHT. BUT JUST ONCE, I'D LOVE TO
FIT IN A PAIR OF HIP HUGGER JEANS.
30
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,192
(grunts)
31
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,794
I WISH...
32
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,397
FOR A THOUSAND MORE WISHES!
33
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,134
DANG. YOU BEAT THE SYSTEM.
YES!
34
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,303
DON'T GO SPREADING THAT
AROUND.
35
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,273
OH, YOU... YOU... YOU DID...
A THOUSAND WISHES.
36
00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,475
A THOUSAND WISHES!
37
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,477
♪ GO, JIM, GO, JIM
♪ GO, JIM, GO, JIM
38
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,745
♪ JIM, JIM
♪ JIM, JIM
39
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,415
JIM, JIM, JIM, JIM, JIM.
HUH? HUH?
40
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,218
JIM, JIM, JIM.
HUH? WHAT?
41
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,220
HEY. THE KIDS
ARE AT THE NEIGHBORS',
42
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,255
AND THE TWINS ARE ASLEEP.
43
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,325
WANNA MAKE
A JIM AND CHERYL SANDWICH?
44
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,859
I DO INDEED.
45
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,298
HEY,
NOTHING TOO FREAKY DEAKY.
46
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,768
♪♪♪
47
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,679
HEY.
48
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,782
HEY. ALMOST DONE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
49
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,518
I THINK
SOME ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
50
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:34,688
IS MISSING THEIR TETHERBALL POLE. YOU KNOW
WHAT? THEY DIDN'T MISS THEIR TIRE SWING.
51
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,424
THEY'RE NOT GONNA MISS THIS.
52
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:39,260
THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN,
CAN I GO FIRST?
53
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,263
OH, I'M SORRY, GIRLS.
THIS ISN'T FOR YOU.
54
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,434
THIS IS FOR KYLE BECAUSE HE GOT
A "B" ON HIS LAST REPORT CARD.
55
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,436
WHAT? I GOT STRAIGHT A's,
56
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:51,439
AND I DON'T EVEN GET
A PAT ON THE BACK.
57
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:55,443
GRACIE, GIVE YOUR SISTER A PAT
ON THE BACK. GOOD JOB, BOOKWORM.
58
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,846
NOW GO GET THE YOUNG SCHOLAR
AND TELL HIM TO COME OUT HERE.
59
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,915
AH.
60
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,652
OKAY, SO WHY TETHERBALL?
61
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,654
WELL, I FIGURED
IT WAS THE ONLY SPORT
62
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,922
WHERE EVEN
HE COULDN'T LOSE THE BALL.
63
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,691
YOU KNOW, HONEY,
64
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,960
I-I JUST DON'T THINK
HE'S MUCH OF A SPORTS FAN.
65
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,229
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S SO FOCUSED
ON HIS STUDIES.
66
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,698
JIM, THE "B"
WE'RE HONORING HIM FOR
67
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,401
WAS IN ATTENDANCE.
68
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,237
HE DIDN'T MISS ANY DAYS,
AND HE GOT A "B."
69
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,739
WELL, I'M SORRY, CHERYL,
BUT THE POINT IS,
70
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,976
HE'S GONNA BE VERY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS,
71
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,912
AND HE'S GONNA WANNA PLAY
WITH ME.
72
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,715
HEY! THERE YOU ARE,
MY SCHOLAR,
73
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,318
MY BRIGHT YOUNG BOY.
74
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,786
THIS IS FOR YOU.
75
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,389
COOL. A FLAGPOLE AND A BALL.
76
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,623
THANKS.
77
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,359
NO, NO, NO. THIS IS TETHERBALL.
IT'S A GAME.
78
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,628
WHAT'S THE FLAGPOLE DO?
79
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,997
WELL, IT... IT... IT HOLDS
THE BALL.
80
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,832
WHERE'S THE FLAG?
81
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,902
A "B"...
82
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,638
IN ATTENDANCE.
83
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,039
WELL, THERE'S NO FLAGPOLE.
84
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,041
YOU SEE, I HIT THE BALL
85
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,378
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POLE
TO YOU. WHERE IT HITS MY FACE?
86
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,315
NO, YOU HIT IT BACK TO ME.
87
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,717
WITH MY FACE?
88
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,820
LISTEN, YOUNG MAN, I-I-I-I KNOW
YOU'VE BEEN HIT IN THE FACE
89
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,357
WITH A BASKETBALL
AND A BASEBALL...
90
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,792
AND A GOLF BALL...
91
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,028
A BOWLING BALL.
BOWLING BALL.
92
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:25,065
BUT THIS IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY FUN.
93
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,035
YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?
DO I HAVE TO?
94
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,737
(Andy in distance) KYLE!
95
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,805
PRESENT!
96
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,407
THAT'S REALLY GOOD, SON.
97
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,710
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO A "B" -PLUS
NEXT YEAR IN SCHOOL.
98
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,314
SWEETHEART, YOUR UNCLE
ANDY'S CALLING YOU. (groans)
99
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,782
NICE TRY.
100
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,918
NO, NO. HE LIKED IT.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW GUYS ARE.
101
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,921
HE JUST DIDN'T GET ALL EXCITED
ABOUT IT. THAT'S ALL.
102
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,090
(Kyle) I'M SO EXCITED!
THANKS, UNCLE ANDY.
103
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,362
OH, MY GOSH. THIS IS THE COOLEST
THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
104
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,030
I KNOW, RIGHT? (laughs)
YOU'RE WELCOME, KYLE.
105
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,600
I LOVE MAGNESIUM MAN.
106
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,836
WHO'S MILK OF MAGNESIA MAN?
107
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,338
IT'S MAGNESIUM MAN,
108
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,607
AND HE'S THE COOLEST SUPERHERO
IN THE WORLD.
109
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,909
OH, ANDY, THAT'S SO SWEET.
110
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,911
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
111
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,080
A MAN ON JIM'S SIDE
OF THE FAMILY GETS A "B."
112
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,383
A LOT OF 'EM
CAN'T EVEN SPELL "B."
113
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,884
VERY FUNNY.
114
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,720
COME ON. LET'S GO, UH,
PLAY SOME TETHERBALL.
115
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,656
DO YOU HAVE MORE SUPERHEROES
AT YOUR HOUSE?
116
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,925
I EVEN HAVE
A LIFE-SIZE LIMITED EDITION
117
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,927
MAGNESIUM MAN SUPER SECRET
SPACE CENTER.
118
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,963
WITH THE SWIVEL CHAIR
AND THE WORKING OTTOMAN?
119
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,632
WHAT?!
120
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,634
(Kyle and Andy)
SHINIER THAN STEEL.
121
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,035
LESS FLEXIBLE THAN GOLD.
122
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,871
MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM!
123
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,845
WOW.
(front door shuts)
124
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,747
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
125
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,583
I'M ALL ALONE.
126
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,051
I'M RIGHT HERE.
127
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,889
OH. WELL, THEN DO YOU MIND
TAKING A WALK?
128
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,768
SHINIER THAN STEEL.
MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM!
129
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,538
OW!
130
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,740
STUPID...
131
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,543
GAME!
132
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,545
(grunts)
133
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:21,582
ARE YOU OKAY?
134
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,517
WHAT'S WRONG?
135
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,519
I'VE BEEN OUT HERE
FOR AN HOUR,
136
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,556
AND NOW YOU COME OUT
AND ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG?
137
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,558
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
138
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:34,127
WELL, NOW YOU'RE ASKING ME
BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO ASK ME.
139
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,598
HONEY, I REALLY,
SINCERELY WANT TO KNOW.
140
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,166
WHAT'S WRONG?
141
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,506
I DON'T KNOW.
142
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,508
DO YOU THINK
MAYBE YOU'RE UPSET
143
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,511
'CAUSE KYLE WANTS TO PLAY
WITH ANDY INSTEAD OF YOU?
144
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,581
WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE
ALL OF A SUDDEN?
145
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:57,050
CAN'T A MAN JUST PLAY TETHERBALL
BY HIMSELF?
146
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,587
FINE. DO YOU WANT A BEER?
147
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:03,090
WILL BEER COME OUT HERE
AND PLAY WITH THE OLD MAN?
148
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,460
NO, BUT IT'LL HELP ME
GET THROUGH THIS AFTERNOON.
149
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,498
(laughs)
150
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,232
HEY, THERE'S MY SON.
151
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,134
HELLO, CITIZEN.
152
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:18,606
HELLO.
153
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,709
YOU... YOU COME HERE TO KNOCK
THE BALL AROUND WITH YOUR DAD?
154
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,644
UH, NO.
155
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,714
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?
156
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,483
I NEED TO GET SOME TINFOIL
FOR MY COSTUME.
157
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,185
ME AND UNCLE ANDY ARE MAKING
A BERYLLIUM BOY SUIT.
158
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,655
WHO IS BERYLLIUM BOY?
159
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,890
HE'S MAGNESIUM MAN'S
TRUSTY SIDEKICK.
160
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,626
HE'S GOT AWESOME POWERS.
161
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,928
LIKE WHAT?
162
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,231
HE CAN SENSE THE TEMPERATURE
OF ANYTHING JUST BY TOUCHING IT.
163
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,468
BE-BE-BERYLLIUM!
164
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,939
BE-BE-BERYLLIUM.
165
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,541
HUH!
HEY. JIM.
166
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,709
HEY. OW!
167
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,210
IS THAT A TETHERBALL?
168
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,613
WOW. THAT REALLY TAKES ME
BACK TO GRADE SCHOOL.
169
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,549
YOU USED TO PLAY?
170
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,518
NO, NO, BUT THE COOL KIDS
USED TO TIE ME UP TO THE POLE.
171
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,919
HEY, SPEAKING OF WHICH,
172
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:09,523
DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE KYLE TO
SCI-CON TOMORROW? OH, COME ON, ANDY.
173
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,659
YOU WANT TO TAKE
AN 8-YEAR-OLD BOY TO VIETNAM?
174
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,995
NO, NO, NO, NO.
NOT SAIGON, SCI-CON.
175
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:18,065
IT'S A SCIENCE FICTION
ENTHUSIAST CONVENTION.
176
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,167
YOU KNOW, ANDY,
177
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,202
NOTHING PERSONAL,
178
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,638
BUT I WOULD
NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF
179
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,207
IF I ALLOWED KYLE
TO GROW UP TO BE YOU.
180
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,676
THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
181
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,545
HOW... HOW COULD YOU SAY
SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME?
182
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,047
OH, NO. IT'S OKAY.
I SAID, "NOTHING PERSONAL."
183
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,283
WELL, IT FELT PERSONAL.
184
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,285
WELL, I DON'T MEAN YOU.
185
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,154
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOUR KIND.
186
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,156
I SWEAR TO GOD, JIM.
DO NOT DO IT.
187
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,926
DO NOT DROP THE "N" BOMB.
188
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,595
N-N-N-NERD!
189
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,931
GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
190
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,601
IS THAT STILL WHERE WE ARE
IN THIS COUNTRY?
191
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,268
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
192
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:59,940
OKAY, THE PREFERRED NOMENCLATURE
IS "SCIENCE FICTION AMERICAN."
193
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:03,043
HOW WOULD YOU SAY THAT
IN KLINGON?
194
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,946
NAG BAT KARLAM.
195
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,280
NERD!
196
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,283
AND I DON'T WANT MY SON
CATCHING IT FROM YOU.
197
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,285
YOU CAN'T CATCH NERD, JIM.
198
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,288
OH, YOU CAN SAY IT NOW. OH, YEAH,
'CAUSE WHEN WE SAY IT TO EACH OTHER,
199
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,257
IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT.
200
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,627
OH. IT'S CONFUSING
TO THE REST OF US, ANDY,
201
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,630
YOU KNOW, GUYS WITH WIVES
AND GIRLFRIENDS.
202
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,898
DON'T HATE THE NERD.
HATE THE GAME.
203
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,967
AH, GET OUTTA HERE.
204
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,869
AND LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE, JIM, OKAY?
205
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,872
KYLE WAS BORN A NERD, HE'LL
GROW UP TO BE A NERD... MM-HMM.
206
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,207
AND WHEN HE DIES,
THEY'LL SCATTER HIS NERD ASHES
207
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,309
THROUGHOUT
THE MOORADIAN SYSTEM.
208
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,612
I AM THE BOY'S FATHER.
209
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:42,883
I WILL DECIDE WHERE AND WHEN
HIS ASHES WILL BE SCATTERED.
210
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,285
WELL, I'M HIS UNCLE,
AND HE'D RATHER BE WITH ME
211
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,255
THAN HIS DOPEY, PIGHEADED,
NERD-O-PHOBIC DAD!
212
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,223
OH!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
213
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:54,161
YOUR DAD WOULD RATHER
WALK IN FRONT OF A BUS
214
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:58,098
THAN BE WITH YOU! SAYS THE MAN
WHOSE DAD LEFT HIM WHEN HE WAS 5!
215
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,867
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
216
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:03,303
I AM GONNA WALK AWAY BEFORE ONE
OF US SAYS SOMETHING HURTFUL.
217
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,011
(click)
218
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,146
(man)
AND NOW BACK TO "STAR TREK."
219
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,148
(click)
220
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,284
(man) OUR "STAR TREK...
THE NEXT GENERATION"
221
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,853
MARATHON CONTINUES.
(click)
222
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,022
(man) UP NEXT
ON "BBQ WITH BOBBY FLAY"...
223
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,090
OOH.
224
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,026
BOBBY GRILLS A KANSAS CITY
BONE-IN RIB EYE...
225
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,028
AH.
226
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,798
WITH "STAR TREK'S"
GEORGE TAKEI.
227
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,000
(click)
228
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,002
JIM, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
229
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,004
WHY KYLE'S UPSTAIRS
IN HIS BED
230
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,972
CRYING
AND WRAPPED IN TINFOIL?
231
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,040
YES.
232
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,876
HE'S A SAD NERD.
233
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,845
YOU KNOW, HONEY,
NERDS ARE COOL NOW.
234
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,980
THOSE GUYS THAT INVENTED
GOOGLE ARE BILLIONAIRES.
235
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:50,250
YEAH, BUT HAVE THEY
EVER KISSED A GIRL?
236
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,986
I'D KISS 'EM.
WHAT?
237
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,355
I MEAN, IF I WASN'T
MARRIED TO YOU.
238
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,958
WELL, BELIEVE ME, IF YOU CAN
FIND A BILLIONAIRE TO KISS,
239
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,160
PUCKER UP AND SEND ME
THE ALIMONY CHECK.
240
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,296
OH, HONEY, I'LL HAVE ALL SORTS
OF EXPENSIVE NERD LAWYERS.
241
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,332
YOU WON'T SEE A DIME.
242
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,036
VERY FUNNY.
243
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,270
WHAT'S WRONG?
244
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,039
I DON'T KNOW.
245
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,041
I'M JUST MAD AT ANDY
246
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,009
FOR TURNING MY BOY
INTO A NERD.
247
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,045
OKAY, JIM. (sighs)
248
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,013
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE MAD AT ANDY
249
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,716
AND THERE'S NOT
SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON?
250
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,718
OH, COME ON, CHERYL.
YOU KNOW ME.
251
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,987
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING
ELSE GOING ON. WHAT IS IT?
252
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,824
I SERIOUSLY THINK
THE BOY DOESN'T LIKE ME.
253
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,725
OH, JIM, THAT'S SILLY.
254
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,894
NO, HE DOESN'T!
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME AT ALL.
255
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,996
HE DOESN'T WANT
TO DO ANYTHING WITH ME.
256
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,231
OH, COME ON. HE LOVES YOU.
257
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,734
OF COURSE HE LOVES ME.
I'M HIS FATHER.
258
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,870
I'M HIS FATHER.
BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.
259
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,104
(sighs) OKAY.
260
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,007
DO YOU THINK MAYBE
YOU AND KYLE WOULD BE CLOSER
261
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,009
IF YOU DID
SOME THINGS TOGETHER?
262
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,880
YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT
TO DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO.
263
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,282
SO YOU THINK
HE SHOULD SMOKE CIGARS,
264
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,785
DRINK BEER
AND BET ON HORSES?
265
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,787
CHERYL, HE'S 8.
266
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,890
MAYBE IN TWO YEARS.
267
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,926
MAYBE YOU CAN DO SOME OF
THE THINGS THAT HE LIKES TO DO.
268
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:06,994
OH, COME ON.
269
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,230
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS
SIT AROUND AND WATCH CARTOONS.
270
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,867
YOU LOVE CARTOONS. I KNOW,
BUT HE NEVER LETS ME PICK.
271
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,103
YES, SOMETIMES HE CAN BE
SO CHILDLIKE.
272
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,238
EXACTLY.
273
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,875
I'M THE ADULT. HE SHOULD BE
DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO.
274
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,944
OKAY, HONEY,
WHEN THE GIRLS WERE LITTLE,
275
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,179
DID YOU WANT TO PLAY TEA PARTY
WITH THEM?
276
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:29,149
WELL, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
BUT YOU DID.
277
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,151
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
THEY'RE GIRLS.
278
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,154
THEY'RE NEVER GONNA WANT
TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.
279
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,891
I MEAN, THEY WERE A LOST CAUSE
FROM THE BEGINNING.
280
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,894
YOU PLAYED TEA PARTY BECAUSE
YOU WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO THEM.
281
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,097
DO THE SAME WITH KYLE. I WILL
NOT PLAY TEA PARTY WITH KYLE.
282
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,166
THE ONLY THING
WORSE THAN A NERD
283
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,168
IS A NERD IN A BONNET.
284
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,203
JIM, KYLE IS DYING TO GO
285
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,039
TO THE SCIENCE FICTION
CONVENTION.
286
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,808
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE HIM, THEN?
287
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,576
I DON'T HAVE TO. HE LIKES ME.
(scoffs)
288
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,545
(laughs)
OH, HONEY, COME ON.
289
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,547
GO. YOU'LL HAVE FUN TOGETHER,
290
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,550
AND MAYBE NEXT TIME HE'LL
WANT TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
291
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,152
YOU THINK SO?
292
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,554
I DO.
293
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,590
(clicks tongue) ALL RIGHT,
BUT YOU GOTTA DRIVE.
294
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,192
WHY ME?
295
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,061
WELL, IT'S ONLY
A NERD CONVENTION
296
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,063
IF MOMMY DROPS YOU OFF.
297
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:36,116
HEY, LOOK AT THIS GUY HERE.
298
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,551
HE LOOKS PRETTY COOL.
299
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,521
THAT'S JEFFREY.
HE'S FOR LOSERS, DAD.
300
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,123
WELL, ISN'T THIS...
301
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,459
ALL KIND OF FOR LOSERS?
302
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,561
HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE BABES?
303
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,198
THE LITHIUM LADIES?
YEAH.
304
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,968
THEIR COMIC BOOK IS RATED
INAPPROPRIATE FOR MY AGE.
305
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:58,205
WELL, MOM'S NOT HERE.
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
306
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,041
DAD?
YEAH.
307
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,375
YOU'RE KIND OF EMBARRASSING ME.
308
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,177
WHAT?
309
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,219
YOU GOT A GIANT BLUEBERRY
WITH THREE EYES,
310
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,121
AND I'M EMBARRASSING YOU?
311
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,056
COME ON.
312
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,025
THAT'S COMMODORE CYCLOPS.
313
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,159
GUESS WHO HE HATES.
314
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:23,196
I DON'T KNOW.
HIS PARENTS? GIRLS?
315
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,399
TAKING SHOWERS AT SCHOOL?
WEDGIES?
316
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,136
I CAN GO ON
FOR QUITE A WHILE, NOW.
317
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,138
HE HATES MAGNESIUM MAN.
318
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:35,175
OH! MAG-MAG-MAGNESIUM MAN.
319
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,944
HARK!
320
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:40,013
IT IS MY FAITHFUL COMPANION,
BERYLLIUM BOY.
321
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,182
WHAT ARE YOU,
A SPACE SUPPOSITORY?
322
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,253
OUR INSULTS
MEAN NOTHING TO ME,
323
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,089
BECAUSE I AM MAGNESIUM MAN!
MAGNESIUM MAN!
324
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,324
OH.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY, DAD.
325
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:54,127
I CAN JUST HANG OUT
WITH UNCLE ANDY.
326
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,528
I WILL MEET YOU
327
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,530
IN THE FORTRESS
OF REFLECTITUDE.
328
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,032
HUH?
329
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,068
IT'S NEXT
TO THE LOST AND FOUND.
330
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,070
(British accent)
HE HAS RETURNED TO THE UNCLE,
331
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,704
JUST AS
THE ORACLE PREDICTED.
332
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:08,375
(nerdy voice) OH, AND WHAT
THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
333
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,377
LO, IT WAS FORETOLD
MILLENNIA AGO
334
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,180
THAT IN THE AGE OF ANDY
WOULD ARISE A HERO
335
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,182
WHO WOULD ALSO BE ANDY,
336
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:20,053
AND HE WOULD REAP VENGEANCE
UPON... (whiny voice) JIM.
337
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,055
KNOCK IT OFF.
338
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,490
HA HA HA!
339
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,159
YOUR SON THINKS THAT
THIS SCIENCE FICTION AMERICAN
340
00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,695
IS COOLER THAN HIS DAD.
(laughs)
341
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,964
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?
342
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,969
HAVE HIM HOME BY 5:00.
343
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,704
WHOA, WHAT? NO, WAIT, WAIT.
NO, NO.
344
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,672
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO INSULT ME HERE.
345
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,674
WE'RE FIGHTING,
AND... AND I'M WINNING.
346
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,677
LOOK, I-I-I SHOULD'VE NEVER
SAID THOSE THINGS TO YOU.
347
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:47,747
I SHOULD'VE NEVER CALLED
YOU A NERD, ANDY. (all gasp)
348
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,717
UH, NO. BIRD, BIRD!
HE CALLED ME A BIRD.
349
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,320
NO, I DIDN'T.
I CALLED HIM A NERD.
350
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,323
ANY OF YOU
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
351
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,760
LOOK, ANDY, I...
352
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:05,098
I WAS MAD BECAUSE, HONESTLY,
KYLE'S JUST NOT INTO ME,
353
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:09,102
EVEN WHEN I DO THINGS
THAT HE WANTS TO DO.
354
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,704
ARE YOU WEARING
A CODPIECE?
355
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,706
(clears throat)
IRRELEVANT.
356
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,010
I DON'T KNOW.
357
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,412
HE USED TO THINK OF ME
AS HIS HERO.
358
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,781
A FEW YEARS AGO,
HE USED TO LOOK AT ME
359
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,984
LIKE I WAS THE GREATEST GUY
IN THE WORLD.
360
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,755
I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.
361
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,058
JIM, JIM, WAIT...
WAIT A MINUTE.
362
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,694
YOU WANT TO BE A HERO?
363
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,364
YOU'VE COME
TO THE RIGHT PLACE. COME ON.
364
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,204
WELL, BERYLLIUM BOY,
365
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,673
WE HAVE VANQUISHED
ALL THE EVIL IN THE WORLD.
366
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,776
I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR A CHURRO.
367
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:53,746
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
MAGNESIUM MAN.
368
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,415
WHOA. DAD, IS THAT YOU?
369
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:59,686
NO. I AM COMMODORE CYCLOPS.
370
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,290
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY
OUT OF THIS PART OF THE GALAXY.
371
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,358
(all gasp and murmur)
YOU METALLIC MORON.
372
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,162
EYE...
373
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,697
WILL DESTROY YOU!
374
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,366
OH, NO, YOU WON'T.
375
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,637
(Andy and Jim grunting)
376
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,672
(coughs)
377
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,076
(clears throat) AAH!
378
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,677
(grunts)
(grunts) HA! HA!
379
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:28,215
(laughs)
OH! OH! OH!
380
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,750
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD A CODPIECE.
381
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,086
(falsetto voice)
IT WAS JUST FOR SHOW.
382
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,822
AAH! MY EYE!
383
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:40,360
(normal voice)
WHERE MY WEAPON AT? HA! HA HA!
384
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,363
WH-WH-WHAT IS... A LASSO?
WHAT IS THIS, A WESTERN?
385
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,198
AHA!
386
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,334
YES!
(crowd cheers)
387
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,868
BERIUM BOY...
388
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,140
(whispers) BERYLLIUM.
BERYLLIUM BOY...
389
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,642
HELP ME.
WHAT ARE MY SPECIAL POWERS?
390
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,744
DON'T TELL HIM,
MY COLANDER-CAPPED COLLEAGUE.
391
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,347
YOU'RE ON MY SIDE, REMEMBER?
392
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:04,351
KYLE... I AM YOUR FATHER.
393
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,286
JOIN ME,
394
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:10,623
AND WE WILL STOP FOR ICE CREAM
ON THE WAY HOME.
395
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,293
WHAT ARE MY POWERS?
HOW CAN I DESTROY HIM?
396
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,662
YOU COULD USE YOUR GUN.
397
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,398
GUN? I HAVE A GUN?
398
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,600
I HAVE A GUN!
399
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,735
(clicking)
400
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,737
YOU HAVE TO MAKE
THE SOUND EFFECTS.
401
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,174
OH, FOR CRAP'S SAKE,
WHAT'S THE SOUND EFFECT?
402
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,277
(all imitating laser sounds)
403
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,413
I GET IT!
404
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,584
BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. BOOP.
405
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,720
THAT'S JUST "STUN."
YOU GOTTA TURN IT TO "KILL."
406
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:41,888
(growls)
407
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:42,889
OW!
408
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:47,727
AAH! AAH!
409
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,731
MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT...
410
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,601
I DIDN'T GET THAT CHURRO.
411
00:18:55,835 --> 00:19:00,307
(all groan)
412
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,874
THAT WAS AWESOME, DAD.
413
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:05,178
I WANT TO GO BUY
A COMMODORE CYCLOPS DOLL.
414
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,181
ACTION FIGURE, HONEY.
ACTION FIGURE. RIGHT.
415
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,716
(groans)
416
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,318
COME ON.
417
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,186
I-I CAN'T GET UP.
418
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,623
MUST BE THE GRAVITY'S DIFFERENT
THAN ON MY HOME PLANET.
419
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,326
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
IT'S THE GRAVITY.
420
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,860
(grunts)
421
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,562
OW. THANK YOU.
422
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,197
(grunts)
423
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,199
WELL, THANK YOU, MY FRIEND.
424
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,701
THANKS FOR MAKING ME LOOK GOOD
IN FRONT OF THE BOY.
425
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,238
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
TAKE A HIKE, WOULD YA?
426
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:34,307
I'M GETTING THE EYE FROM THAT
LITTLE SPACE HOTTIE OVER THERE.
427
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,880
ARE YOU TELLING ME GIRLS LIKE
THAT GO AFTER NERDS LIKE YOU?
428
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:45,184
JIM, I GET MORE TAIL THAN
A TRIBBLE DURING MATING SEASON.
429
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,559
(playing blues)
430
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,267
HI, KYLE.
431
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,635
HI, DAD.
THANKS FOR TAKING ME TODAY.
432
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,304
IT WAS REALLY COOL.
433
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,240
YEAH. YEAH. YOU'RE WELCOME.
I HAD FUN, TOO.
434
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,341
ME, TOO.
435
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,244
YOU WANT TO PLAY
SOME TETHERBALL?
436
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,579
NO.
437
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,281
OH.
438
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,016
OKAY. FINE. (chuckles)
439
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,253
(resumes playing blues)
440
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,959
(playing high-pitched notes)
441
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,765
IT DOESN'T SOUND AS GOOD
WHENEVER I DO IT.
442
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,302
WELL, SON,
YOU'RE HOLDING IT WRONG.
443
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,937
CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW?
444
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,874
I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO.
445
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,043
COME HERE. SIT DOWN.
446
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,646
NOW PUT YOUR HAND
LIKE A "C," OKAY?
447
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:50,817
THAT'S IT. OKAY, NOW MAKE
YOUR OTHER HAND LIKE A CUP.
448
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,586
PUT IT BEHIND AND CLOSE IT OFF.
SEE THAT?
449
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,023
ALL RIGHT, NOW BLOW REAL HARD,
THEN SUCK REAL HARD. READY?
450
00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:00,259
(both playing harmonious notes)
32065
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