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1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,248
(sounds of baseball game playing on TV)
COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON!
2
00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:07,241
HEY, HONEY.
HEY.
3
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:10,111
ARE YOU STUCK LIKE THAT?
YEAH, KIND OF.
4
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,346
SEE, AN HOUR AGO, THE
CUBS WERE LOSING... MM-HMM.
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,349
AND I PUT MY FOOT ON THE TABLE,
AND RAMIREZ HIT A HOME RUN.
6
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,052
OH.
THEN 20 MINUTES LATER,
7
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,821
I-I PUT MY HAND ON THE CHAIR
TO BALANCE MYSELF...
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,757
DERREK LEE
DRIVES TWO RUNS IN.
9
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,826
WELL, HONEY,
I HOPE YOUR CUBS WIN.
10
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,828
OH, THANK YOU, BABY.
MM.
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,264
(man) AND THAT'S
A SINGLE UP THE MIDDLE,
12
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:33,267
AND THE CUBS
HAVE TIED THE GAME.
13
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:36,570
DON'T MOVE.
14
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,573
AND THAT'S THE BALL GAME.
CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!
15
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,309
YES!
16
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,245
WE DID IT. WE DID IT. WE DID
IT. WE DID IT. WE DID IT. (groans)
17
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,746
THANK YOU, BABY.
OH, NO PROBLEM.
18
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,783
AND GAME 2 OF OUR DOUBLEHEADER
WILL BEGIN IN 20 MINUTES.
19
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,420
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
20
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,259
BUT I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
21
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,362
IN THREE HOURS, KYLE.
22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,398
♪♪♪
23
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,842
(groans) COME ON,
MOM. IT'S JUST THE MALL.
24
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,844
ALL THE OTHER KIDS
ARE GOING.
25
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:20,281
BUT NO PARENTS ARE GOING.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.
26
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,815
MOM, I'M 14.
27
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:25,253
IN BIBLICAL TIMES,
14 YEAR OLDS WERE MOTHERS.
28
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:30,258
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHY
YOU'RE NOT GOING.
29
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,261
GOD, MOM, HOW CAN
YOU BE SO UNCOOL?
30
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,263
YEARS OF PRACTICE.
31
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,166
YEAH, A LOT OF YEARS.
32
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:44,572
YOU SHOULD HOPE YOU GOT THIS
GOING ON WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE.
33
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,140
NO! NO!
34
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:49,210
IT'S JUST THE MALL, JIM.
ALL THE OTHER GUYS ARE GOING.
35
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,779
NO! NO WAY.
IT... IT'S A WORKDAY.
36
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,515
"AXIS POWER OF EVIL 3"
COMES OUT AT 10:00 A.M.
37
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,617
IT'S THE BIGGEST VIDEO GAME
OF THE YEAR.
38
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,187
I'M GONNA CAMP OUT ALL NIGHT
SO I'M FIRST IN LINE.
39
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,655
ANDY, YOU KNOW, NO WAY
YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT.
40
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,657
YOU'RE GONNA SLEEP
AT WORK ALL DAY.
41
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:06,427
I AM 34 YEARS OLD.
I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
42
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:09,163
YOU KNOW, IN BIBLICAL TIMES,
I'D BE DEAD BY NOW.
43
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,165
ANDY, YOU WOULDN'T BE DEAD,
44
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:14,835
BUT TWO OF EVERY ANIMAL
WOULD BE TRYING TO BOARD YOU.
45
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,438
(Ruby) GOD, MOM, I GET IT!
46
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,540
(Cheryl) DO NOT WALK AWAY
FROM ME.
47
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,409
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
48
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,411
I AM TALKING TO YOU,
YOUNG LADY.
49
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,713
I'M GOING TO MY ROOM,
LESS YOUNG LADY.
50
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,750
GOOD. GOOD. I WANT YOU
TO GO TO YOUR ROOM. GOOD.
51
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,452
GOOD.
GOOD!
52
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,421
GOOD!
GOOD!
53
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:34,888
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
54
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,890
WHAT ARE THEY
FIGHTING ABOUT?
55
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:39,493
I DON'T KNOW,
AND I DON'T CARE.
56
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,895
RUBY'S GOING THROUGH ONE
OF THOSE DIFFICULT TIMES
57
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,897
THAT ALL GIRLS GO THROUGH,
58
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,467
YOU KNOW, BETWEEN
THE AGES OF 14 AND 80.
59
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,769
WELL, AREN'T YOU
GONNA DO SOMETHING?
60
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:51,205
NO WAY, NO WAY
DO YOU GET BETWEEN
61
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,207
A DAUGHTER
AND A MOTHER FIGHTING.
62
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:56,210
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO
IS HOSE 'EM DOWN.
63
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,879
(Ruby) I'M NEVER GONNA
COME OUT OF MY ROOM!
64
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,881
(slams door)
65
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,517
(Cheryl) I'VE GOT DOORS,
TOO, YOU KNOW!
66
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,985
(slams door)
67
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,521
WOW, IT'S LIKE
A WAR ZONE HERE.
68
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,423
YEAH, GET THE HOSE. OOH.
69
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,562
SPEAKING OF WAR ZONES,
70
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,697
"AXIS POWER OF EVIL 3"
71
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,900
HAS FIVE CUSTOMIZABLE LEVELS
OF MULTIPLAYER CARNAGE.
72
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,669
FORGET IT, ANDY!
73
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,605
NO. I'LL LET YOU BE HITLER.
74
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,807
STALIN?
75
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,710
(gasps) HUGO CHáVEZ.
YOU LIKE HIM.
76
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,712
I DON'T LIKE HIM.
77
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,681
I JUST THINK
HE DRESSES WELL.
78
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,684
NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO THE MALL.
79
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,686
FINE.
80
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,890
RUBY, THIS IS YOUR FATHER!
81
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,527
GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!
82
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,596
HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
83
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:52,400
YOU FORCED MY HAND, JIM,
SO TAKE THAT.
84
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,602
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
85
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,604
OH, IT'S
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
86
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,839
I'M TRYING TO SEE
IF IT'LL CATCH ON,
87
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,509
AND I'M CAMPING OUT
AT THE MALL.
88
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,777
(door closes)
89
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,779
WHAT?
90
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,948
NOTHING.
91
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,950
FALSE ALARM.
92
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,653
I THOUGHT
YOU WANTED TO TALK.
93
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:16,390
(laughing) COME ON, RUBY,
DO I EVER WANT TO TALK?
94
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,597
YOU KNOW, NOW THAT
I'M DOWN HERE...
95
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,966
YOU'RE GONNA VACUUM?
(laughs)
96
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:30,504
DAD, YOU'RE SO FUNNY
AND SO EASY TO TALK TO.
97
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:34,442
OH, RUBY, STOP TRYING
TO BUTTER ME UP.
98
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,810
I JUST WISH MOM COULD
BE COOL LIKE YOU.
99
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,483
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
SWEETHEART?
100
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,718
YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT
ABOUT YOU, DAD?
101
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,620
YOU JUST GO WITH THE FLOW.
102
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,889
YOU DON'T GET ALL WORKED UP
ABOUT STUFF.
103
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,891
YEAH, THAT IS GREAT
ABOUT ME...
104
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,827
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, ON A LIST
OF MANY GREAT THINGS.
105
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,829
EXACTLY. WHY CAN'T MOM
BE THAT COOL?
106
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,632
CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE WON'T
LET ME GO TO THE MALL
107
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,901
BECAUSE THERE AREN'T GONNA
BE ANY PARENTS AROUND?
108
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,736
(scoffs) THAT IS SO HER.
109
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,872
TOTALLY.
TOTALLY.
110
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:09,410
WITH HER, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE,
LIKE, AN EPIC FREAK-OUT.
111
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,812
LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU, RUBY.
112
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,383
MOMS GO THROUGH THIS THING
CALLED "THE CHANGE"
113
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:18,786
WHERE THEY GO FROM "COOL"
TO "UNCOOL,"
114
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:22,590
AND SOMETIMES THEY GET HOT
FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
115
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:25,459
I GUESS THERE'S JUST NO WAY
TO CHANGE HER MIND ABOUT THIS.
116
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,595
I MEAN, YOU KNOW...
117
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,563
SHE'S NOT THE COOL ONE.
118
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,702
I'LL TALK TO HER FOR YOU.
119
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,704
OH, MY GOD, YOU WOULD?
120
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,439
YEAH. (chuckles)
121
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,441
YOU'RE THE COOLEST DAD EVER.
WELL...
122
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,443
I HOPE YOU NEVER GO
THROUGH "THE CHANGE."
123
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,446
WELL, "THE CHANGE" IS
A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR DADS.
124
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,448
WHEN THEY GO
THROUGH "THE CHANGE,"
125
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,818
THEY GET A YOUNG GIRLFRIEND
AND A FAST CAR.
126
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,554
I'LL TALK TO YOUR MOM.
127
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,590
LET ME DO
MY LITTLE JIM MAGIC.
128
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,462
OH, HEY, CHERYL.
129
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,464
I JUST GOT HOME.
130
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,665
YOU DID NOT.
131
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,735
I SAW YOU COWERING BY THE DOOR
WHEN I WAS FIGHTING WITH RUBY.
132
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,571
I WAS NOT COWERING.
133
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,106
OH, YEAH? WHY WERE YOU
HOLDING HANDS WITH ANDY?
134
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,743
'CAUSE I WAS SCARED.
135
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,712
BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER
IS OUT OF CONTROL.
136
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,715
OKAY, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
I JUST TALKED TO HER, ALL RIGHT?
137
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,485
OH, YEAH? YEAH, AND...
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
138
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,455
POSSIBLY, THE SMALL THING...
YOU COULD RELAX A LITTLE BIT.
139
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,090
RELAX?
140
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,560
NOT "RELAX," NOT THAT WORD,
OR "CALM DOWN,"
141
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,695
ANY OF THOSE WORDS
THAT YOU HATE. NOT...
142
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,631
OKAY, OKAY, WHAT DID
RUBY SAY TO YOU?
143
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,199
NOTHING.
HUH?
144
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,634
NOTHING AT ALL,
145
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,770
JUST THAT, YOU KNOW,
HER FRIENDS ARE GOING.
146
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,638
THE MALL'S A SAFE PLACE.
147
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,774
YOU DON'T NEED
AN EPIC FREAK-OUT HERE.
148
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,642
(laughs sarcastically)
149
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,511
"EPIC FREAK-OUT," JIM?
150
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,513
YEAH.
WHAT, DID RUBY WRITE DOWN
151
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:55,048
THE EXACT WORDS
SHE WANTED YOU TO SAY TO ME?
152
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,650
NO, CHERYL.
UH-HUH.
153
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,819
YOU KNOW, JUST MAYBE
I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO KIDS.
154
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,589
OH.
YEAH, AND IT TURNS OUT
155
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,091
THAT I MIGHT BE JUST
A LITTLE COOLER THAN YOU.
156
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,726
(laughs)
157
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,761
YOU'RE COOLER THAN ME.
158
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,797
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD.
159
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,132
YEAH, BY WHO?
160
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,602
PEOPLE, MY PEEPS.
161
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,570
OH, RIGHT, YOUR "PEEPS."
162
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:17,838
MY PEEPS.
YEAH.
163
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,807
THEY'RE OUT THERE.
JUST ASK 'EM.
164
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,709
YOU KNOW
WHO I'M GONNA ASK?
165
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,243
I'M GONNA ASK RUBY,
166
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,245
BECAUSE SHE IS WORKING YOU
LIKE A HAND PUPPET,
167
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,615
AND YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW IT. YEAH?
168
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,617
YEAH.
169
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,619
WELL...
170
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,021
(grunts)
171
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,089
WHAT IS THAT?
172
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,727
LOOK WHO'S NOT SO COOL NOW.
173
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,532
SO...
AAH!
174
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,033
HOW'D IT GO?
175
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,068
EPIC FREAK-OUT.
176
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,638
I GUESS THAT MEANS
I CAN'T GO... I GUESS.
177
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,240
SINCE MOM'S THE BOSS.
178
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:54,675
HOLD IT.
179
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,677
SHE IS NOT THE BOSS.
180
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,646
SHE IS MIDDLE MANAGEMENT.
181
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,682
I AM THE C.E.O.,
THE C.F.O.,
182
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:05,619
THE M.V.P. AND THE AYATOLLAH
OF ROCK 'N' ROLL-A.
183
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,254
DADDY,
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
184
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,256
I AM SAYING YOU'RE GOING...
185
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,559
(whispering) TO
THE MALL. REALLY?
186
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,093
SHH!
187
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,529
(normal voice)
I'LL JUST TELL YOUR MOM
188
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,098
I'M TAKING YOU TO
YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE TO STUDY,
189
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,535
AND THEN US COOL PEOPLE
WILL HAVE A COOL SECRET.
190
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:24,538
ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT?
191
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:28,008
TOTALLY.
(laughs)
192
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,011
ALL RIGHT, JUST SO I KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE,
193
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,614
JUST THE MALL, RIGHT?
YES.
194
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,316
ARE THERE GONNA BE ANY
BOYS THERE? PROBABLY.
195
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,686
ANY DRUGS?
196
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,287
I HAVE NO IDEA.
197
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,091
OKAY, AS LONG AS I'VE ASKED
THE TOUGH QUESTIONS.
198
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,831
(man) ...WHERE VENEZUELAN
STRONGMAN HUGO CHáVEZ
199
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,065
ADDRESSED THE UNITED NATIONS.
200
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,635
WHAT WAS HE WEARING?
WHAT WAS HE WEARING?
201
00:08:56,904 --> 00:09:00,841
HEY, MY BEAUTIFUL
YOUNG DOLL.
202
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,810
DID YOU HAVE FUN?
203
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,978
YEAH, IT WAS AWESOME.
(chuckles)
204
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,114
WERE THERE BOYS THERE?
205
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,617
YEAH.
206
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,018
ANY DRUGS?
207
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,587
NO.
YES!
208
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,923
THANK YOU FOR MAKING
YOUR OLD MAN LOOK SO GOOD.
209
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,091
I KNEW I WAS RIGHT
TO TRUST YOU.
210
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,760
THANKS FOR BELIEVING
IN ME, DAD.
211
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,762
AW, BABY. ME AND MY
FRIENDS WERE TALKING.
212
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,897
MM-HMM. AND YOU GOT
VOTED SECOND-COOLEST DAD.
213
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,899
AW, BABY, THANKS.
214
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,902
WAIT A MINUTE, SECOND?
215
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:31,872
I LET YOU ROAM AROUND A MALL
INFESTED WITH BOYS AND DRUGS,
216
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,874
AND I'M SECOND?
217
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,375
NUMBER TWO'S GOOD.
218
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,311
COME ON, WHAT DO I GOTTA DO
TO BE NUMBER ONE?
219
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,313
I MEAN, I'M ALREADY
IN A BAND.
220
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:44,818
WELL, ERIN'S DAD LETS HER
DRIVE HIS CAR SOMETIMES.
221
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,888
ALL RIGHT,
HANDS AT 10:00 AND 2:00.
222
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,890
VERY GOOD.
223
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,860
OKAY, NOW JUST GIVE IT
A LITTLE GAS.
224
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,996
(tires squealing) HIT THE BRAKE!
HIT THE BRAKE! HIT THE BRAKE!
225
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:59,399
THIS IS SO COOL!
226
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,869
EPICALLY COOL?
227
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,637
EPICALLY COOL
228
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,273
WOULD BE IF I COULD DRIVE
WITHOUT YOU IN THE CAR.
229
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:10,010
UH, I-I-I THINK I'M GOOD
WITH JUST REGULAR COOL.
230
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,280
CAN I DO DOUGHNUTS?
NO.
231
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,349
HOW ABOUT A BOOTLEGGER'S TURN
WITH THE E-BRAKE?
232
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,952
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THAT IS.
233
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,757
HOW ABOUT
I SCARE THAT NERD?
234
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,426
AS LONG AS YOU GOT
YOUR SEAT BELT ON.
235
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,296
10:00 AND 2:00,
10:00 AND 2:00.
236
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,899
(tires squealing)
237
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,702
AAH!
238
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,405
(laughs)
239
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,310
OH, MY GOD.
240
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,312
THAT NERD WAS UNCLE ANDY.
241
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,280
IT WAS?
YEAH.
242
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,783
(laughs)
243
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:52,720
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, THIS STAYS
BETWEEN YOU AND ME, RIGHT?
244
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,822
GOT IT. ALL RIGHT,
'CAUSE BELIEVE ME,
245
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,691
IF YOUR MOM'S NOT COOL ENOUGH
TO LET YOU GO TO THE MALL,
246
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,259
SHE'S NOT COOL ENOUGH
247
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,829
TO LET YOU DRIVE AT NIGHT,
UNDERAGE, WITHOUT A LICENSE.
248
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:06,433
BUT HEY,
WE'RE NOT DRINKING,
249
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,435
AND YOU FINISHED
ALL YOUR HOMEWORK.
250
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,870
MOST OF IT.
251
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,872
YES! MOST OF YOUR HOMEWORK.
252
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:15,743
(laughs)
253
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:18,712
(sounds of video game
playing on TV)
254
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,783
PUT THAT IN YOUR CENTRIFUGE,
KIM JONG IL!
255
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:26,987
WHAT THE FUDGE?
256
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,990
IS THAT
"AXIS POWER OF EVIL 3"?
257
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,460
DAD LET ME AND MY FRIEND STAN
CAMP OUT AT THE MALL.
258
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,695
WE WERE FIRST IN LINE.
259
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,969
W-WELL, CAN I BORROW IT?
260
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,805
GO TO THE MALL
AND GET YOUR OWN.
261
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,406
OOH! OH, HELL NO.
262
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:49,409
NO, NO, NO. THREE DAYS AGO, SOME
MANIACS TRIED TO RUN ME DOWN.
263
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,444
I THINK
THEY WERE ON DRUGS.
264
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:57,785
SO, JIM, WHEN WERE YOU
GONNA TELL ME?
265
00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:01,421
RIGHT NOW.
266
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,423
I LOVE YOU, CHERYL.
267
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:07,494
YOU BACKED INTO MY VAN
WITH YOUR TRUCK.
268
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:10,230
I DIDN'T KNOW I DID THAT.
WAS I HURT?
269
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,232
OH... (groans)
270
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,234
JIM, HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I WARNED YOU
271
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:17,204
ABOUT BACKING OUT OF THE GARAGE
WITHOUT LOOKING? I ALWAYS LOOK.
272
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,439
NO, YOU DON'T. YOU'RE ALWAYS
MESSING WITH THE RADIO
273
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,441
OR PUTTING SUGAR
IN YOUR COFFEE.
274
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,912
OR PLUCKING NOSE HAIRS.
I'VE SEEN IT.
275
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,948
YOU KNOW, ALL I HEAR
ARE ACCUSATIONS.
276
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,350
I SEE NO HARD EVIDENCE.
277
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,353
OKAY, THERE'S A DENT
IN THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK
278
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:36,389
THAT EXACTLY MATCHES A DENT
IN THE FRONT OF MY VAN.
279
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,259
THAT'S
PRETTY GOOD EVIDENCE.
280
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,330
AND I'M GUESSING YOUR TRUCK
DIDN'T DRIVE ITSELF.
281
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,799
OH, I SEE.
282
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,340
SO YOU DIDN'T DO IT,
283
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,375
AND, UH,
284
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:59,312
NO ONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY
HAS A LICENSE,
285
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:02,249
RIGHT?
286
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:06,253
SO I GUESS, LOGICALLY
THEN, IT WOULD BE ME.
287
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,488
JIM, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'D DO THAT
288
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,391
TO A MEMBER
OF YOUR OWN FAMILY.
289
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,394
KYLE, LOOK, SANTA CLAUS!
290
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,430
(laughs maniacally)
291
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,577
AFTERNOON.
292
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,249
(sighs)
293
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,918
WAIT.
294
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,487
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY TO ME?
295
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,223
YEAH, WE'RE OUT
OF APPLE JUICE.
296
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,558
(stammering)
297
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:49,229
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE LEAVING
ME HANGING WITH YOUR ACCIDENT.
298
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,597
MY ACCIDENT?
299
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,966
THERE'S PLENTY OF HARD EVIDENCE
THAT IT'S YOUR ACCIDENT.
300
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,035
(groans)
301
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,070
KNOCK IT OFF.
SIT DOWN.
302
00:13:57,104 --> 00:14:00,874
NOW I KNOW YOU BACKED MY TRUCK
INTO MOM'S VAN.
303
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,642
I WANTED
TO PRACTICE DRIVING.
304
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,945
YOU AND MOM WENT
FOR A WALK,
305
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,247
AND THE KEYS WERE
JUST SITTING THERE.
306
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,249
LOOK, MISTAKES WERE MADE.
307
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,585
YEAH, I THINK HAVING YOU
MIGHT HAVE BEEN ONE OF 'EM.
308
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,523
NOW YOU GOTTA COME CLEAN,
309
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,525
AND YOU GOTTA
TELL YOUR MOM EVERYTHING.
310
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,027
EVERYTHING?
YES, EVERYTHING.
311
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,595
THAT I BACKED YOUR
TRUCK INTO HER VAN... YES.
312
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,966
BECAUSE YOU LET ME DRIVE
THE TRUCK THE OTHER NIGHT?
313
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,468
(inhales sharply)
314
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,470
HOLD ON, MISSY.
315
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,906
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO HERE,
316
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,908
AND IT'S NOT WORKING.
317
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:38,578
OH, REALLY?
YES, REALLY.
318
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,581
I'M SORRY, MOM. I REALIZED
ONCE I GOT TO THE MALL,
319
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,583
I WAS IN WAY OVER MY HEAD,
320
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,552
BUT DAD SAID
IT'D BUILD CHARACTER,
321
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,554
AND THEN HE MADE ME
DRIVE THE TRUCK
322
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,456
SO THAT HE COULD
BE THE COOL DAD.
323
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,558
(inhales sharply)
324
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,494
(voice cracking) BUT I DIDN'T
FEEL COOL AT ALL.
325
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,369
OH.
326
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,371
WOW.
327
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,373
YOU KNOW,
A FATHER LOOKS FORWARD
328
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,608
TO THOSE MOMENTS
IN HIS DAUGHTER'S LIFE...
329
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,610
THE FIRST WORDS,
THE FIRST STEPS,
330
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,480
NOT THE FIRST BLACKMAIL!
331
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,715
WELL, HERE'S ONE
FOR YOUR PHOTO ALBUM.
332
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,952
AN 11th GRADER IS HAVING
A PARTY SATURDAY NIGHT,
333
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,954
AND GUESS WHO'S DECIDED
SHE'S GOING.
334
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,023
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
335
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,525
NOPE, AND YOU'RE DRIVING ME.
336
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,127
WHAT?
337
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,063
UNLESS YOU WANT ME
TO GO TALK TO MOM.
338
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,033
WAIT, HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR MIND? OH, JIM.
339
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,701
J-JIM?!
340
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,371
YOU... YOU...
341
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:41,008
YOU GOT ME
HANDCUFFED, GIRL.
342
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,413
NICE JOB.
343
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,648
IF IT MAKES YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER...
344
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,650
(sighs)
345
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:54,054
I FEEL REALLY BAD
JACKING YOU UP LIKE THIS.
346
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,488
THAT IS A LIE.
347
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,490
WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
348
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:01,028
YOU'RE SO COOL YOU CAN RECOGNIZE
WHEN I'M LYING TO YOU.
349
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,030
RUBY!
350
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,365
(grunts)
351
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:13,040
♪♪♪
352
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,743
THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.
353
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,745
PICK ME UP AT MIDNIGHT.
354
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,081
MIDNIGHT?
355
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,783
I'LL TEXT YOU
IF IT'S GONNA BE LATER.
356
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,785
OKAY, AND I'LL TEXT YOU
357
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,754
WITH THE ADDRESS
OF YOUR NEW FOSTER HOME.
358
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:31,058
PERHAPS YOU'VE FORGOTTEN.
359
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,060
I'VE GOT YOU HANDCUFFED.
360
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,462
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT.
361
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,464
YOU DO HAVE ME HANDCUFFED,
362
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,200
AND NOW
I HAVE YOU HANDCUFFED.
363
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,402
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!
YES, I CAN.
364
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:46,039
OH, MY GOSH, RUBY,
JOSH JUST TALKED TO ZACH.
365
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,775
HE WAS TOTALLY
ASKING ABOUT YOU.
366
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:52,445
RUBE, THAT IS TOTALLY
EPICALLY AWESOME.
367
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,447
UM, YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.
368
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,417
COME ON, RUBE, LET'S GO SEE
IF ZACH WANTS TO DANCE.
369
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,819
JOSH, DO YOU REALLY THINK
ZACH WANTS TO DANCE?
370
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,354
TOTALLY.
371
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,491
TOTALLY!
LET'S GO DANCE, BABY.
372
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,659
COME ON,
LET'S GO DANCE. OH!
373
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,696
COULD YOU GUYS GIVE ME A SECOND?
I NEED TO PAY MY CAB DRIVER.
374
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:17,104
DO I LOOK LIKE A CAB
DRIVER? TAKE ME HOME.
375
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:20,140
TAKE YOU HOME? WHAT... WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO GO NOW FOR?
376
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:23,210
WE JUST GOT HERE. I'M NOT
GONNA LET YOU EMBARRASS ME
377
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,179
IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS.
HOW CAN I EMBARRASS YOU, RUBY?
378
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,181
I'M THE SECOND-COOLEST DAD
GOING.
379
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:31,484
COME ON, LET'S DANCE.
WOW!
380
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,453
START TALKING.
381
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,455
DO I HAVE TO?
382
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,725
UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE
HANDCUFFED TO ME AT THE PROM,
383
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,693
START TALKING.
384
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,299
OH, COME ON, RUBY,
YOU'RE A GOOD KID.
385
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,336
I-I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE THIS ALL OF A SUDDEN.
386
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,139
BECAUSE LATELY,
MOM WON'T LET ME DO ANYTHING,
387
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,707
AND I'M NOT
A LITTLE KID ANYMORE.
388
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,709
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
389
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,678
YOU LIE LIKE AN ADULT,
390
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:01,648
AND YOU BLACKMAIL
LIKE THE RUSSIAN MOB.
391
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,617
I WASN'T TOTALLY
MAKING IT UP.
392
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,853
YOU ARE KIND OF
THE COOL ONE.
393
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,689
I JUST MEAN
I CAN TALK TO YOU.
394
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,692
AND THAT'S THE KIND OF REWARD
I GET FOR BEING COOL,
395
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,694
YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME?
396
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,696
I KNOW. I SHOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THAT.
397
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,698
(sighs)
BUT IT WAS SO EASY.
398
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,134
OH.
399
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,436
WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S MY FAULT, TOO.
400
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,439
I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T HAVE LIED
TO YOUR MOTHER FOR YOU.
401
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,176
I KNOW. I MEAN, IT'S
WRONG, IT DOESN'T HELP,
402
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,612
AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA
LEARN TO LIE FOR YOURSELF?
403
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,314
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
404
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,649
YOU WANT MY ADVICE?
405
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,252
LEAVE ME
THE HELL OUT OF IT.
406
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,221
I MEAN, COME ON, FACE IT.
407
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:44,224
I-I GOTTA TAKE YOUR MOM'S SIDE
ON THESE THINGS, RUBY.
408
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,825
WHY?
409
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,361
WELL, WE'RE A TEAM,
AND WHEN YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE,
410
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,930
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TAKE HALF MY STUFF.
411
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,365
GREAT.
412
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,302
BE PREPARED FOR A LOT
OF SCREAMING THEN.
413
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:58,305
RUBY,
414
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,308
IF THINGS GET BAD,
415
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,343
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
416
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,878
I MEAN, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
OR HELP YOU,
417
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:10,183
BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
418
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,585
I'M NEVER GONNA FIGHT
WITH MY DAUGHTER.
419
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,187
RIGHT.
420
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,589
WAIT UNTIL SHE TAKES YOUR CAR
WITHOUT PERMISSION
421
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,591
AND CRASHES
INTO YOUR OTHER CAR.
422
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:21,194
ALL I'M HEARING
IS I'VE GOT TWO CARS.
423
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:23,230
(chuckles)
424
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:29,736
HONEY, YOU JUST GOTTA
GIVE IT SOME TIME.
425
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,739
TRUST ME.
426
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,408
YOU AND YOUR MOM
WILL WORK THINGS OUT.
427
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,410
THANKS, DAD.
428
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,379
YOU ARE COOL.
429
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,414
MM, YEAH.
430
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,652
(tires squealing, crash)
431
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,654
OH, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
432
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,257
OH, MY GOD.
YOU HIT MOM'S CAR.
433
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,658
OH, CRAP!
CRAP!
434
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,293
CRAP.
CRAP.
435
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,598
HEY, BACK FROM
THE LIBRARY ALREADY?
436
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,772
MOM, WE NEED TO TALK.
437
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,275
OKAY.
438
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,810
THE THING IS,
WE KIND...
439
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,246
UH, RUBY,
LET ME HANDLE THIS.
440
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,782
WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS,
HIT THE SACK?
441
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,918
YOU SURE?
YEAH.
442
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,358
AW.
443
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,863
WOW, THAT WAS UNEXPECTED.
444
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,300
YOU KNOW, CHERYL, MAYBE
I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH,
445
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,935
BUT YOU'RE A GOOD MOTHER.
446
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,673
THAT'S EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED.
447
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,675
YOU KNOW, CHERYL...
448
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,677
(sighs)
449
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,314
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR CAR.
450
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:54,321
I AM, UH, JUST TIRED
OF HIDING THE TRUTH.
451
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,925
WELL, JIM, I AM VERY HAPPY
TO HEAR THAT.
452
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,860
I DIDN'T HIT IT.
453
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,999
ANDY DID...
454
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,001
BOTH TIMES.
455
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:12,004
WAIT, WHAT... WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BOTH TIMES? WELL, AGAIN TONIGHT.
456
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,806
NO WAY!
YES!
457
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,609
OH, MY GOD... AND... AND TO THINK
I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM
458
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,611
WHEN HE ALMOST GOT
RUN OVER AT THE MALL.
459
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,047
HE MAKES THOSE STORIES UP.
NO!
460
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:28,054
I THINK HE'S ON DRUGS.
OH, MY GOD.
32363
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