All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S05E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

various modes of transport,
and a complete cringe-fest.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real.

Although some of what they
do has been set up purely

for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is
Essex.

- I've got me sketchbook
upstairs and me pencils ready.

- I feel like one of them pigs
in blankets

that you eat at Christmas.

[laughing]

- I'm not as confident as
what people think I am.

And I'm unhappy about my weight,

I'm feeling panicky all the
time.

[groans]

- Oh my God!

I can't believe it.

- I'm giving you the opportunity
for us to go out again.

But if you don't wanna do that

I'm just saying there's a good
chance you might regret it.

- You're really embarrassing
yourself.

- See you later.

- Up your arrogant arse hole.

Oh God.

[upbeat band music]

[thumping electronic music]

- Are you feeling hot now?

[exhales]

Lauren, you're going blue.

- God.

- It's making me feel sick.

- Okay, concentrate.

Meditate.

Lauren, leave your boobs alone.

Hands here.

Don't worry about your cleavage.

This is yoga.

- Okay.

- Yoga means union, we all work
together.

Okay?

Okay, right now going
down to the floor, OK?

So you go down,

okay, like lay down on
your front, like this.

- I can't lay on my front.

- Why?

- 'Cause my boobies hurt.

- You'll be fine.

Grab your feet from the outside.

[laughing]

Inhale, breathing and kick your
legs up.

And look up.

[talking over each other]

Look back, going, keep going.

- [Sam] He looked good, didn't
he, Arch?

- I can't believe it, he
looked so well without it.

Like he's finally lost like the
bow tie.

- And that like bulge over his
belt.

- Yeah.

Now he can probably see
his willy over his belly.

- If he's trying to win Lydia
back,

it's gonna take more than that.

I personally think.

- I mean, it might have kinda
helped.

'Cause it might made her think,
yeah,

oh, he's not like, so much of a
slob

and like, he's sorted himself
out,

which is attractive.

- Gem, oh my God, I
haven't seen you in ages.

How are you?
- You all right? [mwah]

You all right?
[mwah]

- [Sam] You've got so much to
tell us.

- [sighs] OMFG, you're
not gonna believe it.

This is how Charlie King
interprets me.

Now is this good or is this bad?

- [Billie] It's scribbling.

- What is that?

- [Gemma] He obviously
thinks I've got saggy tits.

- Do you reckon he maybe
done it to get like--

- No.

- Maybe he done it to
see you naked, to like--

- I dunno.

I said to him after he painted
me

what happens now?

Do I stay, do I go?

I stayed the night, but nothing
happened.

Like all he basically did was
spoon me.

And then I felt like in the
morning,

'cause I had to leave early
'cause I had to go to work,

I felt like a poke in the back,
like--

- Really, I was gonna say--

- [Sam] Yeah, the poke in the
back.

- Did you feel?

- So I do know, I can
confirm he can get a boner.

But I didn't know whether to
touch it,

whether to like scream, jump out
the bed.

- What did you wanna do?

- Well, you get the poke in the
back

and then it just flows, doesn't
it?

[laughing]

But, you know, it was just
awkward.

And I just went over and I said,

like turnt round and said,

oh, Charlie, I've gotta go to
work now,

and he just went,

have a good day, babe, I'll ring
ya later.

- No.

- I'll just see it out for
a couple of more weeks.

If we don't consume this
relationship

then I better start consuming
it with someone else.

[ominous dramatic music]

- I just feel like I'm not even
real.

- Everything's in 3D, innit?

- Mate, I'm so 3D, man.

- It's weird, innit, how it
works?

- If you had these glasses on

and you looked at a girls boobs,

you reckon they'd be like--

- [Both] Bigger?

- Well, if it worked the other
way around,

we'll just get all the
girls to put them on

and maybe our [whistles] will
look bigger.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh man.

- Mate.

But I can't wait, tonight's
gonna be brilliant mate,

trust me.

It's the second relaunch of Reem
parties,

I reckon it's gonna be massive.

It's gonna be every
single Reem girl there.

Girls left, right and.

- Centre.

- I think Sam will be going.

I think all the girls will be
going, yeah.

I will go up to her and talk
to her, I'll just say to her--

- Just go with the flow, mate.

- What about Lauren Pope?

What are you going to say to
Lauren Pope?

Are you gonna tell her
that you're the new hunk?

- I don't necessarily fancy her
either,

I said that she was good
lookin',

I think Lauren Goodger looked
fit

the other night as well, I
thought.

- You thought Lauren Goodger
looked fit?

- Yeah.

- Who'd you fancy more?

Lauren Goodger or Lauren Pope?

- Dunno, it's hard, they're
different.

They're well different.

- And the last bit now class,

turn around, lay down on your
back.

Put your hands up towards the
ceiling.

It's called Savasana, it's dead
body pose.

Take a deep inhale.

Exhale.

[exhaling]

Exhale.

[exhaling]

Girls, you've done really well,

that's the end of the class.

Oh, all come up to sit up.

Georgina, you alive?

- Oh my God.
[laughing]

- I was so comfy!

You's done really well,
actually.

Pretty soon I'm gonna
have a flat tummy or.

Or I'd like see--

- [Lauren] Oh, I really enjoyed
it.

- So Lauren, knowing that you've
burned a thousand calories

in class must make you wanna
come more.

- Definitely.
- Is that how much it is?

A thousand calories?

That's like so much.

- Vikram's my guru.

- What's a guru?

- Oh God.
- Yeah,

Vikram's a man.

- What?
- A Chinese man?

- No, he's not Chinese, he's
Indian.

Vikram's actually a man
and he created yoga.

He teaches my classes and he
teaches you how to teach it.

- Is that the only way
you can become a teacher,

by having Mr. Vikram teach you?

- Yeah, Vikram certifies me,

so I had to go Eli.

To go by train then,

and then he certifies me to
teach.

But I really wanna have
my own studio, I've been--

- Yeah, you should, Bill.

- I feel really like refreshed
and--

- I feel really girly.

[thumping rock music]

[clinking]

- I just said to her, I
would be really honoured

if you let me draw ya.

[laughing]

And then I might, so I wanted to
try

and get a bit more like
comfortable, basically sex.

- What?
- No.

- What do you mean sex?

- [Ricky] What about sex?

- We haven't done it.

- [Ricky] You haven't?

- No.

- How long you bin with her?

- Mm, just under two months.

- Surprised you ain't routed her
out yet.

- I dunno, it's just not
happening at the moment

and I'm trying to build
this thing where we,

we get a bit more like
comfortable with each other,

because it hasn't happened
just like naturally,

so, I was really surprised she
actually

went ahead and did it.

So now I feel like we've
made like progress,

within the relationship, you
know?

I actually think that you don't

have to put the pressure on it,
you know,

at the end of the day what's
a right hand for, you know?

I can sort myself out
rightly, you know what I mean?

[laughing]

Yeah, I am left handed actually!
[laughs]

- [Man] Aww!

- Well, I actually think
he thinks he's James Bond.

He's lost a bit of weight
and that's been it.

Like, big deal.

You know what I mean?

- [Bobby] Shall we take a seat?

My bags are so heavy.
Yeah.

- Oh, it's so cold.

[groans]

- Yeah, I just can't
believe men at the moment.

- Just like, I'm not being
funny,

I know like Mario has a
different sense of humour

to my scream hole, but I
just didn't wanna amuse him.

I said to him after,
why would bid on Cara?

I was so angry and he was just
like, do you know what, even?

I would've just got us,

so I should do the day's work,

cleaning out cars, let's talk to
Bentley.

You know, and you're
like, it's not the point?

It's not funny.

- At least make fun anyway, I
don't know.

- Do you reckon Mick and
Cara will go tonight?

- [Bobby] Are you going?

- I don't know.

I kind of, I kinda wanna go,

but after like, James's
comments the other night,

I feel I don't wanna go
in there and see him,

'cause he's just gonna
re-agitate me.

- If you see him just a
little bit, all right.

- You know what?

You've gotten more and
more sexy as well, Lyd.

I'm loving it, oh, you
hair's comin' off ya,

your skirt's comin' off ya.

- [Lydia] Get him!

- Yeah?

- I've been newly single on the
market,

you've gotta like make the
best of your assets, innt ya?

- [Bobby] This is it,

it's all in the wrapping, isn't
it?

You know what I mean?
- It's all in the wrapping.

- You don't sell a house
with a smashed up front door

and a broken garden--
[laughing]

Ya gotta look good to sell it,

do you know what I mean?

- That is so true, though!

Unless they're willing, then.

- You are actually selling it
well.

- Yeah, I've my fresh lick of
tan.

- You've got one lick of tan

whereas I normally do
about 12, but that's fine.

You know what I mean?

We're gettin' it.
- Gettin' it, crushing it.

- We'll an orange out of you
yet.

[laughing]

- Aw, no.

- I'm loving the new hair.

Got a little bit--

- It's a bit Brigitte Bardot,
isn't it?

Don't you think?

- I don't know who she is.
- Who that is.

[laughing]

- I have got my eye on Frankie,
actually, believe it or not.

See, if I approach Frankie,
yeah,

I'm scared that literally my
date

will go so horrendous with her,

she was literally be like,

after that, no one in
Essex will go near me.

I'll have to move to Suffolk or
somewhere.

- You need to listen.

I've already struggled with
girls before.

- No.
- With older girls, of course.

- I don't struggle.
[laughing]

What I tend to do is
overcomplicate things.

Thing is, I'll sit down
in my head differently

to what it actually pans out,
you know?

Everyone's been on a date where
it's gone complete tits up.

- No, no.

[laughs]

- [Little Chris] Just me again?

- Just you. [laughs]

[thumping rock music]

- I didn't even hear
you slipping in there!

- What's happening, mate?
[car beeps]

You all right?

- Yeah, good, you?

Yeah, good, mate.

- Got my rays on, aren't I?

But it's raining.
[claps]

- Looking cool, mate, looking
cool.

- New range?

- What was that?

That was a new handshake?

How did it go?

- Like that, right.

- Aw fuck, not another.
[laughing]

- [Joey] Lemons.

What's that range you've got
there?

- Yeah, new range.

- New range, navy blue as well,

so you're splashing your cash,
Mick!

You got it in ya.
- You gotta splash the cash

a little bit.
- It's gotta be done, mate.

- And you're even taking
Cara on a date soon as well.

- Yeah, that cost me a few quid
didn't it?

[laughing]

I'm a bit nervous really about
that.

- [Joey] Are ya?

- Yeah, not knowing
what I'm gonna be doing.

- You fancy her, honestly?

- Oh, she's alright.

- [laughs] You do fancy her,
don't ya?

- No!

- You do! [laughing]

- Nah, I'm not like that, Joey,
you know.

- You do, you do.

- So yeah, so we're gonna get
everything

all jived up again with
the old Reem party.

- Yeah, I think we should, yeah.

- I've got this other
idea that I was thinking,

I'm gonna get this motor
and I want you to use it

as a pulling tool.
- A car?

- See if you can get the people

'cause there's all the other
bars and clubs in there.

- What motor?

- It's like, like a promotional
thing, like a promotional.

Wait there a second, don't
move, wait right there.

You'll like this.

[engine humming]

- What the hell?

[laughs] What is this?

What the hell is that?

- [Mick] What do you reckon,
Joey?

- [laughs] What is that?
[horn honking]

- This is a TukTuk.

- Whose is that?

- It's yours!

I got it for you!

- What the what?

- Don't you think it's a
pulling thing for the girls?

You're out in the high street?

- How much you pay for that?

- Well it's a lot of money,
I imported 'em from Thailand.

'Cause you know all about
the Sugar Hut theme,

it's the Thai thing, isn't it?

Oh, our theme's Thai.

- So I've gotta drive that?

- Yeah, I've had it all
polished up for you,

don't you like it?

- No, no, it's all right.

- They're just like little
plodders aren't they?

They're just running people
around.

- It's got no seat
belt, it's got no doors.

- Well, you hang on to the
handlebars,

so you ain't gonna be going
fast,

so don't worry about that.

- [Joey] What if it rains?

- It's got a cover on it.

- Yeah but it ain't got window
wipers.

- You can wipe it with
your hand at the front.

Get in there, come on, have a
look,

see what you reckon.

- Oh my God.
[laughing]

I don't know how to do it.

- Check your mirrors.

Mirrors, signal, manoeuvre,

do you remember all that?

- Check mirrors!

- [Mick] No not your hair,

check there's no one coming
behind ya before you pull off!

- What am I doing?

- Imagine that when you get
a couple of birds in there,

you'll be sorted.
- Got it sorted!

- I think the engine's
underneath
it, is it underneath it?

Whoa, where you going?

[laughing] Come back, come back!

- [Joey] Oi, stop it!

- [laughing] Put your foot on
the pedal!

- [Joey] Oi, it's not stopping!

[funky dance music]

- Oh, we'll be running all the
time.

Hold tight!

[sighs]

- That's tough, man.

- [Ricardo] What's the matter,
mate?

You're looking sluggish.

- I think it's 'cause
I'm a few drinks light.

I've been out a few
times recently, inn' I?

- You shouldn't be doing that
while you're training, mate.

- Look, I haven't been
going out boozing a lot,

but obviously, you know,
it was the marathon party.

- Was Lyds there?

- She was looking absolutely
so sexy, you wouldn't believe.

- What, not like usual Lydia?

Like, a bit pale and?

- [laughing] What you mean a bit
pale?

- Well, let's face it, she
looked like

she hadn't had a sunburn
for like eight years.

She's just been in the arctic,

just like hibernating, isn't
she?

But right now, we're
concentrating on the marathon.

How far have you actually run?

- I reckon I've done about 10
miles.

- So you've got roughly
another 16 to cover

before you can actually
complete the marathon.

It's gonna be hard, mate.

You'll literally be crawling
across that finish line.

- I thought when they, you
know, when people said about,

you know, your nipples
bleeding and being sore,

I thought it was just like a
myth.

Sometimes in my runs I'm
literally I'm just like this,

it's just so sore.

- They're some big nipples
to hurt and all, isn't they?

- Well the thing is, my
moobs have gone down,

like definitely, you can tell,
can't ya?

- Well, I don't know from here,

but I'll take your word for it.

- Yeah, but my nipples
have stayed the same size.

- If you wanted, mate,
you could always wear this

for the marathon, you know.

You won't chafe in it,

it's got a good little
padded bit for your bum.

And your big fat arse it'll
fit right in it, mate.

'Cause you've been blessed
with a huge penis haven't you?

[laughing]

- Whenever we're on a night
out, you have a few drinks

and you always get it out
as your little party trick.

But you don't need to show
it when we're going for runs,

there's old ladies walking
their dogs and things like--

- Listen, listen, I wear this,
okay?

So you don't feel so bad wearing
that.

I know I look bad, you
think you look good!

[laughing]

[thumping rock music]
[laughing]

- Great.

Is that literally your lunch?

- That is my lunch.

- No way.
- Yeah.

- Does that even fill you up?

- It's mostly full nutrients and
stuff,

so, oh Steph, oh my goodness,

if I need it, it's in here.

So it's not like I'm lacking
anything.

And I've actually got a lot of
energy.

This week, I've lost four
pounds,

an inch off of my waist,

and then hopefully this week,

my aim's to lose seven pounds.

- Yeah, you just got off a nine
manner--

- We can try it!

But 'cause I'm like, I'm really
on it,

I'm just like, so I woke every
day,

I'm looking at my stomach,
and I'm like, ooh!

- I need to get down to the gym
badly,

get a trainer, do something.

- Well, this morning, we and
Frankie were at Vikram yoga.

- [Lauren] Did ya?

Oh my God, is it hardcore?

- So it hurts.

- What is it?
- Sweat you down.

- Sweating down.

- Yeah, that's why my hair's
like this.

- Sounds good.

If you wanna get hot and sweaty
and shit.

- I don't like getting sweaty.

- That means you gotta go
straight to hairdresser's,

have a new spray tan, new
eyelashes,

'cause they would've
like totally slipped off

and a whole new face of makeup
after you've been there.

- Yeah, but--
- Just dunno.

- What's about Joey's Reem night
tonight?

- Oh, I'm DJ!

- Ah!
- Are you Djing?

[talking over each other]

- Jeremy's best mate will be
there, Todd,

will we get him to sing?

- Can he sing?
- I know,

he just keeps saying he can
sing.

- He's a really nice boy.

I hear he's got the hots for
Lauren Pope.

- Obviously.

[laughing]

Yeah, but he's good
looking, but he's young.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- That's what it means,
I don't think it matters,

if they're that young--
- He's got a nice car.

- What's he car he's got?

[laughing]

- What car, yeah?

- It's older than Joey.

- I only buy like, what year?

- She'll be a cougar then.

- I do like my young men.

- What's a cougar?

- It's like a older
woman and a younger guy.

- That's like a toy boy.

- Kind of like that One
Direction boy

that was having a cougar.

[intense rock music]

- Hello.
- Hi, all right.

- Hi there, mate, you all right?

Bit nervous here.

- Are ya?
- Yeah.

- Oh, there's nothing to worry
about.

- Neither of us have done it
before.

- No?
- No.

- You have to wear a crash
helmet.

- Oh, I'm fuming about that.

As long as I get the
white one, I don't mind.

- That will go, the white one
will look cool, babe, yeah.

It suits ya!

- Does it?

- Yeah, it looks really good.

- Let me just see myself.

- Goes with the outfit.
- Yeah.

- Right, simple machine.

You just step on in the
middle of each pad, both feet.

You literally, you lean forward
on your toes, go forward,

you lean back on your heels, you
stop.

- So basically like the
more you go forward,

the faster you go?

- Yeah.

- Oh.
- That's it.

- Look at that, it's natural.
- Okay then?

- Okay, why is it moving?

Uh oh.
[laughing]

- Try to steer him
towards me and stay still.

- You look all stiff.

Don't look at me now, all right?

Oh hey, whoa, whoa! [laughing]

Hold on, why am I going
backwards? [laughing]

Did you see that?
- Ahh! [laughing]

- All right.

Look at us, like a couple of
pensioners!

I gotta get used to this.

Come back!

Oh God, I'm not liking this!

Easy!

- I've never seen you move so
fast, Mick!

- [laughing] Thanks.

[funky dance music]

- [Mick] I might as well
be on this date on me own

because I can't hear you
talking!

- He maybe thinks that
if he changes his image

in a way--
- Yeah.

- That you're gonna
maybe come back to him.

- Yeah, well I think
that's what he thought.

For a minute, I was like,
I felt really sorry,

and I was just like, oh my God,

like he's done this all for me,
I see him.

And then I thought, no,

you haven't done this for me!

You cheated on me,

you treated me like crap.

Don't try and tell me that
you've like done this all for
me.

It just really infuriated
me how he's so arrogant

and so cocksure that
he's gonna get me back.

- Watching you sort of blossom,

you're getting your own flat,

wearin' what you want,

you're havin' a good time,

you're smiling more, you're
laughing more.

I mean, you're having more
fun, you're happier now.

- I'm enjoying too much,
and seeing it too much

to ever wanna go back to that
place again.

Like, done with him.

Anyway now, what's going
on with you and Jess?

- She makes me smile.

Just, I mean, I mean I
just like start smiling

for no reason.

- That's cute, though.

- So I know that, but well,
we ain't been out that much.

I can't really say that there's
a spark.

If it works out, it works out,

if it don't, then no hard
feelings, we're still mates,

do you know what I mean?

But to be fair, I've been
getting--

- What?

- [laughs] Oh, I dunno.

I've been getting texts from
someone else.

- Shut up.

Who?
- Yeah.

- Tell me.

Someone I know?

- I can't tell ya that.

- Why?
- I can't tell ya.

- Tell me.
- So, so, I can't.

- Oh, come on, Rick.

I've just poured my heart out.

- I can't tell you.

- Why, why can't you tell?

Do I know them?

- Yeah! [laughs]

- Okay, lemme read.
- Okay.

Listen, there's loads of 'em,
so, just read the last one.

[laughs]

- Oh my God. [gasps]

- I dunno, obviously, at home,
when I get these messages,

I look at 'em and I
think, nah, she's joking.

- Oh my God, that one's quite
dirty!

- Read the last one, all right?

- I'm always up for being a
bit wild if you are! [laughs]

- And I'm thinking she
must be winding me up.

- Oh Rick, this is some juicy
stuff.

- I'm not instigating anything,

I am getting received the texts,

I'm not sending any.

- You're the receiver, not the
giver?

[laughing]

- Yeah, something like that.

[warm intense music]

- [Charlie] Look, the
outfit, we lookin' Reem?

- Yeah, I like it,

but I think we should do the
buttons up on the jacket.

- Should I in or sort of tucked
out?

- In, blazer done up,
right, looking sharp.

- Sharp, sharp and fresh, all
right, cool.

- Now I like how Ricky
looks, so it's time,

when Ricky's casual, he looks
sharp.

- Right, I'm learning, I'm
liking it,

I feel I look good in it.

- What would you have normally
worn to a Reem party, then?

Talk me through it.

- Well, I would never
have gone to a Reem party.

I don't even know what a Reem
party is,

if I'm honest, babe!

- It's about going there, being
Reem,

looking Reem, smelling Reem,
do you know what I mean?

That's what it's all about.

- Right, I've never seen
you in white before.

- Just 'cause I'm like, over a
size 10,

it don't mean you can't wear
white.

- I love you in white.
- Do ya?

- Yeah, I do.

- It's virginal.
- It's nice.

- I'm like a virgin at the
minute though.

- Is that what you feel like?

- Yeah, six weeks into our
relationship, we've not--

- Done it, yeah, all that.

- So, do you think we're
gonna do it tonight?

- I dunno.

I was talking to the boys about
it

and actually their opinion
on is it like mine.

You don't have to have sex

at any given time of a
relationship.

If you don't do it straightaway,
there's more chance

of the relationship
being like of longevity.

- Who said that?

- [Charlie] Ricky, yeah.

- Sex makes you a couple.

At the minute we're seeing each
other,

we're like a bit friends.

You know, I stayed at your
house the other night,

we spooned, you did get a boner

so I definitely know you're not
gay.

[laughs]

But the boner was poking me in
the back.

You know, you gotta start
poking it in the front, Charlie.

You know, I've not seen it yet,

you could have something wrong
with it,

I don't know!

In Essex, you know what it's
like,

everyone puts it about and--

- Yeah, but I ain't
your average Essex boy,

and I'm gonna stick to my roots
with that.

Lets just have some fun like

while we're getting to know
one another, do you not think?

- Okay.

- You've gotta be a
little bit patient with me

because actually--

- I'll be patient with you,
Charlie,

but I'll be honest with you.

You know, it's just random
behaviour.

It's bizarre to me.

You know a man wants to
touch you, wants to feel you,

wants to slap your arse, you
tell me you like my eyes,

but you've not said I like
your tits, I like your arse,

I wanna touch your nun.

- Right.

[crowd cheering]

- Hello, Joe!
- Now that

is what you call an entrance!

Now who wants to party?

[crowd cheering]

Let's do it, yo!

[popping]

[crowd cheering]

Whoa, let's do it!

Whoo!

[electronic dance music]

- Cheers, mate.

To be fair to Joey,

he's absolutely smashed it yet
again.

- And he just does it.
- I mean,

he's always got, you know,
the best looking girls,

best looking boys, like, a nice
crowd.

- He just smashes.
- He does, mate,

he really does.

All right, Lyds?

- Can I have a white wine
please, in a rose bag?

Thank you.

That is much as he's gettin'
tonight.

- Fantastic, babe.

Thanks, babe.
- Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Come on.

- Let's go and have a dance.

- [Frankie] How good is Lauren's
DJing?

- She's top disc jockey.

- What?

- Disc jockey, that's what DJ
means.

- Why do it mean that?

- [laughs] I dunno, but
that's what it means.

- [laughing] I don't get it.

- [Chloe] Disc jockey.

- A jockey's someone who rides a
horse.

- Yeah, but she's like disc is a
CD

and jockey is a person that
changes it.

See, learn something every day.

- Oh, yeah, now I get it, disc
jockey.

- [Chloe] Yeah.

- If it was my night,

I think I'd have gone
for a little bit better.

- I've have had less clothing as
well.

I would probably had body paint.

- [Little Chris] Nipple tassels?

- You know like the body paint
bikinis.

Right, it looks like they've got
one on,

but you can still see
like the nipples and that.

[laughing]

- I don't feel comfortable
wearing glasses in a night club,

but Joey said it's Reem
party, so you gotta.

- You gotta dress Reem, mate.

- Plus mine cost me 650 quid,

so you ain't got no chance
of me takin' 'em off.

[laughing]

- At least you're not dressed
like you're going to a wedding

like those boys over there.

- [Joey] That's what I'm sayin',
yeah.

- [Arg] Now apparently
they call themselves

two and a half men.

- Why's that?

- 'Cause like, Little Chris
is very short inn' he?

[laughing]

- Word on the street, though,
is--

- What?

- He fancies your sister, mate.

- [Joey] Who we talkin' about?

- [Tom] Little Chris.

- Good luck to him, son.

- Hello.

- Hello, you look nice.

- Thank you.

- You're meant to say you look
nice too,

but no, it's alright.

- No, you look lovely all of
you, you look really smart.

- Oh, you look stunning.

- Yeah, thanks.

You all right, Rick?

- Yeah, I'm all right, you all
right?

- He probably fancies her don't
he?

- He fancies everything, he
fancies everyone, you know?

It always reminds me, it
reminds, like,

sayin' like we at a massive
queue,

there's all girls goin Joey,
Joey!

Trying to get with me, yeah?
[laughing]

And they're gettin' with me

and then Ricky's behind
goin, can I have her as well?

As if Sam's gonna get with Ricky
Raymont

when she's been with Joey
Essex, you know what I mean?

- What about you?

- What about me?

- [Diags] Who you feeling?

- [Arg] Yeah, who you on at the
moment?

- You love them Laurens, don't
you, son?

- I'm hearing the name Laurens.

- Lauren.

- [Guys] Lauren who?

- Lauren who?

That's the question.

- What, you think Lauren
Goodger's good lookin'

and Lauren Pope's good lookin'?

- Yeah.

- See, the tongue comes out.

- Are we talkin' about salty
potatoes?

- Ooh.

- Ooh, oh.

- So mysterious, boys!

[thumping dance music]

- I saw you come over here.
- Take a look at it!

- Hello, what?
- Hi!

- Is everything all right?

- Yes, I'm fine.

- How's your date?

- Aww, it was really nice,
had such a lovely date.

But I just think like the age
difference

is just too much for me and he
just makes me not fancy him.

- How did it end?

- Just said like, he
said, gonna come tonight?

I said, yeah, I'm coming.

And that was it, really.

- Why don't you go and
be drawn by Charlie?

- I'm up for that, Charlie!

- I will draw you if Gemma
can cook us some dinner.

- We should do that
before we go and see J-Lo.

- I'm so up for that Bob,
it's gonna be awesome.

Also Michael Jackson's doing
the Immortal World Tour.

- He's dead, you fool.

- They're bringing out like
this tribute concert for him,

so I think like--
- I like MJ, yeah--

- I love Michael Jackson.

- [Bobby] Let's do that as well!

- This party is so much better
than LA.

- Is it, you think?

- Yeah.
- Aw.

- I'd never live in LA, I love
Essex.

- Yeah, Essex is
definitely the place to be.

- All right, Joe.
- Hello.

[mwah]

- See, just to move your mouth.

- Thanks.
[mwah]

- Hello Sam, what?

What's goin' on?

- [Billi] Shall we go toilet?

- Yeah, see you in a bit.

- See you in a bit.

- How've you been anyway?
- Been all right, you?

- [Sam] I haven't seen you in a
while.

I thought you was ignoring
me the other night.

- Nah, that's what I
was about to say to you,

you was ignoring me.

- What?

No, I was not.

- You didn't talk to me the
whole night,

you was talking to another boy.

- I been meaning to speak to you
actually

about a while ago when we
had a little snog. [laughs]

- Yeah, do you like that snog?

- Yeah, course I do.

Like, I'm not gonna lie, I do
fancy you,

blah blah, we're young,
do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, yeah.

- But I feel like though,
it's made like a massive deal.

Like I've not had a problem
with your sister one bit,

Now, I know Frankie.

And when we was going
out we got on so well,

but like everyone keeps going,

oh yeah, that apparently
I only snogged you

that night because apparently
you've got a swimming pool.

- What so who's saying that,
Frankie?

- Yeah, come on.

- Yeah, you do wanna get
in it though, don't you?

[laughing]

- He don't care, he's got so
many girls flying after him.

- Only 'cause it's Sam, I
feel a bit like don't do that.

- Don't upset my brother.

- And not again, like,
she's upset him once like

when they split up, he was
upset,

and I felt, don't come back into
his life

and then drop him out again.

- No.

- You're so cute.
[laughing]

Chloe and Frankie.

- Yeah, but I don't have a
problem,

I don't know why there is a
problem,

because you know for a fact

that I wasn't leading you on.

- You wanna kiss and make up?

- Yep.

- Told you they was gonna kiss.

- So, when you gonna come round
my flat?

- Round your flat?
- Yeah.

- What's going on round your
flat?

- Dunno, come in the swimming
pool

for five minutes if you want?

- [laughs] No, definitely not.

[thumping dance music]

- Where the hell are
all the fit single men?

- Hello, girls.

- Hello!
- Hi, you all right?

You okay?
- Hello. [smooch]

- Yeah, yous are looking nice
tonight.

- [Both Laurens] Aw, thank you.

- Joey's done all right, inn'
he?

- What do you mean?

- Reem parties.

- Oh yeah, he looks good at it.

[laughing]

- What did you think she meant?

What with choices of flatmate?

[laughing]

How is it living with him?

- It's nuts.

- Is he really uptight?

I hear he's really uptight and
he's got like loads of rules.

- Yeah, it's a nice flat,
though,
so you can understand why,

but it's like he's so over
the top about everything

in the moment, you can't
actually do anything, yeah.

- Does he get aggy?

- He gets well aggy.

And he ain't give me a key or
anything.

- [Both Laurens] What?

- He hasn't given me a key yet,

we have to go out at the same
time.

- Oh no, shut up.

- So you basically have to
live your life around Joey.

- [Tom] At the moment, yeah.

- So you've got like a
swimming pool, right?

- And it's indoors, it's
amazing, I've seen it, though.

- You gotta come round and see
it.

- So how old are you?

- How old do you reckon I am?

- You went to school with Joey,
right?

- [Tom] Yep.

- So you gotta be like 21, 22.

- Yeah, I'm the same age as
Joey.

So you guys got your
eye on anyone tonight?

- We haven't really had a
good look round yet have we?

- No.

- What about me?

[laughing]

- You are the biggest,
dirtiest little flirt going!

- [Bobby] You are the boy about
town.

- [Gemma] It's a laugh though,
Rick.

It's a laugh!

You're not in a serious
relationship with anyone.

- Listen, there's a
difference between flirting

and actually going through with
something.

- [Gemma] Yeah there is.

- That is what it's all about.

- Until you're proper
boyfriend and girlfriend,

I think people just gotta
go out and enjoy themselves.

- And that's the beauty about
Essex,

we all like to dress up, we
all like to have a laugh,

flirt and a bit of banter.

- Too many people round here
take themselves too seriously.

- I'd rather be all
sweaty on the dance floor

than sittin' here.

- Havin' it, Rick, havin' it.

[thumping dance music]

I love this song!

- This is a tune, I love this
song.

- Go on, give us a dance!

- [Charlie] Shall we have a
dance?

- Shall we go then?

Come off outside, mate.

- Off you go.

- [Billy] Excuse us.

[thumping dance music]

[laughing]

- [Ricky] You goin', bitch!

[cheering]

[cheering]

- [Man] Go, Charlie!

- That's fucking embarrassing.

- I swear it'll never
get more embarrassing.

[thumping dance music]

- He's actually enjoying
prancing around.

- That's stressing me out.
[laughing]

- I like getting spiritual and
all that,

but at the end of the day
that's takin' it a bit far.

[cheering]

- Ahh, my boy!

- My boy!
[laughing]

- I saw you talkin' to Sam
earlier.

I think she thinks I've
got a problem with her,

like yous two had a kiss or
whatever.

- Yeah, but it wasn't nothing
like that.

It's got blown out of
proportion,

basically what happened was--

- I'm allowed, as your
sister to, I'm allowed--

- Yeah course you are, yeah,
obviously, I'll do that.

- But I just don't want
someone who I thinks hurt yous

before to do that again to you.

I'm not being a bitch,
I'm just being big sister.

- Don't be scared, Chris, just
go for it.

- Do what you gotta do,
like, she'll made up, like,

I saw you earlier had a little
kiss

and make up whatever,
that's fine, that's it.

- Yeah, I know, I know,
but I want you to--

- Sorry, you all right babe?
[smooch]

- You all right, Joey, how you
doing?

- [Joey] Yeah, sweet, you all
right mate?

- Yeah, not too bad.
- Cool.

- Can I just have a word
with your sister for a bit?

- I'm just talking to her,

but you can talk to her in a
minute, yeah.

I just need to have a word
with her, is that cool?

- All right, sorry.

- But basically, if me and Sam
do date,

then you gonna be cool with it,
yeah?

- Yeah, no, it's fine,
seriously, you know?

So don't worry, all right?

- Sorry to disturb you again.

- Yeah, sweet, sweet, yeah,
sweet, she's--

- Aw, sorry about that,

we were just having a bit of a
moment.

You all right?

- Yeah, not too bad.

- You havin' a good night?

- Yeah, not too bad, yourself?

- Yeah, good.

- You're looking really pretty.

- Aw, thank you.

- I like what you've done with
your hair.

- I know, but you know what?

It's gone a bit on the wild side
now.

- I know this is really random

and I'm really bad at doing
this,

but do you fancy going out one
day,

doing something like random?

Like to get to know you
like strawberry picking

or like go feed the ducks?

- Go feed the ducks?

- Yeah.

- Dunno, what do you mean, like
on a date?

- Yeah, kind of.

Just like casual, something
casual.

Nothing like serious or
anything, just a bit of fun.

- To be fair, at the moment, not
really.

- Really?

Okay.
- Yeah, sorry.

- That's all right, don't worry.

Don't worry, have a nice night.

- Sorry, Chris. [mwah]

Have a nice night, see you
later.

[thumping dance music]

- [Little Chris] Shot down, shot
down.

Oh, I wanna go and jump off a
bridge.

- Shit.

[horns honking]

- [Narrator] Next time
on The Only Way Is Essex.

Will Charlie ever fulfil Gemma's
appetite?

- If we don't consume this
relationship,

then I better start consumin'
it with someone else.

- [Narrator] Will Little
Chris always come up short

in the dating game?

- Would you fancy goin' out one
day

and doin' something
like strawberry picking

or go feed the ducks?

- Not really.

- [Narrator] And will Ricky have
to find

a more competitive phone tariff?

- I've been gettin'
texts from someone else.

- Okay, lemme read.

- Okay. [laughing]

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real

and anything can happen
on The Only Way Is Essex.

[thumping dance music]

[bouncy band music]