All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S04E09.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

fisticuffs and the wisdom of
Ricky Martin.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real.

Although some of what they do,

has been set up purely
for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is
Essex.

- Nanny Brighton!

- [Nanny B] What are you doing?

- I've investigated
into elocution lessons.

- [Both] How, now, brown cow.

[women laughing]

- If you want to go out with
Tom, you go out with Tom.

We're never ever gonna fall out.

[upbeat music]

- I either want to know now,
you're either potentially

gonna crack on with Lydia.

- I'm with Cara.

That is that.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- Hi.

- Hello.

- [Chloe] How you feeling?

- All right, yeah.

- All right?

- You look really well.
- Yeah, you do.

- Still feel off my nut on all
the drugs.

- Oh I bet you do.

- [Lauren] How's the boobies
feel?

- They feel all right, like no
pain,

it's like only a little
bit sore at the sides.

- [Lauren G] Yeah.

- They're not massively bigger.

- Lauren can we have a little
sneak peak?

- You can kind of have a look
down there.

- Oh yeah, don't they look nice?

- They're so high up though
at first, aren't they?

They're under my chin.

- Yeah, they drop a little bit
after that.

They do look nice.

- Oh it makes me all
wheezy looking at them.

- Do you know whether the
nipple's

in the right place now?

- I don't know, I can't really,
I'm a bit scared to look.

- Yeah, don't look.

- Get them out another day.

[women laughing]

- So what have I been
missing then, gossip wise?

- Just getting ready for my
launch.

- Oh yeah.
- Yeah, I've got

that tonight so we've been
setting up.

- Nervous?

- Yeah, I am quite
nervous, but I'm excited

at the same time but I've had
a bit like oh Argent and Lydia

and who do I invite,
they're both my friends.

But it is a salon, and Lyd's
been there for me lately.

- [Lauren P] Yeah.

- So Lyd's coming but no dramas
please.

[laughing]

- There's bound to be some kind
of drama.

- Just have to get drunk.

- Do you like my attractive
socks?

- Yeah, so nice.
- They're hot.

- Is that for Dr. Mario?

[women laughing]

- Hi doctor.

[women laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Basically so me, Nanny
Brighton, Nanny Pat and Jess

we just thought we'd just go
out for a nice peaceful drink

and then Ricky turned up.

- He slid in.

- What do you mean?

- Well he sort of crept in.

- He crept in out of nowhere.

- Yeah, and he sort of
disappeared into the distance.

[people laughing]

- Nan, he just went round to
the other side of the pub.

- Oh did he, oh?

[laughing]

Well I did have a glass of wine
or two.

- Basically look, the gist of it
is

he says he's not interested
in Lydia, he's says he's not,

nothing's going on behind my
back.

He wants to call me a mate now.

But at the end of the day, you
know,

it's easy, you know saying it's
one thing,

and doing it is another.

- There's just something about
him, I don't know what it is.

They way he acts in
front of boys and girls.

He's a bit weird, isn't he?

- Apparently he's gone to
some bar the other day,

and some girl he was speaking
to recently or something,

he's gone up to her and said,

"Why are you getting with that
Joey boy?

"He's just a boy, you want a man
like me,

"how can you take him
serious?" and all this.

And started to proper
trying to mug me off,

like dig me out like I'm some
sort of mug.

- I don't think he quite
realises what he's doing.

It's like he's in a whole
different world.

- [Joey] Creep.

- [Arg] What Ricky?

- Just creep.

- It's just like this kid
don't care what anyone

thinks of him, it's like, I
don't know.

- You know what, it's
like he don't want mates.

- How would you feel, Daigs,

if you got a sister and your
sister brought back Ricky

to the house.

- My sister?
- Yeah.

- She's only six.

- All right, so if you had a
sister

who was the same age, or a
similar age,

how would you feel if she
brought Ricky to her house?

- And how would you
describe the way he looks

and what he's.

- If Ricky walked into our
house like he did with Tom,

like doin' that whole thing with
Tom,

like flirtin' and all that.

Get the fuck out my house, mate.

[people laughing]

I'm sorry, Nanny Brighton.

- Well, Arg ended up walking
over

and then.
- Oh did he?

- Yeah, Arg wanted to
have a chat with Ricky

and it sort of like

just took over.
- And ruined the night

for you two.

- It was really.

- D'ya like him, then?

- Well I didn't really get to
know him.

I feel like he's a bit of lose
cannon,

to be honest with you.

- [Tom] Yeah, what d'ya mean by
that?

- Well, like I sort of
was agreeing with Arg

and disagreeing with Ricky,
and I don't think liked it.

- Okay like being more one sided
to him.

- No, he started getting like a
little bit

like agitated with me.

- If there's any problem, if
there's a problem with you.

- No, there's no problem,
honestly.

We've been talking a little bit
since,

just like texts, a few
phone calls and stuff.

- Yeah, would you go out with
him again?

- Yeah, I think I would, but
I do think he's a lose cannon.

- I'm just there for you
d'ya know what I mean?

[upbeat music]

- Hello girls.

Hello girls, good morning.

- [Women] Hi.

- [Doctor] Hello.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, good thanks, you?

- Yeah, good.

Good to see you.

Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- How you feel?

- All right.

Pain's not too bad.

I just keep crying all the time.

- Oh, because you're happy?

- Happy tears.

Does the medicine make you
emotional?

- Yes, yes, yes.

So I went over the muscle
but the nipple now is lower

so that's a good thing.

- Brilliant.

- Yeah, and the shape is really
good.

I mean it's slightly more
projected

but you get a little bit
more volume, fullness

and cleavage, perfect

- [Lauren P] Sounds good.

- Just take it easy.

But I'm sure you've got plenty
of girls

that are looking after you,
yeah?

- Yeah

- [Doctor] Okay, see you next
time.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Take care now.

Bye, bye.

- [Girls] Bye!

- Do you wanna look at my boobs?

[girls laughing]

[Arg groans]

- Bloody hell, you didn't tell
me

you was gonna do it straight
away.

- [Billi] All right, Arg?

- All right, Bil?

- Yes, glad to see you're havin'

them slugs sorted out.

- I wanna be more well
groomed and presentable.

- [Billi] Yeah.

- I want people to look
at me and be like wow,

he's hot.
- Really?

- [Arg] Yeah.

- You best get up the gym then.

[people laughing]

Arg, we need to wax your
nostrils.

- I'm not waxin' my nostrils.

- You gotta wax your nostrils.

Argent, they're so big

and you can see all the
hair hangin' out of there.

- I use a nose trimmer.

- No, babe, you need to get rid
of them.

- How much would it hurt?
- It don't hurt.

- About as much as your
eyebrows.

- Fuck it, get the wax in them.

- [Billi] Should we do it.

Quickly, before he changes his
mind.

- [Arg] I better get
a fit bird after this.

- You ready?

You ready?

[Arg laughing]

- Please don't hurt me.

- Ready?

[Arg grunting]

- Oh, look how many hairies on
it.

- Just leave it alone.

Why did I come here?

I don't wanna be.

- Argent shut up!

- [Esthetician] We've gotta
do the other side now.

[Arg laughing]

That's it.

[Arg laughing]

- It's gone up his nose
[mumbles].

- Ready?
[Arg groans]

I'll get the edge.

I love this.

[Billi groans]

[Arg laughing]

- [Billi] Arg, it's like a hair
brush.

- Oh, I don't like it.

[Arg sniffling]

- Yeah, no, I do like coffee

but I have to be a little bit
careful,

'cause it gives me diarrhoea.

- [Billi F] Gem!

- It's really bad.

- I can't believe your honesty,
Gem.

- Anyway, get on this,
I'm going out on a date.

- With who?

- Right, really random.

I met this guy called Charlie.

- Chaz, like Chaz, yep.

- Met him out and about on my
travels.

- Yeah.

- And then I agreed to
meet him for a drink.

- Yeah.

- And the minute I sort of
got close I sort of got bit

of a tinge down below.

- What do you mean?

- What's a tinge?

- Actually, I think I know what
you mean.

- You know just that
little like tiggly feeling

down below like oh.

- What, like butterflies?

- In your nunny.
- Yeah, but in your privates.

- Oh, in your nun.

- Have you ever had the tinge
before?

- Yeah, but like not just
walking down the street normal,

like there must have
been some chemistry there

for it to start going a bit
funny.

So I went in, I was like hi,
and he went do you want drink?

I said I'll have a brandy
please.

He ordered up a coffee.

- A coffee?

- Yeah, like a frothy coffee,
right.

- Frothy coffee

- I'm sitting there
and he was really sweet

and he said like he's got like
little dogs

and would I like to
walk the dogs with him.

And then he invited me to
Nicole Scherchinger concert.

You know the Pussycat Doll?

- [Sam And Billi] Yeah.

- What, do you think he's gay?

- Do you?

Am I misreading the signs?

- Oh, you actually do?

- [Gemma] Well, what do you
think?

- I just threw it out there.

Well, no.

- I think you should
just give him the chance.

If you got the tinge you've
gotta give it another go.

- Yeah, the tinge is a good
sign.

- Well he's asked me out for
dinner.

And it's a bit nerve racking

but I've waited to have fun

and meet a nice bloke

and it'll just be my luck
he turns out to be gay.

[upbeat music]

- I got there.

- [Lyd] Yeah.

- And it was all sweet, and
then suddenly Arg come over.

- I just don't understand him.

- D'ya know what I mean?

We were just having a drink and
that.

- You're having a date and
he comes in and intrigues.

- No, it didn't bother me or
whatever.

- Did it ruin your date?

- [Ricky] Well yeah, it
did in the end, yeah.

- Oh no.

- I wasn't so much annoyed
at Arg, I was just annoyed

at the situation.

Joey and Diags ain't made it
any easier by telling him.

- No, it's like they're shit
stirring.

- They're talking to me, we
were having a bit of boy banter

they've said ah like,
would you get with Lydia?

And obviously providing the
circumstance weren't the same,

like I didn't know you for
so long and Arg and all that.

- [Lydia] Yep.

- Then yeah, why not,
d'ya know what I mean,

d'ya know what I mean so.
- Oh, thanks Rick.

- But they go around,
straight away, running to Arg,

oh Rick's gonna get with Lydia,

Rick's gonna get with Lydia,

and I'm like.
- Yeah, it's not fair.

- D'ya know what I mean?

- At the moment I look like the
bad guy,

like I'm some little snake
coming around

and messing with things, but
it's not like that at all.

- No, it's not.

Oh, Bob, come in, oh
this is my friend Bobby.

- Oh my god, I thought that was
Gok Wan.

I swear to god, I thought that
was Gok.

- It's my friend Bobby.

- I was like it's Gok.

- Bobby!

- How ya doin babes?

- I'm good, how are you?

- [Bobby] Lovely to see you.

- Come on in, how are you Bob?

Bobby, this is Ricky.

- Alright mate.

- [Bobby] Hi ya, how you doin?

- Bobby's opening a hair
salon down the road.

- Yeah.
- Just up the road, yeah.

- Very nice.
- Amazing.

- I'm not interrupting like
a date or anything here am I?

- No, no, no, we're just friends

- [Bobby] Are you sure?

- Just friends, we've got that
clear.

- Oh, lovely.

- [Lydia] Yeah, that's all out
there.

How you been anyway, what you up
to?

- Yeah, good.

Literally just popped up.

Went and had a little
look how their progressing

with the shop and the unit.

- [Lydia] Yeah, our friend
Lauren, she has a shop,

it got petrol bombed.

- [Bobby] Oh, I know.

- Just before opening as well.

- I hope I ain't major
competition for her.

- Oh d'ya know what,

there's enough people in Essex
that want

their hair blow dried, innit?

- Oh d'ya know everyone.

- Everyone.

- Everyone wants a blow job.

- We all need a blow now and
then.

- Blow jobs?

- We all need a blow
job every now and again.

- Bobby's the boy for that,
Rick.

- Oh my god, Bobby!

That is so funny.

- I'll have to pop down.

- [Lydia] But yeah, we've
got our opening tonight.

She does makeup, she does spray
tan.

- Oh, I might get tanned up

'cause I'm feeling ever so
pasty.

- [Lydia] You do not look pasty.

- Do I not?

- No, sweet.

- Do you know what?

I have actually got olive skin
though

because of I am actually half
Italian.

- See, I do love an Italian.

Want something Italian in me.

- Have you?

Oh you want some?
- No, I want some.

- Ricky's Italian.

- Shut up, really?

Love it.

- I think this is a new
relationship goin' on.

- Yeah.

See ya later, Lyds.

- [Lydia] I'll leave you two to
it.

- You're interrupting, innit?

[engine rumbling]

- Come on, let's go, let's go.

Let's do this, let's do this.

It's not for Arg.

Let's do it, let's do it,
let's do it, let's do it.

- Get off.

- Let's do it, let's do it,
let's do it.

- Don't touch me.

- So not glamorous.

[tapping]

- What kind of adventure
park are we going to?

- Like, it's like, it's
got climbing frames there.

It's got like, we'll
go down to like a hill.

- What, sit in a thing
and roll down a hill?

- It's like a sledge,
like a sledge in the snow

except we're gonna go down
grass.

It's gonna be fun.

- [Frankie] All right.

- [Joey] You know like a park
for kids?

- Yeah.

- Like free rolls, it's that.

But for about 15 year olds.

- But I'm 24.

- Yeah, oh my god, he's taking
so long.

I called him on the way here.

He takes so long.

[upbeat music]

- [Gemma] Are you all right,
Jess?

- Hello, you alright?

- Yeah, you?

I need your help

- Why?

- Oh my god, I've got a date

- Oh my god, exciting

- But now I'm like
shitting a brick because.

- You want some underwear?

- The underwear I've got is
like Bridget Jones style,

like big knickers.

- Oh no, can't be having
none of that, love.

- Washed out bras, d'ya know
what I mean.

- Right, what size are you?

I'm guessing you've got massive
boobs.

- 38 double D

- Shut up, right, okay.

- I want something like.

I don't wanna be like tacky,

do you think I should go plain
underneath?

I don't wanna look like I put it
about,

d'ya know what I mean?

- No, you want something

that's quite sophisticated and
stylish.

- Gotta look just - yeah,

just like that's what I wear
everyday.

- I've got this, too much green?

- Not sure about the green.

- But that would look nice.

I think that's really nice as
well.

- What looks better?

- Well, today 'cause you
got green on the green.

but I like the pink for you

'cause you're blonde hair like
Barbie.

- An oversized Barbie.

- Whatever.

- I'm not saying like
it's gonna get that far,

where he'll see my underwear,
but if I'm going on a date

for the first time I wanna
have like the whole package.

- Sparks might fly on the first
date and.

- You only live once.

- Exactly.

- What have I got to loose
at the end of the day?

- You're gonna look beautiful.

Gonna get some nice matching
underwear,

so if you go down underneath

then at least you feel
confident, right.

- Yeah, okay then.

[upbeat music]

- Can you push me?

[upbeat rock music]

Someone push me.

Oh fuck off.

- Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Open, open, open.

- Use your little finger and put
it

between your lips and just.

- Oh, quite rude, Cherry.

- [Cherry] It is, terribly.

Nice though.

That's it.
[Debbie laughing]

Now move your finger away,
and then just go open.

- Open.

- Yes, just a small tweaking of
the mouth

and you suddenly start getting
that projected forward tone.

- I'd just want to learn how
to speak like a proper lady,

I don't think a posh man will go
near me

if I talk like this.

- Trouble is, if she
meets a posh man, Cherry,

will he accept her family?

This is the trouble.

- Well, if he loves her, he
will.

- [Debbie] We might be known as
commoners

- I'll have to hire you as
my mum for the day, Cherry.

- We can get you a wig,
Cherry, we can do it can't we?

- Anyway.

- Yes.

- Shut your mouth and open it
again.

Now use your two fingers from
one hand,

put them together and put
them between your teeth so.

And look at the space that you
make.

That should be about the
space that you should have

between your teeth when
you're making vowel sounds

or when your making very open
sounds.

Do that about - that's right.

- Hello, how are you today?

- If your mum was crossing the
road

and there was a large
truck coming towards you,

you'd soon opening your
mouth and say stop!

- No, I wouldn't.

[women laughing]

- I'm joking, Cherry.

- That wasn't very nice, Lydia.

[women laughing]

- [Arg] So have any of yous
noticed anything about me today?

- Your eyebrows.

- Yes.

I had 'em waxed but some of
the hairs I need to pluck.

- [Frankie] Did it hurt?

- It killed.

I think I look more handsome,
don't you?

- I think you look exactly the
same.

Why are you doin' all this?

You don't need it.

- No, I just wanna be more well
groomed,

more presentable, you know,

I wanna look better.

- You shoulda done it for a
night out,

not for adventure island.

- Well, hopefully it will last
at least a few weeks, Diags.

It's not gonna last one day is
it?

- Are you still coming
with me later in the car?

- Whereabouts?

- To Lauren's salon?

- [Joey] Yeah, I'll come, I'll
go.

- I'll go.

- [Joey] I've got nothing else
to do.

- No, but yous two are coming.

I'm just saying, are yous coming
with me?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
we'll go together, yeah?

- [Frankie] Yeah, just
all go together [mumbles].

- It'll be sick.

- I've never not been invited
to a party before, ever.

- You don't think she might have

just made a misunderstandin'

and not text you or something,
you know?

- [Diags] Or your invite's in
the post.

- Oh yeah, do you know what?

Actually, [mumbles] it's not a
lie either.

She actually has changed
her number recently

and she ain't got your number.

She still had my number

so maybe she's lost your number.

- [Frankie] Oh yeah, she did
actually lose

everyone's numbers, something
like that.

- But she also has everyone's
back except for yours.

[upbeat music]

- Right, do you feel alright
like being in here after that

like, or d'ya feel a bit shooken
up still?

- I feel a bit shaken,
like 'cause I just feel.

It's just not a very nice thing.

And it makes you think what
type of person would do that,

that's what upsets me.

But fingers crossed,
everything will be alright now,

once I've got the shutter and
stuff.

- [Chloe] Yeah

- [Lauren G] Yay, oh
God, I'm exited though.

- [Chloe] Who's actually coming
tonight?

- I've just sent loads of
messages out

to everyone that can come
really.

It's a bit last minute.com but.

- What about that Ricky, is he
coming?

- Yeah, I've invited Ricky,
yeah.

- [Chloe] D'ya like him?

- Well, after the shop, the next
morning,

he just messaged me and
said this is my number,

I really feel for you,
and that if you need me,

I'm here anytime and stuff
like that, so it's quite sweet.

He'll ring me up, or
we'll message or say oh,

what you up to?

We have banter and I like that
and I like,

like when the message comes
through I'm just like oh,

so exiting that I'm getting
attention.

- Gives you freedom, innit?

You've got your freedom now.
- Yeah, exactly.

- Haven't you, and you
can do what you want.

- Yeah.

- You gonna give him a spray
tan?

- I might do, only if he
puts the little knickers on.

- He's only seems quite little
anyway though, doesn't he?

- How would you know?

[intense music]

- You all right, Charlie?

- Ta-da, it's my Mexican
specialty.

- [Gemma] Oh my god, it looks
lovely.

- Doesn't it just?

- [Gemma] The only thing
is, I'm not bein' rude,

but the avocado's black.

- Darling, that's just, it's
oven baked.

- You're making me shy when
you're calling me darling.

- Why, what?

- No one ever calls me darling.

It's really makin' my nerves
bad.

- What about we have a drink
then?

- Let's have a drink.

- Let's have a drink.

- [Gemma] Yeah, I'm a bit
nervous.

- Don't be nervous.

- I don't know why I'm nervous.

I just get nervous sometimes.

Get a bit shy.

- Don't be shy.

How are you anyway?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

I've just never seen a
black avocado before.

- Well you have now.

- Shut up, oh my god.

I love Champagne, do you?

- I love it.

Nothing like a bit of
bubbles is there really?

Let's toast to.

- Our first date.

- Our first date, nice one.

- I feel like I wanna go wild.

- Do ya?

- [Gemma] Yeah, do you?

- Always.

Did you bring your swimming
costume?

- [Gemma] No.

- No?

- Why should I have
bought a swimming costume?

- Well, got a hot tub out the
back

or we can go for a swim if you
like,

I can lend you a costume.

- Are you joking me?

- Or we can just chill,
eat, maybe watch a DVD.

- [Gemma] What ones do you like?

- I have to say I'm a bit
of a sucker for Titanic.

Titanic's got a sentimental
place in my heart,

I can't help it.

- Why, did you go on a
cruise once or something?

- Well, we are fanatical
cruisers.

And that love story on that
film kind of like hit me hard.

- Did it?

- Yeah, and it's kind of left
a bit of a mark in my life.

- Why's it left a mark on your
life?

- Because it's that idea that
love can touch us one time

and last for a lifetime.

- Oh, it was gutting that he
died at the end, weren't it?

- You know, I've never been in
true love, Gem if I'm honest,

and I guess that's in a funny
way

why I like maybe a bit like
you, the idea of that fairytale.

- That's like me though,

I don't wanna be in the
nightclubs
every night of the week.

I want my husband, I want my
two little beautiful twin girls

that I can dress up in pink
and call them Barbie and Cindy.

- Right.

- D'ya know what I mean?

- Okay.

- No, but what I mean is, you
know,

I'm not saying I'm gonna
have kids yet, Charlie,

do not think that for one
minute,

but what I'm saying is you know

when you have the dream about
life,

that is my dream of life,
d'ya know what I mean?

- That's good, sounds good.

I've never met anyone like you
before, Gem, d'ya know that?

[upbeat music]

- Anyone would usually
go and get this done,

like, at a salon.

We get the wine and the food.

Make a night of it.

- This is like a proper tattoo,

that's why you have to
[mumbles].

- Once you have your eyebrows
done,

it just makes your whole
face look different.

I could remember going to
the gym after I had mine done

and people saying, have
you had a face lift?

- [Sam] How's it goin' Bil?

- Fine, it's quite therapeutic.

It's relaxin'.

- So what is it you're
actually doin' to her?

- It's tiny, tiny needle
that goes in there.

- With a needle?

Why don't you leave well
alone, the lot of yous?

No wonder, you're all like
bionic ladies, ain't you?

With these and with these
and everything else.

- [Billie] I feel like they're
stingin' a bit, like sore.

- They look lovely.

- [Sam] They look lovely.

- By the time I wake up
tomorrow,

it'll be like a tiny
little bit of scabbing.

That's it.

But don't pick the scabbing.

I'm sure they'll tell.

- What ward does she go in
tonight, love?

- Ward three.

[upbeat music]

- You can be flash, but
you've gotta have the goods

to go with it, and he ain't got
the goods.

- I think Ricky's just a bit
confused.

- What I don't get is I dunno
understand

why he goes out his way to try
and say stuff behind my back,

I just don't get it.

- I think he's a bit too much.

- Why would he do that?

He was saying to someone the
other day,

he was going to some girl,
going oh why d'ya like Joey?

- He's not a man or something.

- You need to be with someone
like me, I'm well cool

and the girl was like just
told me straight away,

know what I mean.

- That's it.

And be a man, say it face to
face,

don't try and mug people
off behind their backs,

'cause in Essex it's gonna get
back,

someone's gonna find out about
it.

He ain't a cool guy.

- Definitely ain't a cool guy,
Joe.

- I know he's not cool.

- [Chloe] You're a cool guy,
Joe.

[upbeat music]

[soft emotional music]

- I love reading, do you like
reading?

- Mmhm.

- What sort of thing do you
read?

- OK Magazine.

[laughing]

- Okay, right.

- No, I read a really amazing
book once called "The Secret".

- That's my Bible, right there.

It kind of made so many
things clear to me.

It's funny, like you put
things to the test, isn't it,

like I put in my head what I
want

and it's right here in
front of me and it works.

- Oh my god, you say lovely
things.

What other books have you read?

- Have you ever read erm
the Ricky Martin book "Me"?

- Ricky Martin?

- Yeah

- As in she bangs, she bangs?

- She bangs, she bangs,
livin la vida loca.

[Gemma laughing]

- No.

- You haven't?

When I was reading,

I could identify with so much
stuff

that he's done in his life and
the stuff

that he's going, was
going through on his life.

- What was his life all about?

- Well he was.

- Is he married and stuff?

- No, he's a gay guy,
he's come out as gay,

but he struggled with being
the individual that he was.

- But where did you find
your love for Ricky Martin?

- No, no, I think you're
getting a bit carried away.

- Right.

- You've gotta celebrate
the person that you are,

and that if you're open
to sort of spiritualism,

and you're open to just
falling in love with a soul,

why does it have to be any
particular thing or person?

- Yeah, like a man or
a women or something.

- To me it don't matter.

Now people don't always
grasp that with me.

I've always been subject
to people's questioning

on certain things in life,

and don't really care what I do,

very open minded person,

but in this sort of small little
community

we live in.
- Yeah, people think

you're probably gay or
something.

- Oh I've had all of that.

No, I'm not your stereotypical
bloke,

but I don't care, I'm just me.

- That's brilliant.

- No I am pleased with them.

They're really nice.

- They're wicked.

- Cheers, girls.

- [Jess] Yeah, to your brows,
honey.

- To the brows.

- Have more fun here than at
Lauren's shop opening anyway.

I wasn't invited to go
Lauren's shop opening.

- You weren't invited?

- No.

- [Sam] So go on, what's
happening?

'Cause yous have had like
an argument, haven't you?

- We went out, we got in a cab

and out of the blue,
she just sort of went,

oh, well, you know, I was
never accepted into the family,

I had to put up with a
load of shit from them

and with that, she just
started screaming things

in my face, like you're a
wannabe,

you're a nobody, you've got no
friends.

- It's so clear to everyone that
she's,

like, jealous of you,
do you know what I mean?

- [Sam] Jess, she is so jealous
of you.

- Which is exactly

why I don't wanna go out with
her anymore.

I'm done.

I don't want it anymore.

I don't need her in my life.
- You don't, you don't.

- And I don't want her in my
life anymore.

The amount of crap she caused.

Not gonna get upset,
really not gonna get upset

but I'm not goin' through that
anymore.

Sorry.
- Don't cry.

- Look, don't let her make her
cry.

- I just don't wanna have
that in my life anymore.

I don't wanna be involved
in the situation anymore.

I've had enough of it, end of.

[upbeat music]

- Jess had a go at me just
because she doesn't like me,

that's what I think.

I don't know.

- Do you think you'll
end up getting on though,

just for the sake of
being in the same area,

having to see each out the whole
time?

- D'ya know what, Lyd, I hold my
hands up

and I'd say to her I
didn't want this to happen.

I apologise for a row.

Who started it?

She started it, but
I'm a big enough person

to say I said horrible
things, I apologise for that,

and it's not what I want,
and I don't wanna have a row

with her, I don't want this,
it's like life's too short.

And I've got so many good
things going on for me.

- All of us are proud of you
Lauren,

for what you've achieved.

- [Georgina] Yeah.

- [Lydia] And how you've
turned this round,

you've done an amazing job.

- [Georgina] Just think
of all the positive stuff

that you've going on at the
minute

and not the negative
stuff, and you'll be fine.

- It's hard 'cause I hate
confrontation, I hate arguments,

I'm exactly the same.

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Cheers to the shop, and the
future.

Don't worry about the past.

- Well done, we're very
proud of you, Lozza.

- I love when you call me Lozza.

- Lozza.

[sensual romantic music]

- You know when you go out with
people

and they're just so thick and
stupid

and you're like.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I've wasted my whole evening.

But I feel, like, excited that.

Do you know what I mean?

I feel like there's more
to find out about you

and there's definitely
more to find out about me.

It's mad, innit?

- So, I'm thinking we've had
a really good evening, right?

- Yeah.

- And it's getting a bit late.

- I'm gonna go soon, I think.

- I can't thank you enough for
coming.

It's been great for me

and I hope it's been good for
you.

- You are so sweet.

And I'd definitely come back.

- There's Ricky.

- [Lauren G] Hey Rick, are you
okay?

- Hi, you okay?

You all right?

How are you?

You good?

- Hello, you all right.

- Congrats with it all.

- Talk about late entrance.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

but I'm here, thanks for
inviting me, it's lovely.

- Ricky, I've gotta ask you
something,

will you have a spray tan?

- [Ricky] Course you
can give me a spray tan.

- [Lauren G] Are you joking?

- [Ricky] How many have you
done?

- One.

- One?

- But don't worry.

- You gotta stand there naked
and do a star fish like that.

- Right.

- And then she sprays all there,

and then you have to bend
over and she'll spray there.

[Lydia laughs]

- I'm game, I'm ready to do it.

Are you gonna get one of
them little nappy things,

sometimes I normally
just out a sock over it.

- Stop being so confident.

- That's not confident, I just
wanna.

I'm ready to have some fun with
ya.

- Oh, shut up.

[women laughing]

- In your blow bar,
what you gonna give me?

- A spray tan.

- And any other activities?

- [Lauren G] Extras.

[Ricky laughing]

- Apparently, Lauren fancies
Ricky.

- Good luck.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Well, she's gonna get
even more angry probably,

'cause of the fact that he's
been texting me as well.

- [Billie] [gasps] shut up.

- [Sam] Has he?

- Oh my god, that's brilliant.

I'm not being horrible,

but who's he gonna choose over
you or her?

I'm not saying it's like that
but.

- Do you fancy Ricky?

- [Billie] Seriously.

- I don't know Ricky enough.

Like he seems quite flirtatious
and cute

and I'm just going with the
flow.

I'm texting back and I've got no
loyalties

to Lauren anymore.

- You three are scary, scary
girls, yeah.

- I didn't think I was scary.

- [Ricky] Proper put
in my place you three.

- I'll put you in your place.

- What, no, all three
of you would, I'm sure.

- Can I have a word with Ricky
please,

is that all right?
- Yeah, yeah, course.

- I was gonna say I thought
me and yous were pals,

but you're going behind my
back, talking, talking about me

behind my back.

You said to me, you said
something to those girls

that I'm a boy.

- I didn't even know I said it,
innit?

- I'm not being funny
Ricky, if I was a boy, yeah,

and you think you're a man,

why wouldn't you say it to my
face.

- Nah, nah, course not, listen.

I ain't even denied it, right.

I don't remember saying it
and I don't remember doing it,

and I don't even remember
being at that place,

like I was that out of my nut,
right,

and as soon as I found out I
did,

I tried to get your number,
I tried to talk to you,

I tried to ring ya but
you didn't answer, right?

And I was just battered

and I could not even remember
it, so.

- Ricky, Ricky, if I was
pissed off at you, right.

- I'm not pissed off with you.

I love you down the to the
ground.

- So what's your problem
then, what have I done?

- To be honest like the
way you've been around me,

it's all been a bit like looking
at me,

going behind my back and telling
Arg

what I was talking to you about.

Rick said this, Rick said that.

- Mate, you were chatting
shit behind my back, mate.

Why are you trying to chat shit?

Why are you, right, you, Ricky
Raymond,

talking behind Joey Essex's
back?

Why are talking behind my back?

- I know you are a don.

- So why do you think I'm the
don?

- You are a don, that is it.
- I don't think you're a don.

I'm not.

- No, no, I'm not think I'm a
don, you're.

You are Joey Essex.
- Why are you talking

behind my back?

Right, why are you talking
behind my back?

- I have said sorry, right.

I didn't mean to.

- Yeah, no, I appreciate the
sorry,

but it's not the sorry, is it?

- What d'ya want me to say then?

- So d'ya want me to get to get
pissed?

- What do you want me to say?

- Why are you raising your voice
then?

- Get pissed and go talk
about me behind my back,

'cause I couldn't care a less.

- I wouldn't do that.

- Go bitch about me to someone
else.

- But you bitched about me,
mate.

- I'm not bitching.

- You did bitch.

You went to a girl.
- I didn't go oh Joey

said this, Joey said that.

No I didn't.
- You went to a girl,

you went to a girl and said to
the girl Joey's a little boy.

- Look if you wanna fucking
whack me up,

whack me up right now.
- What you think you

can do me?

- Just whack me up right now.
- You know what, whack me up.

- I'm not asking you to fight.

- Whack me up, whack me up.

You're the one that don't like
me.

- That's what I'm saying
a little boy wants

to fight.
- I ain't said nothing

about you.

- If I was a little boy like
you, right, I'd slap you up.

- Slap me up, slap up then.

I wanna know the reason
there must be a reason

why you're saying stuff.
- There ain't a reason!

I don't remember it, right.

She come to me, talking to me, I
went,

are you interested in Joey?

She was like well, you know, not
really.

- She said that, yeah?

She said that?
- She went like this.

- Mate, she told me that she
said you look like a dickhead.

- No, this is that she said
alright,

because she's gonna say
different things to you.

She went no, not really,

I can't believe everyone's heard
this,

I can't believe everyone's
talking about this.

- Fuck off mug, fuck off.

- You said you don't remember
it, Ricky.

- Who's asking you?

- Sort yourself out, sort
yourself out.

- [Lauren G] Right,
listen hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute, right.

- I think you're
embarrassing yourself, Ricky.

- [Lauren G] Can I just
say don't get involved.

- D'ya know what, do you know
what,

this is fucking bollocks.

All at me, no one's talking
about you

and no one ever will
talk about you, innit.

- Bye.

- [All] Joey!

- Joey!

- [All] Joey, Joey, Joey.

- [Lauren G] Oh, my gosh

[women screaming]

- [Narrator] Next time
on the series finale

of The Only Way Is

has Gemma made a Titanic
misjudgment?

- Titanic's got a sentimental
place in my heart,

I can't help it.

- [Narrator] And will
Arg's smooth nostrils

bag him a new girl?

- Better get a fit bird after
this.

- [Narrator] Also, does anyone
else think

that Dr Mario is even fitter
standing up?

- Yeah.

- [Dr. Mario] How do you feel?

- Dr. Mario, do you want
to look at my boobs?

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real

and anything can happen
on The Only Way Is Essex.

[upbeat music]