All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E13.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

and the mother of all cat
fights.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is
Essex.

- [Gemma] Was he
definitely with Lucy though

when you slept with her?

- Oh yeah, it was
probably like a month ago.

- So why did she sleep with
you if she was with him?

- 'Cause I'm the ride star.
[laughing]

- I'm thinking maybe you
shouldn't be with me.

- Knew that was coming.

- I didn't sleep with Gemma.

But she sort of confessed
her undying love for me.

- I just feel absolutely
devastated.

[upbeat music]

[calm music]

- Aww, oh my god.

- How nice is this dress?

- Oh my god, it looks so nice.

- Look how big it is.

I'd be happy everyday
if I have this dress.

- I love it.

- It is out of this world, but I
can't,

I've gotta save this for
my wedding day, haven't I?

I can't, I can't rock
up to my birthday party

like this, can I?

I can't.
- Or can ya?

- I think like I need to just
wait

until someone actually wants to
marry me.

And then get an amazing dress
like this.

- Wait until you've got
that ring on your finger.

- Yeah.

- Arg, have you thought about a
trailer?

'Cause you must have a trailer
for a show.

- Trailer, you mean jingle,

yeah?
- Yeah, like a jingle.

Tony, what do you think?

Can you do something?
- Yeah, I think we'll

all chip in at the end of the
day.

- All right, so remember James
Arg Argent.

- All I've got at the moment is

That's all I've done.

- Right, James Arg Argent Radio
Show.

- Right, yeah.

But you can't make it too long,

do you know what I mean?

If it's the James Argent Show,

that's what it is.
- No, I want it to be

James Arg Argent.

- How about the James Arg,

the James Arg Argent,

The James, um The James Arg
Argent,

The James Arg Argent Show.

[laughing]

- That's what we started with.

- What I'm saying was,

was doubling it up because of
the timing.

- What, the James Arg Argent,

James Arg Argent Show.

Yes!

That's the one!

[laughing]

[upbeat electronic music]

- They're looking good though.

- Are they tapered enough?

- Yeah.

They look good, man, they're
perfect.

- Tight enough?

- Yeah, cool man.

I wear everything tight, don't
I?

- Yeah, exactly, Jesus Christ.

So why is Chloe doing like
a wedding for like her 30th?

- 'Cause she ain't married yet.

I think she just wants to,

she wants to do like a wedding
theme party

'cause she thought she'd be
be married by 30 I suppose.

- Yeah.
- I think I'm gonna

go as a prince, Prince Charming.

She's going as the bride I
suppose.

Is it a bride?
- Bride, yeah.

- I'm a bit nervous though,

I gotta do me speech, ain't I?

- Have ya?
- Weird though, innit?

'Cause it's like them speeches
where

you've got to stand in front of
everyone,

everyone's going to be looking
at me.

I'm just going to be like.

- Have you written it yet?
- No.

Mick's gonna help me write it.

- Is he?
- Yeah.

I think so.
- That will be hilarious.

- I'm scared.

Watch my lashes.

- Yeah, I know I'll walk you
through.

- Oh my God, Cara.

- This is your birthday gift.

Right, you ready?

- Yeah.
- Come on then.

- I don't know if I trust you,
Cara.

I'm a bit excited and
I don't like surprises.

- Stop peeking.

- I'm not peeking.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

- Surprise!

- Oh, hello!

Who are you?

- I'm Jason, your butler.

- Hello Jason, how are you?

- Very well and yourself?

- Thank you.

Have you got anything on under
there?

- Not a thing.
- Whoo!

[laughing]

- Jason, pop the pole, po--

[laughing]

- Champagne?

- Yes, love some champagne.
- Yes, please.

- Jason, fill me up.

So are you looking forward
to Chloe's birthday as well?

- Yeah, really looking forward
to it.

It's her 30th.
- Yeah.

- It's a wedding theme.
- Is there no groom then?

Is it just a bride.
- Um, Joey's the

groom I think.

- Joey's the groom?
- Joey's the groom.

- Not being funny though,

I cannot stop looking at his
ass.

[slapping]

Luce, you seem a bit quiet
today.

- I'm not myself today.

- Why?

- What's wrong?
- Just relationship stuff.

- You can talk to us.
- I can't,

I don't really want to
talk about it today.

No, it's your birthday
don't worry about me,

my problems.

- We'll talk about it tomorrow.

- Well we're here for you if
you want to talk about it.

- Thanks, girls.

- I saw Mark last night and uh--

- He keeps going on about
this whole Lucy thing still,

like and all this rubbish about
apparently

Jess got a text and stuff.

He just needs to get fucking
over it.

I don't understand, it
doesn't really affect him,

but yet he's still going
on about it all the time.

Where it's me and Lucy
in this relationship,

he's now, whatever you know,

apparently seeing Sam or
whatever.

So why's he still going on about
it

and not getting over it is
beyond me.

- What about if you find out it
was true,

what would you do?

- If it's 100% true I'd
get rid of her wouldn't I?

- Yeah, would it hurt ya?

- Of course it would mate,

I mean we spend most days,
we spend most days together.

You know what it's like
with you and Sam, you know

you spend a lot of time
together.

I think if it was to
come out that it was true

then I've sort of already like
mentally

and emotionally prepared myself
for it.

- Yeah, of course.
- And if she's been

stupid enough to do
something like that then,

you know I'm better off
without her anyway, aren't I.

- Yeah, but have you seen the
text?

- No, I haven't seen it the
text.

- Why don't you ask her to see
it?

- Yeah, I think I might to her
to.

- I don't know the truth,
you don't know the truth.

The only way you're gonna
find out is by seeing

that text message and---

- Yeah exactly.

- She don't like you.

- Will you have, will you have
Wrightly?

- No thank you.

- Why is it you don't like
Wrightly now?

What's the matter with him?

- I like it, but I'm not having
him.

Because I know what it'll lead
to.

- [Mark] You keeping him?

- I'll have it for a
week and then it goes on

on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on
until it's

about 13 years old.

That's if I live that long.

- I'm lucky I've even got him
back.

'Cause that's the one thing I
missed

when I split up with
Lauren, this little fella.

- Oh, right.
- Why?

You can't make love to him.
- You didn't miss her?

- Yeah I missed her a little
bit,

but I'm moving on from Lauren.

I just don't know what to do
anymore.

I keep saying, "So look Lauren,

"I would never forget what
happened

"between me and you but
we're both moving on now."

- You should've said,
"Oh get a life, Lauren."

For God's sake.

Well, if that's true.

- But today I got to take Arg
up,

I'm gonna give this kid
a complete make over.

What he wants.

He's talking about his teeth

and you know end up looking like
that.

He don't need new teeth,
do you know what I mean?

That's super large, big set of
teeth.

- No.

- Hello ladies and gentlemen,

it's your boy James Arg Argent

and now we're moving on to
the agony on Arg section,

where I'm gonna listen
to some of your problems

and see if I can help you
out as best as possible.

Right, a letter we've got,
received here.

"My last boyfriend told me

"I was the hairiest woman he'd
ever met.

"I'm now too embarrassed to
date.

"What should I do?"

All in all it's not all, you
know

it's not all to worry about.

You know, I think it's
German women or German men,

or people that are Dutch
from the Netherlands

they're into all the hairy shit.

Um, moving on.

"I've recently divorced from my
wife

"and I started fancying men.

"Does this mean I'm gay?"

Hmm.

You might be bisexual because
you've been with women before

and now you're starting to fancy
men,

so you could swing both ways.

[upbeat music]

- She's not over him no
matter what she says,

she's not.
- I do have doubts

that if I trust him and
like the whole Lauren thing

still like hanging about and
that,

but it's like it's hard
'cause I do really like him.

I'd like to say that
we could make it work,

but then I can't predict the
future.

If you've got a 100% trust

and 100% full attention of
someone,

that's what makes it work and
it's not 100% full attention.

- The thing is, is well you
want to make it very clear

to Mark that you don't
want to be the rebound.

You like him enough to be
handling the ex-girlfriend,

there every time you're
sneaking off to have a kiss.

- I feel like I'm about five.

- That's what it's like, it's
like

you know, playground.

But.

That is gonna be Mark
Wright's life unfortunately.

- God.

- So.

- Fun, fun, fun.

- You look really sad.

What's going on?

- I am really sad, really
upset at the minute.

Just drained of it all.
- Why?

- I know Mark's a complete dog.

I just think he's got no morals
in life,

got no respect for me
and I'm just so upset.

- The way Mark is behaving,

like all the getting
engaged and all of that,

I don't think he gives a fuck.

- No.

And for her, why would she want
to jump

in my grave straight away.

Why does she want to be my,
you know sloppy seconds?

Do you know what I mean?

- Are you gonna say anything to
Sam?

- There's a lot I could say to
Sam,

but I also think she's a young
girl

and I just feel like get on with
it.

If you really want to do that to
yourself

and do it to another girl, get
on with it.

I really do.
- Why don't ya have

a conversation with Sam and Mark

and just say look, keep it out
of my face.

- Do you know why,

'cause I'm so sick to
death of talking about

my fucking relationship, Mark,
Sam, and all that bullocks.

At this moment in time
and how I feel today,

I don't want to see her,

I don't want to see him.

I wanna forget him and I
want him out of my life.

- Welcome everybody.

Thank you for turning up,

it means a lot to me.

I can't read my writing.

- What is that?

- My speech.

- Oh, that is the speech is it?

- Yeah.
- Cool.

- I don't know what to write.

- What you doing?

- Helps me think.
- Does it?

- Yeah.
- Jesus, mate.

You carry that around with ya?

- When I write stuff.
- Yeah?

- Or like when I'm stressed out.

- Fucking hell.

You're something else, Joey.

- Oh my God, I just got it.

There you go, thank you.

It's um,

you are

the queen

of reem.

- You saw that in a bubble?

- I saw that in a bubble.

This is hard, innit?

I don't really know what to say.

- You have to keep it short and
sweet.

But just say the right things, I
think.

So just talk about how she
looked after ya

when you was growing up,

'cause she obviously did look
after ya,

didn't she?
- Yeah, yeah,

she looked after me, yeah.

I'll be all right on the day,
won't I?

- Yeah, you will, yeah.

It will flow Joe, you're a
natural mate.

- You look so beautiful,

you take my breath away.

And I'm so proud to know you.

You're kind, you're funny,
and you make everyone laugh.

You really are the queen of
reem.

What are you saying?

- What do you reckon?

I don't know if I want white or
black.

- Why is it always a Dickie bow?

Listen you've come out
'cause you want to start

looking different and
getting a new little style

and you're buying a Dickie bow.

You live in Dickie
bows, you sleep in them,

and you eat in them.

- I haven't wore a white one in
ages.

- If you wanna come and look at
them,

that's fine, that's up to you.

But you're the one telling
me that you want to change.

- No, I do want to change,
you're right.

I wanna, you know,

I wanna change my appearance.

- Arg is Arg,

big cuddly teddy bear.

That's who you're meant to be.

- Yeah, but I don't.
- You ain't gonna

be Mr. Essex.

You're gonna try, it
ain't going to happen.

Come on.

[phone ringing]

- Hi, Luce.

- Hi, Lyd you all right?

- Yeah, you okay?

- I'm okay,

are you around to meet up
quickly?

- Aww, Luce I'm so busy today.

I'm so sorry, I've just got
to do all my accounting stuff

ready for tomorrow for the shop,

I'm so sorry.

- I just wanted to have a chat
with you

because basically earlier
I spoke to Mario and um,

he's been having a chat with
Joey

about the whole Jess thing
and that there's like,

Jess has shown people like
text messages on her phone

that apparently I sent and.

And just,

like yeah, he's decided
that he wants to go

and meet up with Jess.

- He wants to meet up with Jess?

- Yeah.

- Aw Luce, I so think that you

should meet up with him first.

Maybe if you speak to him
before Jess gets her chance

to talk to him because
then you can give your own

opinion and give like, your
thoughts on it

and your side of the story.

- I just know that I need
to go meet up with him.

Yeah, I think that's
the right thing to do.

- Okay then.

Well, call me if you need me,
okay?

- I will do.

- I love you lots.

Bye.

- You just look funny, you
looking a bit different for
once.

- What do you mean?

I'm trying to be different,

that's my whole point
in my transformation.

It's still a bit of me 'cause
its got a Dickie bow but--

- The hat.

The hat is like,

don't even fit your big head.

- Yeah, I know.
- Lose that.

- I'm not too sure about--
- Undo this.

- Don't show too much chest
'cause I've got moles.

It's like I've spilled
a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

- Looks fine, you dullard.

Show a bit of chest.

You want to be Mr. Essex,

you gotta show a bit of your
flesh.

Let the girls know you're sexy.

Arg is in the place.

Do you know what I'm trying to
say?

That's it, that's decent.

Who would you say in a
moment is looking decent?

- Do you know what,

the girls around here
they're just lacking, mate.

I'm not thinking, I mean
usually I'd be like,

you know I'm happy being with
Lydia

but you know, still have a bit
of a look

and you still sort of be like,

"Oh, she is fit, bloody hell."

and all that sort of stuff,

but at the moment I've got Lydia

and it's just not one bit of
interest.

- You getting to that point of
thinking we need to move on?

And move to a different area
or bring them into Essex

and turn them into Essex girls?

It's like--
- I mean, what about you?

Is there any fit birds at the
moment?

- Don't know, well there's Sam
obviously.

She's gre, that's the perosn I'm
seeing

that's the one I'm looking at.

- What about Lucy?

What's going on there?

- I don't care, Arg.

I slept with her a month
ago, Mario knows it.

Whatever, I don't need to prove
it.

I don't need them to split up,

I want them to be happy,
you know what I mean?

- Do you reckon they seem happy?

'Cause at the Halloween
party they didn't seem

as close and as tactile as
what they usually are did they?

- Frank, I cannot believe I'm
30.

- Come on, you've got to be
excited.

- Everyone's coming, we got
the cake, we're gonna have

the carriage.

- Prince Charming.

- And Joey.

I wonder whether Joey is
gonna actually do a speech.

- Of course he will.

- 'Cause if he does it would be
so funny.

- So funny.

- And I just like,

I just hope that everyone has a
good time

and they actually get it,

'cause they're probably like
confused,

like being invited to a birthday
party

which is a wedding theme.

- But they're probably thinking,

"Who's getting married?"

- Me!

To myself.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

I wanted to meet you today
because,

'cause I've never been um,

completely honest about that
night.

- Okay.
- And I think you know that

a little bit.

- Yep.

So what happened that night
then?

- Okay from start to finish.

So you flew to Ibiza in the
morning,

me and the girls had that
table booked in the club,

we all went there.

And then the manager came up to
me

about half an hour into it and
said,

"Just to let you know Mark just
booked

a last minute table."

And he got there and I had a gut

instinct that I should leave.

But I thought it's my
friend's birthday, I'll stay.

And anyway, carried on with the
night.

Got more and more drunk.

And the last really bit
I remember of the night

is leaving and going
back to Jess and Mark,

had like a joint party.

And I honestly, I really,
the rest is a fuzz.

I'm not gonna, I can't
sit here and say that--

- Where did you wake up?

- At Mark's.
- Okay.

Well then I think it's
needless to say it's over.

- But like Mario, can you just--

- No, Lucy, Lucy, no.

- Can you just hear me out?

- No, you've had your say.

Right, you've lied for
the past two months,

not just to me, to my sisters,

to my mom's face, to my whole
family.

What sort of person does that
make you?

- But Mario, I honestly think,

no can you just--

- No, not being funny,
how can you say anything?

There's nothing you can say,
okay.

I literally fucking was
in Ibiza for 12 hours,

what sort of girl does that make
you?

The week before that I had
taken you out for your birthday,

I took you to fucking
holiday in the summer,

I've done nothing but
treat you really nicely,

even take you for nice meals.

You've always said you've
not been part of a family,

I've let you be part of
my family, everything.

I was even buying us a flat
together

until you fucked it up
with everything else.

And you've done this.

- Can you just let me
speak for two minutes?

I know I don't deserve it,
please.

I woke up dressed and I honestly
still

to this day don't know what
happened.

That moment made me realise
how much I loved you

and how much I would never want
to go--

- So it took you fucking someone
else

to realise how much you love me?

- No, shut up, I do--

- You're so fucking stupid,
seriously.

- I know I'm stupid.

It made me realise I've
never had a boyfriend

as lovely as you and I just,

I took you for granted, I really
did.

- I don't give a fuck,
it's over seriously.

Your morals are way off.

I just think it says a
lot about you as a person.

- Mario, all I can say is that
I was really, really drunk.

- That's all right then.

- No, I was really, really
drunk.

It was the biggest mistake of my
life

and it just made me realise
how much I loved you

and all I wanted was you.

You do deserve better than me, I
agree.

- Yeah, and I will get better
than you.

I've had enough of you just
treating

me like shit all the time,

and you always put me down as
well.

- I don't!
- You do,

you always put me down.

You treat me like an
absolute cunt to be fair.

- Right, well I love you to bits

and I'm sorry.

- Sorry doesn't cut it.

[cheering]

- Oh my God, look how many
people.

I'm really excited.

Hello everyone!

Nanny Pat!

Hello!

All right, Bill?

Hello, hello!

- How are you?

- I'm all right.
- Enjoying yourself?

- Yeah, I feel a bit awkwardly
about this Arg thing.

- Aw, me too.

- How do you feel about it?

- Do you know what, I
have like said to everyone

that I don't know if
it's awkward between us,

but it's awkward for no reason.

I feel like maybe,

you think I've got a problem
with you,

which I haven't at all.

- No, I know because you
know at the end of the day

like I've just become close with
Arg

because of the bootcamp--
- Yeah.

- I personally would never cross
that line

because I'm not a dog
and I don't believe that

any girl should cross that
line at the end of the day.

But if there ever was a
scenario,

maybe in five years time,

if you never was together then I
might

go in for a cheeky little snog.

But it's just not gonna happen.

Do you know what I mean?

- The saddest thing for me is,

is that I'm not married.

I haven't got my prince.

No one wants to marry me.

- Listen, never say never.

You can meet your prince
tonight.

- But Frank, I'm not even close
to it.

I haven't got a boyfriend,

I haven't got a fiance,

I haven't even got anybody
who wants to marry me.

I keep thinking in my head,

"Whoo yeah!" But then I think,

"Oh my God you're totally a
loner."

I've been left on a shelf, and
I'm 30.

Thirty!
- Listen,

age is just a number
like I've said before.

- I know, but from now on
I'm gonna be an old bride.

And there's no way around it.

- An old bride?
- I've hit middle age.

- No way.
- So like,

from now it's downhill.
- Seriously,

if we all be negative like that

then no one's ever gonna get
bloody married, are they?

- Easy for you to say, 23
or 24, whatever you are.

If you get married before me,

when I come to your wedding
you better throw the bouquet

straight at me.
- Obviously.

- Are you having anything to
eat, babe?

- Um, I don't know, I might do.

- It all looks filth to me.

- It's not filth.

It's just seafood.

- Yeah, but look at that.

That's got eyes on it.

- Yeah, babes they're prawns.

- Who eats food with eyes on it.

- I'm starving.

- Oh, trust you to be starving.

- Hello, hello Harry.

How are you doing?
- Hi, Argy.

- Hi, Arg.
- Good, good.

So you know all this um, wedding
scenario and stuff tonight,

does that make you two feel
that, you know

do you believe in gay
marriage and stuff like that?

- I do.
- I don't want to get married.

- You don't?

You don't want to get married?

- No.
- What about you, Kurt?

- Yeah, I want to get married.

I want a proper wedding.

- Would you wear a dress
or would you wear the suit?

- No, suit.

I'm not wearing a dress.

- Just asking a question.

- Just 'cause we're gay
doesn't mean we wear

dresses on a wedding.

- No, but someone's gotta wear
the dress,

someone's gotta wear the suit.

- No.
- Oh,

so you can both wear the suit?

- Yeah.
- Or both wear the dresses.

- No.

- Sorry, I didn't mean
to make any offence,

I just, I don't know about
these sort of things.

- That's all right, Argy.

- The only way I can
relate with gay people

is that I'm a huge fan of Will
Young.

[cheering]

- Whoo!

Um, first of all, I would
like to welcome everyone

to Chloe's 30th birthday, which
looks a bit like a wedding.

Um, it's quite a short speech,

but just a few things remind
me of Chloe when I was little.

When I was a baby, she
looked after me a lot

and she used to always
make me Marmite on toast,

but I don't think she's
actually realised that I've only

started liking it about two
weeks ago,

because I fucking hated it.

She looked after me all my life
really.

I'm getting nervous now for some
reason.

And I can talk to Chloe
about anything really,

about obviously girlfriends,
looking reem,

you know everything like that.

And uh, yeah, just generally
about girls and stuff.

But I want to make a toast,

so um, everyone here make a
toast please.

To Chloe!

[cheering]

- Hello everyone.

As you can see, I'm dressed as a
bride

because I'm not married and I'm
pissed off

because I'm 30 and I've
got no husband, rubbish.

But Joey has decided to stand in

for the Prince Charming today.

Thanks, Joe.

Anyway, thank you all for
coming.

All have fun and enjoy my
birthday.

Thank you.

- Five, four, three, two, one.

- If you get married before me,

I gonna cry my eyes out, I swear
to God.

[upbeat dance music]

- Sorry for being late and that.

- It's all right.

- And obviously not
dressed for the occasion.

- No, you look reem, man.
- Yeah?

- What's been going on?

- Well, um, I met,

I met Lucy and she's told me
more about the Mark thing.

- What'd you mean?

- She's now turned around
to me and said that

she did stay around there,

but don't know what happened
that night or anything.

Oh mate, she's completely
have fucked me over.

- So what's happening?

Are you upset or?

- Yeah, I've ended it, mate.

- I feel for ya mate.

I don't know what to say, like.

- Everything, literally
everything

about me I wanted to give to
her,

didn't step a foot out of place,

and she's fucked me over.

Do you know what I mean?

If I--
- This is what happens,

when you're nice to girls like
that

and this is what they do, mate.

- Exactly, and then girls wonder

why boys are sometimes assholes.

- You're in the same position as
me, mate.

Like do you know what I mean?

I never been horrible to Sam

and she went bang, see ya later.

- Exactly.
- It's just if

you're a nice boy and
that's what people do mate.

And that's life.

- Oh, thanks Joe for
being my Prince Charming.

- It's all right.

We'll find you love one day.

- It really feels like a
wedding.

That was supposed to be me next
year.

- Oh, shit yeah.

- Weird, innit?

- Yeah, but do you really
think--

- You had a lucky escape.

- Finally I've, do you know
what?

It really upsets me 'cause I
feel like,

I look at him over there and
I think you're with that girl.

I don't know you no
more, what are you doing?

Do you know what, after what
my family has done to me,

I'm a stronger person.

- Come here, listen, listen,

you're 24, 25 years old right?

Listen, look at Chloe.

She's 30 for fucks sake.

She ain't married, do
you know what I mean?

- You had a good day, Nan?

- I've had a good day,

but I'm tired and I want to go
home.

I'm dead beat.

- Nan, you know what, I'm tired

and I just feel awkward
here and everything,

so I might take you home.

Are you gonna stay, Sam?

- Oh, always a good boy.
- Yeah, I'm gonna stay.

Go on, you go.

- I just want to do something
first,

so just wait here, all right?

- Right, okay.

- Why?

- Lauren, can I talk to you for
a sec.

Um, look firstly I just want to
apologise

for what you had to see the
other night.

I wouldn't want to see that
either,

if it was the other way round.

But Lauren, what I feel
like I'm misunderstanding

is you're going around
telling everyone how over

you are of me and I'm over him,

I don't like him no more,
and you can't say that

and then expect to call me out
of order

for trying to move on
and kissing someone else.

Do you know what I'm saying?

- No.

- Why not?

- I think you're very,
very, very disrespectful.

- Why?

- I'm at the same party as you.

- Yeah.

- We still talk.
- Yeah.

- I slept with you a couple of
weeks ago.

- A couple of weeks ago?

A month ago now, three weeks
ago.

- Really?
- Yeah, okay, listen right.

- How dare you.

- We don't need to argue
in front of everyone.

- You cried a few months ago,

how much you wanted to marry me.

You cried a speech saying
how much you loved me.

- A few months ago?

That was January, uh, March,
Lauren.

- Oh so like that and
it turns off does it?

It turns off.
- It's been.

Lauren it's been nine months.

- I could bring a boy
on the show like that,

out of respect.
- Then do that.

Lauren you can do that.

- Out of respect I would
never ever in a million years,

sit there, go in a bush and kiss
a girl

that you've been with over and
over.

- But Lauren, I'm trying to move
on.

- Get over it. Move on then.

- Let me tell you one thing all
right.

Who I choose to see and talk to

unfortunately hasn't got
anything to do with you.

If I want to move on--
- Okay.

- With whoever I want to, I can.

Like you can.

It's not my um, choice
who you can move on with.

- Okay.
- Can I finish--

- If you got that much
respect for your body

for a girl you loved for 10
fucking years,

what fucking type of girl
would want to be with you?

- You don't need to shout.

- No, shut up.
- There's people around.

- Shut your fucking mouth

and listen to what I've got to
say.

Don't look at me, don't
look at me up and down.

'Cause I'm rude to you.

When out of respect for your
girlfriend,

your ex-fiance of 10 years.

- Why are you being so rude?

- Ten years, ten years,
stop shacking about.

- How many times do I have
to try reasoning with you?

- Get over yourself.

- I haven't slept with Sam yet.

Listen, I'm not here to argue,
yeah.

- Well listen, I'm not here to
argue.

I'm here to tell you I forgive
you

and I want to forget
you, now get out my life,

and never ever talk to me again.

- Listen.
- Get on with it.

Go away, go away.
- Why do you have

to be so unreasonable?
- Go away from me.

- Why do you have to be so
unreasonable?

- Go away from me.

Don't ever talk to me again.

Or ring me, good bye

- All right, you had your
chance, see you later.

- Good bye, good luck.

- Guys, I'm going.

I can't stand this.

See ya later Sam.

- See ya later.

- Bye, Mark.

- He's a mug.

Desperate.

Been mugged off once
and go back there twice.

- Lauren--
- See you later then.

Go again.

Go again.

Go on, beat around the block.

Go back for it again.

- Who's the one moving on now?

- Go through it again, good bye
then.

- Who's the one moving on now?

- Good bye.

Good bye.

- If you can't move on don't say
it.

- You go back to ones that want
you,

I don't, go for it.

Stop ringing me.

You were engaged to me for a
reason.

- All right, Lauren.
- Cried to me for a reason.

Good bye.

And you know it's true.

Only mugs will have you back.

One of his mugs again that goes
ahead

and goes with him because she's
desperate.

She's desperate.

- Shut up Lauren, you're
embarrassing yourself.

- Shut up, you fucking shut up.

- You shut up, Lauren.
- Who do you think

you're talking to?
- Calling me a mug?

- Who are you talking to?

- Who am I talking to?

I'm talking to you.
- The girl who went I love you

do you wanna be with me, and
he fucking mugged you off,

at my engagement, didn't
want to be with you.

You're meant to be my friend.

- I'm your friend?
- Yeah.

- You fucking wanker.
- Oh my God.

- Fuck off.

- [Narrator] Next time
on The Only Way is Essex.

Can Mario forgive Lucy for
doing wrong with Mr. Wright?

- I know I'm stupid.

It made me realise I've
never had a boyfriend

as lovely as you and I just,

I took you for granted, I really
did.

- [Narrator] Does Lauren hit the
mark

in Sam's new relationship?

- Why would she wanna jump
in my grave straight away?

Why would she want to be my,
you know, sloppy seconds?

- [Narrator] And will
Arg ever open his mouth

without shoving his foot right
in it?

- The only way I can
relate with gay people

is that I'm a huge fan of Will
Young.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real because
anything can happen on

The Only Way is Essex.

- That's the one!