All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E07.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

- [Narrator] This programme
contains flash boys,

fake boobs,

and some classic, bad karaoke.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is
Essex.

- I found a place didn't I?

It's got an upstairs,

everything, but it ain't got an
oven.

- Oh I must have the

flattest arse in Essex.

- [laughter]

- Look!

I've got these bad boys on.

[laughter]

- [Mark] Unless you've got
something

nice to say to me,

just don't talk to me.

- I won't talk to you then.

'cause I haven't really got
anything got

anything nice to say.

[dramatic music]

[funky music]

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[thumping music]

♪ Hey son I'm looking forwards

♪ You're aiming backwards,
of this I'm sure ♪

♪ Have you had enough?

- God, the last time you was in
a ring was

when you bashed Kirk, weren't
it?

- Yeah.

Feels good to be back mate!

Maybe there's someone else
who fancies a little fight.

Dunno, who could that be?

- Probably Lydia at this rate.

- I mean what happened with
you two the other night?

Listen Arg, I didn't want you to

really talk about it with you

'cause I don't want you
to get wound up about it,

'cause the last thing in the
world I want

is you rowing with Lydia.

- Yeah, but Mark but it's
fucking pissing

me off at the moment, mate.

'cause she has been friends
with Lauren and Lucy for, what,

the last six months,

and then she has got a
bit close to both of them,

she is so brain washed with what

both of them have got to say.

They're saying this about
you, that about you and,

you know, she is starting
to believe it all.

But at the end of the day she
doesn't

know what is going on behind
closed doors.

She doesn't know exactly
what's gone on and the truth.

And I think she's just
proper deluded at the moment.

- I wonder if it is because she
is worried

about how close me and you are?

- I don't think it's that.

- Well, maybe me and you need to

stop seeing each other so much.

- No. It ain't that Mark, trust
me.

It is a combination of things,

it might be a little bit of
that. But..

- But do you think we need to
just part for a little while?

- No, not at all!

- Promise me, as a best friend,

you ain't going to go and do
nothing silly

and split up with her
and be horrible to her.

- I ain't doing nothing silly.

We're not going to split up over
this.

But, it's come to the
point where, you know,

I am so used to being
told what to do by Lydia

and listening to her rules
that, at the end of the day,

she's got to prove her love to
me

and show me respect sometimes as
well,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, of course.

[staccato electronic music]

- Oh my God Joe

this is the absolute business.

- What are you saying?

- [laughing]

Can't believe you've got your
own pool.

- What's that?

- This is so exciting,

that's your moving in present.

- What is it?

- Happy moving in.

- Can I open it now?

- Course you can, open it.

- [Joey] What is this?

- What are you sayin'?

- What is that, a donut maker?

- Yeah

- [Chloe] Come on then, show me
around.

- [Joey] Come on then, let's go.

- [Chloe] Let's have a look.

It's really nice out here
though,

it's like being like at
a villa or something,

Joey's villa.

- It is. It's like a little
apartment, isn't it, look.

- Oh, it's really nice.

- How good is it?

- Yeah, it's really modern isn't
it.

- That is pretty much my bed for
now,

until I get my futon bed.

- What, is that why you
have got all that stuff out?

Is this where you are sleeping?

- Yeah, but it's massive, look,

you can sleep one person
there, one person there.

It is like a double bed,
but it's not a double.

[laughing]

Have you heard about this
Karaoke thing tonight?

Everybody is going to be
like singing and all that.

But I am going to sing some
proper Gangster song like,

Move...

- [Chloe] Yeah, that is
so funny, I like the move,

what is that?

- I don't know, it's like,
I think it's called...

- [Chloe] Driving the car.

- Driving the car.

♪ Chasing paper, rates ain't
very high, ♪

♪ Or you're just getting by

- I love this, this is so
exciting.

- Or that, or you can do it
sideways.

- Yeah, can I do my own thing
though,

because I don't know if I'll be
very--

- Yeah.

- Good at that, yeah.

I am going to go now,

because I've got my consultation
about my bum implants.

- Really?

- [Chloe] Yeah.

- Shut up.

- Be good if had them in time
for the show, but I won't.

I'll just have to wear the
knickers.

So I'll see you later, loving
the place.

- Laters.

- [intense rock music]

- Alright?

- Hi ya, Nice car.

- Oh, thank you very much.

- Couldn't you have got yourself
a proper colour, like red?

- I didn't wanna be one of them
guys, you know what I mean?

Who's is that, yours?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I guess it's a bit of a manly
car,

it's a good car though, innit?

- Really?

- Yeah, anyway what's your name?

- Billie

- Kirk, nice to meet ya.

- Nice to meet you.

- Where are you from, around
here?

- Yeah, I am from local, yeah.

- Well, I feel a bit rude,
I've got my pump in me hand

while I am talking to ya.

- No worries.

- What are you doing tonight?

I'm hosting - it sounds silly,

but it'll be fun,

I am hosting a karaoke party at
Sugarhut.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are you a good singer?

- No, but I am just going
to give it a go, ain't I?

- Okay, I love Karaoke.

- Yeah. Well, we will do that
tonight,

have you got any other mates?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, bring a mate as well
and we will have a laugh.

- Yeah I will do.

- Alright.

- Right, look forward to it.

- Alright, take it easy.

- See you later.
- I'll see you tonight.

- Bye.

♪ Better talking, better
stick, stick to talking ♪

♪ Better get gone, it's all good
♪

♪ Yeah, it's crazy

- [Mr Berry] So what are you
hear to talk to us about today?

- I'm thinking about
having my bottom done.

- What do you mean by that,
having your bottom done?

- Well, I don't like my bum.

- Can we have a look and just
get an idea

of what we are talking about
there.

- Yeah.

- Now do you mind if I
just lift that, that's it.

Okay.

- Like if I could have a bum
I would have it like that.

- You'd have it up there, would
you?

- So like it was like that.

- Okay.

- So it went out like...

- Okay, alright.

- Like instead of just like,
it's just like nothing.

I feel like I'm at the front

and I've got nothing going on at
the back.

- Well, yes, we know about that.

Um, okay, the gluteal or buttock
implants

are a fairly solid implant,

so if you think it will feel the
same way

as the ones on the
front, they won't, okay.

- So will it feel like my real
bum,

or will I feel like I
have something in my bum?

- You will feel like you
have got something in it.

- Okay, but like driving
and that you can do?

Like when you feel better.

- You won't be sitting
down on it for two weeks.

- What happens if you do sit
down?

- Well you could end up
displacing

your implants around the corner.

And you don't want that.

- So how do people sit?

- Well, they don't for two
weeks until it's settled.

- What do you do then,
sleep on your belly?

- Well, you have to sleep on the
side

or sleep on your front, yeah.

- That's agg, because I've
already got these in the way.

- Well yes, so it is going to be

an interesting sleeping
position for you, isn't it?

- Can you sleep on your side?

- Yes, you can.

- It won't make it go lopsided?

- No, no.

I would like to try and get you

as close as you can be
to what you want to be,

and we can certainly improve
you,

but I don't want to ruin you.

- [Lydia] So let's start
with the cake tasting.

- Well.

- [Lydia] What one are
we gonna start with?

- Coffee.

- Coffee.

I'm not big on coffee, to be
fair,

I think you either love it or
you hate it.

And I don't really like it.

- How are you feeling there
'cause I've never seen

you so upset and stressed
like the other day.

- I had the argument with Mark
and,

and it's just caused big
problems.

- But why, why are you letting
it get to you like this?

There is so much going on in
your life, just let it go.

- Yeah.

- Yours and Marks, I've kept
well out of,

because you are really
alike in a lot of ways.

You're both stubborn,
you're both headstrong.

He wants James, you want James.

- Maybe I do blame Mark too
much.

I feel like James is naive and
just wants to please people.

- Let's try this one.

Oh God this looks lovely.

How fantastic does that look?

- Pretty fantastic.

- James needs to make choices
Lydia, and the problem is

he's not very good at making
choices.

My advice to you, darling,
is maybe you have got to

put a little bit more effort
into getting on with Mark.

[funky electronic music]

- Thank you,

and,

excellent.

Okay, pop that on again.

Come and sit down, and let's
have a look at the images.

So as you can see we've got
you up here on the screen.

Your consultant will advise
you of the whole procedure.

What we're trying to do here,
is to help you express better

the direction you want to go.

- Yeah, I just want to like lift
it up

and have it come out a little
bit.

- Okay, so what we're doing here
is

we're just trying to
add some, see, volume.

- I wanted it to come out, like
higher,

you know like at the bottom of
my back.

So it'd have more shape there.

- So a bit more sort of
J.Lo-esque?

- Yeah, like what we have done
so far

is that quite dramatic
or is that quite subtle?

- Uh, well, let's have a look.

This is how we've expanded it.

You can see the volume
that's gone in there?

- Yeah.

- Now, to give you another view
of this,

I'm going to move the slider
so you can see what we've done.

It's not outrageous,

it just adds a little push up to
the top.

- Yeah, that looks so
much better, don't it?

I like it,

yeah, like a balloon.

I really want it done now
[laughing].

[funky electronic music]

[funky music]

- Oh god.

Someone smelt the cakes, Lydia.

- Smell the cake?

- [sighing]

- What is the matter?

- We need a family meeting.

- We're always having family
meetings.

But you don't take any notice,

we have family meetings
and you agree to everything

and then it goes.

- No, for once I am the one
taking notice

and Lydia is not taking notice.

- What do you mean?

- Jessica's turned round

and said that Lucy got
Jessica to cover up for her.

Lucy never stayed at
the flat with Jessica,

she did stay at the flat with
Mark.

So, I don't know whether
Jessica is going to tell Lucy,

tell Mario, whatever, but--

- James, you are very stressed.

- [James] I know, I am stressed.

- Take a chill pill.

- [James] Alright, I will.

- Have a cup cake.

- Just tell me the truth, Lyd,

what happened with you
and Mark the other night?

- I was just getting
upset because I felt like

me and you were taking
ten steps backwards.

- Constantly, constantly,
you are digging at Mark.

- Because I don't like him.

- Alright, you are digging at
Mark,

- [Lydia] I don't like him--

- You are putting him down--

- No.

- Bullying, bullying is not
just about being a physical

bully or whatever, you're
at the moment you are--

- [Lydia] You think I am
bullying Mark?

- At the moment..

- I am sick of arguing about
Mark, okay.

- So am I.

- I don't wanna hear about him,

don't want to hear his
bullshit--

- Listen, if you had respect for
me--

- I don't have respect for
you. I don't like, go away.

- Alright, if you have respect
for me

and you love me the way
you tell me everyday,

then you would make the effort
to get on with my best friend

and say sorry, and have a kiss
and a cuddle and be civil,

but you haven't done that, have
you?

- James, James, James,
can I say something?

- Can you go away now please?

- No, no, Lydia, stop it, stop.

- Why, this is our argument,
mum?

- But stop it--

- If I want to tell him to go
away

and I don't want to talk
to him, I can do that.

- Can I just say, before he came
in,

me and you had a decent
conversation about Mark

and your relationship and I
said to her if you want to stay

with James you have to accept
Mark.

If you don't want to accept
that then walk away Lydia.

And your argument was then no,
I don't want to lose James,

- But, I'm not

- I love him.

- Yeah, but I am not having
him talking to me like that,

are you kidding me?

I will accept Mark.

I am not having you walk in like
that

and sticking up for Mark, okay.

You always, always push--

- Yeah I stick up for you.

- And I don't care anymore,
okay.

I am not being with someone
like you, I am ashamed, go away,

leave me alone.

Seriously go away and leave me
alone.

I want you to get out of my shop
now.

- The truth hurts sometimes.

- Go away.

Yeah, the truth hurts.
- [James] See ya later.

- Oh, the truth hurts
because I am a bully.

- Lydia!

- [Lydia] Shut up!

♪ Here you go, way too
fast [engine roars] ♪

♪ Don't slow down, you're gonna
crash ♪

♪ You should watch, watch your
step ♪

- Are you alright?

- No, I'm shit at this.

- Please don't be nervous Harry,

learning to drive the
car is like giving birth.

It's something you've all go to
experience

in your life, alright?

- I ain't gotta.

[laughing]

- Right, put down on the clutch.

Ready?

- Yeah.

- Go.

Right

- What the fuck?

- Okay, deep breaths.

Start the car again.

Into first gear.

Perfect, this is perfect.

- [sighs]

- Both hands on the wheel Harry,

stopping touching your hair.

- Why is there a cat in the
road?

- Cats from time to time
will walk out in the road.

- [hissing]

- Is this your first lesson
Harry?

- No this is my sixth.

- Concentrate, concentrate,
Harry [screams].

That's it, alright, watch the
curbs Harry,

watch the curbs, all right.

Freakin' hell you're
gonna make me wet myself.

Clutch and brake, clutch and
brake,

clutch and brake, clutch and
brake.

- I'm braking.

- I need to stress the
importance of braking to you,

'cause you can't, clutch

and brake.

And...

It's clutch and brake.

Clutch and brake, clutch
and brake [engine groans]

Right.

- What the fuck?

Let's start again.

- I 100% believe Lucy.

- Good.

- Erm, I mean the facts are
there for everyone to see.

- So what is the one thing that

he can say to you to wind you
up?

- I've slept with your bird.

- Exactly.

- You see the modern man
thinks it's cool to go around

and sleep with loads of women,

and obviously treat women like
doormats.

- But you look stupid
saying all that Mario.

- For instance, if I turned
round to you and said to you,

right, Giorgina I need you to
lie for me,

as your brother I am asking
you to do this for me,

would you do it?

- Of course.

- Exactly, that's my point.

- So you are both still moving
in together and everything--

- Yeah, everything is fine,
like, you know, obviously.

To buy an apartment for someone
like,

you know 'cos I was never gonna
do that,

you know, that wasn't in my plan

and that hasn't been in my plan
for ages.

I didn't want to do that until
next year.

But, you know, it felt right,
obviously.

I have a single bed and stuff,

and mum walks in every
single time we have sex.

- [laughing]

- Uh.

- I don't need to know this
stuff, I am your sister.

- Yeah, I know, but yeah, she
does.

- How are you actually feeling
about it?

Like forget Mark, forget Lucy,

like as you, as my brother,
how are you feeling about it?

- I am still feeling a
little bit down about it all.

I mean it has just literally
been

like the hardest fucking week of
my life.

I mean, I have never been
in this situation before,

where, obviously,

I am trying to believe my
girlfriend,

obviously trusting my
girlfriend,

but then when you've got
everyone else in your ear

giving their opinions, it's
obviously hard to not...

- Aw, give me a cuddle.

- [Lydia] Luce?

- Lyds I'm up here.

- Got you a cup of tea, no
sugar.

- [Lydia] You okay, anyway?

- Yeah I'm fine.

- [Lydia] How's it been?

- Oh it's all complicated.

- So much drama and commotion
going on at the moment.

- I know.

- I just feel so down
and shit at the moment,

'cause today I'm standing in the
shop,

James walks in, just
absolutely crucified me.

- Sayin' what?

- I'm a bully to Mark, um--

- Wait, wait, okay just
let me get this straight--

- Apparently I'm a bully--

- You're a size six, five foot
five, girl,

and you are bullying a man?

- Yeah.

Apparently I'm a bully.

I just felt sick, and so
upset how somebody could,

call me that and not even
ask for my side of the story.

And just be so brainwashed.

I can't be with someone
that can't put me first.

- [Lucy] So how are you now?

- I'm just frustrated,

I just said that I needed space
away from him at the moment.

Another thing is that,

Mark is going to prove that
it did happen between you.

- I know, I know what
he is doing, I know it.

I can read him now, I can read
him now, Lydia, like a book.

I don't give a shit.

I'm sorry, if this is not
intentionally trying to break

me and Mario up, I don't know
what is.

- I'd never dive in or ask
you or anything like that

if it is true or if it isn't
true,

because I just think you and
Mario, you two deal with it,

and everyone else just not get
involved.

- Even Mark must see how happy I
am,

can't he just stay out of it?

[atmospheric rock music]

- You ain't cleaning up, are ya?

- What?

- What are you doing?

- I am just cleaning
up my new house, mate.

What's happening?

- I've bought you a present.

Do you want it?

There you go, safety first and
all that.

- [Laughing] You are such a
dickhead.

- These were too small for
me, so I just give 'em to you.

- Oh really?

- Look we've got here, it's the
real feel.

They're thinner.

- The real feel, extra
safe, that's for you--

- Extra safe [mumbles]--

- Use 'em later, can't we?

What you been up to?

- Nothing, I just, ah, bloody,

the first time ever I had a girl
come,

in ages had a girl try it on me.

- Shut up!

- Yeah, I was filling up with
petrol

and she was there with her big
arse car,

like a big Range Rover.

- And what did you say?

- She mugged off my car,

she said you coulda got a
better,

she said you should've got a red
one.

But I felt like saying, like,
I've got a big cock anyway,

I don't need a red car, do I?

- Yeah but, she's just saying
[mumbles]--

- Is that flirting then if
she's come up and spoke?

- Yeah, obviously

- I told her to bring her mate
tonight to the Karaoke Party,

so it's gonna be two girls and
two boys.

- So what do you reckon, sort?

- No, she's alright,
she's pretty, ain't she?

But her mate could be prettier.

- [laughing]

- No, I'm single, aint I?

- What you talking about?

- She's a good eight, nine,
so if her friend comes

and she's a ten, I gotta take
her.

- Shut up, you doughnut.

- So fill me in on the latest
with Mick.

- Oh my god, where do I start?

- Do you think it is an odd
match,

if I was to go out with
your ex boyfriend's dad

would you not find that
a little bit weird.

- Yeah, but Mick's not like a
dad is he?

He's like, a geezer.

- But he is a dad, he's Kirk's
dad--

- Do you think he's fit though?

- Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

- So would you, if you didn't
know Kirk?

- I don't see Mick in that
way, so I'd have to say "no."

- Oh.

- To me, Mick is Kirk's dad.

Like to see you and Mick kiss,

I'd probably find that really
weird,

and probably a little bit
uncomfortable.

- Do you know what, the only
person that's got any right

to say anything about
me and Mick, is Kirk.

[slow funk music]

- What have you been up to?

- I have been on a mission
today.

- Have you?

- Got hit on by a girl
at the petrol station.

- Did yer?

- Told her to come to
Sugarhut tonight, so.

- Good, I'm glad you come
in for a chat anyway.

- Well, what is it?

One of them father and son
chats?

- Well, I think it is
a father and son chat,

to be honest with you, mate.

Because, I don't think we've
really had

a father and son chat, have we,
really?

I just think, you know, maybe
there's been

bits missing out of our life
where,

when you was growing up,

I wasn't around as much
as I should have been.

And, so it's always been
a bit hard for me really,

to see where I'm going wrong and
where,

where we don't really get on.

- It feels weird, yeah.

I don't know, I just feel like

I miss sort of me father
and son time with you,

do you know what I mean?

- I wasn't there enough
for you growing up, so,

but all I want to say to you
is that I'm here for you now.

- Oh, I know.

- You know, I will be here for
you, I want to do the things

that we didn't do, that we still
can do.

- Yeah, I'd just like
to be a kid with my dad.

- I'm quite a hard person.

And I really, it's difficult

for me to show my emotions and
that

It's not, I'm not just
like making an excuse,

it is difficult for me.

- Yeah, oh, definitely, I know.

- And it doesn't mean
that I don't love you

and I don't want you to be, you
know,

around me and all that.

I just put this hard
exterior on sometimes.

- Oh, I know, I know you do.

- Any time you're going to
get upset with a situation,

let's not end up having
a shout match over it,

talk to me about it.

With women, which is something

that really seems to push your
buttons,

and that is the last thing I
need to do

is push your buttons and wind
you up all the time, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Unfortunately, for me, doing
what I do,

I am surrounded by women
from 20 years of age

to 35 years of age, right.

- I understand you're old,
you live a young lifestyle,

so the girls that you would go
for

are the ones that live that.

But I know what the girls are
after.

I see 'em all the time, girls in
the club

going for the older guys, the
sugar daddies or whatever.

I know you're not that stupid,

but I hate girls that
think you are that stupid.

Do you know what I mean?

I know, you are, to me,
the cleverest man I know,

and to see a girl try
and take advantage of my,

that's, fuck off,

I just want you to get
with the right person now.

- Yeah, but really, Kirk,

that's not for you to
decide whether it's right,

and I wouldn't make the decision
on you.

You know, with me whatever you
think,

you know, you might think
I'm out having a great time

and all that,

but every night I come home
to this house on me own,

live on me own--

- Oh, I understand, yeah.

- There's nothing.

- I understand.
- It's empty.

I'm glad we've had this chat
though.

- Thank you.

This is what, this is
what to me a dad does.

What do we do, hug it
out, shake hands or what?

- We might hug it out.

- Alright, come on, hug it out.

That's a dad's hug, isn't it?

- That's a proper man's hug,
isn't it.

- See you later, I am gonna do
this--

- [Mick] I'll wash up.

- You can wash up.

[dance music]

- [Kirk] Alright?

- [crowd cheers]

Thank you everyone for
coming to my Karaoke party.

Everyone give a big cheer.

- [crowd cheers loudly]

I'm like proper shitting myself
as it is.

I love you too, Joey Essex.

If everyone can click their
fingers, slap heir hands,

give a little wooya, we are
gonna try.

- You know what I think
about Maria and Mick,

I think it's more of an
attraction thing,

more of a fling than
true love, relationship--

- It's not love.

- It's definitely a bit of fun--

- I don't think it's love--

- It's lust, it's more lust.

- Lust, 100% lust, that's
the right word Bill.

- What about her leaving
club with a footballer?

- Yeah, but thing is, like,

she's too young for him in all
fairness.

- She's definitely like
the young hot chick.

And he's like the old man that
loves it.

- It's almost like Hugh
Hefner and he's a hot playboy.

- At the end of the day they're
like not gonna get married,

that's just silly talk.

- If they get married, I'll
shave my head.

[laughing]

- Here are, that's the girl
from the petrol station.

Alright?

Talk to them because
I get nervous, please.

- Why do you get nervous for?

- I don't know.

Hello, how you doing?

- You alright, how are you,
yeah, good.

- Sit down girls.

- Hello.

- Hello, you alright?

- Do you want to get in there.

- You look lovely girls.

- Thank you and you.

- So you too saw each other
at the petrol station then?

- [Kirk] We did, but yeah,
it was weird, wasn't it?

- We had a brief meeting, didn't
we?

- Who was flirting with who, by
the way?

- I heard you were flirting with
her.

- Well, I was checking you out.

But you come and spoke
to me so I was like,

I ain't had a girl flirt with me
for ages.

- [Billie] I am polite.

- Yeah, I know.

- I am the sort of girl
that would say hello.

- If there was anyone
else at the petrol garage,

would you have come over
and say hello to them?

- There was only you
there, lucky it was you.

[group laughing]

- Joey and Kirk are talking
to two old ladies over there.

- Two old ladies.

- Are they old Ladies?

- Sam and Billie and
Chloe just looked over.

- Oh shit, haha, you just got
caught.

You ain't not done anything
wrong have ya.

- Are you not allowed
to talk to anyone then?

- Na, she is a div.

- Are you under the thumb, Joe?

- No mate, I'm not with her no
more.

- No, you single now?

- Yeah.

- Single and ready to
mingle you said earlier.

- [Joey] Yeah, single and
ready to mingle, mate.

- Girls, I've been very
rude, do you want a drink?

- [Billie] Yes, please

- What would you like?

- I'll have a vodka tonic,
please?

- [Kirk] Vodka tonic, what do
you want?

- Yeah, vodka and lemonade,
please.

- Vodka lemonade.

Are you going to come with me
and help me while these talk?

- Yeah I am.

- see you in a minute girls,
Ooh, I just kicked that table.

- What do you think of him?

- [Billie] He's nice.

- [Cara] I like him he is
cheeky.

I think he is nice
looking, he's a bit cheeky.

- I like how he is quite
forward.

You know, maybe I'll put him in
his place.

- They keep looking over.

- Yeah

- [Kirk] They're fit, ain't
they?

- Mate, they are Reem,
that's Cara's a sort, mate.

- Yeah, right, flip a
coin, heads you get Cara,

tails I get Billie, yeah.

- Mate, Cara is mine.

- Right, heads you get Cara.

Heads you get Cara.

That's it, we are gonna
go over there, yeah.

Where we gonna take 'em?

- I wanna take them somewhere
like fishing

or something like that.

- Fishing?

- Fishing mate, mate think about
it,

two tents, me and Cara, you and
Billie.

- Ah cuddles and that.

- What are you saying?

- What are you saying?

- What are you saying?

- Oh, are you cold, do you want
a cuddle?

I have caught a fish.

- And I've got, do you know what

I've got one of those heaters,
yeah, we can cook there.

- An oven.

- I can even cook eggs for them
and shit.

- Thanks.

- I came over to see you,

because like worrying
about all this, you know,

drama that is going on.

- Yeah, that's why I am not
coming

to the karaoke thing really,

because I just wanna
stay out of people's way.

People are like, you know,
you have got Lucy and Mario,

obviously, they have got the
hump with me

because of what's has
happened, but they provoked it,

you know Mario giving me jip.

Lydia has just got herself
involved

and she don't really need to.

If it comes to the point where
Mario

is calling me a liar and he
asks, you know, is it true,

I will show him the text to
prove it.

But I'd rather forget about it
now,

because they're not
even going to split up,

so what is the point in even
proving it.

- I can see where she is coming
from,

because I don't think
it's the sort of thing

that I would actually own up to.

- But she knows it's going to
come out,

and at the end of the day
he deserves the honesty.

But you know what, mum,

I've been missing like girlie
company.

But I ain't looking for a
girlfriend.

- Sometimes, you need,
as I have always said,

you need a friend as well
as a lover in this life.

- Yeah, exactly, and that's,

with Lauren I was never her
friend,

but we loved each other to bits,

but that is all I'm missing
really,

just being able to sit here,
watch a DVD,

have a laugh with a girl.

You know, I love Arg to
bits, he's my bestest friend,

but it just becomes,

sometimes you want some
girl company, you know.

- Yeah.

- You alright?

- Alright, I didn't
realise you were coming.

- You alright?

- Fish lips.

[laughing]

- How is the Karaoke, is it
good?

- Wicked, brilliant night,
but the most amazing

is like we're just glad that
youse two are back together,

and we want it to blossom
into something very special.

- A little birdie tells me,
listen,

a little birdie tells me
you two are moving in.

- Yeah.

- We are.

- [group cheers] Ah.

- [Mario] It should be
good, hopefully in a month.

- What's up, Lucy?

- I just feel a bit awkward.

- It's a bit tense, innit but--

- It is a bit strange.

- A bit of tension, but that
will go in time, won't it.

- [Lucy] Am I red?
- No.

- I feel really hot.

- You're brown, but you're
always brown [laughing].

- [Joey] Who asked for a vodka
tonic?

- Me.

- Oh, there you go.

- Ah, great memory.

- [Kirk] Cheers girls by the
way.

- [girl's together] Cheers.

- Cheers.

- What was youse talking about?

I'm sure you was talking about
us.

- Just that youse are
pretty-pretty.

- Talking about how cool you
was.

- What do you do in
your spare time, girls?

- Bikram yoga, can you touch
your toes?

- Yeah, look.

- Stand up and see if
you can touch your toes.

- No, I won't be able to do
that.

- Try.

- I can do that.

- [Cara] Of course you can do
that.

- I can do it

- [makes farting sound]

- Joey, I wouldn't in them
tight jeans, you might rip them.

- So what is different to
this yoga than normal yoga?

Is this like the Karma Sutra, is
it?

- Well, it's hot and sweaty,
so that's a start, I suppose.

But you have to wear Speedos.

- [Joey] Who says you
have to wear Speedos?

- Me, I'm the teacher.

[laughing]

- Is that going to be a first
date?

- Is that a date?

- [Billie] What coming to my
yoga class?

- Yeah.

- I dunno if I'd call that a
date.

- Not, really innit,

what are we going to do for a
date, girls?

- Maybe you can come yoga
and go on a date after.

- Straight after.

- Where's the double date going
to be?

- No, maybe not straight after.

- Are we double dating?

- Yeah.

[girls laughing]

- So where we gonna go on a date
then?

- We're going fishing or
something.

- Fishing, I'll do fishing.

- Are we going to camp?

It's too cold.

- No, no, I'll warm you up.

- You alright, Arg?

- You alright mate?

- Is it alright to have
a quick word with you?

- Yeah, go on, mate.

- Can I sit down?

- Yeah, course, yeah.

- I just wanted to uh,
clear the air, mate.

I don't want there, to be
like, a tension between us.

- You know, I appreciate you
coming over,

it is good of you to
do that and, you know,

it shows a lot of respect.

But, you know, it is hard for me

because Mark is my best friend.

You know, we'd all had a
few drinks and, you know,

Mark did have his outburst,
and I genuinely don't think

Mark wanted you and Lucy to
break up.

[suspenseful electronic music
plays]

- [Mario] So we are going
to move on from this,

we will be happy, that's
all that matters to me.

Maybe one day once this
has all blown over,

we'll go out again, properly.

I just wanted to come
over and sort things out.

- [Arg] No, you know what,

I really appreciate you doing
that.

That was good of you, Mario.

- Have a good night,
see you soon, alright.

- Same to you mate, I'll
speak to you soon, yeah.

[suspenseful music builds]

- [Narrator] Next time
on The Only Way is Essex.

Will the latest row be
the icing on the cake

for Arg and Lydia?

- I'm not being with someone
like you,

I'm ashamed go away, leave me
alone.

[Narrator] Will Kirk and Joey
fall hook,

line and sinker on their double
date?

- So where we gonna go on a date
then?

- Fishing or something.

- It's too cold.

- I'll warm you up.

[Narrator] Who knows,
these people are real

and anything can happen on
'The Only Way Is Essex'.

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[percussive electronic music]