All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E06.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

fake bums and very short shorts.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real,

although some of what they do

has been set up purely
for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is

- I was with Mark earlier but I
feel

like I should go see him,
I owe it to him yeah?

- He's scratching his
undercarriage with a credit
card.

[women screaming in disgust]

- Are you for real?

- I slept with your misses three
week ago.

[dramatic music]

[techno music]

- Don't hate the player, hate
the game.

[scoffs]

- Hi.

- This is how you do it son.

Tiger Woods eat your heart out.

- [James] Can you believe
what happened last night?

- I meant the shot you div, are
you thick?

- I know, but I can't get it off
my head

- Mad weren't it?

If you ask me, they've come in,

Lydia's probably got a
right to have a go at you

because of the way it looked.

But I don't know where
Mario was piping up from.

- I can't believe he
called us Dumb and Dumber.

I've got eight GCSE's.

- He's came in there tryna
to mug me off my game.

Oh apparently you can have
Lucy like that can't ya?

And basically the only answer is
to say

mate, I can, 'cause I did.

- It's not like you went out of
your way,

did it out of spite,

you wasn't even gonna tell
Mario but I think, you know,

we all had a few drinks, she
was caught up in the moment.

- She might have come onto me,
I don't know what happened,

you know she was all, "
Oh I've got this Mario boy

"blah, blah, blah, I don't
think it's gonna work.

"He likes me more than
I like him and all that,

"so I don't know if I'm gonna
stay with him for long."

So the end of the day, she's
telling me

she don't even wanna be with
this geezer.

But the truth always comes out
in the end.

[clink]

Get a hold of that,
straight down the field.

- Not bad.

- I don't really know where to
start.

- [Lucy] Me neither.

- [Mario] Is there any
truth in what Mark said?

- You know there's not Mario.

- Well I don't know that though,
do I?

- I'm telling you it's not.

- Yeah, but you didn't say
anything--

- I know I didn't, I know Mario.

Honestly to God, I regret
more then anything,

not standing there and like
standing up for myself.

It was embarrassing.

I just felt a bit humiliated

when all of that was going on.

- [Mario] Why do you
care what he has to say?

- No, I just felt humiliated.

I know I bolted up, and
I regret it I really do.

I wish I'd stood there and gone

you're a lying little prick.

- Yeah, but instead
with you saying nothing

it made it look like what he was
saying

look like it was true,

because you just looked like
you had no response to it.

I just, dunno, literally I want
Mark

to be in the past and us to have
a future.

- He is in the past, he is in
the past.

I want to be with you, that's it
end of.

I don't even want to speak
about this boy ever again.

- So you've got no feelings
for him anymore whatsoever?

- I've got nothing, there is
nothing there, it is cold.

He just makes me feel sick.

You know full well, 3
weeks ago I would not

have slept with Mark
Wright, you know that.

- Well, fortunately for
you, I do believe you.

What I said about the
break, I didn't mean it.

It was just a spur of the moment
thing,

I don't want to take a break
with you,

I'm not that sort of
person I don't do breaks.

I'll either break up
with someone completely,

or I'm with them, I wanna be
with you.

To clarify that, you're
not just my girlfriend,

you're my best friend as well,

so I'm gonna look out for you.

- Yeah.

- From now on, I'm not gonna
tell you what to do, you know.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice and that will be
it,

and I mean that.
- Okay.

- Be careful Arg, drive
sensible, stop!

You can't go on the green, now
reverse.

Tell you what, I think

you can get a birdie from the
lake.

Get the game and chip out.

- It's gonna be a long,
long day for me mate.

- Why?

- I've already tried speaking to
Lydia,

she ain't answering my calls.

- To be fair you never done
nothing wrong.

- I've done enough God
damn wrong [laughing].

I can't deny, went out on a
double date

that she organised, and then

just absolutely just
douchebagged her,

and left to come and see you, as
usual.

- You've come to see me, being
a mate, and it looks bad,

but it was harmless, you know,

we weren't doing nothing wrong.

- But do you know what, Mark,

I think the big issue is that
she feels

that I love you more than I love
her.

- I like Lydia, yeah.

And at heart, deep down, I
absolutely love the girl.

But right now, I'm not getting
on with her

because she keeps digging me
out.

- At the end of the day, I think
she's

not showing me respect, Mark.

I think that she knows
you're my best friend,

there's no need for her to go
all out

like all out, you know what I
mean.

It's just [exhales],

she's just such a stubborn cow,
isn't she?

- All birds are the same, son.

Anyway, for the minute we're
playing golf,

a man's game, so you
stop talking about birds

and start talking about birdies,

cause that's what's about
to happen right now.

You gotta go get your ball son.

To be fair it didn't hit a reed,

so it can't be too far.

- This is bullshit.
- You better find it,

else you're never gonna
get to go see Lydia.

Get in there! [laughing]

- Fucking Gucci, this jumper,
you bastard!

- Is that cold? [laughing]

[clapping] Arg, Arg, man.

Arg, don't leave me hanging!

[hip hop music]

- [Joey] This is the
sort of shop I don't do.

- See, this is what you do.

This is what, when you get your
own house,

this is what you have to do.

You have to come to these sorts
of shops,

come once a month, see the
new gadgets and everything.

- Yeah, so I've found a place,
didn't I?

Yeah, it's so good mate,
it's got an upstairs.

It's got everything, but
it ain't got an oven.

- Are you gonna get an oven?
- Well no.

My sister said don't get one

'cause she said, it's dangerous.

- So you're gonna live on
microwave food and take-aways?

- Basically disgusting food.
- But this here.

- This could cook my chicken.

- This is a multi-functional,
contact grill.

You can even do like
asparagus and stuff like that.

You can cook a whole meal on
that.

- Asparagus? Is that broccoli?

- No, it's a long, long thing

with a little bud on the end of
it.

You know you've had asparagus
before?

- Yeah, it's good for you innit?

- Makes your piss stink though.

[both laughing]

Oh mate, I need to look
after you now, don't I,

now that you're out on your own.

- Yeah, [mumbles].

In my back garden there's a
little pool.

I'm gonna have a party soon,
I'll call it Zoo Project.

- What, a proper pool party?
- Proper pool party.

- Invite the birds?
- We're gonna get like,

we're gonna paint ourselves half
zebra,

I'm gonna be a zebra.

- Oh yeah, a beefer, yeah.

- Yeah, it's gonna be
sick mate, like a beefer.

- Girls can't wear clothes,

it's just a rule, innit?

- You gotta let 'em wear
at least knickers man.

- Knickers, yeah, they wear
knickers,

but no top on, innit?

- Yeah obviously, yeah.
- Yeah?

[laughing]

[Greek music]

- It's a bit of a shame Gemma's

down at the minute, don't you
think?

- She's the life and soul of
the party usually, isn't she?

I think she gets a tough
ride a lot of the time.

Maybe she needs someone else

to take her mind off,
you know what they say.

- Do you know what would suit
her

is probably a Greek bloke.

Tall, well usually
tall, dark and handsome,

but not all the time.

We could invite her to that
Greek night couldn't we?

- Do you think she'd be up for
that?

- Yeah, loads of dancing.

- Yeah, smashing plates.

Put Maria's face on them, she
won't

be smashing them for fun
[laughs].

[Greek music]

- Lyd.
- Oh my God [exhales]

- Sorry.

- I don't want to take them,
and they are disgusting.

- What do you mean they're
disgusting?

- I don't like carnations.

What are you wearing?
- It's a long story.

- Why have you got no style
whatsoever?

- Well I did until I
got pushed into a lake!

- Why did you get pushed into a
lake?

- It's a long story, I was
playing golf.

- Mark push you into that?
- What?

- Did Mark push you in
the lake, yes or no?

- No I went--

- Oh look it you're so
embarrassing.

- I'm sorry Lyd.

- I just think it's just
ridiculous Joey.

I'm so stressed out with
this shop as it is anyway,

and you're acting like an
absolute idiot, once again.

- I wasn't acting like an idiot,
I wasn't.

- How can you explain yourself?

- You did put me under pressure
going with

Lucy and Mario knowing the
situation between Mark.

- Why is that under pressure?

- Because Mark didn't want me to
go!

- But what, you have to ask his
permission

if you can be friends with other
people?

- No, all I know is I
made the effort, I did go.

I thought it wouldn't be a big
issue

if I went and saw Mark after.

- Right, so who's his bitch?
You.

- No, I've been there--
- You're his bitch.

- Mark's my best friend--

Yes, Mark, oh yeah, you're
beautiful Mark.

Oh Mark, you're such a dog, oh
yeah.

- Never say that--

- You're the only prick in
Eessex

that will stand there and do it
to him.

I'm not going exactly back to
what it was.

- Alright, we won't, calm down--

- We went 10 steps forward
again.

We're back to way where we were.

And what, you're going 10 steps
back.

I'm crying because I'm so angry
with you.

- I know, calm down, I'm sorry
alright.

- Listen, look, these shorts
mate,

these pull so many girls.

These shorts are reem, mate.

- Do you think this will get
me a girlfriend then Joe?

- Yeah.
- Or a boyfriend?

- Cos the girls look at us and
think,

oh my God, what are they
wearing?

And then they think, actually

I might go and speak to them.

And then they come over and
speak to us.

- They won't.
- They do, trust me mate.

- I want to get a
girlfriend, not a boyfriend.

- Mate, these pull so many
birds, left, right and centre.

Basically, look, these are
vintage yeah.

These are from like the '90s,

these are from like years ago.

- What do you mean, vintage?

They are someone else's.

- These are like well vintage
'cause look,

'cause look at that string,
look how dirty it is.

They've been worn.

- I don't know how to stand

either in these, how do you
stand?

- Just like this.
- Arch your back more.

What if I start chatting up a
girl

and I start getting an erection?

- You know what, I'm gonna
come to Sugahut in these shorts

and see how many girls I pull.

- That's if I let you in with
them.

[both laughing]

- You, are not, ever, doing
something

like that to me, ever again,
okay?

- Alright, I won't, I
would never do that anyway.

- You have one more chance.

Carrying on sticking up for
Mark, okay.

- Deep down, you and me both
know Mark slept with Lucy

and it's hard to admit I'm
sorry, but it's the truth.

- I don't think its happened.

I'm taking my friend's word for
it.

- Okay.

- Mario believes it.
- Okay.

- Why are you saying it like
that?

- No, I'm saying okay, I'm
saying okay.

- Why are you saying it to me
like that?

- All I'm saying is, Lydia,
Mark's my best friend.

He's been my best friend for
years.

Why would he lie to me
and make it up, why?

[rock music]

[Maria laughing]

- What are you laughing at?
- You are such a twat.

- Have you been on a bike
before?

- No.
- You haven't?

Let's get this crash helmet

on you then, eh?

- What if you crash?
- I won't crash.

- Promise?

Least no one will see me,
when I've got this on.

- Down a bit, there you go.

You've got a bigger head than
me.

- I've got a massive head.

- Just pull that string down.

You pull that as tight
as you want to pull it.

On you get.
- There's no seat belt?

- You don't need a seat
belt, hang onto me.

[Maria screeches]
Hold tight now.

[motorcycle revving]

- [Chloe] These brushes moult,
by the way.

- [Frankie] What ones
are they, your new ones?

- Yeah, every time I do my
make-up

I end up with fur down my face.

- Anyway, so why am I here?

- I just need to talk
to you about something

that I'm going to do, I've
decided to do.

- About what?

- Um, I've decided to have my
bum done.

- [laughing] Shut up.

- Yeah, like either bum
implants or like something done.

I need to have my bum sorted
out.

I know you can have actual
implants put in

where they cut the muscles,
put the implants in,

and then sew the muscles around
it.

- Ohhh, so you couldn't go
cinema,

that would be well
uncomfortable.

- Right, you tell me what you
think

it looks like at the
moment, honest opinion.

- Right.

- What do you think of it at the
moment?

Like, if you just look
at it would you think

she got a good bottom,
flat bottom, granny bottom.

What would you think?

- But I know your bottom.

So I know you've got flat
bottom.

- Well, I must have the
flattest ass in Essex.

Because look, I've got these bad
boys on.

- [laughing] Oh my God, but
that's

why it looks flat though.

You can take these out, look how
flat

my bum is then in real life.
massive agg!

- Oh my God, you've got chicken
fillets

in your ass, they're so clever.

- Yeah.

After I've got my new bottom,

I'm not gonna have any more
surgery.

I'll be really happy when it's
all done

and the pains over and
then I can think right.

Boobs, bum, teeth, sorted.

- Reem.
- Reem.

- Peri.
- Oh, hello Sam.

- Hello, how've you been?

- Not bad, not bad, just
working all the time.

I like your hair.

- Oh, I've gone darker.
- I like it.

- But do you know what,
I've had mixed comments.

Some people like it, some
people really don't like it.

- So what have you been
up to, have you been out?

- Do you know what,
I've been working a lot.

I think that's all us
girls do in Essex is work.

What have you been up to
then, got a boyfriend?

- No.
- No, you're single?

- No, I'm single.

Do you know what, the last
person I saw was Mario.

- [gasps] You went out with
Mario?

- Did Billie not tell you?
- Oh, my God, no.

- I didn't go out with him,

I went on a couple of dates with
him.

- When did you break up with
him?

- Literally, 2 weeks before
Marbella.

- [gasps] Wait, so basically,

he had just got with Lucy then?

- Yeah.

- Does Lucy know that
you went out with Mario?

- I don't know, maybe.

And then when I heard they was
together,

I was like really like,
that's really weird.

Because 2 weeks ago, you said
that she

wasn't your type and you had no
interest.

So I wonder what his motives are
there.

Maybe he wants to be the
new big-boy in Essex.

- [gasps] Gossip.

- Have you heard from Mark?

- Not really, he rings
me and that occasionally.

- Do you not think that he wants

to try and get you back?

- He says he likes me.
- But do you like him?

- I do like him.

To be honest, I think that
really Mark

needs to clear his head and
stuff

'cause when I've spoken to him
recently,

he's like oh, you know, like,

I really like you and stuff,

me and you have never given it a
go

and things like that, which is
true.

- You've just got to be careful.

- Yeah, I don't know.

[soft piano music]

- Hello, how are you?

- I'm alright thank you, you?

- Yeah, you getting your hair
done?

- Yeah, I'm going back blonde,
Frank,

I can't take the darkness
anymore.

- Really?

- I've hit a massive brick
wall with like my dieting.

And it's making me really
unhappy.

I'm so fed up, I just feel like
so down.

'Cause you lost weight didn't
you,

you was quite big before
and you lost weight?

- I used to weigh 12 stone,
when I was like 15, 16.

And then I started a milkshake
diet, and I lost 3 stone.

But I lost it really quickly,
Gem.

- No one understands it
unless you been through it.

So it's like great to
be able to talk to you

'cos I just think like this
whole body image thing,

I was never ever conscious about
myself.

I felt sexy, I would have
strutted along

Brentwood high street
in a bikini and heels.

[laughter]

Alright, I was overweight,
but I loved my food.

I loved going out.

- But have you always been that
big?

- I was never fat.
- What size?

- I never had a weight problem.

I was like a size 12, 14.

- So how did you get big then?

- I went through a break up,
and--

- How long was you with him?
= For five years.

And then, 'cause everyone
around here sees me

as being a really strong person,

and I can cope with
everything, and, I can't.

- So, do you reckon it
was more the break up

what made you put on weight?

It was like more comfort food.

Don't, you're gonna make me cry.

You need to be who you want to
be.

Changing your hair colour
ain't gonna change you.

You need to seriously look at
yourself,

what do you really want?

- I'm just really
struggling losing weight.

I had a barbecue the other day
and I was

too scared to eat a burger
in front of everyone.

And I went upstairs, and
I cried, and I thought

this is just a nightmare.

You know, if I want to
eat a bloody burger,

I should be able to eat one
[laughs]

without feeling all this guilt.

- You're eating a burger so
I'm eating a fucking burger.

- I know.
- Cause I'm eating a burger,

how about that.

[techno music]

- All right, Joe?
- Hi Chole.

You all right?
- Settling in.

- What's going on?

- Nothing, what's up with you?

- Why was you looking in that
mirror

for about 10 minutes?

- [laughing] I was checking my
bottom out.

- Why?
- Cause you know

I'm thinking about, well
I'm gonna have my bum done.

- That's so weird!
- It's not weird, Joe.

Know that people on the telly

have got really good asses?

Mines been flat and done.

- What so it's like a boob job

but it's not, it's a bum job.

- If I want's to look
young, have perfect boobs,

have perfect bum have perfect
face,

it's the pressure, it's the
pressure

of Essex, I'm telling ya.

I'm nearly 30, not married, not
engaged,

not nothing, no bottom.

I think my new bottoms
gonna get me a new man.

[both laughing]

He won't be able to resist it.

- Well, no, so this morning with
Kirk,

we went and bought a grill,
like a grill machine thing.

It's basically like an oven, but
it ain't.

[both laughing]

- Trust you to go get
a flat, with no oven.

- Well we're gonna go out
tonight I think

on the pool we're gonna
try pull some girls.

- So is this like a bromance
now, with you and Kirk?

- Yeah we call ourselves Jirk.

Seen Jirk, question mark?

[both laughing]

- We need a good night out, Gem,

we need to go out and
just forget about weight.

- Well, the twins text me
earlier.

- Oh yeah.
- The Greek boys.

- They're Greek?
- Yeah.

- Shut up, I never knew they was
Greek.

- Yeah, it's so obvious.

- Oh, I don't really look
at people like that though.

I just thought they was the
twins.

- They're having a Greek party
later.

- Are they?
- Do you fancy it?

- Yeah, of course, where
they smash all the plates?

- Yeah, I'm gonna smash some
plates to get my emotions out.

- What are they called, them
nights?

The Greek nights are called
something?

- Haloumi nights?
- Yeah, definitely.

- Alright babe?

You're not looking too
impressed.

[Maria chuckling]

Just thought I'd bring you up to
the speed

with the culture of this side

of Essex with the old seafood.

What do you think of that?

- What is that, that looks like
teeth.

- You ain't looking
impressed, are ya, teeth?

- That looks like teeth.

- They're mussels, babe, try
one.

- No way.
- What do you mean no way?

I really would like you to have
a cockle.

Go on, try it, it won't
poison you, will it?

- It look absolutely
disgusting--

- Go on, just try it.
- No, it look like phlegm.

- Just try it, please, try it.

I promise you it won't poison
you.

There we go. [laughing]

Was that it?

What about oysters, do you like
oysters?

- No, I like chips.
- Oh my God.

You're not impressed
with this date are you?

Was you expecting me to take ya

to the West End or something
like that?

- No, it's nice.
- It is nice?

- I'm really enjoying it.
- Really?

- I swear, I swear on my life
I'm enjoying it, thank you.

- Maybe no-one has ever showed
you

a good time like this before.

- Well, no, this makes it
better then going for dinner.

'Cause you've thought about it.

- And we've ended up at Leigh on
Sea.

- Do you bring all your girls
here?

- No, I'm too busy for all that
stuff.

It's what makes it very
special me being here with you.

Well, I think you're a
special sort of lady.

- Am I?
- Yeah.

- Ahh, no you're really sweet.

- Am I?
- I appreciate it.

[Greek music]

- I hope I look all right, my
bum implants

are getting on my nerves a bit.

- [laughs] I can't believe
you're wearing them.

- Hi boys!
- All right girls, come in!

[all cheering]
[Greek music]

- Oh, thanks for bringing
us out tonight guys,

to like let us into your world
and that.

- [All] Yamas!

- Ugh, that's worse than
Sambuca.

- That's like furniture polish.

- So have you had these before?

- No, what I don't like
about it is the leaf.

It looks a little bit rotten.
- Right.

- And I don't like the inside of
it.

- You're pretty much
strewthing, aren't you?

- What's your perfect date?

- Pretty much what happened
today really.

Just like walking through
an old place like Leigh,

and I like looking at
old buildings anyway,

'cause I'm a bit boring like
that.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, no, I like
looking at architecture.

- Did you look at the buildings?

- Well no, I just like old
things.

- I like old things.

[romantic music]

- I think we deserve a
drink, don't we, Lyds.

All the stress we've been
through the past couple of days.

- Oh God.
- How are you, anyway?

- Oh, it's been a bit of a
tough day, but I'm alright now.

I had a chat with Mario this
morning about everything--

- What happened?

- It was horrible, I thought oh,

is he going to finish with
me completely or is he,

is he going to, do you know what
I mean?

I didn't know how he as going to
take it.

But he believed me and he
said I think Mark is lying.

And I would never ever
dream of cheating on Mario,

it was all, you know it was all
rubbish.

So how are you and Arg, have you
spoke?

- Well, he came in the shop
earlier.

And like I was just, ugh, I
was just so angry with him,

so I just laid into him.

He came in with like the
crappiest flowers ever.

I was just like surely,
you've been going out with me

for 3 and a half years, you
should know

I have got better taste than
that.

- Did he apologise?

- Yeah, he was like oh, I'm
really sorry,

it's just that I felt a bit bad
on Mark.

Anyway, Mark has not
ruined our relationship,

I'm not gonna let it happen,

yeah, we gotta stick together.

- So we've actually got a lot

of family here tonight as well.

At the end there you've got
George,

he's a bit of a dancer

so he'll be showing us some
moves later.

- Oh check out George, is he
single?

- George, are you single?
- Yeah.

- I don't know if I like his
hair,

it would all [speaking
in foreign language].

[all laughing]

As he's snogging you it's
all gonna be ragged, nah.

- If you get together
and you fall in love,

I'm sure he'll be able to
shave that one for you.

- Did you hear what happened
when you left the other night?

- No, what happened?

- Them 3 have walked in,
Lydia, Lucy and Mario.

- Oh god.

- Arg and is like look, I
ain't doing anything wrong,

yous lot just sit down and have
a drink.

And Mario was like I'm not
having a drink

with Dumb and Dumber, like piped
up.

- What? That's so rude.

- What is wrong with him?
- God knows, Nan.

So I sat there and I went
"what are you piping up for?"

He was like "You think you can
have Lucy

like this don't ya?"
- That is so rude.

- He's only just come onto the
scene?

Why is he doing all that?

- Yeah, probably wrongly of me,

a few weeks ago I went with her.

And now she's denied it and
apparently he's took it.

So now it's all springing back
on me like

"oh, hang on, is Mark making
this up?"

and that is one thing I
ain't gonna let happen.

You know 'cause she text you
saying

tell anyone that asks
I stayed in your flat.

- Well yeah, the night
she stayed at yours,

you know, she did ask me to make
out

that she stayed at mine,
but I'm not gonna lie.

- And that was all true,
that she did sleep,

that she did ask you to do that?

- Yeah.

- Look it takes two to Tango,

and that's what's happened,
isn't it?

[all laughing]

Course it has, she's as bad
as what he is, isn't she, so?

- You look like you've been
Tango'd in that dress, Nan.

[all laughing]

- In this occasion Jess, if
Mario asks ya,

you got to tell the truth.

- Well I've not lied all along

'cause I don't want to get
involved

and I don't want to lie to
anyone.

But you are my brother
and, at the end of the day,

I would obviously stick up
for you over any of them.

- There is no way I'm letting
her

tell people that I'm lying.

- Well, maybe you should just
message her I think, now,

and ask her to meet you.

And go through it with her.

If it's not Lauren,
it's Lucy, God, dramas.

[Greek music]
[clapping and cheering]

- Oh Franks, I have had
such a wicked time tonight.

I just feel like I totally
forgot all that

bloody dieting crap for one
night.

- No more tears, no more crying?

- No more crying!

Gemma is not crying anymore.

And I just want to say it was so
lovely

to talk to you in the
hairdresser's

'cause I knew you could like
feel my pain.

- Like, when I as big, I was
big.

And I wanted to be skinny,

I wanted to be the same as
everyone else.

So then I started to diet
and I lost weight quickly.

And everyone was like "oh my
God, Frankie you're so skinny".

But now, I've got all like sag.

If you loose weight quickly,
you ain't toning up,

so you've just got, I've got all
this skin

and that's why I wear all these

big knickers that suck me in.

So if I've got boyfriend, I'm
not happy

with my body in bed, I feel like
ugh.

And if they touch my belly
I think get off my belly,

don't touch my belly - I hate
it.

- Really?
- Hate it, I hate it.

- I've never done that, I'm like
yeah,

give it a little rub do
you know what I mean?

- Na, hate it, don't touch me.

- Do you want a boyfriend?

Are you at that time in your
life

where you want a boyfriend?

- I thinks it's always nice to
have,

you know, someone to cuddle.

- Cause you do a lot
for Joey and your dad,

don't you?
- Yeah.

- Like you've become the mum
of the house, haven't you?

The cooking the food--

- The mum, the wife, the sister.

- Do you know what though,
maybe you're not realising

all this beauty that you're
letting off

because I saw Dino
checking you out earlier.

He was proper looking you up and
down.

- He's like half my height.
- They are nice looking.

If only we could stretch their
legs and puff them up a bit.

You couldn't go to bed
with someone that short.

- No way, they'd got
lost in the bed covers.

- Yeah.
[both laughing]

- Na, I would like to live with
James,

and I do think that we will be
ready soon.

But I think he still needs

to get out of his puberty stage.

Like smelling and farting
and stuff all the time.

- "We need to meet ASAP.

"Trust me it's in your
interest."

- Is it from Mark?

- Fuck off.
- Oh my God,

Why would he say that?

- "It's in your interest",

why could it possibly be in my
interest.

- Well, what are you gonna do?

Are you gonna call him?
- Na.

- You're not gonna call him?

If you're not gonna meet him,
Lucy,

literally text him, I'm gonna
meet him.

I'm getting really angry,
seriously.

- You sure?
- Can you imagine?

- What text him, what and say
yeah

I'll meet him, but it will be
you here.

- Yeah, and it's not even
just for you and Mario, Lucy,

it's for me and James as well.

- He's gonna have a shock
when you walk in, Lyd.

- I'm probably gonna be the only
person

that ever stands up to him.

[clapping and cheering]

[plates shattering]

- Sod the bloody diet.

[plate shattering]
[cheering]

[Greek music]
[crowd cheering]

- What's your name?
- Gemma, how you doing Gemma?

- Really good, thank you, you?

- Yeah, good, good, good.

What do you think of the ol'
Greek night?

- I love it honey, I'm just
having such a good night.

- Have you tried the Metaxa?

- I love the brandy, is it
brandy?

- Yeah yeah, brandy, got have
a kick, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, if you've got a kick.

- Oh definitely, definitely.

You know what they say
about Greeks, innit?

- No.

- Once you go Greek, you
can't walk for a week.

[both laughing]

- Oh my God you've have
quite a lot of brandy.

- I have, I have, I have.

[glasses clinking]

- [Both] Cheers.

- Lots of love.
- Yeah, lots of love.

[suspenseful music]

- I know you expected Lucy to
come,

but she's already upset and
messed up

and thought that maybe I should
come down

and we should talk about things

'cause we've obviously got

a few things to talk about,
haven't we.

- Yeah, cool.

- So, I don't really know what's
going on.

But I just don't think I'm
willing to see

another one of my friends
really upset about you.

- Lyd, I don't want to
argue with you, yeah,

I've known you a long time, I
like ya,

I love you being with Arg.

The last thing in the world I
would want

is for you to end with Arg.

- So what was all that
about the other night then?

- The reason why I've asked her
to meet me

is because, truth is Lucy slept
with a boy

behind her boyfriend's back,
yeah.

- So you're telling me it's 100%
true?

- One million percent
true, I've got proof.

She's asked my sister to lie,

who will also admit it to Mario,

that she stayed at her
house instead of mine.

The matter of fact is, there's
no way

I'm going about people
thinking I'm a liar.

- Well, I don't know if it's
true or not and I don't,

I obviously, all I can take
is my friend's word for it.

- I didn't sleep with anyone
behind

my girlfriend's back, I was
single, right.

She's now let her boyfriend talk
to me

like I'm a bit of shit,
which isn't gonna happen

'cause I'm no mug, right.

Literally, talking down
to me in front of my pal,

right, and in front of
the rest of the bar.

So I'm gonna let that go
that people think that

"oh, Mark made up that
he slept with Lucy".

I don't need to brag
about sleeping with Lucy.

- Obviously, if it is true,

then it is, then it's not right.

- Do you think I need to lie
about

sleeping with a girl, be serious
Lyd.

- That's just really arrogant,
why would you say that?

- But it's true though.

Do you think I'm the
sort of person to just

make up a lie that I've
slept with a girl, seriously.

- Well, I don't want to,
I don't wanna talk about,

I don't want to say anything.

I don't, I came here to sort
out mine and yours differences.

Like obviously I came here
after being with Lucy,

so obviously I am kind
of involved in that.

But I feel like as soon as
you break up with a girl,

you expect James to be there
the whole time with you.

And I can't have that again.

I know that you are
quite a powerful person,

and you're quite authoritative
and you think that

you kind of talk people into
doing things.

- Lyd, Lyd, Lyd--

- And I don't want you taking
him

away from me like you did
before.

- Alright, cool, listen.

You need to be more confident
now,

I'm not gonna to take
Argent away from you.

He's not gonna dump you,
he's in love with you.

It's as simple as that, yeah.

I'm not gonna lead him astray.

I would never ever want
you two to split up.

I'm looking forward to the
day yous two get married:

I'm over the moon that you twos
are happy.

I would never let that happen,
right.

I don't like arguing with
people.

- You just don't like people
telling you the truth.

I just think you're quite
disrespectful with girls.

- But Lydia, Lyd, Lyd.

When I see people being,
not being treated nicely,

that really upsets me and I have
to

stand up for them because I feel

like I should fight people's
battles.

- I want to settle our
differences,

but it's just everytime we try
and do it,

it never seems to get
nowhere 'casue it just,

you've told me what you
think a thousand times,

I don't need to keep hearing it.

Unless you've got something
nice to say to me,

just don't talk to me.

- I won't talk to you then
'cause I haven't really

got anything nice to say about
you at all.

[up beat music]

- [Narrator] Next time on
"The Only Way Is Essex".

Will Arg put his
qualifications to good use?

- I can't believe he called
us dumber and dumber,

I have eight GCSE's.

- Will Chloe have the
best seat in the house?

- I've got these bad boys on.

- And will Kirk be caught short?

Who knows, these people are
real,

and anything can happen on
"The Only Way is Essex".

[up beat music]