All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E01.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

big watches and broken hearts.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what they do

has been set up purely
for you entertainment.

[upbeat electronic music]

[chill swing music]

- Way!

- Ahhh James!

Aw, James, stop it, oh my god!

- I won't be doing that
again anytime soon!

- Right, so welcome to my shop

- Bloody hell, Lyd, is lovely
isn't it.

- You liking it?

- I love it.

- So this, just envision it,

this is the cake area.

So it's gonna be like
birthday cakes here, cupcakes,

cookies, the lot.

- Free cakes for me all year
round?

- No, you are not coming in here
unless

you're under my supervision,
do you hear me mister?

And this is going to be the gift
area.

So it's gonna be little
trinkets and candles

and loads of cutesy little girly
things.

- Yeah.

- And this is where is all
happens,

on the till area bit.

- Ooh, I could kiss you all
over.

I'm so proud of you.

- Do you like it?

- I'm so proud.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You think it's going to be
good?

- Can't wait.

- Because I don't want
you just coming down

to eat all the cupcakes, all
right?

- Okay.

- Come down, clean the
windows, I need a lot of help

at the beginning, a lot of
support, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Lip gloss.

- James, What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Don't be coming down here
snogging,

trying to get hold of my
daughter.

If you wanna come down here at
all,

you come down to do a
bit of cleaning darling.

I have been in the back cleaning

and you two are canoodling
outside.

- I thought it was too good to
be true.

- Yeah, it is too good to be
true.

Mind you, you're looking good,
James.

- Thank you.

- You are looking good.

- He's lost some weight.
- How much have you lost now?

- About a stone.

- Honestly, you are looking more

like Dustin Hoffman everyday.

- A young Dustin Hoffman.

- You do look amazing.

- Your mother has always said
that.

- You do.

- A little bit of Dean Martin as
well.

- A little bit, just a little
bit.

[upbeat music]

- What do you think?

- Noisy, thought I could hear a
roar.

- Do you like it?

- I'm glad you went for
that and not the Lambo.

- Why, this is, this is the
best, aint it?

- Yeah, but the Lambo's a man's
car,

it's a bit hard to drive.

- This is a man's car!

- No, it's a hair dresser's car,
mate.

Everyone's got them here,
it's all over the place!

- I am over the moon
with what I have bought.

- How much you paid for it?

- About 70 grand.

- [Mick] Oh yah, about?

- 70 grand.

- You wanna tell me the truth.

- 74.

- [Mick] Oh really?

- Yeah.

- I thought you was into
property, mate?

- Well I am--

- You talk to me about buying
property,

next thing you're driving up,

aint a house ain't gonna
make you any money is it,

it's gonna lose you money.

- but I've worked hard so I
thought

I would buy myself something.

- Yeah, but all that come
afterwards

when you make a bit of money
out of doing other things.

- No, because I thought
when I'm going to view

the properties I want a
nice car to drive around in.

- And how do you think you
are going to get a deal

out of someone when you pull up
in that?

- Are you proud of me though?

- Yeah, I'm really
proud of you mate, yeah.

- No, are ya?

- Just drive it slow, mate.

- But are you proud of me,
can you tell me you are?

- A little bit--

- I have actually gone out
and bought me self a car.

- I am a little bit proud of
you.

[upbeat electronic music]

- So where did you get them from
then?

- Just from like, the vintage
shop.

They'll look much better trust
me.

- Don't they sell like vintage
jean shorts

that someone already done.

- I dunno.

- It's like them jeans
have been about for ages

and you just cut them up.

They're vintage.

That's like getting an
antique and then breaking it.

- It was, these were already
someones jeans weren't they?

- Joe, what do you think vintage
means?

- Like, it's new stuff,
but meant to look old.

- No, you go to a vintage
shop, it's all old originals.

Like they smell like mothballs
and stuff.

That pair nearly done now then?

- I still got to do the other
leg yet,

but, looking reem?

- I suppose so.

- What's going on anyway,
what are you doing today?

- Just pest control.

- Did you kill anything?

- I don't kill things.

- You just shoot, are
you like one of them.

- I just frighten them away,
I'm not a very good shot.

- Bozo, come here.

Come here, Mister.

Hello, how you doing?

- He's got a face as fat as you
now, Kirk!

- He looks like his name, don't
he?

Here Mister, do you like
his new collar I bought?

- Lovely mate.

- Didn't Lauren, you and Lauren

get the bling one, didn't ya?

- No she got the pink one, when
I got him.

- Has Lauren been to see him
yet?

- No, She wanted to see
him when we first broke up

and I said it would be awkward
at first.

- That's like having children
like in a relationship,

you never had children,

but it's the same thing with a
pet really.

- You can't compare a
dog to custody of a kid.

- I am not talking about
custody,

but at least you should let
her have look at the dog,

she loves the dog.

- No, I know, no, I am
not trying to be horrible,

but it's still upsetting to
see her and think about her.

- Yeah, but she doesn't wanna
see you.

She wants to see the dog.

As far as I'm concerned I
just think it's only fair

that if she asks you
should let her see him.

- Well she hasn't asked.

- Well, I think she has.

- She hasn't, I promise
ya she's not asked.

- Alright.

- Joey, the little trend setter,

he has got so grown up lately
ain't he?

- I know, Chlo, I don't
know where it has come from,

all of a sudden like he
is telling me what to do.

- I know and me.

He thinks he is like
the man now, don't he?

- Yeah, proper taken over.

- What's happening?

- Oh, my god.

- What are you saying?

- Where is the collar?

- Oh, my god.

- What are you talking
about, it's tucked in, look.

- Is that the look, tucked in
collar?

- It looks alright, don't it?

- Jo, you look like a
raving nutcase, honestly.

You are not coming out
with us dressed like that

you do know that don't ya?

Ever.

- You wouldn't be able to
get in anywhere like that.

I don't even reckon they'd
let you in the shop.

- What if I went to a night
club,

do you reckon I'll be
able to get in like this?

- No way.

- You wouldn't be able to get
pie and mash

dressed like that, I
think they'd be scared,

start chucking pies at your
head.

[laughing]

- Right, well, you girl clearly
don't know

what you are talking
about, so cheers united.

[laughing]

- Please.

- You know I've loved
having you guys move in.

It's been good, he is like
my litter Bozo replacement.

- We've loved you, ah good.

- Makes me miss Bozo though.

- I know, are you not seeing
him?

- I don't think Kirk will let
me.

- Why?

- I dunno, I do not know.

- That's so out of order.

- I know, Mick sends me
messages,

like with pictures and stuff,

so I get to see what he looks
like.

But it just makes me sad though.

- I dunno if that's worse.

- I know cos every time
I see him I'm like oh.

- I don't know if I'd want to
see or not,

but yeah, like Mark
always wants to see him,

and I'm just like, oh, I
don't know, I wouldn't mind,

but I just feel like it's hard,

like when you break up with
someone

and you've got like kids, dogs.

- Ties, Yeah, it's like custody
battles.

- Baby, my little--

- What you gonna do about his
name?

- I'm trying to think of names.

Sit still.

- Cause it is weird,
when you're like righty.

- Yeah I know, I don't be cool

and call him babsie don't I?

- He does need a new name.

- Wrongy?

[laughing]

- Perfect name.

- Mr. Wrong, not Mr. Right.

- What's happened to the ring?

I noticed you're not wearing it.

- Yeah, I've still got it

but just at home in a
little jewellery box so,

I don't really know.

What do you do with that,

like what do you do with
engagement rings?

- Sell them?

- Do you?

- I don't know.

- Am I gonna get much for it?

- I don't know, depends
on how much it was.

Do you think it is going to
be weird at Jess's party,

though, seeing Mark?

- Yeah, probably.

It is going to be a
bit strange for me just

because I have kind of distanced
myself

in the last few weeks.

But, you know, I am going to go

and just be sort of kinda
of polite to everyone

and just kinda keep myself to
myself.

- You are just like whatever,
I'm dealing with it!

It's done!

- Yeah, because it's a good
thing I think,

it is about us being strong,

do you know what I mean?

You don't need Kirk, I don't
need Mark.

I think we are a lot stronger
than boys.

To the girls.

[cheering]

- Mark?

- What's happening?

- What's the matter?

- Nothing

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Promise?

- Glad you asked.

- Go on, what's the matter?

- Nothing really.

- Go on, what's the matter?

- What do you think what's the
matter?

- Lauren.

- You know I'm upset about
things.

So obviously you know
what's the matter with me,

but I got more issues than that
as well.

- What?

[sighs]

- Mark, what's the matter?

- Nothing

- You sure?

- Where have you been?

- What?

- Where have you been?

- What do you mean where have I
been?

- Can you sit there

and tell me you have been
there for me in this break up?

- No, I haven't, not the
way I should have been.

I feel like I don't have the
right balance between you

and Lydia I suppose.

I'm either always with Lydia,

or I am always with you,

and I don't see Lydia
and then she gets upset.

I just feel like I have got
to get the balance right,

I haven't been doing that
recently.

- At the end of the day,

I think you should have
made that choice and said

"Lydia, right now Mark needs me

and I'm going to be there for
him."

When you were upset about Lydia

and you came back from Spain,

the first person you came to was
who?

- You.

- And what did I say to you?

I put my arms around you

and I told you I'd be here for
ya.

And I was, you ain't,
and I'm devastated Arg.

- Sorry Mark.

I promise you I will be there
for you now though, yeah,

and I won't let you down any
more, yeah?

- You know, sometimes I don't
blame you.

I might say yeah all right
you didn't understand

because they never break up,

so I'll sit here and say

"Oh yeah whatever, I'm fine

and I just wanna make
her jealous when I'm out

and cause deep down in my heart

whenever anyone says to me,

"Oh you'll be back together next
week."

I know I probably will be

but this time I'm moving on

and I've told ya that I'm
never going back ever.

And to say it kills me.

- Come on Mark,

come on mate.

- You are probably sitting here
thinking,

"Mark, what are you doing,
you are exaggerating."

but I am genuinely cut up to
pieces.

- No, I know.

- [Dino] How's that cleaning
coming along, George?

- Yeah, getting there,
mum's coming over soon,

so we have got to get a shifty
on.

- [Dino] Yeah, I know what she
is like.

Do you want a protein shake?

- I've bloody had four already
today.

- [Dino] Have ya?

- Yeah, can't you tell?

- No, no you definitely
need another one, feed the,

feed the swans.

- Fair enough.

- Fancy gyming it up later?

- Yeah hit the gym,
what you fancy training?

- Right well looking at your
legs,

I've seen more meat on a
sparrow.

- Whatever.

- [Dino] I've seen a pigeon
with a bigger chest than you.

- You might have the bulk,

but I have definitely got the
looks.

- Ah I dunno, I dunno,
respect your elders.

- What you playing the
eight minute card again?

- Look at me I am the original
article,

you are a cheap imitation
of the original product.

- You were the practise before
they got the perfection.

- Oi oi alright mate?

- Well nice!

- How you doing?

- Why haven't you told anyone?

- I tried to keep it under wraps
really.

So what do you think?

- Reem.

- It's 0-60 in like 4.1 seconds,

it's like 485 brake horse power.

- What do you mean horse power?

- You've got little horses
inside the back that turbo it.

- Really?

- No.

- Oh my god, like you know the
brake,

what are they called?

Brake lights?

We got the exact same ones.

- All cars have got brake
lights.

- No but like, yours are red

and mine are red.

- All lights are red.

- But they're both basically
the same car though really.

- Is it reem though J?

Would you give it the
reem stamp of approval?

- Yeah, definitely

- We gonna go out and
get a couple of girls?

Two seater.

- You haven't got a boot have
ya?

- Why would you put them in the
boot?

- Well, I dunno, where else
are you gonna put them?

- Boot's in the front.

Well, do you reckon you can
have two girls on your lap?

- Yeah, but it will hurt wont
it?

- Well, just don't an
erection until we get home.

[laughing]

- Today I woke up in a new light

and I just thought

I have got to stop getting
in bed at night on my own

and watching the Notebook,

driving along in the car
listening to Lady in Red.

At the moment I'm driving
along in the car like that.

and all the tears are falling
down.

I've gotta just move on from it

but I don't wanna think
about another girl.

I don't wanna text another girl.

I don't wanna have sex with
another girl.

- How long?

- I'm not gonna talk to a
girl for at least 14 nights.

- Oh come off it Mark.

14 days and 14 nights without
being with a single girl.

We're talking texting in a
romantic way.

We're talking kissing.

- Am I allowed to spank the
monkey?

[laughing]

- You're not allowed to do that,

I don't think you should.

- I genuinely want to do this
for myself.

- Listen Mark, I wanna support
ya,

I want you to do this.

If I'm honest I don't know if
you will,

and I don't think you will,

but I'm gonna support you
all the way all right?

[knocking on door]

Let me get that.

- Hello Arg, I've come to get
the washing.

- You're not gonna believe this.

Mark sworn to celibacy for 14
days

and 14 nights.

- No.

Oh good grief.

- Are you ready for me?

I'm a bit nervous, because I
am rocking a whole new look.

- Oh shut up!

- Wow.

- What do you think?

- Amazing.

- You look absolutely beautiful.

- Stunning, the hair, the
figure, look at your hips

- Them hips don't lie.

- They sure don't, what do
you think about the ass.

- Oh my god, amazing.

- It's good aint it?

- Big time

- Bootie.

- Do you know what,

I'll be surprise if Mick
has a second chance.

- No, I don't fancy him.

- No.

- You don't fancy him any more.

- I was like so obsessed with
Mick,

I was like a bunny boiler.

I cannot believe like I was
stalking him.

That weren't normal.

I just want the young fitties
now!

I just feel like there is this
volcano that wants to erupt

and go wild.

- Do you know who you
remind me of a bit now?

- Who?

- J-Lo.

- Do I?

- Yeah, you do.

- Yeah.

- What do you think of this
14 days 14 night malarkey?

- Well.

- I can't see what is hard
about it, it's two weeks.

14 days, 14 nights, surely
I can keep, you know,

keep away from girls for that
long.

- God help the next girl then.

- She'll be disappointed, won't
she!

- You mug!

[laughing]

- God I can't believe
its my birthday party.

- Already excited.

- Its gonna be good seeing
everyone.

- Nanny Pat's bought a new
dress.

- Good, good.

- She's gonna be swinging her
hips.

- Yeah, Nanny Pat's gonna
be on the dance floor.

- I just hope there's no dramas.

- There's bound to be.

If you think about it like
everyone that was together

a few months ago have split up.

- God, trust you to do
a party at this stage.

- I know, trust me to have
my birthday on that night.

And when everyone's gonna
be there for the first time.

Great.

- Oh god, but you've invited
Lauren anyway haven't you?

- Yeah, like in spite of what's
happened,

like the other week about me
and Mark being incestuous.

- She says these things

but she really must regret it

and I just --

- Well she obviously was drunk,

which isn't acceptable.

Hopefully she's learnt from it

cause she keeps messaging me and
stuff.

I did invite her to the party

cause I thought I'm gonna
be the bigger person.

- I just hope that's
she okay at the party,

I'm sure she will be,

I just hope she doesn't drink
too much

cause that's when she
gets upset and things.

I think Mark's in an
emotional state at the moment

over it all

so I just think I wish they
just could get on as friends.

Just hope Lauren's okay.

I'm sure she will be.

- Right, so Gem I've got
another black one here

with all crystals there,
another option for the party.

- I love a bit of
crystallisation, don't I?

- Yeah, it looks lovely, that
will look nice on you as well.

- I love it, I love it,

cause the thing is Jess's party

is going to be like a major
event.

- I know, I know.

- How do you feel about Joey
going?

- I really don't care.

- Don't you, you're over it?

- Yeah, if he's there,
he's there, you know,

I'll always say hello and
stuff, but to be honest,

like recently if ever I've seen
him

he has just been a bit funny.

- Do you think he still fancies
you?

- God knows.

- What will Mark do?

Do you think he's gonna

and put it on you again?

- No, that's old news.

- Would you go there --

- I recon he might you know.

- Yeah, buts that just Mark in
general.

He'll put it on anyone
who walks through the door

with legs and short skirt on.

- That's true.

I think Lauren has got a
really great confidence now

about her and I said are
you gonna get back together

with Mark and she was like,
never.

And like the thing is he use
to say she was fat and that.

Can you imagine if I
went out with Mark right,

he'd wind my jaw up.

[laughing]

- I've just been invited to a
party.

- Whose party?

- Um Jess.

- What, Mark's sister?

- Yeah.

- If Mark's gonna be
there you are not going.

- Okay, but I'm friends with
Jess at the end of the day,

and I won't talk to Mark.

- Yeah, you said that last
time and look what happened.

So, not happening.

Why would you want to go anyway?

You are not going to miss out.

And you can stay at home and
have this.

[laughing]

[upbeat club music]

[cheering]

- Happy Birthday.

- I've not been on a date in so
long.

- I've given up on dates,
I've totally give up.

- I've been on one nice date,

but it turned out he was
a bit too short for me.

- You're really tall and
you're tall, aren't you?

- Especially with heels on.

- Tonight I am going to
check their shoes out first.

- Shoes is a big, big, big
thing.

- It's all about the loafers.

- Gotta be tall cause we're all
tall.

- Gotta be tall, can't have no

- Gotta have a good bum, a big
bottom.

- Really?

I like a real man with a nice
big bum.

- I've never gone out with
anyone with a flat one.

- I'm excited now.

- The things is, the blokes
that have got to takes us on

have got to be big and strong.

Good shoes, good personalities
and know the way.

- So what do you think it's
going to be like tonight?

- Looks all right.

- There's like loads of fit
birds.

- Plenty of, plenty of talent
tonight

- Have you checked those ones
out?

How could you miss?

That's Sam Fairers.

- Yeah, I think so.

So who's that with her back to
us?

- I believe that is her sister.

- Billie, is it Billie?

- She got a bit of a treasure
chest on her, so yeah.

- Yeah, definitely got a
treasure chest.

- Which one would ya?

- I don't know they are
all very attractive girls.

- Shall we hang about
here and see what happens,

see if we can like let them
come to us, kinda thing?

- Well just give them the puppy
dogs,

I'll give them the puppy dogs,
have a few more of these,

and when they are ready
to come they will come.

- So that's our game plan
tonight.

Laid back, there you go, it's
working, laid back, reserved.

Let them come to us.

- It's all good, it's all good.

[dancing music]

- You're all right?

- Yeah, you?

- Yeah.

Any sign of Mark?

- No, no sign of Mark.

- He's gotta come right, surely?

- I don't actually care love.

I see him or I don't see him,
doesn't bother me no more.

- Do you know what?

I actually see that in you as
well.

Like you genuinely seem like
whatever.

You're like my little
relationship guru I think now.

- Oh good, I'm glad.

Kirk is looking over here.

- He's just given me so much
grief

and I think it's gone past
the level of being friends

cause he's just

I think he's disrespecting me
too much

to even wanna be friends with
him.

I've got enough friends.

- Yeah exactly, you got me.

- Another random friend I've got
you now.

- What's happening my brother?

- Alright.

- it's a bit weird in
here tonight, ain't it?

- Tonight is weird, aint it?

- There is ex's going
everywhere,

- I know.

- Lauren, Sam.

- You spoken to her?

- Nah, I sort of looked at her

but I didn't see her look at me
once,

so she must be thinking look at
that.

- Playing hard to get.

- You reckon?

- Girls are just game players
mate, proper game players.

All they wanna do is fuck your
mind up, play your mind up.

- Do you reckon?

It's weird, I don't
know, I don't like her,

like cause obviously I've
split up with her twice now.

But I've not seen her since we
split up.

I've seen her once since
I split up with her

but then now this is the proper
time

I have seen her out.

- Honestly, tell me the truth,
are you bothered about her?

Tell me the honest truth, don't
lie.

- If I had to answer your
question right now, I'd say yes,

but I think it's only
because it's the first time

I have seen her in a few of
months.

Do you know what I mean?

And I think anyone would feel
like that.

But I know I treated
her a bit like an idiot,

so she has got all right
to tell me to fuck off.

Because I was horrible,
I did get her to move in

and then chucked her out.

So I know she will have the
hump,

she will have the hump with me,
she will.

I'll walk up to her

and she will embarrass me
in front of her friends

and say fuck off.

And I do deserve it,

but who will put themselves
through that.

- Yeah, fair enough.

- What about you and Sam,
did you speak to her again?

- Seriously, I don't
have a clue what to do,

because I still do like Sam,

and I know she has moved
on and I'm happy for her.

But we've still got a
connection, we're still like

there is still stuff going on
between us,

we still like look at each other

and like oh, I quite like her.

- Mad though right?

I've not been out for a while

and I come out now and
everyone's ex's are out

but I've got birds looking at
me,

I'm looking at girls

and I'm thinking

do I dance with a girl
if Lauren's looking?

- Yeah but that's what I'm
saying.

You do that, it looks
like you're just trying

to wind her up someway.

- Or should we go in there now,

hit it hard, get a couple of
little Richards on the firm

and just dance away.

A couple of shots.

- That's what I think.

- Yeah?

- Just go in there, get a few
Richards,

"How's it going Richard?"

[whistles]

- What's going on Richard?

Richards like.

What's the name short for
Richard?

Dick aint it?

- What?

- There is someone called
Richard,

short for their name is Dick.

- Richard Dick.

- No, no, no.

If someone called Richard,

like someone called William,
their name is Bill for short.

Its weird.

- I thought the short name is
Will.

William.

- No, William Bill.

- Bill?

- Yeah and someone called
Richard,

there name short is Dick.

- Honestly.

- If he calls William, you call
Will

and if you call Billy, you call
Bill.

- No I think it is.

If your names William,

yeah no it is.

- That's so weird.

- Weird aint it?

- Good to see ya.

- All right Mark.

- What time do you call this?

- Thank you.

Why you so late?

- I've been building up my
confidence to come here.

I've been very very nervous
about it.

- [Jess] You gonna talk to
Lauren?

- Suppose so.

- Um Mark's here

- Aw, aw,

- Aw.

[laughing]

- I love how you just do
not even a give a shit.

- I just don't give a shit.

- Happy birthday Jess.

- Thank you, see you later boys.

- See you later.
- See you later.

- [Jess] Keep strong.

- Aw, look.

[laughing]

- The gruesome twosome.

- Do you think I should have
come tonight?

- It's your sister birthday,

of course you should have bloody
come.

- Yeah, I know that, I just look
at her

and I just think fuck.

She looks like she is having
fun, she is having a laugh,

and let me drink that and
then I'll go over there.

- Oh hun, I need to sit down.

Oh my god, my legs are killing
me, all this dancing tonight.

How are you feet, Maria?

- Sorry, I'm not trying to touch
you up.

- No, that's fine help yourself.

- Hi boys.

- He's all for touching up.
How you doing, all right?

- I'm good, how are you?

- Yeah, not too bad.

- What do you do?

- We do a bit of
modelling, underwear stuff.

- Do you?

Have you good bodies?

- Uh, not too bad.

- Are you twins?

- Yeah

- Are you identical?
- Do we not look alike?

Well, obviously one of
us is better looking but.

- Is everything identical?

- Um well, I suppose you can --

- Maria, are you trying to
chat these two up, honey?

Oh, my gosh, shock.

- I should hope so.

- Babe you're sweating.

- I am sweating.

I think its the Greek in us.

- How bout we work up
a little sweat in here?

- Are you Greek?

You look like you've got
a bit of Greek in you.

- Yeah we part Greek, part
Italian.

- She'd like a bit of Greek in
her.

- Have you been to Cypress?

- Yeah I have.

- Yeah what part, Napa?

- No, um Aphrodite Hills.

- Did you swim around the rock?

- If you kiss the rock

and basically I really wanted to
go there,

because if you kiss it then
basically you have eternal love.

- Oh right, did it work?

- I never kissed it, I
couldn't swim that far.

I was exhausted.

- Should we get the arm bands
on?

- Should we go and have a dance?

- Yeah, let's, let's.

- Come on, then let's party.

I can't wait to dance.

- Oh no.

- Right, let's lose the heels
then we go and dance, yeah?

- I ain't losing these heels

- Let's just style this
one out and have some fun,

but just don't stand too close
to me.

- I feel like a beast next to
you!

- A beast?

I'll be beauty yeah?

[dancing music]

- You can do this, come on do
it.

- You alright, Lauren's?

- Hi.

- How you doing, you all right?

Do you mind if I have a
quick chat with Lauren?

I'll literally be like 2 mins.

- You all right with that?

- Yeah.

- Hey you, you okay?

- Good you?

- Good.

- I just want to say a
few things to you alright?

It is very hard for me to do,

I will never ever, ever forget
the way that I loved you.

And the reason why this is so
hard is

because every time we finish,
which has been a lot of times,

I think we can both admit,
it's like oh, there's Lauren,

let' make her jealous, or
there's Lauren,

I wonder if she will come
home with me tonight?

And then we end up getting back
together.

But I think you'll agree with
me,

and I don't think I'm the
only one thinking this,

that this is it now, we
both need to move on,

we both need to help each other
move on,

you are the most beautiful
girl in the world to me,

you always have and always will
be,

I don't want you to ever
feel unconfident about it,

why you laughing?

- It's just, go on.

- I am just telling you

because this is probably
the last time we speak.

Alright?

Whoever you wanted to be with,

just remember that I will love
you for the rest of my life.

Okay?

- Mark, it's so sad I gave it
my all, I gave it everything.

- I feel like I gave you mine.

- I tried.

After everything you put me
through.

It's very, very hard, but
I want you to be happy,

and I want you to go out there,
do what you've got to do,

live your life and be that
person that you wanna be

because you have never
included me in your life.

But I want you to find someone

- if you've got any interest in
it.

- Yeah?

- I want to let you know
that whether you care or not,

I have got no interest in
finding anyone right now,

I just wanna be on my
own and just find myself.

But anyway, look, it's
done now, this chat,

and I love you to bits, alright.

And that will probably never
ever change.

Alright?

See you.

- I've just lost quite a lot of
weight

and I've still got a
hell of a long way to go.

- What kind of stuff have you
been doing?

- I'm doing this, I'm doing
this, I'm doing bend downs,

jumping jacks, you name
it, I'm doing it hun

but do you know what I
mean, it's very hard.

- It's hard work, it's hard
work,

have you got a personal trainer
or do you do it yourself?

- I have got a trainer.

Arg, Oh my god, baby!

- I thought it was Cheryl Cole!

- Oh, I love you babe,
sorry honey this is Arg.

- Nice to meet you, how you
doing, you alright, you alright?

- Oh my god Arg, check
out his muscles right?

- Bloody hell.

- He works out, we
struggle, Arg, don't we?

- I just feel like I need to
rely on someone else to come in

and be like come on, Arg, you
can do it.

- You've just got to stick at
it,

I mean I train six times a week,

I go kick boxing twice a week,

I play football so if you're up
for it,

come and train with me, come and
do it.

The only thing is right?

If you train with me,
you train till you drop.

- Well there's one thing I warn
ya.

I suffer with really bad asthma.

- Oh here we go.

- And I've got a bad lower back.

I know there is a six pack in
there somewhere, somewhere.

It might be quite far away
but there is definitely

a six pack dying to come out.

I wanna lose about four
inches off the waist.

- Four inches?

- And I wanna lose about six
inches

off the man boobs as well

- We are gonna get hot and sexy,
Arg.

- Not too sexy, bloody hell!

[laughing]

- What's going on, is there
any girls here tonight or not?

- There ain't no birds here, is
there?

I saw Sam earlier, she
like sort of ditched.

She sorta blanked me, I
went and said hello to her,

and I went alright, and she just
went,

gave me one of those dirty
looks, I was like, what?

- Hello.

- Hello girls.

- Alright Sam?

- How are you, you alright?

- You look lovely.

- What's been going on, Sam?

Your hair looks nice, by the
way.

- I've done dark,

- It's nice, ain't it?

It's alright, aint it, Joe?

- Yeah.

- So how have you been?

- Well, do you know what
actually,

there is one thing I want
to talk to you about,

you know, we ain't
actually had a serious talk

about why we split up?

- Yeah, okay, well, I
know what you're saying,

like when I was in Manchester
I was thinking a lot

and I just thought I was
never seeing you, right?

We wasn't seeing each other.

And then I just said, you
know, need a bit of space,

a little break, and you
was like oh, how sweet.

So was it you didn't care?

- I did care.

- You didn't try and get me
back.

- No, because you basically,

pretty much you finished
alright,

but you didn't come and see me,

you done it on the phone in
Manchester.

That's the reason I had the
hump.

- But then I said why
don't you come and see me,

no, I'm not coming to see
you, what's the point.

- Yeah, but that's the
reason I had the hump.

Cos if I rung you up and went,
by the way it's finished,

by the way I'm in Liverpool.

- Shush, I said to you on the
phone,

right I can't do this on the
phone,

we've got to see each other,
nah, nah.

- No you did not say that.

- I said that.

- No, you didn't say that.

- Yes I did, yes I did!

- No, you said it after
you'd done the whole thing.

You said, actually you know
what,

forget I said anything, I'll
come and see you in real life.

- Yeah, I said that to you.

- It's like me saying,
it's finished, then going

oh, actually, no, I am
only joking, I'll come

and see you soon, and I'll
finish it here.

- You are just lying.

- Do you still love me?

- You are boring me now.

I'm really sorry.

- See you later then.

- I'm joking, see you later
guys.

- What was all that about mate?

- Nothing

- That was a bit awkward, wasn't
it?

- Do you fancy her still?

- I dunno, I really don't know.

- [Narrator] Next time on
"The Only Way Is Essex"

Can Mark really stay celibate
for a whole two weeks?

- No.

- [Narrator] Will Gemma and
Arg manage to fight their flab?

- Oh I love you babe.

- I'm right in the middle of
this.

- [Narrator] And will
all future birthday cakes

have nipples on?

Who knows.

These people are real.

And anything can happen on
"The Only Way Is Essex."