All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S02E13.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

- [Narrator] This programme
contains flashy cars, big
watches

and a royal sausage plait.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real.

Although some of what they
do has been set up purely

for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is
Essex."

- I've got a feeling

that it might be Amy, the
rumours.

- Do you think he fancies
me though, like that?

- [Woman] Yeah.

- I'm so in love with Mick.

[upbeat electronic music]

- She ain't talking to me, Jess.

- You must sort it out, Mark.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

- You're well hungover aren't
you?

- A little bit, are you?

- No.
You was drinking?

- Yeah I was drinking,
but not like greedy,

drinking everything in sight.

Like you, stumbling around
with your ring girls.

You spent like half an hour with
me

throughout the whole night.

- You a bit jel about that,
ain't ya?

- No I'm not jealous at all.

- You're a little bit jel.

[joey laughs]

- Get off.

You were so drunk and annoying.

- Was I?
- Yeah.

Think of all the wrong things

you've done in the weeks

we've actually been
boyfriend and girlfriend.

- What?

What have I done?

- You've been a really shit
boyfriend.

[laughing]
- Shut up.

- You are.

- Oh my god.

I spoke to Mark, I went
to him, "Oh yeah, like,

"your sister's working
with me now, isn't she?

"She's like the it girl
with the ring girls."

You could see in his face he was
like,

he said he's gonna have to have
a word

with her or something.

- Why d'you reckon he went?

I reckon he went 'cause he
wanted to see

if your party was bigger, better
than his.

- And it was.
- It was better.

- Well jel.

I've overtook Essex now,

I mean really, he won't
ever get to where I am.

- Big head.

[laughing]

[cheerful rock music]

- [Harry] So A, what you
think of the hair then?

- Do you know what babe?

I think it looks lovely,

but I'm so used to seeing
you with blonde, babes.

- [Harry] No that's not me, I
can't get used to the colour.

Like so what, I'm bit of a fairy
sometimes

it just, it doesn't make sense

I've got brown hair and I'm a
bit ditzy.

People think I'm quite smart and
I'm not.

- Do you know what babes?

It's actually looking really
good in here.

- It is, who's excited for the
weds?

- It's quite a big thing, innit,
really?

- [Harry] It is really nice.

- Yeah.

- Next thing you know,

you've got Kate walking
in asking for a spray tan.

[laughing]

- All right Amy, how you doing
love?

How funny, if Kate walked in
here,

straightaway, you know what id
say to her?

- [Harry] What?

- You need a vajazzle darling.

- She's does, doesn't she?

'Cause at her wedding,

she's gonna go for that quite
classic look, isn't she?

- [Amy] Underneath the dress,

she's got a massive vajazzle.

- Big union jack vajazzle.

[laughing]

- But couldn't you imagine them

getting the rave on though?

Could you imagine them
having like big disco, like?

[laughing]

- Y-M-C-A.

[laughing]

[mumbling]

[cheerful pop music]

- Good night, last night weren't
it?

- Yeah it was all right.

In the end.
- [Mark] Getting a bit--

- Your sister had a good time.

- Getting a bit comfortable
with old Joseph.

[laughing]

It's almost like he's like,

seen me get engaged, sat there
and gone,

"Yes, it's my turn to take his
crown."

- It's what he's always
wanted though, isn't it?

- Of course, but let me tell ya,

I've got to be back out,

mingling with the girls round
me.

And, you know, that's my job

and that's what I do best.

Dealing with the female sex.

- So where do I come into this?

What do I get out of it?

- You get big houses.

You get watches, cars.

- That doesn't mean anything,

I'd rather live in a shed and be
happy.

- Babe, you will be happy.

Don't say that, you will be
happy.

- But I don't want all that,

because you got, it's like
you've been a prostitute.

That's what I feel like.

You going out.
- Oh shut up.

- That's what you're acting
like.

It's like you go out,
I'll be with all the girls

and that's how I bring in the
money.

Basically what it is.

You're just telling me that
regardless of how I feel

about everything you're
just gonna go ahead

and do what you want.

- I'm sorry to say but
that's part and parcel

of being Mark Wright's
girlfriend, fiance now.

- You're boring me with this
conversation, seriously.

- You've gotta deal
with that all your life.

- All right well I'm not happy
about it

and I don't really bother
about talking about it.

- Listen, Mark Wright is missed
in Essex.

Everyone's sitting at home, "Oh
please Mark just come back."

- Oh my God shut up.

[upbeat music]

- What's going on here?

- Hello, I'm painting your room.

- [Lauren] Why aren't you
topless?

- Would you want me to be
topless?

- Yeah.
- I will in a minute.

I need to work up a sweat.

I'm gonna put like, have
a makeup table in here.

- [Lauren] Yeah.

- Chester drawers, so you can
put all your

hair extensions in.

Got a big mirror, yeah, with
all the lights around it.

Table for you.
- Oh like a dressing room?

- Yeah.

- What?
- It's all gonna be pink.

But is this a good colour?

- Yeah, it's a lovely colour.

- You sure?
- What is that colour called?

- Pink, I asked them to
match the closest colour

to candy floss.

- Aw, you've proper like put
a lot of thought into this

haven't you?
- 'Cause I love ya.

- Aw, I love ya too.

- Thank you.

I need to make a man's room for
me.

- Yeah 'cause you can't
really come and chill out

in my pink boudoir.

- Might when you're not
here, put on your clothes.

- We discussed this didn't we,

with your willy tucked in.

- Don't say willy, 'cause
it makes it sound small.

- Well it is small.

- Lauren, that was the only
thing I had going for me,

is my big willy.
[Lauren laughing]

- Hey babe.
- Pimms?

- Yeah.
- Lovely.

- Your favourite drink.

- Actually champagne is, but
this is probably second best.

[laughing]

[people chatting faintly in
background]

It's nice.

- I was gonna say,
obviously like [mumbling]

Obviously like we're
boyfriend and girlfriend now

so I was gonna say like,

I wanna come with you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I feel really bad, but I
think it's more of a girl thing.

You can come about,

but I just think you
shouldn't really come with me

and my friends.

- I'm gonna go, understand,
anyway,

but I was just saying

'cause I thought I'd ask you
first anyway,

if I could go with you.

But obviously not, so.

- You're too dry for my girls.

- What do you mean dry?

- Like you haven't got
the banter about you.

- I reckon you want me to
come you're just saying that.

- Well that's not the case.

- Oh yes, I promised Harry
actually that I was gonna go

pick a car out with him, he
wants to get a Mini didn't he?

- How come you're going
with Harry and not me?

- Because he likes me more than
you.

- Harry's my mate.

- He's my mate as well.

- Well no, he's actually my
friend.

- Yeah well obviously.

- What, you stealing my friends
now?

So now Harry's going
car choosing with you,

shouldn't that be with me?

- We're boys.

- Whatever, well then.

- [Man] What's the time?
- Getting late.

Go and choose your car with
Harry.

- Well gimme a kiss.

- Go on then.
- A proper kiss.

See ya later.

- Right what else do we need?

- Now, well as long as we
got the crisp and the wine

why worry about anything else.

[laughter]

Oh yeah look, see I said that
didn't I?

- [Jessica] Oh God, look at
these cups,

certainly a lovely

cup of tea out of that, Nan?
- Oh lovely, yeah.

I like this, this is good.

- Well done.

Careful, you might mess up your
hair, Nan.

[laughter]

- You remember the queen's
wedding?

- Well I can remember the
Coronation.

I can remember that, we had
a street party for that.

- What are you going to
be doing this for then,

Nan, the food?
- [Carol] What are you making?

- Natural, I'm going to make
a nice, royal sausage plait.

- [Jessica] Royal sausage plait?

- [Nan] A roll sausage plait.
- [Jessica] Oh, what's

all that about, then?

- You gotta make two,
'cause Mark's coming.

I'm inviting Mark along.

- He'll have one on his
own, he will, wouldn't he?

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- [Mick] Hi Chloe it's Mick.

- Hi Mick, how are you?

- [Mick] I'm fine, it's always
nice

when it's a lovely day like
this.

- Yeah, it's lovely today.

- Just checking, did
you enjoy the ring party

the other night?

- Yeah, it went really well,
loved it.

Sweet kid.

- Good, I know it's a bit
random, a bit short notice,

do you fancy catching up
for a coffee later on?

For a chat?

- [Chloe] Today?

- Yeah is that okay?

- Yeah, I suppose I can
change a few thing around.

Yeah, okay.

- Okay cool, I'll catch up with
you

this afternoon then.

- All right then Mick, bye.

[car starts]

- So we got this royal wedding
coming up.

What do you reckon, you're
gonna watch it with me?

Are we gonna do a street
party or something like that?

Or what?

- My mum's putting on
some royal wedding party

at her house.

- To be honest I couldn't give
two monkeys

about the royal wedding,
and now we getting an extra

bank holiday or something like
that.

But apart from that I'm not
really too fussed about it.

Are you?
- I dunno.

I haven't really thought about
it either,

but I got more important things
in my head

now at the moment.

- Well what you got in your
head?

- I'm arranging some fat pool
party.

Now I'm coming back with a bang.

Joey Essex, eat this.

- What you mean a fat pool
party?

- I'm talking exactly
what I do in Marbella.

I'm taking champagne sprays,
[laughter]

Playboy bunnies walking about.

Back to Mark Wright style.

If you was gonna bring
a date, who would it be?

- Look, if I was gonna bring a
date,

then probably at this
moment in time would be Amy.

- She fancies you?

- A little bit, probably.

- Fuck, you know she's
got dog shit in her eyes.

[laughter]

Nah I'm joking.
- I'm joking as well.

She's been like, nice
company for me isn't she?

But obviously you're with
Lauren, you're engaged.

- I'm gonna put you in a little
scenario.

You're in the pool, you're
drinking champagne all day long,

just getting dark, Amy gets into
the pool,

you're in there, walks up
towards ya.

It's the shallow end so the
tits are just floating like

on top of the water, they're
like buoys when you get out

at sea when you're jet skiing,
yeah?

She walks up to ya, grabs
your balls, gives 'em a rub.

[laughter]

Do you stop there, or do you do
anything?

Tell me the truth.
- Mark.

- I'm asking you a question.

You got something about this
friendship,

I'm asking you a question.

Exactly, there's the answer.
- I don't wanna talk about it.

One little thing I'm concerned
about.

- What?

- It's gonna be a pool party,

and we're walking around all day
long

everyone's gonna see me.

Like I don't even take off
my top in front of you.

What's it gonna be like
in front of everyone else?

- You jump in, the water's gonna
jump out.

[laughter]

- You bastard.

Right, for that I'm gonna
be doing running bombs

and everything.

- There's gonna be champagne
only,

there's gonna be birds,
London birds, Essex birds,

fake tits, real tits,
fat asses, small asses.

Fuck it, we're gonna have
the best day ever son.

- What about my top, I can't go
topless.

- Fuck the top.

[laughter]

You had you're fucking
tits out the last time.

- Come on, fucking come on.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

[rock music]

- How 'bout a breath now?

- That was easy.

So how you been then, Lyd?

- Yeah, I been all right,
it's just the whole

James cheating on me, and like,

like obviously I been seeing how
close

him and Amy been getting
recently.

It's just got me like
thinking about so many things.

There's more to just a
friendship with them two.

And, I dunno--

- It doesn't make sense, does
it?

- No, it doesn't make sense.

- You can't put two and two
together.

- Exactly.
- It just doesn't make sense.

- And it's just kind of
eating me away a bit.

And I just think I just need
to get to the bottom of things.

- [Ellie] So what you gonna do
then Lyd?

- I just think really now,

I don't wanna keep talking about
it

to everyone else, I just
think I should confront Amy

and just get it from the horse's
mouth.

[playful music]

- So why have you got the Union
jack?

- Because of the royal wedding,

and I wanna prove to Mick

that I can be his royal
princess.

- Ohh.

- And she wants a bit
of sexy time with Mick

she's gonna show her vajazzle.

[laughter]

Oi oi, Mick!

- [Gemma] I'll bet Mick's
proper old fashion now.

- What in the bedroom?

- [Paloma] Or do you think he's
filth?

- Gem!

- I would just like to go
on a dinner date with Mick,

'cause I think, he's getting
out a bottle of Champlain

from a bottle that's on sale.

Do you know what I mean?

- [Amy] What?

- Wine, the wine Amy.

- So is he getting out a bottle
of LPR

to a bottle of Lambrini, girl?

- I know.

I think I'm just gonna have to
go for it.

I've had my hair done for Mick.

I've had my tan done for Mick.

Oh my God, I baked Mick an apple
pie.

- Lovely, oh my God, did you?

- I so wanna like, do
him a lamb curry as well,

'cause I asked him, I
saw him the other day

and he said that he does like
lamb

and he loves curry.

And I want to put like
all the cardamom in there

and do it all properly for him.

- Cardamom?

- Yeah, some like spice.

I would love to like
marinate his lamb chops,

do you know what I mean?

- Gem, you dirty cow.

[laughter]

- [Harry] Joey, this
car's real nice isn't it?

Or should it be that one?

- [Joey] I love that car.

- [Harry] Do you love it?
- [Joey] Yeah.

- Bit out of the price range
though.

- What about white, do you like
white?

- I love white cars.

- That's what I wanna get.

- Do ya?

- Well I've got one.
- You got a white car though,

you've got a smart car?

- Oh yeah.

I can walk on the ring machine.

- [Harry] Why do you suppose
that for?

- I don't know really,

'cause I sort of went
for like the Ken look.

I thought that that was like
a little toy boy car isn't it?

- Yeah.

- And I thought, obviously,
I need to find my barbie

and now I found her, so.

- You found your barbie big
time.

Definitely.

- Afternoon chaps.

- Afternoon, I'm Harry.

- Joey.

- [Salesman] You're here
looking for a car I take it?

- Today, I'm looking for a car.

I love sportin' a Mini,

'cause obviously it was my first
car, so.

Just a nice simple car
would be brilliant for me.

- I think we might well
have the car for you.

- Brilliant.

[people chattering]

- I'm really proud of Joey.

- Yeah, I think he done really
well.

I can't believe it.

I just hope he can do
it week in and week out.

'Cause that'll be good for him.

- He will, definitely.

- It's all good.

Anyway, the reason why I
asked you to coffee with me,

or have a little chat,
and thanks for coming.

I just really,

you're obviously a beautiful
girl, and I, you know,

lovely hair, lovely figure,
lovely smile

and everything else.
- Spit it out Mick.

[laughter]

I know that's not why you
brought me here.

- No, no I mean it, I think
you're a really lovely girl.

But, I feel pressured
from everyone around me.

Their always asking questions,

how are you with Chloe,
are you not with Chloe?

'Cause we're seen together a few
times.

I just really wanted to say to
you that,

as much as you are a
beautiful girl and all that,

I'm not looking for a
relationship with ya,

I'm just, I seem to of,

sort of got a friendship going
with you

and I'm quite pleased with that.

- [Chloe] Yeah, I know.

- I hope I haven't offended
you by saying that.

- No, of course not.

- I would just like to be your
friend.

'Cause I haven't really
got any friends like that,

that I can talk to, like
I've spoke to you about, so.

- Aw, Mick.

- I was bit worried about coming
here

and saying that to you,
to be honest with you.

- You shouldn't have
been worried about it.

I don't, I don't look at
you in that way, anyway.

Now like we both know,
we're on the same page.

And that, there's nothing to
worry about.

But you shouldn't have been
worried about that anyway.

[laughter]

Chill Mick, it's fine,
we're not gonna get married.

- [Mick] We're not?

- I'm not in love with you, I
promise.

- You wasn't worried I was gonna
like,

bring a ring out from under the
table,

or anything like that? [mumbles]

- No but I was worried Gemma
might fly around the corner

with an apple pie. [laughs]

- There was somebody I
had my eye on yesterday,

I'm not gonna say too much, but.

- Really?

- Yeah, there was just someone
who just,

I dunno for some reason, bit
of a natural attraction to her.

- Do I know her?

- [Mick] I don't know if
you do know her or not.

- Might be able to give you some
advice.

I give it to Joey all the time.

- Do you, well he's
doing all right by you.

- Yeah.

- We was in the garden sun
bathing and he goes to me,

oh we're boyfriend and
girlfriend now,

he like, oh I just wonder if I
could come

to Mark's with you [mumbles]

And I felt really bad, I felt
like I was being really nasty,

but I wasn't.

For him to come with me, and six
girls,

in an apartment.

As much as a like him and stuff
he's,

Joey's like round every
single day isn't he?

And now he's asked to spend the
whole day,

makes me think like, are
thing's moving a bit too fast?

- I think sometimes you
know, you might kill it a bit

if you're spending so much time
together.

You've only sort of known
each other a little while.

Then you don't still have
much to look forward to,

the excitement goes.

And if you see someone everyday
when you first start dating,

you don't really get that
feeling

like butterflies do you?

Getting a bit too comfortable
you see.

[imitating a car]

[honking]

- Beep, beep!

I actually love this
car, do you know that?

I can see this being my car.

I can see my driving home in
this.

- Yeah, I'm well excited for
you, I think it's wicked.

But when you drive around, you
gotta,

pull a pose like that.

- If it's gonna be my
car it's gotta be my car.

- It's gotta a bit of glam in
it.

Oh my God, that's gonna suit you
proper.

What does that do, does that?
[laughs]

- Where would you put it?

- That's massive, won't be
able see out the window.

- Where would you put it?

Would you out it there?

Oh no, you stick in inside--

- How you gonna see out the
window?

Oop.

There you go.

- Joey, this feels like my car.

- Buy it, now.

- I need to get a licence
though, don't I, big time?

- Yeah, why you come to get a
car

if you haven't got a licence?

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

- [sighs] You all right?

You have a good night?

- Yeah, what happened to you?

You left early didn't you?

- Mark got a bit jealous.
[laughs]

- What, being it someone else's
night?

Really?

- Very competitive.

He wants to get back in to it, I
think.

- In to what?

- [Lauren] Start writing again.

- Does he really need to do
that?

'Cause I know what you were like
then.

You was insecure,

and every time he use to go on
his nights

he used to row because he
wouldn't let you go down there

and you wanted to go down there.

And then you'd like not talk for
days.

And I just think is it really
worth it?

To go through all that again?

- I don't know.

- Do you 100% trust Mark?

- I do, yeah.

- 100%?
- 100%.

- Bloody liar.

- I 100% do, 100%.
- Do you trust him?

- Yes, I do.

'Cause I know Mark,

I know that hold I have over him

and I know how much I mean to
him.

He wanted the commitment, not
me.

So.

- Oh well hope you're right
then.

[car door slams]

[upbeat electronic music]

- No I just thought I'd come
here today

'cause obviously you know as
well as I do

it's been really awkward
between us at the moment.

- [Amy] Yeah.
- [Lydia] Maybe I should just

come here today and we can
just talk about things.

- Do you want to sit down?

- Yeah go for it.

Look I'm shaking.

- Why are you shaking?

- I just feel like obviously
I really, I'm so confused.

I just don't know like if
there is something going on

with you and James.

I don't know what it is.

But when yous two are together

you're so tactile with each
other.

And for me to stand there--
- What do you mean tactile?

- Tactile like you're just
very like touchy feely

with each other and like very
flirtatious with each other.

- I am a flirtatious person

but me and James are really
close.

I've got a soft spot for James.

- Exactly.

- He's a really good friend to
me,

we have such a laugh.

You know went out the
other night and we come in

for weight loss treatment,

yeah we do have a laugh, we
do flirt with each other.

But it's not, that's what
everyone does,

do you know what I mean?
- But I just feel like,

when we're actually together,

yous two don't spend
loads of time together.

Now we've broke up--

- So you think that I'm just
gonna get on,

like go with him straight away?

I'm not like that I would
never do that to you.

- Well that's what I'd hope to
think.

This is what I'd hope to
think, and this is why

I'm a bit disappointed.
- You and James,

you one minute say to me,

you one minute say I don't
want to be with James

and then you do, it's like
you're leading him on as well.

And just 'cause he's got
another girl talking to me,

like talking to me, you don't
like it.

- Yeah I don't like it because I
think

any girl wouldn't like that.

I think after three weeks I
wouldn't really like the thought

of him talking to another girl.

- I feel sorry for Arg in a way,
Lyd.

I think he needs a bit of
flirting at the minute.

Not being with you.

- I think that's a bit of a
stupid comment to make really.

He needs a bit of flirting.
- I like you Lyd,

I like you a lot.

But I'm not doing it just to
wind you up.

Do you know what I mean?

If you think that I'm
gonna do it to wind you up,

then I'm a better person than
that.

- Then you said that you, you
said,

you turned round and said

that you have got a soft spot
for him.

- Did you come in here to have a
go at me?

- I've got a problem with you
because you've turned around

and said you've got a soft spot

and yous two are really
flirtatious with each other.

I haven't got a problem with
James

flirting with girls.
- You're just saying

that you're a flirtatious
person.

Yeah I am, but you're
saying that it's really bad,

is it bad to do that?

No it isn't bad to do that.
- It is bad to do that

when their ex-girlfriend--
- James is not with you.

- Yeah but we've been
together for three years Amy.

We've been together for three
years,

there's still feelings there.

You can't flirt, you're
thinking there's nothing wrong

with flirting with somebody.

- Don't come to my salon,
start having a go at me.

- I'm not having a go at you.

I've come here to get answers
Amy and I think after--

- Get answers about what
though, about me and James?

Me and James are friends.
- Yeah about the way

yous two act together.

If it's that there's nothing in
it

and you don't actually fancy him

then just please just be more
sensitive towards my feelings.

- Yeah well I could sit in there
going

yeah I do fancy him, I've
been flirting with him,

I could have right problems,
but I don't fancy him Lyd.

- You're flirting with him

and I feel like you're
rubbing things in Amy.

- I don't
- [Lydia] Yes you do.

And like with the whole--
- Sorry.

- [Lydia] You'll sit
there and tweet things

and stuff like that.

- What just saying that,

right Twitter, right, is
all about what you're doing.

Sorry that I'm with James
you know what I mean?

Yeah but you're saying--
- Having a good night.

He came round for a drink
the other night with my mum.

It was me, my mum,

me, mum, James and my aunty, we
sat down,

nothing in it.
- I'm sitting there watching,

you know that I'm upset
and hurt about anyway

and you tweeted having dinner
with real James Argent.

James obviously feels really
uneasy,

'cause afterwards he tweeted,

he's obviously sitting there
thinking,

oh my god Lydia's gonna be
sitting at home reading that

thinking what's going, what's
going on?

As if I'm moving on.
- And then five minutes later,

- [Lydia] And then he tweets
later,

saying with everyone
else to try and make me--

- Well that shows yous twos
immaturity.

So glad that I'm not immature.

- I think, well you are immature

because you're obviously
causing more trouble aren't you?

- Well obviously not.

- Well,

It's obviously not sorted
anything so,

get on with what you gotta do.

- Whatever.

[upbeat rock music]

- Oh well you've done
yourself proud there.

Especially with the
letters on it, K and W.

- [Nan] Yeah look K and W.
- [Carol] Fantastic.

- [Nan] I know.

- Oh, I'm really looking
forward to today, I can't wait.

All the family.
- All the family,

everyone's gonna come.

- Let's hope it's all smooth,

- [Nan] Yes it will--
- And let's just hope

it's all like, happy family

like it used to be.
- It's got to be.

Everyone's coming yeah.

- Should be really good fun.
- Yeah, it should be good.

- I've got some really good
music as well,

all the old time music.

- [Nan] That's it.
- Vera, what's her name?

- Vera Lynn.
Vera Lynn,

I've got all her music.
- Yeah, we'll meet again.

Yeah that's it.

- Have a good old knees
up and jolly drink.

- Jolly bit of a drink, yeah.

[laughing]

We should've got you some
champagne,

you get drunk on champagne don't
you?

- Oh yeah, that was a
long, long while ago.

[laughing]

- So you're looking forward to
lunch then?

- Wouldn't say looking forward
to it.

I am, but I'm sort of also
worried.

- I mean Lauren there's not,

what I want you to get
out of your head now

there's not that much on an
incident that's happened.

There's been some words
exchanged, fair enough.

But let's just go in there
and have a nice day, yeah?

- Yeah no,

you've just completely
jumped down my throat again.

Obviously it's clearly not
me the one with the issue,

obviously I'm nervous
because I want it to be good.

I've had a meeting with your
mum,

I've told her how I feel.

I've been really nice, I've
been nothing but positive.

I've not argued back or
said anything horrible.

Where if I was another girl,

they'd probably tell her where
to go.

- You know how important
it is for me obviously.

I'm close to my family,

and I want, you know
especially my future wife.

It's very important that

you're close with the family.
- But you can't tell me that,

because it's not me

with the issue.
- I know that.

And I know that,

and I told them that but
what I want to tell you is,

we're going to go in there
today like nothing's happened.

That's all I'm saying.

- Of course like I always do.

- All right, cool.

Let's just go, have a bit
of lunch, have a drink

and just forget.
- And don't worry if I wanna

have a drink, either.

- Just forget anything's ever
happened.

- Do you not moan at me
if I want to have a drink?

'Cause then that makes us bicker

then your mom will start
giving the looks of

ooh you're rowing again, so just
chill.

Let me do what I want,
- [Mark] Cool, all right.

- For once.

- Me and Arg, hello.

- Who does she think
she is like seriously?

- Right the thing is here,

Lydia's thinking it's your fault

when really it's all Arg's
fault.

- Thank you.

- Lydia's the biggest flirt
out of everyone I know.

And you're not that silly

to do anything with Arg.

Well why would you want to
do anything with Arg anyway.

- Arg, I've never fancied Arg.

I have a laugh with him, that's
all.

- Arg is stirring up
so much shit recently,

in the whole of Essex.

In our whole little group of
friends,

Arg is stirring up most of the
shit.

- They just need to
sort it out and do one.

Do you know what I mean?

[laughing]

They're really annoying.
- What do you think Harry?

Who do you think is in the
wrong?

- She's annoying, she's annoying
me.

How dare she come into your
salon

and start having a go at you?

You're not the type of
girl to go shagging around,

snogging other people's
boyfriends.

That's not you Amy and we
all know that for a fact.

And deep down she knows
that for a fact as well.

- She's just taking out her
anger on you

when really she's angry at Arg.

- Do you know what I
ended up saying to her?

How insecure are you,

you are so insecure of yourself
Lyd, you need to calm down.

You've got an immature
relationship.

Don't get me involved.

- What you gotta think is,

you're more mature, and
your better looking.

[laughing]

So I wouldn't worry.

- And I just basically said

I'm not one to about behind
people's backs

and I'd rather just
get it out in the open,

talk about it and then put
it like, put it to bed.

So I decided to go to Amy's
salon.

- [Lucy] Did she know, did
you book an appointment

or did you just turn up?
- No I just turned up.

- [mumbles] here anymore.
[laughs]

- I was so nervous when I walked
in,

I was literally shaking,

I was like, "Oh my god I'm
shaking."

She was like, "Why honey,

"why are you shaking?"
- What did you ask her?

She was like,

"No we're just friends, I
promise you."

She was like, "I'm just
flirtatious with--

- She told his ex-girlfriend
that she flirts with him?

- [Lydia] Yeah she was like
that's our relationship,

I'm just really flirty with him.

And I was like, "But you wasn't

"when were together."
- As if you'd say that?

As if you turn around and say
that?

- And if you are a flirtatious
person

there's a line you don't
cross, you don't go there

with other people's--
- Exactly.

- I was like, "I just feel
like you're really tactile

"with each other, it's as if
you're throwing it in my face."

She went, "What's tactile?"

- Oh my god.

[laughing]

- And I was like, oh my
gosh this may take a while.

So I was just like, do you know
what

if that's what they wanna
do, then get on with it,

I'm sure it wouldn't last very
long.

- This is the last straw,

you need to move on.
- Exactly.

- Two can play that game.

[group singing]

♪ We'll meet again

♪ Don't know where

♪ Don't know when

♪ But I know we'll meet
again some sunny day ♪

[laughing]

- Hi everyone.
- [Nan] Oh hi!

- How you doing?

We didn't know it was a white
and red, blue Christmas.

[blowing kisses]

- I've been saying, I know.

They're lovely, right Pat?

- Yeah, lovely, yeah.

- So what we want to know is
what tips

have yous two picked
up on the wedding day?

- I want it even bigger.

[laughing]

- [Nan] No, no, we won't open
it.

- Dunno what to say.

Right before this day goes,

we'll have a nice drink and a
nice day.

I just want to say obviously
I'm sorry about everything

that's happened between us all

'cause it didn't need to happen,

I've never really fell
out with me family before.

It ain't really anything major,

it's escalated from nothing
really.

But I love you, is all,

and obviously my main important
thing is all the family

get on and obviously with Lauren
and us,

and as a big group, we all
just get on and just start--

- Now see you got me in tears
again, Mark.

[laughing]

- I think Lauren looks at
is as a personal issue,

that it was personal, but
when we actually sat down

and thought about it, it's
probably more the fact that

there was no trust in the
relationship

rather than personal people.

- Yeah.

- We've sat down, we've
explained that,

but obviously it's hard
for Lauren to see sometimes

but she understands as well.

And Jess, brother and sister,

you know, apologise we've
been arguing or whatever

so hopefully we can just
forget everything now

and just draw a line under
it and just forget about it.

- [Nan] Just forget
about all your troubles.

Forget about your troubles,
boy-o.

- [Mark] Let's just have a beer

and just draw a line under it.

- Have something to eat, come
on.

We've cooked all this food
you've got to eat something.

- Come and sit down and
have something to eat.

- [Jessica] To the royal couple.

[cork pops]

- Have you got your bikinis
for the pool party yet?

- I haven't got one yet,
I need to get motivated.

- Go looking nice to meet
someone else,

not for Arg though.

- No, what about when I
had my read, Gemma said,

you're gonna meet someone,

your prince charming, and
it's not too far away.

He's sat there, right now, in
his speedos,

with his six pack.
- Speedos?

Shaven chest, waiting for
Lydia Bright to walk in.

- [Lucy] Oh my God.
That's it.

- And if Lucy happens to
bring three hot guys along,

that's not your fault.

- Exactly.
[laughing]

If a guy just happens to
fall over onto my lips then--

[laughing]

- If I cheated in my Marbella,

I'd get caught within a minute

'cause everyone knows everyone.

You know I'm not gonna cheat

just because of that.
- I've got more tag on you

than anywhere in the world.

The most place I take it is my
bath.

- You're not going?
- Not going, no.

- He's not allowing you to go?

- He's going out there for a
stag, so.

- Girls don't go on girls
holidays,

when they have relationships.
- [Leah] Oh, Mark!

- When they're in a
relationship they don't,

boys do, girls don't.

- Of course they do, if you're
going away.

What's good for the goose
is good for the gander.

- Gander what does that mean?

- What's good for the goose
is good for the gander.

- What's good for you is good
for her.

- Also I don't want to
have to think about,

shit where's Lauren,
where's them boys gone,

because a boy can't trust other
boys,

I know what boys are like.

It's all comments made about
birds

and then they try and
grab them up in the club,

touch them up, you can't
trust boys with girls.

But me, if I don't wanna
cheat, I don't have to.

Girls ain't gonna do that to me,

well I'm a bit different,

they do do that to me 'cause
it's me.

But I can trust myself, do
you know what I'm saying?

At the end of the day, you
know--

- That is the most,

- You can trust me.
- crap excuse.

- You know I don't get
involved in the golden boot.

- [Girls] What's the golden
boot?

[laughing]

- It's like whoever scores the
most birds,

gets the golden boot.

- Oh my god.
- Oh, my life.

- Men are scumbags.

- You don't need to lose count.

- That's disgusting.
- That's really depressing.

How depressing.
- [Leah] How many at the most?

I can't honestly say,

I don't get involved, promise
you I never,

I don't enjoy golden boot.

- Do you actually get a medal
afterwards?

- No we go for [murmurs]
Indian on the last night

in the pool and we all sit down,

give the awards out.
- He's a jolly good fellow.

- Why don't you just go away

and have a nice time with your
friends?

Why is it like a competition
who can get the most girls?

- Listen, enough of this
conversation,

'cause at the end of the day we
all know

Mark's bird never joins him in
Marbella

and Mark Wright is taking
over Marbella once again.

- Anyway girls I'm gonna get
going,

got so much to organise, I've
only got a little while now.

We've gotta get hair
done, nails, tan, wax.

- Ow.
[laughing]

- So I'll let yous two get on
with it.

Enjoy your day, okay?

I love you lots.

- See you soon.
- Have a good day.

- Good luck.

[keys jangling]

- Oh.
- Oop.

Sorry.
- Sorry.

Sorry.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

[metal rattling]

[upbeat electronic music]

- [Narrator] Next time on
"The Only Way is Essex."

Will Gemma get to dazzle
Mick with her vajazzle?

- I wanna prove to Mick that
I can be his royal princess.

- [Narrator] Will Mark regain
his throne

as the party king of Essex?

- That's my job, and
that's what I do best.

- [Narrator] And has Lydia
finally found

her prince charming?

Who knows, these people are
real,

and anything can happen on
"The Only Way is Essex."

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[trumpet music]