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1
00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:04,308
[Melanie]
Hot in Clevelandis recorded
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,527
in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:10,619
Bob sent a gift from Canada.
4
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:15,058
Oh, my life is so good
right now.
5
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:18,105
Actually, all of our lives are
just about perfect right now.
6
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,454
You'’re happy with Dane.
7
00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:21,630
Your HBO series
is about to premiere.
8
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:22,848
Stop.
9
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:24,763
Don'’t tempt the evil eye.
10
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,330
What are you talking about?
11
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:31,118
In Poland, my mother said,
"Everything is perfect."
12
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,860
The next morning,
the Nazis invaded.
13
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:37,254
Oh, God.
14
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,648
And I got the worst pimple.
15
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:40,649
It was right here.
16
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,868
[all commiserating]
17
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,783
[Joy]
Literally ruin your day.
18
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:47,134
Oh, I do love getting gifts.
19
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,527
Bob is such a doll.
20
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:52,617
Oh, my God.
21
00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:57,187
Bob isa doll.
22
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,407
He had a doll made
to look like himself?
23
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,713
That is the most disturbing
thing I have ever seen,
24
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,629
and I have been in a windstorm
with Donald Trump.
25
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,681
There'’s a note.
26
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,204
"My little detective,
27
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,989
never has a heart been
as full as mine."
28
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:18,164
Oh, that'’s sweet.
29
00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:19,688
Mm.
30
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:25,346
It really is a unique,
thoughtful...
31
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:28,523
Ultimately creepy gift.
32
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,178
Oh, Little Bob hit his head.
33
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:34,658
Don'’t give it a name.
34
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:35,660
[laptop jingling]
35
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,098
Oh, that'’s him now.
36
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,273
[Bob]
Hey, Joy.
Did you get my gift?
37
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,883
I did.
38
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:43,538
Have you undressed him yet?
39
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:46,715
Not yet. Can'’t wait.
40
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,238
What'’s wrong with your head?
41
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,023
Oh, I--I banged it real bad.
42
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,851
Just like Little Bob.
43
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:56,899
Actually,
can you hang on a second?
44
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:58,857
I'’m just gonna run
and get some ice.
45
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,860
Wow, that is really weird.
46
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,775
What if everything that happens
to Little Bob
47
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:08,170
happens to slightly larger Bob?
48
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,217
Maybe it'’s a voodoo doll.
49
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:11,218
[scoffs]
50
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,482
There is no such thing
as voodoo.
51
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,484
If I twist the doll arm,
it'’s not like, you know--
52
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:18,790
[crash]
[Bob] Ow!
53
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,271
Bob, what happened?
What'’s the matter?
54
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:23,969
Oh, I don'’t know.
I just tweaked my shoulder.
55
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,450
[groans]
I'’ll call you back, okay?
56
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,757
[laptop beeps]
57
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,454
Don'’t say it.
58
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,456
Well, you got to admit,
that'’s kind of weird.
59
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,633
[both]
Voodoo.
60
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:36,982
[doorbell dings]
61
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:37,896
Oh.
Oh, that'’s got to be Dane.
62
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,550
Listen, guys, just so you know,
63
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:43,424
he got laid off this morning,
so he might be a little fragile.
64
00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:44,555
Hey, babe.
65
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,254
Hi, honey.
66
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,603
Something wrong?
67
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,735
Well, not with me,
but you lost your job.
68
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,824
[scoffs]
I'’m fine.
69
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:55,566
Hit a bucket of balls,
listened to some Foo Fighters.
70
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:59,091
I'’m over it.
71
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:01,616
Wouldn'’t say no
to a cold beer though.
72
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,922
Hello, ladies.
73
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,228
Little Bob.
74
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,886
I'’m so sorry you got fired.
75
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:13,149
Do you want to talk about
how you'’re feeling?
76
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,368
Not really.
77
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,978
Do you want to talk about
78
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:18,328
why you don'’t want to
talk about your feelings?
79
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,460
Not really.
80
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:20,896
Why?
81
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,942
'’Cause I'm a guy.
82
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:25,727
Well, don'’t you think the world
would be better
83
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,728
if guys talked about
their feelings?
84
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:31,167
Not really.
85
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,605
Well, I'’m here for you.Mwah.
86
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,999
Did you start smoking again?
87
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,740
Maybe I'’m a little stressed.
88
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,045
Well, I think I can help.
89
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:41,351
Joy stopped smoking a while ago.
90
00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:42,918
She has some nicotine patches
upstairs.
91
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:43,658
I'’ll get them for you.
92
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,399
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
93
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,791
I'’ll go with you.
94
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,097
- We can have sex.
- [laughs]
95
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,968
Aren'’t you too upset
to have sex?
96
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:52,841
You say the cutest things.
97
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,583
[doorbell dings]
98
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:56,584
Ari!
99
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:59,413
Victoria.
100
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,197
What are you doing here?
101
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,069
You know why I'’m a great agent?
102
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:07,290
'’Cause I'm the biggest bastard
in Hollywood.
103
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,205
Luckily, I'’m your bastard.
104
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,775
[Victoria]
Wait a minute.
105
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,951
If you flew all the wayfrom LA,
106
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:18,736
then you must have some big news
about my HBO show.
107
00:04:18,779 --> 00:04:20,869
I do. Huge news.
108
00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,653
So what is it?
109
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,569
They'’re cutting you
out of the show.
110
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,751
[upbeat music]
111
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,753
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
112
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:39,148
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
113
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,280
♪ Hey!
114
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,542
Why did they cut me
from the show?
115
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,239
Did they think my actingwas bad?
116
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,590
You'’re gonna laugh at this,
but they had no specific reason.
117
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,248
Why would that make me laugh?
118
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,295
Well, the guy who told me
had a funny accent.
119
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,560
This is a disaster.
120
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,692
If they won'’t say
why I was fired,
121
00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:04,739
then people will start making up
all sorts of crazy rumors--
122
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,088
that I'’m a diva,
123
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,264
that I'’m untalented,
my career is over.
124
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,789
They won'’t say those things.
125
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:15,358
But don'’t check today's Variety.
126
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:16,707
I need something right away
127
00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,579
to show people
that I can still get work.
128
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,755
Now, are there any options
out there for me?
129
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,670
Are there any options?
130
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,149
There are two:
131
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:28,328
A low-budget picture
shot in Romania
132
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:33,028
or a play at a theater
right here in Cleveland.
133
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,899
I'’ll take the movie.
134
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:37,293
There is no movie.
135
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,599
What?
136
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:41,341
I just wanted you to think
you had some options.
137
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,734
I thought surely
you'’d take the play.
138
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:46,258
But local theater
is what movie stars do
139
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:47,390
when they can'’t get any work.
140
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:50,611
Which is why you'’re perfect
for this.
141
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,620
Victoria, I know you think that
local theater is beneath you,
142
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,230
but you'’ll be great
in the play.
143
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:03,058
Will I?
144
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:05,930
The thing is, because HBO
isn'’t saying why they cut me,
145
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:07,758
I don'’t know what to fix.
146
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,848
Did I not delve deeply enough
into my character'’s backstory?
147
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,460
Did I not make
interesting enough choices?
148
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,767
I have lost all faith
in my acting instincts.
149
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:20,945
Oh, you sweet thing,
everything you do is adorable.
150
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,730
Oh, thank you, Elka.
151
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,732
I was talking to the dog.
152
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,215
Oh, look at him.
153
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:33,610
He'’s snuggling him from behind.
154
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:35,264
That'’s not snuggling.
155
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,179
[both]
Oh, no.
156
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,963
- That is not right.
- No.
157
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,270
It'’s a voodoo doll.
158
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:45,361
That'’s probably happening
to Bob right now.
159
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,366
It is not a voodoo doll.
160
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:54,196
It'’s just a really creepy doll
that my boyfriend gave me,
161
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,633
so Ican'’t get rid of it.
162
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:59,723
I'’d like to, but Ican'’t.
163
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,551
I'’ll do it.
164
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,161
I know a kid'’s charity that
would probably like to take it.
165
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,598
Mm. Anyway, I owe you one.
166
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,469
I gave Dane a bunch
of your nicotine patches.
167
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:09,385
Wait, those aren'’t
nicotine patches.
168
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,692
I got those
from a friend in Sweden.
169
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:14,390
They'’re a skin treatment that's
unapproved here in the States.
170
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,872
Unapproved?
W-what'’s in them?
171
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,222
Really high doses of estrogen.
172
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,052
Estrogen?
173
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:28,273
Oh, my God, did I just turn
my boyfriend into a woman?
174
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:31,973
Hi, Dane.
Ooh, white wine.
175
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,322
Is that for me?
176
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,933
No, I just felt like
something crisp.
177
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,939
Besides, I was feeling
a bit bloated.
178
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,767
Yeah. Uh...
[chuckles]
179
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,639
Look, Dane, there'’s something
I need to tell you
180
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,422
about those patches
you'’re wearing.
181
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,555
The patches, right.
182
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,382
At first,
I still wanted to smoke,
183
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:53,734
so I used, like,
five of them.
184
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,909
- Five?
- Yeah.
185
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:56,911
And it'’s weird.
186
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,347
I stopped smoking,
187
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:02,220
but I feel like I'’ve had
an emotional awakening.
188
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:04,266
Last night, I caught an episode
of Oprah'’s Master Class
189
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:05,267
with Susan Sarandon.
190
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:06,703
Oh, still gorgeous.
191
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,445
Right?
192
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,970
And she said things happen
for a reason.
193
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:15,582
And I thought,
"Things do happen for a reason."
194
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:21,501
Maybe that reason was for you
and I to grow closer.
195
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,895
Anyway, you wanted to tell me
something about those patches?
196
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:28,246
Just that if you'’ve ran out,
I could get you some more.
197
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,903
Let'’s welcome the brilliant
198
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:35,297
Oscar and Emmy Award-winning
actress,
199
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,558
Victoria Chase...
200
00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:39,082
[applause]
201
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:42,086
Soon to be starring
in an upcoming HBO series.
202
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,434
[whispering inaudibly]
203
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,002
Okay, forget that last part.
204
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,702
So let'’s get started,
shall we?
205
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:49,703
Great.
206
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,313
I was up all night
207
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,575
working on
my character'’s backstory.
208
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:53,707
I think you'’re gonna like it.
209
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:54,708
Terrific.
210
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,537
Okay, places, everybody.
211
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,669
"We open in
a small roadside diner
212
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:02,672
in Carson City, Nevada."
213
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,282
[in Cockney accent]
'’Ey there, 'andsome.
214
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,284
Warm up that coffee for ya?
215
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,896
Victoria, I'’m gonna stop you.
216
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:09,940
Interesting choice.
217
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,551
Oh, it was, wasn'’t it?
218
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:14,466
You know, I--I get the sense
that my character
219
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,468
feels like she'’s superior
to everyone around her,
220
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,819
and so I thought,
"Why not make her British?"
221
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,603
Well, here'’s one reason
I can think of.
222
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,213
[clears throat]
223
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,259
The play is about how
she'’s lived in
224
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:27,436
the same small Nevada town
her whole life.
225
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:29,046
So maybe we could try it
without the accent?
226
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,004
Of course. Of course.
Bad choice.
227
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,093
Let me just give you
another one.
228
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,141
Hey, handsome.
Warm up that coffee for ya?
229
00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:41,145
♪ Hey there, handsome
230
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,800
♪ Warm up your coffee
for ya? ♪
231
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,063
Take five, everybody.
232
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:50,154
Well, it was a little rocky
at first,
233
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,940
but I finally found
the perfect backstory and accent
234
00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:54,898
for my character.
235
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,726
You didn'’t do that thing you
call a British accent, did you?
236
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,641
Hey.
237
00:09:58,685 --> 00:09:59,903
[in Cockney accent]
Me British accent '’appens to be
238
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:02,863
quite good indeed.
239
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:08,259
I'’d love to hear it one day.
240
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:10,392
Well, I did it.
241
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,699
By drugging my boyfriend
with estrogen,
242
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:16,006
I have created the perfect man.
243
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,182
He'’s empathetic, he wants to
talk about his feelings,
244
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,662
and he even noticed
my new bag.
245
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:20,881
What?
246
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,709
No, sometimes they notice shoes,
247
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,058
but never the bag.
248
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:28,758
Elka, what'’s wrong?
249
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:31,456
Oh, George Clooney is upset.
250
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,156
His Little Bob doll is missing.
251
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:37,637
I told you I was gonna give it
to a kids charity.
252
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,597
And I told you
you were messing with voodoo.
253
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,991
Well, technically,
if the voodoo was working,
254
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,732
then Real Bob
would be missing too.
255
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,951
Bob'’s not missing.
256
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,911
Although he never did
call me back.
257
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:54,871
Oh, no, five texts
from Bob'’s brother.
258
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:55,959
Bob'’s gone missing.
259
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,487
He went maple tree tapping
in the woods
260
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,315
and hasn'’t come back.
261
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:08,798
They found his little bucket,
but no Bob.
262
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,104
Oh, God.
263
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,496
What if the voodoo is real?
264
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,933
I'’ve got to get
that doll back.
265
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:15,239
Melanie, what kids charity
did you give it to?
266
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,677
I--I kind of threw it
in the trash.
267
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,853
What? How could you?
268
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,593
You said you were gonna give it
to a kids charity.
269
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,508
I lied.
270
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:26,120
Who wants a doll that looks like
a lumpy middle-aged man?
271
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,428
They still haven'’t found Bob.
272
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,474
We have got to find that doll.
273
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,997
But they picked up the trashtoday.
274
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,042
It could be anywhere.
275
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,913
I'’ll find it.
276
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,567
I'’m the mayor.
277
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:41,483
I'’m the boss of every
garbage truck in Cleveland.
278
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,137
Wow, that'’s right.
279
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,704
You spend so much time
280
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,662
hanging around here with us,
drinking,
281
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,709
I forget you'’re the mayor
of a major metropolitan city.
282
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:53,713
I don'’t put in a full day.
283
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:56,019
That'’s what makes me relatable.
284
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,718
Let'’s make some calls.
285
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,763
[doorbell dings]
286
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,769
Ari. Is something wrong?
287
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:10,773
No, I just wanted to ask you
how the play was going.
288
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:13,428
Oh, great.
289
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:16,518
No, I think they really like
the choices I'’m making.
290
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:20,261
That'’s one way of looking at it.
291
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:24,569
They other way is, they hate
all the choices you'’re making.
292
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:29,226
That'’s actually the way
to look at it.
293
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:32,142
This HBO thing
really threw me.
294
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:34,754
My instincts are gone.
295
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,364
I don'’t think
I can do this play.
296
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,061
Just tell them I'’m sick
or something.
297
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,802
All right, I'’ll tell them.
298
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,456
That'’s my job.
299
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:44,111
I got to get out of
this business.
300
00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:47,636
Hello, young handsome fellow.
301
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,204
Got representation?
302
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:53,250
I'’m back in the business.
303
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,818
Hey, you do look
very handsome.
304
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,428
No, I don'’t.
305
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,300
I put on, like, five pounds
in two days.
306
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:00,736
Nothing fits.
Nothing looks good.
307
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:07,743
I'’m such a cow.
308
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,832
Victoria?
309
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,007
What'’s wrong?
310
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:13,575
Nothing.
311
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,055
It doesn'’t sound like nothing.
312
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:18,101
Oh, I--I just quit my play.
313
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,755
[gasps]
314
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,322
- Tell me everything.
- Well, I--
315
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,541
But I made reservations
at Dante'’s.
316
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:26,109
Reservations can be changed,
sweetheart.
317
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,545
Victoria'’s upset.
318
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:29,112
Oh, no. No, no.
319
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:30,722
I don'’t want to spoil
your evening.
320
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:31,985
I--
321
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:35,336
Victoria,
we both just lost jobs,
322
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,556
but that doesn'’t define
who we are.
323
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,036
Here'’s what you do.
324
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,648
You draw yourself a bath,
pour yourself a glass of wine,
325
00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:47,478
and make a list of everything
you love about yourself.
326
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:51,134
I did it earlier today,
and it really works.
327
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,877
Thank you, Dane.
328
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,531
Aw, Dane.
329
00:13:56,574 --> 00:14:00,013
Honey, you are so sweet.
330
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,841
Listen, I got an idea.
331
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,495
How '’bout we skip dinner
and, you know, fool around?
332
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:06,236
[scoffs]
What?
333
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,542
How could you even
think about sex
334
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:11,415
when Victoria is so upset?
335
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,375
Okay. Okay, fine.
336
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:15,550
Then we'’ll just--
we'’ll cuddle.
337
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,118
[chuckles]
We'’ll just see what happens.
338
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:21,904
Nothing will happen.
339
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:22,949
Okay, that'’s it.
340
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,167
Dane, I have something
to tell you.
341
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,647
Those nicotine patches?
342
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:26,996
They'’re not really nicotine.
343
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,477
They'’re estrogen.
344
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,219
What? How could you?
345
00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,350
Oh, honey, don'’t be upset.
346
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:35,918
Don'’t tell me how to feel.
347
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,528
Please don'’t be angry.
348
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:38,573
[sighs]
349
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,750
I'’m not angry, I'm just--
350
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,534
I'’m just hurt.
351
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,188
Well, can I call you?
352
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,408
Don'’t call me.
353
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,018
Don'’t text me.
354
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:51,455
It'’s over.
355
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:54,937
And don'’t watch me
while I'’m walking out the door.
356
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:55,633
My ass is huge.
357
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,606
Thanks again for helping me
search for the Bob doll.
358
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,390
They'’ve sent the Mounties out
looking for Bob,
359
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,783
but so far, nothing.
360
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:16,524
Joy, I'’m so sorry.
361
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,395
Don'’t worry. We'll find it.
362
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,789
By the science of voodoo,
when we find Little Bob,
363
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:23,444
Big Bob will show up.
364
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,837
Are you sure this is
the quadrant our trash is in?
365
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,883
Oh, it'’s ours.
366
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,581
Look at all the wine bottles.
367
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:34,324
Hey.
368
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:35,978
My gold lamé shorts.
369
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,371
How did these get in here?
370
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,503
Yes, how?
371
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:46,771
Hey, Elka, this looks just like
the bowl I made for you
372
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,164
from that ceramics class I took.
373
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,861
Does it?
374
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:53,039
There are two of those beauties?
375
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:58,566
Oh. Oh, look at this.
376
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,916
A coffee pot.
377
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,440
It'’s just like the one
I used in the play.
378
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:06,139
Oh, God, I really made
a mess of that.
379
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,054
I quit, and then I lied
about quitting,
380
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:11,013
and now I'’m thatperson.
381
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,015
Victoria, you lie all the time.
382
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,234
And usually
it makes me feel good,
383
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:17,454
but not this time.
384
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,717
And the director was so nice.
385
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:21,241
He deserves to know the truth.
386
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,025
I don'’t want to be
an awful person.
387
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,245
Well, I am an awful person.
388
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,986
Why am I trying to turn Dane
into a woman?
389
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,683
I don'’t need another girlfriend.
390
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,467
I have you guys
to notice my new bag
391
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:32,687
or ask me how I'’m feeling.
392
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:36,125
I need to get laid.
393
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:37,387
[George Clooney barks]
394
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,606
[Joy]
Oh, my God, look.
395
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,130
It'’s Little Bob.
396
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,437
George Clooney
found Little Bob.
397
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,917
Good boy.
398
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,745
Thank you, George Clooney.
399
00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,965
Oh, come on. Come on.
400
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,575
Oh, please make voodoo work.
401
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,577
Please make voodoo work.
402
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,101
[sighs]
Nothing.
403
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,798
Why did I think
this would work?
404
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,800
What if Bob'’s hurt?
405
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,236
What if he'’s stuck
between two rocks
406
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,587
and has to eat
his own arm off?
407
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:05,807
It'’s only been a few hours.
408
00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:08,766
He gets really hungry.
409
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:09,767
Wait.
410
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:12,378
I have no bars.
411
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:13,902
What if they'’re trying
to reach me?
412
00:17:13,944 --> 00:17:16,252
What can I do to get
a better signal?
413
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:19,125
Well, once I was up
for a television pilot.
414
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:23,215
It was a female MacGyver
called Lady MacGyver.
415
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,478
It was down to Markie Postand me.
416
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:25,695
Get to the point.
417
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,872
Markie got it.
418
00:17:27,915 --> 00:17:30,179
No, you idiot, the signal.
419
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:33,922
Oh, first we have to attach
the phone to a rod
420
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,490
and then find
a metallic conductor,
421
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,187
preferably something
with gold filaments.
422
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,015
[gasps]
My shorts.
423
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,631
[phone dings]
- [gasps]
424
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,938
I got a message.
425
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,809
Bob'’s okay.
426
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:55,335
He was found by rescue dogs.
Yay.
427
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:57,380
Oh, Bob.
428
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:58,860
Wait a minute.
429
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,602
There'’s something pinned
to his heart.
430
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,473
[gasps]
It'’s a necklace.
431
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,693
So that'’s what the note meant.
432
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:08,739
"Never has a heart been
as full as mine."
433
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,132
It is beautiful.
434
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,568
I know.
435
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:14,223
Not that I care
about such things.
436
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:17,966
The important thing is,
Bob is safe.
437
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:19,098
[whispering]
Diamonds!
438
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:24,929
So that'’s why I quit.
439
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,540
It wasn'’t because I was sick.
440
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:29,151
It--it was because
I was scared.
441
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,632
I can'’t believe
you were scared.
442
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:34,591
I was scared to work with you,
the great Victoria Chase.
443
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,158
[scoffs]
444
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,073
Don'’t be fooled
by all my awards.
445
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,335
I'’m not even talking
about that.
446
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:43,339
Why not?
I won a damn Oscar.
447
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:46,908
A long time ago, we were
in acting class together.
448
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,346
Oh, right. You--
449
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,827
Yeah, don'’t even pretend
to remember me.
450
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,785
I sat in the back,
and I never said anything,
451
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,178
but I watched you.
452
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,354
Victoria, you were fearless.
453
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,748
I was, wasn'’t I?
454
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,924
But I was young and stupid
with nothing to lose.
455
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,317
What do you have
to lose now?
456
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,842
Everything.
I am an Oscar winner.
457
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,713
Well, you can'’t lose that.
458
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:10,975
If a meteor fell on us
right now,
459
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,629
the headline would read,
460
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:15,850
"Oscar Winner Victoria Chase
Killed in Fiery Explosion."
461
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:19,636
Oh, I do like
the sound of that.
462
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,508
It wouldn'’t say,
"Victoria Chase,
463
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:24,424
Who Got Cut
from Some Dopey HBO Show."
464
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,687
No, you'’re right.
That show was dopey.
465
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,516
I mean, why am I letting that
get me down?
466
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,997
I want to be that actress that
you remember from back then.
467
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,739
Yeah, stupid and fearless.
468
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:38,002
Okay, you just give me
another chance,
469
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:42,224
and I think I could be
that stupid again.
470
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,444
I know you can.
471
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,975
Dane. Hi.
What are you doing here?
472
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:56,369
I came here
because you'’re here.
473
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:59,198
But you broke up with me
three days ago.
474
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,940
Why was that again?
475
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:04,551
Because I drugged you
with female hormones
476
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:07,771
and then lied about it.
477
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:10,513
Stuff happens.
478
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,515
Don'’t worry.
It'’s out of my system now.
479
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:16,084
Well, great. Great.
480
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,651
Listen, I--I know I did wrong,
481
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,392
and we really should
talk about it,
482
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:22,786
because if you can'’t have trust
in a relationship and--
483
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,571
- Oh, my God.
- What?
484
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,137
You weren'’t even listeningto me.
485
00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:27,617
You were staring at my chest.
486
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:28,314
You'’re back!
487
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,453
[upbeat music]
488
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:39,716
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
489
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,110
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
490
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:47,028
♪
491
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:49,378
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
492
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:52,033
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba
493
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:57,952
♪
494
00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:01,956
♪ Hey!
34524
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