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1
00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:04,352
- hot in cleveland
Is recorded
2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:05,744
In front of
A live studio audience.
3
00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:08,007
- brunch was really nice,
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,487
But did you really need to tell
Everybody in the restaurant
5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:10,619
That it was our anniversary?
6
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,360
- it was our anniversary.
7
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:14,362
- it's only been six weeks.
8
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,015
- I hear what you're saying.
9
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,975
"Where's my present?"
10
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,804
Well, here it is.
11
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,371
It's a year's membership
To a wine club.
12
00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:25,286
We'll get a bottle every month,
13
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,418
So we'll always have something
To take to max and pam's.
14
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,768
- who are max and pam?
15
00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,509
- our best couple friends.
16
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,294
We haven't actually met them
Yet,
17
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,905
So the names are just
Placeholders.
18
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:38,299
But in my head,
He's a human rights lawyer,
19
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,344
And she loves to
Pickle vegetables.
20
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,129
Pam the pickler.
21
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,261
- oh, jack, stop.
22
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:46,089
You are moving
Way too fast for me.
23
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,091
I just--
I need a little space, okay?
24
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:51,442
I mean, how can I miss you
If you won't go away?
25
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:57,318
- I think I understand.
26
00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:59,146
I'll take my foot off the gas
And put it on the brake.
27
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,495
- thank you.
28
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,366
- and if I slip up,
29
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:05,282
Don't be afraid to flash
Your headlights.
30
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:07,502
That's--I didn't mean--
31
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,069
Okay.
32
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,725
- ugh, I'm gonna have to
Break up with jack.
33
00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:15,423
- why?
What's going on?
34
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,468
- she'd rather not talk
About it.
35
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,557
- no, I would like to talk
About it.
36
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:24,214
- I meant I'd rather not hear
About it.
37
00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:25,520
[knock at door]
38
00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:26,956
- just one thing, melanie.
39
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:29,089
Prior to you asking for space,
40
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,743
I picked out
A lakeside condo for us.
41
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,136
Hoping you'd be able to have
A look at it
42
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:36,400
Before I lose the deposit.
43
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,706
- jack, I'm not gonna go
Look at a condo.
44
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,577
- right.
45
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,491
I'll leave you with
The condo brochure.
46
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:44,495
Please take note
Of the master bath bidet.
47
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,454
[door clicks]
48
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:47,497
- do you see why I have to
Break up with him?
49
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,587
- oh, he's too clingy.
50
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:52,590
- he's like spanx
You can't get off.
51
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,505
[doorbell dings]
- oh, god.
52
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,246
There he is again.
Somebody else answer it.
53
00:01:56,289 --> 00:01:56,768
I'm not here.
- fine, I'll get it.
54
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,644
Holy crap!
55
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,213
Dad?
56
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,736
- hello, victoria.
57
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,346
Hello, ladies.
58
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:10,651
[door clicks]
59
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,089
- what are you doing here?
60
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,873
- can't I just drop in
And see my little girl?
61
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:16,527
- seriously?
62
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,790
We haven't spoken
In six months,
63
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,966
And our last conversation ended
With me calling you a has-been
64
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:23,621
And you calling me a hack.
65
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,015
And now you just show up?
66
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:28,103
- well, I'm dying to see
The football hall of fame.
67
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,193
Oh, let me rephrase that.
68
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,369
I'd like to see
The football hall of fame,
69
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:35,503
And I'm dying.
70
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,374
- oh, my god, daddy.
71
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:38,593
Three months?
72
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,769
- that's what the doctors say.
73
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,250
But, as an old actor, I'd like
To milk it to six months.
74
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:44,468
- [chuckles]
75
00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,209
- doctors.
76
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,602
Do you remember
When I played
77
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,212
Noah wyle's mentor on er?
78
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,430
- mm.
79
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,476
And you brought such humanity
80
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,130
To that alien doctor you played
On lost in space.
81
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,653
- yes.
82
00:02:55,697 --> 00:03:00,092
But that robot
Was an a-hole.
83
00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:02,573
You know, honey, I know that
We've never really gotten along.
84
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,314
- no, just forget it.
85
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,360
I mean, that all seems
So silly now.
86
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:07,535
Is there anything
I can do for you?
87
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:09,450
Anything at all?
88
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,930
- well, just being here
With you is enough.
89
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:14,498
Although I would like to work.
90
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,805
One last hurrah would be nice.
91
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,547
- well, I could help you
With that.
92
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,114
My hbo show--I'm sure
I could get you something.
93
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:23,551
- really?
Well, I don't want to put you
94
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:24,856
In any kind of awkward position.
95
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,641
- no, I really want to do this.
96
00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:28,382
I'm gonna call my producer
Right now.
97
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,513
But, um...
- [coughing]
98
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,036
- before I go,
Can I get you something?
99
00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:32,777
- oh, no, no, no, no.
You make that call.
100
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,823
I'll just go get
A glass of water.
101
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:37,913
Elka.
102
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,828
How is it possible
103
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,699
That you just get
More and more beautiful?
104
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:45,921
- it surprises me too.
105
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:49,881
- you know, when you don't have
Much time left,
106
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,884
You realize you want to live
Every moment to the fullest.
107
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:56,279
- let me stop you right there.
108
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,716
I don't date actors.
109
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,806
- victoria said that
You slept with sinatra.
110
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,634
He was an actor.
111
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:06,985
- he was sinatra.
112
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:10,815
You break the rules
For sinatra.
113
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:13,253
- so no ring-a-ding-ding?
114
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:14,689
- not this time, junior.
115
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,784
- hello, bernie.
116
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,742
It's alex chase,
Your favorite client.
117
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,570
Listen, it's looking good
On this hbo thing.
118
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,137
I told my daughter
A little white lie,
119
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,182
And she pulled some strings.
120
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:34,230
Who knows, I could ride
This show for five years.
121
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,493
Uh, I'll call you back
When I know more.
122
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,974
[coughs]
Oh, hi, joy.
123
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,628
I was just talking
To my doctor.
124
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,412
- I heard you on the phone.
125
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,196
You're not dying.
126
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,589
How could you do this
To victoria?
127
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,548
This is gonna break her heart.
128
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,289
- only if you tell her.
- which I'm going to.
129
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,203
- no, w-wait, wait,
Wait, wait,
130
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:53,771
What will it cost me
To keep you quiet, huh?
131
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,686
$5.00?
132
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,471
6.00? 7.00?
133
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,082
I really need this job.
134
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,127
- daddy, I did it.
135
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,390
And not only
Are they gonna cast you,
136
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,869
It's a terrific part,
137
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,349
And we have two scenes together.
138
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,308
- oh, honey, that's wonderful.
139
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,353
- oh, I can't believe it.
140
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,746
I mean, to think that
We almost missed this chance
141
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,835
To act together.
142
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:16,054
You know, this is something
That I've wanted
143
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,187
Ever since the first time I came
And visited you on a set.
144
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:22,496
- oh, honey, it's a dream
Come true for me as well.
145
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,019
- oh, joy,
Isn't this great news?
146
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,237
- yes, great.
147
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:27,239
- what's the role?
148
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:31,983
- oh, you're playing
A smooth-talking con man.
149
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:35,900
- couldn't think of
A better part.
150
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:38,512
[upbeat music]
151
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,775
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
152
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,908
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
153
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,519
♪ hey!
154
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,172
- we'll be right back
With more
155
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,131
He said, she said
After these messages.
156
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:50,437
- hey, um,
Let me ask you something.
157
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,221
- huh?
158
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:53,875
- jack is so clingy,
And I got to break up with him,
159
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,659
But I--
How do I let him down easy?
160
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,922
- you can't let guys down easy.
161
00:05:57,966 --> 00:06:01,143
You got to smack 'em in the head
Or they won't get it.
162
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,145
Hey, look. Pretend I'm your
Boyfriend and break up with me.
163
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:04,886
But don't be sweet about it.
164
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:05,800
- okay.
165
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,455
[clears throat]
166
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,674
Frankie,
You're an obnoxious jerk,
167
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,154
I'm sick of your face,
168
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,764
And I don't want
To date you anymore.
169
00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:14,939
- gee whiz, melanie.
- oh, frankie.
170
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,506
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant--
171
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:19,988
- that was a test.
You failed.
172
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,859
Look, you got to be ten times
Stronger than that.
173
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,426
Just walk in there,
Drop the bomb,
174
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,427
And walk away.
175
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,820
Like james bond.
176
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,604
Can you do that?
- yeah.
177
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,127
- melanie, you got to act
Like you want it.
178
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,781
- I want it.
- come on.
179
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,566
Say it like you mean it.
- I want it, frankie.
180
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:33,871
I want it really bad.
I want it so bad.
181
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,004
- whoa, melanie.
No means no.
182
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:37,397
Can we just do the show please?
183
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,449
- so that's it.
It's over between us.
184
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:47,798
- I don't understand.
185
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,800
Can't we talk about this?
- no.
186
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:51,802
I dropped the bomb,
And now I'm walking away
187
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,500
Like james bond.
188
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,545
- but james bond
Doesn't drop bombs.
189
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,505
He defuses them.
190
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:01,682
- well, I'm--I'm sure he dropped
A bomb in some movie.
191
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:03,945
- moonraker,maybe.
192
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,687
- jack, it's over,
193
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:10,038
And I think, for a while,
It's best if we don't even talk.
194
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,953
- but I'm your neighbor.
195
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:13,694
What if I see a car
Barreling toward you?
196
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,783
Surely I can talk to you then.
197
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:17,654
Hey, melanie, watch out!
198
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:20,570
You're gonna be crushed
By a runaway car!
199
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:23,573
- no, not even then.
200
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,184
Good-bye, jack.
201
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:26,794
- melanie.
202
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,629
- so, listeners,
It pains me
203
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,500
To tell you this,
204
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,241
But frankie gave me
Some good advice.
205
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:40,938
I took it,
And it turned out great.
206
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,897
- yeah,
She dumped her boyfriend,
207
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,115
So now she's just another
Middle-aged woman
208
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:47,075
Looking for love.
209
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:51,340
Which is great news for all
The cat shelters out there.
210
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,298
- so, frankie, how's it going
With your girlfriend?
211
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,213
- uh, well, I'll be honest,
212
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,346
We've hit
A bit of a bumpy patch.
213
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,217
- oh, really?
What happened?
214
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:00,610
Did she spring a leak
And get deflated?
215
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:03,004
- [chuckles]
216
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,832
- okay, let's take
Our last caller.
217
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,094
It's a guy
With a relationship problem.
218
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,269
Hi, how can we help?
219
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:09,227
Jack: yes, long-time listener.
220
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,273
It seems I'm in a spot
Of trouble with my lady.
221
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:13,318
- [mouthing words]
It's jack.
222
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,537
- she sent me packing,
But I'm here to win her back
223
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,366
With a song.
224
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:18,976
[plays discordant chord]
♪ my lady
225
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369
- oh. Oh, look at that.
226
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,719
We lost the caller.
227
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,286
I guess we'll just
Have to go to commercial.
228
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,636
Now. Now!
229
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,160
What is he doing here?
I dropped the bomb.
230
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,119
I walked away.
Now what do I do?
231
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:31,598
- look, just go out that way.
I'll handle it.
232
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,390
- where'd she go?
- hey, look.
233
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:42,957
It's over with melanie, okay?
234
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,612
Just move on to someone else.
235
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:46,961
- I don't know
Where to begin.
236
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:48,832
I'm a one-woman guy.
237
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:51,487
Two if you count my mum.
238
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,315
- look, you got to forget
About her, okay?
239
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,273
And I can help you with that.
240
00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:57,319
You even been to
A gentlemen's club?
241
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,364
- wait, you talking about
Strippers?
242
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,410
Those places seem a bit sketchy.
243
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:05,632
- nah, you're thinking about
The ones that have a buffet.
244
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,764
- well, I guess
I could give it a try.
245
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,853
It better not be
One of those ones
246
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,855
Where they rip off the skivvy
And there's a penis.
247
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,381
That's one bachelor party
I'd rather forget.
248
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,259
- so you've been lying to me
All this time?
249
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:25,652
- I'm sorry.
250
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,044
I just got caught up in it.
251
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,742
Will you ever forgive me?
252
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,134
- of course
She can't forgive you.
253
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:31,875
What you did was horrible.
254
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:32,963
- what?
Joy, that's not in the script.
255
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,664
We're running lines here.
256
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,013
Don't improvise.
257
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,797
- I'm sorry.
258
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,930
I just decided
My character's backstory
259
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,975
Is that she knows the truth
About the con man
260
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,369
And desperately wants to tell
Someone about it.
261
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:49,806
- well, that's an odd attitude
For the court stenographer.
262
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,336
- maybe you're overthinking it.
263
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,599
- small part fever.
264
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:00,948
- [laughs]
265
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,732
- you may not get that.
266
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:03,777
We're having a laugh
At your expense.
267
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,873
Oh, daddy,
This is so much fun.
268
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,831
And I know
This is gonna sound strange,
269
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,573
But I almost wish
You were dying years ago.
270
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,751
- I know what you mean,
Sweetheart.
271
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,971
I can't remember when
We've ever been this close.
272
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,407
- it's just such a waste,
You know,
273
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,061
All those years of fighting.
274
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,540
What were we even fighting
About?
275
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:31,282
- oh, it doesn't matter anymore.
276
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:33,458
The fact is, we're together now.
[coughing]
277
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,678
- let me get you some water.
278
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:40,290
- uh, the doctor says
Scotch would be better.
279
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,859
- I didn't finish the script,
280
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,340
So I'm curious
How this story ends.
281
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:49,213
How long does this con man think
He can keep up this charade?
282
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,999
- perhaps he hasn't thought it
All through yet.
283
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:54,001
- well,
Perhaps he should realize
284
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,177
That there's only so long
The court stenographer
285
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,962
Can sit on this
Before telling her friend.
286
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:02,270
- this sounds like
A terrible show.
287
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:11,366
- you know, I think I've had
Enough acting for one evening.
288
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,197
- well, elka,
289
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,417
It looks like fate wants us
To be alone at last.
290
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:22,072
- you know my policy
About actors.
291
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,379
- oh, forget I'm an actor.
292
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,424
Right now, I'm just a boy
Standing in front of a girl
293
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:27,904
Saying, "I'm dying.
294
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:31,299
Will you sleep with me?"
295
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,431
- if I fell for that,
296
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,738
I'd have to sleep with every guy
At the senior center.
297
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,790
- what?
He's not dying?
298
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:45,966
Oh, my god.
What are you gonna do?
299
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,229
- well, I have two choices.
300
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:51,058
Tell victoria and destroy their
Beautiful reconciliation...
301
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:54,148
- or not tell her,
And when she finds out,
302
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,758
She'll be mad that you knew
And said nothing.
303
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,847
- or, third choice,
304
00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,023
We could drink,
Pick up guys,
305
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,111
And let the crazy actors
Figure it out for themselves.
306
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,987
- why'd you want to come here?
307
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,858
I mean, we could get a drink
Over at the--
308
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,033
Oh, that's why you wanted
To come here.
309
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:12,079
- I just had to see her again.
310
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,820
- look, man,
This kind of desperation
311
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,560
Is exactly why women dump you,
Okay?
312
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,562
You got to be cool, aloof.
313
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:18,955
Act like they don't exist.
314
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,696
- and women like that?
315
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,611
- you can't care
What women like.
316
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,047
That's what they like.
317
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:30,010
- oh, no.
Jack is here.
318
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,839
I hope he doesn't make
Another scene.
319
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:33,840
- hey, joy.
320
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,019
- well, he seems to have gotten
The message.
321
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,281
He didn't even look at you.
322
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,283
- he didn't, did he?
323
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,980
I mean, three hours ago,
324
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:46,026
He was serenading me
On the air,
325
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:47,854
And now he can't even
Acknowledge my existence.
326
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,159
So good for him.
[chuckles]
327
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:53,120
Good for him.
328
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,775
You know, the problem was never
That he wasn't cute enough.
329
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,603
- melanie, don't let him
Suck you in.
330
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:02,303
I mean, sure, he's ignoring you
And acting like you don't exist,
331
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:06,307
And, sure, that's hot and sexy
And appealing.
332
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,309
But the minute
You take him back,
333
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,615
He'll be committed and kind
And thoughtful.
334
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:14,054
He'll be awful again.
335
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:17,100
- maybe.
Or maybe he's changed.
336
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:18,928
- where are you going?
337
00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:20,147
- I'm just gonna go check
On our drinks.
338
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:23,803
Take it easy, joy.
339
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:25,369
Hey, jack.
340
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:29,983
I said, "Hey, jack."
341
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,159
- I don't care.
342
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,905
Wait, I do care.
343
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,297
I can't play it cool.
344
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,386
Please take me back, melanie.
345
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,562
The condo people said
They'd give us another week.
346
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:47,000
I tried the bidet.
It's heaven.
347
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,045
- no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
348
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,873
No.
- all right, come on, pal.
349
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,396
Take a hint.
She's moved on.
350
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,528
- moved on?
With who?
351
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,182
- with someone.
352
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:56,618
- someone who?
353
00:13:56,661 --> 00:14:00,665
- with frankie.
354
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,058
- oh, yeah. Yeah.
355
00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:04,060
I mean, you know how it is.
356
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,888
You sit next to a beautiful
Woman for hours every day.
357
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,108
She's yapping about something.
358
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,937
You're undressing her
With your eyes.
359
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,287
- I'm so sorry, jack.
360
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:17,857
I'm, you know, just crazy
About this bald, mean man.
361
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,209
- some friend
You turned out to be.
362
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:24,994
You've stolen my girl.
363
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:28,345
- hey, look, I'm sorry, pal.
364
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,346
No hard feelings?
365
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,749
Wow.
366
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:43,665
That clingy little boyfriend
Of yours sure packs a punch.
367
00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:46,189
- he was
An amateur boxing champion,
368
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,800
And he was in
The new zealand special forces.
369
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:51,629
You know, he actually killed
A few guys.
370
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,370
- why didn't you tell me that
Before you volunteered me
371
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,198
To be your lover?
372
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,939
- sorry about that.
- yeah.
373
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,985
- but, hey,
Here's the good news.
374
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,029
You don't have to pretend
To be my lover anymore.
375
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,944
- eh, it wasn't so bad.
376
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,206
- really?
377
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,731
- [sighs]
378
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,559
Look, melanie, there's
Something I got to tell you.
379
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:11,345
Um, I got an offer
From a radio station
380
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,781
In dallas,
381
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:16,045
And I'm gonna take it.
382
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:16,741
- oh.
383
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:21,964
Well, I'm gonna miss you.
384
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,096
- I'm gonna miss you too.
385
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,488
You're a pain in the ass,
386
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:27,274
But you do make me laugh.
387
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:30,016
- same.
388
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,147
- I mean, you know,
Maybe I could talk
389
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,149
To the station in dallas,
390
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:35,282
And maybe
They could take you too.
391
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:36,544
I mean, we could be a team
Again.
392
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,199
And, you know, after work,
393
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,853
Maybe we could get a beer
Or have dinner,
394
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,638
Or perhaps we could just
395
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:45,683
Take turns
Cooking for each other.
396
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:48,991
Oh, my god, what the [bleep]
Are you doing to me?
397
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,906
- I'm not doing anything.
398
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,125
- yeah, you are.
It's you.
399
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,300
You're the problem.
400
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,302
This is what you do to men,
You know?
401
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,086
You make them think
About long-term relationships.
402
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,827
You stimulate
Their commitment gland.
403
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,829
- [scoffs]
404
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,874
Don't you think you share
Some responsibility
405
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,660
For your own feelings?
406
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:08,315
- no.
407
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,621
Look, I'm leaving, okay?
408
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:14,190
But I'll email you
When I get there.
409
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,279
You know, I'll shoot you
The occasional text.
410
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,020
Perhaps we could try
Facetime.
411
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,152
Oh, my god,
You're doing it again.
412
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,805
I got to get away from you.
413
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:28,378
- elka, you should have seen
414
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:29,597
My little girl today.
415
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,642
That scene with paul giamatti--
416
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:34,080
She acted the pants off him.
417
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:37,866
- tell me when you're acting
With mark wahlberg.
418
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,784
- victoria's so happy.
419
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,915
It's gonna kill her
When she finds out the truth.
420
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,049
- which is why we're bringing
An end to it tonight.
421
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,182
- what, we're just gonna come
Right out and tell her?
422
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,487
- we're not gonna tell her
Anything.
423
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,707
He's going to tell her.
424
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:56,624
- ah.
425
00:16:56,667 --> 00:17:00,062
I don't get it.
426
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,585
- just follow my lead.
427
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,544
- okay.
428
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:05,762
- [chuckles]
429
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,766
- victoria,
Melanie and I were talking,
430
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:12,465
And since your father
Has so little time left,
431
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:15,382
We think
You should spend it together.
432
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,165
- yes. Yes.
433
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,605
Joy and I were talking,
434
00:17:21,648 --> 00:17:24,739
And--and that is exactly
What we were thinking.
435
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:30,875
So I'm gonna let joy
Tell you the rest.
436
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:37,621
- we found a lovely facility
Here in cleveland
437
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:40,102
Where your father can live out
The rest of his days.
438
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,451
- joy, wait, wait,
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
439
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,497
That's very kind of you,
440
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,846
But I would never want to be
A burden to anyone.
441
00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:47,109
- burden? Never.
442
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,371
But you shouldn't be
In a facility.
443
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,634
You should be with me.
444
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:53,507
No, I'm sure that we can set up
A bed for you right down here.
445
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,465
- yes, and we can get
A large male nurse
446
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,814
To carry you to the shower.
447
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:05,997
- oh, you can be
My little invalid.
448
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,521
So what do you say?
449
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:09,436
- well, I--I--
450
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:11,655
Really, I don't know
What to say, except--
451
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,614
Oh, damn it.
452
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:17,139
I have a major announcement
To make.
453
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,620
Victoria, I lied to you.
454
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:20,664
I'm not dying.
455
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,579
- what?
456
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,668
You've been faking
All this time?
457
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,975
Oh, daddy, how could you do
Such a heinous thing?
458
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,629
- because I thought that you--
459
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:29,804
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
460
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:33,329
You're overplaying your shock.
461
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:35,157
You knew I was faking it,
Didn't you?
462
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,680
- yes.
463
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,987
Well, not at first.
464
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:42,730
That medicinal scotch
Kind of tipped me off.
465
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,863
But once I figured it out,
I was shocked.
466
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,735
That you would manipulate me
Emotionally,
467
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,215
Tell me that you had
Three months to live
468
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,694
Just to get a job?
469
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:51,739
Well, that is not just cruel.
470
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,132
That is typical.
471
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:54,785
- typical?
472
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,700
I've done so many things
For you
473
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,920
That you never even
Thanked me for.
474
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:00,617
Do you think you would have had
All your success
475
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,184
If it wasn't for me?
476
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:03,838
- oh, you want thanks?
Okay.
477
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,145
Thank you for cheating on mom,
478
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,929
Thank you for never being there
For me when I needed you,
479
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,758
Thank you--
480
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:11,759
Oh, my god.
481
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:12,934
- what?
482
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,892
- why are we doing this again?
483
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:18,592
Fighting like this?
484
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:22,030
Daddy, wasn't it better
A couple of minutes ago
485
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:24,075
When we put
Our resentments aside
486
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,904
And just celebrated
What we love about each other?
487
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:30,995
- but I was dying then.
488
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,433
- well, in a way,
Aren't we all dying?
489
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,696
- we are.
490
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,611
- so can't we just act
As if we are?
491
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:42,572
It seems like a much better way
To go through life.
492
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,184
- that would be
A great acting challenge--
493
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,838
Me pretending to be dying,
494
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:53,235
You pretending not knowing
That I'm pretending to be dying.
495
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,020
- if anyone can pull that off,
Daddy, we can.
496
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:59,285
- [chuckles]
497
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:00,938
- our plan worked!
498
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,465
- yes.
You were excellent.
499
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,864
- so you're not dying.
500
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,779
[chuckles]
501
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,825
Maybe you're a better actor
Than I thought.
502
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:24,527
- would you say sinatra-level?
503
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:27,269
- you are shameless.
504
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,836
- yes, I am.
505
00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:30,664
- I like it.
506
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,457
[upbeat music]
507
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,981
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
508
00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:46,114
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
509
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:51,032
♪
510
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,382
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
511
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:55,297
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
512
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,612
♪ hey!
36250
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