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1
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:04,265
- hot in cleveland
Is recorded in front
2
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:05,396
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,703
[doorbell rings]
4
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,792
- oh, yes.
5
00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:11,402
Oh, you'’re probably wondering
What all the balloons are for.
6
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:14,884
My daughter just
Got into harvard medical school.
7
00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,103
- hey, that'’s a good school.
8
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,626
- it'’s a great school.
9
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,541
- probably gets her smarts
From her mom.
10
00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,456
- oh, well, I don'’t think
I'’m harvard material,
11
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,936
But I do have a lot
Of common sense.
12
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,335
- he'’s waiting for a tip,
Melanie.
13
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:35,992
- oh. Yes, I knew that.
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,385
Oh, I'’m just so excited.
15
00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:38,821
Jenna'’s gonna
Be here any minute.
16
00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,344
I'’m gonna hide these
In the guest room.
17
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,085
- well, now that jenna'’s going
To med school,
18
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:45,088
Can she prescribe xanax?
19
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,655
- I want some too.
20
00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:48,439
- I need it more.
21
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:52,400
I shot a nude scene
For my hbo series yesterday.
22
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:55,316
Ugh, the lighting
On that set was so harsh.
23
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,492
I mean,
I don'’t want lena dunham nudity,
24
00:00:57,535 --> 00:01:01,452
Where everyone calls you brave
But you look terrible.
25
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,150
- well, why don'’t you put
Your mind at ease
26
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,108
And go see
The footage yourself?
27
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,197
- visit the film editor?
28
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:10,592
Those pale, toad-like people
Who sit hunched in the dark
29
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:13,595
Just watching footage all day?
30
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,684
I'’ve never lowered
Myself that way, but...
31
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:21,690
Desperate times
Call for selfish measures.
32
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:26,042
- you know who always
Looks great on camera?
33
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,263
Me.
34
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,003
- right. Elka had her picture
In the paper today.
35
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,527
- oh.
36
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:36,792
Councilwoman ostrovsky
Poses with councilman for a day,
37
00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,533
Lance matthews.
38
00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,752
Mm. This kid sounds impressive.
39
00:01:40,795 --> 00:01:45,975
Boy scout, straight-a student.
- nerd.
40
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:48,630
- I thought he was coming
To the house--where is he?
41
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,850
- he'’s taking care
Of some important city business.
42
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:56,551
- your cocktail, councilwoman.
43
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,467
- I serve the people.
44
00:01:59,509 --> 00:02:03,123
He serves me.
45
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,213
- I took the opportunity to boil
Down the council meeting minutes
46
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,389
To five concise bullet points.
47
00:02:08,431 --> 00:02:10,086
I'’m kind of a nerd.
48
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,524
- oh, don'’t call yourself names.
49
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,961
[phone beeps]
50
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:19,051
- ooh, jenna is also
Improving my social life.
51
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:20,575
I joined this dating website,
52
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,446
And they just matched me
With a man
53
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:26,058
Whose son is also going
To harvard medical school.
54
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:29,366
I wonder what we'’ll talk about.
55
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,412
- this won'’t get old.
56
00:02:31,454 --> 00:02:32,848
[doorbell rings]
57
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,066
- she'’s here.
Ee!
58
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:40,725
There'’s my beautiful genius!
59
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,684
- mom.
- oh, honey,
60
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,207
I'’m so proud of you!
- mom.
61
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,904
- harvard medical school.
I mean,
62
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,037
This has always been your dream.
- mom.
63
00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:50,126
I'’m not going to harvard.
64
00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:54,522
- what? Oh.
65
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,654
Well, can you excuse me
For a minute?
66
00:02:56,698 --> 00:03:00,136
[giggles]
I'’ll be right back!
67
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,269
[balloons popping]
68
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:06,316
[pop pop pop pop pop
Pop pop pop]
69
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:10,190
- so how was your flight?
70
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,977
[upbeat music]
71
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,240
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
72
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:20,329
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
73
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,591
♪ hey!
74
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:23,420
- honey, I don'’t understand.
75
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,814
You have always wanted
To be a doctor.
76
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:28,382
You used to give your barbies
Beauty marks and then scold them
77
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:32,168
For not having
'’em checked out for melanoma.
78
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,952
- and I gave ken
A vasectomy '’cause
79
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:37,391
They didn'’t feel like having
Kids at the dream house.
80
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,436
But I'’ve changed.
81
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,743
Medical school just
Doesn'’t feel right anymore.
82
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,614
- what does feel right?
83
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:46,356
- I don'’t know yet.
That'’s the exciting part.
84
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,271
But here'’s something
That'’ll make you feel good, mom.
85
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,186
I couldn'’t have
Done this if I didn'’t know
86
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:55,147
You would always
Support me no matter what.
87
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,541
- yeah, that does make me
Feel good.
88
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,937
- okay. I'’m gonna go unpack.
89
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,505
Hey, thank you
For respecting my choices
90
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,071
And not trying
To change my mind.
91
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,770
- of course, honey.
92
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:12,469
I hate her choices, and we'’ve
Got to change her mind!
93
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,166
- it'’s every parent's dilemma.
94
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,081
Do you let your kids
Make their own mistakes,
95
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,170
Or do you prevent them
From making huge mistakes?
96
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,390
- and this would be
A huge mistake.
97
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,565
I know her.
98
00:04:21,608 --> 00:04:23,741
Deep down,
She wants to be a doctor.
99
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:25,308
I think she'’s just
Freaking out a little bit.
100
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,137
- so say something to her.
- I can'’t.
101
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,748
If I say something to her,
We'’ll have a fight,
102
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,402
And jenna and I
Have never had a fight,
103
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,361
And I love that about us.
104
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,014
- my mother
And I do nothing but fight,
105
00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:39,582
And I love that about us.
106
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,019
How about I talk to her?
107
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:42,673
- really?
108
00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,633
That would be perfect, '’cause
She has always looked up to you.
109
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:49,724
And you would be a great friend
If you used that against her.
110
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,682
- consider it done.
111
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,728
You know, sometimes it'’s easier
Hearing things from someone
112
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,730
Who'’s not your mom.
113
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,079
- yeah, moms are pretty much
114
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,734
The worst people
To say anything to anybody.
115
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,344
At least that'’s
What my kids tell me,
116
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,128
And we have
A great relationship.
117
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,875
- knock, knock.
118
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,790
- wow. Victoria chase.
119
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:15,793
- I know.
120
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,839
- I'’m afraid you're not supposed
To be in here.
121
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:20,102
- well, I won'’t tell
If you won'’t.
122
00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,669
No, I always make it a point
123
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,975
To meet the entire crew
Of every production I'’m in.
124
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,151
- me too. Who have you met?
125
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:31,113
- uh...
I only know their nicknames.
126
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,115
Ponytail guy.
127
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:37,598
Fanny pack. Food lady.
128
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,904
Hey, now that we'’ve run into
Each other, would it be possible
129
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:42,254
For me to see some footage?
130
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,908
- maybe something
With you in it?
131
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,607
- oh, I can tell
We'’re gonna be good friends.
132
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,000
Why don'’t we take a look
At my love scene?
133
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,088
- sure.
134
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:51,263
- oh, thanks.
135
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,265
Cutty.
136
00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:55,398
Snippy?
137
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,834
- barney.
138
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,923
- is that really better?
139
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:05,016
- it is so good
Sitting here with you.
140
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:09,194
Three good friends
Talking and listening.
141
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,849
Especially listening to joy.
142
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,503
- you know, that'’s great
Because I was worried
143
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,853
You were gonna try and convince
Me to go to medical school.
144
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,464
- oh, not at all. No.
145
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:18,769
I would never be all like,
146
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,640
You know, "What the hell
Are you thinking?"
147
00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:21,598
You know,
148
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:24,427
And "You'’re making the biggest
Mistake of your life."
149
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,689
Which reminds me,
150
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:28,910
I have made huge mistakes
In my life
151
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:31,129
When I have not listened to joy.
152
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,348
Now, you guys have a nice visit.
153
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,704
[stomping]
154
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,053
See you later, you guys!
155
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:53,195
- is she the crazy one?
156
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,284
- we don'’t judge.
157
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,460
- because even crazy people
Vote?
158
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,420
- yes.
And when the weather'’s bad,
159
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:04,598
Sometimes only crazy people
Vote.
160
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:08,993
- wasn'’t it raining the day
You were elected?
161
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:11,213
- cats and dogs.
162
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:15,522
- oh, no.
163
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,175
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
164
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:20,527
Every--everything
Is so harsh and realistic.
165
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,485
- the director likes things
Plain and raw.
166
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,661
- well, that'’s fine
For a vegetable plate,
167
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:27,403
But this is my love scene.
168
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,926
Can'’t you do something?
169
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:31,015
- well, I actually have
This filter
170
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,844
That makes people look younger.
171
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,933
I call it
The benjamin button...Button.
172
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,766
- oh, my god.
173
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:45,247
I'’m beautiful.
174
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,727
- you are.
175
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,816
- oh, I have to say
That you really brought out my--
176
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,426
- inner soul?
177
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,517
- I was gonna say outer beauty,
But same thing.
178
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:58,347
Well, if there'’s ever anything
I can do for you--
179
00:07:58,390 --> 00:07:59,957
- actually...
180
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:02,046
I know it'’s last-minute,
181
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,222
But it'’s my sister's
Wedding tonight,
182
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,528
And I don'’t have a date.
183
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,051
- well, I'’m sure
That won'’t be a problem
184
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,052
For a young man like you.
185
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,925
- ha ha.
No, I meant, uh,
186
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:13,144
What if you came as my date?
187
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,319
If I showed up with you,
188
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,191
It would be the talk
Of the wedding.
189
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:20,761
- I do like to upstage a bride,
190
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,241
But I really think it'’s best
If we'’re just friends.
191
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,591
- then come as a friend.
192
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,288
- no, I meant the kind
Of friends who never
193
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:28,203
See each other
Outside of work.
194
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:32,163
Like fanny pack
Or food lady.
195
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,426
Bye, button guy.
- barney.
196
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,515
- I think that'’s what I said.
197
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:41,433
- and finally,
We'’ve got some birthday cards.
198
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:44,567
This is for marilyn,
The mayor'’s secretary.
199
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,569
- idiot.
200
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:50,225
- this is for larry,
Utilities.
201
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:53,054
- moron.
202
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,926
- gary owns the hot dog truck.
203
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:59,539
- god'’s work.
204
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,585
- oh, and remember,
Councilwoman, we have that 8:00
205
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,631
With the head
Of the sanitation department.
206
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,633
- damn,
I'’ve got to fire that guy.
207
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,852
- ooh, sounds tough.
208
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,854
How do you do it?
209
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:13,988
- you tell them they look tired.
210
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:15,642
Everybody'’s tired.
211
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,208
- I'’m not tired.
212
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:20,995
- you'’re 12.
213
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:23,867
Give it another year.
214
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:26,914
- shh, they'’re getting
To the important part.
215
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,830
- it'’s just that you were so
Passionate about medical school.
216
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,745
- I know,
But now I'’m not so sure.
217
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:34,922
- do you think
You might be a little scared?
218
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:37,272
I was scared when I first
Went to work as a detective.
219
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:39,883
- really?
- yes, but once I committed,
220
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,493
It felt right.
221
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:45,106
Oh, it'’s so exciting
Catching identity thieves,
222
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:50,024
Dressing up sexy
To honey trap cheating husbands.
223
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:53,897
Really, I help people.
224
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:58,598
Much like a doctor
Helps people, except less so.
225
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,164
- yeah,
I get what you'’re saying,
226
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,166
And I know mom really
Wants me to go to med school,
227
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,515
And she'’s never
Steered me wrong.
228
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,995
- [mouthing]
229
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,346
- except maybe this time.
230
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:10,566
Your job sounds so sexy
And cool.
231
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:14,439
Maybe I should be a detective.
232
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,751
[loud footsteps]
- I'’m back.
233
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,840
I forgot I had to talk to joy
About something very important.
234
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,494
Joy, a word.
235
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,807
- joy! What have you done?
236
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,547
Now she wants to become
A detective?
237
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,811
- okay, clearly
We'’ve hit a small glitch.
238
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,639
I'’ve forgotten
How cool I am to the young.
239
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,252
- oh, my god.
240
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:46,210
My stupid date is tonight.
241
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,864
I'’m just gonna have to cancel
Until we can figure this out.
242
00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,083
- no, don'’t cancel.
243
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,127
I'’ll fix this.
244
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,172
- you better.
245
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,695
I--I really have to get ready.
246
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,610
I kind of exaggerated
On my profile a little bit,
247
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,612
So I only have two hours
To grow 6 inches
248
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,353
And learn salsa dancing.
249
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:01,791
- joy, wait till you
250
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,011
See this gorgeous screen shot
From my nude scene.
251
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,927
That editor transformed me
From the realistic way
252
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:09,669
I was shot to the way
I actually look in my head.
253
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,411
- victoria, there'’s a kid here.
254
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:14,935
- why are you shielding him?
255
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,371
I'’m the one
Who doesn'’t want to see it.
256
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,942
- victoria, you look flawless.
257
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:24,074
- I know.
258
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,555
Look. A tiny blemish.
259
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:30,559
Look. A huge blemish.
260
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,518
- well, maybe
You'’d like this better.
261
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:36,260
- what is that?
Like, a giant sea sponge?
262
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,262
- let me just pull back here.
263
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:42,179
- oh, my god,
That'’s my ass!
264
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,964
You gave me cellulite!
265
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:47,750
- people will call it
A very brave performance.
266
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,796
- you bastard.
How could you?
267
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:51,711
- not having a date
To my sister'’s wedding
268
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,451
Must'’ve put me
In an ugly mood.
269
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:54,975
- so you'’re blackmailing me?
270
00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:02,373
All right.
So what if you did have a date?
271
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:07,161
- well, I'’d say that would...
Smooth things over.
272
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:12,949
- aw! And what if that date was
Just for a fun coffee instead?
273
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,040
Fine!
274
00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,563
Wedding it is.
275
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:26,310
- so councilwoman, to what does
The sanitation department
276
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:27,790
Owe this honor?
277
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:32,012
- well, actually, lance here
Is handling my meetings.
278
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,796
He'’s councilman for the day.
279
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,233
- oh, that'’s cute.
280
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:37,582
[ahem]
281
00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:41,108
Well, young man,
What can I do for you?
282
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:46,374
- jerry, you look
A little tired.
283
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,115
- well, sure, who isn'’t?
284
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,551
Wait.
285
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,727
Are you firing me?
286
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,381
Elka, what is this?
287
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,209
- he'’s the councilman, jerry.
288
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:58,168
My hands are tied.
289
00:12:58,212 --> 00:12:59,996
- I promised myself
290
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,650
I wouldn'’t spend the whole date
Talking about this,
291
00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:05,828
But our kids are going
To harvard medical school.
292
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,917
How do you keep from bragging?
293
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:11,660
- pretend that she
Decided not to go.
294
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:14,663
- you know, I worried
I pushed mine too hard,
295
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,926
But then you
Think of the alternative.
296
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,973
- oh, don'’t worry.
I think married men are sexy.
297
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:24,325
- how would you like that
To be your daughter?
298
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,556
- what the hell, joy?
299
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,384
You turned my baby
Into a honey trap?
300
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:41,559
You were supposed to fix this.
301
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,561
- I tried, but she'’s an adult,
302
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,390
And you said
You'’d respect her decisions.
303
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,044
Now, there'’s a hidden camera
On the patio.
304
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,177
All she has to do is get
One quick kiss with this guy,
305
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,526
And done.
- I'’m going in there.
306
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,268
- no. If you do,
You'’ll cause a big scene
307
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,792
And your no-fight record
Will be ruined.
308
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,228
- oh, that'’s low.
309
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,057
You know I love that record.
310
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:02,667
- you'’re right, lance.
311
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,192
Why hasn'’t my wife
Worked since I married her?
312
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,976
- it'’s jerry time now.
313
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,935
Go home
And tell her the good news.
314
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:16,943
- kid,
You played that perfectly.
315
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:20,424
Two martinis please.
316
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,904
- elka.
317
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:27,214
- oh, and a coke for junior.
318
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,563
- you are cute.
319
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,217
- so are you,
320
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,436
Although the borders around that
Mole on your neck are irregular.
321
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,483
You might want to have
That looked at.
322
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,485
- I like what I'’m
Looking at right now.
323
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,748
- how would you like
To kiss a real woman?
324
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,228
- what are you doing here?
325
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:43,317
- sure,
She'’s young and beautiful,
326
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,058
But wouldn'’t you
Prefer a vehicle
327
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:48,104
With a little more mileage
On it?
328
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:49,497
Kiss me.
- okay.
329
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,759
- what? No,
He'’s supposed to kiss me.
330
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:54,241
Go away,
Strange woman I don'’t know.
331
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:55,503
- kiss me.
- no, kiss me.
332
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:56,547
- no, kiss me.
333
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:57,984
- you know what you can kiss?
334
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,986
Half your money good-bye.
335
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,423
- sherri, honey, I can explain.
336
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,946
- what'’s there to explain?
337
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,993
You'’re cheating on me
With these two whores.
338
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:10,518
- my daughter is not a whore.
339
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,694
This is where you'’re
Supposed to say,
340
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,478
"My mom'’s not a whore either."
341
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:15,915
- she'’s not.
342
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,224
- mother and daughter?
343
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,356
You degenerate!
344
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,097
- honey, wait.
345
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:27,535
It was their fault.
- uh, melanie?
346
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,971
- oh, justin.
347
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,581
This isn'’t what it looks like.
348
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,061
No, I was just trying
To get that man to kiss me
349
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,368
Before he kissed my daughter.
350
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,938
Yeah, it'’s okay if you go.
351
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,333
- melanie,
I told you not to interfere.
352
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,987
- yeah, but I had to.
353
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,598
Jenna, honey, this isn'’t you.
354
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,949
You want to help people.
355
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,560
You don'’t want to be seducing
Sleazy men for money like joy.
356
00:15:57,043 --> 00:16:00,394
- that isn'’t my entire life.
357
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:04,224
Look, jenna is a natural
Born honey trap who will be
358
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:07,227
Sitting here seducing sleazy men
For years to come.
359
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,446
Right, jenna?
360
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,057
- actually, no.
361
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,145
This isn'’t me.
362
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,190
I was totally lame at it.
363
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:18,107
And then you came in
And were just as lame as I was .
364
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:21,502
- well, I didn'’t actually get
A chance to show my stuff.
365
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,810
But go on.
366
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,203
- mom,
You were right about school.
367
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,205
I think I just got scared.
368
00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:31,164
What if I'’m
The dumbest person there?
369
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:36,865
- then you'’re the dumbest person
At harvard medical school.
370
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:38,780
Wait a minute.
371
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:41,043
Honey, does this mean you
Changed your mind about going?
372
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,002
- okay, don'’t go crazy...
But yes.
373
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,134
- oh! Yes!
Oh, honey, thank you!
374
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,744
Thank you.
I'’m so proud of you!
375
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:50,835
My daughter'’s going
To harvard medical school!
376
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,707
Now go wipe that whorish
Makeup off your face.
377
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,709
- that'’s right.
I'’m not joy anymore.
378
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:05,675
- well, putting that aside,
My plan worked.
379
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,242
- what plan?
380
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:10,029
- I knew if I set her up
In this awful situation,
381
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,422
She would hate it
And come to her senses.
382
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,771
- wait, so none
Of this was real?
383
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:16,296
- all those people were actors.
- aw, joy.
384
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:19,125
Oh, thank you so much.
But why didn'’t you tell me?
385
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:20,996
I could'’ve played along.
- oh, you would'’ve blown it.
386
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,301
You'’re terrible at pretending.
387
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,954
- I am not.
388
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,435
- sorry, I forgot my purse.
389
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,523
- oh, well, I was just
Upbraiding joy, you know,
390
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,005
For getting you caught up
In all her shenanigans.
391
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051
Joy!
392
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:38,274
Yeah, you'’re right.
I would'’ve blown it.
393
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,675
- thanks for coming, victoria.
394
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,329
I'’m sorry
You didn'’t have more fun.
395
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,418
- well, as I said
To more than one ex-husband,
396
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:55,204
I did what you asked me to do,
But I can'’t pretend I liked it.
397
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,733
- but I really like you,
Victoria.
398
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:03,952
I look at your face all day,
399
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:06,085
And I never get tired of it.
400
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,522
- so you resorted to blackmail?
401
00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:11,351
- because you wouldn'’t have
Gone out with me otherwise.
402
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:14,180
You would have said I'’m not rich
Enough or famous enough,
403
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,920
Or I'’m too young.
404
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,662
Haven'’t you ever used blackmail
To get something you love?
405
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:22,492
- well, of course--that'’s
How I raised three children.
406
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:25,060
But barney,
You are very young.
407
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,062
- but victoria,
You look very young.
408
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,846
- well,
You can'’t argue the facts.
409
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:35,766
- I'’m just asking you
To think about it.
410
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,507
How bad would it be
Spending time with someone
411
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,118
Who'’s crazy about you?
412
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:45,907
- well,
You'’re certainly persistent.
413
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,953
All right, one date, and we'’ll
See where it goes from there.
414
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,095
- thank you,
Councilwoman ostrovsky.
415
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,444
I learned so much.
416
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,098
- [chuckling]
417
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:09,322
Lance matthews
For city council?
418
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,193
You want my job?
419
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:15,502
- I got a taste of power,
And I liked it.
420
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,286
- you'’re not old enough.
421
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:20,202
- actually, the council
Passed a bill changing that.
422
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,899
You sponsored it.
423
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:24,163
I slipped it in with some of
The paperwork that you signed.
424
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:25,599
You taught me that trick.
425
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,340
- I did.
426
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,212
I taught you
Everything you know,
427
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,563
But not everything I know.
428
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,217
- what does that mean?
429
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,785
- it means the mayor
Won'’t sign this bill.
430
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,308
- why not?
431
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:43,791
- because...
He'’s my boyfriend.
432
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,488
- that'’s not fair.
433
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,708
- you look tired, lance.
434
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,277
Go home to your family.
435
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:02,026
[upbeat music]
436
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:04,028
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
437
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,379
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
438
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:11,297
♪
439
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,603
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
440
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,127
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
441
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:24,048
♪
442
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:24,962
♪ hey!
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