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1
00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:03,655
- hot in clevelandis recorded
2
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,614
In front
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,485
- you know, I've never been
To a vodka tasting.
4
00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:08,573
Do you sip and spit?
5
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:10,619
- and waste good vodka?
6
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,534
Just swallow.
That's my motto.
7
00:00:12,577 --> 00:00:15,537
Don't you dare.
8
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:20,194
- unlike your boyfriends, joy,
I don't swing at the easy ones.
9
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,588
- mmm.
This stuff is great.
10
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:24,328
When are you
Shooting your commercial?
11
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,591
- next week.
12
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:29,203
Victoria chase for paleo vodka.
13
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:32,162
The vodka the cavemen drank.
14
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,991
- cavemen didn't drink vodka.
15
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,949
- well, you were there.
16
00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:42,477
- elka, the mayor is out there
Sitting alone.
17
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,957
You invited him over here,
So you could make nice.
18
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,350
- but I hate him.
19
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:47,743
We'll just end up fighting.
20
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,049
- oh, take this.
21
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:53,357
Nothing solves fights
Better than alcohol.
22
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,403
- this is a little heavy.
23
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:04,107
Lighter now.
24
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:06,327
There's no reason
We can't be nice to each other
25
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,285
For one night, mr. Mayor.
26
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:11,680
- no reason at all,
Councilwoman.
27
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:13,508
- your speech today was
28
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,119
Almost interesting.
29
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,252
- and your rebuttal
30
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:21,864
Almost made sense.
31
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:23,257
- hey, guys.
32
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,346
Owen, I see you've met
My boyfriend, jack.
33
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,435
- I've never met an owen
I didn't like,
34
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:28,958
And I've met over two owens.
35
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,829
- [laughs]
36
00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:32,440
How did you get to be
So adorable?
37
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,616
- might be because I'm descended
From kittens.
38
00:01:34,658 --> 00:01:36,270
- [laughs]
39
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,358
Isn't he the cutest?
40
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,142
- he's right up there.
41
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:40,970
[both laughing]
42
00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,799
I think I'm gonna go
Talk to my mother.
43
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:46,715
- hi, honey.
So how's things with you?
44
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,761
Have you asked debbieout yet?
45
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,329
- first of all, mom,
Stop saying her name that way.
46
00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:55,854
- like what?
I'm just saying debbie.
47
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:57,160
Is she pretty?
48
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,249
- yes, she's pretty,
But I work with her.
49
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,250
I want to take my time.
50
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,860
- you're right.
Don't rush.
51
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:05,386
Maybe tonight you'll meet a girl
At this party.
52
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:10,913
- looking good, owen.
53
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:16,136
- fine, I'll ask debbie out.
54
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,355
- well, it's been
An exciting evening, everyone,
55
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,009
But it's getting late.
56
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,315
I do have a long drive home.
57
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:23,752
- [laughs]
58
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:26,233
It's funny because he only lives
Across the street.
59
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:27,712
[laughs]
60
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,584
I'll see you in a little bit.
61
00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,107
- it'll seem like
A long bit to me.
62
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,023
- seems like a long bit
To all of us.
63
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,897
- what a fun evening.
64
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,290
Oh,
And don't you just love jack?
65
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,552
- absolutely.
66
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:42,901
- adore him.
67
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,207
- I know.
He's sweet, right?
68
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,555
- crazy sweet.
69
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,602
Sickeningly sweet.
70
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,430
And the two of them together
Makes my teeth hurt.
71
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:51,475
- oh,
It's like sugar dating syrup.
72
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,998
It makes me want to throw up...
73
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:56,393
My hands in the air and be
So happy for jack and melanie.
74
00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,265
- aww.
Thanks.
75
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,875
- oh.
76
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:03,792
You know, I am so pleased about
My paleo vodka endorsement.
77
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:07,187
I was disappointed not to be
The unicef ambassador, but...
78
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:11,278
In some ways, vodka ambassador
Helps far more people.
79
00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:14,019
- oh, it does.
- it so does.
80
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,282
It's gonna be great.
81
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,978
It's gonna be a disaster.
82
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,502
She never reads her contracts.
83
00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:20,461
- she just signs them,
And the next thing you know,
84
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:23,594
She's in north korea singing
"Happy birthday" to kim jong...
85
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,553
Un, deux, trois, quatre.
86
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:28,033
Yes, they're all here.
87
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,035
[phone chimes]
88
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,428
Oh, it's dwayne.
89
00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,561
He's flying in tomorrow
To do my hair.
90
00:03:33,603 --> 00:03:34,866
Thinking of going blonde.
91
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,478
- exciting.
- fabulous.
92
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,609
It's never gonna happen.
93
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,045
- who's she kidding?
94
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:41,090
I mean,
For as long as we've known her,
95
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:44,311
She's had the same hair...
She is!
96
00:03:44,353 --> 00:03:46,574
We were just saying how gorgeous
You are gonna be blonde.
97
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:47,879
- oh, totally.
98
00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:50,012
- okay, well,
I'm off to get ready
99
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:52,014
For my big romantic evening
With jack.
100
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,190
I'm gonna stay over
At his place tonight.
101
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,930
So, as they say
In new zealand...
102
00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:56,932
[new zealand accent]
G'night, ladies.
103
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,934
I'm off to have g'sex.
104
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:01,284
- g'brilliant.
- g'wonderful.
105
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,373
G'snore.
106
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,245
How boring is that sex gonna be?
107
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,247
- I know.
It's same with same.
108
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:10,424
It's like yams having sex
With sweet potatoes.
109
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:14,079
- the last thing you want is two
Nice people doing it politely.
110
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:17,082
Vanilla on vanilla is
The worst sex of all.
111
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,393
- is that vanilla I smell?
112
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:26,222
- yes, it's my scented candles.
113
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,310
They're called "Vanilla escape."
114
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,094
- mm.
115
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:30,661
- not too overpowering, though.
116
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:33,795
Nothing worse
Than over-scented candles.
117
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,406
Apart from maybe
War and poison spiders.
118
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,368
So may I kiss you now?
119
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,197
- asking for a kiss,
120
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:46,982
It's like sixth grade.
121
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:49,941
- what next?
122
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,159
[new zealand accent]
"Would it be all right
123
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,335
If I unhook
The back of your brassiere?"
124
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,338
[both laugh]
125
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:56,339
- everything all right?
126
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,862
- oh, uh, yeah.
Yes.
127
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,690
I was thinking
128
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,518
How lovely it would be
To have some music.
129
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,433
- great idea.
130
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,697
- [whispering]
What are you two doing here?
131
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,396
- we're in your head.
132
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,397
- prove it.
133
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,615
- right now you're thinking,
134
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,095
"I knew
I was having sex tonight.
135
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,183
Why didn't I shave my legs?"
136
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,012
- oh, my god,
You are in my head!
137
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:19,623
Why?
138
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:23,758
- we just popped in to watch you
Have vanilla sex.
139
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,586
- well, I am gonna kiss him,
140
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,589
And it is gonna be so hot
That when I open my eyes,
141
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,895
You two will be gone.
142
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:33,898
[romantic music plays]
143
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:40,209
♪
144
00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:42,037
[laughs]
145
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,430
- are you sure
You're all right?
146
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:44,605
You seem a little distracted.
147
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:45,954
- no. No, no.
148
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:46,955
Let's just have that kiss.
149
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:48,173
- okay.
150
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:52,439
Wow.
151
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,354
- [chuckles]
152
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:56,051
Both: still here.
153
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,883
[upbeat music]
154
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,146
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
155
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:07,497
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
156
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:08,542
♪ hey!
157
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,413
- you guys ruined sex for me.
158
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:11,980
- what are you talking about?
159
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:13,285
- jack and I didn't have sex
Last night
160
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,809
Because the two of you
Were in my head.
161
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,463
- why were we in your head?
162
00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,465
- because I overheard
You talking
163
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:21,946
About how vanilla
Our sex was gonna be.
164
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,207
I would never talk
About the two of you
165
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,949
Behind your back like that.
166
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,473
Unlike the two of you,
I'm a good friend.
167
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:28,126
- really?
168
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,477
Are you the good friend who said
Victoria will screw things up
169
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,739
Because she never
Reads contracts?
170
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,262
- what?
Melanie!
171
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,482
- well, you said joy
Never changes her hair.
172
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,440
- victoria.
- oh, please.
173
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,964
Melanie will have interesting
Sex before you go blonde.
174
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:43,533
Both: victoria!
175
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:44,752
- so...
176
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:47,407
I slept with the mayor.
177
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:50,540
- you said you invited him over
Last night
178
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:51,976
To find common ground.
179
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,978
- we found common ground.
180
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:56,198
In bed.
181
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,157
- but you disagree
On every issue.
182
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,333
- that's what makes it hot.
183
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,161
- you are a councilwoman.
184
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,641
You cannot
Sleep with the mayor.
185
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,470
- olivia pope
Sleeps with the president.
186
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:10,299
- on scandal,
Which is a tv show.
187
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:11,866
- used to be.
188
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,998
Now it's real.
189
00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,698
- what if this gets out?
190
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:20,135
Your supporters like that
You actually oppose the mayor.
191
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:22,746
- and when there were rumors
About him and the treasurer,
192
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,226
You told the plain dealer,
193
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,097
"Anyone dumb enough
To sleep with the mayor
194
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,665
Doesn't deserve to be
In public office."
195
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:32,887
- I could see where that
Could come back to bite me.
196
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,366
- so you'll break it off?
197
00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:36,281
- fine.
198
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:39,720
I'm gonna have to delete
Some stuff from the cloud.
199
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,292
- victoria, we are so excited
Here at paleo vodka
200
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:49,512
To have you as our spokesperson.
201
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:50,644
Let's sign these contracts.
202
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,167
- glad to, but first,
203
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,169
I've had issues
With contracts before,
204
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:57,520
So I must read this
Very carefully.
205
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,263
Mm.
206
00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:02,873
Mm-hmm.
207
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,484
- you're not really reading.
208
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:07,443
You're just furrowing your brow
And making "Mm-hmm" noises.
209
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,401
- hey.
210
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,620
- is there a problem?
211
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,100
- no.
212
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:15,233
I've read all the words,
And it appears to be in order.
213
00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:16,278
Pen, please.
214
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:20,804
- great.
215
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,240
And good luck
With survival night.
216
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:24,591
- the what-what now?
217
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,853
- survival night.
218
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,245
You spend 24 hours in a cave
219
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:30,161
Surviving the elements
Caveman-style.
220
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:30,945
It was all in the contract.
221
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,554
- of course it was.
222
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:41,172
- mm.
- mm-hmm.
223
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,957
- we're reading all the words.
224
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,005
- so same old, same old?
225
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:50,965
- actually, I was thinking...
226
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,184
No, just the usual, please.
227
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,795
- okay.
228
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,665
- [bad cockney accent]
"I'm joy scroggs, I am,
229
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,147
And I never
Change me look."
230
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,540
- [bad cockney accent]
"I like things
231
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:04,065
The way they are, guv'na."
232
00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,894
- I sound nothing like that.
233
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,374
Dwayne, I want to go blonde.
234
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,506
Not just blonde.
235
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,507
Platinum.
236
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,857
[both gasp]
237
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,468
- [whispers]
I'll get the bleach.
238
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,433
- hello, stranger.
239
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,222
I know.
It's a bit different.
240
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:32,615
The stylist thought
It would be better
241
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,399
If my eyebrows and eyelashes
Matched, but I--
242
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:35,400
- no, no, no, no, no.
243
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,880
You gotta get out of here.
244
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,665
You look like an albino,
And debbie's coming.
245
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,014
- so?
246
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,146
What does debbie have
To do with this?
247
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,365
- that.
248
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,676
- why didn't you tell me
She was an albino?
249
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:53,723
- because I didn't know
You were going to bean albino.
250
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,551
Besides, it sounded racist.
251
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,074
- is it a race?
252
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,903
- shh.
253
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,644
- hey, owen.
254
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,212
- debbie, this is my mom, joy.
255
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,300
- hi.
256
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,519
Don't worry.
This was a mistake.
257
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:08,608
Be back to normal soon.
258
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:09,652
Not "Normal."
259
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,132
You look normal,
260
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,916
If normal is
Incredibly beautiful.
261
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,136
Gosh, I'd go out with you if--
262
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,181
If you weren't dating my son
And I was gay and you were.
263
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,096
Why doesn't somebody else talk?
264
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,927
- you know, I'm getting kind of
A weird vibe here, owen.
265
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,974
I'll see you back at work.
266
00:10:34,415 --> 00:10:35,939
- so...
267
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,986
Anyone else at the office
You like?
268
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:49,039
- elka, are you breaking up
With me?
269
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:52,564
- don't act like
It was more than it was.
270
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:57,221
We were just
Enemies with benefits.
271
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:59,789
- you're right.
272
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,923
It's best
For both of our careers.
273
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:08,668
- no more sexy texts
During council meetings.
274
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,018
- no more letting our hands
275
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:14,238
Linger on the shovel
At ground-breakings.
276
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,111
- go now.
277
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,808
Don't look back.
278
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,699
- wow, you really did it.
279
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:43,354
- yes, but only because you
And victoria were in my head.
280
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,748
And then I saw owen, and he
Was on a date with debbie.
281
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,271
- yay!
- no, melanie.
282
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,620
Not yay.
283
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,231
Debbie's an albino.
284
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,408
- oh, my god,
And you look like an albino.
285
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,409
Did she notice?
286
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:57,586
- yeah, she did.
287
00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,327
- oh, my god.
288
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,981
- I know.
My hair.
289
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:04,767
- joy, this is not about you
And how terrible you look.
290
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,638
I have to sleep in a cave
291
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,250
Because you two said that
I didn't read contracts.
292
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:12,296
Oh, how the hell
Am I gonna survive in the wild?
293
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:15,386
I can barely make it
Through a night at the radisson.
294
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,737
- see, this is the problem
With women living together.
295
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,999
We're in each other's heads.
296
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,304
Our mind cycles are synced.
297
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,305
- you're right.
298
00:12:21,349 --> 00:12:23,003
We have pms.
299
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:25,309
Persistent mental...
300
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,094
Something.
301
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,225
What do we do?
302
00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,401
- what women have done
For centuries:
303
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:33,361
Drink, eat chocolate, and try
To stay away from each other.
304
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:36,843
- and stay away from me
While you're at it.
305
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,021
- wait, whose head is she in?
306
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:50,160
- hi, I'm bear thomas,
And this dark, damp, remote cave
307
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:53,163
Is gonna be victoria chase's
Bedroom for the night.
308
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,296
All that stands between her
And the elements
309
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:58,908
Is a sleeping bag
And a bottle of paleo vodka.
310
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,562
I'm gonna leave her now.
- what?
311
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,607
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
312
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:06,133
You have to protect me
Against all this nature.
313
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:07,612
- the whole point
Of the promotion is
314
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:10,441
You here against the elements.
315
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:13,836
The good news is, all the bugs
In this cave are edible.
316
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,316
Oh, and the bats won't come out
317
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,144
Unless you make a sudden
Movement or scream in fear.
318
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,145
- [whimpers]
319
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,364
- see you tomorrow.
320
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:21,844
- [whines]
321
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:24,368
[bats chitter and flutter]
322
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,768
- oh.
I'm so alone.
323
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,249
The only voice in my head
Is my own,
324
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:39,644
Saying, "Why didn't you read
Your [bleep] Contract?"
325
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,691
Oh, I wish
Melanie was in my head.
326
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,388
She'd know what to do.
327
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,087
- hey, how come you didn't
Want me in your head?
328
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,392
- because I'm better
In a crisis.
329
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,872
If you can't drink it
Or sleep with it,
330
00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,439
You don't know what to do.
331
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:52,875
- good one, victoria.
332
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,398
- that was my line.
333
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,792
- no, but I'm the one
Imagining you saying it.
334
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,620
Now, help me.
335
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,013
How am I gonna get
Through the night?
336
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:02,276
- you're an actress.
337
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:04,408
All: an academy award-winning
Actress.
338
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:07,585
- I never get tired
Of thinking it.
339
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,979
- just act like
You're not in a cave.
340
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:13,548
You're in the cave room
Of an exclusive outdoor spa.
341
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,332
Gwyneth tried to book it but was
Told you were more important.
342
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,247
- there's nobody here
To impress,
343
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:18,988
So you don't have
To pretend to read a book.
344
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:21,382
And instead of cucumber water,
You have...
345
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,210
- vodka.
346
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,301
Oh, I like
The way I'm thinking.
347
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,394
- I am so sorry
About the other night.
348
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,917
- that's okay.
349
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:38,268
Believe it or not, I have
Not had sex with women before.
350
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,879
- [laughs]
351
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,054
- do you want to come around
Again tonight
352
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:44,535
For a nice evening in?
353
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,755
- or...
354
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,018
We could be naughty and do it
Right now in the bathroom.
355
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,540
- [shouts]
The bath--
356
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,195
[whispers]
The bathroom?
357
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:55,764
I've never done it
In public before.
358
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:56,808
- [mouths words]
359
00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,332
- back in new zealand,
360
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,944
I had a sensual encounter
At a bus stop once.
361
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,905
But it was interrupted by sheep.
362
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,254
- meet me
In the handicap bathroom.
363
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,951
Five minutes.
364
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:09,952
- sounds naughty.
365
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,606
- oh, super naughty.
366
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:14,304
Because if we get caught
In the handicap bathroom,
367
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,610
We have to pay a fine.
368
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,394
- [gasps excitedly]
369
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:31,756
[toilet flushes]
- oh!
370
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,628
Oh, how do you make
A bathroom sexy?
371
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:34,977
I wish joy were here.
372
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,414
- why did you think of me first?
373
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,764
- exactly.
I've had sex in bathrooms.
374
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,375
- yeah, but admit it.
375
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:44,421
You think of joy first.
376
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,032
- what are you doing here?
377
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,773
- I just came by to say that.
378
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,778
- okay, you guys, what do I do?
379
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,650
- well, first of all,
You have to be drunk enough
380
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,218
To forget
You're in a public bathroom.
381
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,829
- I'm not drunk.
It's lunchtime.
382
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,831
- oh, melanie, this isn't you.
383
00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:05,790
And not being yourself is
The worst sex of all.
384
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:08,010
- I thought you said nice sex
Was the worst sex of all.
385
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,446
- what do we know?
We're not nice.
386
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,883
We've never had nice sex.
387
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:12,972
Maybe it's good.
388
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,451
- it is good.
- [knocks]
389
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,108
Ooh, roomy, isn't it?
390
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:22,982
- [chuckles]
- lots of space for sex.
391
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,332
And, of course, bacteria.
392
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,377
- jack, I'm sorry.
This isn't me.
393
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,075
And I'm--I'm sensing
This isn't you either.
394
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:30,641
- mm.
395
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:33,035
- and not being yourself
Is the worst sex of all.
396
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:37,126
- well, actually, not having sex
Is the worst sex of all.
397
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,085
Shall we go back to my place?
- yes, please.
398
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,564
- and if you still want
To spice things up,
399
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:43,654
I do have a scented candle
Called "Moroccan sundays,"
400
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,353
Which would be rather naughty
To light, as today's tuesday.
401
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:48,007
- [laughs]
402
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,660
- hi, debbie.
403
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:51,227
I need to talk to you.
404
00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,447
- oh, my god,
How did you know I was here?
405
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,231
- I've been following you
All day
406
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:58,495
But not in a creepy way.
407
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,236
- how is that not creepy?
408
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,326
- because my son needs
A companion saturday nights,
409
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,807
And it can't be me anymore.
410
00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:07,374
Look...
411
00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:10,203
I've texted owen.
He's on his way here.
412
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,640
And I was hoping
To smooth things over with you,
413
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,119
So you'd give him
Another chance.
414
00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:15,859
- no, you are crazy.
415
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:18,906
Leave me alone,
Or I'm calling the police.
416
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,431
- you don't have to do that.
I'm leaving.
417
00:17:25,869 --> 00:17:27,089
- you can't give up like that.
418
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,743
Have some confidence.
419
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:31,876
- now get back in there,
And do what I do with my kids.
420
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,095
When we've hurt each other,
421
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,575
We start all over again
422
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,446
And do it the way
We wish we'd done it.
423
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,796
We call it a do-over.
This one time with jenna--
424
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,276
- you do realize that
You can make her stop talking
425
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,886
At any time.
426
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:50,069
- hello, I'm joy scroggs.
427
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,419
- what are you doing?
428
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:55,117
- I'd like to try a do-over.
429
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:58,512
I'm sorry for the way
Things started with us.
430
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:01,297
My son really likes you.
431
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:06,302
He says every other woman
Pales in comparison to y--
432
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:10,132
Not pales.
433
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,874
Look, owen is a great guy,
434
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,963
And you should give him
Another chance.
435
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:16,965
- mom, what's going on?
436
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:20,664
Debbie, I am so sorry.
This woman is crazy.
437
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,405
- oh, she is crazy,
438
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:25,495
But she also said that I should
Give you a second chance.
439
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,758
And besides,
A nice guy like you
440
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,891
Shouldn't be spending all of his
Saturday nights with his mother.
441
00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,459
- wha--
442
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:34,939
You told her that?
443
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,855
- would you like
To join me for a drink?
444
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:38,900
- I would.
445
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:45,254
- oh, this is so cute.
446
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,255
- mom.
447
00:18:46,299 --> 00:18:48,910
- going.
Totally going.
448
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,001
But so cute.
449
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,486
- you know, joy,
450
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:00,835
I'm really starting
To get used to the hair.
451
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:01,966
- I'm loving it.
452
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,229
- I'm changing it back tomorrow.
453
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:06,623
- oh, thank god.
- it's hideous.
454
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:10,323
- grow your mustache out,
You'll look like mark twain.
455
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,764
- so how'd things go with jack?
456
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:19,070
- well, my friends,
There is a reason
457
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:21,595
That vanilla is the most popular
Flavor of ice cream
458
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,553
In the world.
459
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,469
- how many scoops?
460
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:27,731
- elka!
461
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:31,257
[mouths word]
462
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,345
- oh.
463
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:33,476
- [laughs]
464
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,261
[doorbell rings]
465
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,876
Oh.
- hello.
466
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,791
I have some urgent city business
467
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,141
To discuss
With the councilwoman.
468
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:53,409
- so what's
The urgent city business?
469
00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:56,499
- I miss you.
470
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:59,981
- I miss you, too.
471
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:02,592
- just doing our jobs,
Serving the people?
472
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,899
That's boring.
473
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:08,598
- it's scandalwithout the sex.
474
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:09,773
- who's watching that?
475
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:12,776
- I'm not.
476
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,082
- can we get back together?
477
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:15,301
- don't do it, elka.
478
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:16,780
- think of your career.
479
00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:19,392
- it'll end in tears.
480
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:22,482
- what do you think?
481
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:23,483
- go for it.
482
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,833
- those women are idiots.
483
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:27,443
- I don't like joy.
484
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,402
- none of us do.
485
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,668
- let's do it for cleveland.
486
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:35,886
- [chuckles]
487
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,110
[upbeat music]
488
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,591
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
489
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:46,897
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
490
00:20:46,941 --> 00:20:51,293
♪
491
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:54,122
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
492
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:55,993
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
493
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:06,482
♪ hey!
34059
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