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00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:04,046
- hot in clevelandis recorded
In front of
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00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,788
A live studio audience.
3
00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,050
- oh, my god.
4
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,660
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
Oh, my god!
5
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:10,358
- what? What happened?
6
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,056
- I think our cute new neighbor,
Jack, just saw me naked.
7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,276
- oh, no.
How?
8
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,712
- well, I had just gotten
Out of the shower
9
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,366
And I was air drying, and what
Comes on the radio?
10
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:19,845
Dancing queen.
11
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,325
You know I can't resist dancing
To dancing queen,
12
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,197
No one can!
13
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,242
- well, are you sure
He saw you?
14
00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:26,852
- oh, I don't know.
15
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:28,985
I'm not quite sure he can
Actually see into our house.
16
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,813
- well, I know I can see
Into his.
17
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,815
- hey, wait, what are you
Looking at jack for?
18
00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:34,599
No, no, no,
I called dibs.
19
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:37,211
I've been praying for a cute guy
To move in across the street,
20
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:38,647
And a cute guy did move in
Across the street,
21
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,952
So god gave him to me.
22
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:42,129
- oh, don't worry,
I'm not poaching.
23
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:45,088
I just noticed his hot,
Shirtless contractor.
24
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,047
- oh! So you're looking
At men again.
25
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,831
This is a good sign.
26
00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:52,182
- well, I'm not ready to get
Back to anything serious,
27
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:55,142
But maybe a little fling
To get me started.
28
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,839
- yeah, yeah, I get it.
Like the first waffle.
29
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:02,192
- waffle?
- yeah, when you make waffles,
30
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:06,153
The first one's never a keeper
So you throw it out, and--
31
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,285
Every one after that
Just seems better.
32
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,113
- oh.
33
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:14,248
I think I might have been that
Waffle to a few men.
34
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,511
- oh, hey, victoria, how'd the
First day on your new show go?
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00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,208
- it was terrifying.
36
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,949
I still don't know what this
Show is about
37
00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:22,212
Or how to play my character.
38
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,388
I mean, yeah, it's a zed simms
Script so, of course,
39
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,999
It must be brilliant.
I mean, you guys read it.
40
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:28,349
- oh, yeah, yeah.
It's genius.
41
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:29,914
- so cerebral.
42
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,917
- mmm, complex.
- so many layers.
43
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,094
- oh, my god, you don't
Understand it either.
44
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,140
And tomorrow is my big scene,
You know,
45
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,751
The one where I talk to
The ghost.
46
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,926
- I thought you were the ghost.
- wait, there's a ghost?
47
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:44,234
- oh, you see!
48
00:01:44,277 --> 00:01:47,368
I just won an oscar!
49
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,326
But if I am not good at this,
50
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,981
Then everyone will say
That it was a fluke.
51
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:56,420
God, it was so much easier doing
Lifetime original movies.
52
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,596
Everything I needed to know
About my character
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00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,990
Was in the title.
54
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,430
Soccer mom prostitute.
55
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:09,172
Forty and flirty.
56
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:12,044
Tammy lee boudreau:
The pms strangler.
57
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:16,266
"It's that time of the month...
To die!"
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00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,358
- what has six legs,
Four breasts,
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00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:24,579
And is hosting a cocktail party
Tonight?
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00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,581
- oh, oh, wait, wait, let me do
This, I love riddles.
61
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,888
- she's talking about us.
62
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,108
- and why are we throwing you
A party?
63
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,198
- because I want to be president
Of city council.
64
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:36,939
I need to get my agenda through.
65
00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:38,549
- what is your agenda?
66
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,769
- zoo funding and road repair.
67
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,511
- doesn't the president also get
To ride with lebron
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00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:45,600
In the christmas parade?
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00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,123
- does she?
70
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:52,650
- elka just needs to sway
Councilman stoke's vote.
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00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,175
He's undecided, so I'm guessing
He's the reason
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00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,828
We're having a party tonight?
73
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,961
- we're doing it
The old-fashioned way--
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00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,181
Strong liquor and loose women.
75
00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:05,315
You're not the strong liquor.
76
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,454
- actually, a party is not
A bad idea.
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00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,325
I can invite zed,
78
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,849
And in a casual, alcohol-fueled
Environment,
79
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:20,722
Find out what the hell
The show is about.
80
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,985
- and we can invite jack,
81
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,900
And in a casual, alcohol-fueled
Environment,
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00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,859
You can find out
If he saw me naked.
83
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,383
- I'll go and invite him now.
84
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:32,560
While I'm there I might run into
The cute contractor.
85
00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:34,344
Hey, can you see through
My blouse?
86
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,737
- mm, nope.
87
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,305
- oh, shoot, I'll just have to
Make it work.
88
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:43,353
[upbeat music]
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00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,616
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
90
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,576
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
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00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:49,925
♪ hey!
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00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,275
- wow,
That was hot.
93
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:54,146
So, my band's playing tonight.
94
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,279
I play tenor and alto sax.
95
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,543
I like to say I'm bi-saxual.
96
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,502
- I get it.
97
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,720
- so are you gonna come?
98
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,636
- dylan, what we had was fun,
99
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,552
But while we were talking
I realized
100
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,816
It was only supposed to last
Right up until now.
101
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,601
- so this was just sex?
102
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,255
- exactly.
103
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,518
- but what about the skylight
You wanted me to put in?
104
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,476
- oh, dylan, sweet dylan.
105
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,045
There was never actually
Going to be a skylight.
106
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:32,489
- don't you just love that
Feeling right before a party
107
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,448
Where anything is possible?
108
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,319
- soon jack will be here
And joy will find out
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00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:37,842
If he's seen me naked.
110
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:41,063
And he might reply,
"Why, yes, and she's beautiful.
111
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,195
And I will not rest
Until I make her mine."
112
00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,852
- have you started drinking
Already?
113
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,161
- just a little bit.
114
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:54,772
But you know I get nervous
Before a party, because--
115
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,207
Anything's possible!
116
00:04:57,732 --> 00:05:01,823
- can we concentrate
On what's important?
117
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:04,347
- like you in a parade
With lebron?
118
00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,958
- I don't want to be stuck on
Some nerd float
119
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:10,005
Called "Salute to reading."
120
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,660
[phone chimes]
121
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,705
- wow, another one.
122
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,055
- why are you getting
So many texts?
123
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,884
- I joined sinder,
The hookup app.
124
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:22,191
- why are you on sinder?
125
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:26,195
- because I realized I like
Throwing out waffles.
126
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,506
I am done holding out for
Romance and happily ever after.
127
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,812
That just leads to heartbreak.
128
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:38,512
On sinder, I can order my men
The way I order my shoes.
129
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,383
- six at a time?
130
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,003
- hey, jack, hold up!
131
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:53,657
- oh, hello, dylan.
132
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,225
Is it too bold to bring
Zinfandel to a party?
133
00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:58,270
Just to say,
"Friendly new neighbor."
134
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,012
Or "Unchained party animal."
135
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:03,841
- dude, you should've just
Brought a bottle of wine.
136
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,974
Hey, would you give this to joy
For me?
137
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,976
It's the address of the club I'm
Playing tonight.
138
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,456
I'd give it to her myself but
139
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,022
Things are a little awkward
Between us.
140
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,502
- oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
141
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,591
- yeah, we had a good thing
Going there for a while,
142
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:15,897
If you know what I mean.
143
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,420
- I know exactly what you mean.
144
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,944
I actually saw the two of you
Through joy's window.
145
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,381
- really?
146
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,687
- sorry to say, yes.
147
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,429
First time I've seen naked women
Copulating through a window.
148
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:30,215
And I have to say,
I was not a fan.
149
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,304
- guess you had to be there.
150
00:06:37,308 --> 00:06:39,529
- wow, victoria chase!
151
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,444
I've never met a celebrity
Before.
152
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:44,447
Feels good!
153
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,318
How does it feel to meet me?
154
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:49,060
- and you are?
155
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:50,845
- oh, sorry, I'm jack.
156
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:51,802
New neighbor.
157
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:56,807
Oh, by the way, congratulations
On the new hbo show.
158
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:57,982
- oh, thank you.
159
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:01,812
- what's it about?
160
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:04,467
- I-I can't say.
161
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,077
I honestly can't say.
162
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:10,255
- oh, look how cute he is.
163
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:12,562
"She searched the world for
Romance,
164
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,999
Only to find he was right across
The street."
165
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:19,047
- would you stop narrating your
Life like you're in a rom-com?
166
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,484
- "And with the help of her
Quirky, british roommate,"
167
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,485
- melanie.
168
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:23,486
- kate beckinsale.
169
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,619
- go on.
170
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,969
- "She found the information she
Needed to put love
171
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,100
On its true course."
172
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,406
Now, we are destined for each
Other
173
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,103
So go find out if he saw me
Naked.
174
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,283
- hey, elka, has councilman
Stokes come by yet?
175
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,590
- I guess he's running late.
176
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,113
- so what does he look like?
177
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:47,423
- bland, beige-- kind of blends
In with the furniture.
178
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,729
- hello, elka.
179
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:52,297
- councilman stokes.
180
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,996
My god, you light up a room.
181
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,782
- oh, zed, I'm glad you could
Make it.
182
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,436
- wow.
183
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,047
A cleveland party.
184
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:06,529
Take it in, zed.
Take it in.
185
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,183
So, victoria,
186
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,141
You mentioned that you wanted to
Talk to me about something.
187
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,882
- oh, well first of all I just
Want to say
188
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,232
How much I love your show
And my character.
189
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,104
- good. I'm excited to see what
You're going to do with her
190
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:18,759
Tomorrow. Such an important
Scene.
191
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,588
- yeah, uh, about that--
[phone rings]
192
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:24,025
- one second.
193
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,070
Hello?
194
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,029
Yes, yes, I'm sure.
195
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,553
Ok. Goodbye.
196
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:31,902
I just fired ben kingsley.
197
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,556
- what? But why?
198
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,905
He was my love interest.
199
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:38,386
Right?
200
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:40,780
- we'll get another one.
He asks too many questions.
201
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,826
There's nothing more tiresome
Than explaining plot
202
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:46,221
And character to a brainless
Actor.
203
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,353
So what were you saying?
204
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,355
- nothing.
205
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,314
Uh, it's just my friend,
Melanie.
206
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:56,231
You know, I've been explaining
The show to her repeatedly
207
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:59,277
And knowledgably, but she just
Doesn't get it.
208
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:02,411
- so you invited me to this
Party to explain my show
209
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:05,196
To your dumb friend?
210
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,549
- what if I told you that she
Thinks you're really hot?
211
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,073
- I'm listening.
212
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,509
- I do love our street.
213
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,772
But I have noticed,
From some rooms,
214
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:18,427
We have an unobstructed view
Into your house.
215
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,560
I suppose it follows that you
Also--
216
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,387
- I think I know where you're
Going with this.
217
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,041
Yes, I saw through the window.
218
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,521
I didn't mean to, but I did.
219
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,524
- oh, ok.
Not a problem.
220
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,048
Can I ask exactly
How much you saw?
221
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,398
- everything.
222
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,965
- I see.
223
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:39,100
Well, it's no big deal,
It's just flesh.
224
00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:42,973
Is there any chance you liked
What you saw?
225
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:45,236
- what?
226
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,673
No, I didn't like it.
227
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,675
It was weird.
228
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:49,719
- weird?
229
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,417
Well, what does that mean?
230
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:55,072
- do you have anything unusual
Going on under your clothes?
231
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,771
- no. I look good under my
Clothes.
232
00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,730
- maybe he saw your mole mass.
233
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:03,864
- it's not a mole mass!
It's three moles.
234
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,779
My mom said they were angel
Kisses.
235
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,999
- those angels had some big ass
Lips.
236
00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:17,529
- alright, melanie. I need you
To talk to zed about the show.
237
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,662
Now, I can't do it,
He'll fire me.
238
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:22,839
He just fired ben kingsley
For asking too many questions.
239
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,014
- I can't talk to zed until
240
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,756
I find out what jack meant by
"Weird."
241
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,236
[phone chimes]
242
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:31,500
- look, I got another sinder
Match.
243
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:34,329
Of all the guys with face
Tattoos, he seems the nicest.
244
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,509
- jack?
- hey.
245
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:45,079
- so, um, joy tells me that you
May have seen something weird
246
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:47,559
Through our window this morning.
247
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,083
- yes, unfortunately I did.
248
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,824
- was it really that bad?
249
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:54,436
- truly unsettling.
250
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,830
No good place to look,
You know?
251
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,745
- no good place?
252
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,311
- in a word, "Ugh!"
253
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,793
- "Ick?"
- mm.
254
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,625
- have you seen
Councilman stokes?
255
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,454
- hello, elka.
256
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,761
- oh, councilman stokes.
257
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:17,241
Life of the party.
258
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,374
- hello, I'm victoria chase.
259
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,985
- I know I saw you
In cleveland rhapsody.
260
00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:24,335
It was the night my fiancee
And I broke up.
261
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:28,557
I'm sorry but seeing you is
Bringing back very bad memories.
262
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,996
- try seeing her every day.
263
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,606
Get lost, victoria.
264
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,914
- maybe I should go too.
265
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:40,395
- with all the single women
At this party?
266
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:41,962
Here comes one now.
267
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:44,486
- can you believe he saw my
Naked body
268
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,706
And all he could say was "Ick?"
269
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,143
It must have been my mole mass.
270
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,234
- who else you got?
271
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:57,542
- so, zed, I like your top.
272
00:11:57,586 --> 00:12:01,938
Um, tunic. Man-shirt.
I like your man-shirt.
273
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,636
- so, I understand you have some
Questions about my show.
274
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,640
- yes. I do. But, before we get
To that, um,
275
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:12,035
If you were directing a scene
Where a man sees a naked woman
276
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:16,431
Through a window, and that woman
Just happened to look like me,
277
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:19,826
Would that man's reaction ever
Be "Ick?"
278
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,610
- no way.
That wouldn't happen.
279
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,003
You're too beautiful.
280
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:25,527
- oh, zed, thank you.
281
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,530
But, if it did happen.
282
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,140
- well, then the lighting
Was wrong.
283
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:33,143
Improper lighting can absolutely
Demolish beauty.
284
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,275
- really?
285
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:35,580
Well, can you
Come into my bedroom
286
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:39,323
And look at me at every angle?
287
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:42,631
We can test out different
Positions.
288
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,415
I might even dance a little.
289
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,032
- yeah, yeah, okay,
I'm game.
290
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:55,165
I'll go get us some drinks.
291
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:01,563
- I guess what I'm looking for
Is a girl who's smart,
292
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:05,480
And sweet, maybe a little shy.
293
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,482
- I see where you're going but--
294
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:11,834
I don't date coworkers.
- [chuckles]
295
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,836
What I'm looking for doesn't
Exist anymore.
296
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,708
And old fashioned girl
With old fashioned values.
297
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,843
- I know just the girl.
298
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,933
- you said I was a demure
English rose?
299
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,805
- and virgin.
300
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:28,198
Now go sell it.
301
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,592
- I am tired of you
Pimping me out.
302
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,376
- it's not pimping.
303
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,857
I'm asking you
Not to sleep with him.
304
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:37,991
For cleveland.
305
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:41,603
- well, I guess you did save the
Dog parks and
306
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:43,997
Bring a lot of jobs
To the city.
307
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,520
And you've done a lot
For the zoo.
308
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:49,132
- I named that old baboon
After you.
309
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,047
- you said it was
A baby snow leopard.
310
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,570
- oh, that's right.
311
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,665
- and when I saw 40 year old
Virgini thought,
312
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:04,452
"Finally, someone's telling
My story."
313
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:10,501
- elka was right, you really are
A demure english rose.
314
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:14,810
- oh, councilman. You make me
Blush.
315
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,465
Maybe it makes me old fashioned
316
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:20,381
But I guess I'm just a girl
Looking for love.
317
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:24,385
Someone to live happily ever
After with.
318
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:29,085
White picket fence. Kids and
Dogs playing in the yard.
319
00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:31,392
- that sounds really nice.
320
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,611
- it does, doesn't it?
321
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:36,092
- the problem in the real world
Is people just want to
322
00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,007
Hookup on tinder.
323
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,444
Or worse, sinder.
324
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,533
Thank god you're nothing
Like that.
325
00:14:42,577 --> 00:14:45,319
Sex without love, ha,
It's just sad!
326
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,889
[saxophone playing]
327
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,629
- oh, dear god.
328
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:54,023
- why is there a man in your
Driveway playing saxophone?
329
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,415
- let's go inside.
330
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:58,462
- who was that?
331
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,073
- I have no idea.
332
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,770
Let me show you the back garden.
333
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,467
- joy!
334
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,948
I know this morning you said you
Were just using me for sex
335
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,516
But I have feelings.
336
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,083
I'm not a piece of meat.
337
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:13,608
- I thought he was a waffle.
338
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:21,268
- you slept with this man
This morning?
339
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,793
- I'll say. With the curtains
Wide open.
340
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,490
- what?
341
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,710
- like I was telling you,
I saw joy and my contractor
342
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:31,234
Through the window.
Ick!
343
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:33,845
- oh, so she's the ick?
Not me?
344
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:36,500
Oh, joy, did you hear that?
I'm not the ick, you are!
345
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,243
- yes, I heard.
346
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:43,246
I'm awash in wonderful news
Here.
347
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,206
- melanie, you could never be
The ick. You're beautiful.
348
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,773
In fact, I was working up the
Courage to ask you out
349
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,036
For a coffee.
350
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,341
- oh, I'd love that.
351
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:55,171
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Hey, uh--
352
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,913
What's going on? You just
Invited me up to your bedroom.
353
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,959
- well, yes, but just so you
Could light me.
354
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,135
- but you talked about how you
Looked naked!
355
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,660
And that you wanted to test out
Different positions!
356
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,531
Those things mean something
To a man!
357
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:12,014
I guess you are as dumb as
Victoria said.
358
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,016
- hey, hold on, zed.
359
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,323
Now I can call melanie dumb,
But you can't.
360
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:19,021
- yeah, I'd rather nobody
Called me dumb.
361
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,545
- melanie's not dumb,
She's wonderful.
362
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:24,461
You know what's dumb?
You and your shows.
363
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:27,725
They win awards but they don't
Make a lick of sense.
364
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:30,293
- that's him talking, not me.
But go on.
365
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:32,774
- what are you talking about?
My shows make perfect sense.
366
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,123
Tell them, victoria.
367
00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:39,389
- uh, there are big scenes,
And little ones--
368
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:40,651
Oh, screw it!
369
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:43,132
I have no idea what your script
Is about
370
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,265
Or how the hell I'm supposed to
Be playing it.
371
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,267
- but, you said you loved it.
372
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:49,573
- because I didn't want to
Seem stupid.
373
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:54,056
But I am stupid, and your script
Made me that way.
374
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,624
Now, just tell me yes or no,
375
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,844
Am I a ghost detective
Trying to go back in time
376
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,412
To solve my own murder?
377
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,501
- not even close.
378
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:08,723
- too bad, I'd watch that.
- yeah, me too.
379
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:16,035
- ultimately, this is a story
In which the action
380
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,255
Tries to find meaning in
Inaction!
381
00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:24,217
Wait, earlier you mentioned that
You're a ghost
382
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,220
Trying to solve your own murder?
383
00:17:27,262 --> 00:17:29,178
I like that, why don't we just
Do that?
384
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,530
- okay.
385
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,010
Oh, I am so relieved.
386
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,099
I thought you were going to fire
Me for asking questions
387
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,709
The way you did with ben
Kingsley.
388
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:40,276
- no, that was just
The tipping point.
389
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,410
The real issue was that every
Morning on set,
390
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,847
He would take the last
Everything bagel.
391
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,938
- well, I don't eat bagels.
392
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,331
And I certainly don't eat
Anything
393
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,159
That has the word
"Everything" in it.
394
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,162
- excellent.
395
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,207
And victoria?
396
00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,514
Don't ever feel stupid again.
397
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:04,692
What you should be is outwardly
Vain, but inwardly warm.
398
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:07,390
Fearful but wise.
399
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:10,132
Driven but generous.
400
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,873
- who could be all those things?
401
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,962
She sounds like a complete mess.
402
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:16,965
- I was describing you.
403
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,836
I meant you should
Just be yourself.
404
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,752
This character is you.
405
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,668
- oh, my god,
406
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:28,368
I am so complex I-I barely
Understand myself.
407
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:31,588
- yeah, just be like that.
408
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:38,943
- look, I know elka invited me
Here to get my vote
409
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,337
And asked you to pretend to be
Someone you're obviously not.
410
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:44,166
- you're right, but,
The truth is
411
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,560
When I was saying I believed in
Happily ever after
412
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,518
I realized, I meant it.
413
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,042
I mean, deep down,
That's who I am.
414
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,219
I've been doing this stupid
Stuff because
415
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,090
I recently had my heart broken
416
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,223
And I'm scared of it
Happening again.
417
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,833
- I understand.
418
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:01,792
You get to an age where you just
Sort of give up and say
419
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:02,967
"What's the point?"
420
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:04,708
- well, you could be like elka.
421
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:07,972
She's 92 and never uses her age
422
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,061
As an excuse not to do
Something.
423
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,847
Run for office,
Look for love,
424
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:14,849
Manipulate her friends.
- [chuckles]
425
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,460
She knows how to work it.
426
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:21,899
And you do need that in order
To get things done for a city.
427
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:24,467
- so, does she get your vote?
428
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:25,512
- I guess she does.
429
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:29,472
- finally.
430
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:33,172
I mean, is there anything we
Should be celebrating?
431
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:38,089
- wow, what a mix-up.
- yeah.
432
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,440
- this would be a story
We're telling the kids.
433
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,050
- kids?
434
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,182
- not ours.
435
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:47,708
Just young people who--
436
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:50,232
Like charming stories about
Couples meeting.
437
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,147
- [laughs]
438
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:56,107
- well I should get going.
439
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:59,763
You know, in new zealand we have
A tradition.
440
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,244
When you say goodnight to
Someone and you like that person
441
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,550
Give them a kiss.
442
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,856
- oh, we have a similar
Tradition in america.
443
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,119
- oh, you do?
Good.
444
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:11,297
Well, prepare yourself for a
Respectful, yet sensual,
445
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:12,472
Kiss on the cheek.
446
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,215
- okay, go for it.
447
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:21,959
- see you tomorrow.
- okay.
448
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,007
- goodnight, melanie.
449
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,617
- [bad new zealand accent]
Goodnight, jack!
450
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,840
- it's a bit weird.
451
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,762
[upbeat music]
452
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:44,286
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
453
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,375
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
454
00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:51,293
♪
455
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,687
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
456
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:56,037
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
457
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,002
♪ hey!
33291
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