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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,092
- hi, glad you're back.
Let me catch you up.
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:06,484
Elka won a spot on city council.
3
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:09,618
- [laughs] You won!
- I won!
4
00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:12,142
- victoria shared an
Academy award with helen mirren.
5
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:13,796
- and the oscar goes to
Helen mirren.
6
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,146
- [bleep]!
7
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,148
- and victoria chase.
- what?
8
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,542
- it's a tie!
Both: [scream]
9
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:23,023
- and joy was proposed to by
Three guys on the same night--
10
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,025
Simon, mitch, and bob.
11
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,330
But before she could answer,
12
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,419
She was knocked out by simon,
Mitch, and bob.
13
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:31,770
Oh, she's not gonna like
That picture.
14
00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:32,597
Better start the show.
15
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,861
- which do you think
Is the biggest news--
16
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:38,603
Who joy has chosen to marry
17
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:42,390
Or the latest development
In my super-exciting career?
18
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,916
- probably joy's thing.
19
00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:48,700
- but you haven't heard
My thing yet.
20
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:52,182
- I haven't heard
Joy's thing either.
21
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,576
- all right,
I'm gonna tell you anyway.
22
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:57,187
I am flying to new york
This afternoon
23
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,842
To star in a movie
With brad pitt.
24
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:02,105
- brad pitt!
25
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:04,586
I might actually see
One of your movies.
26
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:09,417
- I was about to accept
The lead in an hbo drama
27
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,594
When my darling co-oscar-winning
Helen mirren called.
28
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:15,336
Oh, she had to pass
On the brad pitt movie,
29
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,512
So she recommended me.
30
00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,253
Oh.
31
00:01:19,295 --> 00:01:22,604
It's just so beautiful the way
We a-listers give freely.
32
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:32,222
- I'm back!
Oh.
33
00:01:32,265 --> 00:01:33,702
Oh, it's so good
To be home.
34
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,704
- oh, and it's so good
To have you home.
35
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,097
But where's melanie?
36
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,140
I thought she was driving you
From the hospital.
37
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,882
- yes, she was,
38
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,362
But the doctor said I should
Avoid stressful situations.
39
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,625
- did she say who she was
Gonna marry yet?!
40
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,973
Simon, mitch, or bob?
Simon, mitch, or bob?
41
00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:48,412
- so I took a cab.
42
00:01:50,021 --> 00:01:52,982
Plus, I wanted to tell all
Of you my decision together.
43
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,115
- so who's the lucky guy?
44
00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:57,856
- well, I was up all night
Picturing myself
45
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,250
Married to each one of them,
And only one of them felt right.
46
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,425
- mitch?
- no.
47
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,513
- bob?
- no.
48
00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:04,950
- simon!
I knew it!
49
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,779
- yes, it's simon.
It's always been simon.
50
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,042
He was my first love, and when
He came back into my life,
51
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,609
It just felt like destiny.
52
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,089
- oh, that is wonderful,
Sweetie.
53
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,525
Have you told him yet?
54
00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:17,572
- no, I have to break the news
To bob and mitch first.
55
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,487
I owe them that.
- how are you gonna tell mitch?
56
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,489
- oh, I have it
All planned out
57
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,360
So we part as friends.
58
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,797
I go over in my black dress
That makes me look sorry
59
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,322
But in a hot way.
60
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:30,454
I reference
His best qualities:
61
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,196
He's handsome, kind,
62
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,720
Handsome.
63
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:39,550
We kiss farewell and he asks--
No, insists
64
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,117
That we remain good friends.
65
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,772
[cell phone rings]
66
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,817
It's mitch.
67
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:49,647
Hello.
68
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,127
What do you mean,
We'll never be friends?
69
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,347
How did you--
70
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,392
He bugged the living room.
71
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,529
Well, you're a detective,
I suppose that's normal.
72
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,836
[mouthing]
73
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,490
- cameras, too?
74
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,413
[upbeat music]
75
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:18,937
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
76
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:21,766
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
77
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:22,550
♪ hey!
78
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,250
- okay, I think I found
The last one.
79
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,339
- hmm, you know, it's funny.
80
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,123
I had no idea
Those cameras were there,
81
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,474
But now that they're gone,
I kind of miss them.
82
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:39,697
- I'm going to new york
With you.
83
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,743
- what?
84
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:44,267
- the heat's on.
I've gotta get out of town.
85
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,488
- last night
At the council meeting,
86
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:48,966
Elka announced
That she has a plan
87
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:51,100
To bring a thousand jobs
To cleveland.
88
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:54,103
She has no plan.
- why would you do that?
89
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:56,148
- the mayor was being
All braggy.
90
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:59,761
You know how I get.
91
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:03,286
- fine. Fine, but I am not
Introducing you to brad pitt.
92
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,549
- we'll see.
93
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:10,859
- oh, hey.
Did you break the news to bob?
94
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,339
- not yet.
95
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,297
I tried to call, but I haven't
Been able to reach him.
96
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,994
I hate to let him down.
He's so sweet.
97
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,648
- he really is,
98
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,476
But right now, you and simon
Should be together.
99
00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:20,956
- I have to tell bob first.
100
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,740
- well, let me tell him.
101
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,786
We're friends.
I will let him down gently.
102
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,396
- really?
- yes.
103
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,964
So go and plan your perfect
Scottish wedding.
104
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,357
- oh, melanie, thank you.
105
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,012
- go,
Be with the man you love.
106
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:36,493
- oh, I can't believe
I'm getting married.
107
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,539
Oh, I can picture it now:
108
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,933
A scottish castle,
The groomsmen in kilts,
109
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,805
And at the end of the night,
110
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:46,503
My darling simon heroically
Pumping the bagpipes.
111
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:52,161
- don't call yourself names,
Joy.
112
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,996
- I know this is hard for you,
Bob.
113
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:02,476
I'm so sorry.
114
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:06,175
- well, I knew proposing
Was a long shot.
115
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,219
I mean, I talk a good game,
116
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:09,744
But I know
Joy's out of my league.
117
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:12,486
I just thought this time
I'd found the one.
118
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,792
- oh.
I've been there.
119
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,925
I-I've gotten close
A few times.
120
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:20,494
It didn't work out,
And it--it hurts.
121
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,584
But you are a smart, funny,
Wonderful man.
122
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,412
- [sighs]
You're right.
123
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,587
I am handsome.
124
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,415
- yes.
125
00:05:28,457 --> 00:05:29,677
And handsome.
126
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,070
And there are
So many women out there
127
00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:34,943
Who could easily
Fall in love with you.
128
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,345
Oh, god.
129
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,564
I hope there are no more
Hidden cameras in this house.
130
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,969
- joy.
131
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,363
Have you made your decision?
132
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,452
- yes, simon.
133
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,105
I will marry you.
134
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,804
- joy, mm,
You've made me so happy.
135
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,024
- hello.
- oh!
136
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,854
Who's she?
- oh, her.
137
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
Um, this is--
138
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,641
Uh,
[laughs]
139
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:23,295
We are so gonna laugh about this
At our 50th wedding anniversary.
140
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:25,907
This is my wife.
141
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,003
- your wife?
- this is yesenia.
142
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,700
- hello.
143
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,963
- what the hell is going on?
144
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,443
How could you propose to me
145
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,445
And not tell me
You were already married?
146
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,490
- well, I thought
You would say no.
147
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,100
- I would have said no.
- exactly.
148
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,624
Yesenia and I are only married
In the legal sense.
149
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:50,758
We're not married in a spiritual
Sense or a sexual sense
150
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:54,065
Or a pretending-to-listen-
To-long-boring-stories sense.
151
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:56,284
- simon, how did this happen?
152
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,287
- look, I was filming
The civil war in her country.
153
00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,376
Yesenia was alone
And abandoned.
154
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,639
The rebels were
Taking over the city.
155
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,859
The only way I could get her out
Of the country was to marry her.
156
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,338
- he was so kind.
157
00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,428
He took me, even though
In my country
158
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,778
I'm past the age of marriage
And no man would want me.
159
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:11,866
- how old are you?
160
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,694
- 23.
161
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,438
- yesenia,
Could we have a moment?
162
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,877
Look, joy,
Nothing has to change.
163
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,357
We can still get married,
Eventually,
164
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:28,056
As soon as yesenia
Can stay here legally.
165
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,971
Until then,
Just for immigration,
166
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:32,408
You have to pretend
To be our maid.
167
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,454
- your maid?!
- it's just a title.
168
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:37,369
We'll all pitch in together.
169
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,763
So we're good?
- no!
170
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,504
What really infuriates me
171
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,288
Is you doing something
So utterly stupid
172
00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:45,856
And humanitarian
173
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,771
That I can't get mad
Without feeling like a jerk.
174
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,426
- then let's just
Move past the anger
175
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,906
And go straight
To the makeup sex.
176
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,996
- makeup sex?
Sounds wonderful.
177
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:57,433
Should we ask your sexy,
Young wife to join us?
178
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:00,741
- I feel like that's
A trick question.
179
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:03,439
It's a joke!
180
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,140
- okay, victoria,
You are the queen
181
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,664
Waiting for
The republic's ambassador,
182
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,535
Played by brad pitt,
183
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,494
Who has just landed
On your planet.
184
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,975
- uh, about my costume--
185
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,935
- no, no, that's just
The motion capture suit.
186
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,850
Your character will be
Digitally rendered in post.
187
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,286
All right?
Let's get started.
188
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,375
- but brad isn't here yet.
189
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,159
- oh, no, mr. Pitt's not coming
To new york.
190
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:30,901
See, the beauty
Of these special effects is,
191
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,424
You don't even have to be
In the same country.
192
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:34,861
- but I can't film a love scene
Without my lover.
193
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,864
- vern.
194
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:41,650
- he's brad pitt?
195
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,349
- no, no.
196
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,873
That's brad pitt.
197
00:08:45,915 --> 00:08:47,570
- a tennis ball?
198
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,616
- we'll cgi brad in later.
199
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,488
This tennis ball represents
The future of your race.
200
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,924
Now, make love to it.
201
00:08:56,318 --> 00:09:00,017
- I feel sorry
For the tennis ball.
202
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,454
- you want a cupcake?
They're from film new york.
203
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:03,804
- what's that?
204
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,283
- that's
The city film commission.
205
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:07,285
The city gets
A couple thousand jobs.
206
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,766
We get tax breaks.
It's a win-win.
207
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:13,509
- oh, a politician
That brings in that many jobs
208
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,557
Could sure shut up
A braggy mayor.
209
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,167
- who are you again?
210
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:22,170
- elka ostrovsky.
211
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,128
Film cleveland.
212
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,132
- all right, and action!
213
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,004
- oh, I love you.
214
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,875
Kiss me.
215
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:39,535
Vern!
216
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,493
- cut!
217
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:42,886
Victoria, what's wrong?
218
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,584
- what's wrong?
219
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,587
I'm kissing a tennis ball.
220
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:49,153
- maybe it'll help you
Get into it
221
00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:50,677
If I can show you the model
Of your character.
222
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,113
- oh, that would be great.
223
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:55,203
I was picturing
A sexy zoe saldana type,
224
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,944
You know, like from avatar.
225
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:57,988
- this is you.
226
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,208
Pretty cool, huh?
227
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,645
We even gave it some
Of your facial features
228
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,343
So people will forever associate
You with the character.
229
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:08,608
- mirren!
230
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,745
- is that a diary?
231
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:18,139
- diaries are for girls,
Melanie.
232
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,314
This is a journal.
233
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,751
A sex journal.
234
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,884
I've kept track
Of every conquest
235
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:27,365
Since I was
A wide-eyed 24-year-old.
236
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:29,063
- you're on page three?
237
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:33,589
- it's not necessarily
My first journal.
238
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,765
- it says "Volume one"
Right there on the cover.
239
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,508
Oh, well.
240
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:40,944
I get two thumbs up, huh?
241
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:44,556
- oh, those are not thumbs.
242
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,956
- what does "Bpse" mean?
243
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,958
- best pity sex ever.
244
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:57,961
- oh, bob, you don't have to
Call it pity sex.
245
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,442
- how else
Could I describe it?
246
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:03,097
I felt sorry for you.
247
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,707
- wait.
248
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,579
You think you had pity sex
With me?
249
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,451
No, no, no.
I had pity sex with you,
250
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:12,062
Because I felt sorry for you
Because you can never have joy.
251
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,064
- and I plan to change that.
252
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,458
Now more than ever, I realize
That joy is the one for me.
253
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:19,069
Sex with you confirmed that.
254
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,466
- well, my agent confirmed it.
255
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:26,468
Mirren tricked me
Into taking that movie
256
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,297
So she could steal my part
In that hbo series.
257
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:32,256
- my advice, victoria,
Is to let it go.
258
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,476
- you're right.
259
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:37,305
No, I should quit the movie,
Destroy mirren,
260
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,220
And take back
What is rightfully mine.
261
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,137
I need something underhanded
And devious.
262
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:46,575
Oh, wwld.
263
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,490
What would lucci do?
264
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:49,970
I should call her.
265
00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,407
- you're gonna call
Your oldest enemy?
266
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,801
- first of all,
My oldest enemy is time.
267
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,022
And second,
You know the saying,
268
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,763
Keep your friends close
269
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:03,157
And your enemy of your friend
270
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,725
As close as the friend
Of your enemy even closer.
271
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:09,119
- this'll cheer you up.
272
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,948
Everyone in town loves
My film cleveland plan.
273
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:13,950
- why would that cheer me up?
274
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,517
- because you're
The spokesperson.
275
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,345
- I didn't agree to that.
276
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,651
- but it's a win-win.
277
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,610
I bring film jobs to cleveland
278
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,264
And stick it to the mayor.
279
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,441
- and what do I get?
280
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,749
- I said it was win-win,
Not win-win-win.
281
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,800
- simon's already married.
282
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,193
- married?
- are you kidding?
283
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,891
- the whole time
He was proposing to me,
284
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:43,806
He was already married
To another woman. I hate him!
285
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,983
- that bastard.
- son of a bitch.
286
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:49,029
- I can't hate him.
287
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:50,857
The woman is from
A war-ravaged country,
288
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,728
And he married her
To save her life.
289
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,251
- oh, he saved her life.
- oh, that's so sweet.
290
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:56,384
- it's not sweet!
291
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,995
He should have told me first,
But he just thinks of himself.
292
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,084
- oh, who does that?
- so self-centered.
293
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,086
- not totally self-centered.
294
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:04,522
I just told you,
He saved a life.
295
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:06,394
- okay, I'm confused.
296
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,962
Which opinion should we echo
And pretend is our own?
297
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:14,097
- this morning I was getting
Married to the love of my life.
298
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:17,666
And now, the love of my life is
Married to a hot 23-year-old,
299
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,711
And he expects me
To wait for him.
300
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:20,930
I don't know what to do.
301
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,323
- joy.
302
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,194
- simon.
- I love you.
303
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,501
- I don't want to hear that.
- I want to marry you.
304
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:27,676
- I don't want to hear that
Either.
305
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,112
- I'm getting a divorce.
306
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:30,592
- I'm listening.
307
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,861
- I'll start divorce proceedings
Right away.
308
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,907
It'll be just the two of us,
Just you and me.
309
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,517
- really?
- yes, really.
310
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:43,866
- to the bedroom,
Future wife!
311
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,695
- oh, my god!
This is really happening.
312
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,175
- yes, it's really happening.
313
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,480
To the bedroom!
314
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,613
- oh, no, wait.
What about yesenia?
315
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,311
- oh. Oh, she'll be okay.
316
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,705
I promise.
We'll figure it out somehow.
317
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,968
To the bedroom!
- yes! No, wait.
318
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:01,101
What do you mean "Somehow"?
319
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,712
- look, joy, after years
And years apart,
320
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,670
We're finally getting
Our happily ever after.
321
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,803
Can we just enjoy the moment?
- yes.
322
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:12,199
- hello.
323
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:15,202
- yesenia.
What are you doing here?
324
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:17,595
- uh, maybe put me down now.
325
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,121
- I'm so sorry to interrupt,
But I've just heard
326
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,470
That my father's been arrested.
327
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,733
I have to go back home.
328
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,430
In my country, I can't travel
Without my husband.
329
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,305
- of course your husband
Will go with you.
330
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:32,915
- oh, thank you.
331
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,786
- would you excuse us?
332
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:38,747
- joy.
333
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,401
- if you don't go back
To help her,
334
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:43,099
You'll hate yourself,
And I'll hate myself.
335
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,101
- look, I'll--I'll go
And I'll come back to you
336
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,929
As soon as I can,
And then we can be together.
337
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,844
- oh, simon.
338
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,414
- I've said that before,
Haven't I?
339
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:56,156
- yes, you have.
340
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,245
Many times.
341
00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,595
It's your pattern.
342
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,466
You're impulsive
And unpredictable.
343
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,904
- and you love that about me.
344
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,036
- I do.
345
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,256
But I don't love it about us.
346
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,649
It's always very exciting,
347
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:15,175
But it's not a relationship.
348
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:18,221
- so what are you saying?
349
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,571
- I'm saying
I can't marry you.
350
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:25,054
You're great
At the grand gesture.
351
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,274
But relationships
Are about what happens
352
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,406
After the grand gesture.
353
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,582
It's the little everyday moments
In between
354
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,540
That make up a life,
355
00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:36,196
And that's not you.
356
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:39,895
- I can change.
357
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,552
I've said that before, too,
Haven't I?
358
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,684
- yes.
359
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,735
- so this is it?
360
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:56,042
- we have a son and a grandson
Together.
361
00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:00,133
We'll always be
In each other's lives, and...
362
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,788
I'll always love you.
363
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,747
- I'll always love you.
364
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,664
Good-bye, joy.
365
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,581
- good-bye, simon.
366
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:50,096
- are you all right?
- I think I am.
367
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:52,272
Or at least I will be.
368
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:54,230
He'll always be my first love,
369
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,058
But I know I made
The right decision.
370
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,799
- of course you did, sweetie.
371
00:16:57,842 --> 00:17:00,454
- you know, if something like
This had happened in my 20s,
372
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,630
I'd be depressed
And in bed for a month.
373
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,979
But now--
- in your 30s.
374
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,983
- yes. Surrounded by friends,
375
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,550
I know I'll be okay.
376
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:13,292
In some ways,
I think you guys
377
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:17,079
Are the long-term relationship
I was destined for.
378
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,429
- I want to see other people.
379
00:17:24,868 --> 00:17:26,609
- good, you're all here.
380
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,786
Joy, I have two things
To tell you,
381
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,440
And it's best
That there are witnesses.
382
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:33,052
First, a confession.
383
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,532
When melanie told me the news,
She was so sad
384
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:38,709
That I made love to her
Out of pity.
385
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,235
- I pitied you!
386
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,280
- says the single,
Middle-aged woman
387
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:45,977
To the successful bachelor.
388
00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:50,982
- why are you telling me this?
389
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,549
- because I never want there
To be anything
390
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,813
But absolute honesty between us,
Joy.
391
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,641
And secondly,
Now that I'm done
392
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,687
Comforting melanie...
393
00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,125
I'll be devoting myself
Solely to you
394
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:05,954
Because some day
Simon will slip up,
395
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,782
And on that day,
396
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,131
I will be there for you.
397
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,741
- she just dumped simon.
398
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,700
- then as first runner-up,
399
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,702
I guess I'll be assuming
His duties.
400
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:19,315
- no, you don't get to
Automatically marry joy
401
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,925
Just because
She didn't choose simon.
402
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,537
- you know, I find it sad
That most americans
403
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,626
Don't even know
Their own laws.
404
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,457
- you're very sweet, bob,
405
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,546
But I'm not really looking
For any husband right now.
406
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,331
- I get it.
And that's smart.
407
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,116
Throw yourself
Into your work.
408
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,335
- and what will happen
To you?
409
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,208
- oh, I'll see you at work.
410
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,645
I bought back the detective
Agency from mitch.
411
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,734
He really hates you.
412
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,999
- you two working together,
Won't that be awkward?
413
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,870
- at first.
414
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:54,785
But then it'll turn
To mild discomfort,
415
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:57,353
Then to amused tolerance,
416
00:18:57,397 --> 00:19:00,269
And naturally, to love.
417
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,013
And, melanie, I know
You're hurting right now--
418
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,146
- okay, you need to leave now.
- that's right, melanie,
419
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,148
You be strong.
You hide your pain, melanie.
420
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:19,636
- oh, my god.
- what?
421
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,204
- helen mirren was in
A freak accident in london.
422
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:25,512
Someone pushed her
Into the thames.
423
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,775
- the incident was captured
On camera
424
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,994
By cctv.
425
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,387
- oh, dear.
426
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:36,566
- doctors say
Mirren is unharmed
427
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:39,134
But, shaken by the incident,
Has opted out
428
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,223
Of her forthcoming hbo series.
429
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,008
- someone pushed her
Into the river!
430
00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:45,575
Who would do something
Like that?
431
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,665
- I have a major announcement
To make!
432
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,191
- does it have anything to do
With the fact
433
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,496
That you're carrying
A harrods bag
434
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:54,976
And helen mirren
Just fell into the thames?
435
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,978
- it does.
436
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:58,893
I got my hbo part back.
437
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:00,503
I would have told you
About the plan,
438
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,026
But lucci wanted
To keep it a secret.
439
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:04,507
Oh, look,
440
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,206
They're talking about it on tv.
Oh, turn it up.
441
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,208
- mirren was pulled
From the thames
442
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,297
By american actress
Susan lucci.
443
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,823
- what? What? That--that wasn't
Part of the plan.
444
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:18,260
- a grateful mirren
Has promised to cast lucci
445
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,827
In her next film
446
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,830
Directed by martin scorsese.
447
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:25,006
Could an oscar for lucci
Be the reward
448
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,877
For her heroic act?
449
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:29,271
- mirren!
450
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,055
Lucci!
451
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:33,493
Mirucci!
452
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,023
[upbeat music]
453
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,504
- ♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
454
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,462
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
455
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:51,815
♪
456
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:54,078
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
457
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:56,124
♪ ba-ba, ba-ba
458
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,265
♪ hey!
32535
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