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1
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,744
- hot in cleveland
Is recorded in front
2
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,380
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:17,585
- councilwoman, you honor
Us with your presence.
4
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:18,819
- this is crazy.
5
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,821
You won a city council post.
6
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:24,092
Why is everyone treating you
Like you're the godfather?
7
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,464
- the councilwoman says it would
Be a shame if something were
8
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:35,936
To happen to those legs
You so shamelessly display.
9
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,905
- councilwoman.
10
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:42,110
I bring you special cannolis
Prepared by my wife.
11
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:47,248
- [as brando] This is
A nice thing you do for me.
12
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,916
- councilwoman, a request.
13
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:52,953
Food inspectors, they come here,
They give me a "B."
14
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,788
I say to my staff, for justice
15
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,091
We must go to
Councilwoman ostrovsky.
16
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,494
- I see an "A" in your future.
17
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,730
- thank you, councilwoman.
18
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:05,199
- how are you going to get them
To change the grade?
19
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:10,003
- don't ask me
About my business, joy.
20
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,372
- look, it's victoria.
21
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,041
- is that academy award-winner,
Victoria chase?
22
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,144
- it is, it is!
23
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,845
- oh, stop.
24
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,148
This is so embarrassing.
[giggles]
25
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:24,418
Not bad, but you forgot, "She's
Even more beautiful in person."
26
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,019
Oh, look what I got.
27
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,823
It's a fake oscar
I found at a novelty store.
28
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,825
I'm gonna use it
To figure out the best place
29
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:35,062
To display my real one
When it arrives.
30
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:37,331
- you know, I read that when you
Won, 80% of american's thought
31
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,601
That john travolta
Read the wrong name.
32
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:47,608
- did I mention
It's also a water pistol?
33
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,009
[text alert plays]
34
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,378
- oh, it's from mitch.
35
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,246
He's going out of town
For a few days.
36
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,915
It says, "I miss you already."
37
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,218
- aw. You look very happy, joy.
- I am.
38
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,019
But I'm scared to trust it.
39
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,889
It's ridiculous, but I feel like
Something awful will happen
40
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,358
The moment I just come out
And say I'm happy,
41
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,327
And I'm in love with mitch.
42
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,429
[text alert plays]
43
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,964
Oh, my god!
Something awful has happened!
44
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,666
It's simon.
45
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,568
I haven't heard from him
In months, and now
46
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,671
Out of the blue he wants
To video chat?
47
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,807
Oh, I should get this over with
Right now
48
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,842
And tell him about mitch.
49
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,512
But I can't.
- why not?
50
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,647
- I can't video chat like this.
51
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,682
You have to look your sexiest
When you're telling a man
52
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,484
You're never going to have sex
With him again.
53
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,321
[overlapping agreement]
54
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,122
- shall I clear the table?
55
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:36,224
- oh, thank you.
56
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,226
- oh, I've seen these.
57
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:40,127
It's a water gun, right?
58
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,262
- leave the gun.
59
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:44,232
Take the cannolis.
60
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:53,106
- there, this will take care
Of the shadows.
61
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,543
You're all set
For your video chat.
62
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,445
Just remember, your right side
Is your best,
63
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,547
Never show the left side
Of your face.
64
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,315
- what's wrong
With my left side?
65
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,551
- nothing, it's gorgeous.
66
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,853
- but you just said--
- melanie, hello!
67
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,688
- something terrible
Just happened.
68
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,857
A cop just gave me a ticket.
- what?
69
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,626
We can't flirt our way
Out of tickets in cleveland?
70
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,828
Why even live here?
71
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,397
- no, it was a female cop.
72
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,866
And I got caught up in
The whole elka godfather thing.
73
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,134
And I said, if the ticket
Would somehow go away,
74
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,136
That elka would give her
A promotion.
75
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,137
Now she's going
To investigate elka.
76
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,073
- why would you do that?
77
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,276
- I'm weak.
I'm fredo.
78
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,710
- ugh!
79
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,744
[text alert plays]
- oh, my god.
80
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,313
It's simon.
81
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,547
- okay, just remember, your
Left side's your best side.
82
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,015
- no, no, no, her right side
Is her best side.
83
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,183
Her left side is crap.
84
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,351
- no, her right side is crap.
85
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,819
- go!
86
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,021
[text alert plays]
87
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,325
- hello, simon.
88
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,295
How are you?
89
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,096
- [scottish accent]
Joy, you look fantastic.
90
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,197
- do I?
91
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,600
This is how I look
All the time now.
92
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,167
Since you left.
93
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:57,338
- why are your breasts glowing?
94
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:00,408
- that happens all the time
Now too.
95
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,976
Look, simon--
96
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,678
- joy, I'm sorry I haven't been
In touch lately,
97
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,780
But I think about you
All the time.
98
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,882
And owen and wilbur.
How is everyone?
99
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,452
- everyone is doing great.
100
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,754
But there's something
I need to tell you.
101
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,224
I've met someone, and,
Well...
102
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:21,329
I'm in love.
103
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:24,532
Simon?
104
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,833
You seem to have frozen.
105
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,668
I don't know what you heard.
106
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,337
Simon.
107
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:32,940
Simon!
108
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,508
Look close.
109
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,009
Tell me what you think?
110
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,646
Is this the face of a man
Who just heard me say,
111
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,915
"I'm in love with someone else"?
112
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,451
- I don't know.
113
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:48,956
But this is the face of somebody
Who's tired of hearing about it.
114
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,992
- joy, honey, we've been
Analyzing this for two days now,
115
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,728
And, until you reach him, you're
Not going to know what he heard.
116
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,264
- I think you should
Just delete it and move on.
117
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,766
- I want to, but for some reason
118
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:01,134
I can't seem to delete
His stupid face.
119
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,371
- do you think you still might
Have feelings for him?
120
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,572
- I don't know.
121
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:05,773
I hope not.
122
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,708
I'm so unsettled
About the whole thing.
123
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,377
I just wish mitch
Would get back.
124
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,978
- oh, I know how you feel,
Honey.
125
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:15,683
I'm waiting and hoping
For my man too.
126
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:19,753
- it's an oscar, not a real man.
127
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,922
- but he's made of gold,
And he has no opinions,
128
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,191
So in some ways he's better.
129
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,394
- that's true.
130
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:29,029
- you know, joy,
When I'm troubled
131
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,733
And I want to talk things out,
I go to confession.
132
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:36,404
- the last time I went
Was when simon got me pregnant.
133
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:40,941
I suppose god
Might enjoy the irony.
134
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,476
- oh, poor joy.
135
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:47,114
If only there was some way she
Could get in touch with simon.
136
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:50,150
- I might be able
To help with that.
137
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,623
[upbeat music]
138
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,825
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
139
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:01,194
* ba-ba, ba-ba,
Hey! *
140
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,631
- oh, my god, simon?
141
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,332
- what are you doing here?
142
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,867
- before the computer crashed,
143
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,136
I heard enough to know
That joy was dumping me.
144
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,639
I was on the next flight
Out of the sudan.
145
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,007
- he got in last night.
146
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:18,045
He stayed at my place.
147
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:21,114
- nothing happened, obviously.
148
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,951
- that's our story.
149
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:26,587
- simon, you can't
Just leave joy again
150
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:29,523
And then just waltz back into
Her life whenever you're ready.
151
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,024
- yeah, you left.
152
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,092
She found someone else.
She's happy.
153
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,961
Buzz off.
- I made a mistake.
154
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,463
I should've come back sooner.
155
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,698
I love her.
I can't live without her.
156
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,468
I need to see for myself
If this mitch makes her feel
157
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,869
The way I used to make
Her feel.
158
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,036
- and how are you going
To do that?
159
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,271
Just up and confront her?
160
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,906
- no, if I did that,
She'd send me packing.
161
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,008
I need to find a way
To get close to her
162
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,477
Without her knowing it's me
163
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,579
So I can soften her up
A little bit first.
164
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,047
You know, remind her
Of what I used to mean to her.
165
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,684
- mm, you mean trick her
Into liking you again.
166
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,687
- look, if joy really
Loves mitch, then there's
167
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,689
Nothing I can say
That's gonna change that.
168
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,657
And if that's the case,
I'll admit defeat
169
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,392
And head off back to khartoum.
170
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,695
- oh, my god,
This is like something
171
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,229
Out of those great rom-coms.
172
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:12,032
He flew halfway around the world
Just to win her back.
173
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:15,503
What if simon is her true love,
And mitch is just a rebound?
174
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,671
I think I'm on team simon.
175
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,339
- I'm still on team mitch.
176
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,742
I'm sorry, simon,
But you had your chance.
177
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,544
- let me take one more shot.
178
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,979
Please.
179
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,715
- all right.
180
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,183
I need something to fill the
Time until my oscar gets here.
181
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:34,121
So is it big news
In sudan that I won?
182
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:38,526
- people are fighting
And dying there.
183
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,829
- is that a yes or a no?
184
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,831
- I have an idea.
185
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,533
If you need a disguise,
186
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,035
Maybe you should be
A scottish nanny,
187
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:52,540
Like mrs. Doubtfire.
188
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,341
- what a great movie that was.
189
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:58,779
- my favorite part
Was when the pots boiled over.
190
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:04,552
- there's nothing funnier
Than boobs on fire.
191
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,886
- so it's settled.
192
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,255
- no, it's not settled!
193
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,423
I'm not being mrs. Doubtfire.
194
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:13,026
I'll come up
With something better.
195
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,027
[text alert plays]
196
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,395
- [gasps]
197
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,030
Councilwoman.
198
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,799
Somebody tried
To bribe a police officer
199
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,001
Using your name.
200
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,303
We have a rat in our midst.
201
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:28,141
- this does not please me.
202
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,578
- did they mention a name?
203
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,846
- no, but we'll find out
Who it is.
204
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:37,150
And when we do,
We go to the mattresses.
205
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,990
- what?
206
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,993
- we always think better
After a nice nap.
207
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,635
- hello, father.
208
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,606
It's been 30 years or so
Since my last confession.
209
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:02,776
So, if I confess my sins,
It would take way too long.
210
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:06,146
I'd actually just like to talk
About a guy, if that's okay.
211
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,316
- [resonant voice]
Tell me everything, my child.
212
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,124
- his name is simon.
213
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,627
- simon.
There's a good strong name.
214
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:23,631
I'm pretty sure he was one
Of the apostles.
215
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,635
- pretty sure?
216
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,203
- [clears throat]
Tell me about him.
217
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,939
- he was my first love.
218
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,708
We had a child together
That I gave up for adoption,
219
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,778
And just recently he's come back
Into my life again.
220
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,347
- sounds like you're
Still in love with him.
221
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,650
- no. I mean, I was.
222
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:43,751
I don't know.
223
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,453
I found someone else,
And I'm happy.
224
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,888
His name is mitch and--
225
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,958
- I've never cared
For that name.
226
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:55,495
There's the story in the bible
Of a mitch
227
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,930
Who broke women's hearts
228
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:02,169
And, um, fornicated with goats.
229
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,204
- really?
- mm.
230
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,039
- well, my mitch
Is not like that.
231
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:09,142
When I first saw him, I had
The feeling that he was the man
232
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,645
I was going to marry.
233
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,647
I think he's my soul mate.
234
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,116
- did you ever think simon
Was your soul mate?
235
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,450
- I did.
236
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,253
And I felt happy and fulfilled
When he came back.
237
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,055
Then he left.
238
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,123
He always leaves.
239
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,491
That's what he does.
240
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,527
- did he leave
For some vile reason?
241
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,996
- no.
242
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,665
He stopped being a paparazzi
For me and left to do something
243
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,935
Noble with his life so his
Grandson would be proud of him.
244
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:39,139
- so your original soul mate
Is a hero.
245
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,642
- maybe.
246
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,577
- sounds like you miss him.
247
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,947
I bet he misses you too.
248
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,582
- I feel confused.
249
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:54,254
- well, as the church says,
It's good to doubt.
250
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,394
- you're a very unusual priest.
251
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:06,566
- well, you know,
New pope, new rules.
252
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,938
- elka's going to find out
I'm the rat.
253
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:11,939
- well, so what?
254
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,340
She's not really the godfather.
255
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,842
She's not going to do
Anything to you.
256
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,777
- but she's going to be
So disappointed in me.
257
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,311
I mean, I'm the good one.
258
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,446
I'm the sweet one.
259
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,216
You have no idea
What that's like.
260
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:26,820
- no, I don't,
But it sounds dull.
261
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,188
Oh, look, there's joy.
262
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,190
So how did things go
With the priest?
263
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,358
- terrible.
264
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,093
I went there hoping to get simon
Off my mind.
265
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,895
Now he's all I can think about.
266
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,130
I almost thought
I smelled his cologne.
267
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,598
I'm sorry, guys.
268
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,933
I'm not good company right now.
269
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,870
I'm just gonna take my wine
To go.
270
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:59,586
- wow, joy really seems
Torn about simon.
271
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,988
- I know.
272
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,155
Isn't it great?
273
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,424
The seed of doubt
Has been planted.
274
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,994
She's weak and vulnerable
And drinking heavily.
275
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:10,530
She's the woman
I fell in love with.
276
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,366
- I'm not so sure this
Is in joy's best interest.
277
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:16,103
I'm sorry, simon,
But I'm on team mitch now.
278
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,171
- well, I'm switching
To team simon.
279
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,840
He shows an impressive range
280
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,708
And a real commitment
To his character.
281
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,111
She should be with him.
- well put.
282
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,714
So I reminded her how she used
To think I was her soul mate.
283
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:32,552
Now I need to remind her of how
She used to thrill to my touch.
284
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:36,356
- [with german accent]
Just close your eyes, liebchen,
285
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:41,294
And let hans' hands
Set you free.
286
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,830
- [sighs sensually]
287
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:46,967
I'm so grateful victoria
Insisted on this massage.
288
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,937
I've been a bit tense lately.
289
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,739
There's something very familiar
About your touch.
290
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:53,974
- uh-uh, no looking.
291
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,843
The hands become shy.
292
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:59,579
Hans' hands
Are uber "Ge-shy-zingen."
293
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:03,683
Your tenseness suggests
A lack of sexual fulfillment.
294
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:06,253
Joy, tell me about the sex
That you make.
295
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,921
Don't worry, I'm 100% gay.
296
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:11,391
The sight of your naked body
Actually repulses me.
297
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,727
- oh, well...
298
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,865
Sex with mitch
Is actually amazing.
299
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,466
And since you're gay,
300
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:24,704
I can tell you
He has the most--ow!
301
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,439
- so what I am hearing is,
302
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:29,442
He's not the best sex
You've ever had.
303
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,678
- I didn't say that!
304
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,981
Well, there is another man
From my past
305
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,884
Who is mitch's equal, sexually.
306
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:40,253
- I've put the thought of this
Wonderful man in your mind.
307
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:43,690
I created doubt and confusion
In your head.
308
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:47,895
Oh, I feel terrible.
309
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,997
Well, I've awakened
All of the old feelings,
310
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:53,633
And I reminded her that
I'm the best sex she ever had.
311
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:57,570
- I don't think I could name
A best partner.
312
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:01,608
To me orgasms
Are like doughnuts.
313
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:15,923
I never had a bad one.
314
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,926
- even day-olds are just fine.
315
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:28,635
- what I need to do
Is tug at joy's heart strings.
316
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,737
We share a son and a grandson.
317
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,940
I've got to make her realize
318
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,242
How much this chance
To be one happy family
319
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,410
Really means.
320
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,811
- oh, that's joy!
321
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,781
Get down.
322
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,216
- I can't believe it.
323
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:46,086
On top of everything else,
Wilbur's nanny just quit.
324
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,555
Apparently, she wants
A family of her own.
325
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,691
Well, this time I'm hiring
An older nanny.
326
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:57,564
Someone who's looking at her
Uterus in the rear-view mirror.
327
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,400
- so joy needs a nanny.
328
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,736
- perhaps a scottish nanny.
329
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,605
- no.
330
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,474
There has to be a better idea.
331
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:11,144
- I'm sorry, I'm having a bit
Of trouble reading your resume.
332
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,779
I'm a bit blind right now.
333
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,116
Somehow my contacts
And my glasses disappeared.
334
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,385
- [silly falsetto voice]
That's all right, dearie.
335
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:21,354
You have a very pretty squint.
336
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,190
- really?
337
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,992
Thank you, mrs. Mccracken.
338
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,459
- oh, please.
339
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,396
Call me elspeth.
340
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,602
- well, you seem delightful,
341
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,504
And whatever you're baking
In the kitchen smells wonderful.
342
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,439
Do you have any questions
For me?
343
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,408
- well, just the one, dearie.
344
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,643
I was wondering
About the whereabouts
345
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,478
Of wilbur's grandfather.
346
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,015
- he's no longer around.
347
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,883
We were together, but I'm
In a new relationship now
348
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,419
And very happy.
349
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,154
Onwards and upwards, no regrets.
350
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,523
- oh, there's always regrets.
351
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:59,259
I had a man,
My first love, in fact.
352
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,929
He was handsome
And craggy, quite a catch.
353
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:07,700
But then I was considered
A great beauty in my home town.
354
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:11,838
- was it a small town?
355
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,042
- it was, but
I didn't treat him well,
356
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,476
And I lost him
To another woman.
357
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,246
You say you're happy
With your new man,
358
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:21,581
But there must be part of you
359
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,051
That dreamed
Of keeping your clan together.
360
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,186
- I suppose so.
- mm.
361
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,920
Just think of the christmases.
362
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,757
The bairn and his parents
And grandparents
363
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,792
All hanging stockings
By the fire.
364
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:38,431
Wilbur, owen, joy and...
What was the grandfather's name?
365
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,967
- simon.
- simon.
366
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:46,073
Oh, goes so well on a sock.
367
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,074
[bell chimes]
368
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:50,077
That would be my cookies.
369
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,482
I've done it.
370
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,217
[normal voice]
I've done it.
371
00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:00,853
Her mind, her body and her heart
Are all a mess, thanks to me.
372
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,722
I'm going to stay in cleveland.
373
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,792
I'm going to do whatever
It takes to win her back.
374
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:09,129
- oh, how romantic.
375
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,765
- uh-oh. Those pots look
Like they're boiling over.
376
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:17,003
- oh, you're right, mamie sue,
They are.
377
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,505
- what?
378
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,641
I thought
I was just making cookies.
379
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:25,212
- oh, no.
I know what you're doing.
380
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:30,317
You want me to set my boobs
On fire like mrs. Doubtfire.
381
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,984
Well, it's not gonna happen,
382
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,122
'cause these babies
Are not made of foam.
383
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:38,758
They're a realistic mix of
Popcorn kernels and birdseed.
384
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:44,131
- now, we know why he likes joy.
385
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:49,169
He has no idea
How a real breast feels.
386
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,003
- anything I can do to help?
387
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,340
- [falsetto voice]
No, everything's under control.
388
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,208
Oh! Hot!
389
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,244
- is everything all right?
390
00:17:57,244 --> 00:18:00,147
- ah, just a spot of bother
With my rack.
391
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:04,151
[crisp popping]
392
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,685
- do I smell popcorn?
393
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:09,289
- [sniffs]
No, I-I don't think so.
394
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,990
- there's some on your blouse.
395
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:14,427
- oh, yes, my blouse corn.
396
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,630
The kiddie-winks love it.
397
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,299
Well, I just remembered,
398
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,302
There's another interview
That I have to go to.
399
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,971
So I'll leave you
With my cookies,
400
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,174
And I'll, uh, pop off.
401
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,177
- bye.
402
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:34,947
[birds cawing]
- oh, my god, birds!
403
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:40,987
- so you just got a slap
On the wrist from the mayor?
404
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,589
Well, that's not so bad.
405
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:45,192
- you probably don't even care
Who the rat is anymore, right?
406
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,893
Moving on.
[chuckles]
407
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,430
- [smooches]
408
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,931
I know it was you, melanie.
409
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:56,203
[as brando]
Ya broke my heart.
410
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,537
- elka, I'm so sorry.
411
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,005
Can you ever forgive me?
412
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,942
- as a sign of forgiveness,
The councilwoman has asked me
413
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:06,579
To take you
On a boat ride tomorrow.
414
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,751
- I just got a text from mitch.
415
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,020
He's coming back early because
He misses me so much.
416
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,722
- oh, that's so sweet.
417
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:16,823
- it is.
418
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,591
I have a man who comes back.
419
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:22,229
Why am I making myself crazy
Over a man who always leaves?
420
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,864
I mean mitch is rushing back
To me, and simon is halfway
421
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:29,101
Around the world, probably not
Even thinking about me.
422
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,138
Although, before his face froze,
423
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,507
He did say he was thinking
About me all the time.
424
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,510
Oh, why can't I get him
Out of my head?
425
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,011
- well, we just want you
To be happy.
426
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,581
So whoever you do choose,
We are on team joy.
427
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,550
- team joy all the way.
428
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,885
- thanks, guys.
[doorbell chimes]
429
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,019
- [gasps]
430
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,589
Oh, my god,
That must be my oscar.
431
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,624
Coming, darling!
432
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,394
Oh, thank you, thank you!
433
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:58,598
No, no autographs.
434
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,132
This is it!
435
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:04,070
The thing that will finally
Give me peace and contentment.
436
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:08,040
What the hell is this fat man?
437
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,208
- it's a buddha.
438
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,777
- well, what does a buddha
Have to do
439
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,947
With peace and contentment?
440
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:20,387
- wait, if you've got someone's
Buddha, who has your oscar?
441
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:24,324
[both speaking japanese]
442
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:34,334
- [speaking japanese]
"...Victoria chase."
443
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,735
- oh!
444
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:40,607
Mrs. Ladypants-san!
[speaking japanese]
445
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,846
[upbeat music]
446
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,248
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
447
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,384
* ba-ba, ba-ba
448
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:56,489
*
449
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,791
* ba-ba, ba-ba
450
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,328
* ba-ba, ba-ba
451
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:09,569
*
452
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,471
* hey!
32834
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