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1
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,411
[thunder cracking]
- hot in cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,313
In front of
A live studio audience.
3
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,082
So, rachel, you and melanie
4
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,716
Were best friends
In high school, huh?
5
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,085
- well, we had to be.
6
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,453
Nobody else was gonna
Be friends with us,
7
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,955
Right, "Smellanie"?
- [laughs]
8
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,592
I go by "Melanie" now.
9
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,993
So, how are things
With you and tom?
10
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,662
- oh, that's over.
You know, after he got hit
11
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,665
By lightning on
The putt-putt golf course,
12
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,301
He lost control
Of all his functions,
13
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,402
And then he had to use
14
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,970
That stephen hawking thing
To communicate.
15
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,940
Then one morning, he just rolled
Up to me, and he said,
16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,843
[artificial voice]
"I don't love you anymore."
17
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,279
[thunder cracks]
18
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,448
- the storm is really
Getting worse.
19
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,817
I hope victoria
Is gonna be okay.
20
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,685
Our friend victoria
Is flying home today
21
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,886
From an island vacation.
22
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,054
- we shouldn't worry, joy.
23
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,489
I'm sure she's gonna be fine.
24
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,692
- I don't know, they've upgraded
It to a super storm.
25
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,629
Super storm mary.
A lot of people are gonna die.
26
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,765
- rachel, nobody is going
To die.
27
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,601
- we're all doomed!
28
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,270
- elka, it's just a bad storm.
29
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,804
It's nothing to worry about.
30
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,440
- have I ever mentioned
31
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,808
There was a gruesome murder
In this house?
32
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,477
- what?
- and the ghost
33
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,779
Is coming back tonight.
34
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,149
- she's right about the murder.
35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,616
Before I go to anybody's house,
36
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:26,154
I visit diedinhouse.Com.
37
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,788
- oh, my god, it's true.
38
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,957
50 years ago to the day.
39
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,726
"Violently stormy night."
"Woman found murdered."
40
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,061
"Case never solved."
41
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:37,165
"Victim's name was mary."
Just like the storm.
42
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:40,234
- see how the science
Is adding up?
43
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,170
- wh--why would she
Be after you?
44
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:45,573
- she thought I was having
An affair with her boyfriend.
45
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:49,177
I have a sense
That at any moment,
46
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,779
Something horrible is gonna come
Through that door.
47
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,815
[doorbell rings]
[all scream]
48
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,016
- oh, this is silly.
49
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,786
It's just victoria.
She forgot her keys.
50
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:02,890
It's not some ghoul from
The past come to haunt us.
51
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,759
[thunder cracks]
52
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,928
Mother!
53
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,563
- hello, rejoyla.
54
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,064
- what are you doing here?
55
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:14,368
- my plane had to make
An emergency landing,
56
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,837
Thanks to your american weather.
57
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,706
Was on my way to hawaii.
58
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:19,973
- hawaii?
59
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:23,677
You hate places
Where everyone's happy.
60
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,713
- no, daniel's changed all that.
61
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,048
- who's daniel?
62
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:31,319
- this is daniel monroe,
My boyfriend.
63
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,320
- hello, all.
64
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,922
Ah, and you must be joy.
65
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,425
- yes.
- pleasure.
66
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,528
- well don't look
So shocked, rejoyla.
67
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,396
Yes, he's a bit younger...
- [chuckles]
68
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,932
- but we're very happy.
69
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,501
Now, where can we freshen up,
Dear?
70
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,837
- uh, right this way.
71
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,273
- oh, hello, everyone.
72
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,007
The airport was a nightmare.
73
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,376
I didn't see her face,
74
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:59,146
But there was this ridiculous
Woman with beaded hair
75
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:03,617
Chanting and making a scene.
76
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,719
- I'm back!
77
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,260
And I am one with the universe.
78
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,994
- remember, in high school,
79
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,129
When we both got
The bo derek hairdos,
80
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,832
And the boys said that even
Together, we weren't a "10."
81
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:24,372
- yeah, good times.
82
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673
Oh, and speaking of good times,
83
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,275
Now would probably be
A really good time
84
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,276
For you to get on the road.
85
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,510
I mean, before it gets
Dangerous.
86
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,878
- oh, you know,
You're probably right.
87
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:31,879
I-I should go.
88
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,281
I have a long drive home.
89
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:36,149
- safe travels,
Sour-faced angel.
90
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,088
- okay, victoria.
What's going on?
91
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,557
- I went on vacation because
I was so filled
92
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:47,060
With stress about
All that oscar nonsense.
93
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,297
But the island
Changed everything.
94
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,131
This is the new me.
95
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,166
- you said the same thing
About kabbalah,
96
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,704
And scientology, and remember
When you were amish?
97
00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,308
- but those "New mes" were
So typical of the old me.
98
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:03,444
This new me is the real new me.
99
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,682
- I slept with
My mother's boyfriend.
100
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,386
- already?
101
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,361
- no, it was decades ago.
102
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,895
And we're both acting like
We never met,
103
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,163
But how long can
We keep that up?
104
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,965
What the hell?
105
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,601
[steel drum music]
106
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,002
- what's that?
107
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:32,072
- oh, I brought back a little
Souvenir from the island.
108
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,841
I give you, chill.
109
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,355
- so, this is my new home.
110
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,159
[upbeat music]
111
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,362
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
112
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,665
* ba-ba, ba-ba
113
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,666
* hey!
114
00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,833
- I was on the beach,
115
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,702
Trying to get all
Of my hollywood worries
116
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,237
Out of my head,
And the next thing I knew
117
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,941
This beautiful man had his hands
In my hair
118
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:11,044
And was braiding, and weaving,
And filling my head
119
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,447
With his profound thoughts.
Oh, tell them one!
120
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,448
- [chuckles]
121
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,484
Don't worry, be happy.
122
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,456
- and so I no longer worry
About winning an oscar.
123
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,826
I just be happy.
124
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,928
- did nobody hear what I said?
125
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,398
I slept with
My mother's boyfriend!
126
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:34,067
- lady, lady, la--
127
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,103
Lady, right?
128
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:43,210
Everyone make love
To everyone eventually.
129
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:46,847
Eventually, I will make love
To all of you.
130
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,984
Now I must go upstairs,
131
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:55,288
To be closer to the healing ions
From the storm.
132
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:02,430
- oh, I know what
All of you are thinking--
133
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,899
I have found my soul mate.
134
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,702
- yeah, that's what
We're all thinking.
135
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:13,474
- um, excuse me, do you mind if
I put on a pot of tea?
136
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,575
- of course.
137
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,610
I'll help you.
- oh, thank you.
138
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,848
- daniel...
- mm-hmm?
139
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,149
- what are gonna do?
140
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,884
- well, normally I would put
The tea leaves in first.
141
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,186
- no, not about the tea!
142
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,588
About the fact that
We slept together.
143
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,758
- [laughs] What?
We never slept together.
144
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,961
- you don't remember having sex
With me?
145
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,565
- look, joy, your mother
Mentioned in passing
146
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,100
That you've slept
With thousands of men.
147
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,505
Perhaps you're thinking
Of one of them.
148
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:48,375
- you're lying.
What's your game?
149
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,377
- I don't have a game.
150
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,145
[thunder cracks]
- I'm on to you.
151
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,019
Daniel claims he doesn't
Remember having sex with me.
152
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:03,223
- sometimes, when something
Horrific happens,
153
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,258
You blot it out.
154
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,498
- I can assure you,
He would not forget me.
155
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,500
He was a clumsy lover at first,
But then I taught him
156
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,735
This certain move
That changed everything.
157
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,604
- I don't know what's worse,
158
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,305
Hearing about joy's sex life
159
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,775
Or waiting for the ghost
To kill me.
160
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:26,614
Right now, I'm rooting
For the ghost.
161
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,151
- I'd say he was a gigolo,
162
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,786
But my mother doesn't have
Any money.
163
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,888
I know daniel
Is up to something.
164
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,690
I just don't know
What to do about it.
165
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,559
- you don't have to do anything.
166
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,695
And how dare you be suspicious
Of my boyfriend.
167
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:45,566
- but your relationship
Is suspicious.
168
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,867
How did you even meet him?
169
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:50,270
- if you must know,
I was at a cafe,
170
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,706
And he talked me into buying
A jaguar.
171
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,141
- what?
172
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,376
- and if you don't believe
He loves me,
173
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,311
Then why did he ask me
To marry him?
174
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:03,083
- what?
- oh, joy, let it go.
175
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:07,387
Let this cool breeze calm your--
What?
176
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:11,124
"Helen mirren,
Oscar's surest bet"?
177
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,060
Wha--they're already making
Oscar predictions
178
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,563
And I'm not being predicted?
179
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,298
- and...She's back!
180
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,068
- oh, my god,
What was I thinking?
181
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,670
Ugh!
Okay.
182
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:26,073
I just have to get these
Friggin' beads out of my hair,
183
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,340
Put on my beautiful clothes,
184
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,743
And everything will
Be back to normal.
185
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,779
[steel drum music]
186
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:41,188
Oh, crap.
My soul mate.
187
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,355
[steel drum music]
188
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,926
Uh, philipa, let me take you
To the airport.
189
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,362
And chill, why don't you grab
Your passport and come with us?
190
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,869
- the storm is getting worse.
191
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,838
All the roads are closed.
192
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,973
We're all gonna die...
193
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,776
Together, in this haunted house.
194
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:08,281
[thunder cracks]
195
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,784
- don't worry, be happy?
196
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,256
- I just don't know what to do.
197
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,391
The whole thing is such
A weird reversal.
198
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,127
Mom's always hated
My boyfriends,
199
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,629
And now I hate hers.
200
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:24,765
- if they get married,
Will you call him "Daddy"?
201
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:28,168
Or did you do that
When you slept with him?
202
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,006
- you know, joy, maybe this
Is your chance to treat your mom
203
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,776
The way you wish she had treated
You with your boyfriends.
204
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,377
- I suppose I could do that.
205
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,479
- but what do I do?
206
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,649
Chill is like one of those
Things you get on vacation
207
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,283
That seems fabulous
When you're there
208
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,653
But ridiculous when
You get back home.
209
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,987
[sighs]
210
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,489
Do you remember that hideous
Pineapple purse
211
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,758
I bought in mexico?
212
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,559
- [laughs] I do.
213
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,962
You gave it to me for christmas.
214
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,966
- you're welcome.
215
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,301
- well, what am I gonna do
About rachel?
216
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,136
I mean, I have moved on
From high school,
217
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,072
But she just keeps trying
To drag me back.
218
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,142
- oh, it's just one night,
And she's really not that bad.
219
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,477
- oh, there you are.
220
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,013
I brought our yearbook.
- oh.
221
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,447
- yeah, I thought
It would be fun...
222
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,883
- mm-hmm.
- if we circled everybody
223
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:19,552
In it who's dead now.
224
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,488
[thunder cracks]
225
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:26,059
[bongo music]
226
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,897
- chill, you know how you go
On a tropical vacation
227
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,365
And you buy a pineapple purse,
And you get it home
228
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,634
And you wonder,
"What was I thinking?
229
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,270
Now that doesn't belong here"?
- completely.
230
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:41,208
On st. Lucia, they sell these
Puka shell flip-flops.
231
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,242
I bought a pair,
232
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,411
And I brought them back
To my island.
233
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,147
[chuckles]
Looked totally crazy there!
234
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,583
Victoria, come to me.
Come to me.
235
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,185
Please, come into
Our ohio hammock.
236
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,486
- no, it's--
237
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,088
It's a little too cold.
238
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,257
- let chill make you hot.
- no, let--
239
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,894
Actually, what I would prefer is
If you just put some pajamas on.
240
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,830
- but night is time to be free.
241
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:06,233
- well, I'm sorry, but I prefer
A man who wears pajamas.
242
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,069
But I understand
If that's a deal breaker.
243
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,471
Message received.
- no.
244
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,375
I will put on these "Pajamas."
245
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:19,880
For you, I will force this
Terrible material upon my skin.
246
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,849
- it's flannel.
247
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,752
- "Flann-el."
248
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,388
So stiff.
So unnatural.
249
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,661
- I'm glad you wanted
To talk, rejoyla.
250
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,564
I know you don't approve
Of daniel.
251
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,967
- well, I'm not here to argue.
252
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,936
I just want us to be able
To talk as friends.
253
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,873
- that's my wish as well.
254
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:49,576
And let me tell you, joy,
255
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,179
Girlfriend to girlfriend...
- [laughs]
256
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,582
- I have never experienced
Such intense pleasure
257
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617
As I have with daniel.
258
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:06,026
Your father told me I was having
Orgasms all those years,
259
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,862
But it turned out that I wasn't.
260
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,799
I was just having the air
Squeezed out of me
261
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,701
By his portly frame.
262
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:21,441
- well, that's...Vivid.
263
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,144
But passing lightly from sex--
264
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,614
- you know, I'm finally
Beginning to understand
265
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:31,184
Why you sleep around so much.
266
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,621
You know, daniel does
This thing.
267
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,256
I don't know where
He learned it,
268
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:39,492
Or what wonderful woman taught
It to him,
269
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:43,864
But it's wave after wave
Of ecstasy.
270
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,299
Whoo!
A little aftershock.
271
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,305
Oh, it's so good to share.
272
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,008
After years of tense rows,
273
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:58,078
Friends is so much nicer.
274
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,347
- [laughs]
Isn't it?
275
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,149
And, as a friend,
276
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,752
I was just wondering what you
Really know about daniel,
277
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:10,190
Because I checked online--
As friends do--
278
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,759
And I couldn't find anything
About him.
279
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,862
- so you're saying
You don't trust him?
280
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:18,899
- no, no, I'm just saying
I don't want you to get hurt.
281
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,234
- you haven't changed at all.
282
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,403
You just can't stand it
When I'm happy!
283
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,571
- what?
284
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,607
I have only ever wanted you
To be happy.
285
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,741
And you're the one
Who picked holes
286
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,477
In every relationship
I ever had.
287
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,880
- well, I was wrong!
I should have said,
288
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,281
"If you're happy, I'm happy."
289
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,283
- no, no, I was wrong.
290
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,319
I should have said, "Thank you
For rightly pointing out
291
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,523
That I was making horrible
Choices that will end in tears."
292
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,458
Daniel is obviously after
Your money.
293
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,761
- because he couldn't possibly
Love me for who I am.
294
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,631
- no, I just think you need
To end this, immediately.
295
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,700
- you are not my mother!
296
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,004
- then stop acting like a child!
297
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,606
As long as you're under my roof,
It's my rules!
298
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,408
- you don't know anything!
299
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:06,013
And you don't care about
My feelings!
300
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,215
- and don't you dare slam that--
301
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,750
[door slams]
302
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,587
So, for the rest of my life,
303
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,356
I must live with the knowledge
304
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,359
That I gave my mother
Her first orgasm.
305
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,931
- well, I can top that.
306
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,934
I went on a three-week vacation
And all I have to show for it
307
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,069
Is a filthy beach bum
Whose filthy beach bum
308
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,938
Is on my silk pillows.
309
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,243
- hey, it's 12:05.
310
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,078
- and the murder happened
At midnight.
311
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,446
You're safe!
- [laughs]
312
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:43,750
[thunder cracks]
313
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:48,555
- elka, do you still set
Your watch five minutes fast?
314
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,590
- yes.
315
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,398
[thunder rumbles]
316
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,500
- usually, when I do a seance,
317
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:05,105
I summon the spirits under
The moonlight on the warm beach
318
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:08,441
After I've made love to everyone
In the circle.
319
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,280
Anyone?
320
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,983
Okay, rain check.
321
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,251
Let the seance begin.
322
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,420
Mary, speak through us.
323
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:24,857
Spirit of mary, come on down!
324
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,297
- I am the spirit of mary.
325
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,433
I have a message
For the island man.
326
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:38,305
Go home.
You must go home.
327
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,476
Did something happen?
328
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,645
What did the ghost say?
Oh, we must obey her.
329
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,382
- don't worry,
My precious victoria.
330
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,385
Your island man's
Not going nowhere.
331
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,821
- and I'm not going anywhere
Either.
332
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:59,026
I feel the spirit is telling me
To stay in cleveland.
333
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,928
- what?
Rachel.
334
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:05,598
Don't be crazy.
Go back to scottsdale.
335
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,635
- it's phoenix.
- same airport.
336
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,071
[thunder cracks]
337
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,707
- tell me about the murder.
Who were the suspects?
338
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,844
- there were two.
The first was mary's daughter,
339
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:21,048
And the second was a foreign man
That mary was dating.
340
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,682
- I bet the daughter did it.
341
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,585
She probably couldn't take
Her mother's stubborn attitude.
342
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:29,122
- maybe mary was happy
For once in her life,
343
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,923
And her daughter
Couldn't stand it.
344
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:33,060
- I'm sure it was
The foreign man.
345
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:37,264
If he'd just gone home,
Everything would have been fine.
346
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,866
- this seance stinks.
347
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:44,137
- you know, I think you're a bit
Jealous that a man like daniel
348
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,572
Wouldn't look at you twice.
349
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,739
- I give up.
350
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:51,111
You just keep making it harder.
Harder! Harder!
351
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,980
- harder...Harder...
Now, where have I heard that?
352
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,815
[gasps]
353
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,118
Oh, my god!
354
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,252
- daniel, what's wrong?
355
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,688
You look like
You've seen a ghost.
356
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,657
- what?
This never worked before.
357
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:11,131
I mean, welcome, spirit.
358
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,365
- I really could use a drink.
359
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,335
- you heard him, rejoyla.
Get daniel a drink.
360
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,740
- why so sad, sad girl?
361
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,875
I am from an island,
362
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:26,979
But you, you are an island.
363
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:30,417
- that is so deep.
364
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:35,322
- victoria, will you share me?
365
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:37,757
- I'm sorry?
366
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,926
- share?
367
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:42,962
- I will.
368
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,332
You know, we have a saying
In this country.
369
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,767
If you love something,
Set it free.
370
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,869
And if it comes back to you,
Just keep setting it free
371
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,140
Until it gets the message.
372
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,242
- so, you remember everything?
373
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,511
- yes, your angry sex sounds
Brought it all back to me.
374
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,912
[thunder rumbles]
375
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,781
[sighs]
What am I gonna do?
376
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,350
Philipa will be devastated.
377
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,353
But we agreed from the start,
No secrets.
378
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,456
In fact, it's her frank honesty
That I love most about her.
379
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,260
- yes, frank honesty is one
Of her leading qualities.
380
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,362
- but there's so much more
To her.
381
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,430
We discover new things
About each other every day.
382
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:22,202
It's like we're both finally
Finding out what love really is.
383
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,437
[sighs]
I'll be lost if I lose her.
384
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,307
- oh, daniel, that's lovely.
385
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,542
I don't recall such depth
Of feeling from you.
386
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,044
- well, I wasn't like this
Back then.
387
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,446
- and even if you had been,
388
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,047
I wouldn't have been smart
Enough to see it.
389
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,884
- yeah.
We were two different,
390
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,653
Rather inferior, people.
391
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:46,092
- so, since our thing happened
To two different people,
392
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:49,095
Why should these two people
Here now--
393
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:52,732
Who both want to keep from
Hurting that woman out there--
394
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:56,035
Even bring it up?
395
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,707
- what have you two
Been talking about?
396
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,510
- oh, just getting to know
Each other.
397
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,446
And the more I do,
The more I realize
398
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,015
How good daniel is for you.
399
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,251
So, I give you my blessing.
400
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,821
- well, I hardly need
A blessing from you.
401
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,557
But it warms my heart to get it.
402
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,592
- oh, mom.
- oh.
403
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:20,893
- well, I'd say it's been
A good night.
404
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,229
- mm.
- I mean, even elka managed
405
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,597
To avoid mary's ghost or spirit
Or whatever it is.
406
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,898
[laughter]
407
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,700
- I feel a little cheated.
408
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,569
I really thought
There'd be something.
409
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,570
[thunder cracks]
410
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:33,406
[all screaming]
411
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,841
[thud]
412
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,843
- oh.
[gasping]
413
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,647
[thunder rumbling]
414
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,649
That might be something.
415
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,859
- elka, what are you doing
In my bed?
416
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,262
The storm's over.
- I know that,
417
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:58,164
But george is still terrified.
Look at him.
418
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,871
- all right, fine.
419
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,839
I talked to the police.
420
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,841
They believe the bones
In the fireplace
421
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,412
Belong to a local burglar
Who disappeared 50 years ago.
422
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,582
Their theory is that
He robbed and murdered mary,
423
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,216
Attempted to escape up
The chimney
424
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,586
Where he bumped his head
And died.
425
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,621
- and he's been up there
This whole time?
426
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,622
- yes.
427
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,123
Which begs the question,
428
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,958
Don't you ever have
The chimney cleaned?
429
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,830
Good night, elka.
430
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,732
- good night, joy.
431
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,034
I'll be here when you wake up
In the morning.
432
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,236
- why are you telling me that?
433
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,406
- I thought you'd like
To hear it once.
434
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,712
[upbeat music]
435
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,114
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
436
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:50,450
* ba-ba, ba-ba
437
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,657
* ba-ba, ba-ba
438
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,126
* ba-ba, ba-ba
439
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:06,433
*
440
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,437
* hey!
31956
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