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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,411 [thunder cracking] - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,313 In front of A live studio audience. 3 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,082 So, rachel, you and melanie 4 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,716 Were best friends In high school, huh? 5 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,085 - well, we had to be. 6 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,453 Nobody else was gonna Be friends with us, 7 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,955 Right, "Smellanie"? - [laughs] 8 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,592 I go by "Melanie" now. 9 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,993 So, how are things With you and tom? 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,662 - oh, that's over. You know, after he got hit 11 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,665 By lightning on The putt-putt golf course, 12 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,301 He lost control Of all his functions, 13 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,402 And then he had to use 14 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,970 That stephen hawking thing To communicate. 15 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,940 Then one morning, he just rolled Up to me, and he said, 16 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,843 [artificial voice] "I don't love you anymore." 17 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,279 [thunder cracks] 18 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,448 - the storm is really Getting worse. 19 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,817 I hope victoria Is gonna be okay. 20 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,685 Our friend victoria Is flying home today 21 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,886 From an island vacation. 22 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,054 - we shouldn't worry, joy. 23 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,489 I'm sure she's gonna be fine. 24 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,692 - I don't know, they've upgraded It to a super storm. 25 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,629 Super storm mary. A lot of people are gonna die. 26 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,765 - rachel, nobody is going To die. 27 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,601 - we're all doomed! 28 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,270 - elka, it's just a bad storm. 29 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,804 It's nothing to worry about. 30 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,440 - have I ever mentioned 31 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,808 There was a gruesome murder In this house? 32 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,477 - what? - and the ghost 33 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,779 Is coming back tonight. 34 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,149 - she's right about the murder. 35 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,616 Before I go to anybody's house, 36 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:26,154 I visit diedinhouse.Com. 37 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,788 - oh, my god, it's true. 38 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,957 50 years ago to the day. 39 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,726 "Violently stormy night." "Woman found murdered." 40 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,061 "Case never solved." 41 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:37,165 "Victim's name was mary." Just like the storm. 42 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:40,234 - see how the science Is adding up? 43 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,170 - wh--why would she Be after you? 44 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:45,573 - she thought I was having An affair with her boyfriend. 45 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:49,177 I have a sense That at any moment, 46 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,779 Something horrible is gonna come Through that door. 47 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,815 [doorbell rings] [all scream] 48 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,016 - oh, this is silly. 49 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,786 It's just victoria. She forgot her keys. 50 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:02,890 It's not some ghoul from The past come to haunt us. 51 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,759 [thunder cracks] 52 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,928 Mother! 53 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,563 - hello, rejoyla. 54 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,064 - what are you doing here? 55 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:14,368 - my plane had to make An emergency landing, 56 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,837 Thanks to your american weather. 57 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,706 Was on my way to hawaii. 58 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:19,973 - hawaii? 59 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:23,677 You hate places Where everyone's happy. 60 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,713 - no, daniel's changed all that. 61 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,048 - who's daniel? 62 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:31,319 - this is daniel monroe, My boyfriend. 63 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,320 - hello, all. 64 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,922 Ah, and you must be joy. 65 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,425 - yes. - pleasure. 66 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,528 - well don't look So shocked, rejoyla. 67 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,396 Yes, he's a bit younger... - [chuckles] 68 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,932 - but we're very happy. 69 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,501 Now, where can we freshen up, Dear? 70 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,837 - uh, right this way. 71 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,273 - oh, hello, everyone. 72 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,007 The airport was a nightmare. 73 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,376 I didn't see her face, 74 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:59,146 But there was this ridiculous Woman with beaded hair 75 00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:03,617 Chanting and making a scene. 76 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,719 - I'm back! 77 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,260 And I am one with the universe. 78 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,994 - remember, in high school, 79 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,129 When we both got The bo derek hairdos, 80 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,832 And the boys said that even Together, we weren't a "10." 81 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:24,372 - yeah, good times. 82 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673 Oh, and speaking of good times, 83 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,275 Now would probably be A really good time 84 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,276 For you to get on the road. 85 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,510 I mean, before it gets Dangerous. 86 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,878 - oh, you know, You're probably right. 87 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:31,879 I-I should go. 88 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,281 I have a long drive home. 89 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:36,149 - safe travels, Sour-faced angel. 90 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,088 - okay, victoria. What's going on? 91 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,557 - I went on vacation because I was so filled 92 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:47,060 With stress about All that oscar nonsense. 93 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,297 But the island Changed everything. 94 00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,131 This is the new me. 95 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,166 - you said the same thing About kabbalah, 96 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,704 And scientology, and remember When you were amish? 97 00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,308 - but those "New mes" were So typical of the old me. 98 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:03,444 This new me is the real new me. 99 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,682 - I slept with My mother's boyfriend. 100 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,386 - already? 101 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,361 - no, it was decades ago. 102 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,895 And we're both acting like We never met, 103 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,163 But how long can We keep that up? 104 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,965 What the hell? 105 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,601 [steel drum music] 106 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,002 - what's that? 107 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:32,072 - oh, I brought back a little Souvenir from the island. 108 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,841 I give you, chill. 109 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,355 - so, this is my new home. 110 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,159 [upbeat music] 111 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,362 - * ba-ba, ba-ba 112 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,665 * ba-ba, ba-ba 113 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,666 * hey! 114 00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,833 - I was on the beach, 115 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,702 Trying to get all Of my hollywood worries 116 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,237 Out of my head, And the next thing I knew 117 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,941 This beautiful man had his hands In my hair 118 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:11,044 And was braiding, and weaving, And filling my head 119 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,447 With his profound thoughts. Oh, tell them one! 120 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,448 - [chuckles] 121 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,484 Don't worry, be happy. 122 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,456 - and so I no longer worry About winning an oscar. 123 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,826 I just be happy. 124 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,928 - did nobody hear what I said? 125 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,398 I slept with My mother's boyfriend! 126 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:34,067 - lady, lady, la-- 127 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,103 Lady, right? 128 00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:43,210 Everyone make love To everyone eventually. 129 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:46,847 Eventually, I will make love To all of you. 130 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,984 Now I must go upstairs, 131 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:55,288 To be closer to the healing ions From the storm. 132 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:02,430 - oh, I know what All of you are thinking-- 133 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,899 I have found my soul mate. 134 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,702 - yeah, that's what We're all thinking. 135 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:13,474 - um, excuse me, do you mind if I put on a pot of tea? 136 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,575 - of course. 137 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,610 I'll help you. - oh, thank you. 138 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,848 - daniel... - mm-hmm? 139 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,149 - what are gonna do? 140 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,884 - well, normally I would put The tea leaves in first. 141 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,186 - no, not about the tea! 142 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,588 About the fact that We slept together. 143 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,758 - [laughs] What? We never slept together. 144 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,961 - you don't remember having sex With me? 145 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,565 - look, joy, your mother Mentioned in passing 146 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,100 That you've slept With thousands of men. 147 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,505 Perhaps you're thinking Of one of them. 148 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:48,375 - you're lying. What's your game? 149 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,377 - I don't have a game. 150 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,145 [thunder cracks] - I'm on to you. 151 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,019 Daniel claims he doesn't Remember having sex with me. 152 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:03,223 - sometimes, when something Horrific happens, 153 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,258 You blot it out. 154 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,498 - I can assure you, He would not forget me. 155 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,500 He was a clumsy lover at first, But then I taught him 156 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,735 This certain move That changed everything. 157 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,604 - I don't know what's worse, 158 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,305 Hearing about joy's sex life 159 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,775 Or waiting for the ghost To kill me. 160 00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:26,614 Right now, I'm rooting For the ghost. 161 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,151 - I'd say he was a gigolo, 162 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,786 But my mother doesn't have Any money. 163 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,888 I know daniel Is up to something. 164 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,690 I just don't know What to do about it. 165 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,559 - you don't have to do anything. 166 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,695 And how dare you be suspicious Of my boyfriend. 167 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:45,566 - but your relationship Is suspicious. 168 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,867 How did you even meet him? 169 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:50,270 - if you must know, I was at a cafe, 170 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,706 And he talked me into buying A jaguar. 171 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,141 - what? 172 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,376 - and if you don't believe He loves me, 173 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,311 Then why did he ask me To marry him? 174 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:03,083 - what? - oh, joy, let it go. 175 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:07,387 Let this cool breeze calm your-- What? 176 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:11,124 "Helen mirren, Oscar's surest bet"? 177 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,060 Wha--they're already making Oscar predictions 178 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,563 And I'm not being predicted? 179 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,298 - and...She's back! 180 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,068 - oh, my god, What was I thinking? 181 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,670 Ugh! Okay. 182 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:26,073 I just have to get these Friggin' beads out of my hair, 183 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,340 Put on my beautiful clothes, 184 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,743 And everything will Be back to normal. 185 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,779 [steel drum music] 186 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:41,188 Oh, crap. My soul mate. 187 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,355 [steel drum music] 188 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,926 Uh, philipa, let me take you To the airport. 189 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,362 And chill, why don't you grab Your passport and come with us? 190 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,869 - the storm is getting worse. 191 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,838 All the roads are closed. 192 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,973 We're all gonna die... 193 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,776 Together, in this haunted house. 194 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:08,281 [thunder cracks] 195 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,784 - don't worry, be happy? 196 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,256 - I just don't know what to do. 197 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,391 The whole thing is such A weird reversal. 198 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,127 Mom's always hated My boyfriends, 199 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,629 And now I hate hers. 200 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:24,765 - if they get married, Will you call him "Daddy"? 201 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:28,168 Or did you do that When you slept with him? 202 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,006 - you know, joy, maybe this Is your chance to treat your mom 203 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,776 The way you wish she had treated You with your boyfriends. 204 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,377 - I suppose I could do that. 205 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,479 - but what do I do? 206 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,649 Chill is like one of those Things you get on vacation 207 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,283 That seems fabulous When you're there 208 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,653 But ridiculous when You get back home. 209 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,987 [sighs] 210 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,489 Do you remember that hideous Pineapple purse 211 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,758 I bought in mexico? 212 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,559 - [laughs] I do. 213 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,962 You gave it to me for christmas. 214 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,966 - you're welcome. 215 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,301 - well, what am I gonna do About rachel? 216 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,136 I mean, I have moved on From high school, 217 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,072 But she just keeps trying To drag me back. 218 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,142 - oh, it's just one night, And she's really not that bad. 219 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,477 - oh, there you are. 220 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,013 I brought our yearbook. - oh. 221 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,447 - yeah, I thought It would be fun... 222 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,883 - mm-hmm. - if we circled everybody 223 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:19,552 In it who's dead now. 224 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,488 [thunder cracks] 225 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:26,059 [bongo music] 226 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,897 - chill, you know how you go On a tropical vacation 227 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,365 And you buy a pineapple purse, And you get it home 228 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,634 And you wonder, "What was I thinking? 229 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,270 Now that doesn't belong here"? - completely. 230 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:41,208 On st. Lucia, they sell these Puka shell flip-flops. 231 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,242 I bought a pair, 232 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,411 And I brought them back To my island. 233 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,147 [chuckles] Looked totally crazy there! 234 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,583 Victoria, come to me. Come to me. 235 00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,185 Please, come into Our ohio hammock. 236 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,486 - no, it's-- 237 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,088 It's a little too cold. 238 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,257 - let chill make you hot. - no, let-- 239 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,894 Actually, what I would prefer is If you just put some pajamas on. 240 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,830 - but night is time to be free. 241 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:06,233 - well, I'm sorry, but I prefer A man who wears pajamas. 242 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,069 But I understand If that's a deal breaker. 243 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,471 Message received. - no. 244 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,375 I will put on these "Pajamas." 245 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:19,880 For you, I will force this Terrible material upon my skin. 246 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,849 - it's flannel. 247 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,752 - "Flann-el." 248 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,388 So stiff. So unnatural. 249 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,661 - I'm glad you wanted To talk, rejoyla. 250 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,564 I know you don't approve Of daniel. 251 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,967 - well, I'm not here to argue. 252 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,936 I just want us to be able To talk as friends. 253 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,873 - that's my wish as well. 254 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:49,576 And let me tell you, joy, 255 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,179 Girlfriend to girlfriend... - [laughs] 256 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,582 - I have never experienced Such intense pleasure 257 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617 As I have with daniel. 258 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:06,026 Your father told me I was having Orgasms all those years, 259 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,862 But it turned out that I wasn't. 260 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,799 I was just having the air Squeezed out of me 261 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,701 By his portly frame. 262 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:21,441 - well, that's...Vivid. 263 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,144 But passing lightly from sex-- 264 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,614 - you know, I'm finally Beginning to understand 265 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:31,184 Why you sleep around so much. 266 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,621 You know, daniel does This thing. 267 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,256 I don't know where He learned it, 268 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:39,492 Or what wonderful woman taught It to him, 269 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:43,864 But it's wave after wave Of ecstasy. 270 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,299 Whoo! A little aftershock. 271 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,305 Oh, it's so good to share. 272 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,008 After years of tense rows, 273 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:58,078 Friends is so much nicer. 274 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,347 - [laughs] Isn't it? 275 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,149 And, as a friend, 276 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,752 I was just wondering what you Really know about daniel, 277 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:10,190 Because I checked online-- As friends do-- 278 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,759 And I couldn't find anything About him. 279 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,862 - so you're saying You don't trust him? 280 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:18,899 - no, no, I'm just saying I don't want you to get hurt. 281 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,234 - you haven't changed at all. 282 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,403 You just can't stand it When I'm happy! 283 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,571 - what? 284 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,607 I have only ever wanted you To be happy. 285 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,741 And you're the one Who picked holes 286 00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,477 In every relationship I ever had. 287 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,880 - well, I was wrong! I should have said, 288 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,281 "If you're happy, I'm happy." 289 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,283 - no, no, I was wrong. 290 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,319 I should have said, "Thank you For rightly pointing out 291 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,523 That I was making horrible Choices that will end in tears." 292 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,458 Daniel is obviously after Your money. 293 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,761 - because he couldn't possibly Love me for who I am. 294 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,631 - no, I just think you need To end this, immediately. 295 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,700 - you are not my mother! 296 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,004 - then stop acting like a child! 297 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,606 As long as you're under my roof, It's my rules! 298 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,408 - you don't know anything! 299 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:06,013 And you don't care about My feelings! 300 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,215 - and don't you dare slam that-- 301 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,750 [door slams] 302 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,587 So, for the rest of my life, 303 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,356 I must live with the knowledge 304 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,359 That I gave my mother Her first orgasm. 305 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,931 - well, I can top that. 306 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,934 I went on a three-week vacation And all I have to show for it 307 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,069 Is a filthy beach bum Whose filthy beach bum 308 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,938 Is on my silk pillows. 309 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,243 - hey, it's 12:05. 310 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,078 - and the murder happened At midnight. 311 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,446 You're safe! - [laughs] 312 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:43,750 [thunder cracks] 313 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:48,555 - elka, do you still set Your watch five minutes fast? 314 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,590 - yes. 315 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,398 [thunder rumbles] 316 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,500 - usually, when I do a seance, 317 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:05,105 I summon the spirits under The moonlight on the warm beach 318 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:08,441 After I've made love to everyone In the circle. 319 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,280 Anyone? 320 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,983 Okay, rain check. 321 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,251 Let the seance begin. 322 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,420 Mary, speak through us. 323 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:24,857 Spirit of mary, come on down! 324 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,297 - I am the spirit of mary. 325 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,433 I have a message For the island man. 326 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:38,305 Go home. You must go home. 327 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,476 Did something happen? 328 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,645 What did the ghost say? Oh, we must obey her. 329 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,382 - don't worry, My precious victoria. 330 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,385 Your island man's Not going nowhere. 331 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,821 - and I'm not going anywhere Either. 332 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:59,026 I feel the spirit is telling me To stay in cleveland. 333 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,928 - what? Rachel. 334 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:05,598 Don't be crazy. Go back to scottsdale. 335 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,635 - it's phoenix. - same airport. 336 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,071 [thunder cracks] 337 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,707 - tell me about the murder. Who were the suspects? 338 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,844 - there were two. The first was mary's daughter, 339 00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:21,048 And the second was a foreign man That mary was dating. 340 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,682 - I bet the daughter did it. 341 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,585 She probably couldn't take Her mother's stubborn attitude. 342 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:29,122 - maybe mary was happy For once in her life, 343 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,923 And her daughter Couldn't stand it. 344 00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:33,060 - I'm sure it was The foreign man. 345 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:37,264 If he'd just gone home, Everything would have been fine. 346 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,866 - this seance stinks. 347 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:44,137 - you know, I think you're a bit Jealous that a man like daniel 348 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,572 Wouldn't look at you twice. 349 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,739 - I give up. 350 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:51,111 You just keep making it harder. Harder! Harder! 351 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,980 - harder...Harder... Now, where have I heard that? 352 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,815 [gasps] 353 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,118 Oh, my god! 354 00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,252 - daniel, what's wrong? 355 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,688 You look like You've seen a ghost. 356 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,657 - what? This never worked before. 357 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:11,131 I mean, welcome, spirit. 358 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,365 - I really could use a drink. 359 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,335 - you heard him, rejoyla. Get daniel a drink. 360 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,740 - why so sad, sad girl? 361 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,875 I am from an island, 362 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:26,979 But you, you are an island. 363 00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:30,417 - that is so deep. 364 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:35,322 - victoria, will you share me? 365 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:37,757 - I'm sorry? 366 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,926 - share? 367 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:42,962 - I will. 368 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,332 You know, we have a saying In this country. 369 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,767 If you love something, Set it free. 370 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,869 And if it comes back to you, Just keep setting it free 371 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,140 Until it gets the message. 372 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,242 - so, you remember everything? 373 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,511 - yes, your angry sex sounds Brought it all back to me. 374 00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,912 [thunder rumbles] 375 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,781 [sighs] What am I gonna do? 376 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,350 Philipa will be devastated. 377 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,353 But we agreed from the start, No secrets. 378 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,456 In fact, it's her frank honesty That I love most about her. 379 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,260 - yes, frank honesty is one Of her leading qualities. 380 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,362 - but there's so much more To her. 381 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,430 We discover new things About each other every day. 382 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:22,202 It's like we're both finally Finding out what love really is. 383 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,437 [sighs] I'll be lost if I lose her. 384 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,307 - oh, daniel, that's lovely. 385 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,542 I don't recall such depth Of feeling from you. 386 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,044 - well, I wasn't like this Back then. 387 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,446 - and even if you had been, 388 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,047 I wouldn't have been smart Enough to see it. 389 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,884 - yeah. We were two different, 390 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,653 Rather inferior, people. 391 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:46,092 - so, since our thing happened To two different people, 392 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:49,095 Why should these two people Here now-- 393 00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:52,732 Who both want to keep from Hurting that woman out there-- 394 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:56,035 Even bring it up? 395 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,707 - what have you two Been talking about? 396 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,510 - oh, just getting to know Each other. 397 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,446 And the more I do, The more I realize 398 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,015 How good daniel is for you. 399 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,251 So, I give you my blessing. 400 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,821 - well, I hardly need A blessing from you. 401 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,557 But it warms my heart to get it. 402 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,592 - oh, mom. - oh. 403 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:20,893 - well, I'd say it's been A good night. 404 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,229 - mm. - I mean, even elka managed 405 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,597 To avoid mary's ghost or spirit Or whatever it is. 406 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,898 [laughter] 407 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,700 - I feel a little cheated. 408 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,569 I really thought There'd be something. 409 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,570 [thunder cracks] 410 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:33,406 [all screaming] 411 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,841 [thud] 412 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,843 - oh. [gasping] 413 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,647 [thunder rumbling] 414 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,649 That might be something. 415 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,859 - elka, what are you doing In my bed? 416 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,262 The storm's over. - I know that, 417 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:58,164 But george is still terrified. Look at him. 418 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,871 - all right, fine. 419 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,839 I talked to the police. 420 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,841 They believe the bones In the fireplace 421 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,412 Belong to a local burglar Who disappeared 50 years ago. 422 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,582 Their theory is that He robbed and murdered mary, 423 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,216 Attempted to escape up The chimney 424 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,586 Where he bumped his head And died. 425 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,621 - and he's been up there This whole time? 426 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,622 - yes. 427 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,123 Which begs the question, 428 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,958 Don't you ever have The chimney cleaned? 429 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,830 Good night, elka. 430 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,732 - good night, joy. 431 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,034 I'll be here when you wake up In the morning. 432 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,236 - why are you telling me that? 433 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,406 - I thought you'd like To hear it once. 434 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,712 [upbeat music] 435 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,114 - * ba-ba, ba-ba 436 00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:50,450 * ba-ba, ba-ba 437 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,657 * ba-ba, ba-ba 438 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,126 * ba-ba, ba-ba 439 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:06,433 * 440 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,437 * hey! 31956

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