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1
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,378
- hot in cleveland
2
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,413
Is recorded in front
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,017
- did they see us?
4
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,452
- yes, lover.
5
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,954
- they can't hear us.
You don't need to call me lover.
6
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:23,324
- it's called undercover work,
Joy.
7
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,792
We're chasing
Identity thieves here,
8
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,194
Crafty and suspicious.
9
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,296
If we want to get close to them,
We have to convince them
10
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,730
We're just an ordinary couple.
11
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,031
- got it.
12
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,666
- now, we mustn't get too
Attached, you and I.
13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,836
That will only lead
To heartbreak.
14
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,572
Your heartbreak.
15
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,174
All right, let's engage
The suspects.
16
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,343
- wait.
What's our cover story?
17
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,312
- just follow my lead.
18
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,749
Excuse us.
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,784
Are you staying
At the pines motel?
20
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:51,952
- who's asking?
21
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:55,623
- oh, john.
John...Johnson.
22
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:58,659
My wife and I recognized you.
23
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,728
You're staying in the room
Next door to ours.
24
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,131
We're on our honeymoon.
25
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,932
- at the pines motel?
26
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:08,202
- the original plan was disney,
But I went over budget
27
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,537
Buying my wife.
28
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:13,307
You see, she's a russian
Mail-order bride.
29
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,143
Say hello to...
30
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,845
- natasha.
Thanks.
31
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:21,382
- I'm julie, and this is
My husband, benny.
32
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,684
- say, would you guys like
To meet us back at the motel
33
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:24,852
For a nightcap?
34
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,754
- ooh.
- I don't know.
35
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,989
- oh, I'd really like
To apologize for all the noise
36
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,057
Coming from our room.
37
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,392
You know,
When you buy a bride,
38
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,895
They don't tell you
If she's a screamer.
39
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,965
- oh, I just don't know
What to do.
40
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,567
My agent told me
I've got to find
41
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,734
A non-controversial,
Inoffensive,
42
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,035
Heart-warming cause
43
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,738
To help my chances of getting
An oscar nomination.
44
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,941
[sigh] 'cause talent
Just isn't enough.
45
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,810
- well, that's lucky for you.
46
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,185
- how about some sugar
For my tall glass
47
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,820
Of white russian?
48
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,922
- you sure you need
The calories?
49
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,662
- I'm guessing
There's a story there.
50
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:12,200
- see you back at the motel.
- okay.
51
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,903
- russian mail-order bride?
52
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,638
- it's the odd little details
53
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,740
That make it seem
Less suspicious.
54
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,243
I'll meet you at the motel.
55
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:26,914
But just so you know,
John johnson sleeps in the nude.
56
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,016
- and just so you know,
57
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,652
Natasha johnson
Sleeps with scissors.
58
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,756
- pajamas it is, then.
59
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,228
- this is so exciting.
60
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,862
Bob and I are doing
Undercover work
61
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,797
For the police.
62
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,032
- hi, guys.
I'm sorry I'm late.
63
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,967
I had to meet
With the new station manager.
64
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,336
Turns out he's big
On publicity stunts.
65
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,537
I told him,
"I don't do stunts."
66
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,239
- good for you.
What did he say?
67
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,241
- he said, "You might be happier
At another station."
68
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:57,245
So, my stunt is doing my show,
Ask melanie,
69
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,747
For 24 hours straight,
Starting tonight.
70
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,251
It's called askageddon.
71
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,885
- that's a terrible name.
72
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,654
Your station manager
Is an idiot.
73
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,823
- I came up with that name.
74
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,359
And yes, he is an idiot.
75
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,126
Because he said
I sound too l.A.
76
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,828
I need to be more folksy?
77
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,764
Like--like honey boo boo,
Swamp people.
78
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,532
I don't even know
What that means.
79
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,700
[cell phone chimes]
80
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:23,304
- oh, no.
He's closing the dog parks.
81
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,538
- who? What are you
Talking about?
82
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,907
- oh, this stupid councilman,
Jim powell,
83
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,076
He says that dog parks are
Too expensive and too noisy
84
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,344
To maintain.
85
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:34,815
- so is joy,
But we don't get rid of her.
86
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,287
- of course, what we should get
Rid of is councilman powell.
87
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,988
- yeah, well,
Good luck with that.
88
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,056
He's up for reelection
And he's running unopposed.
89
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,325
- no, he's not.
90
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:47,160
This is the perfect
Non-offensive cause
91
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,596
For my oscar bid.
92
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,830
Dog's parks.
93
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,099
Hollywood actress
Fights city hall.
94
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,734
Okay, I'll do it.
95
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,304
- are you saying you're running
For city council?
96
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,306
You don't know anything
About politics.
97
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,140
- well, what did sonny bono
Know?
98
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,709
Clint eastwood?
99
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,177
Schwarzenegger couldn't even
Pronounce the name of the state.
100
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,214
He ran.
101
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,817
[upbeat music]
102
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,219
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
103
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,155
* ba-ba, ba-ba
104
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,590
* hey!
105
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,827
- I wish I'd married a nice guy,
Like your john.
106
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,830
He's so attentive and sweet
To you.
107
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,732
I've always been attracted
To bad boys.
108
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:30,137
- aw, bad boys, bad boys,
What you gonna do?
109
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,909
- what were you two up to?
110
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:39,112
- just bonding over
Some primo stogies.
111
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,114
You know, being men.
112
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,252
Natasha, this is for you.
113
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:49,523
I spotted it while I was
Throwing up in the bushes.
114
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:52,360
- benny, I thought you were
Going to stop smoking.
115
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,763
- and I thought you were going
To stay smoking.
116
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,666
- now, now, benny,
I don't think you mean that.
117
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,167
I think we've both been
Fortunate enough
118
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,736
To land
Two very beautiful ladies.
119
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:06,206
And you didn't even have
To pay for yours.
120
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,212
- well, howdy, folks.
121
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,547
This is melanie moretti,
122
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:17,150
And I thank you for
Kinda dropping in for 24 hours
123
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,119
Of homespun advice
And friendly chit-chat.
124
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,788
Now, I'm fixin' to take some
Calls, but...
125
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:24,157
Bless my corns!
Look who's here.
126
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,593
Please welcome
My good buddies,
127
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,561
Elka and victoria.
128
00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,229
Y'all come in
And sit and spill.
129
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,632
- blink if you're having
A stroke.
130
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,935
- I'm being folksy.
131
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,638
So, what brings you two
To these parts?
132
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,441
- hello, cleveland,
Victoria chase here.
133
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,775
Yes, that victoria chase.
134
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,811
I'm here
135
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,447
To announce my candidacy
For congress.
136
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,881
- city council.
137
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,851
- is that different?
- oh, brother.
138
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,588
- you may think of me
As a famous actress
139
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,590
Who just gave a performance
The new york times
140
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:57,758
Called "Oscar worthy,"
141
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,893
But I'm also a famous actress
142
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,829
Who cares about dogs.
143
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,432
- what this skinny hollywood
Type is yabbering about
144
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:06,299
Is if jim powell
Has his way,
145
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,336
The doggone dog parks
Will be gone.
146
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,838
Even though most of us folks
Love 'em.
147
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,041
- yes! He doesn't listen
To anybody.
148
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,743
You know, I once played
149
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,446
A bipartisan rat
In the animated film
150
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:21,449
Squeaker of the house.
151
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:25,152
And I made sure that everyone
In "Mousechusetts" was heard.
152
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,488
That's the kind of governing
You can expect
153
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,822
From victoria chase.
154
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,459
- she'll debate you anytime,
Powell.
155
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,026
- I will?
156
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,528
- hear that,
Councilman powell?
157
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,564
We got a tinseltown
Swizzle stick
158
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:40,601
And a 92-year-old gator
Just fixin' to wrestle you.
159
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,674
- my first undercover stakeout.
160
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,108
We're really doing this, bob.
161
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,477
- yes.
And speaking of doing it--
162
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,480
- nothing...Is going to happen
Between us.
163
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,382
- no, of course,
Because we're professionals
164
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,050
And because I have
A canadian girlfriend.
165
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,286
- canadian girlfriend, huh?
166
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,689
- her name is also joy.
167
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:05,993
Not "Also joy",
But joy, also, like you.
168
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,828
- uh-huh. She doesn't sound
Made up at all.
169
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,931
- no, I assure you
My canadian girlfriend is real,
170
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,601
Unlike your russian accent.
171
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,504
You sound like natasha
From rocky and bullwinkle.
172
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,307
- [russian accent] Which I
Guess makes you boris, darling.
173
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:23,511
- [russian accent]
Stop being busybody, natasha.
174
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:27,347
We need information on moose and
Squirrel for fearless leader.
175
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,349
- fearless leader
Can kiss my--
176
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,652
- [imitating phone ringing]
Hello, fearless leader?
177
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,820
No.
178
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,789
No, natasha was just singing
Your praises.
179
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,525
- [normal voice]
You're funny.
180
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,895
- [normal voice]
So, what about you, joy?
181
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,931
Anyone special in your life
At the moment?
182
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,533
- oh, no.
183
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,168
I'm looking for special,
But I keep finding jerks.
184
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:52,239
- [sigh] I don't understand
Why men are jerks to women.
185
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,542
- you don't, do you?
- mm-mm.
186
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,843
- I admire that about you.
187
00:07:55,876 --> 00:08:00,013
- I guess I'm just secure
In my masculinity.
188
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,281
Yeah, feel this muscle.
189
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,918
Ow! I said feel it,
Not crush it.
190
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:08,756
The hell is wrong with you?
191
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,158
- oh, I have to admit,
I'm having fun.
192
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,927
- yeah, well, I happen to have
A whole roll full of fun
193
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,696
In my pajama pouch.
194
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:16,997
Let me get that out.
195
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,967
Ah, there we go.
196
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,370
- you could've just said
"Roll of quarters."
197
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,872
- just lay back
198
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,608
And let the pleasurable pounding
Commence.
199
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,447
- coming up next,
200
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:38,185
Councilman jim powell has
Accepted victoria's throwdown.
201
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,120
Now, we got to go
To a commercial,
202
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,122
But the good lord willing
And the creek don't rise,
203
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,857
We will be right back.
204
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,626
How am I doing?
205
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:50,297
- you're making a dang fool
Of yourself.
206
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,665
- well, I'm not.
207
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,802
My publicist said this story
Is blowing up in l.A.
208
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,904
Oh, and the best part is
This dog issue
209
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,606
Will offend no one.
210
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,374
Oh, academy voters are
So politically correct.
211
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,612
You pick the wrong color prius,
And they turn on you.
212
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:07,781
- oh, councilman powell
Is heading down the hallway.
213
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,516
- oh, my god, he's perfect.
214
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:13,020
Oh, hollywood loves it when you
Go against a rich white guy.
215
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,224
Well, there you are,
Councilman powell.
216
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,892
Out of shape and out of touch.
217
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,193
- victoria,
This is bill chambers,
218
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:24,064
My new station manager.
219
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,968
- well, then I hope
I can count on your vote.
220
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,638
- I'm here to introduce you
To my good friend,
221
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,206
Councilman powell.
- hello, ladies.
222
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,808
- you're jim powell?
223
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,109
- yes, I am.
224
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,145
- I'm not going to win
An oscar.
225
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,180
[sobs]
226
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,153
- well, I got nothing
Out of benny.
227
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,721
Did you get anything
Out of julie?
228
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,257
- no. She just kept saying
She wished she had
229
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,259
An amazing husband
Like you.
230
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:56,229
"Oh, natasha, he's so warm
And caring and...Sexy."
231
00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:01,068
- mmm, so old bob's
Her kryptonite, eh?
232
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,303
- well, old john johnson is.
233
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,373
- you know, right now
I feel more like a jack.
234
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,176
Call me jack.
- no.
235
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,779
- well...Mmm!
236
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,247
[gargles]
237
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,584
All right, here's how it's all
Going to go down.
238
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,352
After the proper amount
Of seduction,
239
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:23,356
I'll send julie to the bathroom
For her pre-lovemaking toilette.
240
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:29,262
Meanwhile, I'll download
The contents of her hard drive.
241
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:33,033
So...On a scale
Of eight to ten, how do I look?
242
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,142
- 8.01.
243
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,645
- keep it in your pants, joy.
244
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,685
- don't make me laugh.
You have work to do.
245
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,420
- all right.
How about a kiss for luck?
246
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,922
- sure.
247
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,592
You gargled with cologne,
Didn't you?
248
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,229
- yes, throat kind of burns.
249
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,202
- why didn't you tell me
He was african-american
250
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,470
And in a wheelchair?
251
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,272
- how could you not know?
252
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,308
- you know I don't know stuff.
253
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,745
I can't run against him.
Hollywood will hate me.
254
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,479
I'm--I'm going to have
To drop out.
255
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,982
- what about the dog parks?
- well, I'm sorry,
256
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,185
But if I attack him,
I'll sound racist and disablist.
257
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:28,756
- it's not racist if you
Disagree with somebody
258
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,423
Who happens to be
African-american.
259
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,460
- shh!
Don't say african-american.
260
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,594
[mouths words]
261
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,902
- oh, that feels so good.
262
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,471
You give a wonderful
Foot massage.
263
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,672
- thanks.
264
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:49,376
I've practiced quite a bit
On my own feet.
265
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:53,380
You know, your feet are telling
Me that you're a lonely woman.
266
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,783
- oh? What are my breasts
Telling you?
267
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,218
- that it's a little chilly
In here.
268
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,890
- councilman powell,
269
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:06,593
I thank you for coming here
For a heaping helping
270
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,295
Of our hospitality.
271
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:12,332
Now, let's jaw a little bit
About this dog park issue.
272
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,067
Why you against it?
273
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,571
- look, I think
All that people care about
274
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,508
Is that I'm a disabled
African-american ohio state
275
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,810
Football hero
That believes cleveland
276
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,511
Is the best city
In the world.
277
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,380
- well stated, hero,
Well stated.
278
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,616
- he didn't answer the question.
279
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,119
- and as a disabled
African-american football hero
280
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,187
That believes cleveland
Is the best city in the world,
281
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,555
I just have to wonder
282
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:39,159
Why a privileged hollywood
Actress is attacking me on air.
283
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:42,930
- mm, as do I.
284
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,966
- he's talking about you.
- oh, well.
285
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,935
Now is probably
A good time to mention
286
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,838
That I was once married
To ernie hudson,
287
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,640
The pioneering
African-american ghostbuster.
288
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,745
And the great ray parker, jr.
Sang at our wedding,
289
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:02,549
Which brought flip wilson
To tears.
290
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:07,520
- you're just naming
Black people.
291
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:11,224
- are they black?
I don't see color.
292
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,759
And I love football.
293
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,461
And in fact,
After ernie hudson,
294
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,963
I married a wide receiver.
295
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,265
Was he black?
Don't know, didn't notice.
296
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,437
- how did it go?
297
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,040
- I did the deed.
298
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:31,711
And not to brag, but it's
The quickest I ever did it.
299
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:36,283
At first, I was so nervous,
I stuck it in the wrong slot.
300
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,721
And she didn't even notice.
301
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,725
- oh! You downloaded the files.
302
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,561
- yes. All the evidence we need
For a conviction is on here.
303
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,696
The police are
Going to be thrilled.
304
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:53,200
- oh.
- oh. [chuckles]
305
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,368
[sighs]
306
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,305
[sighs]
307
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,508
- you know, it's silly,
But...
308
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,311
The thought of you
Sleeping with her
309
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,980
Made me a tiny bit jealous.
310
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,348
- is that silly?
311
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,550
The entire time
I was rubbing her bunions,
312
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,620
I was thinking of you.
313
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,588
- you were?
314
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,126
- oh, joy.
315
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,828
If I'm going to be with you,
I have to...
316
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,697
Break up properly
With canadian joy.
317
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,300
- can't you just do that
In your head?
318
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,502
- no.
319
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,938
- you know what?
320
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,805
You have made
Some excellent points,
321
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,345
I think it would be best
If I withdrew from this race,
322
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,514
To spend some more time
With my career.
323
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,550
- then I'll be running
Unopposed again.
324
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,085
- no, you won't.
325
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,387
I want my dog park.
326
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,688
- so what are you saying?
327
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,960
- I'm saying
This polish-american...
328
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,196
Who escaped the nazis...
329
00:14:56,229 --> 00:15:01,734
And slept with frank sinatra...
330
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:05,238
Is running against you.
331
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,776
- bring it on.
332
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,979
- I will.
333
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,814
- whoo! Doggie!
334
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:18,986
Elka ostrovsky is running
For city council.
335
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:22,055
It's an askageddon
Exclusive, people.
336
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:27,694
Or should I say
An "Ask-clusive"?
337
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,197
No, I should not.
338
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,604
- you have beautiful hands, joy.
339
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,106
- really?
340
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,873
You don't think
They're too big?
341
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:43,043
- no. No, not at all.
342
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,012
Everything about you
Is perfect.
343
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,714
- and you're adorable.
344
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,687
- so...
345
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,756
Do you like to make
The first move
346
00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,127
Or do you prefer the male
To make the first move?
347
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,728
Or do you--
- I prefer...
348
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,230
Not to talk
About the first move.
349
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,098
The first move
Should just happen.
350
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,100
- I see.
351
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,536
The lady must be captured
By stealth.
352
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,108
[laughs]
Sorry.
353
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,510
It's...Just when you got
Close like that,
354
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:20,347
Your eyes became
One giant eye.
355
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,452
- maybe we should try it
With our eyes closed.
356
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,354
- yes.
357
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,064
- well, that was nice.
358
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:41,068
- yes, that was...
359
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,504
Quite nice.
360
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,706
[sigh]
361
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,342
I don't think nice
Is what either of us wants.
362
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,744
- no.
363
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,813
- I guess the truth is
I liked you
364
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,383
'cause you were out of reach.
365
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,418
Now that you're serving yourself
Up on a platter...
366
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:03,923
You know,
367
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,826
Maybe we should
Just shake hands,
368
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,096
Do it, and walk away.
369
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,799
- or two out of those three.
370
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:13,966
- oh, god, joy.
371
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,202
- what?
- no, not you.
372
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,104
My canadian girlfriend joy.
373
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,771
- you really have
A canadian girlfriend?
374
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,641
- yes.
375
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,110
Hi, joy, this is bob.
376
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,544
I have made a terrible mistake.
Look.
377
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,279
I'm jumping
On the next flight
378
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,747
And then the connecting flight
379
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,250
And then the puddle jumper
And then the snowmobile and...
380
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,585
Then I'll be at your door.
Yes.
381
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,489
I'll see you in two weeks.
382
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,392
- well, folks, seems like we got
Another troubled soul
383
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,893
On the line.
384
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,695
How can I help you?
385
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,164
- hi, melanie?
386
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,965
It's natasha.
387
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:50,603
- oh, hey.
You okay...Natasha?
388
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:53,706
- well, I don't know.
389
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,975
I kind of have a history
Of being attracted
390
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,345
To not-so-good guys.
391
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,947
But tonight I took a chance.
392
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,583
I went after a really good guy.
393
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,586
- so what happened?
- didn't work out.
394
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,389
Somehow I'm sitting here,
Wondering if I'm destined
395
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,359
To end up alone because
I'm attracted to the wrong men.
396
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,062
- oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
397
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,265
You know what?
Let--let me ask you something.
398
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,468
When people are stuck
In bad patterns,
399
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,704
It's because, on some level,
It gives them something.
400
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,439
What do you think
You'd have to give up
401
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:27,440
To date a nice guy?
402
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,810
- wow. Give up?
I...
403
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:35,515
I guess...I'd have
To give up the excuse
404
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,585
That when it ends,
It's always his fault.
405
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,853
- and could you give that up?
406
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,622
- I would like to.
407
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:46,726
You know, I think what tonight
Really taught me is that...
408
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,028
I'm ready for a good guy.
409
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,697
- oh, that's great, joy.
410
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:56,436
I mean, I-I feel great joy
For you, natasha.
411
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,771
- thanks, melanie.
412
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,841
You're good at this.
Bye.
413
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:05,011
- you know?
I am good at this.
414
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,647
I mean...
When I'm just being myself.
415
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:12,118
See, I was told I needed to be
More folksy, or honey boo boo.
416
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,853
But people like those shows
417
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,923
Because
They're being themselves.
418
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,526
So, for the rest of askageddon,
419
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,828
I'm just going to be me,
And I hope you like it.
420
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:26,633
And that concludes askageddon.
421
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,668
See you tomorrow, folks.
I hope.
422
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,539
- so they didn't fire you.
423
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,675
- no, it seems 24 hours
Of folksy melanie
424
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,245
Made people realize how much
They like regular melanie.
425
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:43,250
I proposed
Sexy melanie after dark.
426
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,586
- don't do that.
427
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,622
- yeah, that's what
The station manager said.
428
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,057
- I'm glad you kept your job.
429
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,926
So that's another reason
To celebrate.
430
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,962
- mm-hmm.
- and look at this turnout.
431
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,265
- you know, elka's only a few
Signatures away
432
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,666
From getting on the ballot.
433
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,270
And her dog park twitter account
Is trending.
434
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,738
- @elkastoplessparks.
435
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:13,012
- look at that, it looks like
"Elka's topless parks."
436
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:17,116
- does it?
437
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,452
- well, joy, I've got
A plane to catch.
438
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:22,522
- bob's selling the agency
And moving back to canada.
439
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,258
- I made the new owner promise
To keep joy on.
440
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:26,959
He seems like a good guy.
- good guy, huh?
441
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,227
- yep.
442
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,464
I guess when you look like him,
You kind of have to be.
443
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,566
- ooh.
444
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,967
- I can work with that.
445
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:38,004
- that's the spirit, joy.
Looks aren't everything.
446
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,144
[upbeat music]
447
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,547
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
448
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,882
* ba-ba, ba-ba
449
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,089
* ba-ba, ba-ba
450
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,559
* ba-ba, ba-ba
451
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:05,865
*
452
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,469
* hey!
32726
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