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- hot in cleveland
Is recorded
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00:00:02,084 --> 00:00:04,551
In front of
A live studio audience.
3
00:00:04,574 --> 00:00:06,306
- your wedding day
4
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:08,860
Is an occasion
Of great joy.
5
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:11,733
Nothing gives more hope
For the future
6
00:00:11,756 --> 00:00:14,605
Than a young bride
Walking down the aisle
7
00:00:14,628 --> 00:00:17,064
With the blush of innocence
On her cheek,
8
00:00:17,087 --> 00:00:19,297
Joining hands
With the groom,
9
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,053
Eager and nervous,
10
00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:24,043
Barely more
Than a boy himself.
11
00:00:27,620 --> 00:00:30,980
You know, I'm gonna call
A time-out right now.
12
00:00:31,003 --> 00:00:32,959
I realize that you
Wanted me to talk to you
13
00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:35,130
Like any young couple
About to get married,
14
00:00:35,153 --> 00:00:40,364
But given your...
"Life experience,"
15
00:00:40,387 --> 00:00:42,311
Maybe we can skip over
A few things.
16
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:45,184
- no, we want you
To go completely by the books.
17
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:47,417
- we want this
To feel like the first time.
18
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,396
Please continue.
19
00:00:49,419 --> 00:00:51,311
- okay. Well, the next thing
I usually discuss
20
00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:53,131
Is the wedding night.
21
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,833
You know,
Family planning and such.
22
00:00:56,984 --> 00:00:58,238
You got
Any questions there?
23
00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:02,514
- no. We're good
In that area.
24
00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:03,855
- all right,
Well, what kind of ceremony
25
00:01:03,878 --> 00:01:05,547
Did you have in mind?
26
00:01:05,569 --> 00:01:07,781
- uh, something simple,
Tasteful.
27
00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:08,739
- I had a thought...
28
00:01:08,762 --> 00:01:11,963
- ooh, no, you didn't.
No, uh...
29
00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:13,271
I'm gonna give you
The advice
30
00:01:13,294 --> 00:01:14,964
I give all grooms
31
00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:17,038
When it comes
To wedding planning.
32
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,878
Go limp.
33
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:22,049
Not one part of this day
Is about you.
34
00:01:22,072 --> 00:01:24,219
- all I was trying to say...
- okay, see,
35
00:01:24,242 --> 00:01:26,900
There's that word "I" again.
36
00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:29,040
That's gonna cause you
Nothing but trouble.
37
00:01:29,063 --> 00:01:32,422
And whatever you do,
When speaking to your bride,
38
00:01:32,445 --> 00:01:34,752
Never use the word "Relax"
39
00:01:34,775 --> 00:01:39,221
Or refer to anything as being
"Not that big a deal."
40
00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:40,657
- but the music...
41
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,093
- okay.
But, you see, fred,
42
00:01:42,116 --> 00:01:43,615
Really, come on now.
43
00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:47,584
You know that
Little part of your mind
44
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,434
That makes judgments,
45
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,700
That thinks that,
"Oh, this is dumb"
46
00:01:51,723 --> 00:01:53,552
Or "That's unnecessary"?
47
00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:56,169
I want you
To turn that off right now.
48
00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:58,148
Just shut your brain down
49
00:01:58,172 --> 00:02:01,021
And do what
Your woman says.
50
00:02:01,044 --> 00:02:02,139
And by the way,
51
00:02:02,161 --> 00:02:05,265
That is also my advice
For the marriage.
52
00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:08,255
- we picked
The right minister.
53
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,258
- oh, I'm so excited!
We get to have a wedding!
54
00:02:21,281 --> 00:02:24,131
- well, my favorite wedding
Was definitely my third.
55
00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:26,141
- you mean to
Your gay husband?
56
00:02:26,163 --> 00:02:28,918
- well, I didn't know he was
At the time.
57
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,353
Oh, he just took care
Of everything.
58
00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:31,758
He designed the dress,
And the cake,
59
00:02:31,782 --> 00:02:34,472
And the flowers, and...
60
00:02:34,495 --> 00:02:36,546
He did my hair and makeup,
And he wouldn't rest
61
00:02:36,569 --> 00:02:38,929
Until he found
The right pair of heels.
62
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,558
- and yet you had no clue
63
00:02:41,581 --> 00:02:43,792
There might be problems
In the actual marriage.
64
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,824
- well, what am I?
A detective?
65
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:48,547
No, I mean, I suppose
I might've been tipped off
66
00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:50,399
By the fact
That his bachelor party
67
00:02:50,422 --> 00:02:53,527
Was just a quiet dinner
With his best man.
68
00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:56,718
In san francisco.
69
00:02:56,741 --> 00:03:00,070
For an entire weekend.
70
00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:02,432
- ooh, here's
The blushing bride now!
71
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:03,836
Did you bring us
Your wedding album?
72
00:03:03,859 --> 00:03:05,911
- this is it.
- what? One picture?
73
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:09,007
- oh, elka,
You're beautiful!
74
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,285
- oh!
75
00:03:10,307 --> 00:03:12,678
- I was miss teen potato.
76
00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:15,008
In poland,
That's as good as it gets.
77
00:03:15,031 --> 00:03:17,403
- oh, well, look at
That fresh face and that hair.
78
00:03:17,426 --> 00:03:19,476
And, oh,
That tiny little waist.
79
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,232
- and I'll say it...
Nice rack!
80
00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:23,722
- you look like a teenager.
81
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,413
- I was a teenager.
82
00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:27,328
- oh, and were you a virgin
On your wedding night?
83
00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:29,403
- you don't get to be
Miss teen potato
84
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,914
Without peeling
A few skins.
85
00:03:40,438 --> 00:03:42,011
- well, elka, we have
A surprise for you.
86
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:43,575
As our wedding gift to you,
87
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,618
We would like to plan
And pay for everything.
88
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:46,926
- mm-hmm.
- oh, that's not necessary.
89
00:03:46,949 --> 00:03:48,746
I just want
Something simple.
90
00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:50,151
- well, we can
Totally do simple!
91
00:03:50,173 --> 00:03:52,129
You know, I hear that
Under 200 guests
92
00:03:52,152 --> 00:03:54,299
Is very chic right now.
- mm-hmm.
93
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:55,608
- so we could get away
With two tents.
94
00:03:55,631 --> 00:03:56,854
- chamber instead of
A full orchestra.
95
00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,800
- maybe just three horses
For the carriage.
96
00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,077
- oh, wait.
97
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,790
All I want
Are a few close friends
98
00:04:02,813 --> 00:04:05,121
As I exchange vows
Before god
99
00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:07,354
With the man I adore.
100
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,418
- well, that's just sad.
101
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,844
- you just need
To do some research.
102
00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:14,121
We've got bride magazines,
103
00:04:14,144 --> 00:04:15,717
And there's
A ton of wedding shows
104
00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:17,759
You can download.
- yeah, you have to make sure
105
00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:19,515
That every detail
Is perfect.
106
00:04:19,538 --> 00:04:21,909
Remember, all eyes
Will be on you.
107
00:04:21,931 --> 00:04:24,079
- that's true.
108
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:25,899
This was
A long time ago.
109
00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:29,090
- oh, good! It's here.
- what is?
110
00:04:29,114 --> 00:04:32,123
- what's going to help us pay
For this wedding and more.
111
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,793
- oh, all right.
Well, here, start studying.
112
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,698
- thank you.
113
00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:43,964
Okay, you remember
When I did that commercial
114
00:04:43,987 --> 00:04:46,040
For mrs. Ladypants?
115
00:04:46,062 --> 00:04:48,688
- oh, yeah,
Your diaper pants.
116
00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:51,274
- they weren't diapers.
They are activewear slacks.
117
00:04:51,297 --> 00:04:52,423
- that you pee in.
118
00:04:55,861 --> 00:04:57,945
- look, they didn't air any
Of those commercials in america,
119
00:04:57,967 --> 00:05:00,301
And they're paying me a bundle
To try their newest product.
120
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,009
"Dear chase victoria,
121
00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:06,563
"Million of women
Trust mrs. Ladypants,
122
00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:11,318
"Number one
For freshness of crotch.
123
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:13,776
"Now crotch-fresh feelings
Can whisper all over
124
00:05:13,799 --> 00:05:17,064
"With mrs. Ladypants
For body.
125
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:18,660
"Feed your garbage daily
126
00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:21,393
With our single-use
Freshness jumpsuits."
127
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,150
- so they're
Disposable diaper clothes?
128
00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:30,022
- no. They are
Experimental prototypes.
129
00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,427
I'm supposed to wear them
Day and night
130
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:32,640
For the next week.
131
00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:35,831
Uh, "You will feel
So much happy
132
00:05:35,854 --> 00:05:38,088
"You will make water
In your clothes.
133
00:05:40,994 --> 00:05:43,142
"No problem
For chase victoria,
134
00:05:43,164 --> 00:05:46,652
"The face of incontinence,
135
00:05:46,675 --> 00:05:48,918
And now sweating."
136
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,898
- aah!
- joy, get up! Now!
137
00:05:59,921 --> 00:06:02,292
- elka, what is it?
- you were right!
138
00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:04,686
My wedding
Needs to be big!
139
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:07,654
You're my wedding planner!
140
00:06:07,678 --> 00:06:08,676
- why me?
141
00:06:08,699 --> 00:06:10,591
- because melanie's
Too nice,
142
00:06:10,614 --> 00:06:12,346
And victoria's
Too crazy.
143
00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:15,059
You've got just
The right amount of bitch
144
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:17,548
To get the job done.
145
00:06:17,571 --> 00:06:20,549
- oh, I'm flattered
That you chose me.
146
00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:23,006
I know we've
Never been close, but...
147
00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:24,507
- this is not
A sweet moment!
148
00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:27,657
Get your bony ass
Out of bed!
149
00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:32,678
- wow! You're up early.
150
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,817
- oh, lord,
Wait till I tell you.
151
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,774
What's that noise?
152
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,584
- oh, I hope there's not
An animal in the walls.
153
00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:56,779
Morning.
154
00:06:58,045 --> 00:07:00,415
- are you okay?
- ugh.
155
00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:01,852
This suit seems
To be just sucking
156
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,575
All the moisture
Out of me.
157
00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:05,384
Just so dry.
158
00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:08,714
So...
159
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:09,831
What's all this?
160
00:07:09,854 --> 00:07:11,906
- oh, your
Wedding assignments.
161
00:07:11,928 --> 00:07:13,470
For the last two days,
Elka's done nothing
162
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:15,226
But study magazines,
And books,
163
00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,694
And watch cable shows...
164
00:07:16,716 --> 00:07:19,726
bridezillas, bride wars,
Bridalplasty
165
00:07:19,749 --> 00:07:21,194
- bridalplasty?
What's that?
166
00:07:21,217 --> 00:07:22,471
- it's this ridiculous show
167
00:07:22,494 --> 00:07:24,194
Where women get plastic surgery
Before their weddings.
168
00:07:24,217 --> 00:07:27,355
- and? I am missing
The twist.
169
00:07:27,378 --> 00:07:30,227
- last night,
Elka woke me up at 3:00 a.M.
170
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,430
To announce that I
Was her wedding planner.
171
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:35,206
And you wouldn't believe
The mood swings.
172
00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:37,248
I'm afraid we've created
A bit of a monster.
173
00:07:37,272 --> 00:07:39,547
- oh, well, now, you and elka
Never see eye to eye.
174
00:07:39,570 --> 00:07:41,004
I'm sure she'll be fine.
175
00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:54,283
- I got a spray tan.
176
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,347
- yes, we can see that.
177
00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:00,166
Why?
178
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,954
- all the brides do it.
179
00:08:01,976 --> 00:08:05,136
What do you think?
Now, be honest.
180
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:09,678
- well...
- you don't like it.
181
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:12,040
My wedding's ruined!
- no, no, no, no.
182
00:08:12,063 --> 00:08:14,082
We... We love it a lot.
183
00:08:14,105 --> 00:08:17,360
- you look very tropical.
184
00:08:20,138 --> 00:08:22,349
- oh, no!
185
00:08:22,372 --> 00:08:25,179
I look like
A oompa-loompa!
186
00:08:27,735 --> 00:08:29,276
- elka!
187
00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:31,191
- don't you watch
Bridal shows?
188
00:08:31,214 --> 00:08:34,511
That's how we all talk.
189
00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:36,394
- also, bride has requested
190
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,405
That we do a choreographed
Aisle walk.
191
00:08:38,428 --> 00:08:41,597
- I want it to go viral.
192
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:42,873
- now, elka...
193
00:08:42,896 --> 00:08:46,373
- get... It... Done.
194
00:08:49,215 --> 00:08:51,586
- she's also become a fan
Of turning everything
195
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,662
Into a string
Of one-word sentences.
196
00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:54,747
- all...
197
00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:56,790
Brides...
198
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:58,267
Do it.
199
00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:04,918
- welcome to bridezelka.
200
00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,334
- crap.
201
00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:18,143
Crap.
202
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,282
Crap.
203
00:09:20,304 --> 00:09:23,696
I need rosier roses.
Write it down.
204
00:09:23,719 --> 00:09:24,718
- I'll remember.
205
00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:27,591
- write... It... Down.
206
00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:36,527
- hello, fred.
- hi.
207
00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:37,804
- hi, groom.
208
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,337
- hi, bride!
209
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,539
- you're late.
210
00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:43,198
- I'm sorry.
I was, uh, delayed,
211
00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:46,103
Answering questions
About this.
212
00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:48,593
Do we have to wear this
All the time?
213
00:09:48,616 --> 00:09:50,668
I didn't realize
214
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:54,019
That doing the least
Little thing for me
215
00:09:54,042 --> 00:09:56,733
Was such a chore.
216
00:09:56,756 --> 00:09:58,999
- please don't cry.
I'm happy to wear it.
217
00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:01,158
- oh.
218
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:05,031
- whoa! Whoa,
What's all this?
219
00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:06,500
Whatever happened
To "Simple"?
220
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,159
- bride has decided
221
00:10:08,182 --> 00:10:10,521
She'd like something
A little more elaborate.
222
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:12,787
- mmm. This red velvet
Is heaven!
223
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,542
- yeah, if heaven
Is three layers of crap
224
00:10:14,565 --> 00:10:17,574
With crap in between.
225
00:10:17,598 --> 00:10:19,490
- o-kay...
226
00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:23,256
- oh, it's melanie
And victoria skyping us
227
00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:24,597
From the bridal shop.
228
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,480
It's the annual running
Of the dress.
229
00:10:26,503 --> 00:10:28,395
- what's that?
- it's this huge sale
230
00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:29,832
Where hundreds
Of brides compete
231
00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:32,225
To grab top designer
Wedding gowns.
232
00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:34,077
The dress bride wants
Is there.
233
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,088
- I saw it
In a bridal magazine.
234
00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:38,450
I wanna feel like
A princess.
235
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:42,280
- yes, but all that trouble
Over one dress sounds...
236
00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:43,897
- sounds what?
237
00:10:45,016 --> 00:10:47,514
What does it sound like?
238
00:10:47,537 --> 00:10:50,451
Come on, open your cakehole
And tell me.
239
00:10:50,474 --> 00:10:53,004
- nothing, princess.
240
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,281
- oh, hi!
241
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,005
Melanie and victoria,
We can see you!
242
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,941
- these women are crazy!
243
00:10:59,379 --> 00:11:00,889
- we got your dress!
244
00:11:00,912 --> 00:11:02,644
- ooh, it's perfect!
245
00:11:02,666 --> 00:11:04,336
Melanie, sweetie,
Try it on.
246
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,315
- but there's
No dressing rooms!
247
00:11:06,337 --> 00:11:08,772
- try it on.
248
00:11:15,435 --> 00:11:17,762
May I help you?
249
00:11:22,871 --> 00:11:25,497
- in this second
Counseling session,
250
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,636
I usually answer
Any additional questions
251
00:11:27,658 --> 00:11:29,295
That may've come up.
252
00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:31,115
But first I have a question.
253
00:11:31,138 --> 00:11:32,200
Who are you?
254
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:35,775
- oh. Joy scroggs.
255
00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:37,690
I'm the bride's proxy.
256
00:11:37,714 --> 00:11:39,700
You see, none of
The cake decorators
257
00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:41,488
In cleveland
Met her standards,
258
00:11:41,511 --> 00:11:43,722
So she's spending
The day in chicago.
259
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:44,808
- mm.
260
00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:45,830
Is that a bruise?
261
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:48,989
- ugh, it's just
A rejected bouquet.
262
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,234
- she threw it at you?
263
00:11:50,257 --> 00:11:51,893
- our official position
264
00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:55,596
Is that I failed
To duck properly.
265
00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:57,735
- it's like I was saying
On the phone, reverend.
266
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,363
I don't know
What's come over elka.
267
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,118
She's lost her mind.
268
00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:03,449
- oh.
269
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,108
It's a text from bride.
270
00:12:05,131 --> 00:12:08,460
"What is fred
Saying about me?"
271
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:10,854
- I know you said
To go limp, reverend,
272
00:12:10,877 --> 00:12:12,226
But shouldn't I
Be honest?
273
00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:15,897
- uh, that depends on
How long you wanna be married.
274
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,438
- tell her I worship
The ground she walks on.
275
00:12:19,526 --> 00:12:21,163
- and add a compliment
About her hair.
276
00:12:21,186 --> 00:12:22,600
- I can't see her hair.
277
00:12:22,623 --> 00:12:23,620
- oh, that don't matter.
278
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,376
Women just like
Somebody somewhere
279
00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:27,323
Saying something nice
About their hair
280
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:29,175
At all times.
281
00:12:29,197 --> 00:12:32,238
By the way,
Yours looks lovely.
282
00:12:32,261 --> 00:12:34,345
- oh! Thank you
So much.
283
00:12:36,602 --> 00:12:38,208
Hey!
284
00:12:38,231 --> 00:12:40,654
I wanna have sex
With you!
285
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:45,251
- wow! Elka told me
You were a tramp!
286
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,133
He's a minister!
287
00:12:48,156 --> 00:12:49,954
- fred, I wasn't
Always a minister.
288
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,826
Uh, I was a singer
Before I got my calling.
289
00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:57,071
I wanna have sex with you
Was a record I made.
290
00:12:57,095 --> 00:13:00,327
- ♪ ooh, baby,
It's time to lock the door ♪
291
00:13:00,349 --> 00:13:05,242
- ♪ you know I wanna see
That clothing hit the floor ♪
292
00:13:05,265 --> 00:13:07,764
Both: ♪ ooh-ooh,
Ooh, ooh ♪
293
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,796
♪ bah-bah, bah,
Bah-bah, bah ♪
294
00:13:10,819 --> 00:13:15,424
♪ I wanna have sex
With you ♪
295
00:13:15,447 --> 00:13:17,179
Both:
296
00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:19,797
- my friend melanie
Lost her virginity to you.
297
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,424
- oh, yeah,
I get that a lot.
298
00:13:24,161 --> 00:13:26,181
- how does your congregation
Feel about that song?
299
00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:27,936
- well, I get
Varied reactions.
300
00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:30,512
It's an issue.
301
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:35,596
- oh. It's elka again.
302
00:13:35,619 --> 00:13:38,118
New wedding theme...
303
00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:40,384
Robin hood
And maid marian.
304
00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:42,427
- I gotta wear tights now?
305
00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:45,459
- I'm sure you've got
The legs to pull it off.
306
00:13:45,482 --> 00:13:47,534
- this is it.
I can't take anymore.
307
00:13:47,557 --> 00:13:49,034
- reverend,
Say something.
308
00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:50,120
- I... I don't know.
309
00:13:50,142 --> 00:13:52,791
I'm worried about
Being friar tuck.
310
00:13:54,548 --> 00:13:56,599
- the wedding is off.
311
00:13:56,622 --> 00:13:58,865
- fred!
312
00:13:58,889 --> 00:14:01,450
What am I gonna do?
Elka's gonna be furious!
313
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,620
- well, I suggest you
Turn the other cheek.
314
00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,844
That way the bruises
Will match up.
315
00:14:10,378 --> 00:14:11,887
- I can't believe it!
316
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:14,249
I delegate one thing,
And you screw it up!
317
00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:15,398
Where's
My hurling bouquet?
318
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:19,133
- I'll get it.
319
00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,824
- wait, what...
What's this?
320
00:14:20,847 --> 00:14:23,559
- it's fred's jacket.
He dropped it off.
321
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:28,773
Oh, fred.
322
00:14:28,795 --> 00:14:33,688
I ruined everything!
323
00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:35,635
- oh, elka. Elka,
This never would've happened
324
00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:37,997
If we hadn't talked you
Into having a big wedding.
325
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:41,221
- no. I blew it!
326
00:14:41,243 --> 00:14:43,539
There's no fool
Like an old fool!
327
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:55,349
This is so sad.
328
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:02,957
Do you think
The wedding's really off?
329
00:15:02,979 --> 00:15:04,393
- no.
330
00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:05,830
no, it is not off.
331
00:15:05,853 --> 00:15:07,586
I have put up
With too much abuse,
332
00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:10,138
And foul language,
And bouquet grenades
333
00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:11,416
To give up now.
334
00:15:11,438 --> 00:15:13,043
The problem is,
335
00:15:13,066 --> 00:15:15,022
Fred is only seeing
The labor pains.
336
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,693
We are gonna show him
The baby.
337
00:15:23,408 --> 00:15:25,204
Ladies and gentlemen,
338
00:15:25,227 --> 00:15:28,396
We give you
Your wedding party!
339
00:15:31,611 --> 00:15:34,417
♪ ♪
340
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,483
- that was
Very impressive, but...
341
00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:52,654
- wait, wait, wait.
Before you say anything more,
342
00:15:52,676 --> 00:15:54,155
The reason
We showed you this
343
00:15:54,177 --> 00:15:55,717
Was so that you could see
What a spectacular day
344
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:57,187
Elka was trying
To put together for you.
345
00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,133
- I mean, look
How much fun it's gonna be.
346
00:15:59,156 --> 00:16:00,984
The aisle walk,
That's just the beginning.
347
00:16:02,316 --> 00:16:04,751
- I don't wanna ruin
The moment here or anything,
348
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,049
But are you
About to explode?
349
00:16:07,072 --> 00:16:10,241
Oh...
350
00:16:10,263 --> 00:16:14,071
It's the sweat
From all the dancing.
351
00:16:14,093 --> 00:16:16,305
But I might need somebody
To cut me out of this
352
00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,188
When we're done.
353
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,167
- elka was just acting
The way she was
354
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,316
Because she wants
Your special day
355
00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,594
To be perfect.
356
00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:24,923
- that's not the reason!
357
00:16:24,946 --> 00:16:27,222
- who said that?
358
00:16:27,245 --> 00:16:29,679
- I did.
359
00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:30,860
- elka?
360
00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:33,350
- elka, we didn't know
You were here.
361
00:16:33,373 --> 00:16:35,999
- so, elka,
What is the reason?
362
00:16:36,022 --> 00:16:37,755
- the first time
I got married,
363
00:16:37,778 --> 00:16:39,830
I was 19.
364
00:16:39,853 --> 00:16:42,988
At that age,
I didn't even need a bouquet.
365
00:16:43,011 --> 00:16:44,522
I was the flower.
366
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,372
Well, elka...
367
00:16:46,395 --> 00:16:49,948
Go limp.
368
00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:53,011
- then I started reading
All those bridal magazines.
369
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:55,597
Which was totally our fault.
370
00:16:55,621 --> 00:16:59,906
They were all so young,
As brides are supposed to be.
371
00:16:59,929 --> 00:17:02,427
As I was.
372
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,501
I didn't want you
Looking down the aisle
373
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,162
And being disappointed.
374
00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:07,949
- oh, elka!
375
00:17:07,971 --> 00:17:11,205
- oh, I thought all the hoopla
Would distract you.
376
00:17:11,228 --> 00:17:12,705
I was scared.
377
00:17:12,728 --> 00:17:13,918
I am scared.
378
00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:16,313
- but that's just...
379
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,833
I have a feeling the next words
I say are very important,
380
00:17:18,856 --> 00:17:20,110
And I don't wanna
Mess it up.
381
00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,758
Can I have
A little help, please?
382
00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:24,675
- look, elka,
383
00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:27,548
You know, I marry
Young people all the time,
384
00:17:27,570 --> 00:17:29,686
But I worry about them.
385
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:32,972
I even try to slow down
On certain vows...
386
00:17:32,995 --> 00:17:34,761
"For better or for worse,"
387
00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:36,262
"Forsaking all others,"
388
00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:38,526
"In sickness and in health"...
389
00:17:38,549 --> 00:17:41,750
Just hoping they
Really hear the words.
390
00:17:41,773 --> 00:17:43,283
But how can they?
391
00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,135
They're living
In a dream world.
392
00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:48,708
They're young, and pretty,
And nothing hurts yet.
393
00:17:48,731 --> 00:17:51,582
But you two,
I don't worry.
394
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,295
Most people your age
Are alone.
395
00:17:54,318 --> 00:17:57,806
Oh, they have kids,
And grandkids, and friends,
396
00:17:57,829 --> 00:17:59,529
But they don't have
That special someone
397
00:17:59,552 --> 00:18:00,997
To hold in their arms.
398
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:05,626
So, elka, when young fred here
Looks down the aisle,
399
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:08,657
Will he see his beautiful,
Radiant bride,
400
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,956
Ready to have and to hold?
401
00:18:10,979 --> 00:18:13,786
Oh, yes!
402
00:18:17,682 --> 00:18:20,212
- uh, hey,
What about me?
403
00:18:20,235 --> 00:18:22,084
Both: in a minute.
404
00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,768
- ♪ now the whole world's
Asleep ♪
405
00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:36,427
♪ but we're
Still making plans ♪
406
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:37,767
Women: ♪ 'cause once
Is not enough ♪
407
00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:41,119
♪ when a woman loves a man ♪
408
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:43,704
All: ♪ ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
409
00:18:43,727 --> 00:18:46,992
♪ bah-bah bah,
Bah-bah bah ♪
410
00:18:47,015 --> 00:18:51,705
♪ I wanna have sex
With you ♪
411
00:18:55,378 --> 00:18:56,664
- so what do you think?
412
00:18:56,687 --> 00:18:58,834
- we can sing it
At your reception!
413
00:18:58,857 --> 00:19:02,313
- um, I think we'll
Probably stick with sinatra.
414
00:19:02,336 --> 00:19:04,579
- well, I have
Other songs I can...
415
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,196
- go limp.
29149
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