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00:00:00,661 --> 00:00:02,361
- hot in cleveland
Is recorded
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00:00:02,384 --> 00:00:04,648
In front of a live
Studio audience.
3
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,169
- and you know, colin,
I was surprised to find out
4
00:00:07,235 --> 00:00:10,616
How many ohioans are making
Cheese in their own backyards.
5
00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:13,170
And who knew cheese
Came from an animal?
6
00:00:13,235 --> 00:00:16,074
- er, everybody.
7
00:00:16,139 --> 00:00:18,627
And for those of you who like
Wine with with your cheese,
8
00:00:18,692 --> 00:00:20,232
And I know you do,
Victoria,
9
00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:23,254
Tonight's tech report reviews
A groundbreaking new app
10
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,520
That actually lets you
Taste and smell things
11
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:26,956
Right on your computer.
12
00:00:27,022 --> 00:00:29,956
For example,
This 1964 lafite.
13
00:00:31,012 --> 00:00:32,445
Oh, that is fantastic.
14
00:00:32,512 --> 00:00:35,637
Victoria, smell the bouquet.
15
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,127
- I don't smell anything.
- really?
16
00:00:38,192 --> 00:00:39,222
Well, they did say
Senior citizens
17
00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:40,531
Might not be able
To smell it...
18
00:00:40,554 --> 00:00:42,276
- wait, wait, wait, wait!
19
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:44,638
Ah, yes, yes.
No, I... I smell it now.
20
00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,169
I smell it big time.
21
00:00:46,235 --> 00:00:48,787
- and the most
Amazing feature is,
22
00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:50,286
If you lick the screen,
23
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:51,989
You can actually
Taste the wine.
24
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,318
It's remarkable.
25
00:00:57,533 --> 00:01:00,276
- mmm.
Oh, it's a bit tannic.
26
00:01:00,342 --> 00:01:02,158
But, um, very bold finish.
27
00:01:08,225 --> 00:01:10,393
- gotcha!
28
00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:12,722
Oh, the fun we have here
At channel seven.
29
00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,617
- oh, we certainly do.
Lots of fun.
30
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,649
- but what isn't fun
31
00:01:16,715 --> 00:01:18,543
Is that there is something
In your house right now
32
00:01:18,566 --> 00:01:20,298
That may be killing you
And your children.
33
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,330
Stay tuned right
After these words.
34
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,010
- I mean, colin pulls these
Pranks all the time.
35
00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:27,446
This is just the first
Time he's had the nerve
36
00:01:27,469 --> 00:01:29,000
To do it on the air.
37
00:01:29,066 --> 00:01:30,351
- so what did you say
To him?
38
00:01:30,374 --> 00:01:32,286
- oh, I went ballistic,
Of course.
39
00:01:32,352 --> 00:01:33,797
And then he said what
He always says.
40
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,925
"Oh, get over it!"
- ew!
41
00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:37,872
I hate when men say
Things like that.
42
00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:39,638
"Get over it"
Or "Just relax"
43
00:01:39,661 --> 00:01:42,818
Or "How did you get into
My apartment without a key?"
44
00:01:42,884 --> 00:01:45,245
- anyway, this time I don't
Want to get over it.
45
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:46,394
I want to get even.
46
00:01:46,459 --> 00:01:48,660
- well, you've come
To the right place.
47
00:01:48,725 --> 00:01:51,245
What's his horse's head?
- excuse me?
48
00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:52,552
- his weakness.
49
00:01:52,619 --> 00:01:53,967
you know,
Like in the godfather,
50
00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:55,851
Where the guy wakes up with his
Horse's head in the bed.
51
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,755
Good one that.
- oh, yeah.
52
00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,606
Well, colin considers himself
53
00:01:59,672 --> 00:02:01,712
Cleveland's
Premier ladies man.
54
00:02:01,778 --> 00:02:04,042
You know, he pumps them up
And then sleeps with them
55
00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:06,532
And dumps them and brags
About it in the newsroom.
56
00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:07,884
- hmm.
Has he ever been dumped?
57
00:02:07,907 --> 00:02:10,234
- no, no, he prides
Himself on that.
58
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,670
- then that's what we'll do.
59
00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:13,585
I'll seduce him,
Lead him on,
60
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,979
Then dump him in one of
The hideously embarrassing ways
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00:02:16,044 --> 00:02:18,692
Men have always dumped me.
62
00:02:18,757 --> 00:02:21,980
It's about time I gave a man
A taste of his own medicine.
63
00:02:22,044 --> 00:02:24,595
Like that pharmacist I dated.
64
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,298
Only I didn't know
He'd have that reaction
65
00:02:26,321 --> 00:02:28,905
To his own medicine.
66
00:02:28,971 --> 00:02:31,394
Anyway, this'll be fun.
67
00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:33,320
- and I won't micro-manage
Your method.
68
00:02:33,342 --> 00:02:35,426
You know, just be sure
That I am there when you do it,
69
00:02:35,449 --> 00:02:38,031
So that I can pop out and sneer,
"Oh, get over it!"
70
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,883
- you'll never believe
Who I ran into.
71
00:02:42,949 --> 00:02:45,180
Dead wife guy.
72
00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:48,086
- you mean the guy who almost
Threw up when he saw you
73
00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:50,288
Because you look
Like his dead wife?
74
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:51,862
- yes.
Dead wife guy.
75
00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:53,798
We had
A beautiful conversation.
76
00:02:53,865 --> 00:02:54,915
He asked me out.
77
00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:56,575
And get this... He imports
78
00:02:56,641 --> 00:02:58,745
Italian... Designer... Shoes.
79
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,303
- no!
- get out!
80
00:03:00,343 --> 00:03:02,607
- yes, I got myself
A number three
81
00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:04,266
On the perfect husband list.
82
00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:06,288
- I thought number three
Was a plastic surgeon
83
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,597
Who looks just like
George clooney.
84
00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,787
- no, no, no, no, no.
It goes island owner,
85
00:03:09,853 --> 00:03:11,554
Plastic surgeon who looks
Like george clooney,
86
00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,042
Importer of designer shoes,
87
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:15,191
Plastic surgeon who doesn't
Look like george clooney,
88
00:03:15,214 --> 00:03:17,255
And any childless
Billionaire who...
89
00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:19,362
All: just needs a companion
90
00:03:19,428 --> 00:03:21,436
For the last two weeks
Of his life.
91
00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:24,799
- ooh!
That must be elka.
92
00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:27,596
She's skyping in
From europe.
93
00:03:27,661 --> 00:03:30,692
- bon jour!
All: bon jour.
94
00:03:30,757 --> 00:03:34,011
- you know, the food
Here in paris is delicious.
95
00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:37,649
Victoria, you would love this
Chocolate croissant.
96
00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:39,436
Here, have a lick.
97
00:03:57,822 --> 00:04:00,948
- oh! I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong office.
98
00:04:01,013 --> 00:04:03,852
- or the right one.
99
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:05,543
- what's your handicap?
100
00:04:05,609 --> 00:04:08,128
- beautiful brunettes
With killer smiles.
101
00:04:08,193 --> 00:04:11,734
- wait!
You're colin cooper.
102
00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,905
- yes, I get that quite a lot,
103
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:16,491
Being colin cooper and all.
104
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,820
- your the most trusted face
In cleveland broadcasting.
105
00:04:18,885 --> 00:04:21,788
- it's the rest of me you
Gotta worry about.
106
00:04:21,855 --> 00:04:26,000
- I'm joy.
Joy scroggs.
107
00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:28,713
Big fan.
108
00:04:28,779 --> 00:04:30,310
- well, thank you.
109
00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:32,543
- mind if I perch?
110
00:04:32,609 --> 00:04:34,906
- a lovely bird should perch.
111
00:04:34,971 --> 00:04:37,075
- it's such a pleasure
To hear someone speak
112
00:04:37,141 --> 00:04:40,841
Without an accent.
113
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,512
- well, then I know just where
To take you for lunch.
114
00:04:42,535 --> 00:04:44,076
There's a brand-new pub
Down on prospect.
115
00:04:44,099 --> 00:04:45,214
Feels just like home.
116
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,756
Pints of lager,
Steak and kidney pie,
117
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,747
Plates of mushy peas.
118
00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:51,725
- mmm! Mushy peas.
119
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,523
- let me just run down
To the set and grab my jacket
120
00:04:53,546 --> 00:04:55,054
And we'll head off, eh?
- lovely.
121
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:57,980
- good.
122
00:04:58,046 --> 00:04:59,480
- sss!
123
00:04:59,545 --> 00:05:01,970
- joy?
Where did he go?
124
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,640
- oh, relax.
He just went to get his jacket.
125
00:05:03,663 --> 00:05:05,767
It is going splendidly.
- heh!
126
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:06,959
- there's something freeing
About hitting on a man
127
00:05:06,982 --> 00:05:08,746
I know I'm gonna
Break up with.
128
00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:10,437
You know me, if I were
Really into this guy,
129
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:12,193
I'd be nervous,
Self-conscious, obsessive.
130
00:05:12,216 --> 00:05:15,853
- clingy, unbalanced,
Insecure.
131
00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:18,341
What?
You started it.
132
00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:20,257
- I like being "Cool joy."
133
00:05:20,322 --> 00:05:21,990
I mean, there could be
A naked woman
134
00:05:22,013 --> 00:05:23,172
Hiding in that closet
Right now
135
00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:25,332
And I could not care less.
- oh, come on!
136
00:05:25,397 --> 00:05:27,757
Now what woman in this day
And age would hide in a closet?
137
00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,850
- I've got a lunch.
I'll be back in an hour.
138
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:36,566
- yes, I am aware
Of the irony.
139
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,959
- shall we?
- let's.
140
00:05:39,025 --> 00:05:42,118
Me first.
141
00:05:45,504 --> 00:05:48,725
- you know, gucci is about
To unveil a new shoe.
142
00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:52,171
A six-inch heel that also
Tones your thighs.
143
00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:58,236
Say that again...
Only slower.
144
00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:00,061
- I can get you a sample.
- oh!
145
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,650
I'm a 6-1/2!
146
00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:05,129
Oh. Perfect sample size.
147
00:06:05,195 --> 00:06:06,576
You about ready to
Order dessert?
148
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:09,661
- oh, uh, let's see...
- excuse me.
149
00:06:09,726 --> 00:06:15,055
- I had bread, two glasses
Of wine and pasta.
150
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,289
So I need to find
Something chocolaty
151
00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:19,055
That's negative
300 calories.
152
00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:20,235
Is everything
Okay down there?
153
00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:23,161
- oh, all good.
- oh.
154
00:06:23,227 --> 00:06:24,608
- ah, I'm really glad
You decided to
155
00:06:24,632 --> 00:06:26,044
Go out with me again,
Melanie.
156
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:28,076
You really are
The perfect package.
157
00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:29,364
From the top
Of your pretty head
158
00:06:29,387 --> 00:06:30,980
All the way down to your...
159
00:06:31,046 --> 00:06:33,183
Super sexy toe cleavage.
160
00:06:41,227 --> 00:06:44,448
- I think dead wife guy
Might be into feet.
161
00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:49,492
Well, not all feet.
My feet.
162
00:06:49,557 --> 00:06:50,927
He likes my feet.
163
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,065
- oh, so he's a shrimper.
164
00:06:53,993 --> 00:06:55,492
- a what?
165
00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:57,321
- a shrimper.
A guy who likes feet.
166
00:06:57,344 --> 00:06:59,173
- well, actually
Toes to be exact.
167
00:06:59,196 --> 00:07:02,066
- because toes look just like
Baby shrimp, ergo shrimper.
168
00:07:02,132 --> 00:07:04,523
- hmm.
169
00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:06,416
- well, when you
Put it that way,
170
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,332
You know, it's... Kinda cute.
171
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,960
And maybe I'm wrong.
172
00:07:12,025 --> 00:07:14,959
I mean, all he did was notice
That I have attractive feet.
173
00:07:15,026 --> 00:07:16,534
- melanie,
Men don't notice feet
174
00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:17,672
Unless they're into feet.
175
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,736
- yeah, they barely
Notice faces.
176
00:07:24,345 --> 00:07:25,492
- what's so funny?
177
00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:26,672
- oh, it's from colin.
178
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,843
Private joke...
About the welsh.
179
00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:32,915
- you already have
Private jokes?
180
00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:34,779
Oh! That is so delicious.
181
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,673
He is never going
To see it coming.
182
00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:40,141
Ah! I am going to sleep
Like a baby tonight.
183
00:07:43,653 --> 00:07:46,460
- you really seem to be having
A good time with this guy.
184
00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:47,907
Are sure you're not
Falling for him?
185
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,790
- of course not.
I would never fall for him.
186
00:07:49,813 --> 00:07:51,023
That would ruin everything.
187
00:07:51,089 --> 00:07:52,523
- you're a good friend, joy.
188
00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:57,055
- I've fallen for him.
I've ruined everything!
189
00:08:00,888 --> 00:08:02,716
- how could you be crazy
About him already?
190
00:08:02,738 --> 00:08:04,780
It was just one lunch.
- a three-hour lunch
191
00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:06,608
Where we never stopped
Laughing or talking
192
00:08:06,632 --> 00:08:08,513
Or finishing each
Other's sentences.
193
00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:12,056
I mean, sure, he's pompous
And smarmy and arrogant.
194
00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:15,822
And in an uglier man,
That would be unattractive.
195
00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:17,927
But you know me.
196
00:08:17,993 --> 00:08:20,513
Good-looking bad boy.
That's my horse's head.
197
00:08:24,569 --> 00:08:26,609
- you booby-trapped
The doughnut box
198
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,407
To make me storm in here
Looking ridiculous.
199
00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:31,460
Well, it didn't work.
200
00:08:31,526 --> 00:08:32,832
- oh, come on, victoria,
201
00:08:32,899 --> 00:08:34,344
You can't possibly think
I meant that for you.
202
00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:36,131
You're the one whose always
Saying, "I never eat sweets.
203
00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:37,715
I've got willpower."
204
00:08:37,782 --> 00:08:40,492
- yeah, well I was having
A low blood sugar moment.
205
00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:42,258
- well, listen, if you're
Still a bit peckish,
206
00:08:42,281 --> 00:08:44,290
Have a 3 musketeers bar.
My treat.
207
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,269
- well, thank you.
- gotcha!
208
00:08:46,335 --> 00:08:49,620
- oh, you juvenile, pathetic...
- oh, get over it!
209
00:08:51,537 --> 00:08:53,959
Colin cooper.
Oh, hi, phil!
210
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,598
Yeah, I can't make
The poker game tonight.
211
00:08:55,621 --> 00:08:56,577
I've got a date.
212
00:08:56,611 --> 00:08:58,206
Well, that's just it, mate.
213
00:08:58,270 --> 00:08:59,620
I would rather spend
Poker night with joy
214
00:08:59,642 --> 00:09:00,642
'cause I could see this
Really turning into
215
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,290
Something serious.
216
00:09:02,355 --> 00:09:03,694
Oh, so I'm a woman
217
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,981
Because now I care
About someone.
218
00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:06,759
Well, you're the woman!
219
00:09:06,824 --> 00:09:08,397
No, just don't tell
The other guys.
220
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:11,130
Just say I'm sick
Or something.
221
00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:17,833
- are you okay?
You seem a little nervous.
222
00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,823
- no, it's just, I...
I got you something,
223
00:09:19,845 --> 00:09:23,802
And I just hope
It's not too soon.
224
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:26,992
- oh, bill.
It's a ring box.
225
00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:29,354
- it most certainly is.
226
00:09:31,239 --> 00:09:33,121
It's a toe ring.
227
00:09:36,154 --> 00:09:38,641
- it most certainly is.
228
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,737
- may I?
229
00:09:50,612 --> 00:09:51,727
- yes.
230
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,663
Patrons: ew! Ugh!
231
00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:09,471
- break out the cocktail sauce,
I'm dating a shrimper.
232
00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:11,258
- really?
233
00:10:11,324 --> 00:10:13,620
You gonna keep him
Or throw him back?
234
00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:15,823
- keep him, I think.
235
00:10:15,889 --> 00:10:17,333
I mean, that's why I moved
To cleveland.
236
00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:18,855
To try new things, right?
237
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,790
I mean, how bad could it be
To have a guy worship your feet?
238
00:10:21,857 --> 00:10:23,386
- wouldn't know.
239
00:10:23,451 --> 00:10:27,184
Never had a man travel
That far south.
240
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,642
Most just make a quick stop
At the equator,
241
00:10:29,708 --> 00:10:32,514
Empty my fridge,
And peel out of the driveway.
242
00:10:36,473 --> 00:10:40,045
- ladies,
I have fabulous news!
243
00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:42,184
- you started playing
Paintball?
244
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,738
- oh, no, no, it's just
Another one of colin's pranks.
245
00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:47,610
Which makes my fabulous news
Even more enjoyable.
246
00:10:47,675 --> 00:10:49,780
I overheard
Colin on the phone.
247
00:10:49,846 --> 00:10:52,716
Joy, he is genuinely
Crazy about you.
248
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,695
- really?
Are you sure?
249
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:56,430
- not only are you going
To destroy his ego,
250
00:10:56,452 --> 00:10:57,994
But you are going
To break the heart
251
00:10:58,017 --> 00:11:01,301
Of a man who truly thinks
You have a future together.
252
00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:04,919
- you know,
To prolong his agony,
253
00:11:04,942 --> 00:11:07,525
Maybe you should let joy
String him along for a while.
254
00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,929
- yes!
255
00:11:08,995 --> 00:11:12,695
Like after christmas
In london with my family.
256
00:11:12,762 --> 00:11:15,407
That'll really get him.
- no, no!
257
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,898
What are you talking about?
Now, I had this all planned.
258
00:11:17,963 --> 00:11:20,356
You know, you were gonna
Dump him on the porch tonight.
259
00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,258
Then, while he's
Reeling in shock,
260
00:11:22,303 --> 00:11:24,568
You'll ring the wind chimes,
And that'll be my signal
261
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:27,950
To come out and gloat.
262
00:11:28,017 --> 00:11:29,557
- oh, so now you like
The wind chimes.
263
00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:30,866
When I bought them
At the renaissance fair,
264
00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:32,164
You said they were stupid.
265
00:11:32,229 --> 00:11:33,599
- yeah, well they are stupid,
266
00:11:33,666 --> 00:11:36,823
And so is
The renaissance fair.
267
00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,303
- oh, yeah?
Well that's just because
268
00:11:38,325 --> 00:11:42,376
You weren't selected
To be wench of the joust.
269
00:11:42,442 --> 00:11:44,962
- mmmaybe.
270
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:46,940
Anyway, the important thing is
271
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,025
Colin will never be able
To look at joy again
272
00:11:49,048 --> 00:11:50,781
Without disgust
And heartbreak.
273
00:11:50,804 --> 00:11:53,067
Oh!
It's just so beautiful.
274
00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:02,547
- colin, stop!
I don't think we should...
275
00:12:02,612 --> 00:12:04,430
- should what?
276
00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:06,823
- stop kissing.
277
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,218
That wind chime noise
278
00:12:10,241 --> 00:12:12,504
Was caused by the wind!
279
00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:15,695
- isn't that usually
The case with wind chimes?
280
00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:18,962
- oh, no, a second chime!
You've got to go now!
281
00:12:18,985 --> 00:12:20,653
- you gonna turn into
A pumpkin or something?
282
00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:22,057
- I'll explain
Everything tomorrow.
283
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,451
Just go!
284
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:25,367
Text me!
285
00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:28,207
- oh, get over it...
Wait, where did he go?
286
00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:29,579
I heard wind chimes.
287
00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:32,578
- I didn't break up
With him.
288
00:12:32,644 --> 00:12:33,994
There's just this thing
Between us.
289
00:12:34,016 --> 00:12:35,260
I can't explain it.
290
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,707
You know the thing
You can't explain.
291
00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:38,431
- you know the thing.
- yeah, we all know the thing.
292
00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:41,642
We've all done stupid things
For the thing.
293
00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:43,812
And if you think
That this thing is
294
00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:45,984
Going to turn into
A bigger thing, then...
295
00:12:46,049 --> 00:12:48,217
Well, I won't stand
In your way.
296
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,312
I'll just have to get back
At colin some other way.
297
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,260
- thank you, victoria.
298
00:12:53,326 --> 00:12:54,887
- all right.
299
00:12:58,304 --> 00:12:59,707
- it's from colin.
300
00:12:59,772 --> 00:13:01,175
"Lunch tomorrow, baby?"
301
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:03,005
That's what he calls me.
"Baby."
302
00:13:03,028 --> 00:13:05,420
- ah.
- hmm!
303
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,802
Oh, god,
What term of endearment
304
00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:08,962
Should I write back?
Honey?
305
00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:10,537
Sounds like
We're old marrieds.
306
00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,536
Ducky?
Who am I, benny hill?
307
00:13:12,602 --> 00:13:14,079
Oh, god!
It's happening!
308
00:13:14,102 --> 00:13:17,037
I was "Cool joy" when I knew
It was going to end,
309
00:13:17,102 --> 00:13:19,091
But now that I care,
I'm nervous and insecure.
310
00:13:19,113 --> 00:13:22,047
- no, no, fight it.
You can be cool joy again.
311
00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:24,164
Just like I'm "Cool melanie"
Dating a shrimper.
312
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:26,293
Me!
313
00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:27,665
- that's right, joy.
314
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:29,303
I mean, if someone
As uptight as melanie
315
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:30,313
Can date a pervert,
316
00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:33,185
Then surely
There's hope for you.
317
00:13:33,251 --> 00:13:34,846
- you are crazy.
318
00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,515
You're much prettier
Than keira knightly.
319
00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,877
- oh, please.
320
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,760
Tell me more.
321
00:13:39,826 --> 00:13:41,706
And support your argument.
322
00:13:41,773 --> 00:13:42,792
- you seen her feet?
323
00:13:42,857 --> 00:13:44,101
She's a two-socker.
324
00:13:45,986 --> 00:13:47,622
You know, bill,
I'm getting a sense
325
00:13:47,644 --> 00:13:49,505
Of what you're into,
And if I'm right,
326
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:53,420
I am willing to...
Dip my toe in the water.
327
00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:55,207
- really?
328
00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:57,633
- it's all new to me,
But I'm cool.
329
00:13:57,698 --> 00:13:59,527
I'm cool melanie,
Trying new things.
330
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:00,984
- well, fantastic!
331
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,505
Well, then would you be up
For a little role playing?
332
00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:05,100
- role playing?
333
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,345
- yeah, just...
334
00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:08,111
Hang your feet off
The edge of the chair there.
335
00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:10,399
Like they're sticking out
Of the window of a parked car,
336
00:14:10,464 --> 00:14:14,229
And I'll be the officer
Passing by.
337
00:14:17,454 --> 00:14:18,506
'scuse me, ma'am.
338
00:14:18,571 --> 00:14:21,379
I couldn't help
Noticin' your feet.
339
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:24,154
- oh, sorry.
340
00:14:24,219 --> 00:14:25,845
I was just...
341
00:14:25,911 --> 00:14:28,942
Airing them out.
342
00:14:29,007 --> 00:14:32,164
- well, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to arrest you
343
00:14:32,231 --> 00:14:33,761
For a dui.
344
00:14:33,826 --> 00:14:38,452
Deliciously unforgettable
Instep.
345
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:40,143
- oh, officer,
346
00:14:40,209 --> 00:14:42,345
Couldn't you just let me off
With a warning?
347
00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:44,804
- well,
There's also the issue
348
00:14:44,869 --> 00:14:47,611
Of indecent exposure.
349
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,814
But I could give you
Something to slip on.
350
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,080
- shoe sample?
351
00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:59,708
- this one's for you...
352
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:03,825
Cause you're a good girl.
353
00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:07,622
And this one's for you...
354
00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:09,761
Cause you're a bad girl.
355
00:15:11,104 --> 00:15:12,952
- you know what?
356
00:15:15,763 --> 00:15:17,612
- hi! Ready for lunch.
357
00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:20,549
- oy, you look ravishing.
- thank you.
358
00:15:20,614 --> 00:15:21,995
- hey, does this
Sound scary enough
359
00:15:22,018 --> 00:15:23,325
For the 11:00 news program?
360
00:15:23,391 --> 00:15:25,219
"There's a flesh-eating virus
That may be lurking
361
00:15:25,242 --> 00:15:27,504
In something you and your
Children eat every day."
362
00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:29,261
- oh, my god, is there?
363
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:30,963
- no, that's why I legally
Have to say "May be."
364
00:15:30,986 --> 00:15:32,995
- oh, excuse me,
Mr. Cooper?
365
00:15:33,061 --> 00:15:34,378
They need you
In editing for a second,
366
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,368
And this came for you.
367
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,016
- thanks, devon.
368
00:15:37,082 --> 00:15:38,516
- devon.
369
00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:40,156
It's a pretty name.
Pretty girl.
370
00:15:40,179 --> 00:15:42,314
- yeah, I suppose so.
371
00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:43,985
- who's the gift from?
- probably just a fan.
372
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,452
- hmm. A fan named
"Love ya, jennifer."
373
00:15:47,518 --> 00:15:48,888
Who's "Love ya, jennifer"?
374
00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:50,102
- I haven't a clue.
375
00:15:50,167 --> 00:15:52,145
I'll make this as quick
As I can, baby.
376
00:15:55,561 --> 00:15:57,825
- cool joy.
377
00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,580
Cool joy.
378
00:15:59,646 --> 00:16:02,294
Cool joy.
379
00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:03,729
Oh, screw it!
380
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:05,249
Aah!
- gotcha!
381
00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:10,655
- victoria, you did this?
382
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,037
- joy, that was meant
For colin.
383
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,421
Why did you open it?
- it was taunting me.
384
00:16:14,487 --> 00:16:16,187
I could hear it saying,
"I'm from jennifer!
385
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,027
"I'm 22!
I have big breasts.
386
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,209
Colin and I laugh about you
When we're having great sex!"
387
00:16:20,231 --> 00:16:21,475
- all right, now I'm confused.
388
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,676
Are you the box
Or are you jennifer?
389
00:16:23,742 --> 00:16:25,603
- he's coming back!
Hide in your closet.
390
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,984
- it is not my closet!
- just hide!
391
00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:35,102
So, you ready to go?
392
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,305
- what happened to you?
393
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,219
- I opened the box.
394
00:16:39,285 --> 00:16:41,804
- victoria.
I'm sorry.
395
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,613
That must have been
A practical joke meant for me.
396
00:16:44,678 --> 00:16:47,644
But, darling,
Why did you open it?
397
00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:51,729
- because I get crazy jealous
When I care about a man.
398
00:16:51,796 --> 00:16:53,805
Also crazy paranoid.
399
00:16:53,870 --> 00:16:56,517
Oh, and crazy insecure.
400
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:58,634
But for what it's worth,
I've been trying to fight it.
401
00:16:58,657 --> 00:16:59,708
But it's hard.
402
00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:01,092
I just want
To be honest with you.
403
00:17:01,114 --> 00:17:02,336
- then I'll be honest
With you.
404
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,847
I've been fighting
My true nature as well.
405
00:17:04,912 --> 00:17:06,857
I've been faithful to you
Since we met.
406
00:17:06,923 --> 00:17:09,985
And it's killing me.
407
00:17:10,051 --> 00:17:11,677
- we met eight days ago.
408
00:17:11,743 --> 00:17:14,039
- I know.
It's a personal best.
409
00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,656
- so our fake selves
Are compatible,
410
00:17:16,721 --> 00:17:18,890
But our real selves
Wouldn't stand a chance.
411
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:22,050
Insane jealousy does not pair
Well with serial womanizer.
412
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,379
- not in my experience, no.
413
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,006
- on the other hand,
414
00:17:26,072 --> 00:17:29,261
My real safe
And my fake self
415
00:17:29,328 --> 00:17:31,124
Are incredibly attracted
To you.
416
00:17:31,146 --> 00:17:32,656
- please tell me
At least one of them
417
00:17:32,679 --> 00:17:34,783
Is about to get naked.
418
00:17:34,849 --> 00:17:37,879
- well, it has been
Eight days.
419
00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:40,018
Wait!
What about my green face?
420
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,199
- what green face?
421
00:17:41,264 --> 00:17:43,240
- men really don't notice
Faces, do they?
422
00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:44,549
- I should warn you.
423
00:17:44,616 --> 00:17:46,635
I normally break up with a woman
Once I sleep with her.
424
00:17:46,658 --> 00:17:47,901
- and I should warn you.
425
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,763
Something will be missing
From your office tomorrow,
426
00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:50,816
Or broken off your car.
427
00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,848
- fine!
- fine!
428
00:18:01,338 --> 00:18:03,029
- victoria?
What the...
429
00:18:03,094 --> 00:18:05,549
- oh, get over it!
430
00:18:10,912 --> 00:18:12,667
- coming up next...
431
00:18:12,732 --> 00:18:14,210
Is there something
In your house
432
00:18:14,232 --> 00:18:16,178
That's causing you
And your children
433
00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:18,028
To go bald?
434
00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:19,719
The answer may surprise you.
435
00:18:19,786 --> 00:18:21,539
Isn't that right, colin?
436
00:18:21,605 --> 00:18:23,485
- sure surprised me.
437
00:18:27,254 --> 00:18:28,880
- oh! How did you...
438
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,093
- I switched out his shampoo
439
00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:32,262
For something
A little more potent.
440
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,923
I did it for me and victoria
441
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,795
And all the other women
He's dumped.
442
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,199
Although I must say,
443
00:18:38,265 --> 00:18:41,166
He looks rather good bald,
Doesn't he?
444
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,593
A lot of women find
That look attractive.
445
00:18:43,658 --> 00:18:45,539
Me, for instance.
446
00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:47,656
Oh, great, now he's going to
Have even more women,
447
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,476
And there's no chance we'll
Ever get back together again.
448
00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:51,156
I know!
449
00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:53,166
I'll pin this on victoria.
450
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,752
That way he'll need me
To get back at her.
451
00:18:55,817 --> 00:18:57,486
I'll make it up
To victoria somehow.
452
00:18:57,509 --> 00:18:59,263
It'll all be fine
In the end.
453
00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:00,285
- good night, joy.
454
00:19:00,318 --> 00:19:01,986
- oh, good night,
Melanie.
455
00:19:02,009 --> 00:19:04,082
Melanie...
456
00:19:04,148 --> 00:19:07,082
The only problem
With this plan is melanie.
457
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,028
She knows too much.
33019
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