All language subtitles for Hot in Cleveland (2010) - S02E11 - Wheres Elka (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence).eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,670 --> 00:00:03,372 last season on Hot in cleveland... 2 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,649 - let's just be positive. 3 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,829 - how? 4 00:00:05,852 --> 00:00:09,021 They caught me red-handed With stolen mafia loot. 5 00:00:09,044 --> 00:00:10,745 - you're seriously going To go into a broom closet 6 00:00:10,768 --> 00:00:11,831 With a juror? 7 00:00:11,854 --> 00:00:13,204 Isn't that jury tampering? 8 00:00:13,227 --> 00:00:15,885 - it is if you're Doing it right. 9 00:00:15,908 --> 00:00:17,546 - we the jury Find the defendant, 10 00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:18,600 Elka ostrovsky... 11 00:00:18,622 --> 00:00:20,611 - watch me act surprised. 12 00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:21,822 - guilty. 13 00:00:21,845 --> 00:00:22,780 - elka's gone. 14 00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:24,154 - where did she go? 15 00:00:24,176 --> 00:00:25,623 - I don't know, but she's gone And she left a note. 16 00:00:25,646 --> 00:00:26,866 - where we're going, 17 00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:29,166 I'm completely cut off From the outside world? 18 00:00:29,189 --> 00:00:30,123 - indeed. 19 00:00:30,147 --> 00:00:31,996 - works for me. 20 00:00:35,319 --> 00:00:36,795 - okay, I have Elka's computer. 21 00:00:36,818 --> 00:00:38,009 Should give us a clue To where she is. 22 00:00:38,031 --> 00:00:39,094 - give it to me. 23 00:00:39,117 --> 00:00:40,691 - where should we look first? 24 00:00:40,714 --> 00:00:42,190 - she if she's Looked up any maps 25 00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:43,691 Or made hotel reservations 26 00:00:43,715 --> 00:00:45,320 Or maybe printed out Any airline tickets. 27 00:00:45,343 --> 00:00:48,034 - oh, my god. - oh, no. What is it? 28 00:00:48,056 --> 00:00:49,310 - listen to this. 29 00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:53,301 "Victoria chase is The thinking man's sex symbol." 30 00:00:53,325 --> 00:00:54,897 Well, that's just great. 31 00:00:54,919 --> 00:00:58,951 I'm sexy if you really Put your mind to it. 32 00:00:58,974 --> 00:01:01,186 - you googled yourself? 33 00:01:01,209 --> 00:01:02,272 - it's my morning ritual. 34 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:03,613 You know, If I can relax 35 00:01:03,635 --> 00:01:05,337 About how I'm currently Being perceived by the public, 36 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,263 Then I am much better able To focus on... 37 00:01:10,213 --> 00:01:11,657 - finding elka? 38 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,381 - yes, that, yes. 39 00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:15,489 - I don't believe it. - oh, what? 40 00:01:15,512 --> 00:01:17,628 - there's still no explanation From the governor's office 41 00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:20,181 On the issue Of the "Mystery hooker." 42 00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:21,777 - you googled yourself too? 43 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,587 - well, she did it first. 44 00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:26,024 And there's all These snarky comments 45 00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:27,365 About my giant hands. 46 00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,641 Stupid picture! 47 00:01:28,664 --> 00:01:30,387 My hands are not huge. 48 00:01:33,836 --> 00:01:35,409 Stop doing that. 49 00:01:35,432 --> 00:01:36,718 - okay, fine. 50 00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,155 We have bigger problems Than joy's hands, 51 00:01:38,178 --> 00:01:39,783 Although that hardly Seems possible. 52 00:01:40,891 --> 00:01:42,337 - I'm sorry. 53 00:01:42,359 --> 00:01:43,485 I'm sorry. 54 00:01:43,508 --> 00:01:45,082 We have one day to find her 55 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,742 And bring her back In time for her sentencing. 56 00:01:46,765 --> 00:01:47,796 - you're right. 57 00:01:47,819 --> 00:01:49,136 If the cops pick her up As a fugitive, 58 00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:50,509 They'll go much harder On her. 59 00:01:50,532 --> 00:01:52,362 - all right, why don't you Check her recent searches? 60 00:01:52,384 --> 00:01:53,638 - yeah, good idea. 61 00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:56,031 Okay, uh, mountie. 62 00:01:56,055 --> 00:01:57,585 Mountie shirtless. 63 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:02,736 Mountie shirtless Playing volleyball. 64 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,578 - well, we're learning How her mind works. 65 00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:08,164 - how to bedazzle A maple leaf. 66 00:02:08,188 --> 00:02:10,963 - ladies, I think We're going to canada. 67 00:02:14,444 --> 00:02:16,177 What are you doing now? 68 00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,343 - oh, I'm googling what They think of me in canada. 69 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,061 Ah, oh. 70 00:02:21,084 --> 00:02:22,403 Eternally youthful. 71 00:02:22,425 --> 00:02:27,159 Oh, we are so Going to canada. 72 00:02:30,056 --> 00:02:34,821 ♪ ♪ 73 00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:36,416 - well, folks, We're talking about 74 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:37,598 What everyone's talking about, 75 00:02:37,621 --> 00:02:39,258 The governor's mystery hooker. 76 00:02:39,281 --> 00:02:41,429 And this just in, breaking news From an anonymous source, 77 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,249 That she... If it is a she... 78 00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:47,654 Is a foreigner facing Deportation by the I.N.S. 79 00:02:47,677 --> 00:02:49,283 - what? 80 00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:50,655 How would they Even know that? 81 00:02:50,678 --> 00:02:54,773 - they certainly didn't Hear it from me. 82 00:02:54,796 --> 00:02:56,816 - well, the media Has its ways. 83 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,849 You really have To suspect everyone. 84 00:02:59,872 --> 00:03:01,286 - you're my friend. 85 00:03:01,309 --> 00:03:02,499 - yes, and as your friend, 86 00:03:02,522 --> 00:03:04,703 I am horrified By my actions. 87 00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,649 But as a newswoman, 88 00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:08,309 I have to keep This story juicy 89 00:03:08,332 --> 00:03:09,969 So that when I break The exclusive, 90 00:03:09,992 --> 00:03:12,205 It'll be a huge Career advancer. 91 00:03:12,227 --> 00:03:13,258 - pull over. 92 00:03:13,281 --> 00:03:14,918 - don't hit me, Not with those hands. 93 00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:16,865 - I'm not gonna hit you. Look. 94 00:03:16,888 --> 00:03:18,429 Isn't that elka's car Over there 95 00:03:18,452 --> 00:03:21,388 Next to those... Horse and buggies? 96 00:03:28,796 --> 00:03:31,731 - what is this, An old-timey gay bar? 97 00:03:33,617 --> 00:03:36,179 - wow, what's with The costumes? 98 00:03:36,202 --> 00:03:38,340 - and the chin slinkies? 99 00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:41,979 - we're from america. 100 00:03:43,609 --> 00:03:44,799 - lower thy voice, woman. 101 00:03:44,822 --> 00:03:46,267 We are neither foreign Nor deaf. 102 00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,481 We are amish. 103 00:03:47,504 --> 00:03:49,525 - oh, we're in ohio's Amish country. 104 00:03:49,548 --> 00:03:50,960 Yes, I've read about this. 105 00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:53,707 Did you know that ohio Has more amish 106 00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,110 Than pennsylvania? 107 00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:57,855 The men with the facial hair, They're married, right? 108 00:03:57,878 --> 00:04:01,209 - the beards are designed to Tell single women to stay away. 109 00:04:01,231 --> 00:04:04,689 - they're working. 110 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,658 - are thee what the outsiders 111 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,540 Might call supermodels? 112 00:04:09,564 --> 00:04:11,572 Joy and victoria: yes. Melanie: no. 113 00:04:13,810 --> 00:04:16,372 - actually, we're just Regular models. 114 00:04:16,395 --> 00:04:18,894 - look, we're looking For our friend elka. 115 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:20,139 We saw her car Parked out front. 116 00:04:20,163 --> 00:04:21,289 Do you know where she is? 117 00:04:21,312 --> 00:04:23,586 - no, but I've just Begun my shift. 118 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:26,364 Thee should get word to yoder. He knows all. 119 00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:27,705 - okay, great. 120 00:04:27,728 --> 00:04:28,951 Well, do you have his number? 121 00:04:28,974 --> 00:04:30,291 'cause we really Need to find her. 122 00:04:30,314 --> 00:04:33,005 - sorry, no telephones In amish country. 123 00:04:33,028 --> 00:04:35,303 - but he shall be here anon. 124 00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:37,538 - oh, I guess we can wait For him here, right? 125 00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:38,751 - okay. - suppose so. 126 00:04:38,774 --> 00:04:41,210 - might I get thee something For thy thirst? 127 00:04:41,233 --> 00:04:42,645 We provide three choices: 128 00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:45,040 The sexy mule, The married beard, 129 00:04:45,064 --> 00:04:47,116 Or hot cider. 130 00:04:47,139 --> 00:04:48,776 - hot cider sounds okay. 131 00:04:48,799 --> 00:04:50,483 - yes. - we'll take three. 132 00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:53,724 - oh, my. 133 00:04:53,747 --> 00:04:55,032 Wow. 134 00:04:55,055 --> 00:04:58,353 And I thought we got a lot Of male attention in cleveland. 135 00:04:58,376 --> 00:05:00,460 - to them, I'm a sex symbol, period. 136 00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:04,930 The thinking begins and ends With, "I wanna do her." 137 00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:07,068 - no charge. 138 00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:09,016 They will be fighting To pay for it. 139 00:05:09,038 --> 00:05:10,676 There's not a man In this bar 140 00:05:10,698 --> 00:05:12,963 Who would not give thee His milkiest goat. 141 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,551 - I'm trying to decide Whether I want that 142 00:05:19,573 --> 00:05:22,265 To be a euphemism. 143 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,149 - I warn thee, 144 00:05:24,172 --> 00:05:26,574 Tis not commonly A drink for ladies. 145 00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:28,170 - thank you, My good fellow, 146 00:05:28,193 --> 00:05:31,064 But I think we can hold Our apple cider. 147 00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:46,017 - evening, everybody. 148 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,283 All: yoder! 149 00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:52,720 - what would you say To a sexy mule? 150 00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:55,019 - not tonight, dear. I've got a headache. 151 00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:56,712 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 152 00:05:56,735 --> 00:05:59,989 I'll take two, please, To go. 153 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,488 Ah. 154 00:06:02,512 --> 00:06:04,202 And here they go. 155 00:06:10,684 --> 00:06:11,619 Night, abner. 156 00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:12,865 - night, yoder. 157 00:06:12,888 --> 00:06:16,142 - yoder? 158 00:06:18,603 --> 00:06:20,367 Wait. 159 00:06:20,390 --> 00:06:23,548 You're the yoder That we need to talk to. 160 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,784 Don't just stand there, joy, Come on. 161 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,713 What the... 162 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,151 Where am I? 163 00:06:44,174 --> 00:06:46,992 - hey, people are trying To sleep here. 164 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:50,248 - elka? 165 00:06:50,271 --> 00:06:52,727 - good morrow to thee, Stranger. 166 00:06:57,198 --> 00:06:58,581 - how did you know I was here? 167 00:06:58,604 --> 00:07:00,400 - we saw your car Parked outside the bar. 168 00:07:00,423 --> 00:07:02,443 We thought you were Going to canada. 169 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,838 - I was, But my car broke down 170 00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:06,945 And I decided To hide out here. 171 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,860 - but your sentencing Is tomorrow. 172 00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:11,127 - I'm not going back To the slammer. 173 00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:12,085 I'm outta here. 174 00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,234 - wait, wait, wait. 175 00:07:13,257 --> 00:07:16,650 You can't leave me here With these people. 176 00:07:16,672 --> 00:07:18,757 - do I dream? 177 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:21,426 Thou has the face Of a goddess. 178 00:07:22,802 --> 00:07:25,227 - well, I suppose I could Stay for a little while. 179 00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:45,062 Look at your hair. 180 00:07:45,085 --> 00:07:46,723 - my hair? 181 00:07:46,746 --> 00:07:49,661 Look at your face. 182 00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:52,724 - oh, my god! 183 00:07:52,747 --> 00:07:54,703 How did I get this beard? 184 00:07:54,726 --> 00:07:56,587 Why am I wearing These clothes? 185 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,215 - together Thee and thy friends 186 00:07:58,239 --> 00:08:00,598 performed the movie Witness for us. 187 00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:03,929 - where's victoria? 188 00:08:03,952 --> 00:08:05,462 - the one who speaks Without cease 189 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:08,015 About something Called an emmy? 190 00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:10,027 - yep, that'd be her All right. 191 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,209 - she left with yoder. 192 00:08:11,232 --> 00:08:13,890 I will give thee directions To his farm. 193 00:08:13,913 --> 00:08:17,519 - joy, the beard Won't come off. 194 00:08:20,809 --> 00:08:23,053 - well, look on The bright side. 195 00:08:23,076 --> 00:08:25,085 At least it means You're married. 196 00:08:35,494 --> 00:08:38,185 - don't worry, yoder will Get word to thy friends. 197 00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:39,909 - oh, I'm sure he will. 198 00:08:39,932 --> 00:08:42,718 And to be honest, I'm kind Of enjoying myself here. 199 00:08:42,741 --> 00:08:45,963 Your whole "No mirror" thing Really frees up the day. 200 00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,062 I'm not sure That I can do this. 201 00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:52,328 I've never actually Sewn on a button before. 202 00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,775 - that's amish sign language. 203 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,075 They are too shy to speak In thy presence. 204 00:09:01,098 --> 00:09:02,926 - really? What are they saying? 205 00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:05,640 - they say thou art So beautiful to look at 206 00:09:05,662 --> 00:09:07,076 And say such Amusing things. 207 00:09:07,099 --> 00:09:09,088 - oh, well, 208 00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:12,173 Thouest are welcome... Est. 209 00:09:13,580 --> 00:09:15,057 - here, let me show thee. 210 00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:16,972 - what? 211 00:09:16,996 --> 00:09:18,569 - thy hands are as soft 212 00:09:18,593 --> 00:09:20,889 As a sheep's udder. 213 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,423 And thy lashes As long as a cow's. 214 00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:30,701 - I think I'm getting Why there are 215 00:09:30,724 --> 00:09:32,488 No great amish poets. 216 00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:35,010 It's just mascara. You can buy it anywhere. 217 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,756 It's called "Lots of lashes." 218 00:09:37,779 --> 00:09:39,798 - lots of lashes? - yes. 219 00:09:39,822 --> 00:09:42,023 - that's our punishment For wearing mascara. 220 00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:48,100 Except when we're On rumspringa. 221 00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:49,217 - rumspringa? 222 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,068 - it means "Running around." 223 00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:52,760 When we are teenagers, 224 00:09:52,783 --> 00:09:55,824 We go out and experience Some of the outside world. 225 00:09:55,848 --> 00:09:58,155 That way when we return To our amish ways, 226 00:09:58,178 --> 00:09:59,687 There is surety in knowing 227 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:01,859 This is what one's heart Truly desires. 228 00:10:01,882 --> 00:10:05,454 - well, that's a very Enlightened idea. 229 00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,435 - they like thee. 230 00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:09,585 - really? 231 00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,043 And you truly don't know Who I am? 232 00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:13,479 you've never seen Edge of tomorrow 233 00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:15,267 Or any of my Lifetime original movies? 234 00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,650 It's basic cable. 235 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:23,015 - what part of "No tv" Dost thou not understand? 236 00:10:27,772 --> 00:10:30,176 - I'm just surprised. 237 00:10:30,198 --> 00:10:33,528 So you like me just for me? 238 00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,762 - you have a beautiful soul. 239 00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:38,700 We are blessed with the ability To see such things. 240 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,998 - I am so touched. 241 00:10:41,021 --> 00:10:43,679 Wow, look at me, Living among the amish. 242 00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:47,064 It seems like something Madonna would do. 243 00:10:47,086 --> 00:10:48,596 - who? 244 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,224 - you don't even know Who madonna is? 245 00:10:50,247 --> 00:10:53,055 - no, but she sounds Suspiciously catholic. 246 00:10:58,131 --> 00:10:59,610 - this is ridiculous. 247 00:10:59,633 --> 00:11:00,887 We've been driving Around for hours, 248 00:11:00,909 --> 00:11:02,287 And now we're in A buggy traffic jam. 249 00:11:03,144 --> 00:11:06,346 Move your ass! 250 00:11:06,369 --> 00:11:08,421 - joy! 251 00:11:08,444 --> 00:11:09,666 - well, I could say "Move your donkey," 252 00:11:09,689 --> 00:11:12,379 But it's not as satisfying. 253 00:11:12,402 --> 00:11:13,785 Still no reception? 254 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,083 - nope, no telephone reception In amish country. 255 00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:18,669 - but I have to get in contact With the governor's office. 256 00:11:18,692 --> 00:11:20,106 - would you relax? 257 00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:21,798 On the radio they said they Still don't know who you are. 258 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:23,107 And thanks to your hands, 259 00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,158 Most people don't even Think you're a woman. 260 00:11:27,025 --> 00:11:29,140 - at the moment, Are you really in a position 261 00:11:29,163 --> 00:11:31,375 To call someone else mannish? 262 00:11:31,398 --> 00:11:34,120 - oh, yeah. 263 00:11:34,143 --> 00:11:35,684 I don't have food in it, do I? 264 00:11:35,707 --> 00:11:37,582 I don't wanna be One of those guys. 265 00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:41,431 We're lost. 266 00:11:41,454 --> 00:11:45,805 Let's ask that old amish Woman for directions. 267 00:11:45,828 --> 00:11:47,721 Excuse me. 268 00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:49,156 Elka! 269 00:11:49,179 --> 00:11:50,433 - elka? 270 00:11:50,456 --> 00:11:52,476 - thee are mistaken, 271 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:53,711 Hookers. 272 00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:09,610 - well, this is better Than the shake weight. 273 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:13,834 Oh, it's this, uh... 274 00:12:13,857 --> 00:12:15,591 Well, I don't really Know what it is, 275 00:12:15,614 --> 00:12:17,091 But of course I ordered it. 276 00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:19,197 Always on the eternal quest 277 00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:21,879 To be thinner, Tighter, younger. 278 00:12:21,902 --> 00:12:23,986 You see, once you're A certain age, 279 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,933 Casting directors don't Give you audition scenes. 280 00:12:25,956 --> 00:12:29,541 They give you names Of plastic surgeons. 281 00:12:29,564 --> 00:12:31,903 - don't these Casting directors 282 00:12:31,926 --> 00:12:33,595 Recognize what god made? 283 00:12:33,618 --> 00:12:34,872 - trust me, in hollywood, 284 00:12:34,895 --> 00:12:37,203 God doesn't even Recognize what he made. 285 00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:39,661 Um, it's a little Chilly in here. 286 00:12:39,684 --> 00:12:41,641 Don't you ever think, You know, 287 00:12:41,663 --> 00:12:44,386 A little electricity Wouldn't kill us? 288 00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:47,260 - reliance on public power Ties us to the world. 289 00:12:47,283 --> 00:12:49,622 - yeah, but don't you ever Want something more? 290 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:50,931 - doesn't thee ever tire 291 00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:53,069 Of always wanting Something more? 292 00:12:53,092 --> 00:12:54,792 - yes. 293 00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:58,306 Yes, I do. 294 00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:01,242 Boy, living here Must be very freeing. 295 00:13:01,265 --> 00:13:02,551 - oh, indeed. 296 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,402 Thee would truly Find peace here. 297 00:13:04,425 --> 00:13:06,797 - oh, that sounds nice. 298 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,553 - it is time to taste. 299 00:13:08,576 --> 00:13:09,787 - oh. 300 00:13:14,195 --> 00:13:15,448 Oh, my lord. 301 00:13:15,471 --> 00:13:18,183 Is that what butter Tastes like? 302 00:13:19,781 --> 00:13:23,558 That is fantastic, And I made it. 303 00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:24,803 - your first churn. 304 00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:26,899 - oh. 305 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,836 Oh, and look, a callous. 306 00:13:30,859 --> 00:13:33,422 I am so excited. 307 00:13:33,444 --> 00:13:36,167 - soon thine hands Will be covered in these. 308 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,307 - a little less excited. 309 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:40,796 - victoria, Are you in there? 310 00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,968 - oh, it's my friends. 311 00:13:42,991 --> 00:13:44,244 Oh, hi, guys. 312 00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,457 Oh, good, you caught elka. 313 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,799 Let me introduce you. 314 00:13:46,822 --> 00:13:49,097 Of course you know Elka already. 315 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,757 - and thee must be joy. 316 00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:51,874 - how did you know? 317 00:13:51,896 --> 00:13:53,790 - elka told me Thee put forth thy legs 318 00:13:53,813 --> 00:13:57,015 Like the midday meal. 319 00:13:57,038 --> 00:13:58,961 - except that men Actually get excited 320 00:13:58,984 --> 00:14:01,100 About the midday meal. 321 00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:04,164 - and this is... - hi. 322 00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:05,985 - mel? - a man is here. 323 00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:08,348 Quick, take off his boots. 324 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:10,135 Fetch him a plate and A warm cloth for his brow. 325 00:14:10,158 --> 00:14:11,826 - no, no, I'm not a man, I'm not a man. 326 00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:14,094 Although you're kinda Making me wish I was. 327 00:14:14,117 --> 00:14:15,912 No, it's very nice To meet you, 328 00:14:15,936 --> 00:14:17,701 But, victoria, we have got To get back to cleveland. 329 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,297 - and I've got To get to canada. 330 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,372 - we promised We'd take her to canada 331 00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:22,649 If she helped us find you. 332 00:14:22,672 --> 00:14:23,958 So come on, Let's get a move on. 333 00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:24,916 - no. 334 00:14:24,939 --> 00:14:26,576 I'm not going with you. 335 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,821 - what? 336 00:14:27,844 --> 00:14:30,184 - I have embraced The simple way. 337 00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:33,152 No more running around Looking for what I need. 338 00:14:33,175 --> 00:14:34,781 Now I will stay in the home, 339 00:14:34,804 --> 00:14:36,856 And what I need Will come to me. 340 00:14:36,879 --> 00:14:40,484 - you said that exact speech When you joined netflix. 341 00:14:43,518 --> 00:14:44,997 - I like it here. 342 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:46,497 And they like me, 343 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,381 And they don't even Know who I am. 344 00:14:48,404 --> 00:14:50,572 - that might change When they do. 345 00:14:52,968 --> 00:14:56,010 - I want to learn to be At peace with myself. 346 00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:58,469 colossians 3:15. 347 00:14:58,491 --> 00:15:01,214 - "Let the peace of god Rule in your heart." 348 00:15:01,237 --> 00:15:03,129 It's an excellent passage. 349 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,853 - you read the whole bible? 350 00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:06,886 - there's no tv. 351 00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:12,931 - did you have to rip My beard off like that? 352 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,495 - you tricked me. 353 00:15:14,519 --> 00:15:16,091 - we had to. 354 00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:17,911 I know we said We'd take you to canada. 355 00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,251 - but we also knew You'd fall asleep 356 00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:21,167 If we put on npr. 357 00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:24,157 - frickin' garrison keillor. 358 00:15:26,202 --> 00:15:27,616 - welcome home, ladies. 359 00:15:27,639 --> 00:15:29,404 - mrs. Shaw. - who's she? 360 00:15:29,426 --> 00:15:30,841 - the governor's wife. 361 00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,437 How did you get in here? 362 00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:35,022 - there was a spare key In the obviously fake rock 363 00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:36,428 On your porch. 364 00:15:36,451 --> 00:15:38,119 You should be more careful. 365 00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:39,651 This is home security month. 366 00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:41,502 My brainchild. 367 00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,769 Didn't you see The ethnically balanced thugs 368 00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:46,228 On the billboards? 369 00:15:46,251 --> 00:15:47,568 - why haven't You released a statement 370 00:15:47,591 --> 00:15:49,612 Clarifying that I'm not Your husband's mistress? 371 00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:51,208 I was just shaping His eyebrows. 372 00:15:51,231 --> 00:15:52,964 - we were waiting For the polls to come in. 373 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:54,975 If the governor Admits to infidelity, 374 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,401 His poll numbers Will go down 5%. 375 00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,530 But if he admits to getting His eyebrows groomed, 376 00:16:00,553 --> 00:16:02,764 They go down 20%. 377 00:16:02,788 --> 00:16:04,361 This is ohio. 378 00:16:04,385 --> 00:16:06,116 We want our men To be ungroomed 379 00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:07,899 And our vegetables To be meat. 380 00:16:09,683 --> 00:16:11,449 - and what Am I supposed to do? 381 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,172 - just keep your mouth shut. 382 00:16:13,194 --> 00:16:15,375 And in exchange I will use my influence 383 00:16:15,398 --> 00:16:16,493 To get you a green card. 384 00:16:16,515 --> 00:16:18,790 - joy, that's fantastic. 385 00:16:18,814 --> 00:16:20,579 - I get to stay in america. 386 00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:23,376 - that's another reason To go to canada. 387 00:16:25,262 --> 00:16:26,452 - elka, come on. 388 00:16:26,475 --> 00:16:28,527 I know you're happy Joy is staying. 389 00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:31,070 - what's it to me? I'll be in jail. 390 00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:34,849 - no, you won't. 391 00:16:34,872 --> 00:16:36,732 Look, forget the green card. 392 00:16:36,755 --> 00:16:38,073 The favor I want from you 393 00:16:38,095 --> 00:16:39,893 Is to get the governor To pardon elka. 394 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,671 I don't want her old bones Rattling around in jail 395 00:16:42,694 --> 00:16:44,554 Making me feel guilty. 396 00:16:44,577 --> 00:16:46,214 - no, no. 397 00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:47,778 Help joy. 398 00:16:47,801 --> 00:16:50,491 I don't want her skinny butt Shipped off to england 399 00:16:50,515 --> 00:16:52,791 Making me feel guilty. 400 00:16:52,813 --> 00:16:54,386 - you shouldn't be in prison. 401 00:16:54,409 --> 00:16:57,995 You're, like, A million years old. 402 00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,739 - you have two people Who can stand you. 403 00:17:00,762 --> 00:17:03,900 You won't find that Anywhere else. 404 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,624 - I am trying to help you, 405 00:17:05,647 --> 00:17:07,412 You stubborn old Frost-top. 406 00:17:07,435 --> 00:17:09,455 - and I'm trying to help you, 407 00:17:09,478 --> 00:17:12,254 You half-naked tea bag. 408 00:17:14,298 --> 00:17:16,128 - I could do both. 409 00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:18,362 Both: oh! 410 00:17:18,386 --> 00:17:19,320 - deal. 411 00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:20,916 - yay! 412 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,575 - now, if you'll excuse me, Ladies, 413 00:17:22,598 --> 00:17:24,747 I need to go home And tell my husband 414 00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:27,705 He's been cheating And bravely stand by him. 415 00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:36,399 - I have disgraced My gorgeous wife 416 00:17:36,421 --> 00:17:38,027 With a woman who's Not fit to mention 417 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:40,071 In the same sentence, 418 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,209 A woman who meant Nothing to me, 419 00:17:42,232 --> 00:17:43,997 A woman of low Moral character. 420 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:46,934 - all right, We get it. 421 00:17:46,956 --> 00:17:48,435 Oh, who cares? 422 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,743 I get my green card, 423 00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,403 And you don't Go to prison. 424 00:17:51,427 --> 00:17:53,340 To us. - to us. 425 00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:57,981 - all right, I'll say it. 426 00:17:58,004 --> 00:17:59,768 It doesn't feel like A celebration 427 00:17:59,791 --> 00:18:01,045 Without victoria. 428 00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:03,247 - no, it doesn't. 429 00:18:03,271 --> 00:18:04,588 - ah. 430 00:18:04,611 --> 00:18:05,801 Oh, thank god. 431 00:18:05,824 --> 00:18:09,313 Champagne and Electricity and heat. 432 00:18:09,335 --> 00:18:10,845 And somebody Just run the blender. 433 00:18:10,868 --> 00:18:14,517 I don't even care If there's anything in it. 434 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,816 - I thought you wanted To be amish. 435 00:18:16,838 --> 00:18:19,262 - well, it turns out I was just amish-ish. 436 00:18:21,276 --> 00:18:23,009 It was all very fulfilling And enlightening, 437 00:18:23,032 --> 00:18:24,605 But after working All day long 438 00:18:24,628 --> 00:18:26,073 They started talking About tomorrow. 439 00:18:26,097 --> 00:18:27,478 And there was this whole Laundry list of chores, 440 00:18:27,501 --> 00:18:29,522 And one of them was laundry. 441 00:18:29,544 --> 00:18:32,522 - well, we're glad You're home. 442 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,268 - oh, and I am so happy To be home. 443 00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:36,545 And you know what, 444 00:18:36,569 --> 00:18:38,971 I think I'm even happier Because I experienced 445 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:40,727 Their way of life. 446 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,324 Oh, my gosh. 447 00:18:42,346 --> 00:18:44,717 That was my rumspringa. 448 00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,059 - your what? 449 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:48,708 - uh, it's a journey Of discovery. 450 00:18:48,731 --> 00:18:51,166 And I learned That a life of excess 451 00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:54,029 And self-involvement Is where my true heart lieth. 452 00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:00,264 Oh, dear. 453 00:19:00,288 --> 00:19:02,340 He followed me. 454 00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:03,936 - who? - it's my husband. 455 00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:05,532 - what? 456 00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:06,553 - yoder. 457 00:19:06,576 --> 00:19:07,734 Well, my husband-to-be. 458 00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,831 He won me fair and square In a corn shucking. 459 00:19:12,962 --> 00:19:15,812 - victoria, I have found thee. 460 00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:16,896 Ladies. 461 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:17,983 - hello, yoder. 462 00:19:18,006 --> 00:19:19,643 I'm sorry that I left With such haste, 463 00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:20,760 But you see, I cannot... 464 00:19:20,783 --> 00:19:22,100 - please, I've traveled Many miles. 465 00:19:22,123 --> 00:19:23,505 Hear me out. 466 00:19:23,528 --> 00:19:25,996 I long to build A life with thee, 467 00:19:26,019 --> 00:19:28,358 A life full of kindness And devotion, 468 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,209 And all that can be provided 469 00:19:30,232 --> 00:19:32,700 By a true heart And two strong hands. 470 00:19:32,723 --> 00:19:34,615 - oh, my goodness, That is so sweet but... 471 00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:36,147 - she's not a virgin. 472 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,020 - good day. 473 00:19:40,704 --> 00:19:41,957 What about thee? 474 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,682 - oh, two kids. 475 00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:44,799 - and thee? 476 00:19:44,822 --> 00:19:46,863 - thou has to asketh? 477 00:19:49,451 --> 00:19:50,961 Thee? 478 00:19:50,984 --> 00:19:55,334 - uh, I'm, uh... 479 00:19:55,357 --> 00:19:58,420 Let's discuss it Over dinner. 480 00:20:00,401 --> 00:20:02,678 Hey, it's a date. 481 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,624 Don't waiteth up. 33045

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