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1
00:00:00,940 --> 00:00:02,100
- hot in cleveland
2
00:00:02,122 --> 00:00:04,143
Is recorded in front
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:06,316
- okay, sit.
4
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:09,127
You'll only get the treat
If you sit.
5
00:00:09,149 --> 00:00:11,523
So sit.
6
00:00:11,546 --> 00:00:13,843
Now I have to sit.
7
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:17,242
- oh, who's this guy?
8
00:00:17,264 --> 00:00:19,126
Where did he come from?
9
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,723
- he's the oldest dog
At the shelter
10
00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:22,320
Where I volunteer.
11
00:00:22,343 --> 00:00:25,068
- oh, I love rescue dogs.
12
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,112
They're so grateful
And happy.
13
00:00:27,135 --> 00:00:29,338
I wish
There were rescue men.
14
00:00:31,447 --> 00:00:32,702
- he'll never get adopted
15
00:00:32,725 --> 00:00:34,960
Unless he learns
A cute trick or two.
16
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:43,211
- well, I see he's mastered
The art of licking himself.
17
00:00:43,234 --> 00:00:44,586
- thank god
Men can't do that.
18
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:47,684
It's hard enough to get 'em
Away from the tv.
19
00:00:47,707 --> 00:00:50,463
- you see why the staff
Calls him dummy.
20
00:00:50,487 --> 00:00:52,061
Oh, he'll be fine.
21
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:54,457
I have a gift
With animals.
22
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,746
I call it "The gift."
23
00:00:58,345 --> 00:00:59,887
I know how they feel,
24
00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:01,741
I know what they think.
25
00:01:01,764 --> 00:01:03,688
- what's he thinking now?
26
00:01:03,711 --> 00:01:05,190
- what we're all thinking...
27
00:01:05,213 --> 00:01:08,661
Why doesn't joy
Dress her age?
28
00:01:10,485 --> 00:01:11,643
- good morning, all.
29
00:01:11,666 --> 00:01:13,017
I have an announcement
To make.
30
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,485
I'm going to make
A sex tape,
31
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,270
And you're
All going to help.
32
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:19,054
We begin after coffee.
33
00:01:19,077 --> 00:01:21,611
Oh, and who is
This handsome fellow?
34
00:01:21,634 --> 00:01:22,888
- what are you talking about?
35
00:01:22,911 --> 00:01:24,613
- well, surely I'm
Not the only one in the room
36
00:01:24,636 --> 00:01:26,434
Who sees a dog.
37
00:01:26,457 --> 00:01:28,254
- he's visiting
From the shelter.
38
00:01:28,277 --> 00:01:29,884
- now back to us
Supposedly helping you
39
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:31,193
With a sex tape.
40
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,343
- yes. Well, as you all know,
41
00:01:32,366 --> 00:01:34,004
I am on the verge
Of financial ruin,
42
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,953
And my agent said
That a leaked sex tape
43
00:01:35,976 --> 00:01:37,678
Could generate
Enough media buzz
44
00:01:37,701 --> 00:01:39,212
To really jumpstart
My career.
45
00:01:39,235 --> 00:01:41,384
- okay. So who's
The lucky guy?
46
00:01:41,406 --> 00:01:42,949
- actually, my agent said
47
00:01:42,971 --> 00:01:44,387
That the new trend
In leaked sex tapes
48
00:01:44,410 --> 00:01:45,759
Is girl on girl,
49
00:01:45,783 --> 00:01:47,580
And I said, well, I know
Just the girl.
50
00:01:47,603 --> 00:01:49,231
- don't look at me!
51
00:01:50,670 --> 00:01:52,181
- or me.
52
00:01:52,204 --> 00:01:54,801
I'm fighting the I.N.S.
Just to stay in this country.
53
00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,301
A sex tape is
The last thing I need
54
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,538
Popping up
On my google search.
55
00:01:58,561 --> 00:02:00,519
- well, I was thinking
Of melanie.
56
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:01,605
- me?
57
00:02:02,810 --> 00:02:05,789
I've never even done it
Near a mirror.
58
00:02:05,812 --> 00:02:07,834
- wait.
Did you not ask me
59
00:02:07,857 --> 00:02:09,622
Because I'm
Not stacked enough?
60
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:10,838
- oh, joy,
Don't hate me.
61
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:13,904
Hate the internet perverts
Who run hollywood.
62
00:02:13,927 --> 00:02:15,789
And I knew
You would say no.
63
00:02:15,812 --> 00:02:17,801
- how come you didn't know
I'd say no?
64
00:02:17,823 --> 00:02:19,111
- well, I did,
65
00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:21,124
But it's just so much easier
To wear you down.
66
00:02:21,146 --> 00:02:23,903
- not this time.
- oh, come on.
67
00:02:23,927 --> 00:02:26,107
It's not like we're
Really gonna do anything.
68
00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:28,343
I mean, there won't be
Any touching or nudity.
69
00:02:29,325 --> 00:02:31,729
That's some sex tape.
70
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,094
- all right, I admit
71
00:02:34,117 --> 00:02:36,202
I'm a little outside
Of my area of expertise.
72
00:02:36,225 --> 00:02:37,767
I mean, I've never made
A sex tape.
73
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,556
- I don't even
Understand them.
74
00:02:39,579 --> 00:02:44,987
- well, you see, when two people
Love each other very much,
75
00:02:45,010 --> 00:02:47,511
They get a camera
And...
76
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:48,532
- wait.
77
00:02:48,555 --> 00:02:49,779
When would you
Even watch it?
78
00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:51,780
- after dexter.
79
00:02:55,647 --> 00:02:57,349
- the only reason
I'd make a sex tape
80
00:02:57,371 --> 00:02:58,755
Would be
As a teaching tool.
81
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,415
You know, get one of those
Little laser pointers.
82
00:03:00,438 --> 00:03:02,173
"More of this, less of that.
83
00:03:02,196 --> 00:03:04,601
Whoa,
Slow down there, cowboy."
84
00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:07,699
- oh, come on, mel.
We're friends.
85
00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:08,881
You know, we do things
For each other.
86
00:03:08,904 --> 00:03:12,012
- yes, for each other,
Not to each other.
87
00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:14,152
- but you asked me
To buy you stamps.
88
00:03:14,175 --> 00:03:15,366
- really?
89
00:03:15,389 --> 00:03:17,187
You're comparing
Buying stamps
90
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,529
With making a sex tape?
91
00:03:18,552 --> 00:03:19,710
- no, no, you're right.
92
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:21,147
I mean, buying stamps
Is so much worse.
93
00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:22,585
I have to go
To the post office.
94
00:03:22,609 --> 00:03:24,151
You just
Have to go upstairs.
95
00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:25,109
- okay, no.
96
00:03:25,132 --> 00:03:26,483
No, not in a million years.
97
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:27,665
No, never.
98
00:03:27,687 --> 00:03:30,029
- I am loving the passion.
99
00:03:30,052 --> 00:03:32,298
- you know, my therapist
Doesn't believe me
100
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,670
When I tell him
These stories.
101
00:03:33,693 --> 00:03:35,683
- what's that, dear?
102
00:03:35,705 --> 00:03:41,019
Dummy says he thinks
You're too far gone for therapy.
103
00:03:41,041 --> 00:03:44,979
- well, then good-bye,
Old, useless dummy,
104
00:03:45,002 --> 00:03:46,437
And your dog.
105
00:04:02,795 --> 00:04:04,369
- oh, perfect!
106
00:04:04,393 --> 00:04:06,094
Is it too much to ask
For coffee lids
107
00:04:06,117 --> 00:04:07,150
That fit coffee cups?
108
00:04:07,172 --> 00:04:09,886
- tell me about it.
109
00:04:11,037 --> 00:04:13,634
The place downstairs,
Right?
110
00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:15,103
- and the lines are so long,
111
00:04:15,126 --> 00:04:17,435
And everyone with their
Complicated drink orders now.
112
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,512
- this morning,
I'm in line for 20 minutes,
113
00:04:19,535 --> 00:04:20,725
And the woman
In front of me
114
00:04:20,748 --> 00:04:22,003
Finally gets to the counter,
115
00:04:22,026 --> 00:04:23,409
And the guy says,
"What can I get you?"
116
00:04:23,432 --> 00:04:27,018
And she says,
"Let me think."
117
00:04:27,042 --> 00:04:29,701
I mean, what was she thinking
About for the last 20 minutes?
118
00:04:29,724 --> 00:04:31,650
- at least your guy said,
"What can I get you?"
119
00:04:31,673 --> 00:04:34,239
Mine said, "What can I
Do you for?"
120
00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:35,580
- I hate that.
121
00:04:35,603 --> 00:04:36,985
People are so annoying.
122
00:04:37,008 --> 00:04:38,488
- people are the worst.
123
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,616
Hi, I'm joy.
- I'm gordon.
124
00:04:42,854 --> 00:04:45,036
- I'm sorry, but what time
Is your appointment?
125
00:04:45,059 --> 00:04:46,154
It's 12:00.
126
00:04:46,176 --> 00:04:47,783
Mine must be 1:00.
127
00:04:47,806 --> 00:04:49,667
I hate bloody
Daylight savings time.
128
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,489
- me, too.
It's like jet lag,
129
00:04:51,511 --> 00:04:53,054
But you don't
Get to go anywhere.
130
00:04:53,077 --> 00:04:55,194
- that would make
A good tweet.
131
00:04:55,217 --> 00:04:57,845
- I hate twitter.
- me, too!
132
00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:59,761
Okay, I'm gonna go out
On a limb here.
133
00:04:59,784 --> 00:05:01,071
Recycling.
134
00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:02,191
- hate it.
135
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,107
I mean, I do it,
But it's so annoying.
136
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:07,748
- it's like
High-maintenance garbage.
137
00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,888
- you know,
I know why I'm here,
138
00:05:09,911 --> 00:05:12,125
But I don't see
How a beautiful woman like you
139
00:05:12,147 --> 00:05:14,233
Could possibly need
A therapist.
140
00:05:14,256 --> 00:05:15,798
I would think you could
Just solve your problems
141
00:05:15,821 --> 00:05:17,716
By looking in the mirror.
142
00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:19,600
Unless your problem's
Narcissism.
143
00:05:21,731 --> 00:05:23,433
So why are you seeing
Dr. Morgan?
144
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,287
- I'm sorry, but I don't
Know you that well.
145
00:05:25,309 --> 00:05:26,404
- that's true.
146
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,704
I could be some kind
Of violent psychopath
147
00:05:28,727 --> 00:05:30,077
In need
Of serious treatment.
148
00:05:31,571 --> 00:05:33,910
Are you?
149
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:34,901
- no.
150
00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:35,924
You?
151
00:05:35,947 --> 00:05:37,137
- joy?
- no.
152
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,639
- what?
- I'm sorry.
153
00:05:38,662 --> 00:05:39,662
I was answering
His question.
154
00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:41,738
No, I'm not a psychopath.
155
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,048
Right, dr. Morgan?
156
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:44,261
- you know I can't talk
About specifics
157
00:05:44,284 --> 00:05:45,475
In front of patients.
158
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:47,519
- yes, but you can
Say that much, can't you?
159
00:05:47,542 --> 00:05:48,766
"She's not a psychopath."
160
00:05:48,789 --> 00:05:50,363
I'm giving you permission.
161
00:05:50,385 --> 00:05:52,147
- joy, isn't your appointment
An hour from now?
162
00:05:53,293 --> 00:05:54,740
- let's talk
About it then, okay?
163
00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:56,304
- okay.
164
00:05:56,327 --> 00:05:58,637
But I'm not a psychopath.
165
00:05:58,659 --> 00:05:59,648
- gordon?
166
00:06:03,099 --> 00:06:04,483
- I'll see you
In an hour?
167
00:06:04,506 --> 00:06:06,324
- see you in an hour.
168
00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:15,407
- you know what,
I'm gonna double up next week.
169
00:06:15,430 --> 00:06:16,940
I'd rather spend
The next hour with you.
170
00:06:16,964 --> 00:06:18,348
You like mexican food?
171
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:19,656
- hate it.
- me, too.
172
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,796
- oh!
173
00:06:23,161 --> 00:06:24,863
- it's chilly in here.
174
00:06:24,886 --> 00:06:28,282
I'll either have to get
My sweater or knit faster.
175
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,911
- I'll turn up
The thermostat
176
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:31,733
As soon as I
Finish these bills.
177
00:06:38,494 --> 00:06:39,910
And I'm out of stamps.
178
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,178
Who do you have to sleep with
In this place to get stamps?
179
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,893
Oh, yeah... Victoria.
180
00:06:44,915 --> 00:06:48,588
- oh, here's my sweater
Right here.
181
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:52,528
Oh, poor dummy.
182
00:06:52,551 --> 00:06:55,883
the only thing
He can do is shed.
183
00:06:55,905 --> 00:06:58,885
- I just met
The greatest guy.
184
00:06:58,908 --> 00:07:00,865
- oh, congratulations.
Where?
185
00:07:00,889 --> 00:07:02,590
- at my therapist's office.
186
00:07:02,613 --> 00:07:04,795
- oh, a more cautious
Congratulations.
187
00:07:04,818 --> 00:07:06,519
- no, no, it's okay.
188
00:07:06,542 --> 00:07:08,660
I mean, obviously,
He's screwed up,
189
00:07:08,683 --> 00:07:10,481
But we had
Such a connection.
190
00:07:10,504 --> 00:07:12,110
There's a chance
We are screwed up
191
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,410
In completely
Complimentary ways.
192
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,007
- what's he like?
193
00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:17,764
- well, that's what
We're about to find out.
194
00:07:17,788 --> 00:07:20,319
- what are all those files?
195
00:07:20,342 --> 00:07:22,876
- when dr. Morgan left
To take a phone call,
196
00:07:22,898 --> 00:07:25,718
I noticed gordon's files
On his desk,
197
00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:28,465
So let's divide them up
And look for red flags.
198
00:07:28,488 --> 00:07:29,488
- all right.
199
00:07:29,511 --> 00:07:31,053
- you stole his files?
200
00:07:31,077 --> 00:07:32,331
Isn't that
A little unethical?
201
00:07:32,354 --> 00:07:34,312
- I know, and I wouldn't
Have done it,
202
00:07:34,335 --> 00:07:36,165
But I might be
Deported in a month,
203
00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:38,113
And I don't have two years
To get to know him
204
00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:39,806
To see if he's
Marriage material or not.
205
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,499
- well, I think
It's brilliant.
206
00:07:41,523 --> 00:07:43,447
I wish I'd seen
My third ex-husband's files
207
00:07:43,470 --> 00:07:44,726
Before we got married.
208
00:07:44,749 --> 00:07:46,770
Although, I suppose
He could have hid
209
00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:48,878
His being gay
Even from his therapist.
210
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:52,137
- he was president
Of the victoria chase fan club.
211
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,979
I don't think he was
Hiding it from anyone.
212
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:58,259
- the fan club hasn't been
The same since we lost him.
213
00:07:59,474 --> 00:08:02,295
- this person's a psycho!
214
00:08:02,318 --> 00:08:05,671
- that's my file!
215
00:08:08,324 --> 00:08:10,058
- you stole
Your file, too?
216
00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,081
- wouldn't you?
217
00:08:11,104 --> 00:08:13,476
- well, yeah,
I would, yeah.
218
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:14,914
- oh, this is great.
219
00:08:14,937 --> 00:08:17,022
It says gordon
Likes assertive women.
220
00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,299
I'm assertive.
221
00:08:18,322 --> 00:08:19,599
I stole these files.
222
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,411
- ooh, it says he's ready
To get married soon,
223
00:08:23,433 --> 00:08:24,849
So no commitment issues.
224
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,883
And here are his sex fantasies.
225
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:30,695
Oh, look, a particular
Favorite of yours, I believe.
226
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,877
- yes!
227
00:08:31,899 --> 00:08:33,984
I won't even need
A laser pointer.
228
00:08:34,007 --> 00:08:35,454
- oh, and he also has
229
00:08:35,477 --> 00:08:37,307
The standard
Girl-on-girl fantasies
230
00:08:37,331 --> 00:08:38,776
That everyone loves.
231
00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:40,789
- not everyone.
232
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,919
- oh. He hates walks
On the beach, too.
233
00:08:43,942 --> 00:08:46,859
- again, this is
All about my career.
234
00:08:46,881 --> 00:08:48,776
I mean, the sex
Is just simulation.
235
00:08:48,798 --> 00:08:52,609
It's only my desperation
That's real.
236
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,685
- uh-oh. This says
Gordon has...
237
00:08:54,709 --> 00:08:56,410
- oh, please, don't say
Peanut allergy.
238
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:57,752
That just freaks me out.
239
00:08:57,775 --> 00:08:58,806
They eat the wrong thing,
240
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,147
Their head swells up
Like a basketball,
241
00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:01,809
And there goes
Your evening.
242
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,493
- no, he has
A heightened fear
243
00:09:04,516 --> 00:09:07,368
Of being spied on
Or watched.
244
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:09,188
- that's all?
245
00:09:09,211 --> 00:09:10,945
- don't you see?
246
00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:12,543
We're doing
What he fears most.
247
00:09:12,566 --> 00:09:14,682
We're making
His nightmares come true.
248
00:09:16,815 --> 00:09:18,952
Hey, I'm in your file.
249
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:23,148
P.S. Right back at ya.
250
00:09:25,119 --> 00:09:27,332
- oh, that must be
Jasmine breeze.
251
00:09:27,356 --> 00:09:28,930
- who?
252
00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,878
- well, when you wouldn't
Co-star in my fake sex tape,
253
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,476
I hired a professional.
254
00:09:32,499 --> 00:09:34,042
- you hired a hooker?
255
00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:37,140
- she comes from
A very classy escort service.
256
00:09:37,163 --> 00:09:39,728
- you can tell because
The a-s-s in "Classy"
257
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,356
Is capitalized.
258
00:09:41,379 --> 00:09:44,487
- all right, all you have to do
Is hold the camera.
259
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:45,925
Here's the power button,
260
00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:47,842
And there's the zoom,
And...
261
00:09:47,864 --> 00:09:49,247
Oh, although it's high def,
262
00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:50,897
So, you know, don't zoom.
263
00:10:06,424 --> 00:10:07,497
- you want a cup of tea?
264
00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:09,842
- I'm good.
265
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,781
- you know, um,
While we're waiting,
266
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:15,218
I'm just...
I've been wondering something.
267
00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:17,519
See, I'm out
In the dating world again
268
00:10:17,542 --> 00:10:18,860
After a very long marriage,
269
00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:20,808
And, um, well,
You would know,
270
00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:23,332
What is it that guys are
Really looking for these days?
271
00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:27,793
- well, it's more
What you say than what you do.
272
00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:30,872
- oh.
273
00:10:30,894 --> 00:10:33,619
- but you still
Gotta do it, too.
274
00:10:33,642 --> 00:10:35,025
- right, got it.
275
00:10:36,389 --> 00:10:39,018
You know, they say the most
Erotic organ is the brain.
276
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:42,712
- yeah, I get a lot
Of requests for the brain.
277
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:46,173
- I'm sorry I'm late.
278
00:10:46,197 --> 00:10:47,610
I was just putting
The finishing touches
279
00:10:47,633 --> 00:10:49,463
On the script.
- script?
280
00:10:49,486 --> 00:10:50,646
Uh...
281
00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:52,594
"I can't believe
I'm making love
282
00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:55,310
To daytime emmy-winner
Victoria chase."
283
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:56,970
- do people really talk
About your awards
284
00:10:56,993 --> 00:10:58,089
When they're
In bed with you?
285
00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:00,613
- well, they do
If they're smart.
286
00:11:00,636 --> 00:11:02,817
- wait. Script, camera, uh...
287
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,563
I get paid extra
For being a porn star.
288
00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:06,650
- now, wait a minute.
289
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:08,471
Why is everyone
In porn a "Star"?
290
00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:10,484
Are there no
Porn character actors?
291
00:11:10,507 --> 00:11:14,221
- look, jasmine breeze,
I don't have any more money.
292
00:11:14,244 --> 00:11:15,658
Now, this video
Is gonna get me work,
293
00:11:15,681 --> 00:11:17,255
And when I get paid,
I promise that I'll pay you.
294
00:11:17,278 --> 00:11:18,565
Promise?
295
00:11:18,588 --> 00:11:22,750
Promises don't pay
My tuition to law school.
296
00:11:22,773 --> 00:11:24,411
- you're in law school?
297
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,478
- well, I didn't have
The grades for dental school.
298
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:29,362
No video
Unless you pay double.
299
00:11:29,385 --> 00:11:30,960
- you know what?
Just go.
300
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:35,208
And rest assured, I would have
Acted your ass off.
301
00:11:35,231 --> 00:11:38,104
- I get paid extra
For that, too.
302
00:11:40,663 --> 00:11:45,048
Well, this is awkward.
303
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,602
- no.
304
00:11:51,939 --> 00:11:53,897
- my problem
With modern art is
305
00:11:53,919 --> 00:11:54,950
That if I could do it,
306
00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:56,292
It just doesn't seem
Like art to me.
307
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:57,410
- mm-hmm.
308
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,390
- I probably shouldn't
Have insulted
309
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:02,745
That one piece so loudly
In that echoing lobby.
310
00:12:02,769 --> 00:12:03,704
- well, how could you know
311
00:12:03,727 --> 00:12:05,780
The artist was standing
Right behind us?
312
00:12:05,803 --> 00:12:07,825
- and I suppose
That third-grade class
313
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:11,147
Was going to learn
Those words eventually, right?
314
00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:12,903
- look, I know
We've only been dating
315
00:12:12,926 --> 00:12:14,596
For a couple of weeks,
316
00:12:14,619 --> 00:12:17,121
But there's something
I'd really like to ask you.
317
00:12:17,144 --> 00:12:18,367
- yes.
318
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,506
You can eat the french fries
Off my plate.
319
00:12:20,529 --> 00:12:21,593
- thank you.
320
00:12:23,597 --> 00:12:24,788
Mmm.
321
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,831
This is a real sense memory.
322
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:28,269
You know,
I was a chubby kid,
323
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:30,185
So my parents wouldn't
Let me order them.
324
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,974
But my sister
Would let me eat hers
325
00:12:31,998 --> 00:12:33,060
Off of her plate.
326
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:35,137
I really loved her
For that.
327
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,418
- what a lucky thing
I ordered them then.
328
00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,983
- you know me so well.
329
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:43,986
It's like we met
In a past life or something.
330
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:46,063
I mean,
We have cut through months
331
00:12:46,086 --> 00:12:47,500
Of that getting
To know you business,
332
00:12:47,523 --> 00:12:50,599
And we're connecting
On the big stuff.
333
00:12:50,621 --> 00:12:52,387
- this feels
Really right, doesn't it?
334
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,909
- it does.
335
00:12:59,215 --> 00:13:01,204
I love an assertive woman.
336
00:13:01,227 --> 00:13:03,313
- I know.
- hmm?
337
00:13:03,336 --> 00:13:05,549
- now.
338
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,561
Because you just said it.
339
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:08,765
Kiss me again.
340
00:13:11,514 --> 00:13:13,439
- well, I suppose
I could get publicity
341
00:13:13,462 --> 00:13:15,100
The old-fashioned way...
342
00:13:15,123 --> 00:13:17,497
Shoplifting.
343
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,179
Well, winona ryder
Got a lot of press.
344
00:13:20,202 --> 00:13:22,129
- seriously?
Breaking the law?
345
00:13:22,152 --> 00:13:23,246
- aw, you're right.
346
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,195
I'd just look
Like a copycat.
347
00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:27,368
- ooh, you could
Punch out a paparazzi.
348
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,252
- if we had paparazzi
Around
349
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,881
Then I wouldn't
Need the attention.
350
00:13:30,904 --> 00:13:33,501
Melanie, where is your head?
351
00:13:34,578 --> 00:13:37,015
Having tom brady's baby
Might be fun.
352
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:40,273
- now you're thinking.
353
00:13:40,296 --> 00:13:42,574
Hey, how was
Your date with gordon?
354
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:44,042
- wonderful.
355
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:45,481
- uh-oh, what's wrong?
356
00:13:45,503 --> 00:13:46,950
Here.
357
00:13:46,973 --> 00:13:50,081
- tell us all about it.
358
00:13:50,104 --> 00:13:52,636
- I really, really
Like this guy,
359
00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:55,479
And not just from his files,
But for who he really is.
360
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,354
So I've decided I have to be
Completely honest with him.
361
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:01,134
- you're gonna tell him
That you took his file?
362
00:14:01,157 --> 00:14:02,506
- oh, god, no,
He'll never know that,
363
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:04,413
Or my real birthday.
364
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:09,630
No, I need to tell him
I might be deported soon,
365
00:14:09,653 --> 00:14:11,802
And I'm scared of
What his reaction might be.
366
00:14:11,826 --> 00:14:13,208
- he's gonna be crushed.
367
00:14:13,231 --> 00:14:14,359
- yeah,
Just like we are.
368
00:14:14,382 --> 00:14:15,605
- yeah,
But what if he's not?
369
00:14:15,628 --> 00:14:17,426
What of he says,
"Oh, that's too bad,
370
00:14:17,449 --> 00:14:18,384
It's been fun,"
371
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:20,301
Instead of
My secret crazy wish
372
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:21,898
Where he says,
"Let's get married
373
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,431
"And get you a green card
374
00:14:23,454 --> 00:14:24,933
And work this all out"?
375
00:14:24,956 --> 00:14:27,711
- well, maybe you should ask
Your therapist how to tell him.
376
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,905
- or better yet, tell gordon
At the therapist's office.
377
00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,247
That way if he dumps me,
378
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:35,399
At least I'll have
Somewhere to cry for an hour.
379
00:14:37,670 --> 00:14:39,627
- I was looking for dummy.
380
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:41,128
What's going on here?
381
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:43,268
- oh, we're just
All feeling a little sad.
382
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,377
- all right, already,
383
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,528
I'll do your sex tape.
384
00:14:56,197 --> 00:14:57,388
- oh, god!
385
00:14:57,411 --> 00:14:58,443
Really?
386
00:14:58,466 --> 00:14:59,720
- don't worry about it.
387
00:14:59,743 --> 00:15:00,774
I brought two.
388
00:15:00,797 --> 00:15:01,828
- hey.
389
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:03,074
- and they're
Not made of paper,
390
00:15:03,097 --> 00:15:04,992
So we don't have to recycle.
391
00:15:05,015 --> 00:15:07,994
Joy, did I get the time
Wrong this time?
392
00:15:08,017 --> 00:15:09,239
- no.
393
00:15:09,263 --> 00:15:11,029
I knew you'd be here,
And...
394
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:12,433
There's something
I need to tell you.
395
00:15:12,456 --> 00:15:13,904
- okay.
396
00:15:13,927 --> 00:15:15,085
- well, it's not definite,
397
00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:18,087
But I'm having problems
With my green card.
398
00:15:18,111 --> 00:15:19,238
And there's a good chance
399
00:15:19,261 --> 00:15:21,220
I might be deported
Very soon.
400
00:15:21,242 --> 00:15:22,369
- oh.
401
00:15:22,392 --> 00:15:25,212
Wow.
402
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:27,033
Well, we can't
Let that happen.
403
00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:28,247
I mean, I don't
Want that to happen.
404
00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:30,355
- I'm so relieved
You said that.
405
00:15:30,377 --> 00:15:32,432
- you could stay, right,
If someone married you,
406
00:15:32,455 --> 00:15:33,390
Like in those movies.
407
00:15:33,413 --> 00:15:34,572
Oh, I hate those movies,
408
00:15:34,595 --> 00:15:35,626
But I would do that.
409
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:36,872
- I hate those movies, too,
410
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,086
But I would
Let you do it.
411
00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:39,843
- I mean, we hate too many
Of the same things
412
00:15:39,866 --> 00:15:41,025
Not to stay together.
413
00:15:41,048 --> 00:15:42,366
Cirque du soleil.
- jazz.
414
00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:43,484
- flying.
- flying?
415
00:15:43,508 --> 00:15:44,761
- oh, yeah,
Didn't I tell you that?
416
00:15:44,785 --> 00:15:46,871
Deathly afraid,
Can't get on a plane.
417
00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:48,617
- that wasn't
In your files.
418
00:15:55,104 --> 00:15:57,508
I went from "I love you"
To a restraining order
419
00:15:57,531 --> 00:15:59,585
In under ten minutes.
420
00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:02,970
On the plus side,
That's a personal best for me.
421
00:16:02,993 --> 00:16:04,601
- honey, I'm so sorry.
422
00:16:04,623 --> 00:16:05,686
- oh, so am I.
423
00:16:05,709 --> 00:16:07,826
- I swear, I haven't
Felt this hurt
424
00:16:07,849 --> 00:16:10,254
Since kyle stood me up
At the altar.
425
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:11,979
I know it doesn't
Make any sense.
426
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,567
I've only known
Gordon for a few weeks.
427
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:16,356
I wonder what dr. Morgan
Would say
428
00:16:16,378 --> 00:16:18,752
If he were
Still speaking to me.
429
00:16:18,775 --> 00:16:20,029
- he'd say
You're finally
430
00:16:20,052 --> 00:16:22,106
Letting your
Intimacy barriers down.
431
00:16:22,128 --> 00:16:24,630
- and allowing yourself
To feel pain.
432
00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:25,907
It's a real step forward
433
00:16:25,931 --> 00:16:27,632
In dealing with
Your abandonment issues.
434
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:29,452
- mmm, it has been
A recurring theme
435
00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:31,296
In your last ten sessions.
436
00:16:36,152 --> 00:16:38,750
- you all read my file.
437
00:16:38,772 --> 00:16:41,400
- wouldn't you?
438
00:16:41,423 --> 00:16:43,701
- yes.
439
00:16:43,723 --> 00:16:44,915
And maybe you're right.
440
00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:47,790
Maybe I have made
A little emotional progress.
441
00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:52,124
I guess I should be happy
I'm so miserable.
442
00:16:54,553 --> 00:16:57,086
- oh ho ho.
443
00:16:57,109 --> 00:17:00,792
Dummy says he feels
Bad for you.
444
00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:02,805
What's that, dummy?
445
00:17:02,827 --> 00:17:06,946
There's a pitcher of margaritas
Trapped in the fridge?
446
00:17:14,486 --> 00:17:16,668
Well, floozies,
447
00:17:16,691 --> 00:17:19,319
Dummy has a home
Right here.
448
00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:20,886
- oh, yay!
449
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,131
That's wonderful.
- yay!
450
00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:26,560
- and look
How happy he is.
451
00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:30,597
- well, we finally have
A man in the house.
452
00:17:30,619 --> 00:17:32,769
- and he's big and hairy
Like a cleveland man.
453
00:17:32,791 --> 00:17:34,654
- and frightened
Of the thunder
454
00:17:34,677 --> 00:17:37,784
Like an l.A. Man.
455
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:39,222
- even if he can't
Do anything else,
456
00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:41,425
He made me feel better.
457
00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:44,109
- maybe he can console us
When one of us loses a man.
458
00:17:44,132 --> 00:17:46,717
- oh, get your rest, dummy.
459
00:17:50,393 --> 00:17:51,934
- ooh.
460
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:54,778
Oh, my agent says to hold off
On the sex tape.
461
00:17:54,801 --> 00:17:57,610
there might be an opening
On celebrity rehab.
462
00:18:05,215 --> 00:18:07,940
Oh, they just want
To figure out which addiction
463
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,484
Is gonna get me
The most camera time.
464
00:18:11,763 --> 00:18:14,520
How come I can't restart
My career?
465
00:18:14,543 --> 00:18:16,532
- and how come I can't
Hang onto a man?
466
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:18,449
- and how come every time
I drink margaritas,
467
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,866
I feel like I could
Have sex with anyone?
468
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:24,520
- now you tell me?
32855
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