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1
00:00:00,781 --> 00:00:01,876
- hot in cleveland
Is recorded
2
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:04,017
In front of a live
Studio audience.
3
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,925
- hey, nobody touches
The reservation list
4
00:00:06,949 --> 00:00:08,077
But the maitre d'.
5
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:10,377
- but this is my first trip
To l.A.,
6
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,967
And this is robert redford's
Favorite restaurant.
7
00:00:12,989 --> 00:00:15,267
- and you want him to sign
Your autograph book?
8
00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:19,071
- that would be
My second choice.
9
00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:21,692
- sorry, I could lose
My job.
10
00:00:21,714 --> 00:00:25,996
- just a quick peek.
Please?
11
00:00:28,075 --> 00:00:30,161
- aw...
12
00:00:30,184 --> 00:00:33,165
- the best way to get over a
Divorce is to move to cleveland.
13
00:00:33,188 --> 00:00:35,883
- so all your tweets are true?
- yes!
14
00:00:35,906 --> 00:00:38,376
Men whistle, they hold
Your door open for you,
15
00:00:38,399 --> 00:00:41,091
They buy you drinks,
And not just after last call.
16
00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:44,287
- sometimes during the day,
In natural light.
17
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,684
- no, it's true.
Living in iowa...
18
00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,602
- ohio.
- whatever.
19
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:50,200
It's completely freeing.
20
00:00:50,223 --> 00:00:52,310
I mean, you don't have to obsess
About your looks
21
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:53,876
Or how famous you are,
22
00:00:53,899 --> 00:00:55,793
Or starve yourself
Into a size zero.
23
00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,670
- you still do
All those things.
24
00:00:58,693 --> 00:01:00,524
- well, yes,
But I don't have to.
25
00:01:00,547 --> 00:01:02,185
Except for this week.
26
00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:03,847
- she hasn't had food
For five days,
27
00:01:03,870 --> 00:01:05,318
just for one scene
In all my children.
28
00:01:05,342 --> 00:01:08,099
- it's not just a scene.
It's a death scene.
29
00:01:08,122 --> 00:01:09,921
A.K.A., emmy magnet.
30
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:13,021
I'm gonna be seductively splayed
At the bottom of a staircase,
31
00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:14,970
Wearing none but a tiny bra
And panties,
32
00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,824
Making a moving,
Heartfelt speech
33
00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:20,595
About the futility
Of female rivalry.
34
00:01:20,617 --> 00:01:21,904
- oh, no.
35
00:01:21,927 --> 00:01:23,439
Is susan lucci
In the scene with you?
36
00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:26,124
- yes. But that second-rate
Little sock puppet
37
00:01:26,147 --> 00:01:28,489
Barely gets a word in
Edgewise.
38
00:01:28,512 --> 00:01:30,439
- well, you've gotta
Eat something.
39
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:32,101
At least try these
Fetal carrots in fennel.
40
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,347
- mm. Mm...
41
00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:35,456
- just chew them up
And spit them out again.
42
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,343
- that's disgusting.
- why would you do that?
43
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:42,520
- don't tell me people are
Still swallowing in cleveland.
44
00:01:42,543 --> 00:01:44,533
- so what else is everyone
Doing here?
45
00:01:44,556 --> 00:01:46,451
- stem cell face lifts.
46
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,337
But the wait list is brutal.
47
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,565
I'll be 60 by the time
I look 30.
48
00:01:51,588 --> 00:01:53,163
And tomorrow,
I'm seeing an iridologist.
49
00:01:53,186 --> 00:01:56,135
He looks in your eyes and
Tells you what's wrong with you.
50
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,532
- my husband used to do that
For free.
51
00:01:58,555 --> 00:02:00,034
- can I come with you?
52
00:02:00,057 --> 00:02:01,664
- joy, you have to be
On set
53
00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:02,975
To do my hair and makeup.
54
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,563
- are you going
To the set too?
55
00:02:05,586 --> 00:02:06,649
- no, no.
I'm meeting the couple
56
00:02:06,672 --> 00:02:09,622
That are buying my house
Tomorrow. Cha-ching!
57
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:11,700
- well, if it isn't
Our own little stalker.
58
00:02:11,723 --> 00:02:13,138
Has redford filed
A restraining order
59
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,353
Against you yet?
60
00:02:14,377 --> 00:02:17,069
- no, but he's having lunch
Here tomorrow.
61
00:02:17,092 --> 00:02:18,285
And we are too!
62
00:02:18,308 --> 00:02:20,968
- elka, it takes weeks
To get a reservation here.
63
00:02:20,992 --> 00:02:22,886
- well,
Maybe for l.A. Grannies
64
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,507
Who nip-tuck
To make dimples.
65
00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:28,607
Check this out.
66
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:29,982
- oh...
67
00:02:30,004 --> 00:02:32,826
I've never seen
Natural aging before.
68
00:02:32,849 --> 00:02:36,310
- watch me get that old fart
With ally mcbeal
69
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:39,346
To give me his dessert.
70
00:02:39,369 --> 00:02:42,606
- I love how you always
See movie stars in l.A.
71
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:45,610
- I love how that handsome guy
Is checking us out.
72
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,815
- oh...
Yeah, you know what,
73
00:02:47,839 --> 00:02:50,085
Maybe we romanticize cleveland
A little bit too much.
74
00:02:50,108 --> 00:02:54,356
- or no.
On the other hand...
75
00:03:03,819 --> 00:03:05,394
- quit huffing
My strawberries.
76
00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,600
There's a whole bowl
Right there.
77
00:03:07,623 --> 00:03:09,229
- no, not a morsel for me.
78
00:03:09,252 --> 00:03:10,795
Not until after
My big scene.
79
00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:14,982
- excuse me.
I'm sorry.
80
00:03:15,005 --> 00:03:18,114
- I don't believe it.
That's la perla guy!
81
00:03:18,137 --> 00:03:19,424
- la perla guy?
82
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:21,246
You mean the guy
Who humped and dumped you
83
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,100
Before we moved to cleveland?
- yes.
84
00:03:23,123 --> 00:03:24,922
I bought $600 worth
Of lingerie
85
00:03:24,945 --> 00:03:26,136
For that one-night wonder,
86
00:03:26,159 --> 00:03:27,670
And he doesn't even
Remember me.
87
00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:29,460
- joy, that is michael knight.
88
00:03:29,483 --> 00:03:30,642
He's one of the stars
Of this show.
89
00:03:30,665 --> 00:03:31,761
How could you not know that?
90
00:03:31,784 --> 00:03:33,806
- well, he said he was
On some soap opera,
91
00:03:33,829 --> 00:03:34,925
And I just pretended
I'd seen it,
92
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:38,281
Like I always do with you.
93
00:03:38,304 --> 00:03:40,518
We were supposed to go to
Santa barbara for my birthday,
94
00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:41,636
And he stood me up.
95
00:03:41,659 --> 00:03:42,788
He never came, never called.
96
00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:44,705
I am so gonna rip him
A new one.
97
00:03:44,728 --> 00:03:47,325
- don't you dare make a scene
Until after my scene!
98
00:03:47,348 --> 00:03:51,833
- oh, excuse me, sir.
99
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,955
Victoria...
I thought you were a man!
100
00:03:55,979 --> 00:03:58,193
- ah, susan, I barely
Noticed you down there.
101
00:03:58,216 --> 00:04:01,645
Both: mwah. Mwah.
102
00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:04,202
- susan, this is joy,
My personal stylist.
103
00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:06,151
Joy, this is susan lucci.
104
00:04:06,174 --> 00:04:07,717
Susan's an actress too.
105
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:10,305
- my god, you're gorgeous.
106
00:04:10,328 --> 00:04:12,128
- oh, thank you.
You're so sweet.
107
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,684
Were you eating the strawberries
With your fingers?
108
00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:15,964
- I'm sorry.
Was I sticky?
109
00:04:15,986 --> 00:04:17,209
- wet wipe!
110
00:04:17,232 --> 00:04:19,415
I am very allergic.
111
00:04:19,438 --> 00:04:21,620
I swell up
Out of all proportion.
112
00:04:21,642 --> 00:04:23,379
Speaking of which,
113
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:27,533
You should probably
Avoid the bagels.
114
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:30,185
- actually, I'm doing
A cleansing fast.
115
00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:33,126
Wardrobe has me
In the tiniest silk panties.
116
00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:35,138
- oh, don't worry, I've been
Speaking to the producers,
117
00:04:35,162 --> 00:04:36,353
And they've changed
Your wardrobe.
118
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:37,761
- what?
119
00:04:37,783 --> 00:04:40,349
What... What do you mean?
120
00:04:40,371 --> 00:04:42,490
- well, as they explained it
To me,
121
00:04:42,513 --> 00:04:46,549
For such a distinguished
Emmy winner, such as yourself,
122
00:04:46,572 --> 00:04:49,267
To join us for a
One-time-only guest shot,
123
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,503
It's probably humiliating
Enough.
124
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,412
And it's such
A touching scene.
125
00:04:54,435 --> 00:04:58,534
Exposing all that aging flesh
Would just cheapen it.
126
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,635
Or cause
An unintentional laugh.
127
00:05:01,658 --> 00:05:04,927
- I see. How very considerate
Of them.
128
00:05:04,951 --> 00:05:07,196
- well, I'm sure you want to
Run down to hair and makeup
129
00:05:07,218 --> 00:05:08,441
Before the camera
Rehearsal.
130
00:05:08,465 --> 00:05:10,679
- I've already done
Her hair and makeup.
131
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:13,556
Full-body makeup.
132
00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:16,145
- well, as I've said,
They've changed your scene,
133
00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:18,254
Just a skosh.
134
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:23,016
If she were any more
Of a bitch,
135
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,443
She'd have puppies.
136
00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:33,659
- didn't you hear me
Out in the car honking?
137
00:05:33,682 --> 00:05:35,577
We're doing lunch
With robert redford.
138
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,951
- no, not yet.
139
00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,444
The couple buying the house
Also want to buy my furniture.
140
00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:41,042
I'm having a hard time
Deciding what to sell.
141
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:44,239
- fine, I'll drive myself.
- no.
142
00:05:44,262 --> 00:05:46,028
You lost your l.A.
Driving privileges
143
00:05:46,051 --> 00:05:48,360
When you flipped off
Tom hanks.
144
00:05:48,383 --> 00:05:52,420
- forrest gump drives
Like a soccer mom.
145
00:05:52,443 --> 00:05:55,138
- I used to be a soccer mom.
146
00:05:55,161 --> 00:05:56,542
And a brownie leader.
147
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,110
In fact jenna's troop
Used to meet
148
00:05:58,132 --> 00:05:59,069
Right around this table.
149
00:05:59,091 --> 00:06:01,976
Jenna sat here.
Ashley over there.
150
00:06:01,999 --> 00:06:05,523
Britney b., britney l.,
Britney r.
151
00:06:05,546 --> 00:06:09,103
Oh, britney l.,
She moved away to reseda.
152
00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:10,350
We promised
We'd keep in touch,
153
00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:14,089
But, well, you know...
Reseda.
154
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,646
I mean, I know that I don't need
Anything in this house anymore,
155
00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:19,043
But just everything
Has a memory to it.
156
00:06:19,066 --> 00:06:20,929
- oh, sweetheart...
157
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:23,773
I have memories
Of this place too.
158
00:06:23,796 --> 00:06:26,393
This spot right here...
159
00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:30,027
This is where I was when
I got bored with your story.
160
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:40,328
- how can I possibly deliver
A dying speech
161
00:06:40,351 --> 00:06:41,958
From a hospital bed?
162
00:06:41,981 --> 00:06:44,485
Those words were written
For a bra and panties.
163
00:06:44,507 --> 00:06:46,689
- it's still a great speech.
164
00:06:46,712 --> 00:06:47,967
You rehearsed it at home
Fully dressed,
165
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,333
And that last line
Made me cry every time.
166
00:06:50,356 --> 00:06:54,999
- you mean the one where
I dramatically toss my hair?
167
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:57,268
- maybe this could work
To your advantage.
168
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,921
Award voters love it
When actresses are brave enough
169
00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:02,189
To look hideous.
- I'm hideous?
170
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,340
- yes. Good hideous.
171
00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:05,481
you know, like charlize theron
In monster.
172
00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:06,728
- oh, you're right.
173
00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:09,158
The judges love it
When beautiful people suffer.
174
00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:11,171
But I didn't starve myself
For nothing.
175
00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:13,121
Help me loosen
These blankets.
176
00:07:13,144 --> 00:07:14,495
At least I can
Show a little leg
177
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:17,851
Where they attached
The catheter.
178
00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:20,599
- victoria, I thought we should
Go over the new pages
179
00:07:20,622 --> 00:07:22,646
Before we shoot.
- new pages?
180
00:07:22,669 --> 00:07:25,809
You didn't change my speech?
- just a pinch.
181
00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:28,686
Oh, and the writers just felt
It made more sense
182
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,603
Coming from me.
183
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:35,397
- you conniving little
Tea cup poodle!
184
00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:36,931
You planned this all along.
185
00:07:36,954 --> 00:07:38,529
- oh, come on, victoria.
186
00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:40,830
Just pretend it's
A special episode of
187
00:07:40,853 --> 00:07:43,930
"The bald and the beautiful."
188
00:07:43,953 --> 00:07:47,628
Laugh!
189
00:07:49,674 --> 00:07:55,213
I know you can't speak,
But I...
190
00:07:55,236 --> 00:07:57,194
I pray that you can
Hear me.
191
00:07:57,218 --> 00:07:59,293
- mmmm...
192
00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:04,545
- seeing you
In this miserable state,
193
00:08:04,569 --> 00:08:07,006
I can't help but feel
Partly responsible.
194
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,818
- mm-hmm.
195
00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:13,558
- if only I'd been there
To warn you
196
00:08:13,581 --> 00:08:15,987
That liza has sabotaged
The stairway.
197
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,585
- I forgive you.
198
00:08:17,609 --> 00:08:20,643
- cut! She's talking again.
199
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:23,658
- you know,
I was just thinking
200
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,095
How much the viewers
Would love it
201
00:08:25,119 --> 00:08:27,621
If I suddenly woke up right
In the middle of susan's speech.
202
00:08:27,644 --> 00:08:30,561
- you know, if victoria's
Not happy with her part,
203
00:08:30,584 --> 00:08:31,808
We could just send her home
204
00:08:31,831 --> 00:08:33,693
And slap some lipstick
On a coconut.
205
00:08:33,716 --> 00:08:35,259
No one would know
The difference.
206
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,008
- I think people would
Know the difference
207
00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:39,797
Between me and a coconut.
208
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:43,111
- oh. We could age
The coconut.
209
00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:49,226
I know you... Can't speak...
210
00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:54,596
But I... But I pray
That you can hear me.
211
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:57,249
- mmmm...
212
00:08:57,272 --> 00:08:59,487
- rest, dear friend.
213
00:08:59,509 --> 00:09:01,723
If only I had been there
To warn you
214
00:09:01,746 --> 00:09:04,184
That liza had sabotaged
The stairway.
215
00:09:05,486 --> 00:09:08,754
- why did we always let
Petty jealousy
216
00:09:08,777 --> 00:09:10,768
Blind us to what's
Really important?
217
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,813
Love...
218
00:09:12,836 --> 00:09:14,060
Compassion...
219
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,584
- friendship.
Ow!
220
00:09:16,607 --> 00:09:17,596
She bit me!
221
00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:24,095
- the maitre d' said
His assistant
222
00:09:24,119 --> 00:09:25,502
Just called and cancelled.
223
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:28,186
We do not know where
Mr. Redford is eating now.
224
00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:30,103
- well, you better find out.
225
00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:33,609
Unless you want me to go
All charlie sheen on this dump.
226
00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:36,815
- all right, all right,
227
00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:38,382
I may have heard something
About him
228
00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:39,884
being on jimmy kimmel tonight.
229
00:09:39,907 --> 00:09:40,939
- let's roll.
230
00:09:40,962 --> 00:09:42,665
- elka, elka...
231
00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:43,944
I can't drive you
To kimmel.
232
00:09:43,966 --> 00:09:45,700
I'm meeting the couple
That are buying my house.
233
00:09:45,723 --> 00:09:47,362
- fine!
234
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:49,920
I'll get die hard
Over there to take me.
235
00:09:49,943 --> 00:09:52,050
Hey, baldy, wait up.
236
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,087
- "It wasn't me
You pulled from the wreckage.
237
00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:58,261
"It was my twin brother alex.
238
00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,083
"He we impersonating me
To get control
239
00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:01,393
Of chandler enterprises."
240
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:04,269
- "Then it was alex's ashes
I scattered at sea."
241
00:10:04,292 --> 00:10:06,091
- excuse me.
242
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:08,360
- oh, crap!
- what?
243
00:10:08,383 --> 00:10:09,703
- it's a blast
From my past.
244
00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:11,685
- excuse me.
245
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:13,603
You obviously don't
Remember me,
246
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:15,424
So let me reintroduce myself.
247
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:17,086
I'm the woman who's about
To rip the blue
248
00:10:17,109 --> 00:10:18,460
Right out of your eyes.
249
00:10:18,483 --> 00:10:22,135
- slow down. You're right,
I don't remember you.
250
00:10:22,158 --> 00:10:24,724
Which is odd because
Gorgeous, crazy women
251
00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:26,322
Are usually so hard
To forget.
252
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:28,911
- crazy was falling
For your line at sky bar
253
00:10:28,934 --> 00:10:31,979
Instead of tasering you
In your jackson pollocks!
254
00:10:32,002 --> 00:10:33,993
Bollocks!
It's rhyming slang.
255
00:10:34,016 --> 00:10:36,006
I'm english.
We talked about this!
256
00:10:36,029 --> 00:10:39,267
- did you say sky bar?
- uh-huh.
257
00:10:39,289 --> 00:10:43,006
- god, I can't believe
He's doing it again.
258
00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:46,521
Look, miss, this is gonna sound
A little nutsy,
259
00:10:46,544 --> 00:10:49,366
But it wasn't me you met.
It was my brother.
260
00:10:49,388 --> 00:10:52,775
- brother?
- my twin brother alex.
261
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,111
- oh, please.
262
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,707
You seriously expect me
To believe
263
00:10:57,731 --> 00:10:58,795
You have an evil twin?
264
00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:00,105
- it's true.
265
00:11:00,128 --> 00:11:02,598
Sometimes I can't even
Tell 'em apart.
266
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:06,114
- you see, alex is jealous
Of my fame,
267
00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:10,012
So he uses my name
To... Pick up models.
268
00:11:10,035 --> 00:11:13,049
- oh, come on!
269
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:18,099
I mean... I hardly look
Like a model.
270
00:11:18,122 --> 00:11:20,177
- well, I just assumed.
271
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,637
And you know what
The worst part is?
272
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,554
Alex is obviously
Out there somewhere
273
00:11:24,578 --> 00:11:26,537
Picking up women
I'd be too intimidated
274
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,550
To even talk to.
275
00:11:28,573 --> 00:11:32,129
- well, I think you're being
A little hard on yourself.
276
00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:35,614
- joy. Joy, code blue.
I need you.
277
00:11:35,637 --> 00:11:37,307
- oh, I have to go.
278
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,737
But maybe we can
Talk some more later?
279
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,259
- you can count on it.
280
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,302
- you really should teach.
281
00:11:48,324 --> 00:11:50,252
- why are you still
Dressed like that?
282
00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:51,913
- oh, lucci keeps ruining
Our scene,
283
00:11:51,936 --> 00:11:53,287
So we're re-shooting
After lunch.
284
00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:55,014
Which means that
We only have an hour
285
00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:57,282
To create a devious
Retaliation plan
286
00:11:57,305 --> 00:11:58,753
So brilliantly convoluted
287
00:11:58,775 --> 00:12:00,319
They can never
Trace it back to me.
288
00:12:00,342 --> 00:12:02,779
- or me.
289
00:12:02,803 --> 00:12:05,240
- that's gonna rule out
A lot of plans.
290
00:12:05,263 --> 00:12:07,179
Come on.
291
00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:15,756
- uh, excuse me,
292
00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:18,375
Where does mr. Kimmel
Keep his guest stars?
293
00:12:18,399 --> 00:12:21,126
- oh, I'm sorry, you're not
Allowed to be back here.
294
00:12:21,149 --> 00:12:23,938
- pretty please?
295
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,664
- aw...
296
00:12:25,687 --> 00:12:28,796
The green room is
Right around the corner.
297
00:12:28,819 --> 00:12:31,673
- thank you.
Bring me a diet coke. No ice.
298
00:12:31,696 --> 00:12:33,813
And if some rum
Found its way in there,
299
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,242
That'd be okay.
300
00:12:36,265 --> 00:12:38,000
- and here we are,
Back in the kitchen again.
301
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,151
- oh, we love it!
302
00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:41,005
- we cannot wait
To move in.
303
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,379
- I just love all these
Little details.
304
00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:43,913
- but like I said earlier,
305
00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:45,895
I can't really part
With any of this stuff either.
306
00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:47,269
- oh, the real estate agent said
You wanted to sell
307
00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:48,516
The contents of the house.
308
00:12:48,538 --> 00:12:50,017
- well, sure, you know,
When you say "Contents,"
309
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,232
I want to sell 'em.
310
00:12:51,255 --> 00:12:53,948
but when it comes down
To the actual things...
311
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:57,145
Like the drapes that
My son will always hid behind
312
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:58,391
Whenever we played
Hide and seek,
313
00:12:58,414 --> 00:12:59,797
And I used to have
To pretend
314
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:00,820
That I didn't see
His little toes
315
00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:02,833
Peeking out from under.
316
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:05,135
Not for sale.
317
00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:07,948
- wow, it's nice you have
So many happy memories here.
318
00:13:07,971 --> 00:13:09,003
- we thought you were
Selling the house
319
00:13:09,025 --> 00:13:09,961
Because you got a divorce.
320
00:13:09,984 --> 00:13:11,559
- steve!
- no, no.
321
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,806
It's okay, it's okay.
322
00:13:12,829 --> 00:13:14,724
Most of my happy memories are
Between me and my kids.
323
00:13:14,747 --> 00:13:16,704
My husband was
Rarely home.
324
00:13:16,727 --> 00:13:20,444
- yeah, I know
What that's like.
325
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,617
- honey, I have to work.
326
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,207
- I work too.
327
00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,572
- well, you know,
We had other problems.
328
00:13:27,594 --> 00:13:29,809
But actually, I used to love
My alone time.
329
00:13:29,832 --> 00:13:32,717
I could read a book,
Relax, have a glass of wine.
330
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:36,935
This little baby
Chills 20 bottles at once!
331
00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:38,853
- well, good, 'cause
This little baby
332
00:13:38,876 --> 00:13:41,559
Can really knock 'em back.
333
00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:45,213
- well, it does help
Kill the time
334
00:13:45,236 --> 00:13:48,378
When I'm home alone
With nothing to do.
335
00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:49,975
- well, you know what,
You'll have plenty to do
336
00:13:49,998 --> 00:13:51,189
When you have kids.
337
00:13:51,212 --> 00:13:52,468
This house was made
For kids.
338
00:13:52,491 --> 00:13:54,993
- oh, we're not having
Children.
339
00:13:55,016 --> 00:13:57,167
- well, never say never.
340
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:58,861
- I thought we agreed.
341
00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:00,843
- no, no, no.
You and your therapist agreed.
342
00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:02,824
I just stopped arguing.
343
00:14:02,847 --> 00:14:05,732
- hey, you know what everyone
Can agree on?
344
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:06,882
Trash compactors.
345
00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:09,535
Who doesn't want
Smaller trash?
346
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,134
- I can't believe you're
Still thinking about kids.
347
00:14:11,157 --> 00:14:12,892
- why do you think I wanted
A house with so many rooms?
348
00:14:12,914 --> 00:14:15,033
- so we wouldn't be
On top of each other.
349
00:14:15,056 --> 00:14:16,567
- I didn't realize that
Me being on top of you
350
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,781
Was such a drag.
351
00:14:17,804 --> 00:14:21,457
- it is if you're only there
To make babies.
352
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,429
- you know what's
Really fun to make?
353
00:14:24,452 --> 00:14:26,634
Microwave popcorn.
354
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,552
Especially for family
Movie night.
355
00:14:28,575 --> 00:14:30,470
Or not family.
356
00:14:30,493 --> 00:14:32,163
It could be
Couple movie night.
357
00:14:32,187 --> 00:14:33,825
You know, even better.
358
00:14:33,849 --> 00:14:37,086
Well, you know,
When you're home.
359
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,971
Although movies are also
A lot of fun alone.
360
00:14:38,994 --> 00:14:41,070
Especially 'cause
You like to drink.
361
00:14:44,332 --> 00:14:45,523
- thanks. But you know,
362
00:14:45,546 --> 00:14:47,377
You have really
Opened my eyes.
363
00:14:47,401 --> 00:14:49,806
Turns out we won't be
Needing the house after all.
364
00:14:49,829 --> 00:14:53,993
- there you go again,
Speaking for the both of us.
365
00:14:54,016 --> 00:14:56,677
Yeah, she's probably right.
366
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,584
We're not gonna need
The house.
367
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:11,475
- I really think
This is a bad idea.
368
00:15:11,498 --> 00:15:12,721
- yeah, well,
You're not here to think.
369
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,736
You're here to be my lookout.
Strawberry.
370
00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:16,333
- you don't know
How allergic she is.
371
00:15:16,355 --> 00:15:17,484
What if this kills her?
372
00:15:17,507 --> 00:15:21,287
- stop saying things
I want to hear.
373
00:15:21,309 --> 00:15:23,173
Once she dabs her eyes
With this,
374
00:15:23,196 --> 00:15:25,123
She'll really have something
To cry about.
375
00:15:25,146 --> 00:15:28,275
- someone's coming.
Hide!
376
00:15:34,573 --> 00:15:35,893
I don't hear anything.
377
00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:37,363
- maybe they went
The other way.
378
00:15:37,386 --> 00:15:39,429
Take a peek.
379
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:44,032
What's wrong?
- we're locked in.
380
00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:49,157
- well, we've got a great show
For you tonight.
381
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,138
George clooney will
Be here tonight.
382
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:55,644
He, um...
383
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:58,649
He had nowhere else to go,
So he decided to come here.
384
00:15:58,672 --> 00:16:00,471
And...
385
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:02,451
Well, I didn't...
386
00:16:02,475 --> 00:16:05,680
I didn't think
It was that funny, but, um...
387
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,950
We also, tonight,
Will have a performance...
388
00:16:07,973 --> 00:16:11,273
Hello.
- where's robert redford?
389
00:16:11,297 --> 00:16:13,479
- I don't know where
Robert redford is.
390
00:16:13,502 --> 00:16:15,237
Who are you?
391
00:16:15,259 --> 00:16:16,675
- elka ostrovsky.
392
00:16:16,698 --> 00:16:19,391
I was told robert redford
Was a guest tonight.
393
00:16:19,415 --> 00:16:21,916
- I should probably point out
That this is not a bit.
394
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,674
This is a strange woman
That has
395
00:16:23,697 --> 00:16:25,465
Wandered up onto the stage.
396
00:16:25,487 --> 00:16:28,309
Thank you for providing
Security, guillermo.
397
00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:31,727
Where are you from, he says,
Hoping you're not armed.
398
00:16:31,751 --> 00:16:35,628
- I'm from cleveland, ohio,
The greatest city in the world.
399
00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:37,289
Oh. All right.
400
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:39,974
- I said the greatest city
In the world!
401
00:16:42,138 --> 00:16:44,001
- that's, um...
402
00:16:44,023 --> 00:16:45,983
Well, you know, I'd love
To chat more, elka, but...
403
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,294
- well, then,
I gotta sit down.
404
00:16:47,317 --> 00:16:51,257
- uh, yeah, that seat is
Actually reserved
405
00:16:51,279 --> 00:16:52,630
For george clooney.
406
00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:55,252
- oh, there's room for two.
407
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,914
- all right,
That's fine, then.
408
00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:59,662
I guess there is room
For two.
409
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,101
Seriously, though, I mean...
410
00:17:01,123 --> 00:17:03,178
You know george clooney's
In the green room, right?
411
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,384
You're okay with
Cleveland granny being here?
412
00:17:05,406 --> 00:17:09,187
All right.
413
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:14,396
- so did robert redford
Ever sit in this chair?
414
00:17:14,419 --> 00:17:16,601
- as a matter of fact,
Yes, he did.
415
00:17:16,623 --> 00:17:19,498
- give me a minute.
416
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,098
How was it?
417
00:17:29,121 --> 00:17:32,039
It was fine for me.
418
00:17:32,061 --> 00:17:34,531
- it was pretty good
For the chair too, I think.
419
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,481
- young man.
420
00:17:36,504 --> 00:17:39,358
Could you get a close-up
Of this?
421
00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:43,448
Audience: aww...
422
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:46,676
- if anyone out there knows
Where robert redford is,
423
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:49,680
My cell phone number is
216...
424
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:50,929
- hey, we're gonna be
Right back!
425
00:17:56,734 --> 00:17:58,917
- this is a nightmare.
426
00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:00,515
- let's just bang
On the door.
427
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,793
Someone will hear us
And let us out.
428
00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:03,104
- are you crazy?
429
00:18:03,127 --> 00:18:04,830
If they find us in here,
They'll know you were the one
430
00:18:04,853 --> 00:18:07,131
Who poisoned susan's kleenex.
- it was you!
431
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,593
- now isn't the time
For finger pointing.
432
00:18:09,616 --> 00:18:13,715
I know, I'll boost you over
The top of that wall.
433
00:18:13,738 --> 00:18:16,420
Oh, fine, you can
Give me a boost.
434
00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:20,714
- okay, susan,
I just need some reaction shots
435
00:18:20,737 --> 00:18:22,280
To intercut
With the dream sequence.
436
00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:23,750
- right.
437
00:18:23,773 --> 00:18:25,668
- you're remembering
The plane crash.
438
00:18:25,691 --> 00:18:27,810
You're lying in the wreckage.
439
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,888
A dim figure hovers
Above you.
440
00:18:29,911 --> 00:18:32,667
You wake up horrified.
441
00:18:32,691 --> 00:18:35,852
- aah!
442
00:18:50,301 --> 00:18:52,739
- oh, elka, I think
I blew the sale!
443
00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:54,113
- who cares!
444
00:18:54,136 --> 00:18:56,190
I found out where
Robert redford is.
445
00:18:56,214 --> 00:19:00,537
- hide me. I think I killed
Susan lucci.
446
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,339
- oh, my god!
Where's joy?
447
00:19:06,249 --> 00:19:10,370
- would somebody please
Let me out!
448
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:17,061
Oh, it's you.
449
00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:20,705
And there's music.
450
00:19:20,728 --> 00:19:23,389
- yeah, they're rehearsing
Music cues next door.
451
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,019
You know, it kind of
Makes me want to
452
00:19:25,042 --> 00:19:26,521
Sweep you off your feet
453
00:19:26,544 --> 00:19:28,151
And carry you
Up to my dressing room.
454
00:19:28,174 --> 00:19:32,658
- well... If that's what
The scene calls for.
455
00:19:35,812 --> 00:19:38,624
That didn't sound right.
33368
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