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1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,182
- but I thought you told us
Your husband was an accountant.
2
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,138
- he was.
3
00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:07,733
But after he died,
4
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,092
I discovered he was also
5
00:00:10,115 --> 00:00:11,656
A fence for the mob.
6
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,920
- you know what?
Um, I don't need the wine.
7
00:00:13,942 --> 00:00:14,971
I'm ready to go now.
8
00:00:14,994 --> 00:00:17,396
- as am I.
9
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,639
- oh, go ahead.
10
00:00:18,662 --> 00:00:20,201
I don't need sex
With you.
11
00:00:20,224 --> 00:00:22,275
I have my son.
12
00:00:22,297 --> 00:00:24,794
The storm knocked out all
Of the reception.
13
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:25,877
Now I'm dying
To tell him
14
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,153
How much I want
To meet him,
15
00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:28,811
And he's someplace thinking
I don't care.
16
00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:31,809
- I love you!
Oh.
17
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,212
Actress in a daytime drama
18
00:00:33,236 --> 00:00:34,614
Goes to...
19
00:00:34,637 --> 00:00:35,987
victoria chase
For edge of tomorrow.
20
00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:37,198
- oh!
Oh, my god!
21
00:00:37,221 --> 00:00:38,537
- what the hell
Is all this stuff?
22
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,312
- you had to date
A cop, didn't you?
23
00:00:51,697 --> 00:00:55,023
♪ nobody knows ♪
24
00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:58,308
♪ the trouble I've seen ♪
25
00:00:58,331 --> 00:01:01,657
♪ nobody knows ♪
26
00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:05,802
♪ my sorrow ♪
27
00:01:05,825 --> 00:01:09,788
♪ nobody knows ♪
28
00:01:09,811 --> 00:01:14,253
♪ what the next line is ♪
29
00:01:14,276 --> 00:01:15,464
Oh.
30
00:01:15,487 --> 00:01:16,995
- hey, fresh meat.
31
00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:18,866
Pipe down.
32
00:01:24,065 --> 00:01:25,541
- what's with the big "M"?
33
00:01:25,564 --> 00:01:27,422
- it stands for murder.
34
00:01:27,445 --> 00:01:29,686
- is that what you're
In for?
35
00:01:29,709 --> 00:01:30,898
- no.
36
00:01:30,921 --> 00:01:32,780
It's what I've been
Thinking about
37
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:36,086
Ever since you started
Playing that harmonica.
38
00:01:39,786 --> 00:01:41,772
- so what are you
In for, kid?
39
00:01:41,795 --> 00:01:44,164
- drunk and disorderly...
40
00:01:44,186 --> 00:01:47,129
Or, as I like to call it,
41
00:01:47,152 --> 00:01:49,543
Tuesday.
42
00:01:51,521 --> 00:01:53,603
And how 'bout you?
43
00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:56,250
- possession of stolen goods.
44
00:01:56,273 --> 00:01:58,323
My husband was in the mob.
45
00:01:58,346 --> 00:01:59,279
- really?
46
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:01,033
Mine too.
47
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,182
Which family?
48
00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:03,616
- palomara.
49
00:02:03,639 --> 00:02:05,912
- me too.
50
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:08,177
I thought you looked
Familiar.
51
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,600
You're the one who brought
The ambrosia
52
00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:12,226
To big pauly's
Going-away party,
53
00:02:12,249 --> 00:02:13,278
Aren't you?
54
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,052
- you brought the gabagool.
55
00:02:16,075 --> 00:02:17,105
- yes.
56
00:02:17,128 --> 00:02:18,794
And you were the one
That got picked up
57
00:02:18,817 --> 00:02:22,143
With all the stuff.
58
00:02:22,166 --> 00:02:23,673
Tell me,
59
00:02:23,696 --> 00:02:27,310
Wasn't there a faberge egg
In the stuff?
60
00:02:27,332 --> 00:02:28,552
- yes.
- mm-hmm.
61
00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:31,455
- I sold it to open
The faberge animal shelter.
62
00:02:31,478 --> 00:02:32,890
- mm-hmm.
63
00:02:32,913 --> 00:02:34,261
- looking back,
Not the best name
64
00:02:34,283 --> 00:02:35,473
To keep the heat off.
65
00:02:35,495 --> 00:02:36,876
- no.
66
00:02:36,898 --> 00:02:38,056
- that took spunk.
67
00:02:38,079 --> 00:02:39,651
- thank you.
68
00:02:39,674 --> 00:02:41,872
- I hate spunk.
69
00:02:47,294 --> 00:02:49,664
- ♪ ba ba ba ba ♪
70
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:51,673
♪ ba ba ba ba ♪
71
00:02:51,695 --> 00:02:52,692
♪ hey ♪
72
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:55,658
- so let's not wait
Another 33 years
73
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,348
To do this again,
Okay, stretch?
74
00:02:57,371 --> 00:02:59,708
- you got it.
75
00:02:59,731 --> 00:03:00,791
- oh, hi.
76
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:01,748
- hi.
77
00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:03,216
Oh, you're right.
78
00:03:03,238 --> 00:03:05,118
They do look like hookers.
79
00:03:10,572 --> 00:03:13,068
- all right, you ladies
Have five minutes.
80
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:15,078
- oh, elka,
You poor thing.
81
00:03:15,101 --> 00:03:16,449
- did you get the money?
82
00:03:16,472 --> 00:03:17,821
- well, no, not yet.
83
00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:19,256
Your bail is very high.
84
00:03:19,279 --> 00:03:21,138
- did you have to insult
The judge like that?
85
00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:24,262
- he called me elderly.
86
00:03:24,284 --> 00:03:26,845
- well, you are elderly.
87
00:03:26,868 --> 00:03:30,566
- and he was really fat.
88
00:03:32,799 --> 00:03:36,507
Well, it's all your stupid
Cop boyfriend's fault.
89
00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:38,389
- I know,
And pete's being punished.
90
00:03:38,412 --> 00:03:39,951
I am not talking to him.
91
00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:43,045
- oh, that's not
How you punish a man.
92
00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:45,819
You talk more.
93
00:03:45,842 --> 00:03:49,327
- we're trying to raise
Your bail.
94
00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:50,539
But my money
Is all tied up
95
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:51,749
In my house
That won't sell.
96
00:03:51,772 --> 00:03:53,217
- and mine's
In my business,
97
00:03:53,239 --> 00:03:54,460
Which is not doing
So hot.
98
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:55,767
Apparently,
In this economy,
99
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:59,371
$200 eyebrow shapings
Are the first thing to go.
100
00:03:59,395 --> 00:04:01,954
- people are plucking
Their own brows?
101
00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:05,238
Do we live
In a third-world country now?
102
00:04:05,261 --> 00:04:06,419
- victoria...
103
00:04:06,442 --> 00:04:08,587
You're loaded.
104
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:10,086
I mean,
You spend thousands
105
00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:13,052
On that wrinkle stuff
Made from whale urine.
106
00:04:13,074 --> 00:04:15,443
- when it's used
For medicinal purposes,
107
00:04:15,466 --> 00:04:18,282
It's pronounced, "Your-eine."
108
00:04:18,305 --> 00:04:20,259
Oh, and I haven't been able
To reach my money people
109
00:04:20,282 --> 00:04:21,630
Since the tornado.
110
00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,256
Oh, I've got bars.
111
00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:24,436
No offense.
112
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:27,529
And I have a message
From my business manager.
113
00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:29,059
He's probably calling
To congratulate me
114
00:04:29,082 --> 00:04:30,176
On my emmy.
115
00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:32,950
Oh, what a magical night.
116
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,182
I've been walking on air
Ever since.
117
00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:38,148
- oh, haven't we all.
118
00:04:38,171 --> 00:04:39,647
- oh, my god.
119
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:42,007
Oh, my god.
120
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,027
Oh, my god.
121
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,782
- what?
What is it?
122
00:04:44,805 --> 00:04:46,439
- my business manager
Has been indicted
123
00:04:46,461 --> 00:04:47,906
On tax fraud.
124
00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:49,724
All of my assets are frozen.
125
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,434
I've been "Madoffed"!
126
00:04:52,456 --> 00:04:54,189
- that's terrible.
- honey, I'm so sorry.
127
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,527
- oh, this is unfathomable.
128
00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:56,771
I am victoria chase.
129
00:04:56,794 --> 00:04:58,780
I am rich and famous.
130
00:04:58,803 --> 00:05:00,502
Now half of my identity
Is gone.
131
00:05:00,525 --> 00:05:02,511
There's no rich.
There's no and.
132
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:05,061
I'm only famous.
133
00:05:05,084 --> 00:05:09,240
- you're not even
That famous.
134
00:05:09,263 --> 00:05:11,248
- victoria, calm down.
135
00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:13,320
You're a strong woman.
You can get through this.
136
00:05:13,343 --> 00:05:15,140
- maybe you're right.
137
00:05:15,163 --> 00:05:16,798
I mean, after all,
I did play a homeless woman
138
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:20,082
in the lifetime original movie
Concrete pillow,
139
00:05:20,105 --> 00:05:22,026
based on the novel
The sidewalk is my bed,
140
00:05:22,049 --> 00:05:23,515
By shazique.
141
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,670
Oh, who am I kidding?
142
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,681
I can't be poor.
143
00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:31,880
I'm flying private
To chicago on thursday
144
00:05:31,903 --> 00:05:33,124
For botox.
145
00:05:33,147 --> 00:05:36,440
What a day to forget
My chill pills.
146
00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:39,778
- oh, you gotta front up
And bug down, bitch.
147
00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:44,688
It's prison slang.
148
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:50,089
- you've been here
Three hours.
149
00:05:50,111 --> 00:05:52,672
- the joint changes you.
150
00:05:52,695 --> 00:05:54,426
I also know
How to kill somebody
151
00:05:54,449 --> 00:05:58,157
With a toothbrush.
152
00:05:58,180 --> 00:05:59,528
- okay, listen.
153
00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:01,601
There are a ton of things we
Could do to raise money, okay?
154
00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:03,162
We could have a benefit,
155
00:06:03,185 --> 00:06:05,268
Or we could have
An estate sale.
156
00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:08,329
- in cleveland,
They're called garage sales.
157
00:06:08,352 --> 00:06:10,753
- ew.
158
00:06:10,776 --> 00:06:11,996
- well, do it.
159
00:06:12,019 --> 00:06:14,515
You girls have to figure out
Some way to get money.
160
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:16,715
- oh, bless you, elka.
161
00:06:16,738 --> 00:06:19,012
To think of me
In this time of need.
162
00:06:19,035 --> 00:06:22,073
- for me, you idiot.
163
00:06:22,096 --> 00:06:24,422
I'm in frickin' jail.
164
00:06:29,909 --> 00:06:32,278
- I carried this evening purse
On the red carpet
165
00:06:32,301 --> 00:06:34,732
At the 2008
People's choice awards.
166
00:06:34,755 --> 00:06:36,826
- didn't susan lucci
Win that year?
167
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,568
- that's irrelevant
To the story.
168
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:41,907
- I'll give you a buck fifty.
169
00:06:41,929 --> 00:06:44,395
- this retailed for $4,000.
170
00:06:44,418 --> 00:06:45,765
- but it's so small.
171
00:06:45,789 --> 00:06:47,265
- no, that's what makes it
So chic.
172
00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:50,422
It screams, "I have people
To carry my things."
173
00:06:50,445 --> 00:06:52,973
- but what if you
Don't have people?
174
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,122
- I don't know.
175
00:06:54,144 --> 00:06:55,844
I-I mean,
I really don't know.
176
00:06:55,867 --> 00:06:58,777
- I would really like
To buy something
177
00:06:58,800 --> 00:06:59,829
To help elka.
178
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,711
I mean...
179
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:03,911
Don't you have anything larger
Than a size 4?
180
00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:07,003
- I certainly hope not.
181
00:07:07,984 --> 00:07:10,756
- oh, I'll get it.
182
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,051
- hello, melanie.
183
00:07:14,075 --> 00:07:15,167
- hi, rick.
184
00:07:15,190 --> 00:07:16,571
Boy, I haven't seen
You since...
185
00:07:16,594 --> 00:07:19,759
- since you saw
All of me?
186
00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:21,673
- yeah, you know what?
That's all been forgotten.
187
00:07:21,695 --> 00:07:22,916
- really?
188
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:25,180
Me completely disrobing
Because I mistakenly believed
189
00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,551
That you were attracted
To me?
190
00:07:26,574 --> 00:07:28,464
That's totally
Out of your head?
191
00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:32,068
- well, it's back now.
192
00:07:32,092 --> 00:07:34,620
- well, actually,
I'm here to see joy.
193
00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:37,234
For some reason,
Our hemp-loving mailman
194
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,722
Delivered this letter
To my home by mistake.
195
00:07:39,745 --> 00:07:41,093
Excuse me, joy.
196
00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:43,644
I opened this before I saw
Who it was addressed to.
197
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,525
- oh.
198
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:46,641
It's from the I.N.S.
199
00:07:46,664 --> 00:07:47,758
- mm-hmm.
200
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:51,265
You, my dear,
Are in need of a green card.
201
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:52,222
Joy...
202
00:07:52,245 --> 00:07:53,817
My darling...
203
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,846
My english muffin...
204
00:07:56,869 --> 00:07:58,428
Would you marry me?
205
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,018
- marry you?
What are you talking about?
206
00:08:07,042 --> 00:08:08,135
- well, it's not
That complicated.
207
00:08:08,158 --> 00:08:09,410
I mean,
We're all familiar
208
00:08:09,432 --> 00:08:11,738
with movies like
The proposal and green card.
209
00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:13,523
I'll be your ryan reynolds,
210
00:08:13,546 --> 00:08:16,776
Your gerard depardieu.
211
00:08:16,799 --> 00:08:18,530
- absolutely not.
212
00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:19,805
- well, don't misunderstand.
213
00:08:19,828 --> 00:08:22,006
I mean, the whole marriage
Would be a complete sham.
214
00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:23,632
I would expect nothing
In return.
215
00:08:23,655 --> 00:08:25,162
- then why would you do it?
216
00:08:25,185 --> 00:08:26,949
- let me demonstrate.
217
00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:28,161
E-excuse me.
218
00:08:28,184 --> 00:08:29,149
Miss?
219
00:08:29,171 --> 00:08:30,425
- yes?
- hi.
220
00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:32,848
I'm rick, and...
And this is joy,
221
00:08:32,871 --> 00:08:35,749
My fiancee.
222
00:08:35,772 --> 00:08:38,110
I notice your expression
Just changed.
223
00:08:38,132 --> 00:08:41,107
You were surprised to hear
That we were a couple.
224
00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:43,179
- well, yes,
I guess I was.
225
00:08:43,202 --> 00:08:45,220
- I don't want to put words
Into your mouth.
226
00:08:45,242 --> 00:08:46,910
But several explanations
May have popped
227
00:08:46,933 --> 00:08:48,728
Into your head.
228
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:50,770
He must have money.
229
00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:53,162
Or he's extraordinarily
Gifted in bed.
230
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,616
Or he's so incredibly
Wonderful
231
00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:58,168
That she was able
To overlook
232
00:08:58,191 --> 00:09:00,815
His nonconformist
Body type.
233
00:09:00,838 --> 00:09:03,110
Did any of these thoughts
Occur to you?
234
00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:05,438
Please be honest.
235
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:08,149
- yes, all three of them.
236
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,146
- very good.
You've been most helpful.
237
00:09:11,169 --> 00:09:14,176
We are so gonna get me laid.
238
00:09:14,199 --> 00:09:15,930
- look, rick, dear.
239
00:09:15,952 --> 00:09:17,332
I appreciate
The offer, really,
240
00:09:17,355 --> 00:09:18,800
But I've had letters
Like this before,
241
00:09:18,822 --> 00:09:20,777
And I've always been able
To work it out.
242
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,881
I don't need
A fake marriage.
243
00:09:22,904 --> 00:09:24,635
- would you do it
Just for me, then?
244
00:09:24,658 --> 00:09:25,847
- hell no.
245
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,633
- y-your mouth is saying,
"Hell no,"
246
00:09:27,656 --> 00:09:31,428
But your eyes
Are just saying merely, "No."
247
00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,946
Now they're saying,
"Hell no."
248
00:09:33,969 --> 00:09:34,904
Hm.
249
00:09:34,927 --> 00:09:36,976
So what is all this?
250
00:09:36,998 --> 00:09:39,240
- oh, we're trying
To raise elka's bail money.
251
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:41,185
Unfortunately,
Nothing's selling.
252
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,396
- of course not.
253
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:45,427
These l.A. Fripperies
Have no value here.
254
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:48,232
You have to offer people
Something they want...
255
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,315
Like my balls.
256
00:09:54,824 --> 00:09:55,951
- excuse me?
257
00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:57,831
- I'm a collector
Of sports memorabilia.
258
00:09:57,854 --> 00:09:59,904
Clevelanders love
Their teams.
259
00:09:59,927 --> 00:10:02,009
People would pay any amount
Of money for the right item.
260
00:10:02,032 --> 00:10:03,955
- really?
- oh, yes.
261
00:10:03,977 --> 00:10:07,525
Collectors have been drooling
Over my balls for years.
262
00:10:07,549 --> 00:10:09,948
- can't you just say
Baseballs?
263
00:10:09,971 --> 00:10:11,926
- I also collect
Basketballs and footballs,
264
00:10:11,949 --> 00:10:15,115
So, no.
265
00:10:16,604 --> 00:10:18,431
- melanie, come on.
Please let me in.
266
00:10:18,454 --> 00:10:20,982
- I'm not speaking to you, pete.
Go away.
267
00:10:21,005 --> 00:10:21,971
- will you at least
Open the door?
268
00:10:21,994 --> 00:10:23,534
- all right.
269
00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:26,244
But it's not gonna change
One little thing.
270
00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:28,253
Oh.
271
00:10:28,276 --> 00:10:30,103
Hello.
- good afternoon, ma'am.
272
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,792
I'm officer-in-training
Jack appel.
273
00:10:31,815 --> 00:10:33,004
- I'm melanie moretti.
274
00:10:33,027 --> 00:10:34,376
It's very nice
To meet you.
275
00:10:34,398 --> 00:10:37,085
I-I must have seemed awful
Just now.
276
00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:38,999
Normally, I'm much friendlier.
I really am.
277
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:40,371
People actually comment
On it.
278
00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:41,646
I would ask him
To vouch for me,
279
00:10:41,669 --> 00:10:43,241
But I'm not speaking
To him
280
00:10:43,263 --> 00:10:44,643
Because he put somebody
That I care about in jail.
281
00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:45,854
- when an officer
Of the law
282
00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:47,194
Sees a crime
Being committed,
283
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,757
It's his sworn duty
To make the arrest, ma'am.
284
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,288
- see?
285
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:52,328
- well, now I'm not speaking
To you either.
286
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:53,859
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
287
00:10:53,882 --> 00:10:55,836
- and don't call
A woman "Ma'am."
288
00:10:55,858 --> 00:10:56,856
We hate it.
289
00:10:56,879 --> 00:10:59,887
Call us "Miss"
Until the day we die.
290
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,533
- hey, guess who just sold
Victoria's chill pills
291
00:11:02,555 --> 00:11:04,404
To the stoner mailman?
292
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:17,191
- well, we know who the bitch
Is gonna be.
293
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,377
- you're being deported?
294
00:11:24,399 --> 00:11:26,227
- my immigration status
Was already in question,
295
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,267
And now,
Thanks to this arrest,
296
00:11:28,291 --> 00:11:29,797
They're gonna ship me
Back to england.
297
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:32,381
I need to clear my head.
298
00:11:32,403 --> 00:11:33,785
I need a plan.
299
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,092
Oh, who am I kidding?
300
00:11:35,115 --> 00:11:36,208
I need a drink.
301
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:39,428
- take out that loose
Cinder block over there.
302
00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:41,787
You'll find a baggie
Of raisin wine.
303
00:11:41,811 --> 00:11:43,913
- seriously?
304
00:11:48,794 --> 00:11:51,513
"Chateau neuf d'elka."
305
00:11:51,537 --> 00:11:53,587
- it's a good vintage...
306
00:11:53,609 --> 00:11:57,445
2:00.
307
00:11:57,468 --> 00:11:58,849
- you know...
308
00:11:58,872 --> 00:12:02,515
This isn't my first time
Behind bars.
309
00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,907
I was a bit of a wild child
In my teen years.
310
00:12:04,930 --> 00:12:06,980
Um, I'm not proud
Of it now,
311
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:10,456
But I did my share
Of shoplifting.
312
00:12:10,478 --> 00:12:12,337
Anyway...
313
00:12:12,361 --> 00:12:14,569
My rebellious phase
Was brief.
314
00:12:14,592 --> 00:12:16,865
Getting pregnant and giving
My son up for adoption
315
00:12:16,888 --> 00:12:18,427
Really sobered me up.
316
00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:21,552
- have you heard
From him yet?
317
00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:22,764
- I haven't told
Anyone yet,
318
00:12:22,787 --> 00:12:24,294
But he sent me an email
319
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:25,794
Saying he has cold feet
320
00:12:25,817 --> 00:12:28,121
And wants to take some more time
Before meeting me.
321
00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,749
- oh, I'm sorry.
322
00:12:29,772 --> 00:12:31,947
- me too.
323
00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,053
Ugh, this whole thing
Has got me thinking
324
00:12:34,076 --> 00:12:35,966
About time passing...
325
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,315
Mistakes I've made,
Regrets,
326
00:12:39,338 --> 00:12:40,718
Getting older.
327
00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:45,086
- oh, you're a barrel
Of laughs.
328
00:12:45,109 --> 00:12:48,115
You shouldn't worry so much
About getting old.
329
00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:51,497
There's a secret
That nobody tells you.
330
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,314
You don't feel old.
331
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:54,972
You feel like yourself.
332
00:12:54,994 --> 00:12:56,152
- really?
333
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,300
- well, obviously,
334
00:12:57,323 --> 00:12:58,862
The... The woman looking
Back at me
335
00:12:58,885 --> 00:13:02,338
From my mirror
Isn't young.
336
00:13:02,361 --> 00:13:04,762
She bugs me sometimes.
337
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,708
- I know.
It's weird, isn't it?
338
00:13:06,731 --> 00:13:08,812
I look at pictures
Of myself in my 20s
339
00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,469
When I obsessed
Over every little flaw,
340
00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:12,096
And I just want
To shake that girl
341
00:13:12,118 --> 00:13:14,169
And tell her to relax
And enjoy it.
342
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:16,497
- I look at pictures
Of me in my 70s,
343
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,079
And I think that.
344
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,249
- well, that gives me hope.
- it shouldn't.
345
00:13:21,271 --> 00:13:24,585
I started out
Prettier than you.
346
00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:28,742
- when are you gonna stop
Being mad at me?
347
00:13:28,765 --> 00:13:30,720
- when you stop
Arresting my friends.
348
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,409
- she committed a crime
349
00:13:32,432 --> 00:13:33,844
In front
Of a rookie officer
350
00:13:33,866 --> 00:13:35,438
Who was watching
My every move.
351
00:13:35,462 --> 00:13:37,288
She was selling
A controlled substance.
352
00:13:37,311 --> 00:13:39,265
- will you stop being
Such a narc?
353
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:40,796
- but I am a narc.
354
00:13:40,818 --> 00:13:42,422
It... It's on my badge, see?
355
00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:43,538
I'm in narcotics.
356
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:44,719
- officer szymborska,
357
00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,281
Chief has arrived
And is ready for you.
358
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,397
- on my way.
359
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,501
I gotta go.
360
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,254
Um, I'm, uh, kind of getting
A commendation
361
00:13:51,277 --> 00:13:53,487
For all the, uh, arrests
I've been making.
362
00:13:53,510 --> 00:13:55,497
Um, there's also a dinner.
363
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,059
Should I put down plus-one?
364
00:13:57,081 --> 00:13:58,590
Right.
365
00:13:58,613 --> 00:14:02,449
I'm calling you
Later, though.
366
00:14:02,472 --> 00:14:04,712
- hey, jailbirds.
I smuggled in breath mints.
367
00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:06,243
- that's the least
Of our problems.
368
00:14:06,266 --> 00:14:08,858
- not the least.
369
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:12,589
- ladies, I have
The most amazing news.
370
00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,151
In our mailbox,
371
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,969
We received,
From an anonymous donor,
372
00:14:15,992 --> 00:14:17,531
A cashier's check.
373
00:14:17,554 --> 00:14:19,093
There's enough here
To free elka
374
00:14:19,116 --> 00:14:21,549
And get me to chicago
For my botox.
375
00:14:21,572 --> 00:14:23,463
- that's great!
- oh, thank god.
376
00:14:23,486 --> 00:14:24,834
- what about me?
377
00:14:24,857 --> 00:14:27,194
- oh, yes.
You.
378
00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:29,203
Well, you seem to be holding up
Rather well.
379
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:32,583
These vertical lines
Are just so slimming.
380
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:33,955
- I can't believe
381
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,708
You're choosing
Injections of botulism
382
00:14:35,731 --> 00:14:36,984
Over your best friend.
383
00:14:37,007 --> 00:14:39,503
Doesn't that worry you?
- well, yes, of course it does.
384
00:14:39,527 --> 00:14:41,608
But I figure
If I can get to chicago,
385
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,754
Then at least
I won't look worried.
386
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:52,450
- you know, rick, in all
The years you've been my agent,
387
00:14:52,473 --> 00:14:54,586
I've always refused
To do nudity.
388
00:14:54,609 --> 00:14:56,180
But now I...
389
00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:59,305
Well, you could at least
Let me finish the sentence.
390
00:14:59,329 --> 00:15:02,175
You see what poverty
Has reduced me to.
391
00:15:02,199 --> 00:15:03,771
My life is over.
392
00:15:03,793 --> 00:15:05,172
- victoria, come on.
393
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,353
We're here to celebrate.
394
00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:07,502
- yes, you're right.
395
00:15:07,525 --> 00:15:10,753
Two of my pals
Just got out of prison.
396
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:15,058
Oh, my god, I sound
White trash already.
397
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,334
By this time tomorrow,
398
00:15:16,357 --> 00:15:19,491
I'll be listening to skynyrd
And wearing a tube top.
399
00:15:19,514 --> 00:15:23,510
- who do you have to shank
To get a drink around here?
400
00:15:23,532 --> 00:15:27,081
- I'll go check
What the holdup is.
401
00:15:27,104 --> 00:15:29,058
Excuse me, bartender.
402
00:15:29,081 --> 00:15:30,555
- oh, hello, joy.
403
00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:33,170
Everyone's admiring
My balls.
404
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:35,021
- your baseballs.
405
00:15:35,044 --> 00:15:36,391
- in this case, yes.
406
00:15:36,414 --> 00:15:38,624
I sold a few of them
To the bar.
407
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,728
There's bob feller,
Al rosen,
408
00:15:40,751 --> 00:15:42,227
Rocky colavito.
409
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:44,141
- you sold all these?
- mm-hmm.
410
00:15:44,164 --> 00:15:45,895
- wait a minute.
411
00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:47,840
You're the anonymous donor,
Aren't you?
412
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,231
- guilty.
- wow, rick.
413
00:15:50,254 --> 00:15:52,368
That truly was
A lovely thing to do.
414
00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:54,409
- well, merely squaring
A debt.
415
00:15:54,432 --> 00:15:55,908
You may find this
Hard to believe,
416
00:15:55,931 --> 00:16:00,372
But mine was an awkward
And lonely youth.
417
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:03,306
Elka gave me
My first ball.
418
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:06,398
I thought my head
Was going to explode.
419
00:16:06,421 --> 00:16:09,843
- please start saying,
"Baseball."
420
00:16:09,866 --> 00:16:10,992
- in this case,
421
00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:14,551
It's best to leave it
Ambiguous.
422
00:16:16,562 --> 00:16:18,485
She was very giving
To me
423
00:16:18,508 --> 00:16:19,697
When I needed it
The most,
424
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,929
And... And on that day,
425
00:16:21,952 --> 00:16:26,679
A 35-year-old
Became a man.
426
00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:27,796
- well...
427
00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:30,762
Whatever the reason,
We're grateful.
428
00:16:30,785 --> 00:16:32,069
You know,
429
00:16:32,093 --> 00:16:33,664
About your earlier offer...
430
00:16:33,687 --> 00:16:37,171
- oh, the one that you
So summarily rejected?
431
00:16:37,194 --> 00:16:38,511
- yes, well,
Things have changed,
432
00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:40,488
And I need a green card
Right away,
433
00:16:40,511 --> 00:16:42,816
So here goes.
434
00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:44,251
I'm so desperate.
435
00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:45,654
I guess I will marry you.
436
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:47,630
Oh, I'm sorry.
437
00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:50,755
That can't be how you pictured
A proposal response.
438
00:16:50,778 --> 00:16:53,530
- no, that's exactly
How I pictured it.
439
00:16:53,553 --> 00:16:54,998
I'm a realist.
440
00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:56,943
But I didn't ask you again.
441
00:16:56,966 --> 00:16:58,601
- oh, okay.
Go ahead.
442
00:16:58,624 --> 00:16:59,971
- not so fast.
443
00:16:59,994 --> 00:17:02,937
The tables have turned.
444
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,648
I'd like you
To do the asking.
445
00:17:05,671 --> 00:17:07,466
- okay.
446
00:17:07,489 --> 00:17:09,114
- in the traditional manner.
447
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:16,554
- why is joy getting
Down on her knees
448
00:17:16,576 --> 00:17:19,233
In front of rick?
449
00:17:19,256 --> 00:17:22,060
- prison changes a woman.
450
00:17:28,695 --> 00:17:31,415
- well, I have news.
451
00:17:31,438 --> 00:17:34,061
Elka, rick was the one
Who bailed you out.
452
00:17:34,084 --> 00:17:37,632
- why, that dear, sweet,
453
00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:40,024
Surprisingly tender boy.
454
00:17:40,046 --> 00:17:40,981
- wait a minute.
455
00:17:41,003 --> 00:17:42,384
Are you saying
That he's rich?
456
00:17:42,406 --> 00:17:45,477
- back off.
He's mine.
457
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,593
- hey, wait a minute.
458
00:17:46,616 --> 00:17:48,985
I'm the only one
Who's seen him naked.
459
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,270
- you keep thinking that.
460
00:17:55,959 --> 00:17:59,923
- what I'm saying is,
We're engaged.
461
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,358
All: what?
462
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,240
- joy, how are we supposed
To feel about this?
463
00:18:03,263 --> 00:18:04,961
Well...
464
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,129
It's the only way
I can stay in this country.
465
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:08,277
So we have to make it seem
466
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,032
Very real
And believable.
467
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,466
So...
468
00:18:11,489 --> 00:18:12,965
I'm engaged!
469
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,047
- I'll be right back.
470
00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:18,642
- that's your fiancee?
471
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,108
Wow.
472
00:18:20,131 --> 00:18:21,128
You must be...
473
00:18:21,152 --> 00:18:23,807
- yes, yes, I am.
474
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,783
I'd like a bottle
Of your best champagne
475
00:18:25,806 --> 00:18:28,845
And a side order
Of your telephone number.
476
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:31,141
Nothing lasts forever.
477
00:18:31,165 --> 00:18:32,992
- you're terrible.
478
00:18:33,015 --> 00:18:35,128
- oh, I know.
479
00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:36,563
- ricky.
480
00:18:36,585 --> 00:18:38,285
- elka.
481
00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:39,751
A vision, as always.
482
00:18:39,775 --> 00:18:41,377
- I just wanted
To thank you
483
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,652
For what you did
For me.
484
00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:44,535
- no, I want
To thank you
485
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:45,842
For what you did
For me.
486
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:50,275
We will always have
The summer of '97.
487
00:18:50,298 --> 00:18:53,516
- blame it on coolio.
488
00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:00,798
- melanie.
489
00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:01,977
- pete, I'm not talking
To you.
490
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,572
- you don't have to speak
To me.
491
00:19:03,595 --> 00:19:05,963
Just listen.
492
00:19:05,986 --> 00:19:09,121
Look, I-I'm sorry
That doing my job
493
00:19:09,144 --> 00:19:10,333
Has hurt our relationship.
494
00:19:10,356 --> 00:19:12,405
But I'd be even sorrier
If I didn't tell you
495
00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:15,945
What's been on my mind
All day.
496
00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:17,635
Last night,
In the tornado,
497
00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:19,037
I heard you yell,
"I love you."
498
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:20,888
But when I started
To yell it back,
499
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:24,619
Some leaves flew into my mouth,
And it ruined the moment.
500
00:19:24,642 --> 00:19:27,839
So maybe you don't want
To hear it right now,
501
00:19:27,861 --> 00:19:29,561
But...
502
00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:31,793
I love you too.
503
00:19:31,816 --> 00:19:33,706
- oh, pete.
I love you too.
504
00:19:33,729 --> 00:19:35,929
- oh.
505
00:19:38,194 --> 00:19:41,412
- what's the screw
Doing here?
506
00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:44,963
- he told me
He loved me,
507
00:19:44,986 --> 00:19:46,622
So we're not mad
At him anymore.
508
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:48,662
And he's gonna stop
Arresting my friends, right?
509
00:19:48,685 --> 00:19:50,544
- champagne for everyone!
- ah.
510
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:51,692
- oh, what are we
Celebrating?
511
00:19:51,714 --> 00:19:56,219
- joy's fake engagement
To get a green card.
512
00:19:56,243 --> 00:19:59,589
got a problem
With that, puerco?
513
00:20:04,534 --> 00:20:06,743
- congratulations.
514
00:20:06,766 --> 00:20:07,795
- a toast.
515
00:20:07,818 --> 00:20:11,068
To losing my balls
And getting a wife.
516
00:20:12,729 --> 00:20:14,939
- sounds like a real marriage
To me.
34930
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