All language subtitles for Hot in Cleveland (2010) - S01E06 - Meet the Parents (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,403 --> 00:00:01,380 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:01,404 --> 00:00:03,014 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:03,038 --> 00:00:05,416 - you guys, the strangest Thing just happened to me. 4 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:09,153 I had a conversation With a neighbor. 5 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:12,724 - wow. I never even Saw my neighbors in l.A. 6 00:00:12,748 --> 00:00:14,448 Except during earthquakes. 7 00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:17,362 - yeah, sometimes we'd Pull out of our driveways 8 00:00:17,386 --> 00:00:20,331 At the same time, and as our Electronic gates were opening, 9 00:00:20,355 --> 00:00:22,968 I'd think I don't even Know their names, 10 00:00:22,992 --> 00:00:24,603 And they don't know mine. 11 00:00:24,627 --> 00:00:26,594 And the world was good. 12 00:00:28,597 --> 00:00:30,509 - well, that was the l.A. Us. 13 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:31,743 Here in cleveland, 14 00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,211 We're gonna get to Know our neighbors. 15 00:00:33,235 --> 00:00:35,046 In fact, I'm throwing A party. Tomorrow. 16 00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:37,771 Look at me being All spontaneous. 17 00:00:49,184 --> 00:00:52,119 - I changed my hair. 18 00:00:54,657 --> 00:00:58,070 - elka, why would... 19 00:00:58,094 --> 00:00:59,704 I mean, why? 20 00:00:59,728 --> 00:01:02,173 - I wanted something fresh. 21 00:01:02,197 --> 00:01:04,175 I found a picture in a magazine, 22 00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:06,111 And I gave it to My hair stylist. 23 00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:09,470 - was it a picture of elmo? 24 00:01:11,774 --> 00:01:14,052 - this red hair Comes with a temper. 25 00:01:14,076 --> 00:01:17,122 I will cut you. 26 00:01:17,146 --> 00:01:19,591 - okay, red, what's going on? 27 00:01:19,615 --> 00:01:23,962 - max invited me to The senior senior prom. 28 00:01:23,986 --> 00:01:27,231 - that is so cute. 29 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:31,224 - yeah, if you think piranhas Surrounding a baby seal is cute. 30 00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:34,939 - ah, so the ladies Love max, huh? 31 00:01:34,963 --> 00:01:37,542 - especially agnes bratford. 32 00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:42,402 Or should I say Fat-ass hag-ford. 33 00:01:44,239 --> 00:01:46,951 - well, she doesn't Sound like much of a rival. 34 00:01:46,975 --> 00:01:50,221 - she takes hormone Replacements. 35 00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:54,492 I can't compete with Someone who's doping. 36 00:01:54,516 --> 00:01:56,894 I have to take it up a notch. 37 00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,597 Now I just need the Dress to make it all pop. 38 00:01:59,621 --> 00:02:03,089 - don't forget the red Nose and floppy shoes. 39 00:02:08,497 --> 00:02:10,342 - oh, my god. Is That victoria chase? 40 00:02:10,366 --> 00:02:11,810 - new ringtone? 41 00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:15,480 - don't judge. 42 00:02:15,504 --> 00:02:17,715 - victoria chase? - oh, it's my agent. 43 00:02:17,739 --> 00:02:19,751 He sent a text, But I can't read it. 44 00:02:19,775 --> 00:02:20,819 My glasses are Upstairs. Can you... 45 00:02:20,843 --> 00:02:22,754 No, a little further. 46 00:02:22,778 --> 00:02:24,022 Good, good. 47 00:02:24,046 --> 00:02:26,491 A japanese company wants me 48 00:02:26,515 --> 00:02:28,426 To do a commercial. 49 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:29,928 Years of honing my craft, 50 00:02:29,952 --> 00:02:32,030 And finally my Dream is coming true. 51 00:02:32,054 --> 00:02:34,465 - your dream is to do a Japanese commercial? 52 00:02:34,489 --> 00:02:38,336 - no. To sell out for an Obscene amount of money. 53 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,038 - what's the product? 54 00:02:40,062 --> 00:02:41,673 - um, I'm not sure. 55 00:02:41,697 --> 00:02:44,976 Beneficial dryness force. 56 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,811 Probably some sort Of antiperspirant. 57 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,046 - oh, that's not so bad. 58 00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,514 A lot of a-listers do it. 59 00:02:49,538 --> 00:02:52,984 I heard brad pitt did a japanese Commercial for baby formula. 60 00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:55,620 - I know, and now Nutrition breast juice wow 61 00:02:55,644 --> 00:02:58,156 Is, like, the number one brand. 62 00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,258 - hey, elka, you never told us 63 00:03:00,282 --> 00:03:01,459 What your senior prom theme was. 64 00:03:01,483 --> 00:03:02,594 - oh, let me guess... 65 00:03:02,618 --> 00:03:04,295 A night to try to remember? 66 00:03:12,994 --> 00:03:16,073 - let's play a game. 67 00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:18,966 Raise your hand if You've got a boyfriend. 68 00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:32,057 - cupcakes are up. 69 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:33,758 - actually, they're ohio cakes. 70 00:03:33,782 --> 00:03:36,928 See, 'cause they're round on The ends and high in the middle. 71 00:03:36,952 --> 00:03:41,165 Get it? O-hi-o. 72 00:03:41,189 --> 00:03:44,235 - are you sure you're Not high in the middle? 73 00:03:44,259 --> 00:03:46,071 - I just want to make A good impression. 74 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,371 Look, I got great lake latkes. 75 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:50,608 And I have drew curry 76 00:03:50,632 --> 00:03:52,177 With lebron rice. 77 00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:53,411 And to wash it all down, 78 00:03:53,435 --> 00:03:56,581 Some cold, delicious Cuyahoga river punch. 79 00:03:56,605 --> 00:03:57,849 You know, that river Was so polluted, 80 00:03:57,873 --> 00:03:59,417 It actually caught fire once. 81 00:03:59,441 --> 00:04:00,618 But they cleaned it all up. 82 00:04:00,642 --> 00:04:01,752 - well, some of us happen 83 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:05,078 To like a little pollution. 84 00:04:06,148 --> 00:04:08,559 - look. 85 00:04:08,583 --> 00:04:09,627 My agent just sent a box 86 00:04:09,651 --> 00:04:12,297 Of ozawa industrial brothers 87 00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:16,634 Mrs. Ladypant Beneficial dryness force. 88 00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:20,571 - mrs. Ladypants. I'm thinking It's not an antiperspirant. 89 00:04:20,595 --> 00:04:23,074 - uh. "Say greeting To mrs. Ladypant. 90 00:04:23,098 --> 00:04:26,533 For best good times, be on dry." 91 00:04:29,304 --> 00:04:31,182 That's weird. 92 00:04:31,206 --> 00:04:32,517 There's, like, Something in there. 93 00:04:32,541 --> 00:04:35,386 Like a pad or... 94 00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:39,391 A diaper. 95 00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:40,892 - what are you talking about? 96 00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:43,661 They're pants. 97 00:04:43,685 --> 00:04:46,797 With an attractive Inner padding. 98 00:04:46,821 --> 00:04:49,300 On their butt. 99 00:04:49,324 --> 00:04:50,534 - oh, give it up, darling. 100 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,504 It's a diaper. - it's not a diaper! 101 00:04:52,528 --> 00:04:53,571 It's pants. 102 00:04:53,595 --> 00:04:55,406 And they're comfortable 103 00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:56,708 And perfectly stylish, 104 00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:57,909 And I love them. 105 00:04:57,933 --> 00:05:00,178 And they are paying Me a ton of money to... 106 00:05:00,202 --> 00:05:04,571 "Preserve... Freshness of crotch." 107 00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:09,754 As pants do. 108 00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:11,211 So just lay off. 109 00:05:17,519 --> 00:05:18,763 - isn't this great? 110 00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:20,598 Look how happy and Relaxed everyone is. 111 00:05:20,622 --> 00:05:21,599 - I know. 112 00:05:21,623 --> 00:05:22,800 In l.A., by now, 113 00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:24,002 I'd have had at least One conversation 114 00:05:24,026 --> 00:05:25,036 Where someone's looking past me 115 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:26,971 To find someone more important. 116 00:05:26,995 --> 00:05:30,264 - yeah, I hate that. 117 00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:33,912 - and don't you just love 118 00:05:33,936 --> 00:05:36,480 How everyone seems To have worn whatever? 119 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:37,982 I mean, look at those women. 120 00:05:38,006 --> 00:05:39,450 Their hair is still wet. 121 00:05:39,474 --> 00:05:41,253 It took me an hour and A half to blow this dry. 122 00:05:41,277 --> 00:05:43,621 Maybe we should take A lesson from them. 123 00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:45,389 - hmm. - or maybe they could take 124 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,392 A blow dryer from us. 125 00:05:47,416 --> 00:05:48,727 - hello, ladies. - hello. 126 00:05:48,751 --> 00:05:50,328 - I'm rick from Across the street. 127 00:05:50,352 --> 00:05:53,352 And, yes, I do smell of fish. 128 00:05:56,058 --> 00:05:57,835 - we weren't gonna say anything. 129 00:05:57,859 --> 00:06:00,972 - I just had a glorious Morning fishing on lake erie. 130 00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:03,007 Maybe I could bring you Some muskie some time. 131 00:06:03,031 --> 00:06:04,876 - oh, what a lovely offer. 132 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,699 Ah, there's that fish smell. 133 00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:09,414 - so are you a fisherman? 134 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:12,016 - no, no, no, I work For the plain dealer. 135 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,718 I write a column on cleveland, 136 00:06:13,742 --> 00:06:15,219 What I like, what I don't like. 137 00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:17,822 What I would like is to Interview you, melanie. 138 00:06:17,846 --> 00:06:19,256 It's quite a thing for This neighborhood to get 139 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,524 A best-selling author. 140 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,561 - and a famous Actress. Crazy, huh? 141 00:06:23,585 --> 00:06:25,730 - I'm not really an author. 142 00:06:25,754 --> 00:06:26,898 One book, you know. 143 00:06:26,922 --> 00:06:29,234 Jotted down 200 things I wanted to do one day. 144 00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,868 But it did sell like crazy. 145 00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:35,573 - although it wasn't on Television for 27 years. 146 00:06:35,597 --> 00:06:36,741 - let her have her moment, 147 00:06:36,765 --> 00:06:37,942 Or I'll tell him About your diapers. 148 00:06:37,966 --> 00:06:41,012 - pants. - diapers. 149 00:06:41,036 --> 00:06:43,681 - so was moving to cleveland One of your list things? 150 00:06:43,705 --> 00:06:47,118 - oh, god, no. No, Before I came here, 151 00:06:47,142 --> 00:06:48,853 I thought, you know, cleveland Was one of those places 152 00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:50,254 People came from But they never went to. 153 00:06:50,278 --> 00:06:54,725 - oh. So what made you Choose cleveland over l.A.? 154 00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,861 - oh, gosh, where do I start? 155 00:06:56,885 --> 00:07:00,131 You know, in l.A., everyone Is so thin and perfect. 156 00:07:00,155 --> 00:07:02,533 It really starts to mess With your self-esteem. 157 00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:04,257 But here, I feel great. 158 00:07:08,229 --> 00:07:09,573 - I see. - no. No, wait. 159 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,477 I think I'm not Communicating very well. 160 00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,746 - you know, rick, melanie Isn't as accustomed 161 00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:16,981 To being interviewed as I am. 162 00:07:17,005 --> 00:07:19,283 So maybe you could just Let her have a few moments 163 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,452 To gather her thoughts And go grab something to eat? 164 00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:24,555 - right, why don't I just Go feed my fat, ugly face. 165 00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:26,179 - you forgot smelly. 166 00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:31,162 What is wrong with me? 167 00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:32,229 How did that happen? 168 00:07:32,253 --> 00:07:34,032 I meant to say That people in l.A. 169 00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:35,432 Are vain and superficial. 170 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,468 I got to fix this. - just let it go. 171 00:07:37,492 --> 00:07:39,570 No, you try to fix that, You will only make it worse. 172 00:07:39,594 --> 00:07:41,106 - but he's our neighbor. 173 00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:42,340 And a columnist. 174 00:07:42,364 --> 00:07:43,975 I don't want him not to like me. 175 00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:46,077 I like being likeable. 176 00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:47,278 Not to brag, but It's kind of my thing. 177 00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:48,846 - mm-hmm. 178 00:07:48,870 --> 00:07:51,248 - you should be able to Tolerate someone not liking you. 179 00:07:51,272 --> 00:07:52,349 - you're right. 180 00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:53,617 I mean, a ton of People don't like you, 181 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:57,188 And you're fine with it. 182 00:07:57,212 --> 00:07:59,423 - I'm gonna staple My mouth shut. 183 00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,659 As soon as I fix this. 184 00:08:01,683 --> 00:08:02,827 Rick, hi. - hi. 185 00:08:02,851 --> 00:08:04,295 - I'm just... I'm sorry. 186 00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:06,030 I'd like to explain. 187 00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:08,766 When I said that people in l.A. 188 00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:10,401 Are perfect and thin, 189 00:08:10,425 --> 00:08:12,937 I did not mean to imply that Everyone here is fat and ugly. 190 00:08:12,961 --> 00:08:14,305 No. Uh-uh. 191 00:08:14,329 --> 00:08:15,306 I just mean, people in l.A., 192 00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:17,609 They're abnormally thin, right? 193 00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:18,843 Everyone here is normal. 194 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,678 - ah. - they're healthy. 195 00:08:20,702 --> 00:08:23,080 Well, I don't know if I would use healthy. 196 00:08:23,104 --> 00:08:24,215 'cause, you know, There have been studies, 197 00:08:24,239 --> 00:08:26,418 And it's ver... Oh. 198 00:08:26,442 --> 00:08:28,352 What I mean to say is that, 199 00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:30,922 Here, you can relax, you know, 200 00:08:30,946 --> 00:08:34,492 And let yourself go. - okay. Okay. 201 00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:35,894 - you see it happening, 202 00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:38,062 But there's nothing You can do about it. 203 00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:40,965 - so you think we've Let ourselves go. 204 00:08:40,989 --> 00:08:42,033 - no. No, no, no. 205 00:08:42,057 --> 00:08:44,068 I meant that, here, 206 00:08:44,092 --> 00:08:45,370 Life is simpler. 207 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,871 It's like going back in time. 208 00:08:46,895 --> 00:08:48,539 - so we're backward. 209 00:08:48,563 --> 00:08:50,174 - no! No! 210 00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:52,410 Why aren't you Understanding this? 211 00:08:52,434 --> 00:08:54,746 - just simple, I guess. 212 00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:58,015 - I was wrong. She fixed it. 213 00:08:58,039 --> 00:09:01,586 - hey, how about we all have Some cuyahoga river punch? 214 00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:07,759 - that river hasn't Caught fire in 40 years. 215 00:09:07,783 --> 00:09:09,260 - I'm sorry. Let me explain. 216 00:09:09,284 --> 00:09:10,862 - oh, no, that's all right. 217 00:09:10,886 --> 00:09:12,530 I got a column to write. 218 00:09:12,554 --> 00:09:13,664 - no, no, I love cleveland. 219 00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:14,732 I love lebron. 220 00:09:14,756 --> 00:09:16,100 Or I don't. You tell me! 221 00:09:16,124 --> 00:09:19,059 Frankly, you guys are a Little wishy-washy on that one. 222 00:09:21,129 --> 00:09:23,274 - oh, it's a fabulous party. 223 00:09:23,298 --> 00:09:25,132 - oh, really. 224 00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:30,114 - what am I gonna do? 225 00:09:30,138 --> 00:09:31,249 - oh, stop worrying so much. 226 00:09:31,273 --> 00:09:32,284 Cleveland's a Rock and roll town. 227 00:09:32,308 --> 00:09:35,820 Lots of party end with fire. 228 00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:37,155 - I can't help but worry, 229 00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:38,456 'cause if rick is Writing the article 230 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,791 I think he's writing about me, 231 00:09:39,815 --> 00:09:41,058 The whole city's gonna hate me. 232 00:09:41,082 --> 00:09:43,202 - oh, just leave it Alone. It'll blow over. 233 00:09:44,753 --> 00:09:45,730 - I know what I have to do. 234 00:09:45,754 --> 00:09:47,198 I have to go across the street 235 00:09:47,222 --> 00:09:48,566 And talk to him. 236 00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:50,168 And he'll see that I'm a nice person, 237 00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:52,069 Because I'm sure he's A nice person, right? 238 00:09:52,093 --> 00:09:53,137 - right, because your plan 239 00:09:53,161 --> 00:09:55,273 Has worked so Well up to this point. 240 00:09:55,297 --> 00:09:56,808 - yeah, I know. 241 00:09:56,832 --> 00:09:57,909 That's why you're gonna Come over there and back me up. 242 00:09:57,933 --> 00:09:59,610 - well, why do I have to? 243 00:09:59,634 --> 00:10:02,569 You're the one who went All don rickles on cleveland. 244 00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:10,421 - where's victoria? I'm gonna need her too. 245 00:10:10,445 --> 00:10:12,379 - upstairs, trying on her pants. 246 00:10:14,449 --> 00:10:16,750 I don't think we want To interrupt that. 247 00:10:20,222 --> 00:10:21,399 - do you think He'll like the wine? 248 00:10:21,423 --> 00:10:22,501 Or does it seem pretentious? 249 00:10:22,525 --> 00:10:24,168 Should I have brought beer? 250 00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:25,570 Mm. Or is that insulting? 251 00:10:25,594 --> 00:10:27,271 Oh, god, is this From california? 252 00:10:27,295 --> 00:10:28,907 Do they make cleveland wine? 253 00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:31,510 - what did we say about Too many questions in a row? 254 00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:33,745 - I know. I'm doing It again, aren't I? 255 00:10:33,769 --> 00:10:34,746 What's wrong with me? 256 00:10:34,770 --> 00:10:37,081 What is it with Me and questions? 257 00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:38,950 - he's not home. We'll try again later. 258 00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,552 - wait, wait, no. I See his computer. 259 00:10:40,576 --> 00:10:41,886 It's got writing on it. 260 00:10:41,910 --> 00:10:44,088 It says, "Melanie moretti Is a horrible person." 261 00:10:44,112 --> 00:10:45,824 - how can you read That from here? 262 00:10:45,848 --> 00:10:46,991 - I just know. 263 00:10:47,015 --> 00:10:48,793 We have to sneak In there and read it. 264 00:10:48,817 --> 00:10:50,996 - what? - don't you see? 265 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:52,530 If it's not bad, 266 00:10:52,554 --> 00:10:53,898 Then I'll just relax. 267 00:10:53,922 --> 00:10:56,601 But if it's terrible, 268 00:10:56,625 --> 00:11:00,805 Someone who really cares About me could delete it. 269 00:11:00,829 --> 00:11:04,264 Wait. What's that noise? 270 00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:19,490 - I can't believe You left without me. 271 00:11:19,514 --> 00:11:21,359 - are you wearing Your diaper pants? 272 00:11:21,383 --> 00:11:23,761 - stop saying that. 273 00:11:23,785 --> 00:11:27,832 It is the mrs. Ladypant Beneficial dryness force. 274 00:11:27,856 --> 00:11:30,902 I have to wear it at least Once before I can legally say, 275 00:11:30,926 --> 00:11:33,693 "I feel as fresh as mt. Fuji." 276 00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:37,242 So are we breaking Into this place or what? 277 00:11:37,266 --> 00:11:39,177 - you don't even know Why we're breaking in. 278 00:11:39,201 --> 00:11:41,746 - well, I'm assuming it's either To read his column or delete it. 279 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:43,581 - see? - all right. 280 00:11:43,605 --> 00:11:46,539 - wait, you go first. You have padding. 281 00:11:49,311 --> 00:11:51,489 Oh, god, I can't look. 282 00:11:51,513 --> 00:11:52,591 What's it say? 283 00:11:52,615 --> 00:11:53,925 - oh, my god. - what? 284 00:11:53,949 --> 00:11:54,926 What? Is it bad? 285 00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:56,594 - oh, it's terrible. 286 00:11:56,618 --> 00:12:00,198 I mean, he doesn't Even mention me. 287 00:12:00,222 --> 00:12:01,633 - it's not bad at all. 288 00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:04,069 He just says I'm a Well-meaning klutz. 289 00:12:04,093 --> 00:12:07,906 - well, I guess that trumps Award-nominated actress. 290 00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:10,041 - I am so relieved. 291 00:12:10,065 --> 00:12:12,277 - then what are you doing? - changing my age, of course. 292 00:12:12,301 --> 00:12:14,311 - mm. - come on. Let's go. 293 00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:16,114 And don't leave any Smudges on the windowpanes. 294 00:12:16,138 --> 00:12:17,415 I don't want him to know Anybody's been here. 295 00:12:17,439 --> 00:12:20,873 Wait, wait, I think I can Still get away with 41. 296 00:12:26,381 --> 00:12:28,126 I can't believe We just did that. 297 00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:29,560 My heart is still pounding. 298 00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:30,594 - I know. I haven't Felt this excited 299 00:12:30,618 --> 00:12:31,996 About getting Away with something 300 00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:33,364 Since I convinced My fourth husband 301 00:12:33,388 --> 00:12:35,867 That I was still a virgin. 302 00:12:35,891 --> 00:12:38,269 I mean, that was some acting. 303 00:12:38,293 --> 00:12:40,604 - well, I say that we celebrate Now that it's all over. 304 00:12:40,628 --> 00:12:41,906 How about we open That bottle of wine 305 00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:43,508 You were gonna give to rick? 306 00:12:43,532 --> 00:12:44,608 - no. 307 00:12:44,632 --> 00:12:45,743 - okay. Something else. 308 00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:47,811 - no. I mean, it's still there. 309 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,914 I forgot to bring It out with me, 310 00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,082 And it's got a Note on it from me. 311 00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:52,150 He's gonna know I was there. 312 00:12:52,174 --> 00:12:53,918 - oh, great. Well, We better hurry. 313 00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:57,788 No! 314 00:12:57,812 --> 00:12:59,524 You make too much noise. 315 00:12:59,548 --> 00:13:00,624 Just text me if You see him coming. 316 00:13:00,648 --> 00:13:04,628 I'll be right back. Hey, elka. 317 00:13:04,652 --> 00:13:06,263 - hi, elka. Is that your dress? 318 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:09,033 - don't start with me. 319 00:13:09,057 --> 00:13:10,034 - what's wrong? 320 00:13:10,058 --> 00:13:11,335 - my hair. 321 00:13:11,359 --> 00:13:14,138 - oh. - I got a good look at myself 322 00:13:14,162 --> 00:13:15,339 In the dress shop. 323 00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:18,475 I look like little Orphan granny. 324 00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:20,444 Why didn't you say something? 325 00:13:20,468 --> 00:13:22,881 - well, to be fair, I did Say you looked like elmo, 326 00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:25,471 And I had a couple of good Bozo jokes at the ready too. 327 00:13:27,042 --> 00:13:30,021 - I'm not gonna even Go to that stupid prom. 328 00:13:30,045 --> 00:13:32,557 All the cool seniors Stay home anyway. 329 00:13:32,581 --> 00:13:33,891 - oh. 330 00:13:33,915 --> 00:13:37,795 Get back here, raggedy ann. 331 00:13:37,819 --> 00:13:39,463 Last one. 332 00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:42,366 You know, I'm not just An eyebrow expert. 333 00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:46,437 I'm good with all Kinds of unwanted hair. 334 00:13:46,461 --> 00:13:48,039 I can help you. 335 00:13:48,063 --> 00:13:52,643 - you're in cahoots with Fat-ass hag-ford, aren't you? 336 00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,745 - now you may not Realize this, elka, 337 00:13:54,769 --> 00:13:58,149 But we are in the Presence of a genius. 338 00:13:58,173 --> 00:14:00,317 Ill-tempered, Disagreeable, snarky, yes. 339 00:14:00,341 --> 00:14:03,520 But I would trust Her with my life, 340 00:14:03,544 --> 00:14:05,923 And more importantly, With my hair. 341 00:14:05,947 --> 00:14:09,427 - I know we can be Hard on each other, 342 00:14:09,451 --> 00:14:10,828 But you have my word. 343 00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:16,567 I will do whatever I can with that. 344 00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:17,968 And if it doesn't work, 345 00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,992 We can park you at The end of a runway. 346 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:24,197 All right, there was one more. 347 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,648 - okay. 348 00:14:30,672 --> 00:14:32,016 Let's do it, bones. 349 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,585 - I'm sorry. Who? 350 00:14:34,609 --> 00:14:37,243 - joy. - thank you. 351 00:14:39,347 --> 00:14:44,351 - bones. I said Bones, is what I said. 352 00:14:56,331 --> 00:14:58,932 - hello, melanie. 353 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:05,750 - oh, my, you have A beautiful home. 354 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:07,384 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 355 00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:08,586 - oh, not at all. 356 00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:11,055 I'm just not really Dressed for company. 357 00:15:11,079 --> 00:15:12,423 - oh, what are You talking about? 358 00:15:12,447 --> 00:15:13,457 You're dressed just fine. 359 00:15:13,481 --> 00:15:14,592 Very distinctive. 360 00:15:14,616 --> 00:15:16,160 I love a robe. 361 00:15:16,184 --> 00:15:18,362 - oh. Thank you. 362 00:15:18,386 --> 00:15:20,898 So... - oh, so, rick, 363 00:15:20,922 --> 00:15:25,269 Um, I just wanted To see you again. 364 00:15:25,293 --> 00:15:27,105 - really? - yeah, yeah. 365 00:15:27,129 --> 00:15:29,640 'cause you know, there Was tension between us 366 00:15:29,664 --> 00:15:31,276 Earlier in the day. 367 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:34,011 - you felt it too? 368 00:15:34,035 --> 00:15:35,679 - I got to say, it Was pretty obvious. 369 00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,949 And then I got all Flustered, and I made it worse. 370 00:15:37,973 --> 00:15:42,720 - well, you're not Flustered now. 371 00:15:42,744 --> 00:15:44,689 - nope. 'cause we're neighbors. 372 00:15:44,713 --> 00:15:46,958 Maybe even more than Neighbors. We're friends, right? 373 00:15:46,982 --> 00:15:50,027 - I hope so. 374 00:15:50,051 --> 00:15:52,964 - wow. Quite a Swordfish you got there. 375 00:15:52,988 --> 00:15:56,267 - oh, thank you. It's A sailfish actually. 376 00:15:56,291 --> 00:15:58,068 Took me three hours to land him. 377 00:15:58,092 --> 00:16:00,337 Boy, I loved every second. 378 00:16:00,361 --> 00:16:02,072 You know, there's just Something about the struggle 379 00:16:02,096 --> 00:16:04,408 Of man against beast That, I don't know, 380 00:16:04,432 --> 00:16:06,777 I guess the only word For it would be primal. 381 00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:10,147 - ohh! 382 00:16:10,171 --> 00:16:12,916 - something catch your interest? 383 00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:16,821 - I was admiring your balls. 384 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:21,259 - really? That's refreshing. 385 00:16:21,283 --> 00:16:23,661 Most women aren't Interested in my balls. 386 00:16:23,685 --> 00:16:28,921 Go ahead. Touch them. 387 00:16:33,094 --> 00:16:35,473 - wow. Smooth. 388 00:16:35,497 --> 00:16:39,109 - they're shellacked. - oh, well. 389 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:40,645 - is that a bottle of wine? 390 00:16:40,669 --> 00:16:44,181 - oh, yes, yes, it's sort Of a peace offering. 391 00:16:44,205 --> 00:16:45,683 - oh. I didn't notice it before. 392 00:16:45,707 --> 00:16:47,952 - well, I was waiting For the right moment. 393 00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:50,187 And now it's here. Here. 394 00:16:50,211 --> 00:16:52,222 - oh. Look. Why don't I get some glasses 395 00:16:52,246 --> 00:16:53,423 And you make Yourself comfortable? 396 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:54,825 - that would be lovely. 397 00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:58,295 - I'm so glad you came over. 398 00:16:58,319 --> 00:16:59,831 I knew I'd see you again. 399 00:16:59,855 --> 00:17:01,265 I just didn't think it Would be this soon. 400 00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:04,134 - really? I was afraid You didn't like me. 401 00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:08,039 - oh, I like you. 402 00:17:08,063 --> 00:17:11,330 I like you a lot. 403 00:17:13,801 --> 00:17:15,279 - you know what, um, 404 00:17:15,303 --> 00:17:16,314 I don't need the wine. 405 00:17:16,338 --> 00:17:17,348 I'm ready to go now. 406 00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:18,905 - as am I. 407 00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:30,094 - I don't think it's gonna be a Very nice article after all. 408 00:17:30,118 --> 00:17:32,397 - oh, my god. What happened? 409 00:17:32,421 --> 00:17:34,065 - let's just say there Are worse things 410 00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,468 Than not having people like you. 411 00:17:36,492 --> 00:17:37,669 Where's joy? 412 00:17:37,693 --> 00:17:40,071 - helping elka get Ready for prom. 413 00:17:40,095 --> 00:17:42,196 - really? Joy? 414 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,678 - how is she? 415 00:17:46,702 --> 00:17:48,413 - well, it was touch And go for a minute. 416 00:17:48,437 --> 00:17:50,315 Almost had to use A local anesthetic, 417 00:17:50,339 --> 00:17:52,150 But she'll make it. 418 00:17:54,443 --> 00:17:55,721 - that's max. 419 00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:57,522 I'm not ready! 420 00:17:57,546 --> 00:18:00,091 - oh, max, 421 00:18:00,115 --> 00:18:01,326 You look so handsome. 422 00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:03,262 - when I wear the suit, 423 00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:04,763 I feel ten years younger. 424 00:18:04,787 --> 00:18:07,599 Which is still 20 years Older than I'd like to be. 425 00:18:07,623 --> 00:18:09,568 - please come in. 426 00:18:09,592 --> 00:18:10,569 - hey, max. - hello. 427 00:18:10,593 --> 00:18:13,005 - hi. - is everybody ready? 428 00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:14,105 - yes, yes. - yes. 429 00:18:14,129 --> 00:18:19,011 - oh, my gosh. 430 00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:21,446 You are breathtaking. 431 00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:25,150 Which, at my age, is dangerous. 432 00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:28,520 - max, my eyes are up here. 433 00:18:28,544 --> 00:18:30,322 - just taking it all in. 434 00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:34,493 You are gonna be Prom queen for sure. 435 00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,361 - why, thank you. 436 00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:38,030 Not agnes bratford? 437 00:18:38,054 --> 00:18:40,321 - you mean hagnes fatford? 438 00:18:41,891 --> 00:18:44,369 - max, that's terrible. 439 00:18:44,393 --> 00:18:47,805 - shall we? 440 00:18:47,829 --> 00:18:48,841 - thanks for your help. 441 00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:50,843 It was nothing. 442 00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:52,845 And I hope this marks A turning point in our... 443 00:18:52,869 --> 00:18:54,880 - you fixed my hair. Let's not go crazy. 444 00:18:54,904 --> 00:18:57,015 - she's all yours. 445 00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:58,149 - thank you. 446 00:18:58,173 --> 00:19:00,741 - plan to fix your Own breakfast. 447 00:19:04,949 --> 00:19:06,325 - he didn't change his column. 448 00:19:06,349 --> 00:19:08,695 You're still a well-meaning Klutz who's only 41. 449 00:19:08,719 --> 00:19:11,798 - ugh! Should have tried for 39. 450 00:19:11,822 --> 00:19:14,200 - okay, take everything You used to think 451 00:19:14,224 --> 00:19:16,402 About beneficial Dryness force products 452 00:19:16,426 --> 00:19:17,571 And throw it away. 453 00:19:17,595 --> 00:19:20,595 - okay. Done. 454 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,367 - I feel as fresh as mt. Fuji. 455 00:19:29,873 --> 00:19:31,818 Dry for my lifetime 456 00:19:31,842 --> 00:19:33,819 Like a monk. 457 00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:35,154 Is it the water? 458 00:19:35,178 --> 00:19:38,591 Or is it the day? 459 00:19:38,615 --> 00:19:40,359 For relaxing times, 460 00:19:40,383 --> 00:19:42,261 Make it ladypant time. 461 00:19:42,285 --> 00:19:44,463 Ozawa industrial brothers, 462 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,621 You are the friend in my pants. 463 00:19:55,499 --> 00:19:57,544 It wasn't my classiest endeavor. 464 00:19:57,568 --> 00:20:00,480 But just remember, It's only airing in japan. 465 00:20:00,504 --> 00:20:02,748 Oh, thank god. 466 00:20:02,772 --> 00:20:04,717 - is that victoria chase? 467 00:20:04,741 --> 00:20:06,252 - it's probably my agent, 468 00:20:06,276 --> 00:20:09,388 Calling to blow smoke Up my... Well, you know. 469 00:20:09,412 --> 00:20:12,625 - oh, my god. Is That victoria chase? 470 00:20:12,649 --> 00:20:14,294 - when do we tell her It's all over the internet? 471 00:20:14,318 --> 00:20:17,197 - oh, I know. I saw it too. 472 00:20:17,221 --> 00:20:19,721 - I posted it. 33253

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