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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,520 [♪ theme music playing] 2 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,480 [brakes screech] 3 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:38,800 Pissing hell! 4 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,000 -Um, hi, Dad. -Pissing bloody hell! 5 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,320 -Driving without a top now, are we? -What? 6 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,560 Are you on the run or something? 7 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,960 I tell you, if your mum makes me go round to her mother's again, 8 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,800 -I'll bleedin' hang myself! -Ooh, can I watch? 9 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,640 Three times I've been to your grandma's this evening! 10 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,280 Three times! First, she leaves her purse here. 11 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,120 Off I go. Then she remembers she's left her gloves. Off I go again. 12 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,120 -And now this time, her bum medicine. -Sorry? 13 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,120 Why your mother can't send your bloody brother! 14 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,000 -He's been here all week. -All week! 15 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,560 I thought it was one night. 16 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,960 -Aren't you cold? -What? 17 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,880 No, my nipples are roasting. 18 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,120 -Roast nipples. -This helps a little, though. 19 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,200 -Uh... -Frozen cod. 20 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,280 [exhales] 21 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,320 -Go away! -Oh, my God! 22 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,440 -Why didn't you ring the bell? -I told you we should do it upstairs! 23 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,080 -Were you cutting his toenails? -No! 24 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,160 Yes, you were! 25 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,840 Why are you cutting Pusface's toenails? 26 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,360 -She's not! -Keep still. 27 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,800 -[groans] There's bits everywhere! -Just go away. 28 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,720 So, this is what happens when you stay at Mum and Dad's, is it? 29 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,080 -You're such a dick! -And look at his little pyjamas! 30 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,400 -Don't be cruel. -And his little slippers! 31 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,840 Leave my slip-slips! 32 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,480 -Your slip-slips? -Stop it, Jonathan. He's frail. 33 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,120 -Is he? -Ow! 34 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,560 -Oh, yes! -Jonny! 35 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,440 -So, how is little Lord Bubbins? -Still not better, actually. 36 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,200 Aw, your tonsil-wonsils still giving you trouble-wubble? 37 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,320 -Mummy! -Err, "Mummy"? 38 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,880 -Jackie, I've fixed the shower pipes. -Wonderful. 39 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,400 Get Adam his glass of water, will you? 40 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,200 Yes, Your bleedin' Highness. 41 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,840 Dad, Mum's been cutting Adam's toenails! 42 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,240 -Tell me about it! -Can anyone smell fish? 43 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:17,880 Fish? 44 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:19,600 [Jonny] There you go, Pusface. 45 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,760 -Thank you. -Ooh, one sec. 46 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:23,800 -Wedgie! -Ow! 47 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,160 Jonny, you'll tear them! You'll tear them! 48 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,400 -Bastard! -Jonathan. Horrible! 49 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,280 -Dad. Dad? -Mm? 50 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,360 -How long's that been going on? -What? 51 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,480 You know, that. Mummy and baby. 52 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:38,840 Oh. Mummy and baby the whole bloody week! 53 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,000 -God! -Yeah, God. 54 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,800 Every morning she makes him breakfast in bed. 55 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,880 Three boiled eggs, he gets. That's 15 eggs. 56 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,160 That is quite a lot of eggs. 57 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,760 And then he lies around in his pyjamas 58 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,320 -eating meringues all bloody day. -Meringues? 59 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,640 And I'm the one who has to clean up after him. 60 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,240 That's if I'm not at your grandma's, 61 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,120 -ferrying around her bum medicine. -Bum medicine! 62 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,360 Are you getting him his drink? He's thirsty! 63 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,720 -Sorry? -Oh, Martin! 64 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,480 Oh, and I forgot, my mother called. 65 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,760 She left her glasses here. Could you drop them round? 66 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,960 Right! That's it! 67 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,880 If that bloody woman wants her glasses, 68 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,520 she can get off her stupid fat arse and get them herself. 69 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,760 Martin, that's my mother you're talking about! 70 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,560 -Then why don't you go round then? -You know why I can't go round. 71 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,600 I'm looking after my baby. Here, Bobble. 72 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,240 -Thanks, Mum. -So not ill. 73 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,560 Jackie, I am telling you, I am not getting in my car 74 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,160 for one more second this evening. Do you hear me? 75 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,080 One more second! 76 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,960 -I think he might have meant that. -Martin! 77 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,120 And where are you going with all those pipes? 78 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,360 I'll tell you where I'm going. To shove them up my bottom. 79 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,320 -You asked him! -Incredible! 80 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,240 Okay, then, Pusface. What's going on? 81 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,080 -Get off! -[laughs] 82 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,320 Lying around in your pyjamas, wearing your slip-slips. 83 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,400 Ow! Stop doing that! 84 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,000 -Oh, come on! You're not still ill. -I am! 85 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,280 It's my tonsils. 86 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,920 Well, then, maybe what you need is a good old wedgie! 87 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,680 -Ow! Jonny! -Better now? 88 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,040 Right! 89 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,680 Mm! Crunchy! 90 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,880 -No, Mum, he hasn't left quite yet. -[mouthing] 91 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,000 -Don't worry, he'll drop them round later. -I bleedin' well won't! 92 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,440 Shh! Okay, Mum. Love you. 93 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,000 Martin, you know my mother can't see without her glasses! 94 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,640 Do you want her to fall and break her legs? 95 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,120 Could she do her arms as well? 96 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,720 -Maybe you should go, Jonny. -Okay, Mum. 97 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,600 See? Your younger son has a heart. 98 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:44,720 -One slight problem. -What? 99 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,000 I don't have my car. 100 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,400 -[sighs] Well, take your dad's car, then. -What? He's not crashing my car again. 101 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,160 -Okay, take Adam's. -He's not crashing my car again! 102 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,240 [groans] 103 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,880 -Seriously, why can't Pusface go? -Me? 104 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,800 -You know why! He's frail. -Is he? 105 00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:59,400 -Ow! -Oh, yes. 106 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,960 -Martin, please take my mother's glasses. -Oh, Jackie. 107 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,760 Oh, God! Then I'll have to do it later, won't I? 108 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:05,880 Yes, you will. 109 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,040 As if I don't have enough to do, caring for our poor baby. 110 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,560 Uh, can we maybe eat? 111 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,600 Mmm, squirrel! 112 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,480 Ah, ah, ah! 113 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,120 The patient first. 114 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,760 -Some chicken for Bobble. -Thanks, Mum. 115 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,800 -Mmm. A little more, maybe? -Thanks, Mum. 116 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,720 Some potatoes... 117 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,160 -Thanks, Mum. -Mm. 118 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,000 -And a couple more... -Jackie! 119 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,280 Thanks, Mum. 120 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000 -Vegetables... -Thanks, Mummy. 121 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,720 Oops. 122 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,160 -One more potato. -Mum! 123 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,480 Bleedin' 'ell! 124 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,160 Jonny. 125 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,000 Is that it? 126 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,120 Martin, you can have the rest. 127 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:05,560 Huh? 128 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,880 -Mum, you forgot my... -Oh, your Ribena! Oh, sorry, Bobble. 129 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,000 Thanks, Mum. No ice! 130 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,000 What? 131 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,680 No, Dad. 132 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,960 -Give it! -Get off! 133 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,840 -Give me some! -Mum! 134 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,920 -Mummy! -Martin! 135 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,520 -I told you not to do that! -Jackie! 136 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:38,960 You mean he's done that before? 137 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,320 Taking food out of your starving son's mouth! Oh! 138 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,240 Are you all right, Bobble? 139 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,480 -[Adam] I think so, Mummy. -[Jackie] Aw! 140 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,080 Sorry, am I now in some kind of cult or something? 141 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,320 -Oh, just eat your food, both of you. -I already have! 142 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:54,960 [sighs] Here. 143 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,520 Your Ribena, Bobble. 144 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:58,800 -Thanks, Mummy. -[doorbell rings] 145 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,560 -Oh, who's that? -Adam's nappy delivery? 146 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,560 -Ha-ha. -And Martin... 147 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,360 Leave! 148 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,160 No, Dad! 149 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,840 -Oh, hi, Jim. -[Jim] Hello, Jackie. 150 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,080 -You look nice! -Um, thanks, Jim. 151 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,760 -Not the greatest of times... -Isn't it? 152 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,480 "Dear Jim, congratulations on passing your driving test. 153 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,480 Love, Wilson." 154 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,080 -Oh! -Clever Wilson! 155 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,000 So, did you pass first time? 156 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,480 -15th. -Well, that's not too-- 157 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,800 Last time, I drove into a reservoir. 158 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,600 -Right. -How do you like my new car, Jackie? 159 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,320 All it needed was a dab of paint. 160 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,080 Hi, Jim. 161 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,280 What are you doing here with your plate? No, Martin! 162 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,680 Look at the boy in his little pyjamas! 163 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,720 Jim passed his driving test, everyone! 164 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:02,920 [all] Oh. 165 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,040 -What, first time? -15th. 166 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,200 Well, must get on with dinner. 167 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,560 -Yes, my celebration dinner. -Our family dinner. 168 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,560 Family dinner to celebrate Jim's success! 169 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,200 Um, no. 170 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,520 Jim's allowed to drive? 171 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,520 That's me never crossing the road again! 172 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,520 Well, maybe you could ask Jim to drop round your mother's stupid glasses. 173 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,720 What, and crash through her living room, and kill her stone dead? 174 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,200 Ooh, I hadn't thought of that! 175 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,200 [gears grinding] 176 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,920 -What's that-- -[doorbell rings] 177 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,640 [sighs] What now? 178 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,960 [Jonny] Adam's nappies have arrived? 179 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,480 The car, it's not really going where I want it to go. 180 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,440 And is Lord Bubbins 181 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,240 planning on finishing his evening meal sometime this century? 182 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,800 -What? -How that man passed his test! 183 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,640 He couldn't even remember what the steering wheel was for! 184 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,240 -Oh, no! What is in my mouth? -What do you think is in your mouth? 185 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,360 Boys. 186 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,000 Oh, my God! 187 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,320 Oh! 188 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,520 -Jonathan! -[Martin laughs] 189 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,640 Toenails? That's disgusting! 190 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,880 -I can't believe you, Jonathan! -[Martin continues laughing] 191 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,720 -Me? -It's not funny, Martin! 192 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,320 -Oh, look, he's all wet! -I'm all wet. 193 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,520 Gone right through to his chest! [groans] 194 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,320 -I don't believe this. -Believe it! 195 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,600 What is wrong with you tonight? Can you just calm down? 196 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,880 Me calm down? 197 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,360 Why don't you go upstairs, put your pyjamas on? 198 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,960 -Put my pyjamas on? -Yes. It'll calm you down. 199 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,240 Go on, Pissface. Put your pyjamas on. 200 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,120 Shut up! Why would I want to put my pyjamas on? 201 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,120 'Cause you'll be all nice and cozy. 202 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,000 I don't want to be nice and cozy! 203 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,840 Oh, my two little babies in their pyjamas! 204 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,120 Can I put my pyjamas on? 205 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,680 Go and take the glasses back to my mother! 206 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,320 Oh, shit-head shit! 207 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,640 Oh, go on, Jonnyboo. 208 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,240 -Mum! -Do it for Mummy. 209 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,040 -Please! -Jonnyboo! 210 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,120 Jonnyboo. 211 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,680 Okay, that's it. I'm getting out of here. 212 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:02,880 -[Jackie] What? -[Jonny] Yeah. 213 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:03,960 Goodbye! 214 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,840 -Can I come with? -I'll take these bloody glasses 215 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,600 -back to Grandma myself! -Sit down! 216 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,040 -Pusface, I'm taking your car. -Uh, no, you're not! 217 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,800 -Uh, yes, I am! -Oh, give them back! 218 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:13,880 Jonathan! 219 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,280 -Bye, everyone! -Jonny! 220 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,040 Well, come on, Martin! 221 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,560 [Jackie] It's Friday night! 222 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,400 [arguing indistinctly in hallway] 223 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,280 Fools! 224 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,000 Go back in there and finish your food! 225 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,360 Uh what food? Come on, Adam. You're coming with me. 226 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,840 -Am I? -Don't listen to him, Adam. 227 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,960 Yep, you're coming to Grandma's. Let's go. 228 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,280 -Mum! -Martin! 229 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,960 -But I'm in my pyjamas! -So? It'll be a laugh. 230 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,840 -Martin! -Come on, Adam! 231 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:44,960 [Jackie] No! 232 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,280 -Jonny, let go of him! -You let go of him! 233 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,400 Get off me! 234 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,560 Adam, if you stay in this house any longer, you will die! 235 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,680 Don't listen to him, Bobble. Stay here with Mummy. 236 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,320 -Uh... -Seriously, Adam! 237 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,200 -Martin! -What? 238 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,400 Come on! 239 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,880 -Adam! -Sorry, Mum! 240 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,960 [Martin and Jackie arguing indistinctly] 241 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,400 Oh, my God. 242 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,520 I'm... I'm outside the house! 243 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,360 The death cult? Let's go. 244 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,760 -Oh, no, not again! -What? 245 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,160 -Why does it never work? -Because it's a piece of shit. 246 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,040 The central locking. It keeps bloody... 247 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,960 -[car chirps and unlocks] --Oh, finally! 248 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,280 Yes. Finally. 249 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,960 Another wedgie! 250 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,080 Ow! You're tearing them! 251 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,400 [Jonny laughs] 252 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,400 Can you please stop doing that! 253 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,440 -Doing what? -You're such a knob. 254 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,160 -You're a knob. -You're a knob. 255 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,080 -You're a knob. -Knob! 256 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,200 Knob! 257 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,000 Maybe I should just go back in. 258 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,720 Sorry, but what the hell has happened to you? 259 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,640 -What? -You've been here one week, 260 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,240 and just look at what you've become. 261 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,480 You just don't get it, do you? 262 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,040 No, I don't get it. 263 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,720 Okay. I thought it would be hell here, too. 264 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,360 I thought I'd stay one night max. You know, while I was feeling all crap. 265 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,560 -Right. -But then the milky drinks, 266 00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,080 -the hot water bottles. -Hot water bottles? 267 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,840 The meringues! Mummy makes so many meringues! 268 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,960 Okay, no more "Mummy", all right? 269 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,720 -No more "Mummy". -Okay, no more "Mummy". 270 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,200 [engine starts] 271 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,040 Wait! 272 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,280 [groans] 273 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,560 Here's your coat, Bobble. 274 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,600 -Oh, great! -And a banana. 275 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,680 Thanks, Mummy! 276 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,160 [Jonny] Are you sure you'll be okay getting out, 277 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,480 or would you like me to carry you? 278 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:29,560 Very good! 279 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,120 Oh, really? 280 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,240 Promise me we can just push your car off a bridge later. 281 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,640 -Oh, my coat. -Or set it on fire. 282 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,680 Bloody hell! 283 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,560 -What? -Where are my keys? 284 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,760 -Oh, don't say I've... -...locked the keys in the... 285 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,000 -Shit! -You idiot! 286 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,600 Now what are we gonna do? 287 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,200 -I know. -What? 288 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,800 Wedgie! 289 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,840 -Ow! Jonny! -[cheers] 290 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:04,120 -[giggles] Oh, my God! -You bloody shit! 291 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,000 [laughing] I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 292 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,640 Well, give me my trousers! Give me my trousers! 293 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,800 -You mean these? -Shit! 294 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,240 Shit! 295 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,120 Why weren't you wearing any pants underneath? 296 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,080 'Cause I'm in my pyjamas. You don't wear pants with pyjamas! 297 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,880 -Don't you? I do. -How is this happening? 298 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,840 You massive turd! 299 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:24,920 [laughing] 300 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,760 -It's not funny! -It is from where I'm standing! 301 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,120 -Jesus! -Sorry, I've got to take a photo. 302 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,320 Jonny! 303 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,080 Oh, not my phone! 304 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,760 Who cares about your bloody phone? 305 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,120 Oh, just give me your trousers. 306 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:38,760 My trousers? 307 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,520 -Just give them to me! -Get off! 308 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,240 -I'm not giving you my trousers! -Come on, let's just go to Grandma's. 309 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,320 Go to Grandma's? What, with my arse hanging out? 310 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,120 [laughs] Not forgetting your bollocks! 311 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,640 Oh, God! 312 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,480 Come on. She'll have something for you to wear. 313 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,080 Like what, exactly? 314 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,280 I don't know. A nice old pair of knickers! 315 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,600 I can't believe this! 316 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,240 [Jonny chortles] 317 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,280 Oh, meow! That's it, sexy! 318 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,760 -It's not funny! -Oh, it is funny! 319 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,800 [Jonny laughing] 320 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:11,880 Come on, Grandma! 321 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,120 -It is a good look, though. -Oh, shut up! 322 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,880 I'm so cold! 323 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,800 -Adam, I think she's out. -How could she be out? 324 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,160 Grandma! 325 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,760 Grandma! 326 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,960 -She knew we were coming. -Yeah. 327 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,520 -We come all this way and she just-- -Right. Give me your shirt. 328 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:30,760 What? 329 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,000 Give me your shirt. I'll wrap it around me. 330 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,440 You've got a top on, use that. 331 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,360 Uh, then I'll be basically naked. 332 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,720 -You're basically naked now, so-- -Jonny! 333 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,080 No way, I'll freeze! 334 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,440 I'll rub my penis on you! 335 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,800 -What? -I will! 336 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,680 I'll rub my penis on you, and my balls. 337 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,600 -Adam! -I'll do it. 338 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,720 I mean it. 339 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,240 -Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! -Take it! Take it! 340 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,720 -Oh, bloody hell! -Thank you. 341 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:03,720 You're sick! 342 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,280 God, it's cold. 343 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,640 There! 344 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,040 -Nice skirt! -Thanks. 345 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,640 Oh, God! 346 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,200 Okay. Let's go next door. 347 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,120 Ask them if we can use their phone to call Mummy. 348 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,080 For the last crapping time, it is "Mum", not "Mummy"! 349 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,160 All right! 350 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,720 Are we really gonna ring the bell? 351 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,880 What else can we do? Just ring the bell. 352 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,920 Adam, I don't think you should have rung the bell. 353 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,000 -[woman] Just a minute. -But you said I should ring it! 354 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,080 Oh, someone's coming! 355 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,520 Um, excuse me, but can we please use your telephone? 356 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,760 [woman] Um... 357 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,680 We haven't come to attack you! 358 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,920 [screaming loudly] 359 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,960 -And now we run. -Yep! 360 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,000 [woman] Somebody call the police! 361 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,200 Somebody call the police! 362 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,000 [horn tooting] 363 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,560 Yes, we know! 364 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,280 No phone. No money. 365 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,040 Stupid Grandma and her stupid glasses. 366 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,000 Maybe it would be good to get arrested. 367 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,600 At least we'd get given some sort of gown or something. 368 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,160 -Do the police give you gowns? -I can't feel my face! 369 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,040 Is there such a thing as a police gown? 370 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,120 Seriously, where is this stupid shop? 371 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,760 I thought it was down here. It's somewhere down here. 372 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,840 Please stop for us! We're nice boys. 373 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:29,960 [horn tooting] 374 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,360 I believe that's called soliciting! 375 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,080 -Hey, that's Jim! That's Jim's car! -What? 376 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,640 Jim! Jim! 377 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,640 Jim! Jim! 378 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,760 I know you've just passed your test, Jim, 379 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,360 but if you could possibly drive a little faster? 380 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:55,200 -Faster? I'm already going at... -22 miles an hour! 381 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,480 We don't want the car to overheat and suddenly explode, do we, Wilson? 382 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,200 And you definitely don't have your phone? 383 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,400 No, 'cause Wilson did his bottom things on it, 384 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,240 -so I put it in a pond. -Fantastic! 385 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,400 [Wilson whines] 386 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,000 Hang on, this isn't the turning for the motorway, is it? 387 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,400 Oh, dear! 388 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,000 Never driven on the motorway before! 389 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,400 [Jim] Hold tight, Wilson! 390 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,840 Fifty miles away? 391 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,080 -Martin. -What? 392 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,640 You know you said you wouldn't get in your car again... 393 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:33,840 Hmm? 394 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,800 -[Martin] Oh, shitting hell! -[Jackie] Martin! 395 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,400 -Your dad's on his way. -Yep. All right. Bye, Mum. 396 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,040 Um, thanks for the phone. 397 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,880 Sorry again we can't give you anything. 398 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,920 -What's that? -You know, for the phone. 399 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,240 -[men wolf-whistle] -Yes! 400 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,960 Yep. Sorry we can't give you anything. 401 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,520 What about your slippers? 402 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,600 -My slippers? -You mean his slip-slips? 403 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,320 Ah! Ooh! 404 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,760 Bloody idiots! 405 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,800 Oh, did you get hot, as well? 406 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,680 Yes, Dad. Roasting! 407 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,400 Right. Let's go. 408 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,440 -[crunching] -Oh, dear! 409 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,520 What? 410 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,680 Were these anyone's? 411 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,680 Oh, look at you, Adam! 412 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,880 -Oh! -Him? What about me? 413 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,480 No more shitting car. 414 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,520 My poor Bobble! Put these on. 415 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,880 -Thanks, Mummy! -What about me? 416 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,080 Sorry? 417 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,400 You said you didn't want to wear any pyjamas, remember? 418 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,240 -But... -Aw, do you really think 419 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,760 I'd let my other little Bobble freeze to death? 420 00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,120 Thanks, Mum. 421 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:00,840 Mummy. 422 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,720 Here. 423 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,360 Jonnyboo! [smooches] 424 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,720 Oh, my poor boys! 425 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:08,960 [clears throat] 426 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,440 -What? -Mummy... 427 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,480 Please don't call me that. 428 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,240 Thanks, love! 429 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,160 Mummy... 430 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,560 -Goodbye, Jim. -Bye-bye, Mummy. 431 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,240 -Jackie. -Mummy! 432 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,600 -[Wilson barking] -Wilson! Wilson! 433 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,520 Oh, Mum. Um, Grandma's glasses. 434 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,560 Don't worry. She called. She found her spare pair anyway. 435 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,680 [Adam and Jonny] What? 436 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,960 Yeah. She couldn't answer the door when you came round 437 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,920 'cause she was a bit busy. 438 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,960 Oh! She was "busy", was she? 439 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,440 Well, she was in the bathroom with her tights round her ankles, 440 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:44,720 bending over a mirror. 441 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,600 Sorry? 442 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,480 Bum medicine. 443 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,680 -There's your hot milk. -Oh, thanks, Mum. 444 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,640 -Your hot chocolate. -Thanks, Mum! 445 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,400 Martin, here's your disgusting hot beer drink. 446 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,600 Lovely! 447 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,200 Oh, my little babies! 448 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,240 Have your meringues. 449 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,080 Ooh, meringues! 450 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,920 -Do you get it now? -Oh, I get it! 451 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,480 -[doorbell rings] -Mm! Hot beer and meringues! 452 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,160 [Jackie] Coming! 453 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,000 [sighs] 454 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,840 [♪ theme music playing] 32321

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