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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,520
[♪ theme music playing]
2
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,760
[car lock chirps]
3
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,000
Hooray, my hero!
4
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,600
-[kisses]
-Hey, Mum.
5
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:41,880
[chuckles]
6
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,520
Congratulations, bambino.
7
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,720
-What do you think?
-Hmm!
8
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,280
Oh, Bobble, I'm so proud.
9
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,560
Has your favorite son
ever let you down?
10
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,360
-Is that it?
-Yep.
11
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,480
Go on, show me, show me.
12
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,480
It's not the best-looking
award, but...
13
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,080
-Christ!
-Martin!
14
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,400
-Oh, it's beautiful.
-Really?
15
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,160
-What is it?
-It's meant to be an ear on legs.
16
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,200
-An ear on legs?
-You know, music award, an ear.
17
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,840
I thought it was some kind of tumor.
18
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,520
-Thanks!
-And you won that for shaving foam?
19
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,880
[sighs] Writing the music for an advert
for shaving foam, yes.
20
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,160
-Your first award!
-Shaving foam for ears?
21
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,040
-What?
-Martin, go and get the champagne.
22
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,080
-The proper stuff or the cheap stuff?
-Thank you!
23
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,480
-The proper stuff.
-It's, like, 90p a gulp!
24
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,640
Go away.
25
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,880
-Ninety-bloody-p!
-I want to show you something.
26
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,600
-Oh, hello, dolly.
-Oh, hi, Grandma.
27
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,520
-Are you all right now, Mum?
-[Grandma] Yeah.
28
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,400
Mazel tov
on your shaving foam award!
29
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,560
Um... Thanks.
30
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,360
Oh, dear. I think I need the loo again.
31
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,760
-Tummy.
-Right.
32
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,120
Oh, an ovary! [chuckles]
33
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,120
-Ta-da! What do you think?
-Amazing, Mum.
34
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,120
And I've made your favorite meal
in the whole wide world.
35
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,600
-Beef?
-Yeah, and profiteroles.
36
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,640
Yes! Not on the same plate, though?
37
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,200
No, all mushed-up in a bucket! [laughs]
38
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,640
Now, where's that bowl?
Oh, I'm so proud of you, Bobble.
39
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,360
-What are you--
-Dad made that, did he?
40
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,160
[laughs sarcastically] How did you guess?
41
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,960
And the rabbits?
42
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,640
[Jackie] Yeah, I wondered about them.
43
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:24,240
-Martin, what are the--
-It's actually 93p a gulp.
44
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,800
-Maths.
-What are all the rabbits?
45
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,000
-Oh, 'cause he used to keep rabbits.
-Uh... No, I didn't.
46
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,440
-No, he didn't.
-Oh, no, I used to keep rabbits.
47
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,760
So easy to confuse yourself
with your own son.
48
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,280
Yeah, I don't remember them much,
49
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:40,120
but I know one of them went under a lorry,
and my mother cooked it with potatoes.
50
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,400
-Flopsy.
-[doorbell rings]
51
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,920
Ooh, Jonny-boo's back from America!
Whoo-hoo!
52
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,800
It tasted of road.
53
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,280
[sings] ♪ From Las Vegas to London ♪
54
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,800
Hi, Mum. These are for you.
55
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,000
Oh, they're gorgeous! Come in.
56
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,040
-[Adam] All right, piss face?
-Bambino.
57
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,120
Well, come in, then.
58
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,840
Um... I'd like you to meet someone.
59
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,680
[sings] ♪ She steps out of the moonlight ♪
60
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,200
-[laughs]
-Oh, hello.
61
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,560
-Hi there. I'm Lisa.
-Yeah, this is Lisa.
62
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,360
-Uh... Hi, Lisa.
-Hi.
63
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,120
We met in Vegas and...
64
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:23,600
-Well...
-[both laughing]
65
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,360
-I'm not a stripper!
-[laughing]
66
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,360
-Who is she?
-Not a stripper.
67
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,320
[clears throat] Do come in.
68
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,960
I hope you don't mind me
crashing your whole...
69
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,840
get-together thang. [chuckles]
70
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,680
-I'm sorry?
-Is it okay if Lisa eats with us tonight?
71
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,880
What? Oh, of course.
There's more than enough to go round.
72
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,520
Thanks. Cool house.
73
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,160
So, are you Jonny's female?
74
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,840
-His...
-Female.
75
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,600
Wait, how did you know?
76
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,320
How do we know what?
77
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,440
-[Martin] That's for Adam.
-That we got married.
78
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,120
What?
79
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,880
-Married?
-Um...
80
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,240
-They're married?
-[Jackie] Married?
81
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,760
Did you just say you got married?
82
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:03,960
Someone get married?
83
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,280
Oh, hi, Grandma.
84
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,080
-Shall we go through, then?
-You got married...
85
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,440
and you didn't tell your mother?
86
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,360
We were going to tell you later.
87
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:12,840
Later?
88
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,960
Yeah, well, you know,
it was Vegas and...
89
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,240
[both laughing]
90
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,480
[laughing]
91
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,680
Mum!
92
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,800
Kind of like you said,
only this bit took way longer.
93
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,560
-[knocks on door]
-Will you let us in, please?
94
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,000
Mum!
95
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,720
What do you mean, you got married?
96
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,200
Oh, by the way, I'm Adam,
your new brother-in-law.
97
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,760
-Hi.
-Do you understand the word "married"?
98
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,440
I thought you were on a stag weekend.
99
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,720
I was, but then, you know,
this happened.
100
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,800
-"This."
-Oh, what a romantic!
101
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,120
Oi! What the hell are you doing,
102
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,320
getting married
without telling your mother?
103
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,440
Um... She's not my mother.
104
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,320
Sorry, I don't know why
I was looking at you then.
105
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,560
What the hell are you doing,
106
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,280
getting married without telling
your mother?
107
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:58,960
I don't have to tell Mum everything.
108
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,280
-You do.
-He does.
109
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,880
Well, thank you very much.
Now I'm the one
110
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,840
-in bloody trouble, aren't I?
-For what?
111
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,240
Well, apparently, I should know
everything my son gets up to.
112
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,160
Why don't you tell me
everything you get up to?
113
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,840
-Maybe I should go sit in the car.
-Good idea.
114
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,840
-Okay.
-I won't be long, babe.
115
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,200
I must say,
married life looks fun! [groans]
116
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,280
-Thanks a lot, Jonathan!
-[Jonny] Oh, this is ridiculous.
117
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,080
-Come on, Jackie.
-How could you do this to me?
118
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Do what to you?
119
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,440
-He's so thoughtless.
-Shut up!
120
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,560
Never thinks of his mother.
121
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,920
Seriously! It was
a spur-of-the-moment thing.
122
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,240
-You don't say?
-I met her the night before.
123
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,360
The night before?
124
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,360
-You'd known her for one night?
-Sex.
125
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,160
-Thank you, Martin.
-Plus, the morning.
126
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,360
-Sex.
-Seriously!
127
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,640
We got to know each other
pretty well, actually.
128
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,680
-Sex!
-Martin, please stop saying "sex"!
129
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:45,840
[door opens]
130
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,160
-Hello, everyone.
-Mum, we had a tiny ceremony.
131
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,840
It was just us, and... [chuckles]
Actually, it was quite funny.
132
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,560
There was this guy dressed
just like Elvis.
133
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,440
You got married by an Elvis?
134
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,760
[sings like Elvis] ♪ I now pronounce youman and wife, oh-ho-ho... ♪
135
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,520
[laughs]
136
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,840
Do it again! [laughs]
137
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,320
[Lisa sighs]
138
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:15,960
Do you think we should maybe,
like, go to the pub or something?
139
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,600
Don't worry, babe,
she'll let us in soon.
140
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:18,760
In about a week.
141
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,400
I've never been to a real British pub.
142
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,800
Oh, then you'd love ours.
143
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,960
-Yeah, it's really real.
-Free stabbing with every pint.
144
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,160
[snores]
145
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,960
[sighs] Fantastic.
146
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,760
-Jonny, do you shave your ears?
-What?
147
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,000
We were meant to be
celebrating my award.
148
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,680
[Jonny] Oh, shit!
What's she doing here?
149
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,240
-[Lisa] Huh?
-[Jonny] Auntie Val.
150
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,160
Oh, bloody Val!
151
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,560
-Am I in my bed?
-Who's Val?
152
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,880
-Hide!
-Just a very reasonable lady.
153
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,440
Out!
154
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,200
-[groans]
-Go on, Jonathan.
155
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,080
[shrieks] You're hurting me.
You're hurting me. Get off!
156
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,840
How could you do such a thing
to your mother?
157
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:58,920
I didn't do anything to her.
158
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,320
-Your husband's very brave.
-[Jonny shrieks]
159
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,120
You're gonna go and apologize
to her right now.
160
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,840
Uh... No, I am not.
161
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,760
Well?
162
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,280
Sorry I got married
without telling you, Mum.
163
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,160
-Thank you, Val.
-Jackie.
164
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,760
Where are you going?
165
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,280
Mum!
166
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,560
Good evening again, Lisa.
167
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,560
Why don't you come in?
168
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,080
And here's the place
we tied the knot.
169
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,080
Lovely.
170
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,520
-[Lisa] There's Jonny.
-[Jonny] There's me.
171
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,720
And why are you wearing a cowboy hat?
172
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,760
-'Cause it's Vegas.
-Prat.
173
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,800
-Prat.
-Hey, careful now.
174
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:48,600
-I was a cowgirl.
-Oh, yes, a cowgirl bride.
175
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,280
-Lovely. Really lovely.
-[Lisa giggles]
176
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,880
Um... Cheers, everyone.
177
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,280
[all] Cheers!
178
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,280
[Jackie] Mm.
179
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,560
That's four pounds sixty-five.
180
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,600
-Sorry?
-Nothing.
181
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,800
So, my dear, which part of
France are you from?
182
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,160
-France?
-France?
183
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,040
-Grandma...
-Mum, she's American.
184
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,520
Is she? She sounds French.
185
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,080
Merci, Madame.
186
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:17,560
You know, dolly,
I've never been to America.
187
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,800
But I've been with an American.
188
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,680
-[Jackie] Mum!
-Oh, God!
189
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,160
And where are you from
in the US of A?
190
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,240
"US of A."
191
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,120
-She's from Los Angeles.
-San Francisco.
192
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,840
-Really?
-Yeah.
193
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,920
Jonathan Goodman, you don't know
where your own wife's from?
194
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,560
Excuse me, I just need
to check on the dinner.
195
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,920
I just need to check on the bottle.
More champagne?
196
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,000
-Always.
-Nut?
197
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,680
-Oh!
-[Grandma gasps]
198
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,960
Well, what do you think
of my wife now?
199
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,560
All my friends
with their lovely daughters...
200
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,600
-What?
-All those lovely girls,
201
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,480
and you go and marry the first one
you meet in a... casino!
202
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,280
I see. And just so you know,
I didn't meet her in a casino.
203
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,680
-Oh, yeah? Where did you meet her, then?
-All right,
204
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,000
I did meet her in a casino. But--
205
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,240
What's wrong with Carol's daughter?
Or Sue's daughter?
206
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,360
-Sue's daughter?
-Yes.
207
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,080
The tiny one with the terrifying face?
208
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,960
-Jonathan!
-Having fun?
209
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,600
-Mum wanted me to marry Sue's daughter.
-Pocket Dracula?
210
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,000
-You're horrible!
-It's okay, Mum. I get it.
211
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,120
-You don't like my wife.
-How can I not like your wife?
212
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,280
I don't even know your wife.
Do you even know your wife?
213
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,960
Yes, thank you.
I know my wife very well.
214
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,400
-Sex.
-Adam!
215
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,240
Seriously, do you know one thing
about your wife?
216
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,520
-Apart from her being French.
-Shut up! 'Course I do.
217
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,920
-Go on, then, one thing.
-What?
218
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,240
Tell us one thing
about your wife.
219
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,920
-Yeah.
-Okay.
220
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,880
-We're waiting.
-I'm thinking.
221
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,320
She likes apples.
222
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,200
-Apples?
-Yeah, she likes apples.
223
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,640
That's what you know about your wife?
224
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,120
-She likes apples?
-That's her birthday sorted.
225
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,080
-Lovely girl, Jon-Jon.
-Thank you, Grandma.
226
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,720
At least someone's happy for me.
227
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,840
Mum, you're meant to be angry
with your grandson.
228
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,240
-Am I?
-Yes.
229
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,360
I'm very angry with you!
230
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,560
-Me?
-Not him, Jonny.
231
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,840
-What?
-[doorbell rings]
232
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,760
[sighs] Oh, who's that? Coming!
233
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,000
Apple?
234
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,040
[muffled] Stop it!
235
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,720
Hello, Jackie.
Something smells nice.
236
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,440
Oh, hi, Jim.
Sorry, it's really not a good--
237
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,880
Just popped round to give you a letter
238
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:19,560
which was addressed to you,
but delivered to me by mistake.
239
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,120
-Oh, okay, thanks.
-Electricity bill.
240
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,320
Right.
241
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,920
-And are you going to give it to me?
-Yes, of course, Jackie.
242
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,040
[paper scrunching]
243
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,840
It's for safety.
244
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,600
-Here, there.
-Um, thank you.
245
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,840
-Oh, Jackie, you remembered!
-[Jackie] What?
246
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,320
"Congratulations."
I knew you'd remember.
247
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,440
-[Jackie whimpers] Jim!
-[Adam] Uh...
248
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,280
It's my birthday.
You remembered my birthday today.
249
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,040
-Your birthday?
-Friends.
250
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:04,480
Will you all join Wilson and me later
for a special birthday drink in the pub?
251
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,640
-Thanks, Jim, but--
-Did someone say "pub"?
252
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,440
-It's an American lady.
-Yes, Jim, that's--
253
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,560
-Jonny's extremely new wife.
-Thank you.
254
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:20,920
Wife? I had no idea.
How long have you been married?
255
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,920
Do you want the answer
in hours or minutes?
256
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,040
Where will you two lovebirds be nesting?
257
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,480
-[Jonny] Um...
-The United States.
258
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,840
United States?
259
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,880
Of England.
260
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,800
-The United States?
-Well, see you all in the pub.
261
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:44,920
Bye-bye! Or as you say
in your fair land, yee-haw!
262
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,520
Oh!
263
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,720
[Jim] Come on, Wilson. Good boy.
264
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,200
We were going to tell you later.
265
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,800
Honest.
266
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:58,760
Mum!
267
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,920
She definitely likes me!
268
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,280
[party blower squeaks]
269
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,920
-How could he do this to us?
-I know, dolly, I know.
270
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,960
-What do you think, Martin?
-I think that bin really pongs.
271
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,240
[tuts]
272
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,920
Maybe you should talk to him.
You are his father.
273
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,200
-Pardon?
-Definitely heard that.
274
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,720
-America, it's just so--
-Large.
275
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,400
-Far.
-But not if you're in America.
276
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,280
[laughs] Yeah, I'll do the bin.
277
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,760
Jacqueline, she does seem a nice girl.
278
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,640
Maybe you should give her
a chance a little.
279
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,960
Can I say, it would be quite nice
to have my celebration dinner
280
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,520
at some point this year?
281
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,880
Remember, we can never choose
who our children marry.
282
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,960
[Martin] A-ha!
283
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,800
There's the sod. Rotting liver!
284
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,920
Lovely to see you again, Lisa.
285
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,280
Why don't you come in and have
something nice to eat? Hmm?
286
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,880
-Enjoying it, Mum?
-The meat's quite fatty.
287
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,520
-Thank you!
-Ignore her, Jackie. It's lovely.
288
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,920
Normally, we'd have squirrel,
289
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,520
but as tonight's a special occasion,
it's badger.
290
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,720
Oh, badger.
I do hope it's roadkill!
291
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,560
[laughing]
292
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,280
Roadkill!
293
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,320
-I love the candles, by the way.
-Thank you.
294
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,720
I hope they're not just for me.
295
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,640
What? No, it's Friday night, so...
296
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,640
Friday night?
297
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,480
We're Jewish, so...
298
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,600
-Are you?
-Sorry?
299
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,200
Jonathan Goodman, don't you tell
your wife anything?
300
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,560
-She didn't know we're Jewish?
-No, Martin.
301
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,000
Don't worry, we're quite normal.
302
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,120
Although we may try to drink
your blood later on.
303
00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:01,120
[laughs evilly]
304
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,640
Dad!
305
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,560
But he did tell you he was
in prison, right?
306
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:05,920
-What?
-Ha-ha!
307
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,920
-For buggering dogs.
-[Jackie] Adam!
308
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,680
"Buggering dogs"! [laughs]
309
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,160
Doesn't Adam's ovary
look lovely up there?
310
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,600
-"Ovary"!
-Mum!
311
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,000
Grandma, it's an ear.
312
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,240
-An ear?
-Yes.
313
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,960
-Why would a womb have an ear?
-Good question, Grandma.
314
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,880
I wish I'd never won
the bloody thing now.
315
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,640
-It is pretty hideous.
-Ignore him, Bobble.
316
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,400
Seriously, I'll take it to the dump
if you want.
317
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,680
Thank you.
318
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,880
[groans] Salt! You bastard!
319
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,800
-Yee-haw!
-Adam!
320
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,200
-Oh!
-Jonny!
321
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:36,400
Yee-haw!
322
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,560
-He put gravy in my nose!
-Stupid tits!
323
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,680
Martin! So sorry, Lisa.
324
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,440
[chuckles] It's okay.
325
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,720
I'm sure Adam's going to miss him
when he's 5,000 miles away.
326
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,040
Um...
327
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,000
This really is an awesome meal.
328
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,880
-I'm gonna get some more potatoes.
-Me too.
329
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,600
It's okay, Lisa. Martin,
why don't you go and help Jonny?
330
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,080
Really? But I'm having me grub.
331
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,680
Oh, right. Yeah.
332
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,240
I think your mother wants me
to have a private chat with you
333
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,640
about the situation between
yourself and your American wife.
334
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,480
-Great.
-Subtle.
335
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,640
Very.
336
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,240
Well, have a great time.
337
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,960
-So fatty.
-[groans]
338
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,320
Go on then, get it over with.
339
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,520
Well?
340
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,640
-Well, what?
-You're getting married.
341
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:32,600
Uh... Yes, I got married.
342
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,560
Oh, yes, you got married.
Of course. You're married.
343
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,880
-Yes.
-And?
344
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,040
-And?
-Have you consummated the marriage?
345
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,720
-Dad!
-That's what you ask, isn't it?
346
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,360
If you're from the 1820s, yes.
347
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,320
All right, then, do you love the girl?
348
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,080
Okay, did Mum tell you to say all this?
349
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,200
Of course not.
350
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,480
Good. Any more questions,
or can I go now?
351
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,000
-What do the parents do?
-What is that piece of paper?
352
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,080
What piece of paper? Jonny!
353
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,000
-That's Mum's handwriting.
-[sighs] Give it back.
354
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,800
She's literally written out
instructions for you.
355
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,080
She'll bloody kill me!
356
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,080
"Try and make him feel sad for us." Nice!
357
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,960
"If doesn't work, say you're a bit ill."
358
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,520
Yes, that's what I was meant to say.
I'm a bit ill.
359
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,840
[coughs]
360
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,640
-How's it all going?
-Dad just told me he's dying.
361
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,760
-What?
-Thanks a lot.
362
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:21,840
Jonny!
363
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,760
-Everything okay?
-We're going to the pub.
364
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,080
Really?
365
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,960
-Jonny-boo!
-Where are you going?
366
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,320
-The pub.
-Now?
367
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,120
-Yeah, come on.
-But what about my profiteroles?
368
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,560
Bye, love.
369
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,320
-Uh... Where do you think you're going?
-The pub.
370
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,800
-No, you're staying here.
-Am I? Oh, right.
371
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,640
-Emotions. Well, have--
-[door slams]
372
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,120
Fun.
373
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,680
Welcome to your first British pub.
374
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,400
[sighs] Uh... Thanks.
375
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,160
Uh... Take a seat, babe.
376
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,200
What, and just wait to get stabbed?
377
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:02,640
That's how it works.
378
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,000
How did you get her to marry you?
379
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,760
Seriously, Mum and Dad are so annoying!
380
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,600
Was she on very strong medication
at the time?
381
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,240
-So annoying!
-Or does she just want to be unhappy
382
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,800
-for the rest of her life?
-Ha-ha!
383
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,400
-Yeah?
-Ah, evening.
384
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,680
-What about it?
-Two pints of lager, please.
385
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,040
-And for your random bride?
-Thank you.
386
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,240
[mouthing]
387
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,320
And another pint.
You want two pints and another pint?
388
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,520
-Yeah, so three pints.
-Thanks for the maths lesson.
389
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,960
Friendly as ever.
390
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,000
I try my best.
391
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,880
[cell phone beeps, vibrates]
392
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,480
-Mum.
-[groans] I don't want to know.
393
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,760
-She's sorry.
-Really?
394
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,920
Well, if she's so sorry,
then you can just text her back
395
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,400
and tell her to come here, right now,
and say it to my face.
396
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:51,560
And also, to my wife's face.
397
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,560
-I have to text all that?
-[bartender] Twelve pounds.
398
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:55,920
[Adam] Um...
399
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:57,920
There.
400
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,640
And congratulations, by the way.
401
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,280
-Uh... Thank you.
-To both of you.
402
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,720
-Both of us?
-For being wankers.
403
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,000
[laughs]
404
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,960
Oh, God. Knife in back?
405
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,480
Of neck and head.
406
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,840
You okay?
407
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,320
[both] Yeah.
408
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,680
Oh, no, the birthday boy!
409
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,120
[Adam] Fantastic.
410
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,480
[sighs]
411
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,160
Hello, lads.
412
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,720
-Hi, Jim.
-American lady.
413
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,400
-Happy birthday.
-Yeah, happy birthday.
414
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,320
Is your mother coming?
415
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,480
-I don't think so, Jim.
-Oh, dear.
416
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,520
Well, cheers.
417
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,360
-[both] Cheers.
-Yee-haw!
418
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,280
Birthday sausage.
419
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,200
[door opens]
420
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,440
-[Adam] Ah, the fun continues.
-Great!
421
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,440
Jackie, you came to my party!
422
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,640
-Yes, Jim--
-I'll fetch the champagne!
423
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:05,960
Really?
424
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,280
Champagne! Come on, Wilson.
425
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,400
Hello.
426
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,000
-Hi.
-What are you doing here?
427
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,120
I've come to, um...
[clears throat]
428
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,480
-...apologize for my behavior.
-You've come to apologize?
429
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,160
Can you believe it? [laughs]
430
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,000
I just wanted to say that, well,
you two really make a lovely couple
431
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,680
and we're so happy for you both.
432
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,520
-Really?
-Yeah.
433
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,520
-Thanks, Mum.
-Aw!
434
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,880
Thanks, Mum-in-law, Dad-in-law.
435
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,680
-Aw, pleasure!
-Lovely.
436
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,560
-Are they what I think they are?
-Da-da-da, ta-da!
437
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:53,320
-Oh, Mum!
-Congratulations, you two.
438
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,960
-Thanks, Grandma.
-What is it they say at these things?
439
00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,440
Oh, yes, till death do us part!
440
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,400
Um...
441
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,240
Lisa, shall we maybe...
442
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,160
-I was gonna say the same thing.
-We're just gonna...
443
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,440
Mm!
444
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:14,800
[sighing]
445
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,640
I know, right?
446
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:22,320
-So, Mrs. Goodman?
-Yes, Mr. Goodman.
447
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:28,040
Uh... Do you think
that maybe what we did--
448
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,960
The whole getting married thing?
449
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,680
Yeah, the whole getting married thing.
450
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,760
Do you think it was maybe a little...
451
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,120
-Or a lot?
-Or a lot...
452
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,720
-Insane?
-...completely mental?
453
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:40,960
[both laugh awkwardly]
454
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,960
Maybe we did rush into it a little bit.
455
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,080
[laughs]
456
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,400
-Hmm.
-Yeah.
457
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,800
-So, do you think we should...
-Yeah, maybe we should.
458
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,000
By the way, do you like apples?
459
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:56,880
They make me heave.
460
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,960
Cool. Cool.
461
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,240
Uh... Everyone, we've kind of got
something to say.
462
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,600
-She's not up the duff, is she?
-Martin!
463
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,160
Jonny?
464
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,680
We're getting a divorce.
465
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,280
-[laughing]
-[cheering]
466
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,160
[applauding]
467
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,360
I'm so pleased for you both.
468
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,480
Thanks, Mum.
469
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,720
Aw, and you made
such a lovely daughter-in-law.
470
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,480
-Champagne?
-[dog barks]
471
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,600
-[Jackie] Oh, Jim! Jim, are you all right?
-[Jim grunts]
472
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,400
So, you're getting divorced
from my brother?
473
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:37,480
Uh-huh.
474
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,120
No, Mum, don't come near here.
475
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,800
Fancy going out for a drink
some time?
476
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,160
Why not?
477
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,920
Yee-haw!
478
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,440
[♪ theme music playing]
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