All language subtitles for Friday.Night.Dinner.S03E06.The.Big.Day.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.x264-NTb_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:42,960 Careful of my hair. 2 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,600 -It's okay, Grandma. -Careful. 3 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:45,840 Pass me your handbag. 4 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,360 Be careful of my nails. 5 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:49,760 Be careful. 6 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,520 Here's your dress. 7 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,680 Be careful of my dress! Be careful of my dress! 8 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:55,840 I am being careful. 9 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,720 -Be careful... -Of your fingers... 10 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:02,600 Now, remember, brave face. 11 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,560 Brave face. 12 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,920 -Brave face. 13 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,680 Here comes the bride! 14 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,400 Careful, careful. 15 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,520 - Careful. - Careful. 16 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:18,800 Boys! 17 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,560 - You look nice. -We look like tits. 18 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,721 Hello, Mum! Or should I say... 19 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:28,800 ..."the bride to be"? 20 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,600 -She's nervous. - Right. 21 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,440 -Has Dad had his brain reprogrammed? -Pardon? 22 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,320 Martin, you can relax now. 23 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,200 Hello, bambinos! 24 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:42,720 Be careful! 25 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,400 -Put it down there. -Okay. 26 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,280 - Careful. -Please. 27 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,040 I hope she's all right. 28 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,560 So, go on, how was she? 29 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,760 Ten-minute drive. Two toilet breaks. 30 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:54,680 Really? 31 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,920 One at the garage, and one behind a hedge. 32 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,720 -A hedge? -Quite a low hedge. 33 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,920 - Blimey. -Yes, blimey. 34 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,040 Someone tell me how we're going to get through today. 35 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,640 -Heroin? -Please. 36 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,120 -Don't worry, love, it'll be fine. -It won't be fine! 37 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,040 My mother is marrying Mr Morris, the worst man in the world. 38 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,960 -The universe. -Not if she suddenly comes out 39 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:15,960 as a lesbian. 40 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,080 -Nice image. -Martin, for the hundredth time, 41 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,080 my mother will not be suddenly coming out as a lesbian. 42 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,000 -Well, then we're buggered! -Thank you. 43 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,440 -Jesus! My God! 44 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,680 Hello. 45 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,400 Okay, love. 46 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,320 See you soon. Val. 47 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,760 She's doing Grandma's make up. 48 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,560 Could that phone be any louder? Oh, it's so your Dad can hear it. 49 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,400 -It's so I can hear it. -And can you? 50 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,200 Well, when it rings, I'll let you know. 51 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,560 -Perfect. - Hello, everyone? 52 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,800 Okay, brave face, everyone, brave face. 53 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:48,880 Brave face. 54 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,840 I feel much better now. 55 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,080 There's smoked salmon, and cream cheese. 56 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,640 -It's lovely, Jackie. -Amazing. 57 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,120 -Leave it. -Yeah, leave it. 58 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,720 - Boys! 59 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,320 Skill McGill! 60 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,280 And, you know, people can just help themselves... 61 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,960 Really lovely. 62 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,640 Another sherry, please. 63 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,120 -Another one? -You haven't had your breakfast yet. 64 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:16,800 Another sherry. 65 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,520 Okay, but we don't want you conking out before the wedding. 66 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,320 - Here. -Your 08:00 a.m. sherry 67 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,400 coming right up, madam. 68 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,080 Oh, Mum, 69 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,240 I wonder what Mr Morris is doing right now. 70 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,640 -Masturbating? -What? 71 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,360 I bet he's sitting there 72 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,360 with a nice glass of sherry, just like you, 73 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,880 thinking all about the big day. 74 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,600 -Whilst masturbating. 75 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,680 Yes, well he's a... 76 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,720 A very thoughtful person. 77 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,840 -Is he? -Is he? 78 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,200 Oh, yes. 79 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,120 One time he... 80 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:50,960 Well, go on. 81 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,520 No, I can't remember when he was thoughtful. 82 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,840 -Well? -Oh, my God! 83 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,040 -How do I look? -Just like me and Adam, a tit. 84 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,680 -Stop it. -The third tit. 85 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,640 Ignore them, Martin. -You look really-- -Tittish. 86 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,360 Handsome. 87 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,640 Aw! Doesn't Martin look handsome, Mum? 88 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,760 In a way. 89 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,320 Excellent. 90 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,600 Oh, Mum, can we have a quick word? 91 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,920 -Yeah. - What? 92 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,720 What? 93 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,120 Mum, help yourself. 94 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,160 And no more sherry! 95 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,240 I hope she'll be all right, what do you want? 96 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,240 -You know what we want. -Do we have to wear these clothes? 97 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,720 You know you do. 98 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,640 -It's what Mr Morris-- -Little Miss Hitler... 99 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,320 ...wanted you to wear, okay? 100 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,200 -But we look like little twins. - Stop it. 101 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,320 Little pimps. 102 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,280 Martin, tell them they look all right, will you? 103 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,840 -Do I look like a pimp? -No. No one looks like a pimp! 104 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,440 -I better not look like a pimp! 105 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,920 Where are you going? 106 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,200 Look, I really don't have time for this now. 107 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,520 We're not page boys, are we? 108 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,640 -Of course not. -We better not be page boys. 109 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,080 Right, can I go now? 110 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,880 -I look like a pimp! 111 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,120 Oh, you wanna buy a piece of ass? 112 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,440 -Goodbye. -Goodbye. 113 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,560 -Oh! 114 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,120 Oh, don't you look snazzy! 115 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,800 So do you, sexy lady! 116 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,200 -Are you all right? - I'm being a pimp. 117 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,520 Oh. Very nice. 118 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,440 Whoa! Shake your booty! 119 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,440 Yeah, not right now, Martin. How's Jackie? 120 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,720 The usual. 121 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,320 Thank you, Martin. 122 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,320 Hello, love. Today's the day! 123 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,520 I know. I'll be all right. 124 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,440 -Hi, Auntie Val. -Hi. 125 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:37,000 Hi, boys! Oh, don't they look sweet, like two little page boys. 126 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,160 See! 127 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,360 Like two very adult, grown-up men. 128 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,560 Where's the blushing bride? 129 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,400 Mum! 130 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,520 Mum! She won't be long. 131 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,160 She's just finishing off her 80th barrel of alcohol. 132 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,800 Hello, Valerie. 133 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,280 Oh, hello, Mrs Buller. 134 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,640 -Mazel tov! -Thank you. 135 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,320 Come to make me look beautiful, 136 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,760 -have you? -Don't be silly. 137 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,600 You don't look a day over 21! 138 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,600 Oh, and you don't look a day over 55. 139 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,280 Oh. 140 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,480 -Is she 55? - No, Mum, she's 49. 141 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:13,960 She looks older. 142 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,480 Sorry, Val, she's a bit, erm... 143 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,880 What... Oh! You shit! 144 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,480 -Skill McGill! -What happened? 145 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,440 He just put bloody water down my pants! 146 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,600 -Someone's had an accident! -Stupid wazzocks! 147 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,520 You better not have ruined his suit! 148 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,000 Sorry, Mum. Can you calm down? Look... 149 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,800 Can everyone, please calm down. It is Grandma's sodding wedding! 150 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,640 Okay, so... 151 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,840 Death by phone. 152 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,600 -Hello? What? 153 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,840 Oh, yes... Thanks, thank you. 154 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,920 Mum, your car will be here 155 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,280 -in an hour, so... -An hour? 156 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,360 All right, Mrs Buller, let's get your little skates on. 157 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,280 Martin, help Val, would you? 158 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,360 I'd help that sweet piece of ass anytime. 159 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,800 -Please stop doing that. -Please stop doing that. 160 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,320 -I'm soaking... -Aw. Shame. 161 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,920 -Oh, get that would you? - Yes, miss. 162 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,080 Come on, Mum. 163 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,000 -Good morning, gentlemen. -Hi, Mr Morris. 164 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,480 Found a parking space, did you? 165 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,160 Er... She's not around is she? 166 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,680 -She? -The woman. 167 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,080 It's very bad luck to see the woman before the wedding. 168 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Er... No, the woman's upstairs. 169 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,640 Well, come outside then, come on. 170 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,440 What? 171 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,680 Layabouts. 172 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:41,160 Now then, I've got something I want to give your grandmother. 173 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,320 A noose? 174 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,840 It's something very precious. 175 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,320 And I'd like her to wear it at the wedding. 176 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,360 -Oh, right. That's nice of you. -Yeah. 177 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,840 You do know you're taking me to the synagogue today? 178 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,000 Are we? 179 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,040 I don't want you looking like a pair of punk rockers. 180 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,160 Tuck your shirt in. 181 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,800 What? Thank you for the sexual assault. 182 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,880 And you, do your top button up. 183 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,560 No one wants to see your scrawny, turkey neck. 184 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,320 All right! What about you? 185 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,760 What about me? I'm in my comfies. 186 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,360 Your comfies? 187 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,040 Listen, when I'm in my full regalia, 188 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,840 I shall look like a prince, I tell you. A prince! 189 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,320 Okay. 190 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,440 Just a minute. 191 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,360 Have you soiled yourself? 192 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,760 -What? -He has soiled himself. 193 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,040 That's all I need, a bottom soiler. 194 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,080 You better not start soiling your bottom when you enter the house of God. 195 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,240 Okay, I'll try not to, Mr Morris. 196 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,880 I'm a pillar of the community. 197 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:33,960 Pillock of the community. 198 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,040 -I beg your pardon? -See you later! 199 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,240 I do know what you're doing! 200 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,040 -Oh, isn't that beautiful. -Isn't it? 201 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,320 Actually, it is pretty. 202 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,560 I told you he was a thoughtful man. 203 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,680 Read the note. 204 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,200 Oh. 205 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,480 -"Dear Nelly..." -Oh! 206 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,240 "Dear Nelly." 207 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,320 "Please accept this necklace as a token 208 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,800 of my affection on our wedding day." 209 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,880 "On our wedding day." Oh! 210 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,200 I'm so excited now! 211 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,200 "It would truly mean the world to me if you would wear it." 212 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,920 Of course, I'll wear it, Lou. 213 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,880 "Even though the necklace originally belonged to my dead wife.... 214 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,360 and she wore it every day of her life." 215 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,920 I thought I'd seen it before. 216 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,920 "Try not to think of her when you put it on. 217 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,600 Think only of me, 218 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,440 and not me being with her, 219 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,480 which I was, for 60 years. 220 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,600 Yours, Lou." 221 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,240 What a thoughtful, thoughtful man. 222 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,680 -And you checked the car's coming? -Yes. 223 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,480 -You've spoken to the Rabbi? -Yes. 224 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,080 -You put bleach in the loos. -Yes, after I'd had a sip. 225 00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,720 Lovely. 226 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,240 -There. -You look gorgeous, Jackie. 227 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,680 Like a million, billion dollars. 228 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,400 You're not being a pimp again, are you? 229 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,360 Baby, once a pimp, always a pimp. 230 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,640 Martin! 231 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,000 Do you think she's going to be all right? 232 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,520 - Who? -Lady Gaga. Who do you think? 233 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,760 -Oh, she'll be fine. -Really? 234 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,560 Well, look at you, you're fine, aren't you? 235 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,000 What's that supposed to mean? 236 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,240 I don't know, really. I just thought I should say... 237 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,440 -some words. -Some words, very helpful. 238 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,880 We have a good marriage, don't we? 239 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,280 What? Of course, we do. 240 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,880 -And you know I love you. -Yes, of course. 241 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,000 -And? -And? 242 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,320 I say, "I love you," and you say... 243 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,800 Oh, sorry. Likewise. 244 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,480 -Likewise? -I love you, likewise. 245 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,000 I love you likewise, too. 246 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,080 Actually, you could have just used the word, "similarly." 247 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,160 -Mum? 248 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,640 - Yes? -Grandma's crying. 249 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,520 Oh. 250 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,240 Boys, who's Lady Gaga? 251 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,240 -Mummy? 252 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,680 -Oh, Jackie. -Are you all right? 253 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,600 I'm okay, dolly. I'm okay. 254 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,920 What are you do... 255 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,520 Oh, Mum. 256 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,400 I wonder what Sidney is thinking of me now. 257 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,440 Don't be silly. 258 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,120 I'm sure Dad's really... 259 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,920 -...happy for you. -Really? 260 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,240 I am doing the right thing, aren't I? 261 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,840 -What? -Marrying Lou. 262 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,120 As long as you're happy, and sure. 263 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,080 Yes. 264 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,200 You are sure, aren't you, Mummy? 265 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,520 We've run out of bog roll! 266 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,320 Sorry. 267 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,200 That's when that donkey bit Sidney on the chin! 268 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,960 -Mum, do you remember that donkey? -I do. 269 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,720 It did not like your father. 270 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,280 No. 271 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,320 It did its toilet all over him. 272 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:21,560 -Yeah. 273 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,640 Right. 274 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,400 Time to get re-married. 275 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,600 Hello, Jackie, you look nice. 276 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:48,800 Hi, Jim. 277 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,840 I thought you were the car. 278 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,720 You thought I was a car? 279 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,360 Is it important? You know we're really busy... 280 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,160 Yes, of course, getting ready to go to the mosque. 281 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,840 - Erm... - Synagogue. 282 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,760 Oh, yes. No, we wanted to give your mother 283 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,200 a little something for her nuptials. 284 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,720 - Oh! -Wilson. 285 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,120 Okay. 286 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:12,800 Remain. 287 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,680 Erm... 288 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:19,800 Blimey. 289 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,320 -Er… Thanks, Jim. -Yeah. 290 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,520 What is it? 291 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:29,240 It's an original 18th century 24-piece porcelain tea set. 292 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,000 Is it? 293 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,560 Yes, it's been in the family for years, 294 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,760 used to belong to Marie Antoinette. 295 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,840 -Really? -Yes, I was going to donate it 296 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,320 to the British Museum... 297 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,240 -Oh! Oh! 298 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,000 Oh, dear. 299 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,960 -Hurry up, Val. - I'm nearly there. 300 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,760 Where is the car? It's meant to be here... 301 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,560 Well, hurry up. 302 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,680 -Calm down, Jackie. 303 00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,040 Sorry, I can't calm down. 304 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,480 Well, why don't you take your hot ass in the kitchen 305 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:02,920 and make me a hot cup of tea? 306 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,200 Ladies and gentlemen, 307 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,240 may I present our beautiful bride. 308 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,240 Well, what do you think? 309 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,120 -Careful! -Mum, let me help a little. 310 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,960 Careful of my hair! Careful of my hair! 311 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,960 -That's it, Nelly! - Careful of my dress! 312 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,480 Careful of my dress! 313 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,640 Try and find your mother some heroin. 314 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,520 Right. Time to get the lunatic. 315 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,760 I wonder if this is the right house? 316 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,720 Once again, excellent parking skills. 317 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,800 Excellent. 318 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,200 -Please be lying dead on the floor. -In a pool of blood. 319 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,280 -Don't come in. -Thank you. 320 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,960 -All in white. -The Prince! 321 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:12,840 Right. 322 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,800 -What's so funny? - Nothing. 323 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,120 -What's with the bin bag? -You'll see. 324 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,280 Recycling Grandma. 325 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,120 No, no, no. We're not going in that. 326 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,120 - Really? -We're going in this. 327 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,280 Are we? 328 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,440 It's my wedding day and I wish to travel in my own vehicle. 329 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,080 -The Deathmobile. -Now, come on, get your legs in that. 330 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,200 -What? -I'm not having 331 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,200 you soiling your grubby bottom in my car. 332 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,680 Now come on, get your legs in. 333 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,120 Great idea. Go on, Adam. 334 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,920 God. 335 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,160 That's it. Ah, that's it! 336 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,240 -Good. -Ooh! Nice fit! 337 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,600 -Now get in. -Go on, Pusface, hop in. 338 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,960 And no soiling! 339 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,920 Oh, come on! 340 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,200 Can you drive any slower? 341 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,840 Silence! 342 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,200 -Finally! -Wait! 343 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,680 Have you soiled yourself? 344 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,560 Not yet, Mr Morris. 345 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,640 -Good boy. -Yes, good boy. 346 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,040 Oh, get off! 347 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,440 You're late! Where the bleeding hell have you been? 348 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,600 Average speed of vehicle, 1.5 miles per hour. 349 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,240 Bloody thing! 350 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,480 Right, where's the woman? 351 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,080 -You were in a bin bag. -I was in a bin bag. 352 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,440 -The stupid berks are here. -There you are. 353 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,080 -Where have you... -Sorry, have we got any time 354 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,840 -to buy a crossbow? -Or make one? 355 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,280 -Come on! -Wait, Martin. 356 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,360 What? Oh, yes. 357 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,240 Erm... 358 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,480 I need to tell you something, but please don't kill me. 359 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:58,680 Okay. 360 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,720 -You are page boys. -What? 361 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,520 - Sorry! -I bloody knew it! 362 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,200 I didn't want to tell you earlier, sorry. 363 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:07,600 But it'll be fine, just fine. 364 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,360 -Coming, Mummy. - Mum! 365 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:10,520 Great. We're page boys. 366 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,000 -Little page boys. -Oh, stop fussing. 367 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,640 All you have to do is walk behind your grandma and hold up her dress. 368 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,800 Hold up her dress? 369 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,200 -It's an honour. -Yes. For three-year-old girls! 370 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,320 Erm... Mr Goodman? 371 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,960 Chin up, lads. 372 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,760 Oh, pissing shit-buckets! 373 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:27,840 Shalom. 374 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,800 I wish that stupid git would play something we bleeding know. 375 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,200 Here she comes. 376 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,080 Hmm. 377 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:15,920 Page boys. 378 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,720 Little page boys. 379 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,000 This is really happening. 380 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,400 -Yeah. -Yeah. 381 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,080 Hello, Lou. How do I look? 382 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,240 Like you, only more done up. 383 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,520 Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, 384 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,400 what a wonderful, truly beautiful occasion 385 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,840 -we have before us here today. -Literally hell. 386 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:02,920 Nelly and Lou, 387 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,920 -in the very prime of their life... -One way of putting it. 388 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,440 ...finding true love again, 389 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,440 and declaring it here today before God. 390 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:10,920 Speak up! Speak up! 391 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,440 -I said finding true love. -Oh, that. "Love." 392 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,640 It is plain to see that the Lord Almighty, HaShem, 393 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,800 has truly blessed these two very special people here today. 394 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,720 Wouldn't you agree? 395 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,480 No! 396 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,000 No, Wilson. No! 397 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,440 Oh, I'm sorry... 398 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,480 Your Majesty. Where do dogs sit? 399 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,760 No dogs! 400 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,320 No Wilsons! 401 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,880 Yes. Mm-hm! 402 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,920 Place the ring on Nelly's finger, Lou, and repeat after me. 403 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,680 Shalom. Sorry. Shalom. 404 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,920 Have they done the sacrifice yet? 405 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,560 Allow them to sustain and nourish you both, 406 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,280 as you enter this holy covenant with God. 407 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,880 And now for the moment you've all been waiting for. 408 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,160 -Dreading. -The wedding vows. 409 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,520 Do you, Lou Anthony Morris, 410 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,080 -enter into this holy covenant... -Please, Lord, let him die. 411 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,760 -Please die. -Heart attack. 412 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:24,840 Liver failure. 413 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,200 -...to be your wife? -I do. 414 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,600 Shit on it. 415 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,480 - Thank you, Lou. Wonderful. - Shit on it. 416 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,680 That's my bits done. Your go now. 417 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,480 Do you, Nelly Rachel Buller... 418 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:36,840 -No, Grandma. -Please... 419 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,680 ...enter into this holy covenant of affection and truth... 420 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,960 and take Lou Anthony Morris to be your husband? 421 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,720 Nelly? 422 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,760 Well, get on with it! 423 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,800 I... I... 424 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,880 I... 425 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,160 - Mum? Mummy? -Mrs Buller? 426 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,080 - Mummy? - Grandma? 427 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,320 What's going on? 428 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,880 - Mummy! Mummy? - Nelly? 429 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,000 Grandma? 430 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,320 Mummy, can you hear me? Mum, can you hear me? 431 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,440 -Oh, my God. -Call an ambulance! 432 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,800 Shimon, ambulance! 433 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,560 Come on, pull yourself together, woman! 434 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,880 Call a bleeding ambulance! 435 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,360 Oh, God. Oh, God. 436 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,480 - It's all right, Jackie. - That's it. It's okay. 437 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,080 Grandma. Grandma? 438 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,480 Careful, you have to let her breathe. 439 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:35,920 She's not going to die, is she, Mum? 440 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,560 Oh, Jonny. 441 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,320 -We love you, Mum. -We love you, Grandma. 442 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,360 Love you, Grandma. 443 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,680 Stay in there, Nelly. Stay in there. 444 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,120 How long to the hospital? How long? Not long, we'll get you there. 445 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,040 You hear that, Mum? 446 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,400 We're nearly at the hospital, and they'll look after you. 447 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,120 -Good girl, Nelly. -Yeah, Grandma. 448 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:54,520 She's moving. 449 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:55,880 - Mum? - Nelly. 450 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,400 I think she wants to say something. 451 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,040 -Oh, Mummy? -Jackie. 452 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,720 -I need to talk to you. 453 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,360 Of course, Mum. Anything. 454 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,040 I'm not ill. 455 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,480 No, of course you're not ill. 456 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,000 No, I'm not ill. 457 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,920 -What? -I'm pretending. 458 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,680 -Pretending? -No, she's confused. 459 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,560 -Wait, wait. -What? -Pretending? -Yes. 460 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,880 -So, you're not dying? -No. 461 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,600 -Not even a bit? -No. 462 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,120 You just pretended to have a heart attack? 463 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,160 At your own wedding? 464 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,320 In front of your entire family and friends? 465 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,920 I couldn't think of what else to do. 466 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,560 What else to do? 467 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,880 There was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life 468 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,400 with that jumped-up little arsehole. 469 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,320 -You mean... -She's got to keep her mask on. 470 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:54,840 I'm free! I'm free! 32192

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