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1
00:00:01,232 --> 00:00:04,534
Oh, Andy, I am so excited
for Cheryl to see this.
2
00:00:04,535 --> 00:00:05,635
(LAUGHS)
3
00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:07,037
I don't know
what's more shocking,
4
00:00:07,038 --> 00:00:08,178
that you remembered
your anniversary,
5
00:00:08,179 --> 00:00:09,579
or that you didn't
just buy a gift
6
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:11,641
at the gas station
on the way home.
7
00:00:11,642 --> 00:00:15,415
Andy, you can only
get away with that once.
8
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,788
Cheryl, for once,
let me be the first to say,
9
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:20,521
happy anniversary.
10
00:00:22,253 --> 00:00:25,425
Oh, my God!
You remembered!
11
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,127
Yeah, yeah.
12
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:29,448
How'd you fit five sticks of
beef jerky in that little box?
13
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,132
Ready?
14
00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:34,334
(GASPS)
15
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,266
Oh, honey, I'm...
16
00:00:36,267 --> 00:00:37,807
I'm speechless.
17
00:00:37,808 --> 00:00:39,509
Yeah.
18
00:00:39,510 --> 00:00:41,072
Thank you!
Oh, you're welcome.
19
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,144
So, where's mine?
20
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,476
In the driveway or the bedroom?
21
00:00:46,477 --> 00:00:49,679
(LAUGHS)
Not even close.
22
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:50,820
No, huh?
23
00:00:50,821 --> 00:00:52,382
Dana, you want
to help me with dinner?
24
00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:53,384
Sure.
Okay.
25
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,158
You think she knows
how much that cost?
26
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,289
She will in a second.
27
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:01,092
I left the price tag on the box.
28
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,433
Nice.
29
00:01:03,434 --> 00:01:05,195
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
30
00:01:05,196 --> 00:01:07,697
Jim remembered our
anniversary, and I didn't!
31
00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:09,439
Eh, so you did one bad thing.
32
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,802
Jim's still ahead by 8,694.
33
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:15,106
There's no way I can go
out there without a present.
34
00:01:16,107 --> 00:01:17,647
Oh!
35
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:19,349
I can't believe I
forgot our anniversary.
36
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:20,950
I can't believe
you're still having them.
37
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:29,860
JIM: Oh, baby.
38
00:01:35,526 --> 00:01:38,568
Hey, honey, here you go.
39
00:01:38,569 --> 00:01:42,232
It's not diamonds,
but it is from the heart.
40
00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:43,373
Happy anniversary.
41
00:01:43,374 --> 00:01:45,736
Oh! Wow.
42
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,677
This is all for me?
43
00:01:47,678 --> 00:01:49,240
Mmm, just for you.
44
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,742
Wow, look at this!
45
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:54,784
Uh-huh!
46
00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:56,746
There I am.
47
00:01:56,747 --> 00:01:58,688
I used to be so thin.
48
00:01:58,689 --> 00:01:59,889
That's Cheryl.
49
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:02,152
Oh, well, we have
similar features,
50
00:02:02,153 --> 00:02:03,354
and I own the same top.
51
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,456
Oh, look at Kyle.
52
00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:08,428
He's so cute
in his little stroller.
53
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,260
(LAUGHS)
54
00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:12,163
Whatever happened
to that stroller?
55
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:18,609
You know, I've seen
Cheryl do this before.
56
00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:21,912
She just presses a button,
57
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,876
and the whole thing collapses.
58
00:02:42,493 --> 00:02:44,163
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
59
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,365
I think I heard a click.
60
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,637
That was my knee.
Oh.
61
00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:54,745
(GRUNTS)
62
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,617
You want to get the door?
63
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,929
Look at Gracie in
her first ballet recital.
64
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:22,332
Yeah.
She was awful.
65
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:25,405
Yeah. Yeah, we're not
the most graceful family.
66
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,476
Well...
67
00:03:26,477 --> 00:03:28,838
Oh, I remember
my first dance recital.
68
00:03:28,839 --> 00:03:32,712
I was nine,
and I danced Giselle.
69
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,244
I could have been
a professional.
70
00:03:34,245 --> 00:03:35,346
Oh!
71
00:03:38,549 --> 00:03:40,350
See?
I can do anything.
72
00:03:40,351 --> 00:03:41,422
Yay!
Yay!
73
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,462
CHERYL: Hey,
what's going on down there?
74
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,464
JIM: Outside!
75
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:57,567
Yeah. And the tickets
were just great.
76
00:03:57,568 --> 00:03:59,610
Yeah, well, anyway...
Thank you. Yeah.
77
00:04:02,873 --> 00:04:05,244
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Hey!
78
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,348
I'm sorry!
I'm fine.
79
00:04:07,878 --> 00:04:09,450
(EXCLAIMS)
80
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:10,950
(GRUNTS)
81
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,452
(EXCLAIMS)
82
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,454
(EXCLAIMS)
83
00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:14,885
(SCREAMS)
84
00:04:16,727 --> 00:04:18,358
JIM: Give it to me,
baby, give it to me!
85
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,430
(GRUNTS)
86
00:04:21,492 --> 00:04:22,493
(GROANING)
87
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,895
Dude, hit me high! Ow!
88
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:27,537
CHERYL: Are you gonna fix
that bathroom door today?
89
00:04:27,538 --> 00:04:28,638
Yeah, I'm gonna do
a little research.
90
00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:29,670
3:00 class, let's move.
91
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,274
(SCREAMING)
92
00:04:36,507 --> 00:04:37,608
Andy!
93
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,529
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
94
00:05:00,971 --> 00:05:02,833
(GRUNTING)
95
00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:06,937
How do babies do this?
96
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,812
Cheryl, you look
so hot in this one.
97
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:13,943
What? We were camping.
98
00:05:13,944 --> 00:05:15,716
I had just finished
gutting a fish.
99
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,617
That's my wife,
100
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,719
hard on a bass
and easy on the eyes.
101
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,551
(LAUGHING) Oh.
102
00:05:21,552 --> 00:05:23,793
Cheryl, what are you doing in
here wearing that sexy outfit?
103
00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:24,895
You're driving me crazy!
104
00:05:26,757 --> 00:05:29,430
Jim, it's a sweatshirt
and sweat pants.
105
00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:32,101
Ponytail, ponytail!
106
00:05:32,102 --> 00:05:33,564
Oh, sorry, sorry.
I'll take it out.
107
00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:38,508
Cheryl...
108
00:05:38,509 --> 00:05:39,970
Do you want a pole
to do that on?
109
00:05:44,975 --> 00:05:46,417
Cheryl...
110
00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:50,621
You are making me very angry...
111
00:05:51,582 --> 00:05:52,782
And very hot.
112
00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:54,083
(LAUGHS)
113
00:05:54,084 --> 00:05:56,355
Jim, this is
our children's room,
114
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,127
and my mother
is right down the hall.
115
00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,030
Oh, keep talking, keep
talking, keep talking.
116
00:06:01,432 --> 00:06:02,592
You took her to the ballet?
117
00:06:02,593 --> 00:06:04,534
Yeah, I wanted her
to think I was cultured,
118
00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:06,096
so I could tune in
Tokyo, you know?
119
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,370
Honey, can I talk to you in the
other room for just a second?
120
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,503
No, I'm not going
in the other room with you
121
00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:15,445
to talk,
122
00:06:15,446 --> 00:06:17,006
so you can appeal
to my emotions.
123
00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:19,148
No way, I'm smarter than that.
124
00:06:19,149 --> 00:06:20,651
I'm the mood for a quickie.
125
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:26,617
I know you're lying.
126
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,889
Am I?
127
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,722
I can't be 100% sure.
Come on.
128
00:06:33,163 --> 00:06:34,824
To show you how much I love you,
129
00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,497
I'm giving you
a special present.
130
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:38,429
Yes!
131
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,902
No, Jim.
No, no, no, no, Jim.
132
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,475
Some guys can have sex
when they're upset.
133
00:06:45,476 --> 00:06:47,878
I am one of those guys.
134
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,640
Where's Cheryl?
135
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:51,711
In the bedroom.
136
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,112
Yes!
137
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,784
Okay, okay, here, here, here.
138
00:06:54,785 --> 00:06:57,787
Girls, Aunt Dana is gonna
take you out for some ice cream.
139
00:06:57,788 --> 00:06:59,689
Come on, go, go,
go, go, go, go! What?
140
00:06:59,690 --> 00:07:02,052
I need some alone time
with your sister.
141
00:07:03,554 --> 00:07:05,826
Oh, my God, girls, let's go!
Move, move, move!
142
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,699
You want to have sex?
143
00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:11,832
Yeah.
144
00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:14,935
(SIGHS)
That's good to know.
145
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,008
Wow, 14 years.
146
00:07:19,009 --> 00:07:20,109
Yeah.
147
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:22,011
How have you put up
with me for so long?
148
00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:23,873
Oh, honey.
149
00:07:23,874 --> 00:07:26,045
The truth is, I'm just too tired
to start over with anyone new.
150
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,548
(LAUGHS)
151
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,651
What's that?
152
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,784
Well, I guess this as good
a time to tell you as any.
153
00:07:34,525 --> 00:07:35,556
This is a book.
154
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,090
Didn't you ever do
anything perfect?
155
00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:43,092
I married you.
156
00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:44,234
I'm kidding.
157
00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:48,568
That is a cheap shot, Cheryl.
158
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,969
I am storing that one.
159
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,702
Oh, you mean where
your hair used to be?
160
00:07:53,844 --> 00:07:55,845
Come on, there is
a fire in this belly.
161
00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:57,608
Yeah, and good luck
putting that out.
162
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,982
Hey, Cheryl, you've got to
make one of those for us.
163
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,714
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
164
00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:07,987
Stop it!
Okay, I'll stop it.
165
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,961
Cheryl, see, this is why
better-looking guys didn't marry you.
166
00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:16,566
Wow, look at Ruby
dressed up as a lady pilgrim.
167
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:17,897
Oh.
168
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,869
Oh, we have had some
wonderful Thanksgivings. Huh?
169
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:22,702
Yeah, some pretty
weird ones, too. Yeah.
170
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,974
DANA: Okay, it's
the first Thanksgiving.
171
00:08:24,975 --> 00:08:27,136
And you turn to the
pilgrims, and you sing...
172
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:28,778
BOTH:
♪ Corn and fish
173
00:08:28,779 --> 00:08:30,079
♪ Corn and fish
174
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,142
♪ We have brought
our favorite dish ♪
175
00:08:33,143 --> 00:08:35,514
Welcome to the new world.
176
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,048
Please don't kill us
and steal our land.
177
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,024
Uh...
178
00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:48,257
Wait. Where did you
get that from, Gracie?
179
00:08:48,258 --> 00:08:49,259
Uncle Andy put it in.
180
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,063
He said we had to send
a message to Whitey.
181
00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:54,805
Whitey?
182
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,307
Nothing like a brush with death
183
00:08:58,308 --> 00:09:00,871
to put you in the mood
for fine English caramel.
184
00:09:07,117 --> 00:09:08,248
(GOBBLING)
185
00:09:11,181 --> 00:09:13,152
Uh...
186
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,054
JIM: Andy,
will you stop it?
187
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,786
(GRUNTS)
188
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:18,027
(GOBBLING)
189
00:09:18,028 --> 00:09:19,590
Andy, enough!
190
00:09:27,698 --> 00:09:29,199
(SCREAMING)
191
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,173
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
192
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:36,746
Hey, no fair,
193
00:09:36,747 --> 00:09:39,078
Dana's in twice
as many pictures as me.
194
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,159
That's 'cause you take up
twice as much of the frame.
195
00:09:42,653 --> 00:09:44,083
Ow!
Hey, hey, hey!
196
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,585
All right, you guys, can we
just act like adults for once?
197
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,688
Sure.
198
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,219
(SCREAMS)
199
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:51,861
I'll give you five bucks
200
00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,193
if you touch that lady's hair.
201
00:09:56,366 --> 00:09:57,867
Five bucks?
202
00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,129
Five bucks, just to touch it?
203
00:10:08,338 --> 00:10:11,081
Do you feel my hand on
the top of your underwear?
204
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:15,645
Yes. Yes, I do.
205
00:10:15,646 --> 00:10:16,986
Yeah.
206
00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:18,818
Well, how would you feel
207
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,920
if I pulled it up
over your head?
208
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,092
(LAUGHS)
209
00:10:23,754 --> 00:10:26,256
You wouldn't dare,
not in a public place.
210
00:10:33,203 --> 00:10:35,065
(PANTING)
211
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:45,174
All right!
212
00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:47,346
(SCREAMS)
Oh, God, no! No!
213
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,418
Tell me!
I don't know anything!
214
00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:51,951
(HAWKING)
(SCREAMS) All right!
215
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,282
Ooh, I want this big one here.
216
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:54,684
No, that one's mine.
217
00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:56,757
Oh, really?
We'll see about that.
218
00:10:57,828 --> 00:10:59,029
(SPITS)
219
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,094
Well played.
220
00:11:05,095 --> 00:11:08,367
By the way, I've been spitting
in your coffee the entire cruise.
221
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,839
Please, I knew you'd do that,
222
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,520
so I've been switching
it with your coffee.
223
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,146
Damn it!
I drank my own spit.
224
00:11:17,107 --> 00:11:19,950
I drank my own spit!
225
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,456
(LAUGHING)
226
00:11:27,457 --> 00:11:29,789
Daddy, can you play with us?
227
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:33,322
Well, we're in a room
together. The TV's not on.
228
00:11:33,323 --> 00:11:34,364
That's playing.
229
00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:38,467
You know what used to help
me with numbers and stuff
230
00:11:38,468 --> 00:11:41,370
is like a rhyme or a song
or something like that.
231
00:11:41,371 --> 00:11:43,032
Give me a beat.
Give me a beat.
232
00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:44,835
(BEAT-BOXING)
233
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,380
♪ My name is 18
And I'm two times nine
234
00:11:51,381 --> 00:11:53,883
♪ Man, I'm doing fine
235
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:56,485
♪ I really want
to get up to heaven
236
00:11:56,486 --> 00:11:58,487
♪ Three times nine
is twenty... ♪
237
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,090
Eleven!
No!
238
00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:02,291
No!
239
00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:04,423
Come here, sweetheart,
let me help you here.
240
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,226
Here, yeah, just pick it up.
241
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,359
And you just let it go!
242
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,233
Now remember, if you
do a good job at the game,
243
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,505
I'm gonna give you
a whole dollar!
244
00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,068
Can I get a lollipop, too?
245
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,811
All right.
246
00:12:21,812 --> 00:12:23,332
But it's gonna come
out of your dollar.
247
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,115
Take off your snow clothes.
248
00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,996
Come here, Kyle, let me
take off your coat here.
249
00:12:37,187 --> 00:12:39,389
Okay, girls, back to the park.
250
00:12:41,331 --> 00:12:45,394
And as always,
not a word to your mother.
251
00:12:45,395 --> 00:12:48,868
I just made brownies.
Who wants to lick the bowl?
252
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,270
(ALL CHEERING)
253
00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:51,941
Hey!
254
00:12:51,942 --> 00:12:53,904
Don't worry,
I saved you the beaters.
255
00:12:54,845 --> 00:12:56,145
Just don't make a mess.
256
00:12:56,146 --> 00:12:57,877
When have we ever made a mess?
257
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,049
Please!
258
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:02,281
Will you take it easy?
259
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,884
(FLUSHING)
(EXCLAIMING)
260
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:07,486
Oh, my God, it's gone!
261
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,458
I'll get you a new one.
262
00:13:09,459 --> 00:13:11,320
It's a $300 beard.
263
00:13:11,321 --> 00:13:13,893
I'm not gonna pay $300.
264
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,364
Overflow!
Overflow!
265
00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:18,027
Okay, turn off
the water! Hold on.
266
00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:20,230
It's not moving.
It's not moving!
267
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,372
Okay. All right,
I'm out of here.
268
00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:25,374
No, don't leave me!
269
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,036
I can't have Crannis
find me here.
270
00:13:27,037 --> 00:13:28,538
Oh, my gosh!
271
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,580
(GRUNTS)
272
00:13:32,442 --> 00:13:34,044
Give me a hand!
Give me a hand!
273
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,416
Give me a hand!
274
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,019
Don't touch me there.
275
00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:46,196
Ow! Ow! Ow!
276
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,901
Coming!
277
00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:58,168
(SCREAMS)
278
00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:11,320
I'd give it a minute.
279
00:14:11,321 --> 00:14:14,354
I did some pretty lethal
food combining tonight.
280
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,457
Hold it! Hold it!
281
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,059
I got it.
Here, here, here!
282
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,291
(SCREAMS)
283
00:14:28,398 --> 00:14:29,999
You ass!
284
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,102
There are children here.
Watch your mouth.
285
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:37,978
Jim!
286
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:45,454
(JIM SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
287
00:14:45,455 --> 00:14:46,616
Oh, Andy!
288
00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:50,660
Jim!
Get me off this thing!
289
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:58,568
Andy! Andy!
290
00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:02,501
Hey! Ow!
291
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,334
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
292
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,578
Thought you guys might
want some napkins.
293
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,380
Oh, my God.
294
00:15:11,381 --> 00:15:13,542
Bears have better table
manners than you two.
295
00:15:13,543 --> 00:15:16,286
Come on. Hey, be
nice, it's his anniversary.
296
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,448
When am I not nice?
297
00:15:19,389 --> 00:15:20,590
Please!
Please!
298
00:15:21,591 --> 00:15:24,293
Aunt Dana, will you
ever have a baby?
299
00:15:24,294 --> 00:15:26,025
Oh, of course I will, sweetie.
300
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,226
But what if you don't?
301
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,657
What did I just say?
Now get off my back.
302
00:15:28,658 --> 00:15:30,099
Hey, Jim, why don't you
lie down on the couch?
303
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,531
We can pretend
it's your funeral.
304
00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:35,404
Oh, no, we can't!
305
00:15:35,405 --> 00:15:36,706
There's too many people here.
306
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,468
You have the luxury
of being yourself
307
00:15:39,469 --> 00:15:41,041
because you married beneath you!
308
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:47,276
No offense, Jim.
309
00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:49,718
None taken.
I married up.
310
00:15:49,719 --> 00:15:52,451
I love our bed. I don't want
to give up our mattress.
311
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,423
To be fair, she's already
given up her career,
312
00:15:54,424 --> 00:15:56,355
her ambition, and her dignity.
313
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,658
I would never do that!
(LAUGHS)
314
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:01,461
I know, because you're not fun.
315
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:07,566
That is a lousy thing to say.
316
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:11,171
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you knew.
317
00:16:12,502 --> 00:16:14,704
Oh, this book is...
318
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,351
(JIM READING)
319
00:16:22,352 --> 00:16:24,353
(ANDY READING)
320
00:16:24,354 --> 00:16:26,215
She made this
for my mom, not you!
321
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:29,758
Mmm-hmm. Ha, she
forgot our anniversary!
322
00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:31,590
Yes!
323
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,622
I told you one day she
would finally screw up!
324
00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:35,324
You're right again.
325
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:37,466
Yeah, you know more about
women than anyone else.
326
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:41,500
Yes, I have a master's
degree in chick-ology.
327
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,504
It's not a natural thing
for men to get married!
328
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:47,376
It just isn't!
329
00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:51,440
I mean, you know, it's the
cavewomen that came up with that
330
00:16:51,441 --> 00:16:54,513
because they didn't know
how to start fires, you see.
331
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,744
That's the truth.
332
00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:59,518
And then man created
the wheel to get away.
333
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,721
There's not one thing in this
room that I've picked, not one thing!
334
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,395
Look, anything there? No.
Anything here? No. Look.
335
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,657
Bonsai tree, yours.
336
00:17:08,658 --> 00:17:10,629
Dust ruffle, yours.
337
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,161
Duvet, yours.
338
00:17:12,162 --> 00:17:15,804
And the fact that I even know
those words makes my skin crawl!
339
00:17:15,805 --> 00:17:18,607
Come on,
you girls have everything!
340
00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:21,210
You do!
You're better looking.
341
00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:25,043
You give birth.
You run companies!
342
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,117
You run countries!
You can talk better than us!
343
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,419
You're smarter than us!
You've got everything!
344
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:32,682
You're even killing
your own bugs now.
345
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:38,288
Come on, all we got is we
lift heavy objects and sports!
346
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:40,089
We have sports.
347
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:41,760
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
you got sports.
348
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,234
You can have
your synchronized swimming
349
00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:47,236
and that thing in the Olympics
350
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:48,767
where they, you know,
dance around
351
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,470
with a ribbon on a stick.
352
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,675
Which, by the way,
is not a sport.
353
00:17:56,846 --> 00:17:58,677
What do you mean,
it's not a sport?
354
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:02,111
Well, call Vegas,
put a bet on it!
355
00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:06,115
And women sometimes send
some crazy messages.
356
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,257
Like your sleeve
is not a Kleenex.
357
00:18:08,258 --> 00:18:10,319
Exactly!
358
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,121
I'm damn lucky you're
here to set me straight.
359
00:18:12,122 --> 00:18:14,463
I know! That's what I've
been telling your mother!
360
00:18:14,464 --> 00:18:16,765
Every time I screw up,
we have to sit down
361
00:18:16,766 --> 00:18:19,329
and have one
of these "feelings talks."
362
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:25,204
All right? But when you screw
up, we just want to "let it go"?
363
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,875
No, I don't want
to "Let it go."
364
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:30,108
I want to have a
feelings talk right now.
365
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:34,184
I want to say the things
to you, that you say to me.
366
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,715
(SIGHS)
367
00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:37,417
Look at me.
368
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:41,790
Look at me.
369
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:42,852
Oh!
370
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,295
(SIGHS)
371
00:18:46,796 --> 00:18:48,398
What were you thinking?
372
00:18:51,401 --> 00:18:53,363
I am at the end of my rope.
373
00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:05,214
Cheryl...
Hi, sweetie.
374
00:19:05,215 --> 00:19:07,546
Happy anniversary.
Oh, thank you.
375
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,278
You know what?
376
00:19:09,279 --> 00:19:10,719
Uh, honey, what are you doing?
377
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,251
Well, I am so ashamed.
378
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,352
What?
379
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,783
Well, you gave me
a gift from the heart,
380
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:16,585
and I just went to some mall
381
00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:18,387
and maxed out our credit card.
382
00:19:18,388 --> 00:19:19,588
Honey, I love that pendant.
383
00:19:19,589 --> 00:19:20,829
No, Cheryl, I know that,
384
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:22,792
but I want to
make you something.
385
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:25,934
Well, but...
A poem.
386
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:26,936
Oh...
387
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,599
"With eyes of blue
and hair of yellow,
388
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,900
(GIGGLES)
389
00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:34,943
"You make me feel
like a lucky fellow.
390
00:19:34,944 --> 00:19:37,776
"You clean the house
and cook the food.
391
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:40,409
"Despite three kids,
you still look good."
392
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:41,910
Aw!
393
00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:44,783
"Your love for me
I've always trusted,
394
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,786
"until today, because now
395
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,388
"you are busted!"
396
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,691
♪ Busted, busted, busted
busted, busted, busted!
397
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,793
♪ Yes, yes, busted ♪
Fine, fine, fine.
398
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,295
Fine, I deserve that.
399
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,696
Uh...
I'm an awful person.
400
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,298
I forgot our anniversary.
401
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,401
Cheryl... How could I
forget such a special day?
402
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,972
Cheryl, let me finish my poem.
403
00:20:03,973 --> 00:20:06,275
Oh.
404
00:20:06,276 --> 00:20:08,508
"Our anniversary date
was not on your list.
405
00:20:09,439 --> 00:20:10,880
"But the perfect gift
406
00:20:11,741 --> 00:20:14,484
"is just one kiss."
407
00:20:17,987 --> 00:20:19,249
Aw!
408
00:20:57,327 --> 00:20:58,358
There.
409
00:20:59,389 --> 00:21:01,490
(SIGHS) Honey.
410
00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:02,891
Happy anniversary.
411
00:21:02,892 --> 00:21:04,733
It is so beautiful.
Thank you.
412
00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:06,465
You're welcome.
413
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,037
Are there earrings
that go with this?
414
00:21:09,038 --> 00:21:12,901
Uh, maybe for your birthday
415
00:21:12,902 --> 00:21:14,573
in...
August.
416
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,605
August.
417
00:21:16,606 --> 00:21:17,906
Fourteenth.
Twenty-third.
418
00:21:17,907 --> 00:21:18,978
Twenty third.
26149
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