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1
00:00:01,132 --> 00:00:02,502
Ooh!
(CROWD EXCLAIMING ON TV)
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,205
(GRUNTS) Come on, Ortiz!
Quit dancing!
3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,378
It's a cage match,
not a tea party!
4
00:00:08,539 --> 00:00:10,380
Choke him out, Donnelly!
5
00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,142
You know what I like
about that Donnelly?
6
00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:13,313
He's not in it for the money.
7
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,785
He just likes to hurt people.
8
00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:19,189
Okay, so explain
to me again the difference
9
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:21,451
between ultimate cage
fighting and regular boxing.
10
00:00:21,452 --> 00:00:23,693
Well, first of all,
there's a cage.
11
00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,055
Which is an octagon.
12
00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:26,127
Instead of a ring.
13
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,758
Which is square.
14
00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,029
And there's no rules,
15
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,203
so it makes it illegal
everywhere except for Asia.
16
00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:35,765
And Alabama.
17
00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:37,407
(THUDDING ON TV)
Ooh!
18
00:00:37,408 --> 00:00:38,508
(CROWD SHOUTING ON TV)
19
00:00:38,509 --> 00:00:40,670
As you can see,
the crotch is in play.
20
00:00:40,671 --> 00:00:42,242
Right.
21
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,473
(DOORBELL RINGS)
22
00:00:43,474 --> 00:00:46,476
Hey, Jim,
are you expecting anyone?
23
00:00:46,477 --> 00:00:49,419
What, like a friend?
24
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,251
ANDY: Come on, now.
Come on, come on, come on.
25
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,123
Oh, hi, Mr. Osgood.
26
00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:54,184
Oh, now, please, Cheryl,
27
00:00:54,185 --> 00:00:56,426
I told you before, it's Bertram.
28
00:00:56,427 --> 00:00:59,159
Mr. Osgood was my father,
and he's passed on.
29
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,290
Oh, I'm sorry.
30
00:01:00,291 --> 00:01:01,561
Well, I'm not.
I hated him.
31
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,163
Oh.
32
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,834
Anyway, I got some
of your mail again.
33
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,136
Oh.
34
00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,237
(BELL DINGING ON TV)
(ALL GROAN)
35
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,298
Now, what?
36
00:01:08,299 --> 00:01:10,700
Two minutes. 75 bucks?
37
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,342
It's over? That's it?
38
00:01:12,343 --> 00:01:16,276
What's the matter, can't you
fight with a compound fracture?
39
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,078
Bertram, please, would you
like to come in? Sure. Thank you.
40
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,351
Oh, you know what? I
actually think this is yours. It's...
41
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,452
(GASPS)
42
00:01:22,453 --> 00:01:23,783
It's opera tickets.
43
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,517
Jim, Bertram has
tickets to... Ah...
44
00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:30,390
"Die Fledermaus."
45
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,662
Is that the one
where everyone thinks
46
00:01:32,663 --> 00:01:35,725
the baby kangaroo
is a giant mouse?
47
00:01:35,726 --> 00:01:37,597
Different classic,
but just as good.
48
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,329
(LAUGHS)
49
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:40,870
Are you an opera fan, Cheryl?
50
00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:43,333
Oh, oh, I...
I've never actually gone,
51
00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:45,135
but I have seen it on TV.
52
00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:47,738
I see a lot of fun things on TV
that I've never actually been to.
53
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,540
'Cause...
54
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:52,701
I'm gonna die in this house
having never been anywhere.
55
00:01:54,285 --> 00:01:55,485
Well, would you like my...
56
00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:56,517
Oh, God, yes.
57
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,749
Dana! Friday, huh?
58
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,621
Oh, yeah.
59
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,792
Well, I have to check my
book, but I'm pretty sure
60
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,393
I'm doing something
that I wouldn't hate.
61
00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:08,458
Andy. Andy, opera, huh?
62
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:09,899
Strauss? Please.
63
00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:12,762
I like my coffee black,
my women on the rebound,
64
00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,336
and my opera Italian.
Thank you, no.
65
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,141
I won't even ask.
66
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,544
Atta girl.
Yeah.
67
00:02:25,176 --> 00:02:27,377
Hey, why don't you, uh...
68
00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:28,648
Why don't you go with Bertram?
69
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,820
Oh, would that be okay with you?
70
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,452
Well, I would be delighted.
71
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,623
That is, if you don't mind
72
00:02:33,624 --> 00:02:35,385
being seen on the arm
of an old man.
73
00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:38,588
Oh, please. I've been
to better places with worse.
74
00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:40,660
(LAUGHS)
75
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,664
(LAUGHS) It's true. She's
dated some real losers.
76
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,537
Just one.
Just one.
77
00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:49,939
Well, that's great,
then, Cheryl.
78
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,841
I will see you on Friday.
79
00:02:51,842 --> 00:02:53,743
Oh, and, uh, you're
gonna have to drive,
80
00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:55,805
because I'm not allowed to,
after dark.
81
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:58,349
Oh, it would be
my pleasure. Sure.
82
00:02:59,410 --> 00:03:00,550
(EXCLAIMS)
83
00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:03,513
Well, I am going to the opera.
84
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,815
And I'm not.
85
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,289
Win-win.
86
00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:16,527
JIM: Oh, baby!
87
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,729
Where's Mommy's apron?
88
00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,972
Uh, boy, are you
asking the wrong guy.
89
00:03:23,274 --> 00:03:25,435
We're gonna play house.
Kyle's the baby.
90
00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:29,309
I lie down,
and they bring me food.
91
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,343
Honey, that's not the baby.
That's the daddy.
92
00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:34,914
Go on.
(BELL DINGS)
93
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,686
Hey, would one of you
get the dinger?
94
00:03:36,687 --> 00:03:37,688
No.
95
00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:40,890
Dinger! Dinger!
96
00:03:40,891 --> 00:03:43,393
Cheryl! Dinger!
I know, I know.
97
00:03:43,394 --> 00:03:45,325
Would it kill you
to turn it off?
98
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,826
Cheryl, that's your area.
99
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,027
I'm just trying to respect it.
100
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,632
(HUMMING OPERA MUSIC)
101
00:03:53,464 --> 00:03:54,765
What the hell's that?
102
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,307
It's been a whole day.
103
00:03:57,308 --> 00:03:58,868
How long does that
opera buzz last?
104
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:02,342
Oh, Jim, it is such
a romantic story.
105
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:05,345
You see, Alfred is still in love
with his old girlfriend Rosalinde...
106
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,679
Right... but she is married
to Gabriel von Eisenstein.
107
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,621
A love triangle.
108
00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:12,823
How fresh.
109
00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:14,824
And then afterwards,
110
00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:17,758
Bertram and I went out
and discussed it over tea.
111
00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:20,490
Tea?
Yes!
112
00:04:20,491 --> 00:04:23,533
Hold the phone! I didn't
know there'd be tea!
113
00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:25,765
Oh, fine.
114
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,767
Make fun if you want,
but just once,
115
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,499
it would be nice to go
to something with you
116
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,941
that didn't involve the
words "nitro burning."
117
00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:36,275
Hey, how about...
Or "totally nude."
118
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,979
You know, Cheryl, they have a
British dancer there. That's culture.
119
00:04:40,311 --> 00:04:42,382
Like this, honey.
Look, look.
120
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,714
There's a foreign film
festival at the Hillhurst.
121
00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:45,915
(DOORBELL RINGS)
122
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:47,857
(GASPS)
I don't know, Cheryl.
123
00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:49,759
Honey, come on.
It'll be fun.
124
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,391
Yeah, it might be fun,
but then what happens?
125
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,323
We're going to spend
the rest of our lives
126
00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:55,294
chasing that high
with drugs and alcohol.
127
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,526
Oh.
128
00:04:56,527 --> 00:04:57,927
No, no, no.
129
00:04:57,928 --> 00:05:00,430
Jim, there's a lot
of culture in this city.
130
00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:01,831
We should take advantage of it.
131
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:04,334
All right, I'll take
you to the zoo. Oh.
132
00:05:04,335 --> 00:05:06,075
All right, all right, I'll take
you to the foreign film.
133
00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:08,378
(EXCLAIMS) I
hope it's subtitled.
134
00:05:08,379 --> 00:05:10,540
There's nothing I like more
than reading a good movie.
135
00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:11,542
Oh.
136
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:14,444
Oh, hey, Bertram.
How are you?
137
00:05:14,445 --> 00:05:15,685
Hello, Jim.
Hey!
138
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,417
Cheryl, I thought
you might like this CD.
139
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,620
It's La traviata
with Hildegard Behrens.
140
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,052
It's a real barn burner.
141
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,624
Thank you so much,
142
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,596
and thank you for
taking me to the opera.
143
00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:27,927
You know what?
I baked you some cookies.
144
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,099
I'm gonna go pack them
up for you. (CHUCKLES)
145
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,662
Well, come on in.
Please, please.
146
00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:35,436
Here, here, have a seat.
Wherever you want, Bert.
147
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,507
You mind I call you Bert?
148
00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:38,938
Uh, actually,
I'd rather you didn't.
149
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:42,342
Bert always reminds me of
that puppet on Sesame Street.
150
00:05:43,974 --> 00:05:45,546
Who, uh, Ernie?
151
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:52,753
Sure.
Yeah.
152
00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:55,354
Oh!
153
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,127
Man, you guys must have had
a great time last night.
154
00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,059
She's been singing
all day back there.
155
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,991
Well, Cheryl is
delightful company.
156
00:06:01,992 --> 00:06:03,963
She is smart, and she's funny,
157
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,966
and she's considerate enough
to spend time with an old man.
158
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,738
Oh, come on.
How old are you?
159
00:06:08,739 --> 00:06:10,471
I'm 76.
Holy...
160
00:06:14,104 --> 00:06:16,607
You want a shawl
or a blanket or something?
161
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,881
Oh, look, the newspaper.
162
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,013
Huh, that's funny.
163
00:06:24,014 --> 00:06:26,487
Five mornings out of seven,
I never get mine.
164
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,761
That is funny.
165
00:06:31,762 --> 00:06:34,123
Hey, the foreign
film festival. Hmm.
166
00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:35,665
Are you folks going?
167
00:06:35,666 --> 00:06:38,568
Yeah, my wife's dragging
me to The Bicycle Thief.
168
00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:40,570
Well, Jim, you're in
for a real treat.
169
00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:43,773
The Bicycle Thief is one of the
great works of European cinema.
170
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:46,777
Oh, I got a few European
films in a box in the attic.
171
00:06:49,179 --> 00:06:51,581
Yeah, every once in a while
172
00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:52,913
I have my own festival.
173
00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,017
So, you like
The Bicycle Thief, huh?
174
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,088
Oh, I love it.
175
00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,650
Huh.
176
00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:02,853
Well, that's interesting.
Why...
177
00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:07,497
Why don't you take Cheryl
to see The Bicycle Thief?
178
00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:09,198
Really?
Sure.
179
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,900
You know what?
It would make her happy,
180
00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:12,502
and I like seeing her happy.
181
00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:14,764
And believe me, I don't
want to be up all night,
182
00:07:14,765 --> 00:07:16,907
standing in the bathroom
peeing out tea.
183
00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:19,809
I hear that.
184
00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:21,671
Yeah.
185
00:07:21,672 --> 00:07:23,843
Well, I would really
love to take her.
186
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,815
That is, with your
kind permission.
187
00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:27,817
Oh, permission granted.
Are you sure?
188
00:07:27,818 --> 00:07:29,479
Oh, of course I'm sure.
189
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,751
I'm the one who told you to
do it. So you wouldn't mind?
190
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,725
Oh, just take my wife
to the damn movie, pops!
191
00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:43,093
(PLAYING THE BLUES)
192
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,871
Jim! Hey, Jim!
193
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,042
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
194
00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:55,474
Ay, chihuahua.
195
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,176
So, honey,
I'll be back by 10:00.
196
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,908
Okay, okay, wait a minute,
honey, come here.
197
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,611
Listen, uh... I know you're
going to be with Bertram,
198
00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:04,153
but you're going downtown,
so please, park on the street,
199
00:08:04,154 --> 00:08:06,194
'cause I'm not paying
those parking structure rates.
200
00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:08,058
(MOUTHING)
201
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,259
Who's Bertram?
202
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:12,121
Oh, he's just a neighbor.
203
00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:14,193
Cheryl's going out on the
town with another dude?
204
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,996
Oh, he's not another dude.
He's just some old guy.
205
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,699
He takes her to the symphony
and, you know, the opera,
206
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,601
and all the crap I hate.
207
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,604
You think he'd take
my wife to church?
208
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:29,939
You know, Jim, an
old man is still a man.
209
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,511
ANDY: That's right.
Oh, please, knock it off.
210
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,983
No, no, it's true.
211
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:36,546
I once walked in on
my grandparents doing it.
212
00:08:36,547 --> 00:08:38,147
What?
213
00:08:38,148 --> 00:08:40,550
Yeah, yeah.
They were in their 70s,
214
00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:42,952
but Gramps was really putting
Nana through her paces.
215
00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:44,554
Ew!
Come on!
216
00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:47,628
Can we change the subject here?
217
00:08:48,799 --> 00:08:50,700
You know, they got
these pills now
218
00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:53,002
that'll turn an old man
into a teenager.
219
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,835
Yeah, Admiral Winky
can sure stay on the bridge
220
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,136
a lot longer than he used to.
221
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,738
(ALL LAUGHING)
222
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:02,271
I mean, they got
four hour, six hour,
223
00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:04,174
and now the new 36 hour.
224
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,977
Hey, 80 is the new 60.
225
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:10,751
They really are
the greatest generation.
226
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,156
Jim, Jim.
Are you ready?
227
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,159
Huh? What?
228
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,231
Hey, count it off, man.
Yeah, count it. I'm counting.
229
00:09:22,232 --> 00:09:24,193
Okay, one, two, three, four.
230
00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:26,066
(PLAYING THE BLUES)
231
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:37,677
Oh, see, Bertram, you didn't
have to walk me to the door.
232
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,808
I'm fine.
233
00:09:38,809 --> 00:09:40,349
Well, you can't be too careful.
234
00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,783
I didn't like the look of some
of them squirrels out front.
235
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,255
Oh. (LAUGHS)
236
00:09:47,357 --> 00:09:49,159
(SCREAMS) Jim!
237
00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:52,793
Oh, you scared me to death.
238
00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:54,324
Did I?
239
00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:56,365
(EXHALES)
240
00:09:56,366 --> 00:09:58,928
I'm sorry, my pet.
241
00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:01,832
I was waiting up for you,
and I must have nodded off.
242
00:10:05,135 --> 00:10:07,106
What time is it?
243
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,239
Oh, mercy me,
it's after 1:00.
244
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,311
1:00? (GASPS)
245
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,815
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
I should have called.
246
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,947
I had no idea how late it was.
247
00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:19,849
After the ballet,
Bertram and I went
248
00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:21,792
to this jazz club
he knows about.
249
00:10:22,653 --> 00:10:23,854
Bertram.
250
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:25,726
Yes.
251
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,898
Bertram.
252
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,761
(YAWNS) What a night.
253
00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:34,764
Oh, my God, you must be
just exhausted.
254
00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,005
Why don't you go upstairs
to bed, honey?
255
00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:37,807
I'll see Bertram out.
256
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,739
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
257
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,342
Bertram, thank you for
a lovely, lovely evening.
258
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,245
(BERTRAM CHUCKLING)
(MOUTHING)
259
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,417
So I'll see you on Saturday.
260
00:10:48,418 --> 00:10:50,720
Right. The symphony.
I can't wait.
261
00:10:50,721 --> 00:10:52,221
(LAUGHS)
262
00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:53,422
All right, baby.
263
00:10:53,423 --> 00:10:55,324
I'll be up there in a second
264
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,227
to take my place beside you.
265
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,259
In our bed.
266
00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:02,432
All right.
267
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,238
Mmm.
268
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,844
What was that?
269
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,005
What?
270
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,707
No, no, no, you just made a...
271
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:18,778
You just made a sound.
272
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,309
Oh, I was just
clearing my throat.
273
00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:21,782
No. No, no.
274
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,285
You went "mmm."
275
00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:29,189
Clearing your throat
is "ahem."
276
00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:33,193
You just made the
"I want to hit that" noise.
277
00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:38,367
I'm sorry, Jim, but I don't
understand what you're saying.
278
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,169
It's been a long night.
I'm going home.
279
00:11:40,170 --> 00:11:42,432
Well, you can stay home.
Well, thank you. I live there.
280
00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:46,276
You listen to me, pal.
281
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,338
Here's the deal.
282
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:51,340
You and Cheryl are over.
283
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,783
I don't want you to talk to
her, I don't want you to see her,
284
00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:55,785
I don't want you
calling her. You got it?
285
00:11:55,786 --> 00:11:57,146
Yes, but I don't
understand what you're...
286
00:11:57,147 --> 00:11:59,348
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh.
287
00:11:59,349 --> 00:12:01,821
I think you do understand.
288
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,352
Just because a dog is droopy
289
00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:05,826
doesn't mean
he can't still hunt.
290
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,201
Is this another
Sesame Street thing?
291
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:16,465
I want you out of here
by the time I count five,
292
00:12:16,466 --> 00:12:18,067
or I'm going
to turn that hose on you.
293
00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:19,508
But, Jim, this was
all your idea!
294
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:20,510
One!
295
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:23,413
Two, three, four, five!
296
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,016
(LAUGHS)
297
00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,378
BERTRAM: Whoa! Cold!
298
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,525
Okay, I'll be home by
10:00, 10:30 at the latest,
299
00:12:36,526 --> 00:12:38,888
and no surprises this time.
300
00:12:38,889 --> 00:12:40,529
Ha, I'm confident about that.
301
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:41,961
(LAUGHS)
302
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,463
Hey. Hey, well, look at you.
303
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,135
Hot date tonight?
304
00:12:46,136 --> 00:12:48,767
Yeah, you.
305
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,870
Didn't Jim tell you? I'm
taking you to the symphony.
306
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,441
What? Where's Bertram?
307
00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:54,774
Yes. Bertram. Yes.
308
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,847
He's a creep, honey.
309
00:12:57,848 --> 00:13:00,549
Uh, I'm gonna have Andy
take you on dates from now on.
310
00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:02,511
What? Uh, the shoes
stay on for an hour.
311
00:13:02,512 --> 00:13:04,153
After that, no promises.
312
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:07,416
Wait, wait.
I'm not going with you.
313
00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:10,419
Bertram is not a creep.
He's a sweet, old man.
314
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:12,521
Yeah, a sweet, old man
who wants to get down on it.
315
00:13:12,522 --> 00:13:14,363
Oh, come on.
316
00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,795
Cheryl, trust me.
You should have seen him.
317
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,297
When you were going up
the stairs the other night,
318
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,570
he made the "mmm" sound.
319
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,532
"Mmm"?
No, no, no, no.
320
00:13:23,533 --> 00:13:25,304
Not "mmm" from the throat.
321
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,177
"Mmm" from the loins.
322
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:30,940
It's a guy thing. And,
honey, it is uncontrollable.
323
00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:33,012
Oh, come...
No. It's true, Cheryl.
324
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:36,215
I "mmm'd" a meter maid
at the DMV yesterday.
325
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,918
What is it about those uniforms?
326
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,189
Mmm.
Mmm.
327
00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:41,221
Oh.
328
00:13:41,852 --> 00:13:43,252
Beat it.
329
00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:45,454
Fine. Next time, Jim,
330
00:13:45,455 --> 00:13:47,256
green-light your scheme
with the wife
331
00:13:47,257 --> 00:13:49,359
before I squat the crease
out of my suit.
332
00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:53,432
Jim, how dare you?
333
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,934
Bertram's my friend.
334
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,867
He's not your friend,
Cheryl. He's a guy.
335
00:13:57,868 --> 00:14:00,009
And you put a guy
in the batter's box,
336
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:01,371
he's gonna take a swing.
337
00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:05,344
He's a 76-year-old man.
338
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,617
Man, Cheryl, that's
the operative word. Man.
339
00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:11,250
I'll admit I was fooled
by the age, too,
340
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,621
but he's a man,
341
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,124
and I'm a man,
and I'm your husband.
342
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,426
Therefore, it is my job
to protect you.
343
00:14:17,427 --> 00:14:19,158
I don't want to ruin
your friendship.
344
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,630
It's just my job.
345
00:14:21,631 --> 00:14:25,434
Deciding who I'm
friends with is not your job.
346
00:14:25,435 --> 00:14:29,038
(LAUGHS) That's a very
common mistake, Cheryl.
347
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,901
Lots of wives make that mistake.
348
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,203
You know what? You're
wrong about Bertram.
349
00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,504
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
350
00:14:35,505 --> 00:14:38,308
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
351
00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:40,379
Where are you going?
352
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,611
I'm going for a drive to think,
353
00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,155
if I have my
protector's permission.
354
00:14:48,418 --> 00:14:49,619
Granted!
355
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,492
(DOORBELL RINGS)
356
00:14:55,966 --> 00:14:58,297
Cheryl, what are you doing here?
357
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,300
Jim's not with you, is he?
358
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,671
No, no, I...
359
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:06,135
Look, I'm just gonna give you the
standard speech I give all the neighbors.
360
00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:09,278
Dear sir or madam,
apparently my husband has
361
00:15:09,279 --> 00:15:12,341
insert appalling action here.
362
00:15:12,342 --> 00:15:14,443
While this is by no means
an admission of guilt
363
00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:18,147
or legal liability
on Jim's part,
364
00:15:18,148 --> 00:15:20,920
please accept this green bean
casserole as a peace offering.
365
00:15:22,352 --> 00:15:24,023
I kind of stormed out,
366
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,654
so I'm gonna have to
owe you the casserole.
367
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,096
Thank you.
368
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,497
Please, come on in.
369
00:15:28,498 --> 00:15:30,059
Oh, thank you.
370
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,530
Yeah, Bertram,
would you please tell me
371
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,032
what happened
between you and Jim?
372
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,263
Well, I don't know.
373
00:15:34,264 --> 00:15:36,265
He just flew off the
handle the other night.
374
00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:37,566
(EXHALES)
375
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:39,638
He thinks you have
ulterior motives.
376
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,440
Oh, is that it?
377
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,443
The man is so hard to read.
378
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,646
He... He thinks
you made an "mmm" noise.
379
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,519
(CHUCKLES) Cheryl,
I'm 76 years old.
380
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,181
I make all kinds of noises.
381
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:53,552
(LAUGHS)
382
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,124
Look, please, sit down.
Ah.
383
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:56,585
You look a little shook up.
384
00:15:56,586 --> 00:15:58,988
I was just having a glass
of wine. Would you like one?
385
00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:00,459
You know, that would be great.
386
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,091
Thank you.
387
00:16:02,092 --> 00:16:04,693
Oh, I love him to death,
but I swear to God,
388
00:16:04,694 --> 00:16:06,665
sometimes he is just a caveman.
389
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,638
Here, here.
Oh.
390
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,541
To the performing arts.
391
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,103
Ah.
392
00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:20,509
Mmm. Oh, that is lovely.
393
00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:23,152
Yes, well, that's
a California Merlot.
394
00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:25,354
I hope it's not too pedestrian.
395
00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:27,016
Mmm.
396
00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:28,258
(SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
397
00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,022
You know, I mean, I...
398
00:16:33,023 --> 00:16:35,094
I get to choose my own friends.
399
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,627
I... I just want someone
I can do things with.
400
00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,200
Hey.
401
00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:44,133
Is that the music
from the jazz club?
402
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:45,474
It sure is.
403
00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,676
It's very soothing, isn't it?
404
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:50,339
Yes. You know, it is.
405
00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:52,381
It's... It's just...
It's amazing to me.
406
00:16:52,382 --> 00:16:54,513
It's like Jim really
doesn't believe that
407
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,286
a straight man can be friends
with an attractive woman.
408
00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:59,249
The man is a neanderthal.
409
00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:04,393
No, no, no.
410
00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:08,057
He's a good guy. It's just that
sometimes, he gets these crazy ideas.
411
00:17:08,058 --> 00:17:09,398
(CHUCKLES)
412
00:17:09,399 --> 00:17:11,530
What smells so good?
413
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,802
Oh, that's the candle.
414
00:17:13,803 --> 00:17:16,465
It's called
"tropical passion."
415
00:17:16,466 --> 00:17:18,537
I see.
Ah.
416
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,340
Those island nights.
417
00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:23,412
Okay.
418
00:17:23,413 --> 00:17:24,743
(LAUGHS)
419
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,275
You know what?
420
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,547
Jim is not gonna
ruin our symphony date.
421
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,749
So you go get your suit on,
and let's go.
422
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,121
No, what's the rush?
423
00:17:32,122 --> 00:17:34,783
Why don't we just sit
and finish our wine?
424
00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:37,687
Oh, but we're gonna be late for
the symphony. Shh, shh, shh, shh.
425
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:42,762
(WHISPERS) Oh, but we're
gonna be late for the symphony.
426
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,196
Mmm.
427
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:52,572
Oh, my God.
That's the noise.
428
00:17:54,444 --> 00:17:55,705
Oh, my God!
429
00:17:56,446 --> 00:17:57,606
Oh...
430
00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:00,849
That did come from your loins!
431
00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:03,852
The question is, what kind of
noise are your loins making now?
432
00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,185
Now, Bertram!
433
00:18:06,456 --> 00:18:08,117
Damn it.
434
00:18:08,118 --> 00:18:09,418
I thought we were friends.
435
00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:10,619
Oh, we are, we are.
436
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,421
Just think how much
better friends we'll be
437
00:18:12,422 --> 00:18:13,862
when we see each other naked.
438
00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:15,195
(GROANS)
439
00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:18,197
Where are you going?
440
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,399
Where am I going? I'm
going to the symphony.
441
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,670
Alone.
442
00:18:21,671 --> 00:18:22,771
You, uh...
443
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:24,533
You know what
the saddest part is?
444
00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:26,605
It's not just that
our friendship is over,
445
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,807
which it is.
446
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,310
It's that Jim
was right about you.
447
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,212
Men are animals.
448
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,844
Oh, no, Cheryl,
men aren't animals.
449
00:18:35,845 --> 00:18:39,388
Men are men, at all ages.
450
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,720
Ah, what an old fool I am.
451
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,793
I went and ruined
a great friendship.
452
00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:48,458
It's just that I've been so
lonely since my dear Adele died.
453
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,631
Not working. All
right, I'll see you.
454
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:07,877
Commence firing.
455
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:13,923
Come on, tuba player.
Stay still.
456
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,287
(CLINKING)
457
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:19,429
Sweet.
458
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,161
MAN: Hey!
459
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:28,538
Hey...
460
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,700
What are you doing here?
461
00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:34,843
Well, I thought if you
came alone, I'd be your date,
462
00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:37,277
and if you came with
Bertram, I'd kick his ass.
463
00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,680
You're alone, right?
Yeah.
464
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,282
Good.
465
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,483
Now I can put my roll of dimes
back in my change drawer.
466
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,957
You were right.
467
00:19:48,958 --> 00:19:50,660
Bertram made his move.
468
00:19:53,223 --> 00:19:55,964
Go ahead. Do it.
469
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:57,896
"Well, well, well."
470
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,628
(LAUGHS)
471
00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:01,470
Not this time, Cheryl.
472
00:20:01,471 --> 00:20:03,303
Although I am right,
473
00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:05,434
it is partly my fault.
474
00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:07,537
You set me up with him.
It's all your fault.
475
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:09,909
Well, "all" is a part.
476
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:12,711
Well...
477
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:16,315
You know, I realize
when we do stuff together,
478
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,949
it's not really about
the stuff we do together.
479
00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:23,892
It's that we're together.
480
00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:26,755
Aw, honey.
481
00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:28,897
I like being together
with you, too.
482
00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,899
And we're together
at the symphony.
483
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,861
I finally got you here.
484
00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:34,022
(HAUGHTILY)
Yes, the symphony.
485
00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:38,507
(APPLAUSE) Oh,
shh, it's starting.
486
00:20:38,508 --> 00:20:42,010
Since I'm new at this, you
want to talk me through it?
487
00:20:42,011 --> 00:20:44,573
Ok, down there, those
guys... Mmm-hmm.
488
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:46,946
...they play music,
and we listen.
489
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,480
Well, what am I
supposed to look at?
490
00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:52,522
Shh.
491
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:57,826
(WHISPERS) Cheryl...
492
00:20:57,827 --> 00:20:59,858
Yeah?
493
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,499
You didn't park in
the structure, did you?
494
00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:05,834
You know, Jim...
495
00:21:05,835 --> 00:21:07,035
Some people,
496
00:21:07,036 --> 00:21:10,499
they close their eyes
so they can listen better.
497
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,902
Shh. Close your eyes, quiet.
498
00:21:18,948 --> 00:21:19,948
Mmm.
32317
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