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1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,202
Junior, you left your bike
in the driveway.
2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,207
I'm not going to
move it for you again.
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,540
Junior!
4
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,705
Who's opening for
the Backstreet Boys?
5
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,583
Shut up! Shut up!
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,054
No way! Shut up!
7
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,250
Shut up!
8
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,588
No... Shut up!
9
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,560
Shut up.
10
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,431
Claire, shut up.
11
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,662
So, listen, when do
the Backstreet Boys
tickets go on sales?
12
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,598
Where is your brother?
13
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,508
That is so rude.
14
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,682
Yeah, so is this.
15
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,722
I'm not a fart,
you just don't
make me go away.
16
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,649
And you know you have
a 10-minute limit
on the phone.
17
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,717
How do you know
I've been on the phone
for 10 minutes?
18
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,456
Because I've been
calling the house
for the past 20 minutes
19
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,592
ever since I got off work.
20
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,597
That was you?
21
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,659
See, that's why we need
a second phone line.
22
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,427
No, that's why you need to
click over to call waiting,
23
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,567
because it could be
a very important
business call.
24
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,672
(MUMBLING)
I'm sorry, you're right.
I was just, you know...
25
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,844
Um, can I have an advance
on my allowance?
26
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,443
(MUMBLING)
No, I'm sorry, because
I'm still mad at you.
27
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,846
But, Dad,
that stupid phone rule
isn't fair.
28
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:20,748
Well, it's fair to me,
because I'm the one
that pays the bill.
29
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,481
Dad, you don't get it.
30
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,686
It's my house,
my rules.
31
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,788
Leave the phone down
and pick up
a new attitude.
32
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,789
Junior!
33
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,733
And what are you doing?
34
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,702
Putting lipstick on...
35
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,370
...everybody.
36
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,401
You know better than that.
Where did you get
all this make-up from?
37
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,167
In Mommy's drawers.
38
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,513
You know you're not supposed
to go in Mommy's drawers.
39
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,681
But you go in
Mommy's drawers.
40
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,651
Not without liquor.
41
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,745
How would you like it
if someone put make-up
all over your face?
42
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,357
I wouldn't care.
43
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:04,359
Oh, really?
Well, let's see how much
you don't care.
44
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,373
There. Now you look
like your grandma.
45
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,568
Clean this mess up
and put that stuff back
in your mommy's drawers.
46
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,538
Hey, Junior!
47
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,406
What's his problem?
48
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,450
Uh-huh.
49
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,317
Hey.
50
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,722
Aren't you supposed
to knock?
51
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,863
Aren't you supposed to read
at a 12th-grade average?
52
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:41,331
And aren't you supposed to
keep your bicycle
out of the driveway?
53
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,802
Next time, I'm gonna
run it over. Hello?
54
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,601
I'm talking to you.
I'm talking to you.
55
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:47,904
Look at this room.
It's a mess.
56
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,595
Yeah, but it's my mess
and I love my mess.
57
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,368
I wish it was messier.
58
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,606
Oh, you do, huh?
59
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:56,311
Yeah, I'm comfortable
in this mess.
60
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:59,314
Oh, okay.
Well, let me help you out.
Let me make you real...
61
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:02,377
Ooh, that must make you
kick your feet back, huh?
62
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,846
Yo, what are you doing?
63
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:09,364
Oh, I'm just trying to
make this into a five-star
hotel, Junior style.
64
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:12,460
Oh, and what do
we have here?
We got pizza.
65
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,593
Three-day-old pizza...
What's that?
66
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:17,627
Cheese, pepperoni,
and it looks like
penicillin.
67
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,425
Don't throw it out.
I still might eat it.
68
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,537
Oh, I wouldn't do that.
69
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,669
I was just gonna put it
somewhere where it'd be
comfortable to get.
70
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,735
You know you're not
supposed to have
food in this room.
71
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,784
It'll attract ants
and possibly
Rosie O'Donnell.
72
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,587
It is ridiculous
around here.
73
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,591
He came in
and tore up
my entire room.
74
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,533
He's out of control.
Yeah!
75
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,488
He hung up the phone on me.
76
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,697
And he wouldn't give me
an advance on my allowance.
77
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,299
I have Backstreet Boys
tickets to buy.
78
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,632
He is so unfair.
79
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,636
Yeah!
80
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:58,008
And look at what
he did to Kady.
She looks like Mick Jagger.
81
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,338
Yeah!
82
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,613
Will you shut up?
Will you shut up?
83
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,941
Yeah!
84
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,176
Look, we're not gonna
take this anymore.
85
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,721
I say we stand up
for ourselves
and end his oppression.
86
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,978
Oh, really?
87
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,517
What are you
revolutionaries
up to?
88
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,623
Look, Dad, we're tired
of being told what to do.
89
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,415
And we're not gonna
take it anymore.
90
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,357
Oh, it's like that.
91
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,662
A family coup.
How intriguing.
92
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,370
And who's the mastermind
behind all this?
93
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,339
You could talk to me.
94
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,941
Idiot Amin. Okay.
95
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,713
Well, let me put it
to you this way,
96
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,412
in a way that
you can understand.
97
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:41,084
Think of me as Darth Vader.
And this is my empire.
98
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,424
The last thing you want
is for the empire
to strike back.
99
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,363
But you're going overboard.
100
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:51,658
No, my rules are designed
to protect you
from your own dumb selves.
101
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,502
And I guarantee
you wouldn't last
a week without them.
102
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,528
Look, you're wrong, Dad.
We know how to
take care of ourselves.
103
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,865
Really?
And you all feel
that way?
104
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,970
Definitely.
105
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,401
Definitely.
106
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,571
Okay, I tell you what.
107
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:09,376
For the next seven days,
there are no rules
in this house.
108
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,647
I'm gonna provide
food and shelter,
109
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:15,579
bail money,
if necessary,
but that's it.
110
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,886
And if you guys can go
a whole week without
coming to me for anything,
111
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,589
then there'll be
no more rules
in this house.
112
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,991
Seriously?
113
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,030
You mean
no rules at all?
114
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,998
No, it'll just be like
the Kennedy Compound.
115
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:35,939
However, should you
return to your senses
within the week,
116
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:39,009
as punishment,
you have to hug me
and say,
117
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,439
"I was stupid,
and you're the best dad
in the world."
118
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,111
Deal?
119
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,145
Deal.
Deal.
120
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,449
Deal.
121
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,121
Okay, seven days
start right now.
122
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,950
Goodbye, my little
independent children.
123
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,432
Am I a genius
or what?
124
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,598
I don't trust him.
He's up to something.
125
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,160
(SCOFFS)
Of course he's
up to something.
126
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,497
There's evil in that
little bald head of his.
127
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,995
He thinks we're weak
and we can't take care
of ourselves.
128
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:13,137
But I can't
take care of myself.
I'm only five.
129
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,441
Don't worry, Kady.
We'll help you.
130
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:18,013
That's right.
See, the trick is
we have to stick together.
131
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,945
He's going to try to break us
but we have to be
like the Mouseketeers.
132
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,551
"All for one
and one for all."
133
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,953
That's Musketeers, genius.
134
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:29,886
But I agree with you.
This could be
the best time of our lives.
135
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,923
I'm in.
I'm in.
136
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,888
I'm in.
137
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,996
Well, I'm going to McDonald's
to get a Happy Meal.
Anybody want to come?
138
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,159
I'm out!
139
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,537
What are you doing?
140
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,170
What about
our pact?
141
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,544
Hey, we're talking
Happy Meals.
142
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,645
Okay, you know what
you have to say.
143
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:55,549
I was stupid,
and you're the best dad
in the whole wide world.
144
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,057
Now, let's go, Daddy.
145
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,019
And then
there were two.
146
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,832
How are your ribs, baby?
147
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:16,566
You like your baby back,
baby back, baby back?
148
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,014
Perfect.
Better than McDonald's.
149
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,609
All right.
150
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,211
Yeah, it's the call waiting.
Hold on, let me who it is.
151
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,114
Hello?
152
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,816
No, he can't come
to the phone right now.
153
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,849
No, he's here.
He just can't
come to the phone.
154
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:35,085
Because I'm on
the phone, stupid.
155
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,532
Sorry, it was just
one of my father's
business calls.
156
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,099
Hi, Daddy.
157
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:46,099
Oh, you have to eat
dinner right now?
Oh, that's okay. I'll hold.
158
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:52,142
Well, this no rules thing
is really working out
for you, huh?
159
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,972
It sure is.
160
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,837
Ooh, looks good.
I'm starving.
161
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,206
Mmm-mmm.
162
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,854
Yeah, yeah, you must have
worked up an appetite
on that phone, huh?
163
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:05,851
Unfortunately, this food
is for me and
my good daughter, Kady.
164
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,287
But you said you were
going to provide food.
165
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,562
Yeah, but not this food.
166
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,057
Yo, what's up, Mike.
Yo, check this out.
167
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,566
I'm thinking about taking up
smoking with my meals.
What do you think?
168
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,940
Don't matter to me.
You can eat with your
ding-ding out for all I care.
169
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,576
I might try that.
So, what's for dinner?
170
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:32,149
Well, Kady and I are
having baby back ribs
171
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,279
with that special
barbeque sauce you like.
172
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:38,924
But, you guys,
I went out and bought
you a nice chicken.
173
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,922
A beautiful one.
174
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,964
Whoo, huh?
Look at this.
175
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:46,291
Is that a pretty
yard bird or what?
176
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,127
That's not what chicken
looks like.
177
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:55,204
Odd, isn't it.
See, normally food
is magically transformed
178
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,135
into something you can eat
through this process
179
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,771
we call cooking.
180
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,114
How would I go about
cooking this exactly?
181
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,183
Oh, now that's
the dilemma.
182
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,950
You see advice
183
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,951
is something I only give
to children
184
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,653
who follow my rules.
185
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,885
All right.
I'll just throw it out
eat it raw.
186
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,261
Ever hear of sushi?
187
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,129
Ever hear of Salmonella?
188
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,000
No, but if she can cook,
invite her over.
189
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,302
And that's your leader.
190
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,670
So, how are the rebels
holding up?
191
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,676
Claire's ready to crack.
192
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:39,349
Good. Keep up with
the reports, Agent 29.
193
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,809
(FOOTSTEPS STOMPING)
194
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,348
(CLAIRE SCREAMING)
195
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,422
Hi, sunshine.
196
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,250
Why didn't you wake me up
for school this morning?
197
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,656
It's not my job, Cousin Itt.
198
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,362
(PUFFING)
199
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,060
But you always wake me.
200
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,332
Not anymore.
You're independent now.
201
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,901
You have to set
your own alarm.
202
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,069
Dad, I can't go to school
looking like this.
203
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,898
I have cheerleading
tryouts today.
204
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,943
It's down to me
and one other girl.
205
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,909
(LAUGHING)
Well, I think
that other girl won.
206
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,473
That's cruel.
207
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,677
Hey, look, Claire,
why don't you
come over to this side?
208
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,881
Forget that
no-rules nonsense.
209
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:16,353
I mean, over here
we have wake-up calls,
we have curling irons.
210
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:20,793
We got big comfortable cars
that go real fast
and can get you to school.
211
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,359
The food's good too.
212
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,360
No, no, you can't
break her that easily.
213
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,833
He can't?
No!
214
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,861
We're strong,
we're united.
215
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,327
We don't have to
do anything
we don't wanna do.
216
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:36,195
For instance,
I'm not going to
school today.
217
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:39,366
Well, that's
your God-given right
to remain stupid.
218
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,239
Dad, I need to
get to school.
I'm already late.
219
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,707
Plus I need my allowance
to buy Backstreet Boys
tickets.
220
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,947
Allowance.
Oh, here's another problem.
221
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,692
You guys have
forfeited allowance.
222
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:54,859
Now I only give allowance
to my good child Kady.
223
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,456
That is so
totally unfair.
224
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,861
I was depending
on that money.
225
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,864
I didn't know
that was
part of the deal.
226
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,226
Forget your brother.
Come over here.
227
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,935
Why suffer when
you can have all of this?
228
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,909
Look at all these moneys.
229
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,479
Look, freedom
does not come
without a struggle.
230
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,878
We have to
make sacrifices.
231
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,751
You're right.
I guess I can just
call Charmaine's mom
232
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,418
and have her give me
a ride to school.
233
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,749
See, now that's
using your head.
234
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:29,923
You don't need dumb old me
and my stupid old
comfortable cars
235
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,927
when you can
call up Charmaine
236
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:35,459
and have her mom
come get you.
And come here.
237
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,495
You know what
you can call her on?
238
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,800
Your very own, brand new
239
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,474
pay phone!
240
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,802
Ta-da!
241
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,508
(SHOUTING)
A pay phone?
242
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,439
Yeah, you need change?
243
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,253
I'm having a special.
Three quarters
for a dollar.
244
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,848
I don't think
I can take
much more of this.
245
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,424
Just be strong, all right?
He's messing with your mind.
246
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,352
But I need to
get to school.
247
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,158
I'll take you
on my bike.
248
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,490
Yeah, I can see
the guys talking now.
249
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,195
"Hey, here's comes
that hottie on the Huffy."
250
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,270
Hey, Kady, which one of
Daddy's comfortable cars
251
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,543
do you wanna go
to Tumble Tots in?
252
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,811
The blue one, Daddy.
253
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,810
An excellent choice.
254
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:25,409
That's gonna look
so good parked outside
the doughnut shop
255
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,915
we'll stop at
one the way there, huh?
256
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,889
Well, got room
for one more.
Any takers?
257
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,889
No, no. Stay away
from the light.
258
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,962
Go! Go now. Go!
259
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,360
I know what you're trying
to do with Claire.
And you're gonna fail.
260
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,966
(IMITATING BUGS BUNNY)
Yeah. What's up, Doc?
261
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,143
MICHAEL: No, Jay,
everything's fine.
262
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:56,342
Yeah, our good daughter's
making a get-well card
for her grandma.
263
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:59,506
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
And the other two
evil children
264
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,576
are enjoying the fruits
of their freedom.
265
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,345
(CHUCKLING) I think
Claire's weakening.
266
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:08,855
Oh, speaking of Miss Liberty,
look who just walked in.
267
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,256
Is that Mom?
268
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,560
Yeah, you wanna
talk to her?
Yeah.
269
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,431
Okay, hold on.
Jay, I need to let you go.
270
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,461
Right. No.
Claire really needs
to speak to you.
271
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,867
Okay. Bye.
272
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,396
(KISSES) Love you.
273
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,211
You need some change?
274
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,205
What happened
to your knee?
275
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,213
I feel off
Junior's bike again.
276
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:36,375
I hear those bikes
don't have airbags
like my cars.
277
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,346
I can't sleep!
I'm hungry!
278
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,085
My knee's all banged up!
My hair's a mess!
279
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,321
I have some
real problems, Dad.
280
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:48,156
You think
you have problems?
Listen to this.
281
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:53,895
Kady and I have
an extra ticket to see
the Backstreet Boys tonight.
282
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:56,901
And we can't figure out
who to take with us.
283
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,342
You're going to see
the Backstreet Boys?
284
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:05,314
Yeah. Kady and I love them.
Don't we, Kady?
285
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,105
We sure do.
MICHAEL: Mmm.
286
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,418
And we'd love to
take you, Claire,
287
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,620
but the Backstreet Boys
rule and
288
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,922
(SCOFFS) we know
how you feel
about those rules.
289
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,627
So, who did we decide
to take instead, Kady?
290
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,929
Little Pipi.
291
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,358
Little Pipi.
That's right.
292
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,596
The stupid doll is getting
the extra ticket?
293
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,472
Hey, she's not stupid.
She listens.
294
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,937
That's true. Watch this.
Pipi, don't move.
295
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,382
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
296
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,375
Mike, what's up?
297
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,323
Oh, not much.
You're the one
who's scratching,
298
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,419
you tell me.
299
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,621
I just have some ants
up in my room.
No big deal.
300
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,623
Oh, you're
a bigger man than me.
301
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,515
I know when I get
an ant bite,
I just itch everywhere.
302
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,258
I just start itching,
like, over here
303
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,203
and the itch feel like
I itch everywhere...
304
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,168
I feel like I got ants
crawling all over me
everywhere. Whoo!
305
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:01,528
I'm just itching
thinking about it.
306
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,338
Well, we gotta go.
Come on, Kady.
307
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,341
We don't wanna
miss this concert.
308
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,043
See you later, Son.
Have fun.
309
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,505
CLAIRE: Wait,
I'm going with you.
310
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,612
Uh-oh. Claire, no, no.
What about our pact?
311
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,184
Forget the pact.
I can't take anymore.
312
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,484
I want to get
driven to school,
make free phone calls,
313
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,286
and see
the Backstreet Boys.
314
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:22,018
I hear this is
the event of a lifetime.
315
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,385
* You're my fire
316
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,094
* My one desire
317
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,555
Claire, look,
none of that
matters anymore.
318
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,597
The only thing
that matters is
defeating the creature.
319
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,403
He's too powerful.
With Mom gone,
he will let us die.
320
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,207
But we only have to
hold out for two
more days, then we win.
321
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,610
Listen to me, Junior,
this whole thing
is ruining me.
322
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,582
My social life
is crumbling.
323
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,581
The cheerleaders
are shunning me.
324
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,153
Today, I had to eat
lunch with the
foreign exchange student.
325
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,352
My whole world
is falling apart!
326
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,054
Do you hear me?
My life sucks!
327
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,492
(SIGHS) I'm ready
to join you, Daddy.
328
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,385
Welcome home, Claire.
329
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:05,502
I was stupid.
You're the best dad
in the whole world.
330
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,132
Yes, I know.
331
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:11,095
Well, Pipi,
you're out of here.
332
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,180
You can throw in
the towel, Son.
333
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:20,349
Save face. We won't think
any less of you
than we already do.
334
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,151
I'll never join you.
335
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,053
Fine. So be it.
336
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,423
And then there was one.
337
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,155
The dumb one.
338
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,698
Where are you off to?
If you must know, Mike,
339
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,704
I'm gonna hop on my bike
and cruise around town.
340
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,637
You know, speaking of bikes,
a funny thing happened.
341
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:51,144
You know how I always say,
"Don't park the bike
in the driveway"?
342
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:54,108
Well, some idiot
rule-breaker
343
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:59,447
left his bike in the driveway
and look what happened.
344
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,216
I accidently ran over it.
345
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,655
Five times.
346
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:06,194
Fine.
Don't worry.
347
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,796
The other half
is perfect.
348
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,498
Who cares?
I don't need the bike.
I'll just walk.
349
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,731
And I'm not coming back
at any curfew hour.
350
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,196
In fact, I might just
stay out all night.
351
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:20,666
Ooh, danger adventure.
352
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,537
Don't worry about me.
I will not wait up.
353
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,723
Hey, there he is,
the rebel
without a clue.
354
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:42,556
What happened
to all night, Son?
It's only 11:30.
355
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,395
Everything's closed.
356
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:48,241
Oh, that must be
because we live
in Stamford, Connecticut.
357
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:52,238
It's the city
that always sleeps,
you know.
358
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,712
You sure you don't want to
come over to my side?
359
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,711
(SCOFFS) No way!
360
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,450
Okay. Suit yourself.
361
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,720
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
362
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,151
My key doesn't work.
363
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:09,516
Oh, that must be because
we changed the locks.
364
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,731
Well, let me in.
365
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,899
I wish I could,
but I can't.
No can do.
366
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,899
There's a new rule
in this house.
367
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,701
No door opens
till 6:00 a.m.
368
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,169
Go figure. Rules.
369
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:27,172
So, what am I supposed
to do till then?
370
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,884
Anything you want.
I think Kinko's is open.
371
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:37,422
You could go Xerox
that stupid look
on your face.
372
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:41,890
Well, I'd love to chat,
but 6:00 a.m.
rolls around really fast.
373
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:46,431
I'm gonna get some sleep.
Night-night, don't let
the garden bugs bite.
374
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,864
Hey, I love you, man.
375
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:59,705
Better close this door.
You never know
who might try to break in.
376
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,678
Daddy, Junior's
asleep on the lawn.
377
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:17,388
Oh, don't worry.
He'll be up
in three, two, one.
378
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,494
(SPRINKLERS STARTING)
379
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,755
(SCREAMING)
380
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,603
Good morning, Son.
381
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:30,896
(KADY EXCLAIMS
IN DISGUST)
382
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,437
Smells like you need
to be buried.
383
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:37,513
That's what happens
when you sleep on a recently
fertilized lawn all night.
384
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,414
Can I talk to you
in private?
385
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:44,347
I have nothing to hide
from the kids
on the Kyle Team.
386
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,694
(SIGHS)
387
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,818
Anything you need to say,
you say it in front of us.
388
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,592
(MUMBLING)
You were right.
389
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:52,694
It sounded like
you were saying...
390
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:53,925
(MUMBLING)
391
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,958
(MUMBLING) Am I right
or did I hear you say
"you were right"?
392
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:01,367
You were right.
Following the rules
is important.
393
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,901
That's a very
interesting theory.
394
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,806
And why do you
think that is?
395
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,638
(SIGHS) It's the way
we show our appreciation
396
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,475
for all the good things
you do for us.
397
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:13,410
I wanna hear you
say that again.
That was beautiful.
398
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,551
It's the way we show
our appreciation
399
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,654
for all the good things
you do for us.
400
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,617
That's beautiful.
401
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,555
You know what,
I'm actually proud of you.
402
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,632
I didn't think
you'd last this long.
403
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,631
So, what else
have you learned?
404
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,433
Well, I learned that
I can't survive
on my own without rules.
405
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,436
And that I love being
part of a family.
406
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:39,638
And that if you sleep out
on the lawn all night,
dogs will pee on you.
407
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,437
That's repulsive.
408
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:47,375
Hey, it was
the only time
I was warm all night.
409
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,924
I was stupid,
and you are the best dad
in the whole world.
410
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,324
Give me my hug.
411
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,663
No, no, no. Uh-uh.
412
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,858
(LAUGHS) You smell
way too bad, man.
413
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,590
No, but a deal's
a deal. Come on.
414
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,586
No, no, no, no.
No damn deal.
415
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:16,038
Isn't one of Mommy's rules
that you can't drink milk
out of the carton?
416
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,875
Yeah, well,
Mommy's not here.
417
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:21,811
So, it's okay to break
the rules sometimes?
418
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,946
You want a dollar?
30413
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