All language subtitles for Mother and Son s02e05 Arthur has a Fall.eng

(BIRDS SING)

(GENTLE SNORING)

(LOUD BUZZING)
(GRUNTS)

Hello?
MAGGIE: Arthur. My son.

Yeah, Mum. It's me, Arthur.

Is everything OK?
Have you had another fall?

No, that's my answer
to the question.

Arthur, my son.

Yeah, Mum, it's Arthur, your son.
You just called me.

Arthur?

Do you work at the radio station?

No, Mum, I think you tried to
call the radio station

and you accidentally
called me instead.

Goodness. Where are you?

Where do you think I am?
I'm where I always am -

in bed, trying to sleep.

Here. Listen.

(SHOUTS) Hello, Mum!
It's me, Arthur, your son.

Arthur Boye,
will you please be quiet?

I'm on the phone to the radio.

The roof's dripping again, Arthur,
right where I slipped.

No worries, Mum, I'll just add
'end all rain' to my to-do list.

You said you'd
organise someone to fix it.

This bucket's become
part of the furniture!

Mum, tradies have become
the new playboys. OK?

I've been ghosted by
every plumber in town.

I suppose I have
to do everything around here.

That phone book's so old

it's probably got
Adam and Eve's number in it.

I'll need Noah's number
at this rate.

Mum, just get ready. It's a big day.

Your moon boot's coming off,
and as soon as it does,

I'm dropping you
straight over to Robbie's house

so I can actually get some work done
for once.

Oh, don't you worry, Arthur.

As soon as this boot comes off,

I'll be strapping on my joggers

and running as far away from you
as possible.

A quick stay at Robbie's
will do you good!

Now go and get dressed.

(QUIETLY) Honestly...

(SCRAPING, RATTLING)

(GRUNTS)

Mum... What are you doing?

Well, what does it
look like I'm doing?

I'm going to climb up through
that manhole and find the leak.

Oh, so you can
tumble off that ladder,

and I can spend the next eight weeks
nursing you back to health again?

Absolutely not!

I thought you'd be glad
I'd be one step closer to heaven.

Mum... Mum.

Fine. You go get dressed.

I will go up and find the leak.

What would you know
about roof tiles, Arthur?

It's called YouTube, Mum.

That's our version
of free university.

Alright, but be careful.

Where there's water,
there's worries.

(SCOFFS) Yeah. Righto.

I think you'll find that I'm
a touch more nimble than you, Mum.

I'll be fine.

Ooh!

Isn't it great the doctor
who treated you

could also give my foot
the all-clear.

Yeah. My fractured wrists
aren't quite as thrilled, Mum.

I know. Having a fall,
it's pretty scary.

Mum, I didn't have a fall.
I just fell.

Oh, right through the ceiling.

No, but that's not having a fall.

Only old people have falls.

Young people, we just fall over.

Oh, well, I think that's racist.

You mean ageist?
Oh, it's the same thing.

No, it's not. (SIGHS)

You seem a bit flat.

Why don't we swing past
the ambulance bay

and get another suck of nitrous?

Well, of course I'm flat!

I'm supposed to be doing
the Kiss of Death challenge,

and now I have to do it looking like
a budget Edward Scissorhands.

I have to livestream myself eating
the world's spiciest corn chip -

no water allowed.

You have no comprehension of
how much pain I'll be in.

Oh, no!

I've only had two childbirths

and a midline episiotomy
that went wrong.

Ha! What would I know about pain?

My headline is going to be

'I ate the world's spiciest chips
so that you don't have to'.

Oh, and you know what
journalists did in my day

so that YOU don't have to, Arthur?

They went to Vietnam.

(SIRENS WAIL,
ANNOUNCEMENT OVER P.A.)

Hey, I know what'll cheer you up!

No, don't, Mum!
Come on.

No... No, Mum!

You'll hurt your foot.
You'll love it!

Oh, come on, little...
Be careful.

..Arty-barty bear!

BOTH: Whee!

Aw, there you go, Arthur.

You've given me
all the itchy pillows, Mum!

Oh, stop complaining.

And let me know if you need to do
a bowel movement.

(DOOR OPENS)
Hello?

I came as soon as I could.

My Robbie! My favourite!

Ooh, netball!

Whose goal circle
are you trying to penetrate?

Some of us are trying not to
end up in the hospital

every time we have a fall.

I didn't have a fall. I fell.

Mum, you've been through
so much lately. It's time to heal.

And some lovely ladies
came through my clinic,

and were handing out these flyers,
and I just had to sign you up.

Oh! "Hot Heads Knitting Club."

It sounds like a good, old-fashioned
stitch and bitch.

They knit beanies
for premature babies.

I'm more excited about the bitching.

Oh, thank you, Robbie. Mwah!

You're always thinking of others.

Well, time to go and dust off
the old cashmere chopsticks.

(SINGS TUNE SOFTLY)

What are you up to?

If you didn't have two broken arms,

I'd tell you to
pick up your manners.

To say I'm a little suspicious
of your Knitflix and chill

is an understatement.

The falls, the forgetfulness,
the calls at all hours -

it's a sign of
things to come Arthur.

We need to be
on the front foot with this.

And knitting is
repetitive, relaxing,

and a good way to get her
back into the community.

And...

And it'll keep her distracted
while we fix this place up.

Fix this place up. How so?

Well, a nip here, a tuck there.

Think about it.

If we fix this old girl up,

we won't even need to sell.

We can borrow against the equity,

buy, flip, sell some other house,

and the money will be back
in the offset before you can say,

"Robbie, you're a genius."

Oh, yeah. And who's gonna pay
for this facelift?

Chill, Ebenezer. Big sis got this.

Bye, Mum!

Can I wear this for netball?

The girlies can't resist
a wounded soldier.

No, no, wait. We have to return that
to the pharmacy...

(DOOR CLOSES LOUDLY)

Now, Mum, I've got
a lot of prep to do

for the Kiss of Death challenge
today, OK?

So I need you to give me
as much space as humanly possible.

Yes, yes.
You don't have to keep reminding me.

Rightio. In you hop.

Why are you still here?

I don't want to do this
any more than you do, Arthur.

Now let's get to those
hard-to-reach places.

I don't have any
hard-to-reach places.

Oh, this is no time for modesty!

I was a nurse for 33 years.

There are no places
I haven't reached.

Out!
Alright.

Oh, make sure you wash
right in under...

Mum!

Alright, alright!

Mum?

Mum? Just need a bit of help
getting this shirt on.

Needles up, ladies.

It's nothing the more seasoned
members of this group

haven't seen before.

Ah, Arthur,

uh, this is my new knitting group.

POTENTIAL new knitting group.

Potentially, yes. It's a trial.

Me playing host,

giving the girls a chance
to get a feel for us.

Yes, not everyone's
Hot Head material, Arthur.

Sometimes one struggles to fit,
as you clearly understand.

Yes. Poor Arthur. He had a fall.

Well, I didn't have a fall.

I fell.

Pray tell,
what's the difference, Arthur?

No difference.

Oh, Arthur! Narelle just finished
this incredible jumper.

What do you think?

Wow. It...looks like...

..wearable cuddles from a wild clown.

(LAUGHTER)

I knit best
when the knitting needs me.

Yes. Well, uh, I'm gonna go,
'cause I have lots of work to do.

Oh, Arthur! Wait, wait.

Here. Sip.
Mum...

Sip.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

And blow.
Mum!

Arthur, you've got boogies. Blow.

(BLOWS)

Mm!
Oh, that's a very good colour.

And have you
moved your bowels today?

Mum!
Oh, for heaven's sake!

There are babies shivering right now
because you're here,

standing talking about
your son's nether regions.

And that's my cue to leave.
Um, good luck with the trial, Mum.

I'm gonna choose my outfit
for tomorrow.

Well, sit.

(INDISTINCT KNITTING TERMS)

Oh, heavens. You've bought
the cheapest wool.

Getting a rash just looking at it.

Do you think we might be
taking a break soon?

We break at row 64,
and not a stitch sooner.

Well, in that case,
I'll just duck out to the ladies.

Oh. Oh, no. You go, Doris.
Thank you.

Goodness gracious.
Hasn't Doris packed on some pounds?

Oh, I know. When I saw her, I
thought, "Is that all you?"

Oh, you didn't think it, Tori,
you said it.

Oh.
(LAUGHTER)

You know, she's blaming
her hormone blockers.

She can blame the many moons
of Jupiter, as far as I'm concerned.

The truth is, her hands haven't
left that snack bowl all morning.

Leave some for us, I thought.
Mmm.

Well, there'll be none left at all.

Oh, here she comes.

Don't you need to go, Maggie?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, no. I can wait.

Yeah, go.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Arthur, my brother. You know,
I thought this house felt brighter,

but turns out
that's just your shine. (LAUGHS)

So, it's not much to look at...
Hi.

..but it's got great bones.

And up there's our spot.
Ah, yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)

Oh, Arthur, this is Rex,

our builder who will be undertaking
this wonderful project.

Hey! Robbie, what the hell is this?

Not in front of the guests,
baby brother.

You need a building plan
the size of a novel

just to fix one hole in the ceiling?

Listen, these are just
some minor improvements

that I believe are crucial
for our mother's well-being.

Oh, OK. So a double-glazed,
automated skylight

is CRUCIAL for
our mother's well-being.

Natural light raises
vitamin D, Arthur,

which you would know
maintains cognitive health.

OK. And what about the mosaic
stone flooring in the bathroom?

So she doesn't slip.
Oh, really? Alright.

What about the Fermuzzi 200-bottle,
dual-zone wine cabinet

with 50% humidifier.

OK, Sherlock, which one of us
spent 12 years studying medicine

and who took six gap years before
doing a diploma in creative writing?

It was a Bachelor of Journalism.
Same thing!

My point is,
I'm protecting our mother.

So, unless you want more calls
or more falls,

I suggest you just step back
and let the grown ups work.

This place is gonna turn into
a construction site.

Which is exactly why Mum will come
and stay with me for a few weeks,

just like you've wanted.

What?

But what about me? Where will I stay?

Last time I checked,
you're a grown-ass man.

You figure it out.

You know the other good thing
about vitamin D, bro?

It's good for your bones.

I'll just need to turn off your
water main to get a better look.

Maybe we should get a skylight.

Oh, we've got a skylight, Arthur.

It's called 'outside'.

Arms up a bit and out.

Now, it's a big day
tomorrow, Arthur.

So no more asking me
to help you with things

while the knitting group is here.

Every second I spend
out of that room

is an opportunity for them
to say terrible things about me.

Why would they do that?

Oh, it's not called
a stitch and bitch

for nothing, Arthur.

You think eating
a hot chip is painful?

You should try
joining a knitting group.

Why are you hanging out
with these women?

Loneliness, Arthur.

It's...deadlier than cigarettes

and as sneaky as a wee in a pool.

Plus, I've promised 100 prem babies
warm heads for winter.

That's why I need you to
help me with printing tomorrow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

It's 2025.
You can't just print something out.

Printing requires
hours of preparation.

It's only a page!
That's even worse!

That means I'm gonna have to go
to some stationary mega centre

and set up an account so I can
upload the files to a portal.

But don't we own a printer?

Yeah, and then the magenta ran out
and we put it into the cupboard.

And that is where it will stay until
the sun cools and the oceans freeze.

Oh, Arthur Boye,
what's gotten into you?

I'm sorry, Mum. I just...

What if my wrists
never heal properly?

Well, I know some other body parts
that wouldn't mind the downtime.

Oh, gross! Mum, I'm serious.

I spend all day, every day
on Slack groups with Gen Z workmates

who think I'm weird because
I don't think mumbling is music

or, you know, because I never
talk about my anxiety.

But I don't know,
maybe that means I AM old.

Maybe I did have a fall.

Oh...

My poor little precious Arthur...

..aren't you about to
eat a hot chip on camera?

Tomorrow.
Yes.

See? I don't know one old person

who would ever broadcast
their mistakes so publicly.

Thanks, Mum.

Now you go kiss yourself to death,
hey?

(INDISTINCT)
Oh! Get away!

Listen up, ladies.

There were premature triplets
born yesterday.

Which means the delivery
of our beanies

is more crucial now than ever.

I pray you've all printed up
the patterns like I asked you.

Excellent! Front line.

And you, Maggie?

Yes, yes, it's getting there.

Oh. The babies will be as big as
Arthur by the time you're finished.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, Arthur!

Look! It's for you.

Oh... Well, I mean, it...

Look at him! He's speechless.

Yeah. Yeah. (LAUGHS) I mean...

I know what you're thinking, Arthur.

You do? You know what he's thinking?

You're thinking,
"How does she knit so quickly?"

Well, I'll tell you, Arthur.

I knit in my sleep.

It's true. I've seen it.

And you know what?
Speaking of sleep,

I just can't wait for
the cooler months

so that I can wear this to bed.

Oh, don't be silly, Arthur.

The hole in the ceiling,
it's providing a beautiful draught.

In fact, Arthur loves this so much,
he wants to wear it now.

You don't have to, Arthur.

Not everyone understands the
elegance of the stockinette stitch.

Oh, of course he doesn't have to.

He WANTS to.

Yes, I do. Thank you, Mum.

Mmm. Quick word, Mum. (LAUGHS)

What is it, Arthur?

I've only left the room
for one second

and my ears are already burning.

Mum, I can't put that on!

Oh. Here, put your arms up.
I'll help you.

No, I can't put it on at all.

That cardigan ages me about 20 years.

My audience would destroy me.

What audience?
That's mean, Mum.

True, but mean.

Seriously, Arthur, what audience?

For the chip challenge! Mum!

Help me open this packet. I can't
do it, with the twisting motion.

Oh, one chip?!

Shrinkflation is out of control.

There you go.

(SIGHS)

Alright. Back to the trenches.

Mum.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Give it here.

(LAUGHS)

(EXHALES)

Hey!

It's me, Arthur.

Uh, hello to everyone
joining me on the livestream.

We are doing
the Kiss of Death challenge.

That's right. You know the deal.

World's hottest corn chip.
No water. Five minutes.

Can I do it?
Let's kick the devil's arse.

Uh, please feel free
to comment below.

I can see a few comments
coming in already.

Uh, @MilkyDan saying, "What
the hell is up with your cardigan?"

Thank you. @MilkyDan.

Uh, "You look like one of
Santa's unemployed elves."

OK. Thank you very much.

@AnnaGG has got a proper question!

She says, "Why are you doing this?"

Good question, Anna.

Why are you doing this?
Why... Why am I doing this?

Um...

Because...

..AnnaGG...

..because sometimes
you need a wake-up call.

Mm.

(CHUCKLES)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Yeah.

Holy shit. (RETCHES)

(COUGHS AND RETCHES)

(WHIMPERS)

Ha!

Oh, I can't feel my fingers.

Ah! Ah! I need water.

(PANTING)

What?

No!

No! This can't be happening. No!

Wi-Fi! Wi-Fi!

Wi-Fi!

Great news, Arthur!
I found the printer.

Wi-F...
Ah, yeah, you need a wife,

but this printer needs cyan.

Arthur, is that red or blue?

Water...

Oh, water, water!

Young people, and their water.
Honestly!

When I was growing up,
you drank tea or wine or whisky.

And, you know, sometimes,
depending on who made it,

you drank all three.
(WHIMPERS)

Wat...

Oh, Arthur,
the water's been turned off.

The handsome builder wants to
check the pipes

before they start on the ceiling.

(WHEEZES AND GASPS)

(PANTING)

Agh!

Water! Wa... (COUGHS AND RETCHES)

Looking red, Arthur.
Are you sunburned?

Brother OD'd on the vitamin D.

(INDISTINCTLY) Water...

What's he doing?
NO!

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(SOBS)

(PANTING)

(SCREAMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE)

(COUGHING, RETCHING)

Oh, Arthur,
the ladies don't like this flavour.

Please, don't buy it again.

You gave him the Kiss of Death?

Arthur, that's the problem
with your generation -

all these fandangled flavours.

You know, when I was growing up,
we just had salt.

It can't taste that bad.

No! Mum, stop!

Oh!

Ah!

What... What do you...

Help! Water!

Oh! Narelle is saying head warmer.

Oh, even when you're going through
the fire, you still want to knit.

YOU are an inspiration.

Oh, no.

That's all good, then.

Here's your invoice.
Still a bit of water on the floor.

Don't forget to clean that up.

Ooh, OK.

Thank you.

How's the knitting going, Mum?

Are Narelle and the girls
gonna be coming back today?

Ah, I won't be seeing
those ladies again.

Because you almost killed them?

Because I've left the group.

I knitted the head warmer,
just like they asked,

and they said it was obscene.

I'm sorry, Mum,
I know I distracted you.

Oh, don't be silly.

You saved me from
making a huge mistake.

Yeah, from almost eating
the Kiss of Death.

No, from joining
that knitting group.

What a vile bunch of women!

What about you? Didn't you have
some work thing you had to do?

Um. Well, yeah,
it didn't exactly go to plan,

but the brand is stoked.

The video of your knitting group
almost dying has gone bonkers online.

Plus, the face that I was pulling
when the livestream froze

has kind of been shared as a meme
around the office,

so apparently
I'm helping boost team morale.

Oh, see? It's not just me
who loves this gorgeous little face.

Mum...

Hey, Mum...
Mm?

You know, the other morning
when you called me by accident

instead of the radio station?
Mm.

You said your answer was me - Arthur.

Mm.

Well, what was the question?

The question was...

..what can't you live without?

Really?

No.

Oh, look, maybe.
I can't remember, Arthur.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Robbie, in the building!

How are my ride or dies going?

Uh, I'll take option B, thank you.

Hey, here is the invoice
for the ceiling.

And here's a chair. And here's
a door. What's your point?

You said you would pay.

For a facelift, but all I saw
was the same old ceiling.

Anyway, I just came by
to give your moon boot back

and to let you know
you need a stylist, baby bro.

That cardigan you wore
in your live was hideous.

I was thinking
exactly the same thing!

I know! Bye, mama bear. Love you.
(KISSES)

Mm.

Agh!
(THUD!)

(GROANS)

Oh, my God... (WHIMPERS)

I'll go get the moon boot.

Oh! Oh!

What the hell is this?

It looks like you're trying to
solve a triple homicide.

Arthur?

Oh, Arthur, you're
messing up my box step?

Do the robot or the worm?

Unbelievable!
You have everybody else

doing all of the work
for YOUR party.

It's not my party!

ROBBIE: The chiffon drapes
go OVER the arch.

I want that timber arch
looking like Julius goddamn Caesar.

(SCREAMS)

This is going to be
a night to remember.

Captions by Red Bee Media

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Australian Broadcasting Corporation

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