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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,271 Booyakasha. Me name be Ali G and me is straight 2 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,440 out of the Westside of Staines you know in the UK. 3 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,234 It's not far from Windsor Castle where the Queen lives. 4 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:53,953 Reconnize. America has h'invented some of the bestest tings in the world, 5 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,877 McDonalds, gangsta rap, spaghetti and swimming. 6 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,909 But your country's got problems too. There's been 'nuff sadness 7 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,596 since the terrible events of 7/11 and also there is 8 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,759 still racialism, even to the native people. 9 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,952 You know, what is they called the, you know, the.. them ones. 10 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,759 How come you never ever see them in prominent jobs, 11 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,839 apart from that bloke in the Village People 12 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,351 and even then he couldn't go out 13 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,234 without a policeman, a fireman and someone from the Navy to protect him. 14 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:29,992 So the purpose of this show is to h'educate, to motivate and to 15 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:35,476 ...ate. This week's subject is 'The Law'. 16 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,834 Wagwan. On the quest to fix up the law 17 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,840 me first went to Police Academy in Philly. 18 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,672 What is your job here? 19 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,157 My job here is primarily as the commanding officer of the recruitment unit. 20 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,920 So, you is the boss man here? - I'm one of the boss men. 21 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,633 Where is we going to now? 22 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,838 Oh, we're going to Valer Hall and in Valer Hall we'll meet 23 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,511 Sergeant Hyers who is going to take us through some of the 24 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,831 recruit scenario training. 25 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,312 Ok, today you're going to actually participate 26 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:24,156 in some Philadelphia Police recruit training. - Wicked man! 27 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,556 We're goingto do some scenarios in which 28 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,876 the officers will actually respond to some incidents. 29 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,756 You're gonna be 2310 car and anytime you hear 2310 on the radio 30 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,476 you'll push the side button and you'll say 2310. 31 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,199 Is this me partner? 32 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,674 This is your partner right here. - Yo. 33 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,997 This is Officer Brinkman. This is your new partner. 34 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,192 You can introduce yourselves. - Hi there, how you doing? - Yo. Respect. 35 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,036 Yo Brinkman is you good cop and I is bad cop? - Well you're... 36 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,470 Who's the good cop, who's the bad cop? 37 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,670 No, it's not... we're gonna go and handle the situation.- Yo yo yo we're going. 38 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,155 2310 car. - Here you go 2310. 39 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,758 Yo this be me the main man 2310 with my man Brinkman 40 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,270 Right, take 8501 state road and meet the complainant 41 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,630 for a report of a burglary. 42 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,400 No doubt. 43 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,279 Do you know what a burglary is? 44 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,834 For real! I has done a couple. 45 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,910 Ok. - Alright you go in first. 46 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,237 No put that down. - Why? - We don't need it. 47 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,199 I give you cover. - Ok, alright. 48 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,072 Yo! We is here looking for burglary. 49 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,475 This is my partner. - Yes. 50 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,510 What's missing? 51 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,870 You his partner? - Yes I am. 52 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,838 14 inch colour television. 53 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,400 Oh yeah, how do we know you ain't lying? 54 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,517 How do we know there was a telly? 55 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,354 Well, we have to take the report anyway. - Yeah. 56 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,749 You know, 'cause we don't know. 57 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,838 Does he promise that there was a telly here? 58 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,640 What was you watching? 59 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,594 Well, he wasn't here when it happened. 60 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,834 So he claims. 61 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,999 Get a move on... they... Brinkman you is mental, 62 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,600 they are saying that we need to be out there. 63 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,679 Number... Phone number? -... 5... 64 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,078 That ain't the time to get her number... 65 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,236 ... 45... 66 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,073 If you have any more questions just give me a call. 67 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,794 Ok. - He's crap...... 68 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,918 Yo this be 2310 we be back on the road 69 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,669 After my man Brinkman finally finished his shit. 70 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,120 Ok, no profanity here. 71 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,440 Sorry about that. 72 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,312 Yo can you put on the siren? 'S got the siren on. 73 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,675 No, no don't put that out the window. Here. 74 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,310 But what happens if they see us? 75 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,517 What...no... you keep it down, you have to keep it down, 76 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,911 Alright, so they don't know. 77 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,959 Here, you can take this when we get out. - Wicked! - Alright. 78 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,156 Yo! What is the matter with you? 79 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,671 Some guys jumped us. They beat us up. 80 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,475 You have to put this out... Look, look, look! 81 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,270 Three men... 82 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,311 Yo, three men... 83 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:52,917 One black male, one white male... 84 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,031 2310 there's three men: One brother, one honky and one's... 85 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:00,790 what's the 's'? - Spanish 86 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,076 One Spanish. 87 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,029 We refer to the person as a white male not as a honky. 88 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:07,917 Why not? 89 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,475 A honky is not a nice term for a male... for a, 90 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,030 for a white person. 91 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:13,952 Why not? 92 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,476 It's like an ethnic slur. 93 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,917 For real. But they say: You can be a honky but you can still be hung like a donkey. 94 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,989 Possibly. - 2310 car. - They is calling our name on the thing. 95 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,799 Yo this be 2310. 96 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,715 You're supposed to be at the cone shack right in the middle of the driving course. 97 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,200 Ok. - The cone shack? 98 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,391 Ok. We have a report of a burglary. 99 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,240 We can't just go up and start shooting OK? - For real! 100 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:37,635 So... - That's him! - Ok. 101 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,672 Is that the geezer? - Ok, tell him to stop. 102 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,520 Yo! Stop it! - Keep your distance, keep your distance 103 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,518 Stop it, motherfucker. - Keep your distance. 104 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,237 Don't move. You is fucking with the wrong cop. 105 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,840 Wait. - Oh, what's going on? 106 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,280 Oh, you like the taste of steel? 107 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,234 Keep your distance. You gotta keep a 6 feet distance. 108 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,756 Ok, alright look, this is what we do 109 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,115 when a man with a gun call, ok? 110 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,230 Alright, wicked. 111 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,073 Don't forget, when we get up there, 112 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,679 we're gonna open the doors and we're gonna go behind the doors. 113 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,912 Ok, tell him to put his hands up. 114 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:16,037 Yo! Yo mo fo. Put up your hands or you is gonna be shot by us. 115 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,674 Ok. Tell him you see the gun. 116 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,315 I can see the motherfucking gun. Put them up. 117 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,199 You can't curse, you can't curse. 118 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,157 You can't curse. 119 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,237 Tell him to put his face in the ground. 120 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,795 Yo stick your head in that ground and eat that dirt. 121 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,357 Ok, now put that down. Ok, walk around him. 122 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:31,958 Yo! 123 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,680 Put your right hand up, sir. 124 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,840 What's he got? - Get one hand free. Take the gun. 125 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,118 Where's he got a gun? - Where did we see? 126 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,953 Right, now put your gun away. 127 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:48,000 Ok, No, don't point it at him. - It's a fake gun. 128 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,992 Ok, that's fine. - He's got a fake gun. 129 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,710 You tried to do this with a fake gun. You thought that was funny? 130 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,320 Do your job, He might have another gun. 131 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,995 You thought that was funny doing this fake gun on this? 132 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,592 You picked the wrong cop to fuck around with, 133 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,911 Slimeball! - Ok, well we don't talk like that in Philadelphia. 134 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,309 Alright. Do I have to touch him here? 135 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,075 You gotta touch him, search him. Come on, 136 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,351 you wanna be a cop or not? - For real, I just don't like touching blokes. 137 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,354 Let's go. Look you wanna be a police officer or not? 138 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,318 Blokes, blokes. - What's a bloke man? 139 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,673 Did I ask to have a chat with you? - Let's go. Let's go. 140 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,998 We're wasting time. A crowd is starting to form. We wanna get out of here. 141 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,916 Let's go. You don't need your gun. 142 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,675 Now really what can you feel with that? - I don't wanna touch. 143 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,674 You gotta touch. Do you wanna be a cop or not? - I... 144 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,359 Do you wanna be a cop or not? - For real, but... 145 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,433 Oh well, it's not for real. Either you touch him or you don't touch him. 146 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,074 I can see there's nothing there. 147 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,357 You came here saying I wanna be a cop. 148 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,472 Alright. I wanna be... Ah, look what we got here. 149 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,996 What have you got? - Ah, where d'you get this from? 150 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,192 Alright, he's got money. No don't put it in your pocket! 151 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,999 Why not? - He's gonna say you stole it. 152 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,594 But he probably nicked it from someone. 153 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,080 He's handcuffed. Put it back in his pocket. 154 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,075 Did you get that money from someone? 155 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,276 It's my money, man! 156 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:58,800 Put the gun away. - Yeah alright. 157 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,156 Alright you gotta touch him. Let's go. 158 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,511 Yeeww - Come on, come on. - Alright. Wait! 159 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,916 Here, take your hand. You gotta touch him. 160 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,192 There you go...That's what we do alright? - Er. That is disgusting. 161 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,511 Alright here we go... And that completes cop 101 162 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,313 here at the Philadelphia Police Academy. 163 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,715 How'd it go? What d'you think? 164 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,157 Respekt. Do you think I can make a good cop? - Ah. Probably not. 165 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:50,431 Jagshemash. In US and A, if you want to marry a girl 166 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:55,351 you cannot just go to her father's house and swap her for 15 gallons 167 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,795 of insecticide. 168 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:01,236 Before American woman will allow you in her vagine 169 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,670 you must do something called dating. 170 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,433 Hello, my name is Jenny, pleased to meet you. 171 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,473 Hello, Jenny. Nice to m...meet you. 172 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,598 Thank you for coming in today to see 173 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,275 if Great Expectations is right for you. - Yes. 174 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:24,440 What should happen if you met your ideal woman? 175 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,919 I will love her. We will be as one. - So are...? 176 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,999 I will give her television remote control, 177 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:36,114 a red dress I hope will fit her. 178 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,556 So you are saying you have a good life and back home.... - Yes. 179 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,031 That you can and would like to provide for her? - Yes. 180 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:45,559 Ok great. - But, if she cheat on me... Why you laugh? 181 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,394 I think that's sweet, keep going. 182 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,160 Yeah. But if she cheat on me I will crush her. 183 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:51,509 You will crush her? 184 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,237 Well, honey that's not gonna qualify you with our membership 185 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,510 if you're prepared to crush a woman. 186 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,315 You can break up with her and divorce her 187 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,272 but you cannot cru... no crushing! 188 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:06,311 Why don't you give me a little bit on personality traits you're looking for. 189 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,279 Yes. I want her to be blonde. 190 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:14,640 I want her to have no history of retardation in family. 191 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,272 If possible she must have plough experience. 192 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,313 You're not going to find Americans with plough experience. 193 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,995 Just to let you know. Us American women, 194 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,072 we don't have plough experience. 195 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,752 But not, not much. Maybe one year or... 196 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,431 I'm... honey. I have zero plough experience. 197 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,031 And she must have a good physique 198 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:45,195 and she must be tight like a man's anus. 199 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:52,069 And she must have nice face. 200 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,312 Ok, attractive... What about race? 201 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,480 You're open to all races? 202 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,434 Er... yes, but no Jew. 203 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,512 No Jewish, ok... 204 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,997 Alright. So what do you enjoy? What are your interests? 205 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:14,192 I like play table tennis. I like shoot dog. 206 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:15,672 Snoop dog? 207 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,431 Shoot dog, shoot. 208 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,080 Oh ok mm. 209 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,631 Should I tell people that I am good at sex? - No. 210 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,950 But I am... 211 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,998 But you don't wanna say that cause a woman... 212 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,356 But I am more good than many men... 213 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,672 In America if you say that on your profile, 214 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,678 a woman is not gonna go out with you, 215 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,991 because then she thinks that's all you want. 216 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,676 Even though I am big like a can of pepsi? 217 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,759 It doesn't matter. Women in America feel 218 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:47,596 that any act of sex, be it oral, physical... 219 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,156 What it mean oral? - Mouth. 220 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,035 I like it in the mouth very much. But that's what we're talking about. 221 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,716 Women in America feel that any act of sex... 222 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,753 Yes - with somebody else, even if it's using your body... 223 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,315 Yes - your sexual organs, your mouth, your hand... 224 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,314 I like it mouth. - whatever it is, we think that's cheating... 225 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,240 Do I need to bring a gift? 226 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,239 Here's a mistake that a lot of men make in America, 227 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,471 that is they bring too many gifts. 228 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:26,032 What size gift will get me entry...to her... 229 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:30,433 Well, getting you entry... By, what do you mean by entry? 230 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,439 To her vagine 231 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,317 Oh, if you wanna go to bed with her? - Yes. 232 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,520 Well, I can't say because everybody's different. 233 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:43,356 How do I show her I have a senses of humour? 234 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,159 Well, you have to practice it first. 235 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:50,759 I have a joke. - Uhuh. There is a chair... - Uhuh 236 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:56,672 And the chair walk with his shoes. 237 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,992 la, la, la, la, la... he walk on the street. 238 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:05,195 Ha ha. The chair is walking. - Right, right 239 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,116 Yes. - Well, it's a funny image. 240 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,359 Yes. It is nice. 241 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,509 I should tell this joke? - Probably not. 242 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,395 My name is Borat. Your name, please. 243 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,590 Guinevere. 244 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:25,556 Should I tell her she remind me of my wife? 245 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,680 Do you have a wife? 246 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,234 She is dead. 247 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:34,071 Oh ok. Nobody wants to be reminded of somebody 248 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,436 who's dead. See what I'm saying? 249 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,718 Yes, I do not care about her, she is gone. 250 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,271 Yes, right, but once a person's dead, 251 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,359 you should really put that aside. - Yes, I know. 252 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,434 Yeah. Well, you probably look for some of the same qualities 253 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,792 you were attracted to in your wife? - No. 254 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,878 Same qualities that you liked in your wife 255 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,957 if there were some things that you liked about your wife? 256 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,992 Did you like some things about your wife? 257 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,391 No. 258 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,597 You remind me my wife. 259 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,276 My first... 260 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,957 my older wife. She... 261 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,918 Ok your previous wife. - Yes 262 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,000 Why you laugh she dead. - Ok. 263 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,435 What should I talk about with her? 264 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,034 Talk about the environment you're in, 265 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,159 talk about what she does for a living and about her. 266 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:35,913 I have now been one week without any sexy intercourse. 267 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:44,076 My rhum, my sac is heavy. 268 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,074 How old is your child? 269 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:51,270 How do I find if she will be a cheat? 270 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,990 Ok, or anything negative? 271 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,314 Yes, but...- Cheat you, take money from you? 272 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,716 No, not a criminal. A cheat. 273 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,997 A woman who go with another man. 274 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:08,599 Oh, screw around on you. Ok. Right. Mmm. 275 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,754 That's why you need to date her for a while before you get married. 276 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,790 You will come back my country? I will look after you, 277 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:20,597 I will give you money. I will give you automobile car, 278 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,840 a television remote control. We will be together. 279 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,997 But if you cheat on me I will crush you. 280 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,353 That's what I don't like either, I don't like men that cheat on me. 281 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:38,312 How do I know if she want me to take her? 282 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,396 Go to bed with her? 283 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,075 Sexy time, yeah! 284 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,517 If she wants to go to bed with you? How do you know that? 285 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,593 Well, when you kiss each other, 286 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:57,152 if you're kissing and petting then it just sort of goes naturally. 287 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,671 When do we have a sexy intercourse? 288 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,755 Whenever you both agree on that. 289 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,277 No, when do me and you have a sexy intercourse? 290 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,914 Me and you? - Yes. 291 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,994 Well, that's not gonna happen. 292 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,079 Do you wish me success tonight? 293 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,920 I wish you success in the future, 294 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,356 with dating and relationships 295 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,592 and I wish you the best. - Thank you 296 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,510 You're very welcome. 297 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,035 Also, jetzt bin ich hier mit Paul Wilmot. 298 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,755 Ok, great, I am here with Paul Wilmot. 299 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,078 He is the god of seating plans choosing which 300 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,999 celebrity goed wid who. - That's right? 301 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,919 Let's say I'm judge and jury and it's our job 302 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,430 to put the right people in the right seats. 303 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,472 So what is Paul Wilmot? 304 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,076 Well, I mean, I'm years of experience 305 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,675 in the fashion business. For about seven years 306 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,838 I was in charge of public relations for Calvin Klein 307 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:22,950 Wow. - for the whole world. 308 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,995 Let's talk about who are the in celebrities 309 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,480 and who are the out celebrities. 310 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,838 Er, if they are in, we go 'Whassup' 311 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,040 Yeah, you go Whassup and if they are out, 312 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,191 you go: Ich don't think so. And you go like that, ja? 313 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,676 So, I'll ask you the names, yes? So, Vassup 314 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,998 and Ich don't think so. So Jennifer Lopez? 315 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,112 Oh Whatsup. With a double Whatsup. 316 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,640 She's fabulous. -Vassup. 317 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,633 Vassup. She's a double. 318 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,840 What about Debbie Harry? Vassup or Ich don't think so? 319 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,152 Debbie Harry's having a second moment. 320 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,037 I mean, one year ago it was Ich don't think so, 321 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,470 now she has a chance to be Vassup. 322 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,719 Like Marianne Faithfull is having a vassup moment, too. 323 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,075 But was she Ich don't think so? 324 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,032 Absolutely, for twenty years... 325 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,910 She was Ich don't think so? - Ich don't think so for 20 years. Now, vassup. 326 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,876 Who else is Ich don't think so at the moment? 327 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,476 Celine Dion. Ash don't think so. 328 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:21,998 Let's just face it she's even talking about 329 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,039 doing a clothing line Ich don't think so 330 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,715 If you want to make sure that a show is classy 331 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,032 would you make sure that you do not have which celebrities? 332 00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:33,557 Barbra Streisand Not to pick on her 333 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,120 but I mean.... - Barbra Streisand! 334 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:40,151 She would go to the opening of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeiung 335 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,991 We're doing a charity as well, 336 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,351 we're doing a lot of things with kind of these deaf children 337 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,512 which we're really getting behind now. 338 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:52,397 Teaching zem about sexual responsibility and safe sex. 339 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,950 You can give zem a message? 340 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,032 Yeah, I mean 341 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,715 No, they can't hear you, they can't hear you. 342 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,271 Just like do something for them about safe sex. 343 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,239 Just how to keep safe sex. 344 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,032 But not with words, they won't be able.... 345 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,430 Careful, just be careful! 346 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,991 You can do but no words, just... 347 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:20,594 Be careful be careful, don't do it, be careful. 348 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,236 Cool. 349 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,879 Do you need any more models? 350 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,750 Cause I am like Chrylser's muse in Austria 351 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,076 and... seriously... you know ze... 352 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,351 We don't need any male models. We've got about 40 of them. 353 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,029 Do you need another model? Would you like me to do? 354 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,069 Il demande si...parce qu'il est prêt de faire le mannequin. 355 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,598 I am Chrysler's, you know the designer Chrysler, 356 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,309 I am his muse. C'est la muse de Chrysler. 357 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,474 Il faut aller demander a Lloyd. 358 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,155 Ask him to Lloyd Klein over there. 359 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,634 Lloyd Klein, I just wanted to say, if you want, I am here. 360 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,599 You know who I am yeah? - Uhuh 361 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,992 Bruno. -Yes. - Chrysler's muse. 362 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,999 You know the designer Chrysler? 363 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,000 Oui. - Yeah, from Austria. I'm his muse. 364 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,912 Oh great. - I'm here if you want. 365 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,595 No I have other males model. They're here. 366 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,274 Yeah, but if you want, I don't mind, 367 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,477 I won't charge you or... - Oh great. 368 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,435 You want? 369 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,596 For the moment it's ok. 370 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,473 I'm doing the end bit with the underpants. 371 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,160 Can I borrow your underpants? - Like right now? 372 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,754 Yeah... like for the end 373 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,115 Yeah. - Ok great - Sure. 374 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,391 You wanna wear them? - Yeah yeah yeah, for the finale. 375 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,076 I need to wear them for the finale. 376 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,958 Ok, ok. - Yeah, he needs to wear them. 377 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,994 No Diggidy. Check it. 378 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,712 I is here.with my main man Governor Dick Thornburgh 379 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,590 who was former Attorney General and him is here 380 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,320 to explain to us about the law... 381 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,518 What is legal? 382 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:17,958 Most conduct that all of us engage in on daily basis is legal. 383 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,592 So what is illegal? 384 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:25,875 Illegal is what the elected representatives of the people 385 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,874 define as crimes. 386 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,552 What is barely legal? 387 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,640 Well that's when you get into technicalities 388 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,677 and that's why you have trials. 389 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:39,078 Cause me saw this film called Barely Legal 3 390 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,837 and it was about these two naughty college girls 391 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,396 and them hadn't done their homework 392 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:51,312 and then as punishment they had to have a three header 393 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,960 with their supervisor, this teacher. 394 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,159 Is that to do with the law? 395 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,394 Er, it's hard to say. That would probably be governed 396 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,520 by the rules of the college. 397 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,157 Yo, well in this institution it was very strict rule that 398 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,835 if you didn't do your homework you would get boned. 399 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,511 Right. Well, that's a law of sorts. 400 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,118 Yo, well it's a well good law. Has you seen that film? 401 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:20,680 Yes, no I haven't. 402 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,440 You should check it out. - I will now cause you've recommended it. 403 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,712 Yo, I mean, it's well good. It's like...- Barely Legal? 404 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,157 Barely Legal 3. - Good. 405 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,155 When is it legal to murder someone? 406 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,757 Never. Because murder is a defined term. 407 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,870 Murder is, means a wilful premeditated killing. 408 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,633 What if they call your mum a ho? 409 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,758 Is it alright to murder them then? 410 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,355 You can't... You can't use as a defence 411 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,832 any kind of verbal provocation. No. 412 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,475 What happens if they say your mum is a ho 413 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,950 and I know cos I has done it with her. 414 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,959 Then surely then you can pop a couple up their arse? 415 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,556 That would be a terrible thing to say but nonetheless 416 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,197 you can't take another's life for that kind of slander. 417 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,511 What happens if they said that about your nana? 418 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,837 Surely then you can just sort them out 419 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,197 and say Yo, you is gone. 420 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,794 That, what you said up to there was legal, 421 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:24,079 now it is illegal. Cussing my nana huh... is a slut? 422 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,834 It's terrible, terrible and you're pushing me, 423 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:32,439 But even at that, the law does not permit the taking of another's life. 424 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,758 What happens when the jury can't decide 425 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,959 whether the geezer should go down or not? 426 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,356 All bets are off, they have to try him again. 427 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,354 Hung jury it's sometimes called. 428 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:54,032 But surely the size of their dongs, whether they is hung or not 429 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,237 won't affect their judgment? 430 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:02,999 Well, er... I don't see the connection, what are you saying? 431 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:08,519 Well you are saying that if you is hung, you know, 432 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,399 if all the jury members is well hung... 433 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,640 No, that's a figure of speech, that's a figure of speech. 434 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,475 A hung jury is one that can't agree. 435 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,394 So it ain't...- It's nothing to do with their physical characteristics. 436 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,680 Oh so it ain't like 15 blokes who is like well packing down there? 437 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,911 No, I'm sorry, I should have made that clear. 438 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,672 What exactly is the law of cutting the cheese? 439 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,712 Cutting the cheese? 440 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,075 I dunno what they call it here. 441 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,034 You know, it's whoever smelt it dealt it. 442 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,511 I don't know if there's any law that covers that. 443 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,436 But is it is the definition whoever smelt it dealt it, 444 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,599 or is it whoever said the rhyme committed the crime? 445 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,514 Yeah, I understand what you're saying. 446 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,873 Criminal liability can attach to a person who does an act 447 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,434 The one who cuts the cheese. 448 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,836 A person who aids or assists the person 449 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,520 The one who smelt it. 450 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:08,152 Or the one who agrees on a plan to do the criminal act, 451 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,437 The one who dealt it. - the conspiracy.. 452 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,440 So, there are varying degrees of responsibility. 453 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,315 What is the death penalty? 454 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,513 It's the most extreme penalty that can be imposed. 455 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,516 It is true you get a last meal for free? 456 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,640 Yes, that's normally the custom. 457 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,032 Can you order an all you can eat buffet? 458 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,073 I assume so. 459 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:38,473 But ain't the danger there that you can carry on eating forever 460 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,995 and they will never be able to kill you? 461 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,590 There's a finite limit to what you can eat 462 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,713 to prevent people from killing you. 463 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,439 I don't think that's a real risk. 464 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,316 Yo! So listen up to the words of my man here, 465 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,309 Governor Dick Thornberg cos you better learn the law 466 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,799 otherwise you is going down. You gonna be fried like chicken 467 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,909 unless you know how to keep legal. 468 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:08,080 Big up yourself. Keep it real - It's a pleasure. - Safe. 469 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,678 How come it is illegal to nick someone's tv 470 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,679 but not illegal to steal their girlfriend? 471 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:26,238 The television set is the property of someone else 472 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,917 But somebody's girlfriend is not their property. 473 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,716 But surely a girlfriend is worth much more than a telly 474 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,318 unless it's like er one of them plasma screen things with surround sound. 475 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,837 I agree with you. I think that's probably true. 476 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:46,119 But why don't the government h'introduce a series of penalties 477 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,150 say 'alright we is fining you 200 dollars if you kiss her joogy fruits, 478 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:56,560 we is gonna give you 3 months inside the can if you nibble her m and m's, 479 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,311 and we is gonna give you life if you take her up the Hershey highway. 480 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,599 I was Attorney General and my name is Meese. 481 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,599 I say go to college, don't carry a piece. 36817

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