All language subtitles for Ali G Rezurection - 1x04 - Environment.HDTV.BATV.en

sync & correction by f1nc0
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Everything cris!

The sea is part of somethin'
called the "enviralment,"

and we is got to protect it.

Global warming does exist,

as the scientologists have proven,

and the ice cubes is actually melting.

Listen up, brethren...
water levels is risin'!

Hear this... at 8:30 this morning,

the sea was way back there.

Now, it is way up here.

By this time tomorrow,

it will be up past the
Hollywood sign, innit?

Now, the ocean might
look like a shithole

with no McDonald's or nothing,

but there is lots of amazing stuff 'ere.

They is even got their
own drugs called seaweed.

It's a bit crap. I smoked
it and it didn't do nothing.

I is hopin' there is
seacrack 'n' all,

and I ain't talkin'
about a dolphin's punani.

Easy now!
Check out me show.

1x04 - Environment

Booyakasha.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Something I got
to tell you about ♪

♪ The carjacking, everybody's
gonna scream and shout ♪

♪ You see the man put
the nine to your head ♪

♪ "Pop, pop!" ♪

♪ You could be dead. ♪

Everybody is talking about
the environment thing.

What is they banging
on about? I don't know.

That is why I is come down
to the tree protesting site,

to solve the problem
of the environment.

And maybe to mash up some police.

Nice.

Wicked. We here at the
HQ of the tree people.

Gonna go in, help them out.

For them people out there,
what is they actually doing?

They... why is they here?

Because there's so little space...
from what I can gather,

there's so little space left in London,

and they want to put a
multistory cinema complex

and a rooftop car park for 1,000 cars.

But is it gonna be
one of them new cinemas

with air-conditioning and
Dolby Surround and all that?

Well, I don't know. It would be
a modern structure of some sort.

But they is wicked, no?
Should they not build this one

and knock down the crap ones
and then build trees there?

We is now gonna meet the main copper,
the guy who's solving it all out.

If it comes to Iraq, who
do you think's gonna win?

- It isn't gonna come to Iraq.
- Well, if it does.

No, it's not gonna come to Iraq.

This is being dealt with
as peacefully as possible.

Is it possible for us to get in?

Not at this stage,
because it's still dangerous.

- Is it 'cause I is black?
- Not at all.

Do you not think it's
time for those protestors

to start looking after themselves
and protecting themselves proper?

Well, violence doesn't
solve anything, does it?

- Well, I don't know. It does.
- It does and it doesn't.

Yeah, but it mainly does.

- Not really.
- Come on.

You can't conquer nothing
with violence, can you?

- Well, you can.
- In what?

- In what situation?
- Well, in a violent one.

♪ Who are the pixie people? ♪

♪ Are you one of the fairy folk? ♪

♪ Who are the pixie people? ♪

♪ Are you one of the fairy folk? ♪

♪ Who are the pixie people? ♪

♪ Are you one of the fairies? ♪

Do you like this planet?

- Do you want to see it go up in smoke?
- No!

♪ La, la... ♪

All right. Me has heard
both sides of the argument.

Me don't understand either of them.

But me is well up for Iraq anyway.

Booka, booka, booka,
hear me now, hear me now.

Shut the fuck up!

This is serious, you wanker!

You can take our trees,

you can take our trees,
but you can't take our freedom!

You can take our trees,
but you can't take our freedom!

Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom!

Come on!

Me gonna have a little go.

- Me gonna have a little go.
- Arrest him!

Is it because I is black?

So let's talk about e-volution.
What exactly is it?

It's the belief
that all of the different kinds of life

on the world today

are descended from the
same ancestral organism.

So what is we humanoids
evolutioned from?

We evolved from apes.

So you is basically saying
somewhere down the line,

me nan did it with a monkey?

Er, not exactly,
but we did descend from apes.

Do you think me Uncle Jamal
might have recently evolved?

'Cause he has got a very hairy back
and also one of them beards

- that stops right up there.
- Nope.

So when will the monkeys
that live now become 'umans?

Nothing says that they will.

If I kept a monkey
in a fridge for a million years,

and then I took it out,
would it be a humanoid?

- Nope.
- It would be naked, though, wouldn't it?

Uh... you mean in terms of
not having any hair?

- Clothes.
- It's hard to say. It's very difficult

to predict how evolution
goes in the future.

But what happens if monkeys
look at the humanoids

and think,
"All right, I want to be them.

I is well jealous,
'cause they is having a laugh."

Then they'd say,
"All right, let's do it.

Let's do the... let's do the evolution"?

That's not how evolution
works. You can't...

- you can't...
- So you claim. So you claim.

Right, so I claim. So I...

But I think this is... we
regard it as an "informed" claim.

If you shaved the monkey,
would it look like a 'uman?

Would it look like it?
It might, superficially.

- Has you ever tried it?
- No.

Why not, if you is doing the study?

Surely that would be the first
thing you went about doing.

Well, why would we,
why would we do that?

What would we gain by that?

To see if that we really is
evolutionized from the monkeys.

Shave 'em, let's have a look.

Well, I guess people have
done that in other ways.

- Aside from shaving, they've taken...
- Waxed?

No, they've taken
rulers or tape measurers.

Me nan sometimes says
to me that I is an animal

if I start chucking things
around or don't wipe it properly.

- Is she right?
- Well, you...

she may be saying that reminds you...

you remind her of an animal
because of things that you're doing.

If she says, "Hey, you is an animal,"
I say, "Yeah, so what?"

- Well, technically...
- "You did it with a monkey."

- You could say...
- "What is you talking to me about?"

What is the point of animals, Professor?

What do you mean by "the point"?

- They exist. They're here.
- But ain't most of them,

with the exceptions of
monkeys and scorpions,

with full respect to you, a bit crap?

I think they're pretty...
they're pretty important.

Yeah, but you would say that,

because your job is on the line.

Why don't we give animals an ultimatum?

"Either do something useful,
or piss off."

Which animals do you
want to say that to?

To animals, all the animals
that ain't doing something useful.

But I'd say... I think a lot of
them are doing something useful.

Do you eat meat?

Well, yeah, I eat, you know,
burgers and all that kind of stuff.

- Well, that comes from animals, right?
- Or not. Do they?

Do they?
Where does hamburger come from?

- Comes from McDonald's.
- Where does McDonald's get it?

From America.

And where... we don't
just raise hamburgers here.

- You make them?
- Comes from cattle.

Does it, though?

What happens if different
types of animals fall in love?

Doesn't happen very often
as far as everybody knows.

And if they were, they
wouldn't produce an offspring

in those cases.
It wouldn't amount to anything.

But what if the crocodile see the
flamingo and think, "I love her."

Would you step in and say,
"No, that ain't right"?

- Would I? No.
- Hmm.

It's like me and me Julie, though.

Because she comes from
the East side of town,

and me come from the West side of town.

"West side."

And they said that it was wrong
that we was meant to be together.

But the first time we got jiggy,

she actually came, so that
can't be wrong, can it?

It's whatever you think.

Is there any "butty" animals?

- What does that mean?
- You know, funny animals.

You mean, ones that appear funny to us?

No, no, no. You know...
"over the hill and around the corner."

Uh...

- So, why is all giraffes gay?
- Why are giraffes gay?

- Why is all giraffes gay?
- Who says they are?

- Well, they look it.
- Well...

Is there anything we can
learn from the animal kingdom?

There's a tremendous amount we
can learn from non-human animals.

How come we can't... excuse
me French, lick our own nuts?

If they can do it and me dog can do it,

and that dancer,
the Irish bloke, can do it,

how come we can't do it?

It's just a question of
anatomy, how we're built.

But do you think with evolution,

then in the future
we'll be able to do that?

It's hard to say.

- We can hope, though, huh?
- That's right.

I am here now with Lady Chelsea

to learn how to be real gentleman.

- Okay.
- It's very nice to meet you.

- Very nice.
- I'll do my best.

Yes.

How can you tell if someone is polite

- when you first meet them?
- You don't, really.

I mean, perhaps it's
the way they say hello

- and shake your hand.
- Yes.

Is the way I dress nice?
Is it okay?

It's not a typically
English way to dress.

- And my shoe, is good?
- Shoes? Yes.

It is from a Shoe
Express in Oxford Street.

Oh? All right.
That's fine. Black, yes.

And what do... will
we eat at dinner soon?

Lunch.

- Charlotte, this is Borat.
- How do you do?

- How do you do?
- And Bodrick, Borat.

How do you do? How do you do?

- So, we have a toast.
- Yes, toast!

Yes, yes.

- To Jenny and to television!
- To Jenny, to television.

- And to Kazakhstan.
- And to Kazakhstan!

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Because I saw you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's nice! It's nice.

Do you have wine... do you
have wine in Kazakhstan?

The real idea, if somebody gives you

a nice glass of white
wine, you should sip it.

Imagine you're making love.
You don't want to do it too quickly.

To make love? To have... sex?

- Well, now you're going to confuse him.
- Everything slowly.

Yeah, don't make love too quickly,
otherwise it's over too quickly.

Ah, yes!
I like to last a long time!

Oh, that's wonderful!
That's perfect!

Is that good.

I am good. I am good.

And what subject do we talk about?

Anything, really.
Depends who starts it.

I mean, you could start off by...
what would you say?

- Anything that comes into your head, really.
- Yes.

Mmm. This is very nice.

- My wife, she is dead.
- Oh! Why?

- How did that happen?
- What happened?

- She die, in the field.
- How?

She died from...
work, but with, uh, accident.

But is not important, I have a new wife.

Is it okay to talk about
what I did last night?

Yes, as long as you don't
go into lots of details,

- whether it be... I don't know.
- Yes?

Oh yes, if you said,

- "Yes, I went to see a film last night."
- Yes.

- Last night I have sex.
- Really?

See, I told you you
shouldn't mention your...

- what you did last night.
- No.

You say I could say
what I did last night.

No, you can say you went to see a film.

But it was nice!
She was lovely.

And...
how do I say...

I do not want to be rude...

what if I need to do a toilet?

You just say, "Oh, just
excuse me for a while."

- "Excuse me for a while."
- Yeah.

Please excuse me,
I will go for a minute.

- Okay.
- Certainly.

- Please excuse me.
- Certainly.

- Here he comes.
- Thank you.

- Okay.
- Sorry.

Would you like some
more potatoes and peas?

Because you haven't had any meat.

- Would you like some more?
- Or we have a pudding.

- Eh...
- Or do you want to have a lovely dessert?

- We have pudding, you know.
- Sweets?

Yes, dessert... thank you.

I had a good shit.

Don't say that.

- You didn't have any dog.
- You don't say that.

You know the Chinese, when they
say they've had a good meal,

there's a huge amount of
horrendous gurking and burping.

What to do...?
What is "gurking"?

When you go...

Oh!

High five, high five!

- Goodness gracious me!
- Yeah, you do it, eh?

- No, I can't do it.
- I can't do it.

Oh!

- Don't do it.
- That is absolutely outrageous!

Thank you. I can, like this?

- Good to have met you.
- Yeah, that's nice.

Bare cheek.

Oh-hh!

And big nose.

Uh, it was very nice...

- To have met you.
- ...to have met you.

- Very good.
- To have met you.

- Correct. Au revoir.
- Thank you.

How do you do?

- Bye.
- Bye.

We have an animal here in the studio.

- Should we get it out?
- Mm-hmm. Okay.

What the [bleep] is that, man?

- What is that?
- It's a hedgehog.

A little wild creature.

When they're afraid,
they go into a ball.

- Ah, that's wicked. That's cool.
- No it isn't.

- You like that now?
- Yeah, but after about five minutes,

after they done that, why
would you want to keep them?

Because it's part of our heritage
to have wild animals...

You're asking the question

- as though the value of that animal...
- A'ight?

or a flower, or anything,

could only consist in, could
only be its value to you.

- Okay.
- "That's funny. I can eat it!

I'm getting a laugh out of that."
Or it makes a good football or whatever.

- That would make a good football.
- Yeah, not a bad one. But... but...

- It's illegal now.
- What? That is illegal?

- It is, a long time.
- Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Liz, what if a kid is poor
and don't have enough money

- to buy a good quality football?
- You can't buy...

- Very good.
- Liz, it is interesting,

because it is only in the
last three or four years

that it has been illegal for
a child to kick a hedgehog

because, well, "Hell, I
like kicking hedgehogs."

- That's right.
- I'm not talking about anyone, "pff," but...

But what I was thinking
about, they're little mammals.

To that extent, they would feel pain.

Well, let's talk about people who
teach their pets special things.

Is that wrong?
Because me got this mate Dave,

him teach his pet to, like, go, "Wicked!"
When he slap it.

It is amazing thing to do.

The pet can go, "Wicked!"
This little dog.

Michael, don't this guy... this dog
that has been just as a little

jab with the fork or whatever,
ain't it enjoying that?

I don't know what you mean by
"little jab with a fork or whatever."

- Yeah.
- That rather worries me, really.

Wait, it don't hurt...
it don't bleed or anything like that.

And I ain't never done it,
but this is a guy I know.

"Just a pinprick," as
they say in the laboratory.

Okay. Is it wrong for people

to do experiments on
animals in their own home?

Well, I would say it's
wrong and unscientific.

'Cause we did a thing... years ago...

with this mouse in this
microwave or whatever,

to try about nuclear... to
do a nuclear test to see if it

could, you know, survive the
nuclear thing, and it did survive.

It came out and it was hot or
whatever, but it was still alive.

- Is that wrong?
- Yes.

That's pretty fiendish.

So, Mikey, Mikey, has
you ever eaten the meat?

Oh, no! I couldn't.

What happened if you had,
like, Big Mac here, really nice.

- Did you say, "Big Mac"?
- A'ight.

I'd go straight out of that door.

- Why?
- A Big Mac?

I've never set foot in a McDonald's yet.
Of course I wouldn't ...

- I wouldn't dream of it.
- What happens if it was the best meat

and the best... if you don't
like Big Mac or whatever...

- the best Chicken McNugget, whatever.
- Oh! Chicken McNugget?

You mean that colonel?
That bogus colonel?

- No.
- Colonel. Kentucky.

What if it was free?

- No, you have to think of it.
- Yes or no, what if it was free?

Well, of course not!
That's major...

What if someone paid
you a hundred squid?

- I wouldn't!
- What happens if they say,

"here's a chicken? You eat this,
or we kill another chicken."

No, that chicken is going to
be killed anyway for you to eat.

Ali, I must tell you, you just
asked the question which was

the hardest question that the
toughest moral philosopher when

I did philosophy at university
asked us.

Wicked.
Ali Indahouse!

A'ight!

sync & correction by f1nc0
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