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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,757 [Laszlo laughs] 2 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,342 Extraordinary. 3 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,470 You will want to get this on camera. Ha! 4 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,389 Quickly. Gizmo! 5 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,058 Gizmo? Gizmo, get up. 6 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,352 - Yeah? Yeah? - Where's Nandor? 7 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,396 Um, I think he's, uh, indisposed 8 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,481 at the moment, um, in his bedroom. 9 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:28,027 Ha, shaking hands with Rosie Palmer and her five milkmaids. 10 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,570 - What? - What? Follow me. 11 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,572 [Guillermo] Laszlo's still the only one who knows 12 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,450 I'm half-vampire and he's been doing experiments to help. 13 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,660 Happy to report that there's been some progress. 14 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,914 My telekinesis has gotten better. 15 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,251 [grunts] 16 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,503 Pretty cool, huh? 17 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:49,590 I have discovered something wonderful with the frogs 18 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,341 - that I injected with your blood. - Wait, 19 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:53,386 you-you did what with my blood? 20 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,556 - [chuckles] - Why are they so hairy? 21 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,266 Well, why are you so hairy? Who cares? 22 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,351 - Now, bon voyage. - What? No! 23 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,645 Those poor frogs! 24 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,648 [croaking] 25 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,403 [Laszlo] Shit. 26 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,073 Come on, little guy, 27 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,314 - come on, you can do it. - Shh! 28 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,409 - Your turn. - To do what? 29 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,619 I want you 30 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,995 to leap off that balcony. 31 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:21,288 What? 32 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,706 No, I'll break my legs. 33 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,708 - Bullshit. You saw those frogs. - Yeah. 34 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,211 They were transformed by your blood, they flew. 35 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,297 Ipso facto, shithead... 36 00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,882 so can you. 37 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,717 But what if I can't? 38 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,177 Yeah, but what if you can? 39 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,845 What if you can? 40 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,013 [chuckles softly] 41 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,848 - That would be pretty cool. - It would be 42 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,101 very cool. Now, I calculate 43 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,103 we have exactly two minutes before 44 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,063 Nandor finishes making pearl jam. 45 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,607 - Right. - So I'll see you at the bottom. 46 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,734 As the actress said to the bishop. [laughs] 47 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,236 Come on, Guillermo. 48 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:55,114 I believe in you and I love you, Guillermo. 49 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,448 Come on, Gizmo, let her rip. 50 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,325 Launch yourself forward, see what happens. 51 00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,409 We should practice 52 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:00,702 - closer to the floor first. - [Laszlo] No. 53 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,162 No, no, no. You will never fly 54 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,081 unless you need to. Panic is 55 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,834 the secret ingredient. Now, come on. 56 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,254 [breathing shakily] 57 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,172 Aah... 58 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,133 - [gasps] - [chuckles] 59 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,593 I'm doing it! [laughs] 60 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,220 - [Nandor] Guillermo? - Yes, Master... 61 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,972 - [screaming] - [Laszlo laughing] 62 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,558 - That's how we all learned. - [Guillermo whimpering] 63 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,726 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 64 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:27,229 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 65 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,731 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 66 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:32,401 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 67 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,363 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 68 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,908 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 69 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,661 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 70 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,997 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 71 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,124 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 72 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,419 ♪ ♪ 73 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,636 - [Nandor] Oh, shit. - [Guillermo whimpering] 74 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,471 What is this screaming? Is someone squeezing a snake? 75 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:02,806 Oh. 76 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,142 - Fucking hell. - [Nandor] What happened? 77 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,311 Well, I don't know. I was in the library. Don't look at me. 78 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,687 Does it hurt? 79 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,981 Because it looks like it really hurts. 80 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,649 - Hey, boners. - [Laszlo] What? 81 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,276 Nice shiner, Colin Robinson. 82 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,112 Hey, look at this dude. 83 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,989 [Nadja] Someone's had an interesting evening. 84 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,490 - Please help me. - [Colin] Wow. 85 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,201 What happened to dingus' foot? 86 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,452 [Laszlo] Who gives a fuck? 87 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,078 Tell us what happened to your blackened eye. 88 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,455 Yes, was it fisticuffs? 89 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,207 [gasps] Did you get kicked by a donkey? 90 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,083 Stop guessing and stop grabbing me. 91 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,668 This is the problem. 92 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,587 Take it easy, summer breezy. 93 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,714 [Colin] Every time I go to drain someone, 94 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,258 they see my black eye and want to know what happened. 95 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:41,094 All of a sudden, I'm too... G-damn interesting 96 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,221 to drain anyone. 97 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,056 - What the fuck? - [Nandor] Really? 98 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,766 You think you are too interesting? 99 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,559 I know I am. I mean, 100 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,561 this exact same thing happened when I came back from Vietnam. 101 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,396 [Nandor] Whoa. 102 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,814 You were in 'Nam? 103 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,024 [Laszlo] Well, thank you for your service. 104 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,860 Colin Robinson, I had no idea you were in the Army. 105 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,487 Oh, I-I wasn't in the Army. 106 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,113 About six years ago, 107 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,657 I took a cycling trip with Backroads. 108 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,909 - [groans] - On the third day, we found 109 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,577 a dead body. In a tree. 110 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,787 [Nandor] No kidding? 111 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,081 With an ox's asshole 112 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,541 around its neck like a necklace. 113 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,502 - What? - How did that happen? 114 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,171 Some poor farmer and his ox must've stepped 115 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,090 on a decommissioned land mine and... 116 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,467 blew him up into the tree and the ox's 117 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,219 asshole must've landed on his head. 118 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,845 - [Laszlo] Good grief. - Fascinating. 119 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,555 I wasn't expecting that ending. 120 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,849 [Colin] See? It's the black eye... makes 121 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,476 - my stories too interesting. - Do you think 122 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,979 that your black eye also has a very interesting story? 123 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,357 Unfortunately, yes, it's fucking remarkable. 124 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,441 [Laszlo] But this is Colin Robinson. 125 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,901 I mean, he can't have any more 126 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,611 fascinating stories in him. 127 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,948 Gee, you tell me. A five-pound frozen block 128 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,909 of shit and piss fall off a plane, landing 129 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:48,287 - on a 308 Ferrari - [Nadja] No way. 130 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,081 And blowing the sideview mirror right into my kisser. 131 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:52,874 Well, fuck my old boots. 132 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,543 Son of a bitch! 133 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,379 - Frozen blocks of pisses and shits? - [Colin] Yes. 134 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,922 - What will they think of next? - [Guillermo moaning] 135 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:01,091 Guillermo, oi... 136 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,218 No, fuck this, I want to stay here 137 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,137 and listen to his wonderful stories. 138 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,639 - Yes, me too. - Guillermo is your familiar. 139 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,850 I just went to get him new trousers a year ago. 140 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,226 It is your turn. 141 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,145 Fine. Fuck it. Whatever. 142 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,314 Okay, Guillermo, stop lying around. 143 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,482 Let's get that [speaks Greek] of yours looked at. 144 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,693 [Laszlo] Come on, boys, to the lab. 145 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,279 - Tell me more about this ox's anus. - [Guillermo] It really hurts. 146 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,114 Okay already, I said we're going. 147 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,116 Oh! Laszlo, my love, 148 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,659 did you just see a hairy frog? 149 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,328 The only hairy frog I'm interested in, 150 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,747 my darling, is the one between your legs. 151 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,914 It's not just a frog. 152 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,000 - It's the whole swamp. - True. 153 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,543 [laughs] Come on. 154 00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,295 Off you go, my love. 155 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,213 [door opens, closes] 156 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:42,341 [whistles] 157 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,676 Where are you? Come on, boy. [whistles] 158 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,887 Come on, boy. Where the fuck are you, 159 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,430 you fucking frog? 160 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,682 Are either of you allergic to penicillin? 161 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,642 - No. - What is that? 162 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,394 Just ragweed 163 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,271 - and chewing gum. - Chewing gum? 164 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,356 How unusual. 165 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,607 - That is unusual. - Guys, guys. 166 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,317 You're literally killing me. 167 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,569 Right, let's crack on. When I flick this switch, 168 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,071 the lights will flash, there'll be a horrible noise 169 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,322 and a terrible odor 170 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,115 as I transfer the life energy from Nandor 171 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,825 into Colin Robinson. 172 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,869 Sorry, Laszlo, I do have one question. 173 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,996 - [Laszlo] Which is? - Will it hurt? 174 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,456 Pain like you've never known. 175 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,750 And furthermore, if you're overdrained, you could die. 176 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,001 Fuck this, I'm out. 177 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,461 - What? - W-Wait a minute. 178 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,587 I'm starving. 179 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,172 And you will be fed, Colin Robinson. 180 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,257 But I think we should revert to our original plan. 181 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:27,094 - The original plan? Are you mad? - [Nandor] I think it's a pretty good plan. 182 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,720 We cover your black eye with makeup 183 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,305 and make you boring again. 184 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,474 It does seem a lot simpler. 185 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,518 - Let's do that. - [Laszlo] All right. 186 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,353 - Cowards. - [Colin] Makes sense. 187 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,730 Turn your back on science at your own peril. 188 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,815 We'll take our chances. 189 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,899 - Thank you, Laszlo. - Yeah. 190 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,859 [Guillermo] [grunts] Seriously, Nadja, 191 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,861 I don't need urgent care. I can just sleep it off. 192 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,613 Do you really think I want to doing this? 193 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,782 If it was up to me, I would have just packed your ankle 194 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,575 in some mud made from fish piss 195 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,077 and fed you some pickled pig's ears. 196 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,163 But, no, my husband thinks a doctor is better. 197 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,457 [imitates Laszlo] "Trust the science, my darling." 198 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,042 - [spits] - [Guillermo] I don't know what's going on 199 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,961 with my body right now, but if a doctor finds out 200 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,046 that I'm almost a vampire, I'm a dead man. 201 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,257 And if Nadja finds out, it'll be worse, so... 202 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,341 - [shrieks] - Stop squirming, Guillermo, 203 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,426 we're very close now. 204 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,136 No, you know what? I feel a lot better. 205 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,847 The vampire doctor is going to fix your mangled foot. 206 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,807 What? You said we were going to urgent care. 207 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,559 Yes, Familiar Urgent Care, silly. 208 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,437 No. No, Nadja, no! 209 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,319 Oh, just look at all these people to feed from. 210 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,905 I don't know, I kind of feel like I want go home 211 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,867 - and take the train to sleepy town. - No! 212 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,035 It would be a sleep of death. 213 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,163 Just take a look at all these losers, hmm? 214 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,998 [Colin] Outdoor diners. 215 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,083 - They do deserve it. - [Nandor] Yes. 216 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,002 - Great start. - Uh, excuse me. 217 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,670 Hello. 218 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,173 I notice you have a d... Oh. Ooh. 219 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,008 - You got this. - [Colin] Doggie bag. 220 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,052 Interesting story about how the... 221 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,889 origin of the doggie bag started. 222 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,850 It was actually a... Ow! 223 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,810 - [man] Oh, shit! - [Colin] Son of a bitch! 224 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,188 World War II, they would 225 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,148 - take food home for their dog - [woman] Did you see that? 226 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,400 - Instead of wasting it. - [people chattering] 227 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,902 Don't look at me! 228 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,570 This isn't interesting. 229 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,779 What have you done? 230 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,240 Someone ran over my foot, shithead. It hurt. 231 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,450 Tell them to go away. 232 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,494 Nothing interesting here. Keep moving, please. 233 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,037 Stop filming me! 234 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,830 - Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay. 235 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,790 Shoo! He needs privacy. 236 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,001 - It is fine. - [Colin] Nandor, take me home. 237 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,211 I'm taking you home. We're gonna go home. 238 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,213 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? 239 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,297 - No! - [man] What the fuck? 240 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,381 That's the dude from Mad Men. 241 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:29,633 Oh, for fuck's sake. 242 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,343 [man 2] Oh, where's your martini, bud? 243 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,761 - Hi. - [Colin] You got to be kidding me. 244 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,596 [man 2] Damn, you just got hit by John Slattery. 245 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,014 - That is crazy. - What the heck happened? 246 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,641 You stepped off the curb without even looking. 247 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,476 What happened is you ran over my foot! 248 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,436 We really need to go. My friend is not well. 249 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,854 Let me drive you to the hospital. I-I just 250 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,606 played a-a doctor on a season of The Good Fight. 251 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:45,732 They love me over there. 252 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,150 That was a really good episode. 253 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,860 It doesn't even really hurt that much 254 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,529 - anymore. - Well, I'll-I'll drive you home, please? 255 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,322 - It's the least I can do. - You know what? 256 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,990 We will accept your generous offer. 257 00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,492 - Yes, yes. - What the fuck are you doing? 258 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,035 [man] Hey, John, over here. 259 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,578 We will be in that car alone 260 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,372 with this gentleman that owes you a debt. 261 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,998 Which you will collect 262 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,000 by feeding. 263 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,710 - Hmm? - Yeah. 264 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,713 John Slattery coming to the aid of the guy he just ran over. 265 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,173 - Shotgun left. - Fuck! 266 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,300 - John Slattery, please. - [man] You're a hero, John. 267 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,261 - [man 2] One of the greats. - [Colin] He's not one of the greats. 268 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,137 - He's a reckless driver. - [man] You're a reckless 269 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,305 - walker. - Peasants, disperse! 270 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,515 - Begone! - [man] He call us peasants? 271 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,226 - [crowd groans] - [man] Oh, rude. 272 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,478 [Guillermo] Animal hospital? Why are we-why are we going here? 273 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,480 Ow! [grunting] 274 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,648 [whispering] This is for pets. I'm not a dog. 275 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,899 Shh! Potato, "potahto." 276 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,360 [normal volume] Um, yes, hello, um, I've got a broken familiar. 277 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,112 So, you're gonna want to go around that corner... 278 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,238 Yeah, I've been here before. 279 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,782 There is nothing to see here. 280 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:39,620 It is just a Doberman with a floppy tail. 281 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,788 - Hold on tight. - Wait, where are we going? 282 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,290 - Uh, through the wall. - No, no stop! 283 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,749 - That's a solid wall. - No, it's not. 284 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,503 No. No! No! [gasping] Okay. 285 00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:49,671 - That was kind of cool. - It's just a common cold, 286 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:50,755 so there's gonna be sneezing 287 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:53,842 and coughing and that is gonna be a burden on you, 288 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,554 so I have a recommendation. And that is put her down. 289 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,265 - Oh, gosh, you really think so? - [doctor] Even if she recovers 290 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,976 from this cold, she's... 291 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,644 good God, she's, like, almost 40. 292 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,563 She might squeeze out a few more good years, 293 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,481 but we're talking quality of life. 294 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,191 Okay, let's do it. 295 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,985 No, fuck this. I'm out of here. 296 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,862 Oh, calm, down, it'll be okay. 297 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,322 No! 298 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,115 [Nadja] Got a live one. [laughs] 299 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,700 - Thanks, guys. - [doctor] Sedate him, Jack. 300 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:19,868 No. 301 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,536 - [Nadja] Fantastic. - [doctor] That's it. 302 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:22,954 [Nadja] Aw. 303 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,623 Sweet dreams, Guillermo. 304 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,374 - [laughs] - [doctor] Yeah, perfect. 305 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,918 [John] You, uh, you okay back there? 306 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,837 You look like shit. 307 00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,298 Well, yeah, I mean, you ran over my foot. 308 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,092 Sorry about all the cell phone pictures and stuff. 309 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,636 You know, you would that people in New York 310 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,471 would have seen a famous actor before. 311 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,348 It is quite all right, John Slattery. 312 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,558 You have our gratitude. 313 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,560 [whispers] Drain him. 314 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,729 [normal volume] Do you find it, uh, difficult? 315 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,856 What? 316 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,941 Do you find it difficult 317 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,943 being an older actor? 318 00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,987 Having to memorize lines? 319 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,947 Especially when you've been drinking. 320 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,325 Slattery... that's an Irish name, right? 321 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,452 Wait, s-say that last part again. 322 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,537 What, "Slattery's an Irish name"? 323 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:07,832 I mean, I personally don't mind the Irish. 324 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:11,002 But I just don't like it when they try to sound intelligent. 325 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,421 Huh, wow. 326 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,299 I could listen to you talk for hours. 327 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,425 - Exsqueeze me? - I mean, 328 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,135 not to what you're saying, but to that accent. 329 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,513 It's just so specific. Where are you from? 330 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,681 - Well... - Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. 331 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,807 Upper Midwest. 332 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,892 For sure. Uh, Wisconsin? 333 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,852 But not eastern Wisconsin, that would have more of 334 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,979 a Germanic influence to it, am I right? 335 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,607 Are you, like, prepping for a role or something? 336 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:35,151 No, this isn't for a role. I just love accents. 337 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,112 People are just walking stories, you know? 338 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,948 In all their fascination and specificity. 339 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,199 You ever see the movie Spotlight? 340 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,952 About the Boston Globe reporters 341 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:47,706 who uncovered the sexual abuse coverup in the Catholic church? 342 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,874 - Yeah, exactly. - No. 343 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,876 Oh. Well, in that I played Ben Bradlee, Jr. 344 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,087 And that character begins with the accent, 345 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,548 because the real Bradlee is from Boston. 346 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,050 But he's an upper-crust guy. 347 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,427 [Boston accent] Not like some jamoke standing 348 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,095 around Kelly's Tavern 349 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,888 in, uh, Revere Beach, you know what I mean? 350 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,890 - Very good, John Slattery. - [regular accent] Not bad, right? 351 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,892 - But I was talking to him. - Oh. 352 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,853 [John] You know, it's funny, I had this babysitter when I was a kid. 353 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,813 She was Irish. Her name was Vivian. 354 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,274 But again, sorry for your loss. 355 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,359 She was just a familiar, but thank you. 356 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,570 It is kind of nice to think of Cathy 357 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,447 on that rainbow bridge, 358 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,198 doing stuff with her familiar friends. 359 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,868 Having spaghetti or whatever it is they dream of doing. 360 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,328 Well, they're in a better place now. 361 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,997 - Yes. - [mutters] I wish I was. 362 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,666 - I'm looking for a Nadja. - [normal volume] Oh, yes. 363 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,793 - Please, can we go? - Well, 364 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,879 Guillermo's ankle is healing up nicely, 365 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,047 which is very unusual, so... 366 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:41,134 just to be safe... I say we put him down. 367 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,510 He could break that ankle again, 368 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,304 he could break the other ankle or 369 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,972 - he could just bitch a lot. - Hmm. 370 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,849 Think we're just gonna take him home. 371 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,768 All right. Well, that is your choice. 372 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,770 - Yes. - Oh, there's one more thing. 373 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,439 The results of that blood work came back and they're very odd, 374 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,733 so I'm just gonna have it retested, will not take long. 375 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,652 I promise I'm gonna get you out of here well before sunrise. 376 00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:00,820 [woman screaming in distance] 377 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,405 [Nadja] Now I'm thinking, 378 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,407 "They're going to test him again?" 379 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,075 What if they find that Van Helsing muck 380 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,452 in his blood? [spits] 381 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,053 I'm going to have to get him out of here. 382 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,790 [Colin] Why are we heading towards 383 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,458 the Verrazzano Bridge? 384 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,044 Uh, are you-are you taking us to Brooklyn? 385 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,004 [imitating Colin] Are you taking us to Brooklyn? Are you... 386 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,506 [regular voice] That... It's really... That's a tough one. It's got kind 387 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,216 of a twang to it. Say something else. 388 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,926 I don't want to go to Brooklyn. 389 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,552 [John imitates Colin] I don't want to go to Brooklyn? 390 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,095 [regular voice] There's a little bit of an uptalk there. 391 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,764 [imitates Colin] I don't want to go to Brooklyn? 392 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,932 - Can you let us out right h... - [imitating Colin] Can you 393 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,767 let us out right here, please? 394 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:31,851 [regular voice] You also have these interesting 395 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,353 pauses in your speech, but 396 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,064 I can't tell if they're regional or uniquely you or... 397 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,649 It's just the most interesting accent 398 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,609 - I've ever heard. - Okay, fuck this. 399 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,402 [John] I mean, where are you from? I'm sorry, guys. That's kind of 400 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,112 mean, right? I'm not trying to make fun of you, 401 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,405 I'm just trying to get it in my head, you know, 402 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:45,990 it's all about muscle memory. 403 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,575 Guillermo? 404 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,536 Guillermo! 405 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,038 Guillermo, why the hell are you wearing a dress? 406 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,666 Hey, Nandor, you made it. Hey, girl. 407 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,167 Get your shit together, we got to go. 408 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,127 No, I want to lie down. You know they gave me 409 00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,755 some relax and it's making me feel very medicine. 410 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,590 [speaks Greek] They are testing your blood 411 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,801 and they're going to find your Van Helsing germs 412 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,678 and whatever else you've got going on in there and then 413 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,013 - they're going to kill you, so let's go! - That sounds serious. 414 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,640 Can I say something? 415 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,684 - Nadja? - What? 416 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,520 I think you're wonderful and I love... Ow! 417 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,982 You're a crazy bitch. But I love you. 418 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,733 You know who else I love is Laszlo. 419 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,610 But he's a horny little bitch. 420 00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,654 I also love Colin Robinson. 421 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,573 He's, like, a little boring bitch. 422 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,199 Like, he's like an LBB. 423 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,202 But, you know, the one I love the most is actually Nandor. 424 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,496 - Because he's, like, the queen bitch. - [tapping on glass] 425 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,081 - [Nadja exclaims] - Is that crazy? 426 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,499 Hey. Who's that bitch? 427 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,419 Wow, you are such a miracle worker. 428 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,504 He is back to a red, shiny, 429 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,590 fresh apple, so, think we're gonna get 430 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,049 - the ol' dog home now. [chuckles] - Yeah. 431 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,384 I don't think that's gonna happen. 432 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,594 I have a question for you. 433 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,220 Who turned him? 434 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,763 Who what? 435 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,557 According to his blood, 436 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,475 this familiar has been turned into a vampire. 437 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,270 Yes, it's early stages, but he is well on his way. 438 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,355 No, I'm sorry, there's been a huge mistake. 439 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,900 Are you regretting turning him? Because if you are, 440 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,943 you should have thought of that before you did it. 441 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,820 - Guillermo? - Yeah. 442 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,280 - A vampire? - Yes. 443 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,364 That thing? 444 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:10,283 That loser is a vampire? 445 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,701 Absolutely not. 446 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,244 Have you seen how lame he is? 447 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,621 Science does not lie. 448 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,830 Now, it must be recent 449 00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,332 because he's still transforming. 450 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:20,043 No one in our house would do such a thing. 451 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,378 Well, then we have a very big problem, 'cause 452 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,088 I'm gonna put him down. 453 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,674 Well, you can't do that because... 454 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,051 He is our familiar! 455 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,888 - You need to let him go. - Get your hands off of me! 456 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,890 [exhales] 457 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,434 Guillermo? Guillermo? 458 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,731 Guillermo! Guillermo! 459 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,655 Guillermo! Guillermo, snap out of it. 460 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,573 They think you are a bastard vampire 461 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,741 And they're going to kill you. 462 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,117 - Guillermo? - [doctor] Come on, girl. 463 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,661 Get out! 464 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,287 Guillermo. 465 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,623 Guillermo? Hello? 466 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,167 Sorry. [chuckles] Guillermo? 467 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,461 Guillermo? 468 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,380 Nadja, hi. 469 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,048 What? You work here? 470 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,591 Volunteer, actually. 471 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,969 It's a way of giving back. 472 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,304 I mean, who rescued who, right? 473 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,765 - Have you seen Guillermo? - Guillermo? 474 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,642 Oh, no, no, not here. 475 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,560 This place is just for strays. 476 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:22,021 - I have a family. - Hey! Eat your chicken! 477 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:24,315 - [whispers] He's not gonna make it. - I can hear you. 478 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,484 Guillermo! Open! 479 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,236 Guillermo. 480 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,738 [Colin] Uh, I don't... think I can make it. 481 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:33,157 [Nandor] Of course you're gonna make it. I know this is difficult, 482 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,368 but you've got to be strong, okay? 483 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:39,122 I want you to go in here and ask to use the toilet. 484 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,958 Then I want you to ask for a sanitary wipe. 485 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,710 Then I want you to ask 486 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,670 when the last time they cleaned the toilet. 487 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,130 Then I want you to tell them 488 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,673 you're gonna take a nice big shit, okay? 489 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,009 It's gonna buy you a few more hours of energy. 490 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,720 - Whoa! Get the fuck out! - [Colin] Oh, fuck. 491 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,347 - May I use your toilet? - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 492 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,516 Yo! 493 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,476 It's my guy from TikTok. 494 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,270 What? 495 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,565 Whoa! Nobody fucking move. 496 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,860 ♪ Jump around... ♪ 497 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,153 [Nandor] Colin Robinson, that's you. 498 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,654 - [Colin] Oh, for crying out loud. - Yeah. 499 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,948 [Nandor] How did they make this so quick? And the music? 500 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,450 Aah! 501 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,993 [Nandor] Nice shot. 502 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,620 Thank you so much! You saved my store! 503 00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:21,914 - He did? - How clean's your toi... 504 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,167 - It's... - No! 505 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,960 Colin Robinson! 506 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,171 - Guillermo! - You can't be back here. 507 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,173 Move! 508 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,175 - Fuck off! - [screams] 509 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,343 - Guillermo! - Hey, girl. 510 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,721 Get off him! Get away! 511 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,140 - He's mine! - [grunting] 512 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,267 [screaming] 513 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:44,020 Get off him! Get off! 514 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,314 Shoo! Scram! 515 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,316 [whimpering] 516 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,859 Now, what the fuck, man? 517 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,736 This doctor tells me you're almost a vampire? 518 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,821 Oops, I have a little secret. 519 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,657 - Focus, Guillermo. The truth now. - [groans] 520 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,701 Fine! Okay? 521 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,996 I took my fate into my own destiny and I had Derek do it. 522 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,206 - [gasps] - I paid him to do it. 523 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,290 He turned me into a vampire! 524 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,958 Derek? 525 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:09,337 You could have been turned by a legendary vampire, 526 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,965 and you gave it away to Derek? 527 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:16,135 Nandor is going to rip your face into a new asshole. 528 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,720 Well, it doesn't matter, does, it, 'cause these guys 529 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,472 - are gonna kill me anyways. - Oh shut up, you dumb dick. 530 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,058 I'm not gonna let them kill you. That is Nandor's privilege. 531 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,144 - Now, come on, let's go. - [door opens] 532 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,063 I told you, we need to put him down. 533 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,648 That's not going to happen. 534 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,108 He is coming with me, 535 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,111 and his master will decide how to kill him. 536 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,030 If we release an abomination like that onto the street, 537 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,865 I'm gonna lose my medical license. 538 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,951 [snarling] 539 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,661 [Guillermo] Nadja! Watch out. 540 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,164 - [groaning] - [grunting] 541 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,961 [Nadja] Help me, you load. 542 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,672 - Oh, whoa. - [gasps] Good one, Guillermo! 543 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,840 - Ow. - Yes! 544 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,550 Nice one. 545 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,301 - Ha! - Watch out! 546 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,762 [grunting] 547 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,764 [hisses] 548 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,474 [grunting] 549 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,768 [Guillermo] Don't touch her! 550 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,061 No! 551 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,105 [grunting] 552 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,190 [Nadja] You're just a glorified vet. 553 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,109 [grunts] Guillermo! 554 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,193 Nadja! 555 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,154 [grunting] 556 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,406 Get away from her, you bitch! 557 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:22,034 Oh! [groans, grunts] 558 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:25,246 [exhales] [slurring] Thank you, Girerro. 559 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:28,583 Oh. I think I might've got a little bit of poison in my face. 560 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,293 Do I look okay? 561 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,504 - Yeah. You look... you look fine. - Good. 562 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,173 Now go and find your clothes and I'll... 563 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,883 [speaking unintelligibly] 564 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,510 Let's go. 565 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,597 Laszlo! Laszlo! 566 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,390 - What is it, man? - Help! 567 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,518 Quick, to the laboratory. 568 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,563 - Laszlo, hurry. Please hurry. - All right. 569 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,315 Now, brace yourself, fellas. 570 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,649 Turning the machine 571 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,611 - on. - [groaning] 572 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:58,738 [coughing] 573 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,406 Is it working? Do you feel good? 574 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:01,574 [coughing] 575 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,702 It hurt at first, but now I kind of like it. 576 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,870 - Yeah. - [groaning softly] 577 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,539 What exactly is the purpose of this machine? 578 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,292 It's just a simple energy transference device. 579 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,295 I originally built it to combat situational impotence, 580 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,797 or whiskey dick, as you might call it. 581 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:20,134 Oh, that makes sense, 'cause I'm getting a little 582 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,969 tickle in my pickle. 583 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,888 Well, that's an accident, 'cause I removed that aspect. 584 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,765 - Must be the vibrations. - Could be. 585 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,850 Or could be the smell. 586 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,810 I really like the smell of burning hair. 587 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:30,895 What about you, Nandor? 588 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,813 How are you finding it? 589 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,483 Oh, fuck. 590 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,198 - [machine buzzing] - Shit. Turning the machine off. 591 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,282 [machine powers down] 592 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,700 Reverse the process, Laszlo. 593 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,327 Well, I can't. It's too late, isn't it? 594 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,204 - Look at him. Shit. - [Nadja] [in distance] Laszlo! 595 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,747 - Get fucking downstairs! - Shit. 596 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,458 Go ahead. I'll reenergize Nandor myself. 597 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:53,668 - How? - [Nadja] Laszlo! 598 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,002 Well, if I can drain the energy from people, 599 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,212 I sure as hell can put it back in them. 600 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:57,588 - Just go. Trust me. - [Nadja] Get downstairs! 601 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,548 - Coming, my darling. - [Nadja] Don't you "darling" me. 602 00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,467 [Laszlo] Would I be wrong in sensing some... 603 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,678 - [singsongy] Nandor? Hello. - [Nadja shouting in distance] 604 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,514 It's your boy, Colin Robinson. 605 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:11,102 But I'm going to tell you my real name. It's... 606 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,437 Arthur... 607 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:14,939 Simon... 608 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,190 Santino. 609 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,734 But I-I had to change it 610 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,362 because people would laugh when they realized 611 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,865 that the initials spelled out "ass." 612 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,117 [gasps] 613 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,702 [weakly] Ass. 614 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,037 Do you know who it was that pointed that out to me? 615 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,122 [weakly] No. 616 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,416 It was my ex-boyfriend, 617 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,084 - Davy Crockett. - [exhales] 618 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:36,712 At the Alamo. 619 00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:39,255 - Really? - Yeah. 620 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,173 If-if you don't believe me, 621 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:45,177 maybe this knife that Jim Bowie gave me will convince you. 622 00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:46,805 [Nandor] Ass. 623 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:50,349 [Laszlo] My darling, you need to calm down. 624 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,434 I mean, what the hell? 625 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:52,768 - [shushing] - We have a little two-faced bitch, 626 00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:53,853 lying-behind-the-back 627 00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,771 vampire in the house and my husband doesn't think 628 00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:57,023 - I need to know about it? - Cool it, 629 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:59,108 my darling. I'm just trying to find a cure. 630 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,192 All right? Now, 631 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:01,485 if I can stop the transformation, 632 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:03,487 maybe Nandor can turn Gizmo. 633 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,697 You are a worthless 634 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,949 - piece of big, wet skatá, Guillermo. - Yeah. 635 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,909 When Nandor finds out, he's going to kill you. 636 00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,202 And then he's going to kill all of us. 637 00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:11,287 - Mm. - And then he's going to kill himself. 638 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:12,413 - Then don't tell him. - I'm not going 639 00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:13,622 to lie to my housemate to cover up 640 00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:14,999 - your treachery. [spits] - [Guillermo] Just give me 641 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,792 a chance to make this up. When I did this, I didn't... 642 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:18,753 Finally. Well, well, well. 643 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:20,254 You've been gone all night. 644 00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:21,380 What, you can't even call? 645 00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:22,798 Sorry. 646 00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:24,050 They tried to put me down. 647 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,301 What? Why? 648 00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,802 What did the doctor say? 649 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:28,179 [Laszlo] Uh, uh, uh... 650 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,597 [sighs] 651 00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:30,724 Yes? 652 00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,351 Guillermo is fine. 653 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,269 Just your average weak-boned, 654 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,896 - broken-foot familiar. - [Nandor groans] 655 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:40,024 I guess someone won't be cutting a rug anytime soon. 656 00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,276 [Nandor] Wait. 657 00:22:42,652 --> 00:22:44,237 Don't move. 658 00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:47,366 [shuddering softly] 659 00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,202 - [grunts] - [croaking softly] 660 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,536 What... 661 00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:54,288 the hell... 662 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,333 is this? 663 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,253 Hmm? 664 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:02,630 Frog? 665 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,423 [Nandor] Really? A frog? 666 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:07,134 A frog that flies and has hair 667 00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:09,679 and looks kind of like you? 668 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:13,057 Guillermo, do you think I am an idiot? 669 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,433 [whispers] Say no. 670 00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:15,518 [normal volume] No. 671 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:16,769 [Nandor] That's right. 672 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,270 Because this is 673 00:23:18,271 --> 00:23:19,939 precisely what happens 674 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,775 when a little birdy sneaks into this house, 675 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:25,403 fucks a mouse, they have a child that grows up 676 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,947 that then fucks a frog that looks like you. 677 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:31,450 [sighs] This is a direct result of your slacking. 678 00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:34,370 We are not running a fucking circus here. 679 00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:36,081 - [croaking softly] - Yeesh. 680 00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,999 Give him to me. 681 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,334 You may have fooled him, 682 00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:43,546 'cause he has the IQ of a Russian toilet, 683 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,548 but I know you're up to something, aren't you, 684 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,342 you little sneaky Pete? 685 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:52,555 Okay, Colin, 686 00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,223 - if I tell you something... - [Colin] Psych. 687 00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:55,851 I couldn't give two squirts. 688 00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:01,982 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 689 00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:06,528 ♪ It's in the blood ♪ 690 00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:10,990 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 691 00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:12,116 ♪ It's in the blood... ♪ 692 00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,784 [frog] Gui... 693 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:17,163 - ller... mo. - Surely not. 694 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,247 Gui... 695 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:20,833 ller... mo. 696 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,001 - [croaks] - [laughs] 697 00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,085 Yeah. 698 00:24:23,086 --> 00:24:24,295 Carry on. 699 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:25,797 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 700 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,757 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 701 00:24:28,758 --> 00:24:30,759 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 702 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,804 ♪ Get it or not ♪ 703 00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:35,222 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 704 00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:38,184 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 705 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,268 ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ 706 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,813 ♪ Tell him or not ♪ 707 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:53,782 - ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ - ♪ If you catch the cure ♪ 708 00:24:53,783 --> 00:24:56,785 - ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ - ♪ If you catch the cure... ♪ 709 00:24:56,786 --> 00:25:00,748 - ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ - ♪ You can tell without knowing ♪ 710 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:02,791 - ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ - ♪ If you catch the cure ♪ 711 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,794 - ♪ It's in the blood, man ♪ - ♪ If you catch the cure... ♪ 712 00:25:05,795 --> 00:25:07,797 ♪ It's in the blood, man. ♪ 52512

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