All language subtitles for This Is Spinal Tap.eng

Hello. My name is Marty DiBergi.

I'm a filmmaker.

I make a lot of commercials.

That little dog that chases
the covered wagon

underneath the sink.

That was mine.

In 1966,

I went down to Greenwich Village
in New York,

to a rock club called the Electric Banana.

Don't look for it. It's not there anymore.

But that night,
I heard a band that, for me,

redefined the word "rock 'n' roll."

I remember being knocked out
by their exuberance,

their raw power and their punctuality.

That band was Britain's
now-legendary Spinal Tap.

Seventeen years and 15 albums later,

Spinal Tap is still going strong.

And they've earned
a distinguished place in rock history

as one of England's loudest bands.

So in the late fall of 1982,

when I heard
that Tap was releasing a new album

called "Smell the Glove"

and was planning their first tour
of the United States

in almost six years
to promote that album,

well, needless to say,
I jumped at the chance

to make the documentary,

the, if you will, rockumentary
that you're about to see.

I wanted to capture the sights,
the sounds,

the smells of a hardworking rock band
on the road.

And I got that.

But I got more.

A lot more.

But, hey, enough of my yakking.

What do you say? Let's boogie!

Gives me a lot of energy,
makes me happy.

Metal's deep. You get stuff out of it.

The way they dress, the leather.

- Which one is this? LaGuardia?
- No, this is JFK.

- Oh, yes.
- New York, New York.

Watch its mouth, watch its mouth.

It's like you become one
with the guys in the band.

I mean, there's… There's no division.

You just…
The music just unites people…

with the players.

You want it right?
Direct from hell, Spinal Tap!

♪ You're hot
You take all we've got ♪

♪ Not a dry seat in the house ♪

♪ Next day
We'll be on our way ♪

♪ But tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight, I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Yeah, tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

We are Spinal Tap from the UK.
You must be the U.S.A.!

♪ Little girl
It's a great big world ♪

♪ But there's only one of me! ♪

Let's talk a little bit about
the history of the group.

I understand, Nigel, you and David
originally started the band,

well, back in, when was it, 1964?

Before that, we were in different groups.

I was in a skiffle group
called The Creatures.

I was in Lovely Lads.

And then we looked
at each other and said:

"We might as well join up,"
you know, and…

- So we became The Originals.
- Right.

And we had to change our name, actually.

Well, there was another group
in the East End called The Originals.

We had to rename ourselves.

- The New Originals.
- The New Originals. And then…

- They became—
- The Regulars.

They changed their name and we thought,

we could go back to The Originals,
but what's the point?

We became The Thamesmen
at that point.

♪ Stop wasting my time ♪

♪ You know what I want ♪

♪ You know what I need ♪

♪ Or maybe you don't ♪

♪ Do I have to
Come right flat out ♪

♪ And tell you everything? ♪

♪ Gimme some money ♪

♪ Gimme some money ♪

Your first drummer was—

- The Peeper.
- John Stumpy Pepys…

- Yeah.
- Great, great, uh…

tall, blond geek with glasses.

- Yeah. Good drummer.
- Great look. Good drummer.

Fine drummer.

- What happened to him?
- He died.

He died in a bizarre gardening accident
some years back.

It's really one of those things,
it was, you know,

the authorities said,
you know, "Best leave it."

- Yeah.
- Unsolved, really, you know?

And he was replaced by, uh…

Stumpy Joe. Eric Stumpy Joe.

What happened to Stumpy Joe?

Well, uh,

it's not a very pleasant story, but, uh…

- He's passed on.
- He died, uh…

He choked on…

The official explanation
was he choked on vomit.

So he's passed away.

It was actually
someone else's vomit.

- It's not—
- It's ugly.

There's no real…

Well, they can't prove whose vomit it was.

They don't have the facilities
at Scotland Yard…

There's no way
to print a spectra-photograph.

You can't dust for vomit.

Here we go.

Soho, they call this place.

- It's the band!
- "So" what?

Soho.

- How are you?
- Nice to see you!

- Ian! Hi, fellas.
- Yes.

How are you doing? Come over here.

- Who is that?
- Bobbi Flekman.

- Who's that?
- Bobbi Flekman. Bobbi Flekman.

- With the record company?
- Come over here, everybody.

So, yes, Bobbi Flekman—

- Bobbi, of course, how are you?
- The hostess with the mostest.

- We know.
- You know, you know.

Hi, handsome. How you doing?

All right, listen, I want you all
to meet Sir Denis Eton-Hogg.

- He's the head of Polymer.
- We know.

You don't talk so much,
just smile and look smart.

- Oh, she knows.
- Denis, come here! Come here.

I want you to meet Spinal Tap,
our guests of honor.

- How very nice to meet you.
- Kids, this is Sir Denis Eton-Hogg.

- Hello.
- This is Nigel.

- Oh, so this is Nigel.
- Thanks a lot for letting us…

Yeah. Let's go over here
and take a picture together.

Where's Christine?
Where's my photographer?

Come over here, honey.
What's your name? Christine?

Okay, right over here.

Good. Good!

Guys, you look great.
I mean, you look fantastic.

You would never know you're almost 40.

If I looked this good from the stage too,
it's amazing, you know.

- I did the bird.
- Do the dead bird, change this.

- Get the dwarf cannolis.
- I did the bird.

Come on, don't talk back, huh?
Mime is money, let's go!

- Come on, move it!
- Now, we here at Polymer.

We're all looking forward to a long
and fruitful relationship with Spinal Tap.

We wish them great success
on their North American tour,

and so say all of us:

Tap into America!

Yeah!

Excuse me.
Are you reading Yes, I Can?

- Yeah. Have you read it?
- Yeah, by Sammy Davis Jr.?

Yeah.

You know what the title
of that book should be?

Yes, I Can,

If Frank Sinatra Says It's Okay.

'Cause Frank calls the shots
for all of those guys.

Did you get to the part yet
where Sammy's coming out of the Copa

and it's about 3 o'clock in the morning
and he sees Frank?

Frank's walking down Broadway
by himself…

Fuckin' limeys.

Well, you know, they're not, uh…

- Yeah, yeah.
- They're not used to that world.

Frank Sinatra. It's a different world.

You know, it's just people like this…

You know, they get all they want,
so they don't really understand,

you know, about a life like Frank's.

I mean, when you've loved
and lost the way Frank has,

then you know what life's about.

The Times may even do something.

- Really?
- New York Times?

That's a minor bump
we've got to iron out here

is when do we get the album released.

It doesn't matter how good the press is
or what the stringers…

As I explained last night, you know,

we're not gonna saturate
the New York market.

Now, Philly,
that's a real rock 'n' roll town.

Great town.

Be assured
that the album will be available

all through the Philadelphia
metropolitan area.

So you are hitting that market,

regardless of how we're selling
in New York?

We're certainly doing—
I'm doing everything I can.

We're not blaming you. You know that.

But you don't feel these guys have
an effect on an audience?

Kids go to their concert.
They have a great time.

But it's a passing thing, it's, uh…

I mean, I would never tell them this,
but this is, uh…

This is a fad.

♪ The bigger the cushion
The sweeter the pushin' ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ The looser the waistband
The deeper the quicksand ♪

♪ Or so I have read ♪

♪ My baby fits me
Like a flesh tuxedo ♪

♪ I'd like to sink her
With my pink torpedo ♪

♪ Big bottom
Big bottom ♪

♪ Talk about bum cakes
My girl's got 'em ♪

♪ Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind ♪

♪ How could I leave this behind? ♪

♪ I met her on Monday
'Twas my lucky bun day ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ I love her each weekday
Each velvety cheek day ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ My love gun's loaded
And she's in my sights ♪

♪ Big game is waiting there
Inside her tights, yeah ♪

♪ Big bottom
Big bottom ♪

♪ Talk about mud flaps
My girl's got 'em ♪

♪ Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind ♪

♪ How could I leave this behind? ♪

Let's talk about your reviews
a little bit.

Regarding Intravenus de Milo.

"This tasteless cover is a good indication

of the lack of musical invention within.

The musical growth rate of this band
cannot even be charted.

They are treading water in a sea
of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."

That's nit-picking, isn't it?

The Gospel
According to Spinal Tap.

"This pretentious, ponderous collection
of religious rock psalms

is enough to prompt the question:

'What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap,

and couldn't he have rested
on that day too?'"

Never heard that one.

That's a good one.

The review you had
on Shark Sandwich,

which was merely a two-word review,

just said, "Shit sandwich."

Where'd they print that?

Where did that appear?

- That's not real, is it?
- You can't print that.

All those arguments
about touring or not touring

and all that, it's obvious
we belong on tour, you know…

Agree. All that stuff
about you being too old

- and you being too white.
- Yeah.

But what about the album, Ian?

- Well, that's the real problem.
- Yeah.

There's no way to promote something
that doesn't exist.

It's a very unimportant reason,
it's just they're experimenting

with some new, uh, packaging materials.

- Let me get the door.
- What kind of experimenting?

Monkeys opening it or what?

The other thing is that the Boston gig
has been canceled.

- What?
- I wouldn't worry about it.

It's not a big college town.

I heard you boys got an album coming out.

Yeah, it's called Smell the Glove.
It should be out now.

- Smell the Glove?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a provocative title.

Wait till you see the cover.

- Very provocative indeed.
- Bobbi.

Can I tear you away from all of this?

No. Do you have a drink?

- Everything okay?
- No, I don't really need one.

Listen, I really do have to talk
to you a bit

- about this, uh—
- Ian, just tell me

whatever is on your mind.

- The issue of the cover.
- Yeah.

Um, we…

I mean, we feel,
and it seems to be facts that, uh,

the company is rather down on the cover.
Is that the case?

- Yes.
- You can give it to me straight.

Listen, um, they don't like the cover.

Well, that's certainly straight.

They find it very offensive
and very sexist.

But what exactly do you find offensive?

Ian, you put a greased naked woman

on all fours with a dog collar
around her neck, and a leash.

- And a leash…
- And a man's arm

extended out up to here,
holding on to the leash

and pushing a black glove
in her face to sniff it.

You don't find that offensive?

- You don't find that sexist?
- No, I don't. This is 1982.

That's right, it's 1982.
Get out of the '60s.

We don't have this mentality anymore.

You should have seen
the cover they wanted to do.

- I don't care.
- It wasn't a glove.

This is something you have
to talk to your boys about.

- We're not laying down—
- And I don't think a sexy cover

is the answer for why an album sells
or doesn't sell

because you tell me,
the White Album, what was that?

There was nothing on that goddamn cover.

Excuse me, the phone's ringing.

- Ian, we'll talk about that.
- Okay, bye-bye.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Denis.

Uh-oh. Okay.

Why don't you tell him?

Okay, hold on one minute.

Ian? It's Eton-Hogg.
He wants to talk to you.

- Okay. Thank you, darling.
- You're welcome, dear.

Hello, Sir Denis.

Hi, how are you?

Oh.

Fucking old poofter!

But— But it's really
not that offensive, Sir Denis. Come on.

Okay, I'll call you absolutely
first thing in the morning.

Ah, shit.

They are not gonna release the album

because they have decided
that the cover is sexist.

Well, so what?
What's wrong with being sexy?

- I mean, there's no—
- "Sexist."

Okay, listen, I wanted to tell you this,

and I was holding back
because I didn't know

what Denis's decision was going to be.

At this point, both Sears
and K-Mart stores have refused

to handle the album.

They're boycotting the album only
because of the cover.

If the company is behind the album,
it can shove it down their throats.

Money talks and bullshit walks.

If the first album was a hit,
then we could have pressed on them,

then we could have told them, yes…

- Every cut on this album is a hit.
- I don't give a shit.

It's a matter of compromise.
We made a joke a long time ago.

- They're making it a big deal.
- That's it.

If we we're serious and we said:

"Yes, she should be forced
to smell the glove,"

then you'd have a point,
but it's all a joke, isn't it?

It is and it isn't.
She should be made to smell it.

But not, you know,
over and over again.

Listen, we can probably
work something out.

I'll talk to Denis and maybe
we can come up with a compromise.

A new design concept
that we can all live with.

- You guys were schoolmates?
- We…

We don't— We—
We're not university material.

- What's that on your finger?
- That's my gum.

What are you doing with it on your finger?

I might need it later.

- Put it on the table. That's terrible.
- No.

I might forget it on the table.

- You can't take him anywhere.
- How old were you guys when you met?

Eight years old. Eight or nine.

You were eight and I was seven.

That's right, yeah.

Do you remember the first song
that you guys ever wrote together?

"All the Way Home," probably.

- "All the Way Home"?
- Yeah.

Can you remember
a little bit of it? I'd love to hear it.

Christ.

Some black coffee, maybe we could.

How's it go?

♪ I'm standing here
Beside the railroad track ♪

♪ And I'm waiting for
That train to bring you back ♪

♪ Bring you back ♪

If— If—

♪ If she's not on the 5:19 ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna know
What sorrow means ♪

♪ And I'm gonna
Cry, cry, cry, cry ♪

♪ All the way home
Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

- ♪ All the way home ♪
- ♪ All the way home ♪

- ♪ All the way home ♪
- ♪ All the way home ♪

I'm…

I'm going to cry, cry, cry
all the way home.

- Yeah.
- Fairly simple.

Six words in the whole song.
Just repeat them over and over.

Let's talk about your music today. Um…

One thing that puzzles me, um…

is the makeup
of your audience seems to be,

uh, predominately young boys.

Well, it's a sexual thing,
really, isn't it?

Aside from the identifying
the boys do with us,

there's also a reaction to the female—

Of the female to our music.

- Really, they're quite fearful.
- Yeah.

It was my theory.

They see us on-stage with tight trousers.

We've got, you know,
armadillos in our trousers.

- It's really quite frightening, the size.
- Yeah.

And they run screaming.

Ian, can I have a word
with you for a minute?

- Yes, of course.
- Listen, um…

A couple of problems with the…

- What?
- … arrangements backstage.

- What exactly?
- Well, uh…

Well, no, there's some problems here.

I don't even know
where to start, all right?

- Soundcheck? What's wrong?
- No, this…

Look, look, there's
a little problem with the, uh…

Look, this miniature bread. It's like…

I've been working with this now
for about half an hour.

I can't figure it out.

Let's say I want a bite, right?
You've got this—

- You'd like bigger bread?
- Exactly. I don't understand—

You could fold this, though.

Well, no, then it's half the size.

Not the bread. You could fold the meat.

Yeah, but then it breaks apart.

No, put it
on the bread like this, see?

But if you keep folding it,
it keeps breaking.

- Why do you keep folding it?
- And then everything has to be folded.

And then it's this, and I don't want this.

I want large bread,
so that I can put this…

- Right.
- So then it's like this.

This doesn't work because then it's all…

- 'Cause it hangs out like that?
- Look!

- Yeah.
- Would you be holding this?

No, I wouldn't want
to put that in my mouth.

- All right, exhibit "A."
- You're right.

Now we move on to this.
Look, look, who's in here?

No one. And then in here
there's a little guy, look.

So it's a complete catastrophe.

- You're right, Nigel. Calm down.
- I mean, I don't…

- Not a big deal. It's a joke.
- I'm sorry, you know.

It's just some crappy university,
you know.

Yeah, right, it's a joke.

I don't want it
to affect your performance.

It's not going to.

- Don't worry about it.
- Okay.

- I hate it. It does disturb me.
- It won't happen again.

- Disgusting.
- I'll rise above it. I'm a professional.

♪ It's better in a hell hole ♪

♪ You know where you stand
In a hell hole ♪

♪ Folks lend a hand
In a hell hole ♪

♪ Girl, get me back
To my hell hole ♪

Do "Stonehenge"!

Do you play all—? I mean,
do you actually play all these, or…?

Well, I play them and I cherish them.

This is the top of the heap right here.

There's no question about it.
Look at the flame on that one.

I mean, it's just—
It's quite unbelievable.

This one is just, uh… Is perfect, 1959.

You know, just— You can— Listen.

- How much is it?
- Just listen for a minute.

- The sustain. Listen to it.
- I'm not hearing anything.

You would, though, if it were playing

because it really—
It's famous for its sustain.

- I mean, you can just hold it.
- I mean, so you don't—

You could go
and have a bite…

you'd still be hearing that one.

- Could you hold this a sec?
- Sure.

This one…

This is a custom three-pickup Paul.

This is my radio unit.

- Oh, I see.
- So I strap this piece on,

you know, right down in here
when I'm on-stage—

- It's a wireless.
- Wireless, exactly.

And I can play without all the mucky-muck.

- You can run anywhere on-stage with that.
- Exactly.

This is special too, it's a—

Look, see, still got the old tagger on it.

Never even played it.

- You just bought it and—
- Don't touch it.

- I wasn't gonna touch it.
- No.

- I was just pointing at it.
- Don't point, even.

- Don't even point?
- No.

It can't be played, never. I mean, I—

- Can I look at it?
- No.

You've seen enough of that one.

This is a top to what we use on-stage,

but it's very, very special
because if you can see…

- Yeah.
- The numbers all go to 11.

Look, right across the board.

- Ah, I see.
- Eleven, 11 …

And most of these amps
go up to ten.

- Exactly.
- Does that mean it's louder?

Well, it's one louder, isn't it?

It's not ten.

You see,
most blokes will be playing at ten.

You're on ten here, all the way up.

- Yeah.
- You're on ten on your guitar.

Where can you go from there? Where?

- I don't know.
- Nowhere. Exactly.

What we do is, if we need
that extra push over the cliff,

- you know what we do?
- Put it up to 11.

Eleven. Exactly. One louder.

Why don't you just make ten louder

and make ten be the top number
and make that a little louder?

These go to 11.

Are you Spinal Tap?

- Spinal Tap.
- Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap.

Welcome to Memphis. We have
a slight problem with your reservation.

- Nothing serious, I'm afraid.
- How slight?

- You wanted seven suites.
- Seven suites.

Yes, he mistakenly put you
on the seventh floor with one suite—

That's considerably more than minor.

It's a good-sized room, sir.

It's a "King Leisure." We can get you a—

How are we going to get 14 people
in a King Leisure bed?

- Don't tempt me, sir.
- Have a good time.

I'll take care of it.

Welcome, gentlemen.
Very attractive, they are, too.

- Listen to me!
- Yes, sir.

We want these suites now.
These people are tired…

Yes, sir. We can help you.

- Reba, give me a hand, please.
- What's the problem, sir?

I'll tell you.

This twisted, old fruit here tells me
you've not got my reservations.

I'm just as God made me, sir.

What's the difference
between golf and miniature golf?

I think the balls.

Uh-oh, look out, here they come…

Duke! Duke!

- Can I have your autograph?
- It's Duke.

- Get your hands back.
- It's okay, we know him.

- It's Spinal Tap.
- Sure.

- David St. Hubbins.
- How you doing?

Derek Smalls, Spinal Tap.

- We gotta get going here.
- Where you playing in town?

- You playing here?
- We're doin' the, uh,

Enormo Dome, whatever it is.
It's terrific, a good house.

- Big place outside of town.
- We sold it out.

That's a big place. You sold it out.

- We really should run.
- Good heavens!

How are you, laddie?
Great to see you, Ter!

- Terrific to see you.
- Um, Liam!

- Ian. Ian.
- Ian. Yeah.

We'd love to stand around and chat,
but we've gotta sit and wait for the limo.

- Okay.
- Okay. Great.

We'll catch up with you
on the road.

Cheers.

Great to see you. See you.

- See you, Duke.
- Good days.

- Fucking wanker.
- What a wanker.

- What a wanker.
- Total no-talent sod.

- He's got this much talent.
- We carried him.

- We had to apologize for him with our set.
- That's right.

People were still booing him
when we were on.

- It's all hype.
- It's all bought.

- We got our rooms.
- Let me ask you something.

Have you seen
Duke Fame's current album?

- Um… Yes, yes.
- Have you seen the cover?

Um… no, no, I don't think I have.

It's a rather lurid cover.

It's like naked women, and, uh…

He's tied down to this table,

and he's got these whips,
and they're all semi-nude.

- Knocking on him. It's much worse—
- What's the point?

The point is, it's much worse
than Smell the Glove.

- He releases that and he's number three.
- Because he's the victim.

Their objections were
that she was the victim. You see.

That's all right. If the singer's
the victim, it's different.

- It's not sexist.
- He did a twist on it.

We should have thought of that.
If we had all you guys tied up,

that probably would have been fine.

But it's still a stupid cover.

It's such a fine line
between stupid and clever.

Just that little turnabout…

I have a small piece of bad news.

Although it may not be that bad.
We're canceled here.

- At the hotel?
- No, we're canceled—

The gig is canceled.

Fuck.

Uh, it says, "Memphis show canceled
due to lack of advertising funds."

The last time Tap toured America,
they were,

uh, booked into 10,000-seat arenas,

and 15,000-seat venues,

and it seems that now,
on the current tour,

they're being booked
into 1200-seat arenas,

1500-seat arenas,
and I was just wondering,

does this mean the popularity
of the group is waning?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Not at all.

I just think that the, uh,

their appeal is becoming more selective.

Ah.

I notice this,
you got this cricket bat.

- Yes.
- Do you play?

No, I carry this partly out of, uh,

I don't know, sort of, uh…

Uh, I suppose— What's the word, uh—?

- Affectation?
- Yes.

I mean, it's a kind
of totemistic thing, you know.

But to be quite frank with you,

it's come in useful
in a couple of situations.

Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world
of heavy rock,

having a good, solid piece
of wood in your hand

is quite often…

- useful.
- Uh-huh.

Oh, I miss you too, darling.

Um, not too well, actually.

Well, we've got some cancellations,
that's all.

We got to Memphis,
and there's no gig in Memphis,

and we find out
this promoter in the Midwest,

uh, has pulled out St. Louis
and Kansas City,

and, um… oh, Des Moines.

I don't know,
it's in Indiana or something.

I thought…

Oh, don't tease me.

That's not until April, great!

We'll do it. Oh, fucking great, we'll…

Milwaukee.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I have no idea.

You might have to take a plane to New York
and then go to Milwaukee from there.

Oh, good, I love you too. Okay, bye.

Well, my problems are solved, mate.

- Who's that?
- Jeanine.

She's gonna come meet us.

She was supposed to do this, uh,
window layout for Neil Kite's Boutique.

- But it's not till April—
- She's coming to drop some stuff off?

No, she's coming on the road.

She's gonna travel with us,
gonna go on the road with us.

- Turn it up!
- She says she can hear

that I'm eating too much sugar
on the phone.

She says my larynx is fat.

You, uh, might want to come next door.

The radio's playing a bit of your past.

You happy for me?

I don't believe it!

Listen to this.

That's you?

♪ But I'm glad I'd a friend
Sharing cups and cakes ♪

♪ With me
And cakes with me ♪

- Sounds good.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah, going all the way back

to 1965 that one.

Don't it feel good,

with The Thamesmen
and "Cups and Cakes"?

- You're an oldie.
- The Thamesmen later changed

their names to Spinal Tap.

They had a couple of hits.

They're currently residing
in the "Where are they now?" file.

Johnny Q with you on Golden 106
and right after we—

Fuck you!

I'm not really sure
this was such a great idea,

I mean, I don't feel any better
than I did at the hotel.

He was going to do a TV special
from here before he died.

Yeah, that's right, the musical version
of "Somebody Up There Likes Me."

♪ Well, since my baby left me ♪

♪ I found a new place to dwell ♪

♪ Well, it's down at the end
Of Lonely Street ♪

- ♪ At Heartbreak Hotel ♪
- ♪ At Heartbreak Hotel ♪

- Do it with the harmony parts.
- All right.

♪ Well, since my baby left ♪

The same key, though, I think.

♪ Well, since my baby left me ♪

If I'm going…

- ♪ Since my baby left me ♪
- ♪ Left me ♪

- ♪ Me ♪
- No, you can't hit that note.

♪ Since my— Hmm ♪

♪ Since my baby left me ♪

♪ Well, I found
A new place to dwell ♪

- That's all right.
- Not really.

Well, it sounds raga.
You don't want to go raga.

No, not with this you don't.

- ♪ Since my baby left me ♪
- It sounds fucking barbershop.

- Barbershop raga.
- Hey, watch the language.

You're paying homage to the King.

Oh, sorry.

Whew!
This is thoroughly depressing.

It really puts a perspective
on things, doesn't it?

Too much. There's
too much fucking perspective now.

In 1967, uh, you—

That was the first time
Spinal Tap came into existence.

The whole world was changing
in those days.

And, also, we had the world's ear
because we've just released

an enormous-selling single:

- "Listen to the Flower People."
- "Flower People."

We toured the world, we toured the States.

- Toured the world and elsewhere.
- It was a dream come true.

♪ Listen, shh ♪

♪ To what the flower people say ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Listen
It's getting louder every day ♪

♪ Listen, shh, it's like
A bolt out of the blue ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Listen, it could be
Calling now for you ♪

During the "Flower People" period,
who was your drummer?

Stumpy's replacement, Peter James Bond.

He also died in mysterious circumstances.

- We were playing a—
- Festival.

- Jazz-blues festival, where was that?
- Blues-jazz, really.

- Blues-jazz festival.
- It was in the Isle…

- Isle of Lucy!
- Isle of Lucy.

- Jazz-blues festival.
- It was tragic, really.

He exploded on-stage.

- Just like that.
- He just went up.

He just was like a flash of green light.

And that was it. Nothing was left.

- Look at his face.
- There was…

This really did happen.

There was a little green globule
on his drum seat.

Like a stain, really.

More of a stain
than a globule, actually.

You know, several—
You know, dozens of people

spontaneously combust each year.

- It's just not really widely reported yet.
- Right.

- Testing!
- Hello, hello, hello, hello.

Test, test, test, test.
This is mike number one.

This is mike number one.
Isn't this a lot of fun?

- Two, two.
- Okay, got the mikes.

Let's do "G.S.M," all right? "G.S.M."

♪ Stop wasting my time ♪

♪ You know what I want ♪

Level up.

♪ You know what I n-n-n-need ♪

♪ Or maybe you don't ♪

♪ Do I have to come
Right smack-damn out ♪

♪ And tell you everything? ♪

♪ Gimme some money ♪

♪ Gimme some money ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Hello, darling.

Hello, got a surprise for you.

Hey! Where'd you come from?

Where do you think I came from?

Bloody airplane, didn't I? Right?

David, David, David.

David.

Oh, it feels good.

Oh, I've been wanting to do that
for the longest time.

I'm gonna carry you about with me.

- All right?
- What? They're filming?

That's the film crew I told you about.

It's the film crew. Martin.

- Hi, Martin.
- This is Jeanine.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Here it is!
- Visitors' Day, isn't it?

- Here it is, lads.
- You better turn…

Smell the Glove, me old beauties.

- Oh, really?
- Gather round. Where's David?

David, David, get up here.

David, Smell the Glove is here.

- Hello, Jeanine.
- The moment we've been waiting for.

I thought I'd never…

- I never thought I'd live to see the day.
- Here we go.

Plenty for everybody.

- What do you think?
- Is this the test pressing?

No, this is it. Yes, that's right.

This is Smell the Glove by Spinal Tap?

That's Smell the Glove.
That's the jacket cover

that's going out across the country…

This is the compromise you made?

Is it going to say anything here?

- It's not gonna say anything.
- It's just gonna be all black?

Simple, beautiful, classic.

It does look like black leather.

You can see yourself in both sides.

I wouldn't feel so bad…

It's like a black mirror.

I think it looks like death.

It looks like mourning.

Every movie in every cinema
is about death.

Death sells.

I think he's right.
There is something about this

that's so black, it's like,
"How much more black could this be?"

And the answer is,
"None, none more black."

I think you're rationalizing
this whole thing

into something that you did on purpose.

I think we're stuck
with a very, very stupid

and a very dismal-looking album.

This is depressing. This is something
you wear around your arm.

- You don't put this on your turntable.
- David, it's a choice.

I think this is the turning point, okay?
I think this is— We're on our way now.

- I agree, I agree.
- It's time to kick ass!

♪ When there was darkness
And the void was king ♪

♪ And ruled the elements ♪

♪ When there was silence ♪

♪ And the hush
Was almost deafening! ♪

♪ Out of the emptiness ♪

- ♪ Salvation ♪
- ♪ Salvation ♪

♪ Rhythm and light and sound ♪

♪ 'Twas the rock 'n' roll creation ♪

♪ 'Twas a terrible big bang ♪

♪ 'Twas the ultimate mutation ♪

♪ Yin was searching for his yang ♪

♪ And he looked
And he saw that it was good! ♪

♪ I look to the stars
And the answer is clear ♪

♪ I look in the mirror
And see what I fear ♪

♪ 'Tis the rock 'n' roll creation ♪

♪ 'Tis the absolute rebirth ♪

♪ 'Tis the rolling of the ocean
And the rocking of the earth ♪

♪ And I looked and I saw
That it was good ♪

Given the history
of Spinal Tap drummers, uh,

in the past, do you have any fears,
uh, for your life?

When I did join,
you know, they did tell me,

they kind of took me aside
and said "Well, Mick, ah,

you know, it's like this."

And it did kind of freak me out a bit.

But it can't

always happen…

- Right. Right.
- … to every— Can it?

The law of averages says
you will survive.

Yeah.

Oh, quite exciting.

Quite exciting, this computer magic.

Whee!

How many planets
have you destroyed?

Well, fourth or fifth time around,
I think.

We're doing really fine.
A few galaxies gone, you know.

This is Cindy's first mustache.

Is it?

- Can I take it off now?
- Why? Too hot in here?

No, it's, um…

I thought I might go back to see
what they're up to back there.

I don't think they need to see this
until you're finished with it, you know.

You were reading. You can read here.

- Here you go.
- Yeah, but…

They've got a game back there,

I thought I'd maybe have
a look at the new game.

It's like a submarine thing.

You've got all stuff over you again.

Before I met Jeanine,
my life was cosmically a shambles.

It was, uh…
I was using bits and pieces

of whatever Eastern philosophies
happened to drift through my transom.

And, uh, she sort of sorted it out for me,

straightened it out for me,
gave me a path.

A path to follow.

I wonder
if you have as much influence

- over his musical expression?
- Oh, yeah.

I mean, I listen to him
when he's experimenting

and things like that, don't I?

He's, uh— He plays things to me
sometimes when he's worked up.

He's got a new bit
that he wants to tell me about.

You know, and I say "that's good,"
or "that's bad,"

or "that's shit," or whatever, you know.

Yes, she's very honest.
She's brutally frank.

How does that go over
with the other band members?

Well, what happens is,
she gives me the brutally frank version,

and I sort of tart it up for them.

- Yeah.
- And, of course,

it's so strange because Nigel
and Jeanine are so similar

in so many ways, but they just can't…

They don't dislike each other at all.

There's great love
between the two of them.

But there's some sort of communication
that's just not—

It's just blocked or something.

- It's pretty.
- Yeah, I like it.

Just been fooling about with it
for a few months now.

Very delicate.

It's a bit of a departure

from the kind of thing you normally play.

Yeah, well,
it's part of a trilogy, really.

A musical trilogy that I'm doing…

in D minor,

which I always find is really
the saddest of all keys, really.

I don't know why, but it makes
people weep instantly, you play:

- It's a horn part.
- Mm.

It's very pretty.

Yeah, just simple lines intertwining,

you know, very much like,
I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach,

and it's sort of in between those.

It's like a "Mach" piece, really.

What do you call this?

Well, this piece is called
"Lick My Love Pump."

Excuse me, sir,

do you have metal objects in your pockets?

- Yeah.
- Take them out and put them in the bucket.

Coins, keys.

Tuning fork.

Musician, I like to stay in tune,
you know. There you go.

Be a moment.

Oh, okay.

One more.

Can you take this jacket off, please?

Oh, it's the zipper setting off
the machine.

Let's go, then.
Let's go, hurry up.

What?

Step over here, please.

- Troublemaker.
- Raise your arms.

Do you have any artificial plates
or limbs?

Not really, no.

Um, would you, um…

Yeah. Do it.

Whoa, hey!

♪ I don't need a woman ♪

♪ I won't take me no wife ♪

♪ I got their rock 'n' roll
And that'll be my life ♪

♪ No page in history, baby
That I don't need ♪

♪ I just want to make
Some eardrums bleed ♪

- ♪ Heavy ♪
- ♪ Heavy ♪

- ♪ Duty ♪
- ♪ Duty ♪

♪ Heavy-duty rock 'n' roll ♪

- ♪ Heavy ♪
- ♪ Heavy ♪

- ♪ Duty ♪
- ♪ Duty ♪

♪ Brings out the duty
In my soul! ♪

Hi, Artie Fufkin.

Polymer Records, how are you?

- Hey, how are you? You are?
- Derek.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
How are you?

- I'm your promo man in Chicago.
- Hello, Artie.

- I love you guys.
- Yeah.

- And, of course, Nigel.
- Nigel.

I love you, Nigel Tufnel.

- Right.
- I love your stuff.

I go back with you guys. Boy, do I.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
I love you. And who are you?

Oh, this is my special new friend, Cindy.

- Hello, Cindy.
- And this is Belinda.

- Hello, Belinda.
- Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

Promo. And I—
Oh, what's going on here? Hi.

Hi, guys. Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

Nice to see you. And where is David?

Oh, David. Hi, Artie Fufkin, how are you?

We've got something
exciting happening tomorrow.

- The food!
- Yay!

- The food!
- Oh, thank God! Civilization!

Where do I put this?

- What are you doing to me here?
- Nothing.

I thought we had a relationship.
I don't know what happened.

Business is terrible, Artie.
What can I tell you?

I know, but what happens
with the record store,

with the promotion,
and no one shows up?

This isn't a personal thing.
Nobody's coming.

Forget personal.
We had a relationship.

What about a relationship?

I feel like a schlub.

And I don't know what's happening.

It's me. That's what is happening.

It's me. I did it.

It's my fault. I know.

We were told massive radio support.

- We did. We did massive.
- Vast radio support.

- We saturated. We oversaturated.
- Vast radio support.

It's me. I did it. I fucked up.
I fucked up the timing.

I fucked up the timing,
I've got no timing, no timing.

Will you do something for me?

- What?
- Do me a favor.

Just kick my ass, okay?

Kick this ass for a man.
That's all. Kick my ass.

- No.
- Enjoy.

I'm not asking.
I'm telling with this. Kick my ass.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

We've kept 'em waiting
long enough. Let's do it to 'em.

Come on, Mick!

Let's go, Mr. Shrimpton!

Rock 'n' roll!

Let's hear some rock 'n' roll!

- Rock 'n' roll!
- Let's go then!

Yeah.

Yeah, mate.

Gonna be a hot one, isn't it?

- Gonna be a great show.
- No, it's not an exit.

- We don't want an exit.
- Try this way.

I hope so.

- Yeah, this way.
- Yeah. Let's go.

Um… Wait.

- This looks familiar, though.
- Listen.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

Shit!

Let's not lose it, though!
Let's not lose it!

Where the fuck is Ian? He should be here.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

We got to get to it some way.

We've been on-stage, right?

We're in the group
that's playing tonight.

You go right straight
through this door here,

- down the hall, turn right.
- Yeah. Yeah.

And then there's a little jog there,
about 30 feet.

- Jog to the left.
- We don't have time for that.

- Go straight ahead.
- We trust you.

Turn right,
the next two corners,

and the first door, the sign
"Authorized Personnel Only,"

open that door.

- That's the stage.
- You think so?

You're authorized.
You're musicians, aren't you?

All right, thank you. Thank you very much.

Rock 'n' roll!

Rock 'n' roll!

- Let's get it!
- Hey!

This way?

- No, this way.
- I see, this way.

Straight through. Rock 'n' roll!

Hello, Cleveland! Hello, Cleveland!

- Let's go!
- Fuck!

You must've made a wrong turn.

- We gotta go another way.
- Other way.

Other way. Other way.

I hate to keep harping on this,

but the notion of a black album
has really cursed us, in a way.

We're getting
substantial reports of airplay.

I don't think we have to worry about that.

It might have been better
if the, uh, album had been mixed right.

I suppose you could cry about that.
Of course, it's true.

- I mean, it's true.
- It wasn't…

It was mixed all wrong, wasn't it?

It was mixed wrong? Were you there?

But she's heard the record.

So your judgment is, it was mixed wrong.

You couldn't hear the lyrics.

You don't agree
you can't hear the vocals?

No, I do not agree.

- I think maybe—
- It's interesting

she's bringing it up.

- She'd like to hear the vocals.
- It's like me saying, you know,

you're using the wrong conditioner
for your hair.

- Don't be stupid.
- It looks sort of frizzy.

You don't do heavy metal
in dobly, you know.

- I mean, it's—
- In what? In what?

- What?
- "Dobly."

- In dobly, I mean, you can't—
- In dobly? What's that?

She means Dolby.
You know perfectly well.

We shan't recover from this one.

Oh, come on.

Can I have the floor for just one moment

because I've got something
I'd like to show you.

These, uh— Jeanine's been working
on these very hard.

These are a new direction—

Got a new idea
for a new presentation.

A stage look of the band fashioned
after the signs of the zodiac.

- We needed a new presence.
- This is a look for Viv. He's a Libra.

There's sort of the yin-yang…

- Yin and the yang.
- … sort of look.

This is Nigel. He's a Capricorn.

- Sort of a goat look.
- I've given you a little bib.

- Is this a joke?
- This is…

Excuse me, is this a joke?

Just bear with us for one moment.

This. I love this.
I wish I were Cancer the Crab.

- Oh, that's attractive.
- This is your crab face.

Give it a chance. Give it a chance.

- And this is…
- David's a lion.

Wait, please, wait a minute.

Have you any idea what it will cost…

to dress up the band as animals?

- It don't cost nothing.
- They're not animals.

They're signs of the zodiac.

It's a way to fight the drabs.
You know, we've got the drabs.

Well, that's true. I think mine
would look better in "dobly."

If it was done in dobly.

- Oh, shut up.
- I knew it wouldn't be easy.

- I'm quite open-minded.
- David. No, no, David.

There are solutions to our problems.
We know what they are.

- I've yet to hear them.
- Well, it'll be a week—

We can take a rational approach,
and we can say—

- May I make a suggestion?
- Well, let's hear yours.

- Let's hear your suggestion.
- Stonehenge. Stonehenge.

It's the best production value
we've ever had on-stage.

We haven't got the equipment.
We haven't got Stonehenge.

Not yet, we don't. Let's start—
Please, just a moment.

- Musically, we all know it.
- We know it works.

I don't think it's a bad idea.

No problems musically.

We go right on-stage.
And it's quite simple.

This is, you know,
Ian can take care of this, it's…

I know what
the Stonehenge monument looks like.

We don't have
that piece of scenery anymore.

So we build a new one.

- And this is it, look.
- Consider— Consider it done.

So you're gonna
just take care of it like that?

You'll find someone to design it
using that as a plan?

If you can do it, I'll do the number.

Do you feel that,
in collaboration with David,

that you are afforded the opportunity

to express yourself musically
the way you would like to?

Well, I think I do, you know, in my solos.

- Yeah.
- My solos are my trademark.

This looks absolutely perfect.
It's the right proportion.

It'll be this color, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- That's just terrific.

It almost looks like the real thing.

- Got it.
- Yeah.

When we get the actual, uh, set,
it'll follow exactly these specifications.

Even these contours and everything.

Um, I'm not understanding.

Uh, what do you mean, "the actual piece"?

Well, I mean,
when you build the actual piece.

But this is what you asked for, isn't it?

What?

Well, this is the piece.

- This is the piece?
- Yes.

Are you telling me that this is it?

This is scenery?

Have you ever been to Stonehenge?

- No, I haven't been to Stonehenge.
- The triptychs are 20 feet high.

- You can stand four men up them.
- Ian, I was…

This is insane!
This isn't a piece of scenery.

Look, look, this is what
I was asked to build.

Eighteen inches. Right here,
it specifies 18 inches.

I was given this napkin. I mean…

Forget this! Fuck the napkin!

In ancient times,

hundreds of years
before the dawn of history,

lived an ancient race of people…

the Druids.

No one knows who they were…

or what they were doing.

But their legacy remains,

hewn into the living rock

of Stonehenge.

♪ Stonehenge
Where the demons dwell ♪

♪ Where the banshees live
And they do live well ♪

♪ Stonehenge ♪

♪ Where a man is a man ♪

♪ And the children dance
To the Pipes of Pan ♪

♪ And you, my love
Won't you take my hand? ♪

♪ We'll go back in time ♪

♪ To that mystic land ♪

♪ Where the dewdrops cry ♪

♪ And the cats meow ♪

♪ I will take you there ♪

♪ I will show you how ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

And, oh, how they danced,

the little children of Stonehenge,

beneath the haunted moon,

for fear that daybreak
might come too soon.

I do not, for one, think the problem was
that the band was down.

I think that the problem may have been

that there was a Stonehenge monument
on the stage

that was in danger
of being crushed by a dwarf.

All right? That tended to understate
the hugeness of the object.

I really think you're making
much too big thing out of it.

Making a big thing out of
it would've been good.

Nigel gave me a drawing
that said 18 inches.

I know he did—

Whether he knows the difference
between feet and inches

is not my problem.

I do what I'm told.

But you're not as confused as him,
are you?

I mean, it's not your job
to be as confused as Nigel.

It's my job to do what I'm asked
by the creative element of this band.

- And that's what I did.
- The audience were laughing.

- So it became a comedy number…
- Yes, it fucking well did!

And it was not pleasant to be part
of the comedy on-stage.

Backstage, perhaps, it was very amusing.

Maybe we just fix
the choreography.

Keep the dwarf clear.

- What do you mean?
- So he won't trod upon it.

I don't think that's the issue.

I think it's symptomatic that maybe
you're taking on more than you can, uh,

uh, handle.

It's not exactly the first time
you've messed things up, is it?

I mean, there's been
some, uh, gaping holes

in the business end of this—

Excuse me.
This is a band meeting, right?

- Are you here for some reason?
- Don't worry about it.

She's with me.

No, but is she now in the band?
Is she singing backup?

I care what happens to the band.

David, whenever a single bump or
a ruffle comes into this little fantasy,

adolescent fantasy world
you guys have built around yourselves,

you start screaming like
a bunch of poncy hairdressers.

I mean, it's just a problem, you know.

- It gets solved.
- It doesn't.

You can't live in a bubble.

If it got solved,
that would be all right.

But it doesn't get solved.
What do you think happened out there?

- What got solved tonight?
- For one thing that goes wrong,

one thing that goes wrong,
a hundred things go right.

Do you know what I spend my time doing?

I sleep two or three hours a night.

There's no sex and drugs for Ian, David.

You know what I do? I find lost luggage.

- Yes.
- I locate mandolin strings

in the middle of Austin!

I prize the rent out of the local Hebrews.

Maybe get someone else
to find the lost luggage,

and you should concentrate
on what's going on on-stage.

- That's what we're talking about.
- Like the road manager?

No! All bad, but—

What Dave is trying to say,

if you'd let him get a word through, is…

you could maybe do with some help.

- Some help?
- Managing the band.

- It's very simple.
- It's that clear.

Maybe there's someone already
in the organization.

We don't have to pay insurance,
pay extra room, et cetera.

Since she's already here, she's already
among us, and uh, she can—

- She is perfectly capable of taking over
- "She"? Wait a minute!

Who do you think
I'm talking about?

I would have never dreamed
in a million years it was her

you were talking about.

- Why not?
- I am offering to help out here.

No, you're offering
to co-manage the band with me.

- Yes!
- Let's get it straight.

That is exactly it.

I'm not gonna co-manage with some girl
because she's your girlfriend.

Don't call her my girlfriend!

You couldn't manage a classroom
full of kids, let alone a band.

- Why don't we just—
- Oh, shut up!

Look, I— I— This is—
This is my position, okay?

I am not managing it with you
or any other woman,

especially one that dresses
like an Australian's nightmare.

- So fuck you.
- Fuck you too!

And fuck all of you because I quit.

All right? That's it. Good night.

Can I raise
a practical question at this point?

Yeah.

We gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow?

No, we're not gonna
fucking do Stonehenge!

Okay, we're all set. Thank you.

All right, fellas, I got the tickets.

We're on the 3:10 flight,
Gate 24, all right?

And it arrives at 4:00 in Colorado.

Then we've got a limo
to take us to the lodge.

That's about a hundred yards
from Rainbow Trout Studio.

Uh, what I've done is, uh,
to arrange a whole load of charts.

Wait till you see this. This is so great.

And we know that the band's sign is Virgo.

And we see it's Saturn in the third house.

All right? And it's a bit rocky,
but because Virgo

is one of the most highly
intelligent signs of the zodiac,

we're gonna pull through this
with great aplomb.

- Yeah.
- It's so clear…

Nigel hasn't got one.

Nigel, Nigel, we've got pages
for you here.

He's got one, he's got it.

If you have a look—

Think about what jumble
a tour usually is.

- No. He's got one, he's got one.
- Oh, he's got one.

Now, what I want to explain
to you here is that Denver…

How would you characterize
your relationship

with David over the years?

Has it changed in any way?

Not really, I mean, you know,
they go— We've grown up.

But, really, it's not— No, not really.

We feel like children much of the time,
even when we're playing.

We're closer than brothers.

Brothers always fight.

Sort of disagreements, and all that.

We really have a relationship
that's way, way past that.

Ah!

- He can't play the guitar anymore.
- You know the part.

If he knew the fucking part,
he'd play it, wouldn't he?

- Are you walking out?
- Fuck!

- Are you walking out?
- Great.

Just tell me
what I'm supposed to do, all right?

We're supposed to play the fucking thing!

We have no choice,
we've spent an hour and a half—

I'm doing my part.

You know what would make this simpler?
I hate to cut right to it.

Why don't you play this alone,

without some fucking angel
hanging over your head,

you know what I mean?

Jesus Christ.
This is fucking all we need.

You can't fucking concentrate
because of your fucking wife.

Simple as that, all right?
It's your fucking wife!

- She's not my wife.
- Whatever the fuck she is.

You can't concentrate.
We can't fucking do the track.

- This is unbelievable!
- No, it's not unbelievable.

- It all leads up to this.
- Am I losing my fucking mind?

Can you check me on this?
Am I losing my mind?

I don't understand
what this has to do with anything!

We're very lucky in the sense

that we've got two visionaries
in the band.

- Right.
- David and Nigel are both like,

uh… Like poets, you know.

Like Shelley or Byron,
or people like that.

The two totally distinct types
of visionaries.

It's like fire and ice, basically,
you see.

And I feel my role in the band
is to be kind of in the middle.

Kind of like lukewarm water, in a sense.

I don't think we've got time
to go to the hotel.

We'd better go straight to the base.

- To the what?
- Base?

- The gig.
- To the Civic Arena? Right?

- No, it fell through.
- No.

What do you mean?

Wait a sec, hold it!

Do you know about this,
and we don't know about this?

We are going
to the Air Force base.

Why are we going
to an Air Force base?

'Cause the original gig fell through.

- Ah!
- Oh, Lieutenant Hookstratten.

You are Spinal Tarp?

I'm Jeanine Pettibone,
and this is Spinal Tap.

Spinal Tap, my mistake,
I'm Lieutenant Bob Hookstratten.

Welcome to the Lindbergh Air Force Base.

This is your gentlemen's first visit
to a military facility?

- Yeah.
- Fine, may I start by saying

how thrilled we are to have you.

We are such fans of your music
and all of your records.

I'm not speaking of yours personally,

but the whole genre
of the rock 'n' roll,

and so many exciting things
happening in music today.

And let me explain a bit
about what's going on.

This is our monthly "at-ease" weekend.

Gives us the chance to let down our hair,

although I see you all have
a head start.

These haircuts wouldn't pass
military muster, believe me.

Although I shouldn't talk.
My hair's getting shaggy too.

Better not get too close,
they'll think I'm with the band.

I'm joking, of course. Shall we go in?

Walk this way, please. Right through here.

Did you ever run into a musical group
works out of Kansas City,

calls themselves "Four Jacks and a Jill"?

They've been at a Ramada Inn
about 18 months.

If you're ever in Kansas City
and want to hear good music,

you might want to drop by.

I would like to get the playing
on about 1900 hours,

if that's satisfactory?

- When will that be?
- It's about 1830 hours.

- So that's what? Fifty hours?
- A hundred and twenty hours?

That's actually about 30 minutes.

About a half hour, give or take.

I don't want to rush you. The idea is,
we get it on and over with.

And I have just one request:

would you play a couple
of slow numbers, so I can dance?

♪ Working on a sex farm ♪

♪ Plowing through
Your bean field ♪

♪ Getting out my pitchfork ♪

♪ Poking your hay ♪

♪ Sex farm woman ♪

♪ I'm gonna mow you down
Sex farm woman ♪

♪ I'll rake and hoe you down ♪

♪ Sex farm woman ♪

♪ Don't you see my silo rising ♪

♪ High, high, high, high! ♪

♪ Working on a sex farm ♪

♪ Getting out my pitchfork ♪

♪ Poking your hay ♪

He totally ruined the gig there.

He walks off and, I mean,

he can't be expected
to sit home and get money,

so we've got to get
someone else in there.

Has he ever done this before?
Has he ever…

- Well, no.
- … quit the band before?

No, but you've got to understand that,

like, in the world of rock 'n' roll,

there are certain changes
that sometimes occur.

And you've just got to sort of roll
with them, you know.

I mean, you've read— You read that—

You saw exactly how many people
have been in this band.

Thirty-seven people have been
in this band over the years.

I mean, it's like, you know,
six months from now,

I can't see myself missing Nigel
more than I might miss, uh,

Ross McLochness, or Ronnie
Pudding, or Danny Upham,

or, uh, Little Danny Schindler,
or any of those.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe that, you know,
you're lumping Nigel in

with, uh, you know, these people

you've played with
for a short period of time.

Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse
if I weren't under such heavy sedation,

but still in all, I mean,
you've got to be realistic

about this sort of thing, you know.

So, what happens to the band now?

- What do you mean?
- He's not coming back?

No, we shan't work together again.

- Oh, no.
- Great.

If I told them once,
I told them a hundred times

to put "Spinal Tap" first
and "puppet show" last.

It's a morale builder, isn't it?

We've got a big dressing room, though.

- What?
- Got a big dressing room here.

We've got a bigger dressing room
than the puppets? Refreshing.

I've got some
of this Mendocino rocket fuel

that's supposed to be really—

Can you play, uh—
Viv, can you play a bass line,

uh, like Nigel used to on "Big Bottom"?

Can you double that?
You recall the lines in fifths?

Oh, yeah. I've got two hands. I can do it.

So that's good
if we can play that one.

- "Hole" is out, "Heavy" is out—
- "Heavy-Hole."

- Right. "America" is out.
- "America" we can't do.

That's Nigel's tune, not mine.

That's a nice little set.
That's a cozy ten minutes.

What are we gonna do?
We've got nothing to play.

I'll tell you what we have to do.

- What?
- "Jazz Odyssey."

We're not going about
to do a free-form jazz,

uh, exploration in front
of a festival crowd.

You are witnesses at the new birth

of Spinal Tap Mark II.

Hope you enjoy
our new direction.

On the bass, Derek Smalls.
He wrote this.

So tonight's
the last show of the tour.

How's that feel?
You know, is this your last waltz?

Are we talking the end of Spinal Tap,

or are you gonna try to milk it
for a few more years in Europe?

Well, I don't—
I don't really think that the end

can be assessed,

uh, as of itself as being the end

because what does the end feel like?

It's like saying when you try
to extrapolate the end of the universe.

You say
if the universe is indeed infinite,

then what does that mean?
How far is all the way?

And then if it stops, what's stopping it
and what's behind what's stopping it?

So what's the end, you know,
is my question to you.

Good crowd. Good crowd.

- It is, isn't it?
- Yeah, it really is.

I mean, some of these things
don't mean much.

It was hard to get at the last minute.

You can't arrange it all overnight.

David,
we had a 15-year ride, mate.

Who wants to be
a fucking 45-year-old rock 'n' roller

farting around in front of people
less than half their age,

cranking out some kind of
mediocre head-banging bullshit

that we've forgotten—?

- It's beneath us,
- That's right.

- Who wants to see that?
- Absolutely right.

We can take those projects
that we thought we didn't have time for.

There's dozens.

You know, we didn't have time
for them because of Tap,

and bring them back to life.

- Do you remember what we were—?
- At the Luton Palace.

We were talking about a rock musical

based on the life of Jack the Ripper.

- Yeah, Saucy Jack.
- Now's the time to do that.

♪ You're a naughty one ♪

♪ Saucy Jack ♪

♪ You're a haughty one
Saucy Jack ♪

Right. It's a freeing up, innit?
It's all this free time.

- Suddenly, time is so elastic.
- It's a gift of freedom.

I've always wanted to do a collection

of my acoustic numbers
with the London Philharmonic,

as you know.

- We're lucky.
- Yeah.

I mean, people should be
envying us, you know.

- I envy us.
- Yeah. Me too.

It's gonna be fine.

- We'll make them miss us.
- Last stop.

I'm in. I'm in tune.

- Last tuning.
- I think we should go, huh?

I think it's time to go.

- Are you good?
- Yeah.

We're gonna do a good show.
We'll do a dynamite show.

Come to see the show?

Yeah.

- Hi, Mick.
- Nige.

So did you just come here
to hang around backstage

like a real rock 'n' roller,
is that what you're doing?

I'm really a messenger.

- A messenger.
- Yeah.

- I bumped into Ian, and, uh…
- Ian?

Oh, the other dead man, yeah.

Seems that "Sex Farm" is
on the charts in Japan.

Spinal Tap's recording
of "Sex Farm."

It's number five,
last week, actually.

So, he, um…

He asked me…

to ask you,

Tap,

if you'd be interested
in reforming and, uh,

doing a tour in Japan.

So you've come back to replug
our life-support systems in?

Is that it? By the grace of your, uh…

By the stroke of your hand,
you're gonna—

Is that what you're gonna do?
Bring us back to life?

- Is that what you've come for?
- No, I've come—

The fucking…

- nerve that you display—
- No, that's not…

Just passing on the information, really.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to go in.
We haven't got time to discuss this now.

Are you all right?

David.

Do a good show, all right?

Yeah, okay.

♪ Little girl
It's a great big world ♪

♪ But there's only one of me ♪

♪ You can't touch
'Cause I cost too much ♪

♪ But tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight, I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight, I'm gonna rock you
Tonight ♪

♪ You're sweet
But you're just 4 feet ♪

♪ And you still got
Your baby teeth ♪

♪ You're too young
And I'm too well hung ♪

♪ But tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight, I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight! ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Nigel Tufnel, lead guitar!

♪ You're hot
You take all we got ♪

♪ Not a dry seat in the house ♪

♪ Next day
We'll be on our way ♪

♪ But tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Yeah, tonight
I'm gonna rock you ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Little girl
It's a great big world ♪

♪ But there's only one of me ♪

Do you feel
that playing rock 'n' roll music

keeps you a child?

That is, keeps you in a state
of arrested development?

No, no, no.

I feel, it's like, it's more like going…

Going to a national park or something,

and there's, you know,
they preserve the moose,

and that's my childhood up there on-stage
is that moose, you know, and—

So when you're playing,
you feel like a preserved moose on-stage?

Been listening to the classics.
I belong to a great series. Uh…

It's called the "Namesake Series"
of cassettes.

And they send you
the works of famous authors,

done by actors with the same last name.

So I've got Denholm Elliott
reading T.S. Eliot on this one.

- Well, that's interesting.
- Yes.

I've got Danny Thomas doing

A Child's Christmas in Wales
by Dylan Thomas.

And next month, it's McLean Stevenson
reads Robert Louis Stevenson.

Treasure Island, I believe.

That's interesting. That's fascinating.

There's also something—
Shorter works of Washington Irving,

read by someone called Dr. J.

Oh, that's Julius Irving.

- Oh, Julius Irving.
- The basketball player.

In keeping with the series, yeah.
Didn't know that.

You like this?

It's very nice.
It looks like Halloween.

This is my exact inner structure
done in a T-shirt.

Exactly medically accurate, see?

So, in other words, if we were
to take all your flesh and blood—

Take them off, this is what you'd see.

- It wouldn't be green, though.
- It is green.

You know, see how your blood looks blue?

Yeah, well, that's just
the color of the vein.

- The blood is actually red.
- Oh, maybe it's not green.

Anyway, this is what
I sleep in sometimes.

Denis Eton-Hogg,
the president of Polymer Records,

uh, was recently knighted.

What were the circumstances
surrounding his knighthood?

The specific reason why
he was knighted was, uh,

for the founding of Hoggwood,

which is, um, a summer camp
for pale young boys.

Ah.

David St. Hubbins,

I must admit I've never heard
anybody with that name.

It's an unusual name.
He was an unusual saint.

He's not a very well-known saint.

Oh, there actually is—?
There was a Saint Hubbins?

- That's right, yes.
- What was he the saint of?

He was the patron saint
of quality footwear.

You play to predominantly, uh—
Predominantly, a white audience.

You feel your music is racist in any way?

- No, no, of course not.
- No.

You know, we say,
we say, "love your brother."

- We don't say it really, but—
- We don't literally say it.

- No, we don't say it at all.
- But we're not racists.

No, we don't believe it either,

but that message
should be clear anyway.

We're anything but racists.

We've grown musically.

Listen to some of the rubbish
we did early on, it was stupid.

You know, now, I mean,
a song like "Sex Farm,"

we're taking a sophisticated view
of the idea of sex,

you know, and music—

- Putting it on a farm.
- Yeah.

If I were to ask you
what your philosophy of life

or your creed, what would that be?

"Have a good time all the time."

That's my philosophy, Marty.

I believe virtually everything I read.

And I think that is what makes me
more of a selective human

than someone
who doesn't believe anything.

Do you have a philosophy
or a creed that you live by?

Well, like, personally,
I like to think about sex

and drugs and rock 'n' roll,
you know, that's my life.

If you were to have
something written as your epitaph…

"Here lies David St. Hubbins…

and why not?"

You feel that sums up your life?

No, it's the first thing I could think of.

- It doesn't sum up anything, really.
- Yeah.

I'm a real fish nut. I really like fish.

What kind of fish?

Well, in the United States, you have cod.

I like cod. And I love tuna.

Those little cans you've got here.
Tuna fish.

- Yeah.
- No bones.

Yeah.

If you could not
play rock 'n' roll,

- what would you do?
- I'd be a full-time dreamer.

I'd probably get a bit stupid

and start to make
a fool of myself in public,

'cause there wouldn't be
a stage to go on.

Probably work with children.

As long as there is, you know,
sex and drugs,

I can do without the rock 'n' roll.

Well, I suppose I could, uh,
work in a shop of some kind

or do, uh, freelance selling
of some sort of, uh, product.

A salesmen, you think—

A salesman, like,
maybe in a haberdasher,

or maybe like a, um…

a chapeau shop, or something.

You know, like,
"What size do you wear, sir?"

- And then you answer me.
- Uh, 7 and a quarter.

"I think we have that."

- Something like that I could do.
- Yeah.

Do you think
you'd be happy doing that?

"No, we're all out. Do you wear black?"

See, that sort of thing
I think I could probably muster up.

Do you think you'd be happy doing that?

Well, I don't know. What are the hours?