All language subtitles for South Park (1997) S27E05 Conflict of Interest 1080p H264 AVCHD-SC-SDH

I'm going down south, I'm gonna have
myself time.

Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks
without temptation.

Going down south, I'm gonna leave my
woes to hide.

And we're parking day on night, people
spouting hot endeavors.

And on up south, I'm gonna see if I
can't unwind.

Come on down south out there and meet
some friends of mine.

Okay kids, let's take our seats.

Before we get started, we have a guest
speaker today.

Please give your undivided attention to
Kipling.

Thank you, sir. Hey, what's up, guys? My
name's Kipling. I'm with the Weeblos of

America. I want to talk to you guys
about the exciting opportunity to join

Weeblos. Is that a chick or a dude?

Shut up. I'm sure some of you were in
scouts before. Weeblos are an extension

scouts, specifically for fifth and sixth
graders.

You guys, is that a chick or a dude?

It's a chick. Nah, that's a dude, bro.

We'd like to be a part of it as well.

Now, I know what y 'all might be
thinking.

Weeblos used to be only for boys.

Well, now they also allow girls. And I
myself, as a Weeblo, can tell you it's a

great organization for everyone.

I don't know, guys. I'm like 60 % sure
that was a f***ing dude.

I'm definitely betting it's a chick.
What are the odds at?

Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 55
% saying the Weeblo is a dude. So I'd

only win like five bucks on a $2 bet.

What are you guys talking about?

Prediction market app, dude. You know,
online peer -to -peer betting.

Yeah, it's social platform betting.
People can make any bet they want and

other users take them up on it. Really?

Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. People
bet on anything, even stuff here at the

SKU. See?

Will the girls' soccer team win on
Friday? Will there be a snow day this

Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?

Will school lunch have tater tots next
week? Wait, what was that?

Will school lunch have tater tots next
week?

No, the one about my mom.

Oh, uh, will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and
destroy a Palestinian hospital?

Why the hell would my... My mom
destroyed a Palestinian hospital.

Because she's a Jew?

Boys, put them away.

You know the rules. No cell phones
during school time.

Sorry, Jesus.

No phones, guys.

Take that bet down right now, fat ass. I
didn't put it up, Kyle.

I'm not even betting on it. It's nine to
one odds. Your mom won't do it. Those

are terrible odds.

This is such bullshit.

I'm going to find out who started this,
and I'm going to rip him a new asshole.

Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and
they flip out.

Maybe these are pretty good odds.

U .S. Fat News!

They're called prediction market apps,
controversial online betting that's

a loophole around normal gambling laws.

And, of course, the number one trending
bet on the apps, will President Trump

and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl?

That's right, prediction market apps are
going crazy right now.

On Kalshi, 54 % are betting it's going
to be a boy. While bettors on Polymarket

are at nearly 60%. The demonic butt baby
is going to be a girl.

Hello, boss.

Another gift for the baby.

Another present for the baby? What about
me?

Everyone is so excited for the baby
booth. You must be so excited as well.

Uh, yeah, sure, real excited.

It is going to completely change your
laughter.

What are you talking about?

Well, when the baby comes, you will have
to give it all your attention.

No more dinner parties in the Rose
Garden.

No more baseball games.

No more traveling.

No more long nights at Mar -a -Lago.

Oh.

Ooh.

Hey, Satan!

You want to get in the hot tub and smoke
some cigarettes?

Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad
for the baby.

Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway.

Wait, do you want to get rid of the
baby?

I don't think your followers would be
very happy if we got an abortion.

Hey, relax, guy. I don't want to get rid
of the baby.

Good, because we're not going to.

Oh, hey, Kyle. What the hell is this?

That's a prediction market app.

I'm asking why did you bet yes that my
mom would strike Gaza?

Oh, yeah, I put some money on that. I
know it's not very likely, but I like to

bet on long shots.

Why are you betting on it at all? Israel
and Gaza is a very serious matter.

Oh, I know, Kyle. I told a joke about
Gaza at a Zoom meeting yesterday, and

nobody left.

I guess it's not even remotely funny.

Wow, what a terrific audience.

wrong with you people? Do you even know
what Gaza is?

You seriously just care about making a
couple bucks?

You know what my mom would do if she
found out about this? She would

lose her shit.

There's been a conflict in Israel for
thousands of years, and Jews and

Palestinians are not football teams that
you bet on.

Guys, phones.

Sorry, Jesus.

Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair,
then you can just take it up with the

company that manages the app. I can?

Sure thing.

These apps aren't run -of -the -mill
rinky -dink.

They're all run by highly professional
strategic advisors.

strategic advisor for predictive
markets?

Yes, it is.

Well, there's a bet on one of your apps
that's incredibly insensitive, and it

needs to be taken down. Now!

Oh, uh, all our bets are actually
regulated by the CFTC.

You need to talk to them.

What's the CFTC?

It's the Commodity Futures Trading
Commission.

It's the federal government. They have
to prove all bets and deal with

discrepancies.

Fine, I'll call the CFTC then. So
stupid.

Commodity Futures Trading Commission.

Here we go.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction
market bet that's offensive to Jewish

people. Oh, that sounds really bad.

If it's offensive, you probably need to
speak with the FCC.

The FCC?

Yeah, they're dealing with all the
offensive stuff now. Here, let me

you.

Hello?

This is the same guy.

Who is it?

Oh, apparently there's a really
offensive bet on one of the apps that

government is sort of in charge of, and
I'm like the strategic advisor.

An offensive government app?

I better go speak with the president
right away.

Just real quick.

For what?

For just real quick.

Oh, there you are, Mr. President. I need
to talk to you.

No, no, no, no. Brandon Carr. No. Whoa.
Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

The FTC guy must have shitty ankles.

You guys. You guys.

Have you checked out the betting app
lately?

No. Ever since Kyle got all pissed off,
the odds are going up on his mom

attacking Gaza.

No way.

Yeah, check it out. Now 17 % of people
are betting she's going to do it. We got

to get in on this, guys.

Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike
Gaza.

Yes, exactly. We know that. And we can
also influence Kyle to get the odds

raised even more.

It's called a conflict of interest, you
guys. It's a way to make free money.

Isn't that illegal?

Yes. All we have to do is make sure Kyle
stays angry and at the same time go

talk anti -Semitic shit about his mom to
goose the odds up even more.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing. Just talking about how messed
up it is everyone hates Jews now.

You think it's messed up. Yes, I do,
Cal. Why would an app allow a bet like

to exist? It's obvious rage bait. Yeah,
that's exactly how I feel.

Dude, you might just want to let it go.

See? Just let it go.

That's how people want you to deal with
a crisis that they don't even

understand. Yes.

Thank you. You can't give up, Cal.

It's not cool people would say this
stuff about your mom.

And honestly, if you don't have her
back, who will?

Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's
mom?

Man, that bitch has it out for
Palestine, let me tell you.

Well, I don't know, I would just hate to
be at a Palestinian hospital, that's

all I can say.

Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys.

Hey guys!

Guys, have you heard about my friend
Kyle's mom?

Oh my goodness, can you believe all the
crazy apps our kids are on these days?

Ugh, who can keep track anymore?

Kyle comes to me every day with a new
app that he just has to have. I tell

that app... costs money, Kyle. Then it
charges you money. Where are you going

get this money?

Yeah, you know what would be nice? It's
an app where you can actually make some

money. Oh, yes.

That'd be great, wouldn't it?

Yes, it certainly would.

So, Sheila, how have you been feeling
about the current situation in Gaza?

What? Yeah, just thought we'd sort of
take your temperature.

Which way are you thinking about going
with that?

Well, I think it's all horrible. A lot
of people are dying.

Uh -huh. And do you feel like you need
to do anything about it?

What would I do about it?

I mean, probably nothing, right?

You're going to do nothing about it. Are
you implying the Jews in America have

some kind of obligation to do something
about it? Whoa, whoa! You want to vilify

my faith, is that it? Sheila, it's okay.

It's not Jews versus Palestine.

It's Israel versus Palestine.

Here we go with the Palestinian stuff
again.

And maybe if you read books instead of
everything Hollywood actors say, you'd

know the difference.

What are you putting your money on?

I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she
seems pretty pissed off.

There's really no money to be made on
betting she won't. Yeah, let's pick the

long odds. That makes these apps more
fun.

Yeah.

I made you some soup.

I don't like carrots.

Good for you.

I don't want carrots.

I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.

Mr. President, I really need to speak
with you.

Not now, Brandon Carr. Satan won't eat
his carrots.

Oh, come on, Satan. You're eating for
two now. Carrots are good for you, see?

No, Brandon Carr. Don't do it.

Oh, wow.

This is the best soup ever. Oh, God.

Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa.

where I went today, it was the same
thing.

What are you going to do about Gaza?

Like us Jews in America have any control
over what's going on in Israel.

Why is everyone suddenly confronting us
about the politics?

Have people been asking what you think
about Gaza, Gerald?

No, for some reason they were just
asking what you think about it. You see?

just pure anti -Semitism.

I'm so sick of being grilled about my
views on Palestine and my thoughts on

Hamas.

And being judged for things that are
centuries old and that non -Jews know

nothing about!

Well, if they all think we should do
something, then you better believe I'll

something! You know, Mom, I'm starting
to think that us Jews should just lay

for a little bit.

There! Now my son is complacent! This is
one Jewish household that will not put

up with it anymore!

Ma, please, don't make things any worse.

Worse? How can it be any worse?

I'm going to find out where all this is
coming from!

Another present for the baby.

Another present for the baby. Right.

Isn't it cute, boss? We must be careful,
though. Cats can be very harmful to a

pregnancy.

Harmful to a pregnancy?

Well, yes, boss.

It's a parasite called Toxoplasmosis. It
can be transferred from cats to humans

and bring about some complications.

Toxoplasmosis?

Thank you.

What? I thought you were napping in our
room.

No, I had to go get the ultrasound.

I can't believe you didn't show up. It
really makes me feel like you don't care

about this baby.

Hey, relax, guy. Of course I care about
the baby.

Mr. President, I'm feeling much better.
No!

I did it.

You did what? I talked so much shit
about the Jews that I got the odds on

bet up to 95%. Are you sure?

Yeah, check it out. I put $1 ,400 on it
last night. I am locked in.

Where'd you get $1 ,400?

I just took my mom's debit card, entered
all the info into the betting app, and

put all the money she has on it.

Cool. Isn't she going to be pissed off?

Yeah, not when I turn her $1 ,400 into
$14 ,000. This is the safest investment

ever. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Hey, Phyllis.

Phyllis. Fellas, have you seen the news?

Kyle's mom's in Israel.

Dude,

your mom's in Israel.

I know.

Wait, you gotta call her. You gotta calm
her down.

I've been trying to call her. Her
phone's not working over there.

Kyle, this is no time for weakness.

Whatever your mom is doing, it is going
to make kids here even more anti

-Semitic.

You're totally right.

Damn right I'm right.

You have to get a hold of your mom and
tell her to calm down, Kyle. Call the

Israeli government if you have to. How
do I call the Israeli government?

Call a diplomat. Call an embassy.

You just have to talk to someone who
works for Israel.

shitting me. What? This is the strategic
advisor for predictive market apps.

Time to take the bet down.

What? Make him take the bet down, Cal.
It is anti -Semitic and you have to

for what you believe in.

I called before about an offensive bet
and I want that bet taken down right

That's right.

Oh, yes. I believe your complaint was
being reviewed by the head of the SEC.

Well, then what's the head of the SEC
doing?

Where the hell is he?

Well...

Mr. Carr?

Mr. Carr, can you hear me?

We understand you're head of the FCC. Is
that correct?

All right. Well, I'm very sorry, but you
do appear to have toxoplasmosis from

exposure to cat feces.

We need you to get some rest. Try not to
move.

Will the head of the FCC be okay,
Doctor?

His bones are healing, so he may regain
full range of motion. But if the

Toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his
brain, I'm afraid he may lose his

speech.

We'll do everything we can.

Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my
plans?

Oh? I've been trying to convince the
boss to get rid of the baby.

I'm next in line to be president.

That baby cannot be bound.

And if you continue to interfere, I will
make things very difficult for you.

Uh -oh.

We can do this the easy way, or we can
do it the hard way.

Yes, is this the office of the
president?

Yes, it is.

I've got a young man who's saying one of
our predictive market bets is offensive

to Jews.

Oh, that sounds bad.

Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.

Well, the president isn't here, but I'm
like a special advisor, so I could

probably get the bet taken down.

Oh, I'm a special advisor, too.

Oh, really? That's great. Can you email
me the bet in question?

Yeah, I'm emailing it now.

Oh, yeah, I see it. Okay, I'll need to
approve with the financial company

backing all the apps since the bet money
needs to be returned.

Okay, thanks. I'll let all the Jews
know.

What the hell?

They took it down.

We were all going to win, and they took
down our bets.

How could the app company do that? I got
in at 9 to 1 odds. This is bullshit.

These steps are totally corrupt.

Guy, for the love of God.

Well, Cartman, I just want to say
thanks.

You know, it's crazy, but nobody else
here gave a crap about how I was feeling

except for you.

Oh, that's all right, Cal.

I'm just happy the bet got taken down.

And now none of those sickos can profit
off of what your mom does.

Yeah, well, those people would have all
lost the bet anyway.

What do you mean they would have all
lost the bet?

Well, I know the reason my mom went to
Israel.

It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian
hospital?

No. When my mom left the house, she said
she was going to find the person

responsible for all this and give them a
piece of her mind.

You are not going to talk to me like
that! I am extremely upset and I am

I'm not leaving until I have said my
piece.

There you are, Mr.

Netanyahu.

Just who do you think you are? Killing
thousands and flattening neighborhoods.

Then wrapping yourself in Judaism like
it's some seal from criticism.

You're making life for Jews miserable
and life for American Jews impossible.

Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me,
mister.

You know what you're doing and you're
doing it on purpose.

Now you can just sit in that chair,
because I'm not going anywhere, buster.

been to every PTA meeting, every school
board meeting, and I can go all day.

Look who's got a new tattoo.

It says dumbass, dumbass.

It says dumbass twice.

Beavis and Butthead, new episode coming
up next.