All language subtitles for Reno 911! - S03E01 - Released from Prison (1080p x265 EDGE2020)

Somebody's gotta
take out the trash

and I promise
the citizens of Reno

that that person is gonna be me,
Mike Powers.

...dereliction of duty,
sexual indiscretion.

(Jim)
'Mmm.'

Lot of charges leveled
against this department.

Mm-hmm.

Are you, uh...aware of

all the activities that take
place within the department?

Yes, sir, I am.

Does anything
escape your attention?

No, sir, it does not.

Are you aware that your balls

are hanging out right now?

You're all fired.

'So, if you could turn in
your guns and badges'

to, uh, the bailiff here.

I'm going to personally
make sure

that you all rot in prison.

Goodbye.
You're all fired.

(male #1)
'That's a lovely
shade of bitch.'

(male #2)
'What's up, Mandingo?'

I just had the most
horrible nightmare.

We were all indicted
and sent to prison.

Wasn't no [bleep] nightmare.

Lay your ass back down!

Oh, hey, Rufus.

[gunshot]
Hey, where is--

(Jim)
'Typical day for me is, uh...'

Oh, about, uh, 10 or 12 hours
of exercising.

Uh, and then I practice
some conversational German.

Get your-get your ass
out of my face, Dangle.

Get your face out of my ass!

What's it like in here?

Well, when I'm not sitting
in a fetal position

rocking back and forth
and crying

I take a couple of
catnaps every day

and then other than that,
it's just, you know

how do you spend the rest
of the mind-numbing hours

in here when there's
absolutely nothing to do?

The needle isn't even
touching you right now.

Okay, okay. Okay.

- Trudy. Trudy!
- Okay, stop, stop!

What-how much did you get done?

- Nothing.
- Okay, go ahead.

One part of it--

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Okay.

Did you finish? Is it finished?

I need...Okay, you know what
I finished?

This part of his ear.
That's it.

- That's okay. Thank you.
- Okay.

Feels kind of good.

'My roommates and I,
things are pretty good.'

I have night terrors

so they're not excited
about that.

Um, most of the time

I scream through the night

that something's trying
to kill me.

I violently thrash about

and sometimes
I harm myself or others.

So, they're not
psyched about that

but other than that we have
a really good time together.

♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

Ey. Ey, ey! Ey!

I sing. You don't sing.

What do you mean,
"You sing, I don't sing?"

First of all,
we can't sing it together.

It's an old negro spiritual.

You're not old,
and you've never been negro.

I'm singing the harmony,
the white harmony.

♪ Ah ♪
♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

(Raineesha)
'Y'all stop for real.'

'You about to make me
start cryin'. Stop!'

Stop!
This is creepin' me out.

Why, 'cause it reminds you
of your mammy?

Sorry. I know.

Uh-oh.

Help!

Let's take a time-out.

Let's take a time-out.

♪ Slam slammy-slammer ♪

♪ The man has dropped down
the hammer on me Jomesie ♪

♪ Quite inexplicably
incarceration humiliation ♪

♪ No transportation
or masturba-tion ♪

♪ Mike check
one two ♪

♪ Shawshank
Shawshank ♪

♪ These four walls
cannot hold me ♪

♪ Cannot contain me
cannot a break-a my stride ♪

♪ For I am fed full
with knowledge ♪

♪ That few would believe ♪♪

Uh, prison life

I have really been trying
to make the best of it.

I'm in a correctional facility.

I'm trying to make some
corrections to Clemmy.

You know, first thing
right off the bat

first day, I got that going.

Um, a girl kicked my ass

because I wouldn't kiss her.

Um, some bitch named Deltrice
or something like that.

And so, now, um, I have to
give her all my cigarettes.

So I'm not smoking anymore.

(Junior)
Mail call. Come to papa.

Yeah, and then I got you
a, uh, '97 cabernet.

Oh! Yo!

(Jim)
'They didn't have a '96, huh?'

You gonna start on me again?

I'm just saying, in the future

when you're picking out a cab...

...go with an even year.

If you don't want it,
I'll take it--

- No, no, no.
- Yeah, don't get him mad.

I'll take it.

You know, being in prison,
I have

uh, finally decided
to start my first novel.

Uh, started it two weeks ago.

It is "Christine"
by Stephen King.

Uh, so far it's about a...

It's like, this car,
that at night

it comes to life
and it kills folks

who said something mean
about the car.

It's real good so far.

Let me tell y'all about
the worst date I ever been on.

This was my first baby's father.

We stand in this line for
over two hours to take pictures.

We get up to the front,
and this was his dance.

Get up to the front.

He said,
"Do you got some money?"

'Do you understand me?'

That the boy looked me
in my face

and I said,
"Does hell go with no?"

But the argument was so rich.

Do you understand
what I'm sayin'?

Like, I felt like we connected

and I knew in that moment

when he was hollerin'
and screamin' at me

in that parking lot

I said,
"I'm gonna give him some."

I gave a guy some because
he opened my car door for me

and I thought that was polite.

So I [bleep] him.

You know, they've never
made a perfect prison.

Two words about, uh,
prison escape.

Plumbin', you know?

You flush the terlet,
that turd's gonna end up

somewhere outside
of these walls

and, uh,
if a turd can make it out

so can we.

♪ Aah-aah-aah-aah
aah-aah-aah-aah ♪

This is Maria Storm
reporting live

from Washoe County Penitentiary.

I'm standing here with
new Acting District Attorney

Scott Greenberg.

Uh, there has been
a warrant issued

for the arrest of, uh,
district attorney Mike Powers

as new DNA evidence

uh, has linked him to a series

of prostitute murders

and decapitations.

So, if you come in contact
with uh, Mr. Powers

and let me tell you,
he's very charismatic.

He's a very nice guy.

He compliments you
very easily.

Uh, do not, do not

take this into your own hands.

'He is a dangerous person.'

And what does this mean
to the deputies

of Reno's sheriff's department?

Well, they're probably
gonna walk, scot-free.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, congratulations on your
new position, Mr. Greenberg.

Oh, thank you. Actually,
I'm having a party tonight.

They're throwing me a party.
Do you have e-mail?

This is Maria Stone
reporting live.

Tonight, Reno's finest
are back on the street.

Released on parole, they are
ineligible for civil service

but they are free,
free to do anything they want.

Anything except wear a badge.

The gates are opening here
at Washoe County Penitentiary.

'The deputies of Reno are
just moments away from freedom.'

Sir, excuse me. How does it feel
to be a private citizen again?

Um, it's great.

Uh, I'm glad I'm not a cop.

Uh, [bleep] cops

and, uh, suck my [bleep].

You have beautiful eyes.

I know.

How do you feel about
District Attorney Mike Powers?

Oh, there's no hard feelings.

You know, people

people do what they do

and you know, c'est la vie.

And you're not interested
in finding him

and arresting him?

No, I'm mostly interested
in going home

taking a nice,
quick whore's bath

and then heading out
to hometown buffet.

You know, we watch you
every single night at 10:00.

Every night.
Boys, uh, [bleep] off to you.

'Good to meet you, though.'

(James)
'Take me to the rack,
take me to the rack.'

- There it is! Oh!
- Okay. Okay, okay, alright.

- Play some defense now.
- Now, now. Oh, spin it.

- No. God!
- Boom! Yes.

(James)
Life is, uh, treating me
pretty darn good.

Both Jomesie and I are,
uh, SEOs here at...

Security Enforcement Officers.

...here at the beautiful

Washoe County mall.

We're, uh-we're in here
in a nice, uh

climate-controlled environment.

And that also makes, uh

climate-control criminals.

Yeah, pretty much, uh,
you know, we don't have to yell

"freeze" or "drop the gun,
son of a bitch."

It's like,
"Hey, get out of the fountain.

Leave Santa alone,"
you know?

"Please don't do that."

"Don't steal that stuff

from the food buffet," you know.

- "Come on, you guys."
- "Come on, hey."

"Seriously.
For real, don't."

"Stop putting slugs into
the video arcade machines

or I'll, uh,
shine my flashlight on you."

We love the new uniforms,
by the way.

I mean,
I'm loving this color.

They're light...

Cotton, breathable.

Not that, uh, crappy, uh,
Baghdad beige we wear.

- Yeah. That was disgusting.
- Oh, man.

And it didn't do anything
for...your eyes.

Oh, come on. Talk to me.

[snorts]
Oh. Come on.

There was sort of a little
dark period there

where I kind of
just laid in bed

eating peanut butter
for about nine days.

And then I'd fallen asleep
on the street one day

and there was a bus bench ad

that said something
along the lines of...

Number-number one.
Someone was number one.

Some lawyer or somebody
was number one

and I thought, "Good God.

"I got half my life ahead of me.

"It's time that I'm number one.

It's time for me
to take my shot at number one."

And here I am

trying out for "American Idol!"

I'm going to Hollywood!

I'm just practicing that.
I'm not going yet, obviously.

(Trudy)
Well, since leaving prison

things have been going
pretty well for me.

I opened my own
bed and breakfast in my house.

Okay, just a second,
Georgie.

Uh, one sandwich per person.

Okay? So, let's not, uh...
I saw that you had one earlier.

Excuse me, Betty.
So this is mine. Okay.

If you're in the Reno area,
you should check out

"Trudy's Scratching Post,
Bed and Breakfast..."

...in the Reno-Tahoe area.

Betty, can I get a tea?

If you would like
to come and stay

it's not very expensive

and you can stay
in my living room.

I sleep in the master bedroom,
but you can...

There's plenty of room
in the living room.

Just bring a sleeping bag,
and it's cozy and fun

and we have...

...if you like board games,
we have Sorry.

It's almost bedtime, you guys.

We go to bed at, like, 4:00.

And if you like animals

I have 13 cats.

So come and give 'em a squeeze.

Uh, but not the black one

because he bites.

Mmm. Honey, this is lukewarm.

Can you heat this up, please?

Thank you!

She's hard of hearing and dumb
as a post, but what a doll.

That's good, Georgie. Please
don't run into the furniture.

(male #3)
'Bitch, you better
shut that baby up!'

(female #1)
'Don't tell me what to do!'

Since I got out of jail,
I've changed.

Do you see this? Huh?
Huh, nothin' but pure joy!

Why? 'Cause I'm not a cop
no more.

Let's take a look at this!

Start gettin' excited, people.

This is a winner!

This one has more bars

I think, on the windows
than the other one.

Yeah, but you know what?

Bars not only keep people out

but they keep stuff in.

Sure. They keep stuff in...

Alright, now, this is beautiful.

You're only gonna be
able to look

through the windows, though

'cause I can't let you
go inside.

Oh, because of the sheriff's
line, "Do not cross," yellow...

Do not cross, yellow.

However, there is an upside
and that is

that you'll get to keep
all the furniture inside.

- Mmm.
- That's not evidence.

Huh? Huh!

Hands inside the vehicle!

Oh!

See, as a cop, I had to enforce
all kinds of rules.

Here I got one,
hands inside the vehicle.

You know what?
Sometimes I don't enforce it.

What the [bleep]?
This is the life, boy.

It really don't
get no better than this.

Seein' the world,
travelin' the country

gettin' to be
my own boss pretty much

'cause Mr. Johnson's
always drunk.

Been here for five days,
still got all my fingers.

That's right. I never
get tired of this song.

They play this song all day.

It plays this, and it plays

"Ooh, That Smell,"
by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

You know,
this-this beats being a cop.

Wait. Wait a second. Let me just
check my to-do list for the day.

Oh, [bleep]!
I ain't got a to-do list!

I done it!
I done everything!

Whoo. Gotta watch it.

Last time I went in there
for a beer

I got clocked pretty good.

Hey, baby, mustache rides!
Five cents!

Yoo!

I'm out of jail,
and I'm living my dream.

You know what I realized?

I'm not meant to be a cop.

I am not meant to be
a magician's assistant.

I was not meant
to go to college.

I was not meant to donate blood.

I am a Babylon sister

and I was meant to shake it
with Steely Dan, mother [bleep]!

I think of the Dan

the way a lot of people
think of the dead.

In that, their music is
the soundtrack to my whole life.

And using the thing that I know
how to do with people's heads

I am going to get them to change
the title of that song

from "Hey, 19"
to "Hey, 35 And Holding."

I'm gonna do it. I swear.

I am gonna just
party my ass off.

I've already gotten started

huffing a little hairspray
in the bathroom.

So, you know what?

Who needs, you know,
a steady paycheck

and a $10 copayment
when you got this?

(James)
'We're-we're lovin' it.'

It's great, just great
to have the freedom

you know,
to do what you wanna do.

This is our world. It's like
one of those bio domes.

We're going to go
to, uh, Barbados next week.

Next week and we're
gonna try snorkeling.

- Yeah.
- Lookin' forward to that.

And some surfing and...

And then some surfing

and some senoritas...

Yeah.

...in Barbados.

Maybe we'll get you
an earring. Huh?

Well, maybe.

Maybe I 'll get a tattoo
on the ankle or something.

That's a little gay.

Hey!

- Hoo-hoo! Git.
- Ho-hoh-ho!

Listen, uh, I don't know.

Can you, uh,
read the mall rules?

There's no skateboards
in the mall.

It doesn't say that,
it says, "No loitering."

I didn't see anything
that said, "No skateboards."

Hey, don't tell me what
I think you said or saw. Okay?

- Respect this. You see this?
- Yeah.

You see what that is?
Can you read? What does it say?

- "Security officer."
- Yeah.

Security Enforcement Officer.

SEO. Remember those initials,
okay?

- Look at that. See that?
- You might wanna remember that.

Yeah. I mean,
I just don't understand...

- Where you goin'?
- I'm just...

You don't understand what,
English?

I didn't mean--

Tell your friends,
no loitering.

- They said no loitering.
- 'Take your crap.'

Get out of here. We don't wanna
ever see you again, alright?

- Pick it up.
- Pick it up.

You've lost
your mall privileges.

- Tell your friends, too.
- You've lost them.

- Go!
- Get out.

- Go! Get out.
- 'I'm going.'

That's right.

Little...

- Son of a bitch!
- You [bleep] dead!

- 'Stop!'
-'You're dead!'

(James)
'You're dead!'

You know what?
Prison was fun.

People might not think that, um

you know, being locked up
in prison for a...

...you know, unknown amount
of time would be fun

but for me, um,
just sort of knowing that

I had someplace to go
the next day was fun for me.

And they have a very good
suicide watch program there.

Higher.
Higher, higher, higher!

Higher, higher!

(woman on TV)
'1475, Bob.'

Oh. Dishwashers
aren't that expensive.

[telephone ringing]

That guy's gonna lose.
I told you.

(man on answering machine)
'Trudy Wiegel,
do you recognize this voice?'

'It's your old buddy
Mike Powers.'

'I know where you are, Trudy.'

'I can see you right now,
petting that stupid cat.'

'I'm gonna get you. I'm coming
for you and your frien...'

'Uh, hey, Trudy,
Mike Powers again.'

'Uh, I'm coming to kill you
and all your friends.'

That's the guy
who put me in prison.

It's Mike Powers!

(Mike)
'We're gonna
play a little game.'

It's called,
"Dig your own grave."

Mike, we were just
following orders.

If you're gonna kill anybody,
it's Dangle.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What the [bleep]

What's up, Carl?

'Hey, missy.'

'Is that a new bicycle
you're drivin' there?'

Lookin' good.

Lawd,
come on, Ms. Clementine.

Youse know
how to make corn bread

greens, and chitlings

fried chicken,
and a butter pound cake.

Lawdie, I'm gonna
have me some of them

mmm, fine ham bones
and chitlin...

No, you're the white lady.

Oh.