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00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:08,700
Hi, I'm danny devito, executive
producer of "reno 911!",
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00:00:08,770 --> 00:00:11,840
and I just want to welcome you
and thank you
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00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:17,350
for supporting the wonderful men
and women of this force.
4
00:00:17,410 --> 00:00:19,980
These people lay down
their lives every day.
5
00:00:20,050 --> 00:00:24,320
They put themselves
in harm's way for you, for me,
6
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:27,820
for the people of reno.
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00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:31,460
I think -- because, actually,
I've never seen the show,
8
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,930
but I've heard some really good
things about it.
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00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,300
You hear "reno 911!"
You're walking down the street.
10
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,400
Or a kid will be talking
or playing
11
00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:44,240
or fighting in the playground --
"reno 911! Reno 911!"
12
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,140
It becomes a chant, a cheer.
13
00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:50,150
And, you know, I'm really gonna
watch the show this year.
14
00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:52,510
Come here!
15
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,150
Oh! Ahh!
16
00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:01,890
Oh-ah! Oh!
17
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,390
Dangle: Very, very big news.
18
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:39,790
President bush is coming to
town, doing some campaigning.
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00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:42,200
He's gonna give a speech down
at the bowlers' hall of fame.
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00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:44,870
We have been assigned
to motorcade duty.
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00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,970
Whoo!
22
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,740
So, yes, very exciting.
23
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,870
Not the driving motorcade duty.
24
00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:53,210
We'll be blocking off
a stretch of route 80.
25
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:57,450
So, don't throw eggs
or anything.
26
00:01:57,510 --> 00:02:00,380
You're all acting like I already
chucked something at him.
27
00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:02,050
I'm not gonna do that.
28
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,820
We can salute, right?
29
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,320
We stand, we salute.
30
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,120
We say, "good going, dubya,"
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00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:09,920
and we don't say, "legalize it,"
or "hey, look at me."
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00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:12,730
Are we allowed to hold up
signs of support?
33
00:02:12,790 --> 00:02:14,900
We care about him in reno.
34
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,000
Are you gonna hold up a sign
that says "dubya, '04"?
35
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,170
Junior: I got one.
36
00:02:18,230 --> 00:02:19,430
Then, no, we're not allowed.
37
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,700
How about, "I love bush"?
38
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,640
Oh, you got
yourself with that.
39
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:26,940
This will be
a good opportunity for me,
40
00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:28,640
because what I intend to do
41
00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:31,310
is to throw myself
in front of the motorcade,
42
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:32,980
in front of the car,
43
00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:35,980
and finally have
a one-on-one talk to this man
44
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:37,990
about not being able
to bring tweezers
45
00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,990
or knitting needles
on an airplane.
46
00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:42,920
Suspended.
47
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:49,930
Sheriff's department.
48
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,000
How are you doing
this day, sir?
49
00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:55,070
What happened?
50
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:57,670
We had a heated debate.
51
00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:00,880
And then they made some points,
I made some points,
52
00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:03,080
the monkey had a point or two.
53
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:07,220
And then finally mob mentality
set in, so, you know it.
54
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,320
So, the monkey went just crazy
with fervor and just bit.
55
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,890
That's what happens
56
00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:14,190
when you make a monkey that mad
with discussion.
57
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,160
That is out-of-bounds
for a party.
58
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:19,160
Do you have a license
for this animal?
59
00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:20,760
I have a li--
60
00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:23,130
I obey the law of man,
61
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,200
but this man
obey the law of jungle.
62
00:03:26,270 --> 00:03:27,640
It's a party,
63
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,570
and that's a monkey
can make his own decisions.
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00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,740
I have a hard time
believing --
65
00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:33,910
mob mentality, my ass,
that monkey didn't bite nobody.
66
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,580
It was all this fella here.
67
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,650
Look at that,
blaming it all on the monkey.
68
00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:39,910
Go out, put him in,
then get the evidence camera.
69
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:42,380
Bring it back, and we'll take
pictures of the monkey.
70
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,850
It can be our christmas card.
Oh, that's a great idea.
71
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,150
All right, come on, fella.
72
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,150
Is this some damn
costume party or what?
73
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,580
He started it!
74
00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:14,580
You too!
75
00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:16,580
Slow down, slow down.
76
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:18,250
Okay, everybody's
gonna be heard.
77
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,920
Tell me.
78
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:22,660
We had just finished
doing the re-enactment --
79
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,490
civil war re-enactment,
okay?
80
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,160
So, I bring my guys here
81
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:28,330
for beer and pizza
afterwards, right?
82
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,600
Okay, and so gary decides
to bring his guys.
83
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:33,470
It's not
all-you-can-eat pizza.
84
00:04:33,530 --> 00:04:35,900
It's all-you-can-eat salad bar.
You pay for the pizza.
85
00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:38,570
And yankee
decides to hog off
86
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,740
on all the pizza
he wants to eat.
87
00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:43,410
He starts doing this weird math
where his guys,
88
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,550
because of
the missouri compromise,
89
00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:48,120
they only have to pay
two-fifths of the bill.
90
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,650
Okay, first of all, how do you
figure fifths of a bill?
91
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,350
I don't even have a calculator.
I don't know how to do that.
92
00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:55,690
So, you're getting the pizza,
and he gets mad at you?
93
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,090
I slopped the hogs.
94
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,230
He slopped the hogs, and he
went off, and he attacked you?
95
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,900
He freaked out.
96
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,530
He picks up a piece of pizza,
and he throws it at me.
97
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,230
It hits me
right in the face.
98
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,300
With hot pizza!
He threw pizza at me!
99
00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:10,040
I got his statement.
100
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:13,110
What I'm gonna need to do is
take these guys in right here.
101
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:14,780
Hold on.
No, no, no, no, no.
102
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,510
You're not taking
these guys.
103
00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:18,710
These guys are the ones
that started it.
104
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:21,050
No, this gentleman said
he went and ate all the pizza,
105
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,880
went crazy,
and things started that way.
106
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:24,250
I'm taking them in.
107
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,020
But they didn't pay
for the pizza.
108
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,820
And he threw pizza
in his face.
109
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,890
That's assault, sir,
that's assault.
110
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,560
What's wrong with that?
111
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,530
You like that?
You like that?
112
00:05:33,590 --> 00:05:35,300
You like that?!
113
00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:01,260
But, mommy, I just got home,
and I don't feel good.
114
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,790
Don't you back-talk me!
115
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,460
You gonna get in there,
116
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,230
or else I'm gonna treat you
like antwone fisher!
117
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,700
Now, do you want me
to tie you up in a basement
118
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,000
and beat you with a wet rag?
119
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,340
No, mommy. I'm sorry.
120
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,540
I feel strong enough
to clean up now.
121
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,210
Well, good.
122
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:23,510
And get that oxygen tank up
off that living room floor!
123
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,250
Just leaving your oxygen
laying all around.
124
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:30,520
What you think this is, huh?
125
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,950
I'm just trying to let y'all
know how it's gonna go down
126
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,290
when you get home, children.
127
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,290
Ha!
128
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,330
So you can be prepared, huh?
129
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,640
We're in
the right place, right?
130
00:06:54,510 --> 00:06:56,380
Well, this is where
we're waiting.
131
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,980
Yeah. They said bush
was gonna be right here.
132
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:00,480
Through here.
133
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:01,950
Through here.
134
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,790
What?
135
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,790
Not right here.
Through here.
136
00:07:05,850 --> 00:07:07,190
Bush.
137
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,020
Oh, bush. Right.
138
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:11,430
You ever met him?
139
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,590
Who?
140
00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:15,400
Huh?
141
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:16,560
Who?
142
00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:18,130
What?
143
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,470
Met who?
144
00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:20,940
Him.
145
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,440
Yeah.
146
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:25,640
Seen him?
147
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,040
I seen him.
148
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:29,240
Well, no, I've seen him.
I mean, I've seen him.
149
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,350
You know
what he looks like?
150
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,880
Oh.
151
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,150
So, what was
the question?
152
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:38,020
I don't know.
I can't remember.
153
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,320
Have I met him?
Yeah.
154
00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:41,990
Oh, you've met him?
155
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:43,830
No, yeah,
that was the question.
156
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:46,660
Oh, right. Right.
157
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,160
Yeah.
158
00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:50,200
"Yeah," you know
what the question was,
159
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,100
but, "no,"
you have never met him.
160
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:53,270
Yeah.
161
00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:54,770
Okay, good.
162
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,870
That clears things up
a little bit.
163
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,850
Thanks for letting me use
your sword, brad.
164
00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:07,580
You're welcome, gary.
Sorry I called you an [bleep]
165
00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:09,080
I'm sorry I freaked out.
166
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,750
Yeah, you did,
didn't you.
167
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,090
Good?
168
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,420
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
169
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:19,330
How about you guys?
Come on, make up.
170
00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:21,730
Make up?
171
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,400
Come on.
172
00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:24,730
Just do it.
173
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,600
Apologize.
174
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,570
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
175
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,840
Sorry
you're a punk-ass redneck.
176
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:42,120
Ow! Ow! Aaaaaaaah!
177
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,450
He's seriously biting him.
178
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,490
Come on!
179
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,320
Who's a cracker, huh?!
180
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:52,030
You let go!
181
00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:53,790
You let go of me first!
182
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,600
Hi.
183
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:02,100
Hi, craig.
184
00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:03,570
Hi.
185
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,810
How you doing?
Thanks for coming to visit me.
186
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:08,440
No problem.
187
00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:11,050
Thanks, thanks.
You too.
188
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:12,910
You look kind of buff.
189
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:16,050
No, it's -- it's actually
just bruises, really.
190
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,320
Oh.
191
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,350
Sort of swollen up
a little bit.
192
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:21,760
But that's all right.
Things are good.
193
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:25,030
Hello?
194
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:26,360
Hello?
195
00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:28,660
Oh, I didn't know
if you could hear me still.
196
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:31,630
Yeah, these things
cut in and out, I guess.
197
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:34,300
No, I don't think so.
I think we just...
198
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:36,200
Had nothing to say
at that moment.
199
00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:37,640
Which is normal, I think.
200
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,410
This is kind of
a weird situation.
201
00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:41,880
It is. It's awkward.
It's awkward and weird.
202
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:43,040
Yeah.
203
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:45,280
Yeah, I guess it's 'cause
204
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,520
we're not actually
in the same room, really.
205
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:50,520
We're in the same room, but
we're behind bulletproof glass
206
00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:53,620
'cause you killed a bunch of
people and you're on death row.
207
00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:55,790
It's a little different
than meeting at bennigan's
208
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:57,360
for a cup of soup.
209
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,760
But you need reservations
for both,
210
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:01,460
so that's kind of similar.
211
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:02,800
That's true.
212
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:05,470
This is taking too long.
213
00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:07,370
I want him to see my sign
214
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,540
so I can be like,
"go, sharpton! Go, sharpton!"
215
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,170
I thought about this,
216
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,010
and I want to start
my own party.
217
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,840
[ Laughs ]
What kind of party?
218
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:17,180
My own par-tay.
219
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,180
And I think
a good animal,
220
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:23,750
I think a good mascot
would be, like, a centaur.
221
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:26,090
I've got a frog
playing a banjo on my boob.
222
00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:27,760
It's a cool tattoo.
223
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,260
You do not.
224
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,590
It'd look good
in bumper stickers, I think.
225
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:32,990
Let me see it.
226
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,660
It's kind of faded now,
but I think...
227
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,330
Oh, yeah, yeah.
228
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,740
He's playing the banjo, and then
there's the musical notes --
229
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,740
Quiet!
230
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:53,580
Little niñas, I said people
have things to do around here!
231
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,380
Sheriff's department,
ma'am.
232
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:56,920
Hello?! Hello?!
233
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,590
Yeah, I called you
over an hour ago. What happened?
234
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:01,690
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
235
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,020
You hear that?
236
00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:04,930
Yes, uh-huh,
debbie reynolds' hears it?
237
00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:06,730
You don't hear
what's going on down there?
238
00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,560
Listen to that.
Listen to that crap.
239
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,060
It's constant!
240
00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:13,070
Yeah, uh, I don't hear
anything right now, ma'am.
241
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,240
Well, I yell
and scream my head off!
242
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,970
They're probably, like,
you know, flipping me a bird
243
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,010
and going into some room and
getting, you know, a pop tart!
244
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,680
"Sugar me up"!
245
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:26,210
Is that an alcoholic beverage?
Have you been drinking?
246
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,780
And? And what?
247
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:30,150
I'm not gonna make --
are you calling me a drunk?
248
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:32,350
No, ma'am, that's not
what I said at all.
249
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:35,520
'Cause I smell it on you, too.
There's something I'm smelling.
250
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:38,360
Ma'am, are your dogs
passing wind right now?
251
00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:40,960
No, that is me.
252
00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:42,500
What?
253
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,030
Ma'am, what I'm gonna do
for you today
254
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,870
is I'm gonna give you
my home phone number.
255
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,740
My name
is lieutenant jim dangle.
256
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,410
Please call me, all right?
257
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,910
I will be here any time,
day or night.
258
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,610
So, if I called you in
five minutes, you would be here?
259
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,980
If I called you at midnight,
you would be here?
260
00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,550
If I said to come over
and have a drink, you'd come?
261
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,050
I'm running.
Whoo! Oh, it's a party!
262
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:16,330
Boy, there is nothing
to do after school.
263
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:20,770
Oh, yeah, there is.
You could be part of my gang.
264
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,210
We go out
and we go robbing people
265
00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,470
and stealing
and stabbing them.
266
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:28,210
Time-out.
267
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,180
Why would you want
to be in a gang?
268
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,780
Make a better choice
for yourself,
269
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:36,980
because it will really
piss off your parents
270
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,650
if you're in a gang,
271
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,560
and then you would
get arrested by me.
272
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:45,860
So, don't be in a gang.
273
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,860
You got to make
a choice --
274
00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:52,030
be a square
or be in a gang.
275
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,770
Be square.
276
00:13:10,850 --> 00:13:13,120
What should we do?
We've been here.
277
00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:14,120
Wait.
278
00:13:14,190 --> 00:13:15,460
Wait? We just wait?
279
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,390
What else
are we supposed to do?
280
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,760
I don't know.
281
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,030
[ Straining ]
Waiting is what we are doing.
282
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:25,000
So, we should
keep doing it here.
283
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,500
Maybe we should --
284
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,290
Did I miss anything?
285
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,760
I had to poop.
I'm sorry.
286
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:57,260
You missed the president.
287
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:58,770
Yeah.
288
00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:01,540
Either that
or michael jackson.
289
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:02,940
Oh [bleep]
290
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:13,010
Ciao.
291
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,180
Not a lot of nice places
to use a bathroom
292
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,090
when you're out on patrol,
293
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:22,360
but this italian joint over here
has a pretty nice powder room
294
00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:26,760
for a quick 10-100
or a 10-200 in an emergency.
295
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:39,910
Hey.
296
00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:41,710
How's it hanging?
297
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,840
Good. Can't complain.
298
00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:45,010
Usmc.
299
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,380
Yeah.
300
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,550
Yeah, how could you see that?
You noticed.
301
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,850
I saw the "s.M."
I saw and "s" and "m."
302
00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:54,020
Jim? Mac.
303
00:14:54,090 --> 00:14:55,920
Mac, how you doing?
So good to meet you.
304
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,860
Boy, you got big arms.
You got big, tough hands.
305
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,030
Thanks.
306
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:00,660
Yeah.
307
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,430
Coast guard reserves.
308
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,470
Oh, seafood, huh?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
309
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,230
[ Laughs ]
Swab jockey.
310
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,570
Yeah, that's me.
That's me -- swab jockey.
311
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,070
Are you from around here?
312
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,510
No, actually.
313
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:13,770
I've never seen you.
I would've noticed you, I bet.
314
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,340
I would've
noticed you, too.
315
00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:17,140
No, actually
I'm from carson.
316
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:20,050
I'm just -- I'm down here
to meet an old friend.
317
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:22,050
Oh. Old friend, like...
318
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,120
Well, we were in
the marine boot camp together.
319
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:27,150
It's been quite
a few years.
320
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:28,720
Right, right.
321
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:31,830
Yeah, I'm kind of hoping
a little magic happens.
322
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,890
Oh, I get it.
You know what I mean?
323
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,530
This is a pager number,
324
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,870
and the best thing usually
to do is just --
325
00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:40,870
you type in your number
and then put a "911" after it.
326
00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:42,500
Means call right away.
327
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,310
Garcia: Fall in line!
Where's that big mac daddy?!
328
00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:46,640
Jimmy!
329
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,810
Together:
Semper fi, never die!
330
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:51,980
Whoo-hoo!
331
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:53,880
One, two, three!
332
00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,880
Come on, jimmy!
333
00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:57,220
Whoo!
334
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,520
Look at you!
Let me look at that!
335
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:01,560
Whoo! Whoa!
336
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:04,060
Look at you, man!
You're looking great, man!
337
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,390
Look at that.
Damn. 20 years, boy.
338
00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:08,300
Look at
that mighty howitzer.
339
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,860
Stand at attention!
There's ladies present!
340
00:16:10,930 --> 00:16:13,030
Look at --
[ Smooches ]
341
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,640
Oh, I like that.
342
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,770
Hey, hey, jimmy,
how you doing?
343
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,940
How are you doing, jimmy?
Hey.
344
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,340
What's up?
345
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:24,510
You know garcia's
not "on the team"?
346
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:28,150
I wasn't either
when I was in boot camp.
347
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,720
Okay, hang on to that.
Break a leg.
348
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,140
Argh!
349
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,680
♪ Do do do do do ♪
350
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:58,380
♪ do do do do, do do do do ♪
351
00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:01,280
♪ join my parade ♪
352
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:02,950
Been blocking city traffic.
353
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,420
That's andrew.
He does this every year.
354
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,260
And, uh, he doesn't have
a parade license, of course.
355
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,430
Right now we're hoping
he just gets tired.
356
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:14,290
I don't want to really have to
run him over or anything.
357
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,000
So, just being cautious.
358
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:21,270
You know what we're doing?
We're adding to the parade.
359
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,600
I mean,
by not pulling him over.
360
00:17:23,670 --> 00:17:24,870
Well...
361
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,540
Pull over, andrew.
362
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,580
No, you got
no business here.
363
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,310
You know what?
364
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,980
Look, I'm gonna tell you
the story.
365
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,680
Garcia: I don't want
to hear a story.
366
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,220
You're gonna hear my story,
367
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,680
then you're gonna go,
"parade proceed."
368
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,690
No parade proceed.
369
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:40,890
You cannot parade
in the middle of the street.
370
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:43,160
You're blocking traffic.
That is disturbing the peace.
371
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:45,390
Look at all the traffic
that's going.
372
00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:47,360
I'm not gonna lay down with the
lion when I'm a [bleep] tiger.
373
00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:52,730
See that?
Yeah, walk away.
374
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,700
Jones:
Have a nice parade, andy.
375
00:17:54,770 --> 00:17:56,500
You know what?
376
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:58,670
Uncle sam's crying
a tear today, okay?
377
00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:02,610
I can put it back together.
Art rebuilds.
378
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,450
Governments crumble,
but art rebuilds.
379
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:18,090
Johnson: Which of these
is illegal while driving?
380
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:23,060
"A," listening to music through
headphones that cover both ears.
381
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:26,870
"B," adjusting
your outside mirrors.
382
00:18:26,930 --> 00:18:28,540
"C"...
383
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,840
Transporting an unrestrained
animal inside the vehicle.
384
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,940
I'm gonna say "c."
385
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:35,610
"A."
386
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,080
Ah, it's "a,"
listening to music
387
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:41,250
through headphones
that cover both ears.
388
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,180
You guys.
389
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:46,250
Oh, I better start getting
some of these right.
390
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,590
Okay...
391
00:18:47,650 --> 00:18:49,560
I'm gonna be naked
in about two minutes.
392
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:51,120
Number four.
393
00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:01,070
♪ Whose broad stripes
and bright stars ♪
394
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:11,080
♪ o'er the ramparts we watched
were so gallantly streaming? ♪
395
00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:14,480
♪ And the home ♪
396
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:17,420
♪ of the ♪
397
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:25,860
♪ braaaave ♪
398
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:34,000
Hey, gang, I heard
you weren't feeling so good,
399
00:19:34,070 --> 00:19:36,740
so the deputy jimbo one-man band
is here to cheer you up
400
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,570
with a fun,
old-timey irish song.
401
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,970
And it goes
a little something like this.
402
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,080
♪ But if you come ♪
403
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:48,080
♪ when all the flowers
are dying ♪
404
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,880
♪ and I am dead ♪
405
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:55,120
♪ for dead I well may be ♪
406
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:56,990
How are you?
407
00:19:57,060 --> 00:19:58,560
Hi, guys.
408
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:00,160
Jaws of life.
409
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:02,160
Where are
the jaws of life?
410
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:03,560
Wow.
411
00:20:03,630 --> 00:20:05,370
You guys can't park here.
412
00:20:05,430 --> 00:20:08,870
Do you understand that I would
only have to sign two forms
413
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,570
to get you sent someplace
414
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,010
where you will do
hard, hard time?
415
00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:15,940
Well, I'm just saying.
I'm not trying to be disruptive.
416
00:20:16,010 --> 00:20:17,680
I was cleaning up puke.
417
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:20,180
After I make this copy,
can I get a gun?
418
00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:22,850
Terry! Terry!
419
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,350
Whoo-hoo!
420
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:25,950
Terry!
421
00:20:29,290 --> 00:20:30,820
Hey!
422
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,860
Shut up!
423
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:40,130
Keep the noise down!
424
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,070
Keep your shirts down!
425
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:46,410
Unless you're
getting paid.
426
00:20:50,210 --> 00:20:51,610
That's me -- swab jockey.
427
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,350
Yeah? I love
those uniforms.
428
00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:55,520
You know the bell-bottoms?
429
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:58,020
It's not a jarhead uniform.
You guys got the real deal.
430
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,020
Oh, well, no.
But I'll tell you what.
431
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,020
You just couldn't beat
those bell-bottoms.
432
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:03,520
Just couldn't beat them.
433
00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:05,030
Oh, sailor boys, yeah.
434
00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:07,030
Maybe you could come
to carson some time.
435
00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:08,530
I would absolutely love it.
What do you do down there?
436
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,030
I have a flower shop.
437
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,200
Johnson's floral affair.
438
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:14,700
I am just crazy
about petunias.
439
00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:17,540
I got to do this 'cause
you stole my life apparently.
440
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:18,610
Please, oh, don't. No.
Someone stole my life.
28997
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