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1
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:06,170
So, we're still tryin'
to work out
2
00:00:06,230 --> 00:00:08,370
the bugs of this,
uh, bomb-dog camera.
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:11,840
What they do is they give you
a real good shot
4
00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:13,340
and a image of the bomb.
5
00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:15,140
Testin', one, two.
6
00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:16,210
Testin'.
7
00:00:17,710 --> 00:00:18,710
Go, go.
8
00:00:18,780 --> 00:00:20,620
'Go, try it out, boy.'
9
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,480
'Transmission's good.'
10
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,050
(James)
'Damn.'
11
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,060
'Hello.'
12
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,890
Hello, Champagne.
13
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,590
Happy New Year to you.
14
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:33,730
Hi, buddy.
15
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,160
- Oh, man.
- Hey. Hey, come on now.
16
00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:38,130
Get on out of there, come on.
17
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,870
Hey, get on out.
18
00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:41,770
Hey, hey, shoo.
19
00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:44,810
(male #1)
'Hey, come here!
20
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:27,280
(Jim)
Good mornin', gang.
21
00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:28,850
- 'Hey.'
- 'Good morning.'
22
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,020
Uh, I was checkin'
the web-browser history
23
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,620
on all of the computers in here.
24
00:01:32,690 --> 00:01:35,120
You... You can do that?
25
00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:37,330
(Jim)
'Yeah. Yeah, I was checkin'
all the browser histories'
26
00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:38,560
on all the computers
in the station
27
00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:41,900
which say
"For, uh, official use only."
28
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,330
'And, uh, here's a couple
of the recent sites'
29
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,000
'people have been visiting
for official business, I guess'
30
00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:50,100
'"superbootyshots.com"'
31
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,910
'"picturesofmycats.com"'
32
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:55,110
"hugenatural[bleep].com"
33
00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:58,180
"herpesonlinecompanion.com"
34
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,150
'"drnasty[bleep].com"'
35
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,850
'"chickswith[bleep].org"'
36
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,620
"sweatersforkittens/store
catastics.com"
37
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:08,960
'"catastrophe.com,"
and "chocolate[bleep].org."'
38
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:11,530
'All those were in the recent
web browser history'
39
00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:15,260
"For official business only."
40
00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:18,530
I'm just gonna volunteer to help
you figure out, if you...
41
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:19,770
(Jim)
'Well, there's nothin'
to figure out.'
42
00:02:19,830 --> 00:02:22,100
To help you figure out
who, who, who did it.
43
00:02:22,170 --> 00:02:24,510
Okay, we don't need to call
Scotland Yard
44
00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:26,910
to figure who was lookin' at...
45
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,980
"drnasty[bleep].com."
46
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,910
I was doing some research
for my doctor.
47
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:35,250
She said, "Do things look
different or strange?"
48
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,290
And I had nothing
to compare it to.
49
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:39,790
But the cat thing
was not mine.
50
00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:47,330
(Jim)
'Sheriff's Department!'
51
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,030
Honey, are you okay?
52
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,370
- What's the matter?
- What's the matter?
53
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:52,130
[bawling]
Are you okay?
54
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,840
- 'Okay, okay.'
- 'Alright.'
55
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:58,140
It's gonna be okay,
just breathe.
56
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,110
Take a deep, deep breath.
57
00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,810
- Okay.
- Deep breath, honey.
58
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,310
(Clementine)
Have you been takin'
any drugs today?
59
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:05,050
- 'Okay. No, no...'
- Let me see your arms.
60
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,950
Hold out your arms.
Let me see your arms.
61
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,220
- Okay, you're good.
- Do you want a hug?
62
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:14,060
Okay, you're... Okay,
I feel like I'm gonna faint now.
63
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,090
Okay, so just deep breathe,
are you happy?
64
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,230
We're not gonna let anything
happen to you.
65
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,630
Okay, you have to calm... Okay.
We need to...
66
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,460
- I'm gonna call somebody.
- Get an EMT...
67
00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:25,400
We need an emergency medical
technician on the scene here.
68
00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:28,670
Reno, Reno, this is 3-Adam-32.
69
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:32,470
We've got a hysterical woman
here at the Oasis Trailer Court.
70
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:33,880
Okay, someone's on their way.
71
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,080
(Clementine)
What happened to you?
72
00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:43,250
Dangle?
73
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,620
- Dangle?
- Oh, no!
74
00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:49,020
Dangle? Are you okay?
75
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:51,160
'Do you want me to get
your Graham crackers?'
76
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,460
'Want your Graham crackers?'
77
00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:55,900
Someone's gonna come
and give us some nice sedatives.
78
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,230
'Get in.'
79
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,230
'Alright.'
80
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,540
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
81
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,810
No, I don't know what the
[bleep] she was talkin' about.
82
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:06,340
I could have sworn I heard her
say "Food Stamps," but other...
83
00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:07,910
Maybe, I don't know,
sometimes you just got
84
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,240
to speak their language,
you know?
85
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:10,580
To get 'em in the [bleep] car.
86
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,550
She's going to jail.
87
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:17,120
I don't know what she did,
but she's goin' to jail.
88
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,120
[instrumental music]
89
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:24,830
Test, one, two.
90
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,100
Test, still no sign
of One-eyed Jack
91
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,260
and I'm [bleep] hot.
92
00:04:31,530 --> 00:04:33,530
How much [bleep] car exhaust
do we have to inhale
93
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:34,870
before this [bleep] damn
drug dealer
94
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,370
wakes his ass up
and starts dealin'?
95
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,110
Let's go home.
96
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,910
I don't know.
97
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:46,950
- [bleep] Let's go.
- We can go?
98
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,020
Yeah, get your stuff,
let's get out of here.
99
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,420
Hey, man,
do you have some smoke?
100
00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:54,490
- Oh, hey, ladies.
- You got a smoke or anything?
101
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,160
- You got, uh, you got smokes?
- Yeah.
102
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,760
You want, uh,
you want a smoke, huh?
103
00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:00,900
- Yeah.
- Groovy dreads.
104
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,700
Oh, th-thanks, thank you.
105
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:08,600
- Your hair is wild.
- Yeah, well, it's, um, yeah.
106
00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:11,770
That accent is trippy, man,
where you from?
107
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:14,840
Well, I'm, uh,
I'm from Jamaica, Kingston.
108
00:05:14,910 --> 00:05:16,510
- Yeah
- Jamaica man.
109
00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:18,680
- I'm from Utah.
- Wow, really?
110
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,980
- Yeah.
- It's really hot there, right?
111
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,880
- Yeah.
- Um, in Utah?
112
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:25,120
No, it's, it's about a mile up
113
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:27,890
so it, uh, never really gets
above seventy-five.
114
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:28,960
Wow.
115
00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:37,670
Okay, did anybody else
in here see what happened?
116
00:05:37,730 --> 00:05:39,500
There's a girl in the bathroom.
117
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,300
The next time somethin'
like this happen...
118
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:45,410
And there will be
a next time...
119
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,740
Before you call me,
ask yourself, huh?
120
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:50,580
"I'm dressed like a trick
121
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:54,680
I'm in a filthy,
disgustin' rat hole...
122
00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:56,650
'What did I expect to happen?'
123
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:58,390
Huh?
124
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,290
Whoa!
125
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,490
- Ho!
- Just shut up.
126
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,230
- Whoa.
- Okay, okay, okay.
127
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,700
Surprise,
you found out my secret, okay?
128
00:06:12,770 --> 00:06:14,400
Are you happy? Are you happy?
129
00:06:14,470 --> 00:06:17,000
Yes, I work in a rat [bleep]
alright?
130
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:19,170
But I need the money.
131
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,310
So go blab it all over the whole
[bleep] station, I don't care!
132
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:24,780
Why do you automatically assume
Raineesha gonna say somethin'?
133
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:26,850
Because you always
say something.
134
00:06:26,910 --> 00:06:30,350
Okay, that's true, but, but,
but I'm tellin' you
135
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:32,490
I'm givin' you my word
that I'm not.
136
00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:34,960
Do you remember when you saw me
coming out of La Clinica
137
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,360
and you didn't tell nobody?
138
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,390
- 'Okay.'
- How can I forget about that?
139
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:40,730
How much you make?
140
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,570
Uh, I walk with about $300
a night
141
00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:46,570
you know, $500
if there's a convention.
142
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,000
Senorita!
143
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:52,340
Eh-yi-yi-yi! Yi-yi-yi!
Yi-yi-yi!
144
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,640
Uh...
145
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,890
♪ I don't know ♪♪
146
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,990
- '[bleep].'
- Pig.
147
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:17,800
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-bow ♪
148
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:20,670
♪ Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo ♪
149
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:24,240
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo doo ♪
150
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:27,340
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
ba-boo boo-doo-doo ♪
151
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:30,310
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
ba-boo doo-doo ♪
152
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:33,450
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo doo ♪
153
00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,450
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo ♪
doo-doo-doo ♪
154
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,580
♪ Haa ♪
155
00:07:36,650 --> 00:07:38,550
♪ Rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
156
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:39,920
♪ Ahh ♪
157
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,590
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
158
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:42,920
♪ Chsss ♪
159
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,660
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
160
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,060
♪ Zwww ♪
♪ Boww ♪
161
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:47,830
♪ Rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
162
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,060
♪ Pow ♪
♪ Chss ♪
163
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,870
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
164
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:53,170
♪ Bow ♪♪
♪ Trrrr ♪♪
165
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,840
How much time did that kill?
166
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,270
About an hour.
167
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:07,680
- Man--
- 'Oh, no.'
168
00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:09,920
Hey, hey, can we talk
to him for a second?
169
00:08:09,980 --> 00:08:11,850
- 'Hey, Keith.'
- How you doin' tonight, Keith?
170
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,320
'You alright?'
171
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:15,620
(Jim)
'Oh, man,
they got you good, huh?'
172
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:16,960
- Yeah.
- 'Oh, Jeez.'
173
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,530
- Was it the...
- Same guys from last time?
174
00:08:19,590 --> 00:08:20,800
No, it was a different group.
175
00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:22,160
- "Different group?"
- Alright.
176
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:24,070
One had a gun,
and the other one had the bat.
177
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,570
- Two fellas?
- Yeah.
178
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,300
And there was a third
that wasn't carryin' anythin'.
179
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:28,670
Two, three fellows.
180
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,610
- Three fellows.
- 'Okay.'
181
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,570
And then what-- So, they
hit you with the bat, or...
182
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,980
Oh, they never...
Uh, I'm gonna...
183
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:38,410
They put a hot dog up...
184
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,780
- They put a hot dog where?
- Up my butt.
185
00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,180
They put a hot dog...
186
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,290
Was it hot at the time,
or was it not cooked yet?
187
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:46,320
It was hot.
188
00:08:46,390 --> 00:08:49,060
Did the hot dog
have anythin' on it?
189
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,560
Was it just a plain hot dog?
190
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,730
Just hot-dog grease,
you know, 'cause it had
191
00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:54,430
just come off the cooker
and it was...
192
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,330
- Piping hot, piping hot,
- Pipin' hot.
193
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,670
They said they really liked me,
and they just wanted me to...
194
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,670
- Be a hot-dog cowboy.
- Right.
195
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,100
Somethin' about you
behind that counter
196
00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:03,870
seems to just set men on fire.
197
00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:05,670
- Seems like they just...
- Oh, you're...
198
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,340
Oh, you're-you're rape bait,
Keith.
199
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,540
Those-those two guys--
200
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:11,610
One of them,
one of them said that.
201
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,010
- "Rape bait?"
- Yeah.
202
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,280
I hate to agree with them,
but I kind of do.
203
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:16,680
You're doing
somethin' right here.
204
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,690
Keith, you get
rape rookies in here.
205
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,790
You know how odd that is?
You know how rare that is?
206
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,820
In a weird way, man...
Hey! Badge of honor.
207
00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:26,390
Badge-- People who never,
ever raped a clerk
208
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:29,130
say, "I'm gonna break it
in on Keith."
209
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,300
I got to balance my register.
210
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,030
I never really worked one
of these things before.
211
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,340
We're going the wrong way,
I think.
212
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,840
'Spin him.'
213
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,640
- Aah!
- Sorry, Keith.
214
00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:40,040
- Aah!
- [bleep] sorry.
215
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,410
Are we going
the wrong way or no?
216
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,110
'We got to do
a pooper check on Keith.'
217
00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:44,780
'Do you have any kind
of long tongs?'
218
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:48,750
- Hey, hey!
- [bleep] [bleep] [bleep].
219
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,380
You gonna stay put
or what, buddy?
220
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:52,790
- [bleep].
- Ah [bleep].
221
00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,190
Somebody should get up
[bleep] there.
222
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,860
Keith?
223
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,460
Oh, [bleep].
224
00:09:58,530 --> 00:09:59,830
We're gonna have
to do it here, buddy.
225
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,760
- Joe, Joe.
- We're gonna pull the--
226
00:10:01,830 --> 00:10:03,560
Can you give us
a little bit of privacy?
227
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:05,170
Yeah, a little bit of...
228
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,300
Shine them up real good.
229
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,010
I think it's time
for my homemade brownies.
230
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,540
Aphrodite makes
the best brownies ever.
231
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:20,280
Oh, no. No, you didn't.
No, you didn't.
232
00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:22,450
Oh, I'm gonna take a...
233
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,550
- I ate the whole thing at once.
- Mmm.
234
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,220
If we gave these brownies out to
everybody right, it'd be like...
235
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:35,630
- Whoo!
- Pretty good.
236
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,570
Alright, well, at this point
237
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,380
we were supposed to watch
a driver-safety film
238
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,610
entitled "Blood on the Highway"
239
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,310
by the Department
of Transportation Safety Board
240
00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:53,810
'but you all have been
pretty good'
241
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,820
so I brought in another film
242
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,020
about highway safety
and law enforcement
243
00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:03,420
a little picture called...
"Smokey and the Bandit."
244
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:05,230
'No talking during "Smokey
and the Bandit," if you talk'
245
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,160
'that will be one point
on your driver's license'
246
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:08,630
and there will be a test.
247
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,800
Reno, this is 14-David-21.
We are on the scene.
248
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,210
Sheriff's Department!
249
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,110
- You call 911?
- Yes, I did.
250
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,310
What's the problem, sir?
251
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:25,010
I think you're gonna be very
pleased with me
252
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,080
when I tell you what it is.
Oh, hello.
253
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:30,790
I have compiled a list of 500--
254
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:34,690
I got 500 cars that have run
the stop sign right here.
255
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,060
Ah, don't bother to thank me,
I've got it right here.
256
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:41,100
You've made
a, a citizen's arrest
257
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,730
or just a citizen's list?
258
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,070
It's a citizen's list
259
00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:47,170
which I hope to become
an arrest with your help.
260
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:49,640
Ah, I got some here
that are very interesting.
261
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,840
Most of the plates are Nevada
262
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,410
which, I think,
because we're in Nevada.
263
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,540
- Adds up.
- It makes sense.
264
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:59,780
I got-- We don't have Indiana.
265
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,750
Look at this,
I got here this one...
266
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:04,290
A black-and-white police car
ran that light.
267
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:08,220
Its-- I got
the license here 8-3-7-5-2.
268
00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:09,360
It's Rhode Island.
269
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:10,990
'Yeah, we're,
we're allowed to do that.'
270
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:12,330
- Oh, that's you?
- Yeah.
271
00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:14,830
Look at this, this is
an ambulance ran the light here.
272
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,700
Okay, they can,
they get to do that, too.
273
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,700
- They can?
- Oh, yeah.
274
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,900
Anything that goes,
whoo-whoo-whoo.
275
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:22,100
Now, let me ask you this
276
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:25,470
if you guys drive your own cars
when you're off duty
277
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:28,780
and you go through that light,
can you arrest yourself then?
278
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:34,980
Oh, hell,
I got to take this. Yeah?
279
00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:37,020
What's it say there
on the invisible radio?
280
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,250
Uh-huh.
281
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,820
We should really get to that,
don't you think?
282
00:12:39,890 --> 00:12:42,160
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
283
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,460
My Wonder Woman radio was going
off, so we should probably--
284
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,600
- Why don't we take this?
- We'll take that.
285
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:50,230
And we will put it
in the file.
286
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,700
Oh, okay.
287
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:54,370
Well, do you need my name
or social security number?
288
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,740
We know it.
289
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,510
'Do you have a private
extension, if I call again?'
290
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,470
Yes, we do.
291
00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:03,040
It's 1-800-eat-[bleep]
292
00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:04,880
(male #2)
1-800-8-10.
293
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,850
- 'No.'
- 'That's not enough numbers.'
294
00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:18,290
Major bummer, Jeff.
295
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,000
I don't study
for my geometry final today.
296
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:23,230
I'm, like, totally gonna fail.
297
00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:26,270
Take a chill pill, Susie.
298
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,740
Watch and learn.
299
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:33,270
9-1-1, I'd like to report
a bomb threat.
300
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,010
Thanks, Jeff.
301
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,610
You're da bomb.
302
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:39,850
Time out, Jeff.
303
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:42,580
Stop, drop and think.
304
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:45,050
Every fake bomb threat
you call in
305
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,590
keeps us from stopping
306
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:49,520
the hundreds of...real bombs
307
00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:51,460
set to blow up in Reno
308
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:54,090
all the time, every day.
309
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,200
Gee, deputy,
I didn't think of that.
310
00:13:57,260 --> 00:13:59,570
One thing I've learned...
311
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,000
[in unison]
Bomb threats aren't da bomb.
312
00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:04,410
That's right.
313
00:14:04,470 --> 00:14:07,070
And this is Deputy Williams.
314
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:10,340
Keepin' it real. Real safe.
315
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,520
(Travis)
'Alright, 28.'
316
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,650
What was the Bandit's
317
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,590
license-plate number?
318
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:23,920
And it ain't "Bandit."
319
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:26,160
A lot of people get wrong, lot
of people think it's "Bandit."
320
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,800
It ain't "Bandit."
321
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:31,230
'Alright, final question here.'
322
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,570
What color
323
00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:35,370
were Sally Field's shorts?
324
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:40,740
Can you make
that noise doing this?
325
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,910
- Yeah.
- It takes me a while.
326
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:46,480
- Hold on, let me pull over.
- Oh, we're in a school zone.
327
00:14:46,550 --> 00:14:47,980
That's okay.
328
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:55,460
It doesn't smell
when you do that.
329
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,960
I know, that's weird.
330
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,600
- Does yours?
- Gosh, you're better-- No.
331
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:03,800
[laughs]
No, it doesn't.
332
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,570
Mine smells a little
like Cheetos.
333
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:07,170
Oh.
334
00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:08,940
Yeah, I smell that,
I smell that.
335
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,600
That's 'cause I just farted.
336
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:18,680
Oh, sweet Lord. Almighty.
337
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,380
Hey, do you think...
Do you think this is where...
338
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:24,520
'They don't even notice us.'
339
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,520
(Jim)
'Hey, ho, ho, ho!'
340
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:30,260
- Stinky, stinky, stinky.
- Holy tamale!
341
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,760
Guess why we're here.
342
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:34,660
Uh, we were, uh, we were--
343
00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:36,000
'Because you can hear'
344
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:39,070
your crappy band six miles away.
345
00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:42,340
And... Just-just
constructive criticism...
346
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,670
- You sound awful, by the way.
- Very bad.
347
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,440
You really, really sound bad.
348
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:47,910
Really bad.
349
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,440
My God, that's really nice.
350
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:52,080
Is this yours?
351
00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:53,080
We borrowed that one.
352
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,320
Hey, Joe, you play the drums
a little bit, don't you?
353
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:03,060
'Yeah, I love to play drums.'
354
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:07,330
(Jim)
'Clemmy, we're gonna
need some backup.'
355
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,170
Anyway, I'm hoping that you...
You break your celibacy for me.
356
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,870
(female #1)
'Oh. Well, I mean,
I-I would consider it.'
357
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,770
Oh, careful.
358
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,910
I wanna send in
some white light.
359
00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:24,410
You know? Bring in the white
light into the energy field.
360
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,380
- So... And, yeah.
- Thank God. Yeah.
361
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:27,650
I was only doin' it, like
362
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,820
to protest the war and stuff,
but, I mean...
363
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,720
- Maybe if I just...
- Yeah, I can sort of feel that.
364
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,150
- You know...
- Yeah.
365
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,320
'Cause I think the troops
are movin' out anyway.
366
00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:37,930
Hey, Buddy, do you mind, um...
367
00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:38,960
Sorry, excuse me. Lemme, uh--
368
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,160
That's okay,
we'll just wait here.
369
00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:42,760
(Jones)
'Talk to him real quick.'
370
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,160
'Yeah, peace.'
371
00:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,500
(female #1)
'Take your time.'
372
00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:48,400
Hey, dude.
373
00:16:50,470 --> 00:16:51,810
Whoo, it feels good.
374
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:53,240
Yeah.
375
00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:54,780
What have we been doing
all our lives, man?
376
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,380
- Nothing, man.
- Risking our necks for...what?
377
00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:00,950
I haven't had a beautiful woman
touch me in 15 years, man.
378
00:17:01,010 --> 00:17:02,780
I'm done, let's-let's call it.
379
00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,750
This is it, this is it,
let's quit.
380
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:06,550
- Bye-bye, Reno.
- You're Buddy, I'm Kyle.
381
00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:07,620
[chuckles]
Alright, Kyle.
382
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,830
Oh, [bleep] [bleep].
383
00:17:11,890 --> 00:17:16,230
That's him, man, [bleep].
[bleep] That's One-eyed Jack.
384
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,230
- 'Hey, freeze!'
- 'Freeze! Freeze!'
385
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,370
(Jones)
'Freeze! Sheriff's Department!'
386
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,140
- '[bleep]'
- 'What was I thinking?'
387
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,840
What the hell was I thinking?
I love being a cop, man!
388
00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:35,250
- Go on, baby.
- Go on.
389
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,990
I thought there used
to be school.
390
00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:39,620
- I thought children used--
- No. Not anymore.
391
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:41,590
- Apparently not anymore.
- No.
392
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,590
- Apparently not anymore.
- No.
393
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:46,760
Now we drive around,
and they play Grand Theft Auto
394
00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:50,360
and they get on the crack pipe
at four
395
00:17:50,430 --> 00:17:53,230
and they're working for Walmart.
396
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,400
Mama's in the basement
doin' phone sex for--
397
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:57,000
- Phone sex.
- Eight bucks an hour.
398
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,070
Or cookin' meth.
399
00:17:58,140 --> 00:17:59,770
Dad's in the garage
cooking up meth
400
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,940
calling some other woman
on the damn phone sex.
401
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:03,280
In some other basement...
402
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,550
...coming down off of meth.
403
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:09,280
A web of [bleep] evil.
404
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,020
It's the worst country
in the world.
405
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,060
I made up a word game.
406
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,430
I don't really wanna play.
407
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,560
Okay, I'll play by myself.
408
00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:25,170
No, what's your game?
409
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,200
Green.
410
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,300
Fun.
411
00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:31,570
Tack.
412
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,340
Blue.
413
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:36,040
Ways to annoy the partner
who's driving?
414
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:40,010
- Yeah.
- Ah. Bingo.
415
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,280
No, it's not Bingo.
It's a word game.
416
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:50,860
Responding to a 9-1-1
suicide attempt.
417
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,360
We got a jumper on the building.
418
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:55,230
- Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Hold on!
- Hey, hey, hey!
419
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,660
What the hell are you doin'
up here, sir?
420
00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,100
I'm BASE jumping, baby.
421
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:01,840
I got my mind set now
on the PBJs, baby.
422
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,670
Oh, well, you know what,
we got our mind set
423
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,040
on you coming off
this roof with us.
424
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,310
- Oh, no. This is nothin'.
- Okay?
425
00:19:07,370 --> 00:19:10,080
I-I've jumped off
the-the Needle, the Sears Tower
426
00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:12,310
the Frank Lloyd Wright House
in Highland Park, Illinois.
427
00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:14,620
'It's a ranch house,
but it was a start.'
428
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,480
And now I'm ready to rock
this building, baby.
429
00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:18,020
- Let's do it, let's do it!
- No, no, no.
430
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,350
- Ho, ho, ho!
- No, no, no. No.
431
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:21,420
- You want me to get down?
- I want you to get down--
432
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:22,890
- 'Then, let's do it, baby!'
- No, no--
433
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,060
- Whoo!
- Ho, ho!
434
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,160
- No, no! Ho!
- H-ho! Hey!
435
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:28,360
- Oh, God.
- Ho, ho!
436
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:34,800
[bleep]. Holy [bleep]. Holy
[bleep]. Holy-- We need backup.
437
00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:36,570
Eleven-Charlie-Reno.
438
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,940
We got one, uh...
439
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,710
...DWG, Dead White Guy.
440
00:19:58,290 --> 00:20:02,360
♪ So this ain't the end
I saw you again ♪
441
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:03,730
♪ Today ♪
442
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,370
♪ I had to hide my heart away ♪
443
00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:08,700
♪ Uh huh ♪
444
00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:10,140
♪ You smiled like the sun ♪
445
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,670
♪ Kisses for everyone ♪
446
00:20:13,740 --> 00:20:14,880
♪ And tales ♪
447
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:18,250
♪ It never fails ♪
448
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:21,920
♪ I'm lying so low
in the weeds ♪
449
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,950
♪ Bet you gonna ambush me ♪
450
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:29,990
♪ You have me down down down
down on my knees ♪
451
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:33,360
♪ Barracuda ♪
452
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,860
♪ Oh ohhh ♪♪
453
00:20:43,970 --> 00:20:45,440
- Yeah, but we gotta study it.
- We gotta...
454
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,810
We gotta get it
while it's fresh.
455
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,240
By the time it comes out natural
456
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:50,240
these boys could be all
the way in California.
457
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:51,910
Yeah, if we can't check it
for prints
458
00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:53,580
if we can't check for trauma
459
00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:55,450
you're painting us
into a corner.
460
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,380
We'll find a quiet spot
in the parking lot out there.
461
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,450
We'll try and get it out,
we'll get you on your way.
462
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,860
- And you'll be good, okay?
- Yeah, now...
463
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,190
You was facing one way.
464
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:04,730
- Yeah.
- Hotdog man was behind you.
465
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:05,760
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
466
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:07,830
Are you sure
it was just one hot dog?
467
00:21:07,890 --> 00:21:09,530
It was a foot long,
but it was just one.
468
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,600
Foot long.
31971
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