Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,949 --> 00:00:07,215
(music) Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:11,223
(music) Traveled down the road and back again
3
00:00:11,291 --> 00:00:12,690
(music) Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:16,718
(music) You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:17,698 --> 00:00:21,691
(music) And if you threw a party
6
00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:24,396
(music) Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:30,042
(music) You would see
The biggest gift would be from me
8
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:33,375
(music) And the card attached would say
9
00:00:33,447 --> 00:00:39,443
(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)
10
00:00:56,503 --> 00:00:59,370
Hi, Sophia. Ooh, what you making?
11
00:00:59,439 --> 00:01:00,872
Lasagna al forno.
12
00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:02,306
Smells delicious.
13
00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:04,708
Yeah. My great Aunt Nicolinda
used to say,
14
00:01:04,778 --> 00:01:08,111
"Making lasagna al forno
is like crossing a river.
15
00:01:08,181 --> 00:01:10,706
"If you roll up your pants,
don’t be surprised
16
00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:14,379
if you find clams
nipping at your heels."
17
00:01:14,454 --> 00:01:17,014
- What’d she mean?
- How should I know?
18
00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:20,059
She was a hopeless alcoholic.
19
00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:22,061
- Here. Have a taste.
- Ooh.
20
00:01:22,129 --> 00:01:25,326
Hi, girls. How did
the audition for the play go?
21
00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:28,891
Awful. We just got two tiny parts.
22
00:01:28,969 --> 00:01:30,903
We’re doing Sound of Music,
23
00:01:30,971 --> 00:01:33,132
and Blanche didn’t get the lead.
24
00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:36,232
I can’t believe you
weren’t cast in the lead.
25
00:01:36,309 --> 00:01:38,573
You’ve gotten it the past five years.
26
00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:42,206
They hired a new director,
and he has no taste.
27
00:01:42,282 --> 00:01:45,217
Blanche used to sleep with the old one.
28
00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:49,752
The new director’s gay.
29
00:01:49,823 --> 00:01:54,089
A gay theater director.
Did you ever hear of such a thing?
30
00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:56,456
It’s absolutely shocking.
31
00:01:56,530 --> 00:02:01,058
Next thing you know they’ll have
black basketball players in the NBA.
32
00:02:02,068 --> 00:02:05,003
Ma, you are making lasagna al forno.
33
00:02:05,071 --> 00:02:07,164
What is the occasion?
34
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,334
There’s no occasion.
I just know it’s your favorite.
35
00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:12,002
- [Doorbell rings]
- I'll get it.
36
00:02:12,078 --> 00:02:15,343
This takes 12 hours to make.
What do you want?
37
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:17,906
Nothing. And it takes 16.
38
00:02:17,984 --> 00:02:22,421
The only time you make lasagna al forno
is for funerals and favors.
39
00:02:22,489 --> 00:02:25,049
You’re not wearing black,
so what do you want?
40
00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:27,491
Nothing. Dorothy, you’re a sick,
41
00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:29,586
suspicious, paranoid person.
42
00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:34,295
Stan, my favorite ex-son-in-law.
43
00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:38,929
Oh! God! Stanley,
what the hell are you doing here?
44
00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:41,530
Don’t talk to him like that.
I invited him.
45
00:02:41,608 --> 00:02:43,667
- What?
- I love your toupee, Stanley.
46
00:02:43,743 --> 00:02:45,176
- Is it new?
- Yeah.
47
00:02:45,245 --> 00:02:48,612
The guy at the shop calls it
the Dan Rather model.
48
00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:50,946
You think it makes me
look more intellectual?
49
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:54,714
Oh, absolutely. By the way,
Stanley, your fly is open.
50
00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:03,660
- I'm so embarrassed.
- Don’t worry about it.
51
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:07,530
I hear that Dan Rather
has the same problem.
52
00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:10,729
That’s why he sits behind a desk.
53
00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:13,034
Ma, listen, I want some answers.
54
00:03:13,106 --> 00:03:16,337
Now, why did you prepare
my favorite meal
55
00:03:16,409 --> 00:03:18,673
and then invite my least favorite person
56
00:03:18,745 --> 00:03:20,736
to come eat it with us?
57
00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:23,442
All right. All right. I need a favor.
58
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:26,645
Remember my brother Angelo?
He was at your wedding.
59
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,881
He’s a priest who lives in Sicily.
60
00:03:28,955 --> 00:03:31,219
He’s going to Brooklyn next week
61
00:03:31,291 --> 00:03:34,522
and insisted on stopping off
in Miami one day
62
00:03:34,594 --> 00:03:37,654
to wish you two
a happy 40th wedding anniversary.
63
00:03:37,731 --> 00:03:39,790
But we’re not married anymore.
64
00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:43,996
Which brings me to the lasagna al forno.
65
00:03:44,070 --> 00:03:46,698
I want you to pretend
you’re still married
66
00:03:46,773 --> 00:03:48,764
and that we’re all living here.
67
00:03:48,842 --> 00:03:52,801
I will not take part.
The institution of marriage is sacred.
68
00:03:52,879 --> 00:03:54,847
- I’ll give you 50 bucks.
- Okay.
69
00:03:56,983 --> 00:03:59,076
Dorothy, it’s only for one afternoon.
70
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:01,746
It’ll break your uncle’s heart
if you’re divorced.
71
00:04:01,821 --> 00:04:05,382
Ma, forget it. We’re divorced
because Stanley cheated on me.
72
00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:07,653
He is a loathsome, repulsive creature.
73
00:04:07,727 --> 00:04:11,458
Even the thought of pretending
to be married makes me ill.
74
00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:14,796
Fine, but I'm still staying for dinner.
75
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:17,860
If you don’t do this,
I'll never speak to you again.
76
00:04:17,938 --> 00:04:21,430
- I don’t care.
- I’ll invite Stan over every night.
77
00:04:21,508 --> 00:04:24,602
How bad can it be?
It’s just for the day.
78
00:04:32,252 --> 00:04:34,584
Blanche, I just pressed our costumes.
79
00:04:34,654 --> 00:04:37,020
I’m nervous about the rehearsal tonight.
80
00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:39,752
What do you say we go
over our lines again.
81
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:40,815
Sure.
82
00:04:40,894 --> 00:04:43,829
Can we take it from the top
of scene three?
83
00:04:43,897 --> 00:04:46,889
I’m standing on the balcony
of the von Trapp home
84
00:04:46,967 --> 00:04:49,765
listening to artillery shells
bursting in the distance,
85
00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:51,997
and you come running on from upstage.
86
00:04:52,072 --> 00:04:54,404
- Okay. You ready?
- Yes.
87
00:04:54,474 --> 00:04:57,705
The Nazis are coming!
The Nazis are coming!
88
00:04:57,777 --> 00:05:00,371
Everybody, grab a gun
and go in the basement!
89
00:05:00,447 --> 00:05:02,347
Come on!
90
00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:03,609
Move.
91
00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,651
No, no, no, no.
92
00:05:08,588 --> 00:05:10,146
Sophia, now, just relax.
93
00:05:10,223 --> 00:05:13,386
We’re just going over our lines
for The Sound of Music.
94
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,894
Oh, thank God.
95
00:05:15,962 --> 00:05:18,726
Whooo, it is really coming down.
96
00:05:18,798 --> 00:05:20,288
What’s coming down?
97
00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:27,165
The Liberace marquee at Caesar’s Palace.
98
00:05:28,508 --> 00:05:30,635
Rain! Rain, Rose!
99
00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:32,337
Where is that idiot Stan?
100
00:05:32,412 --> 00:05:34,403
Angelo will be here any minute.
101
00:05:34,481 --> 00:05:37,075
I don’t know where he is.
Stan’s always late.
102
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:39,084
He was late for our first date.
103
00:05:39,152 --> 00:05:41,347
And then you were late.
104
00:05:41,421 --> 00:05:43,013
[Doorbell rings]
105
00:05:44,624 --> 00:05:48,651
Which is why you had to marry
that stupid, lazy, no-good,
106
00:05:48,728 --> 00:05:50,457
pinhead of a... prince.
107
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:53,465
This man is a prince. Come in, Stan.
108
00:05:53,533 --> 00:05:55,125
I’m sorry I’m late.
109
00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:58,136
The rain really tied up the traffic.
Hi, girls.
110
00:05:58,204 --> 00:05:59,296
- Hi.
- Hi.
111
00:05:59,372 --> 00:06:00,634
Hello, Mama Bear.
112
00:06:04,377 --> 00:06:07,039
Papa Bear’s back in the cave.
113
00:06:07,113 --> 00:06:10,412
I could vomit just looking at you.
114
00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,181
[Doorbell rings]
115
00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:16,916
That must be Angelo.
You two go put the back.
116
00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:20,323
He can’t see you here. Go ahead. Go. Go.
117
00:06:22,162 --> 00:06:23,459
Angelo!
118
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:24,997
Sophia!
119
00:06:25,065 --> 00:06:27,431
You look terrific.
120
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,594
You haven’t changed a bit in 40 years.
121
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,968
Angelo, you’re a priest.
You shouldn’t lie.
122
00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:35,473
Don’t worry about it.
Don’t worry about it.
123
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:39,205
Before the trip,
I said an extra 50 Hail Marys
124
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,270
in case I felt like a-cutting a-loose.
125
00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:44,810
Dorothy!
126
00:06:44,884 --> 00:06:48,786
Uncle Angelo, it is so good to see you.
127
00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:51,483
Dorothy, you know something?
128
00:06:51,558 --> 00:06:53,492
You look more beautiful now
129
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,494
than you did on your wedding day.
130
00:06:55,562 --> 00:06:58,759
You just used up
all 50 Hail Marys on that one.
131
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:03,826
Stanley, you’re still a funny guy.
132
00:07:03,903 --> 00:07:06,531
You got a sense of humor still, huh?
133
00:07:06,606 --> 00:07:08,540
He still make you laugh?
134
00:07:08,608 --> 00:07:12,806
Not really. But then again,
I haven’t seen him naked lately.
135
00:07:18,351 --> 00:07:21,684
Would you listen to those two.
Always with the quips.
136
00:07:21,755 --> 00:07:24,087
So, tell me, how are the children?
137
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:26,523
Oh, Uncle Angelo, they’re all grown up.
138
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:27,651
How nice.
139
00:07:27,727 --> 00:07:29,854
Kate is an interior decorator
in New York,
140
00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:32,591
and Michael
is a very successful musician.
141
00:07:32,665 --> 00:07:35,600
Michael didn’t want go
in the novelty business with me.
142
00:07:35,668 --> 00:07:37,898
Yes. It was a crushing blow
143
00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:41,134
when he decided to join
the Boston Philharmonic
144
00:07:41,207 --> 00:07:44,938
instead of selling
rubber dog poop door-to-door.
145
00:07:48,748 --> 00:07:51,046
Don’t knock
the novelty business, snookums.
146
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:54,780
Rubber dog poop and joy buzzers
provided nicely for you, the kids...
147
00:07:54,854 --> 00:07:57,118
And several stewardesses.
148
00:07:58,792 --> 00:07:59,952
Stewardesses?
149
00:08:00,026 --> 00:08:02,256
Uh, they adopted them.
150
00:08:02,328 --> 00:08:05,855
After Asian babies,
they’re the most popular.
151
00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:09,129
Ma, could I please
see you in the kitchen?
152
00:08:12,806 --> 00:08:14,239
Hurry back, Mama Bear.
153
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:17,333
Papa Bear gets lonely without you.
154
00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:18,707
Ow!
155
00:08:23,016 --> 00:08:25,007
Things are going very nicely.
156
00:08:25,084 --> 00:08:27,814
I am going to tell
Uncle Angelo the truth.
157
00:08:27,887 --> 00:08:30,515
It’s only for a couple of hours more.
158
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:34,321
I can’t do it. Pretending we’re married,
acting as though nothing happened
159
00:08:34,394 --> 00:08:35,452
is making me crazy.
160
00:08:35,528 --> 00:08:38,122
It’s time to take my heart medicine.
161
00:08:38,198 --> 00:08:40,189
You need water to take your pill?
162
00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:43,201
No pills. I’ll take a shpt
of Scotch, 12 years old,
163
00:08:43,269 --> 00:08:45,066
if you’ve got it.
164
00:08:45,138 --> 00:08:47,936
Uncle Angelo,
I have a confession to make.
165
00:08:48,007 --> 00:08:51,408
Good. I get my Scotch,
and we go in the closet.
166
00:08:52,645 --> 00:08:54,738
No, it’s about Stan and me.
167
00:08:54,814 --> 00:08:57,078
You know something, Dorothy?
168
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,118
On your wedding day,
169
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:03,019
Sophia told me, she said
your marriage is never gonna last.
170
00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:05,080
That made me very sad.
171
00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:09,959
And now I see you and Stan
so happy after all these years,
172
00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:13,521
it does an old man’s heart good.
173
00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:18,535
And so does-a that.
174
00:09:19,572 --> 00:09:21,164
Uncle Angelo...
175
00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:24,768
I’m so glad I disobeyed doctor’s orders
176
00:09:24,844 --> 00:09:26,778
and risked this long trip
177
00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:29,906
to see the both of you so much in love.
178
00:09:29,983 --> 00:09:31,575
Now, what were you saying?
179
00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:36,851
Uncle Angelo, I wanted to say...
180
00:09:38,892 --> 00:09:41,383
Well, don’t just stand there, Papa Bear.
181
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:45,124
Come give Mama Bear a big bear hug.
182
00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:55,541
Can I get you another slice of cake,
Uncle Angelo?
183
00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:58,338
- No, thank you.
- I’ll take a slice, darling.
184
00:09:58,411 --> 00:10:00,743
No problem, sweetheart.
185
00:10:00,813 --> 00:10:02,337
Hurry back, dumpling.
186
00:10:02,415 --> 00:10:05,748
My feet have wings, barf bag.
187
00:10:11,057 --> 00:10:13,252
Dorothy, please, hang in there.
188
00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:16,887
A little while longer,
Angelo will be on a plane for Brooklyn.
189
00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:19,488
I wish I'd taken my raincoat.
190
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:26,668
Why are you two dressed like that?
191
00:10:26,739 --> 00:10:29,731
These are our costumes
for the play, Dorothy.
192
00:10:29,809 --> 00:10:33,006
We were in the middle of rehearsal
when they told us to go home.
193
00:10:33,079 --> 00:10:35,411
There’s a hurricane heading for Miami.
194
00:10:35,481 --> 00:10:37,540
I will take a slice of cake.
195
00:10:37,617 --> 00:10:38,845
Hello.
196
00:10:38,918 --> 00:10:41,148
Uncle Angelo, I’d, uh,
197
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:43,950
like you to meet, uh... uh...
198
00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:45,581
I’m Sister Rose.
199
00:10:45,658 --> 00:10:47,819
How do you do? Nice to meet you.
200
00:10:47,894 --> 00:10:50,385
- I’m Sister Blanche.
- Glad to meet you.
201
00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:53,626
We’re here, uh, collecting...
202
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:56,567
lingerie...
203
00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:58,467
for needy sexy people.
204
00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:06,639
The airports are closed.
There’s a hurricane headed this way.
205
00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:08,874
They want everyone
to stay where they are.
206
00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:11,508
That means we could be
trapped together for days.
207
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,711
Oh, Jesus!
208
00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:19,456
Please protect us and watch over us
209
00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:21,516
in this our hour of need.
210
00:11:21,594 --> 00:11:22,925
Amen.
211
00:11:40,313 --> 00:11:43,407
Boy, it’s really coming down put there.
212
00:11:43,483 --> 00:11:45,747
I've never been through
a hurricane before.
213
00:11:45,818 --> 00:11:48,981
There’s nothing to be afraid of.
I’ve been through hurricanes.
214
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:51,216
Actually, they could be kind of fun.
215
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:54,748
I remember one when I was married.
216
00:11:59,632 --> 00:12:01,827
- Married?
- Mary.
217
00:12:03,836 --> 00:12:06,600
I was Mary in the Christmas
pageant at the convent.
218
00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:08,196
Remember that, Sister Rose?
219
00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:10,936
Oh, my, yes.
Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
220
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:14,707
She’d have to be to make anyone
believe she was a virgin.
221
00:12:20,453 --> 00:12:23,616
Stanley, you’re a pig in a cheap suit.
222
00:12:25,725 --> 00:12:29,991
- You know, for two cents...
- You could get a better toupee?
223
00:12:31,431 --> 00:12:34,662
I’ve had enough.
I’m not going on with this anymore.
224
00:12:34,734 --> 00:12:38,261
Angelo, look. St. Francis of Assisi.
225
00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:48,138
Shut up and play ball, you yutz.
226
00:12:48,214 --> 00:12:52,548
False alarm. Never mind.
Let’s all go to bed.
227
00:12:52,618 --> 00:12:54,643
Angelo, you can sleep in my room.
228
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,654
Well, won’t it be crowded?
229
00:12:56,722 --> 00:12:59,282
Please. In Sicily,
we slept four in a bed.
230
00:12:59,358 --> 00:13:01,519
Yeah, but there’s six of us.
231
00:13:01,594 --> 00:13:03,528
I meant just you and me.
232
00:13:03,596 --> 00:13:06,429
Oh-hp! Fancy.
233
00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:09,093
[Dorothy] Oh, come on.
Let’s go to bed.
234
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:10,795
Yeah. I’m beat.
235
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,667
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
236
00:13:12,738 --> 00:13:14,501
Me, too.
237
00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:22,774
- [Stan] Ow!
- [Door slams]
238
00:13:33,192 --> 00:13:35,251
[Knocking]
239
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:36,795
Who is it?
240
00:13:36,863 --> 00:13:38,854
It’s Uncle Angelo.
241
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:42,800
Come in.
242
00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:45,904
Dorothy, would you do me a favor?
243
00:13:45,972 --> 00:13:48,497
Oh, of course, Uncle Angelo. Anything.
244
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:51,668
I want you to sleep with this man.
245
00:13:52,778 --> 00:13:55,042
Forget it.
246
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:58,413
Please, I’m a-begging you
as a man of the cloth.
247
00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:03,746
Now I know how Jessica Hahn
must have felt.
248
00:14:07,126 --> 00:14:10,186
Look, I’m sorry, Uncle Angelo.
We had a fight.
249
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,629
I know, and I wanna go to bed.
250
00:14:12,698 --> 00:14:14,893
So you two kids, please make up.
251
00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:17,128
Fine. Fine. We’re made up.
252
00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:20,730
Thank you. Good night. Sweet dreams.
253
00:14:22,308 --> 00:14:24,640
[Clears throat]
254
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:27,144
I know it’s been a while,
but control yourself.
255
00:14:27,213 --> 00:14:28,771
I need some rest.
256
00:14:31,184 --> 00:14:34,381
- What is that for?
- You’re not getting into this bed.
257
00:14:34,453 --> 00:14:38,583
- Where am I supposed to sleep?
- On the floor like any dog.
258
00:14:38,658 --> 00:14:42,958
Fine. Stan Zbornak doesn’t have
to beg a woman to get into bed.
259
00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:44,257
Women come to me.
260
00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:47,561
Yeah. After they get
the approval number on your MasterCard.
261
00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:53,204
- Good night.
- Oh, shut up.
262
00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:05,550
[Laughing]
263
00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:12,724
Stanley, if you’re doing what I think
you’re doing, you’re in big trouble.
264
00:15:17,563 --> 00:15:21,294
I was remembering the first time
you kicked me put of bed
265
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,460
and I had to sleep on the floor.
266
00:15:23,536 --> 00:15:27,870
Emil Zuntz's Hidden Honeymoon
Hideaway in the Poconos.
267
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:31,068
Where every cottage is April in Paris.
268
00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:33,703
And every bathroom Calcutta in July.
269
00:15:33,779 --> 00:15:35,041
[Stan laughing]
270
00:15:35,114 --> 00:15:38,675
You remember how I convinced you
to let me back in?
271
00:15:38,751 --> 00:15:39,843
No.
272
00:15:40,987 --> 00:15:43,217
(music) I've got a
273
00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:45,780
(music) Crush on you
274
00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:47,883
(music) Sweetie pie
275
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,054
(music) All the day and nighttime
276
00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:52,825
(music) Hear me sigh (music)
277
00:15:52,898 --> 00:15:56,595
Stanley Zbornak, I don’t believe
that you’re trying to charm me.
278
00:15:56,669 --> 00:15:59,331
- Is it working?
- I don’t think so.
279
00:15:59,405 --> 00:16:02,897
You leave me no choice.
I’ll have to pull put the big gun.
280
00:16:02,975 --> 00:16:07,105
You’re wasting your time, Stanley.
I’m familiar with the big gun.
281
00:16:11,717 --> 00:16:13,776
Here goes.
282
00:16:13,853 --> 00:16:16,219
(music) Embrace me
283
00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:21,556
(music) My sweet embraceable you
284
00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:24,118
(music) Embrace me
285
00:16:24,196 --> 00:16:27,324
(music) You irreplaceable you (music)
286
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,632
Dorothy! Dorothy,
I just had a terrible nightmare.
287
00:16:31,704 --> 00:16:34,332
- Ma, what was it?
- This.
288
00:16:36,242 --> 00:16:38,233
Break it up.
289
00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:41,974
Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall.
290
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:44,243
Try to climb over me, and you’ll know
291
00:16:44,317 --> 00:16:47,184
what barb wire
between your legs feels like.
292
00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:49,744
Gotcha.
293
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:52,586
Dorothy, how did this start?
294
00:16:52,658 --> 00:16:54,182
- Cole Porter?
- Gershwin.
295
00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:58,088
Thank God I came in time.
296
00:17:05,504 --> 00:17:07,870
- [Phone rings]
- I’ll get it.
297
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,407
Hello.
298
00:17:09,475 --> 00:17:11,409
Hi, Walter. How are you?
299
00:17:12,478 --> 00:17:16,244
Yeah, I feel like
a caged animal in heat, too.
300
00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:21,909
Oh! Walter, you naughty boy.
301
00:17:21,987 --> 00:17:24,353
Keep on talking.
302
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:28,192
What am I wearing?
303
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:31,593
Well, to be perfectly honest,
a nun’s outfit.
304
00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:37,735
Oh! That sounds good to me. Uh-huh.
305
00:17:37,803 --> 00:17:41,534
I’ll be over there just as soon
as this storm lets up.
306
00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:43,336
Uh-huh.
307
00:17:49,382 --> 00:17:51,509
He’s a leper.
308
00:17:57,022 --> 00:17:59,388
I’m the only one who'll touch him.
309
00:18:03,729 --> 00:18:05,321
Good morning, everyone.
310
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:07,423
- Good morning.
- I’ll make breakfast.
311
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:11,698
It’s such a shame, you two stuck here
on your 40th anniversary.
312
00:18:11,771 --> 00:18:14,934
- Stuck with us.
- Fortieth anniversary?
313
00:18:15,007 --> 00:18:17,737
Sure. Today’s the 25th, isn’t it?
314
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:19,971
Yes. Yeah, I guess it is.
315
00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:23,708
I remember when my parents
celebrated their 40th anniversary.
316
00:18:23,783 --> 00:18:25,341
They did the cutest thing.
317
00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:27,886
They renewed their marriage vows.
318
00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:30,785
You two should do that.
319
00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:34,986
You’ve got a priest right here.
It’ll be perfect.
320
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:38,257
It’s sweet. It’s romantic.
It’s spontaneous.
321
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:41,697
It’s the dumbest idea I've ever had.
322
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:43,792
I think it’s a great idea.
323
00:18:43,869 --> 00:18:45,336
- What?
- What?
324
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:48,339
Snookums, could I see you
in the living room?
325
00:18:48,407 --> 00:18:50,170
Sure.
326
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:53,734
What the hell is wrong with you?
Are you put of your mind?
327
00:18:53,813 --> 00:18:55,303
Dorothy, just hear me put.
328
00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:57,872
The last two days, you and me being here
329
00:18:57,950 --> 00:18:59,884
brought back a lot of good memories.
330
00:18:59,952 --> 00:19:03,410
Last night when you and I
were in bed together, I felt something.
331
00:19:03,489 --> 00:19:06,788
That was my mother’s knee.
332
00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:08,486
Besides that.
333
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:11,086
There was still some
of the old magic there.
334
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:14,690
Look, I know we loused
things up the last time.
335
00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:16,462
I loused things up.
336
00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:19,527
But now we have a chance
to give it another try.
337
00:19:20,272 --> 00:19:22,740
Babe, I missed you.
338
00:19:22,808 --> 00:19:24,742
I wanna go through
with the ceremony.
339
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:27,836
Then we’ll go down to city hall
and make it legal.
340
00:19:27,913 --> 00:19:29,778
- Stan...
- Dorothy, it’s fate.
341
00:19:29,849 --> 00:19:33,285
Divine intervention. The hurricane.
Us pretending we’re married.
342
00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:36,844
If God didn’t want us together,
he would never have sent a priest.
343
00:19:36,922 --> 00:19:38,446
I’m not a priest.
344
00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:42,519
Angelo, what do you mean
you’re not a priest?
345
00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:46,531
I cannot go on
with this deception any longer.
346
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,967
I can’t marry you.
I’m not a priest. I never was.
347
00:19:51,036 --> 00:19:53,470
Uncle Angelo,
what are you talking about?
348
00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:55,530
I gotta sit down.
349
00:19:57,543 --> 00:20:00,410
Let me tell you a story.
350
00:20:00,479 --> 00:20:02,470
Picture it:
351
00:20:04,183 --> 00:20:07,050
Sicily, 1914.
352
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,577
I promised our dear sainted mother
on her deathbed
353
00:20:10,656 --> 00:20:13,352
I’m-a gonna join the priesthood.
354
00:20:13,425 --> 00:20:15,893
On my way to the seminary in Palermo,
355
00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:20,694
I stop off in a local trattoria
for a glass of Chianti.
356
00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:24,293
The waitress bring drink
to the table...
357
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:25,598
is a vision.
358
00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:27,662
Luscious lips,
359
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:30,072
full bosom...
360
00:20:31,076 --> 00:20:35,604
and a behind so round, so firm,
361
00:20:35,681 --> 00:20:37,876
you got to fall down on your knees
362
00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:42,182
and cry put
at its magnificent regal beauty.
363
00:20:44,356 --> 00:20:46,017
I’m a butt man.
364
00:20:50,629 --> 00:20:54,087
Anyway, my devotion
to God doesn’t waver.
365
00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:56,293
But suddenly, the idea
366
00:20:56,368 --> 00:21:00,737
of living with a bunch of guys
in itchy robes
367
00:21:00,806 --> 00:21:03,741
doesn’t seem quite as appealing
368
00:21:03,809 --> 00:21:05,572
as that tuckus.
369
00:21:07,112 --> 00:21:10,377
So I tear up my priest application,
370
00:21:10,449 --> 00:21:12,440
ask Filomena to marry me,
371
00:21:12,518 --> 00:21:16,045
and we lived the next 72 years
in wedded bliss.
372
00:21:16,121 --> 00:21:19,420
Why did you keep it
a secret all these years?
373
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:22,255
I was afraid my family gonna turn on me
374
00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:26,424
they find put I broke a promise
to Mama on her deathbed.
375
00:21:26,498 --> 00:21:28,625
I promised Mama I’d marry Benito,
376
00:21:28,701 --> 00:21:32,193
the town’s organ grinder
monkey hat manufacturer.
377
00:21:33,005 --> 00:21:35,371
- And you didn’t do it?
- Please.
378
00:21:35,441 --> 00:21:38,933
I loved my mother dearly,
but I had my own life to live.
379
00:21:39,011 --> 00:21:40,478
You did, too, Angelo.
380
00:21:41,814 --> 00:21:45,580
- Can you ever forgive me?
- Oh, of course, Uncle Angelo.
381
00:21:45,651 --> 00:21:49,109
Actually, we’ve all been deceitful, too.
382
00:21:49,188 --> 00:21:53,420
Stanley and I are divorced.
I hope you’re not disappointed.
383
00:21:53,492 --> 00:21:56,825
No. I’m thrilled.
I never liked him. He’s a yutz.
384
00:22:03,602 --> 00:22:06,127
And we’re not really nuns.
385
00:22:06,205 --> 00:22:10,266
We’re actually
gorgeous private citizens.
386
00:22:11,010 --> 00:22:14,377
- Now I’m confused.
- Come to the kitchen.
387
00:22:14,446 --> 00:22:17,779
I’ll fix you some breakfast
and explain the whole thing.
388
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:20,717
Look, everybody. The storm’s letting up.
389
00:22:20,786 --> 00:22:22,777
I’m gonna run right over to Walter’s.
390
00:22:22,855 --> 00:22:24,618
Aren’t you gonna change?
391
00:22:25,658 --> 00:22:27,250
No.
392
00:22:30,129 --> 00:22:32,359
It’s still pretty windy.
393
00:22:32,431 --> 00:22:36,197
I’m gonna go outside
and see if I can get airborne.
394
00:22:39,338 --> 00:22:42,899
Well, I’d better get going, too.
395
00:22:44,376 --> 00:22:46,742
Uh, Stan.
396
00:22:46,812 --> 00:22:49,178
About what you said.
397
00:22:49,248 --> 00:22:53,582
Hey, Dorothy, uh, I was kidding.
398
00:22:53,652 --> 00:22:55,176
It was a joke.
399
00:22:57,089 --> 00:22:58,681
That’s what I figured.
400
00:22:59,758 --> 00:23:03,319
Well, you didn’t think
I meant it, did you?
401
00:23:03,395 --> 00:23:07,024
- Well, no. Of course not.
- Of course not.
402
00:23:07,099 --> 00:23:10,466
I'm strictly cheerleaders,
wild parties, and hot tubs.
403
00:23:12,337 --> 00:23:14,965
Stan, before I forget,
404
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,803
a deal’s a deal.
405
00:23:16,875 --> 00:23:18,809
Here’s your 50.
406
00:23:18,877 --> 00:23:20,742
That’s okay, Sophia.
407
00:23:20,813 --> 00:23:23,145
This one's on the house.
408
00:23:37,463 --> 00:23:40,227
Pull yourself together, pussycat.
409
00:23:40,299 --> 00:23:42,893
Gershwin confused a lot of people.
30852
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.