All language subtitles for American Princess (2019) - 01x02 - Just Boob Stuff.TBS-mSD-MiNX-AFG.English.HI.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,747 --> 00:00:02,289 Previously on "American Princess"... 2 00:00:02,314 --> 00:00:03,804 It's Brett. He wants to FaceTime. 3 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,890 - [BRETT MOANING] - What? 4 00:00:07,650 --> 00:00:09,367 Yeah, baby. Yeah. Yeah, right there. 5 00:00:09,392 --> 00:00:11,528 Are you out of your mind? You... How could you? 6 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:12,978 I'm not having an affair. I love you. 7 00:00:13,002 --> 00:00:14,193 On our wedding day? 8 00:00:14,218 --> 00:00:17,131 [SCREAMS] 9 00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:19,349 Ugh, theme wedding. 10 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:24,045 Sorry for interrupting your little wedding here. 11 00:00:24,326 --> 00:00:26,251 FYI, though, he doesn't know what play 12 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,277 his own quote's from. 13 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,285 - That is preposterous. - DAVID: [BRITISH ACCENT] She be right! 14 00:00:29,309 --> 00:00:32,003 From which play doth the quote come? 15 00:00:32,146 --> 00:00:34,050 "Richard II." 16 00:00:34,589 --> 00:00:36,097 Uh, ffff. 17 00:00:36,122 --> 00:00:38,277 The maid doth speak the truth. 18 00:00:38,302 --> 00:00:39,566 Huzzah! 19 00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:41,644 ALL: Huzzah! 20 00:00:41,948 --> 00:00:44,191 So, what? 21 00:00:44,216 --> 00:00:46,784 You all run around pretending to be Queen Elizabeth 22 00:00:46,809 --> 00:00:49,323 and stuff, and people get drunk with nerds? 23 00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:51,433 It be their... leidenschaft. 24 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:53,297 It's German for passion. 25 00:00:53,322 --> 00:00:56,491 Do you really want to throw away everything you almost had? 26 00:00:56,516 --> 00:00:58,214 I'm not going back with you. 27 00:00:58,239 --> 00:01:00,331 I'm staying. Here. 28 00:01:00,826 --> 00:01:03,519 Nay. Hither. 29 00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:11,448 ♪♪ 30 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,191 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 31 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,592 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 32 00:01:33,131 --> 00:01:37,253 ♪♪ 33 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,065 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE] 34 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:51,199 ♪♪ 35 00:02:14,158 --> 00:02:15,568 [INSECT BUZZES] 36 00:02:16,027 --> 00:02:17,253 [GROANS] 37 00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:19,628 - [BUZZING STOPS] - Ugh. 38 00:02:19,653 --> 00:02:22,030 [VIBRATOR BUZZING] 39 00:02:24,218 --> 00:02:25,753 What the... 40 00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:28,596 [MOANING] 41 00:02:33,912 --> 00:02:35,003 Ah! 42 00:02:35,036 --> 00:02:37,339 [GASPING] 43 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:40,769 - [CLICK, BUZZING STOPS] - [LAUGHING] 44 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:43,386 [SIGHS DEEPLY] 45 00:02:45,153 --> 00:02:47,332 Good morrow, cousin. 46 00:02:48,148 --> 00:02:49,714 Good morrow... morning. 47 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,271 Where am I? 48 00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:54,949 D-Did I... 49 00:02:55,688 --> 00:02:57,222 - Did we... - No! 50 00:02:57,247 --> 00:02:58,941 No, no, no. 51 00:02:59,535 --> 00:03:01,769 [SIGHS] Just boob stuff. 52 00:03:01,794 --> 00:03:02,910 - What? - I'm kidding! 53 00:03:02,935 --> 00:03:04,136 - Oh. - No, I'm not. 54 00:03:04,161 --> 00:03:05,433 - What? - Yes, I am. 55 00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:06,851 No, I'm not. 56 00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:09,246 [LAUGHING] Yes, I am. 57 00:03:09,271 --> 00:03:10,379 Don't worry. 58 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,425 You do have nice boobs, though. 59 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:14,808 Thanks? 60 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,605 Amanda Sophia Klein. [CHUCKLES] 61 00:03:17,392 --> 00:03:19,324 [SIGHS] My roommate, my hero. 62 00:03:19,870 --> 00:03:22,144 When you renounced your life last night... 63 00:03:23,488 --> 00:03:24,636 so dramatic. 64 00:03:24,661 --> 00:03:27,050 - And then you drank all that Devil's... - Scotch. 65 00:03:27,192 --> 00:03:28,192 Right. 66 00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:31,496 How much did I say? 67 00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:32,739 Brett is dead to me. 68 00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:34,262 - Terrific. - Mm-hmm. 69 00:03:35,913 --> 00:03:38,661 [SIGHS] I hope my vigorous self-pleasuring 70 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,145 provided you a gentle waking. [CHUCKLES] 71 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,973 No sweeter music than the stroke of your own strings, am I right? 72 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,004 Wait, did you say "roommate"? 73 00:03:47,039 --> 00:03:48,090 Oh, yeah. 74 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,129 I'm gonna show you everything. 75 00:03:52,154 --> 00:03:53,879 - Everything? - Mm-hmm. 76 00:03:54,406 --> 00:03:55,406 Hang on. 77 00:03:56,014 --> 00:03:58,543 If we're roommates... [GROANS] 78 00:03:58,568 --> 00:04:00,332 what happened to the person or... 79 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,200 gimp that used to live here? 80 00:04:04,225 --> 00:04:05,225 Don't worry. 81 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,528 She's never around. 82 00:04:07,687 --> 00:04:09,246 You may want to flip the mattress. 83 00:04:09,271 --> 00:04:11,768 This place needs some serious feng shui 84 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,114 - or a hazmat team or... - [INSECT BUZZES] 85 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,449 a citronella perimeter. 86 00:04:16,474 --> 00:04:19,308 I'm so excited you're here! 87 00:04:19,528 --> 00:04:20,528 [GROANS] 88 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,058 - Yes. - [VIBRATING] 89 00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:25,324 Please tell me that's not your... 90 00:04:26,177 --> 00:04:27,613 It's Brett. Shall I? 91 00:04:27,638 --> 00:04:29,457 No! I mean... 92 00:04:29,608 --> 00:04:31,316 no, thank you. I'll... I'll handle it. 93 00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:34,328 [CELLPHONE VIBRATES] 94 00:04:34,353 --> 00:04:35,371 Ugh... 95 00:04:36,658 --> 00:04:39,275 Not everything can be fixed with emojis. 96 00:04:43,843 --> 00:04:45,071 [RING CLINKS] 97 00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:51,337 Now, want to find your leidenschaft? 98 00:04:53,235 --> 00:04:55,766 - Ja. - I wouldn't touch that hand. 99 00:04:56,401 --> 00:04:57,944 [WATER RUNNING] 100 00:04:57,969 --> 00:05:01,539 ♪♪ 101 00:05:11,957 --> 00:05:14,582 [YELLING, GROANING] 102 00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:15,828 SHART: Dude, you okay? 103 00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:18,016 You okay... Oh. 104 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,492 Aah. Dude, what happened to your nipple ring? 105 00:05:20,682 --> 00:05:22,805 Just had an accident last night. 106 00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:24,359 Pretty crazy, right? 107 00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:27,094 - Is it? - What do you mean? 108 00:05:27,353 --> 00:05:29,273 [CHUCKLES] It's a nipple ring. 109 00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:30,899 I mean, the idea of it being torn out 110 00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:32,149 must have crossed your mind at some point. 111 00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:34,227 The idea of crashing my car's crossed my mind, 112 00:05:34,252 --> 00:05:35,406 but I still drive. 113 00:05:35,431 --> 00:05:36,500 Not with your nipple. 114 00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:37,567 Yeah. 115 00:05:38,608 --> 00:05:41,111 So you, uh, hook up with that new girl again? 116 00:05:41,136 --> 00:05:42,242 What, Amanda? 117 00:05:42,349 --> 00:05:44,027 No, nothing happened. Two nights ago, 118 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,692 she got wasted and passed out on my floor. 119 00:05:45,906 --> 00:05:47,226 So now you got that to deal with. 120 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,906 W-What? What do you mean? 121 00:05:48,944 --> 00:05:52,635 Dude, if you take in a stray, it's not a stray anymore. 122 00:05:52,713 --> 00:05:54,882 - It's your dog. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 123 00:05:54,907 --> 00:05:56,955 She's not my dog. 124 00:05:57,087 --> 00:05:59,506 I don't believe in pets, not even comfort animals. 125 00:05:59,531 --> 00:06:01,905 Yeah, well, at least she's a cute dog. 126 00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:02,930 Yeah. 127 00:06:04,917 --> 00:06:06,132 What's your Faire name gonna be? 128 00:06:06,156 --> 00:06:07,967 Like, mine's Prunella Bubblebottom 129 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,139 because I'm a washer wench. 130 00:06:09,164 --> 00:06:12,202 We sing songs, make dirty jokes, we get wet, 131 00:06:12,227 --> 00:06:13,931 and our audiences have the best, best time, 132 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,458 because they're in the splash zone. 133 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,256 - Like at SeaWorld. - That's whales. 134 00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:18,608 We're wenches. It's different. 135 00:06:18,633 --> 00:06:20,233 - But... - It's different. 136 00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:21,843 - [FACETIME RINGING] - Mm. 137 00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:24,022 - Wi-Fi! - Yeah. It lives near the office. 138 00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:26,944 But don't move. It's shy, like a baby deer. 139 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,562 I'll see you at the well, sister. 140 00:06:28,586 --> 00:06:30,346 And don't forget to think of your Faire name. 141 00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:33,483 Nice work, Amanda. 142 00:06:33,583 --> 00:06:36,577 Mom's so up my butt about you, I've got a stress zit. 143 00:06:36,693 --> 00:06:38,092 Hi, Erin. 144 00:06:38,157 --> 00:06:39,983 I'm fine. Thanks for asking. 145 00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:41,819 Ugh, not everything is about you. 146 00:06:41,891 --> 00:06:44,560 How about my life blowing up? Can that be about me? 147 00:06:44,585 --> 00:06:46,547 Oh, no, no, no. Do not play the victim. 148 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,829 You're the one who blew it up. 149 00:06:47,854 --> 00:06:50,462 It's like ISIS declared jihad on dream weddings 150 00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:51,775 and sent you in first. 151 00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:53,228 I didn't blow it up. 152 00:06:53,253 --> 00:06:54,751 Brett blew it up by being... 153 00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:56,118 Classic Amanda. 154 00:06:56,143 --> 00:06:57,936 Can't take responsibility for anything. 155 00:06:57,961 --> 00:06:59,790 Oh, and you can shred your black card. 156 00:06:59,815 --> 00:07:00,915 Mom's cutting you off. 157 00:07:01,014 --> 00:07:02,779 I am taking responsibility, 158 00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:04,440 and I am the victim. And you know what? 159 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,465 You can tell Mom to keep her emotional blood money. 160 00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:08,115 I'm getting a job here. 161 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,959 - You're what? - Joanntha? 162 00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:12,544 [CHUCKLES] You're... I'm sorry. Say that... What... 163 00:07:12,569 --> 00:07:14,623 Ama... Stop, you're... No, Ama... 164 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,052 - [CELLPHONE BEEPS] - Erin. 165 00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:19,440 Wait, you know my mom's name? 166 00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:20,966 You talked a lot last night. 167 00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:23,224 Stupid scotch. 168 00:07:23,307 --> 00:07:25,753 From now on, I'm strictly gay for rosé. 169 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:26,787 - Whoa. - What? 170 00:07:26,812 --> 00:07:28,564 - My nipple ring. - You have a nipple ring, 171 00:07:28,589 --> 00:07:29,733 - like a fancy cow? - [CHUCKLES] 172 00:07:29,757 --> 00:07:31,052 Not since last night. 173 00:07:31,775 --> 00:07:32,927 You don't remember? 174 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,826 My crazy accident? 175 00:07:35,614 --> 00:07:36,802 Ugh, no. 176 00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,482 Again, I have to plead scotch. 177 00:07:39,507 --> 00:07:41,021 That's two nights in a row for you. 178 00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:42,615 You think I have a drinking problem? 179 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,607 Is alcohol your usual coping mechanism? 180 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:45,990 - No! - Okay. 181 00:07:46,015 --> 00:07:47,341 I do not have a problem. 182 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,732 - Okay. - I don't. 183 00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:50,271 I said okay. 184 00:07:50,296 --> 00:07:52,341 You said okay like five times. 185 00:07:52,366 --> 00:07:53,787 Why are you counting okays? 186 00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:55,544 Hey, lover. 187 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,076 Uh, hey. 188 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,880 Uh, Amanda, this is Callie. 189 00:07:58,905 --> 00:08:00,576 - Hi. - Hmm. 190 00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:02,866 - Um, I got the kambo. - What's kambo? 191 00:08:02,891 --> 00:08:04,226 Amazonian frog venom. 192 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,255 It's for my nipple. 193 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,513 That doesn't need venom. 194 00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:08,544 [CHUCKLES] That needs stitches. 195 00:08:08,569 --> 00:08:10,779 - Ah, it's not that bad. - You work in a mud pit, 196 00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:12,959 and that's an open wound. Are you... Are you crazy? 197 00:08:12,984 --> 00:08:14,014 I love what I do. 198 00:08:14,329 --> 00:08:16,388 Your need to be seen is profound. 199 00:08:16,512 --> 00:08:19,435 ♪♪ 200 00:08:24,154 --> 00:08:27,232 ♪♪ 201 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,294 - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - LEE: [CHUCKLING] Ohh, man. 202 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,202 Hi. 203 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,725 I'm Amanda. 204 00:08:38,798 --> 00:08:39,841 Are you hiring? 205 00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:41,077 You have any felonies? 206 00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:42,279 No. 207 00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:43,874 Then we're hiring. 208 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,092 Awesome. 209 00:08:45,782 --> 00:08:47,742 What's your dramaturgy situation? 210 00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:50,022 I have a degree in English from Vassar. 211 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:54,171 Yeah, we've already got like six dramaturgists on staff. 212 00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:57,538 Okay. I'm also good at Word 213 00:08:57,563 --> 00:08:59,897 and, uh, Adobe Creative Suite 214 00:08:59,922 --> 00:09:01,171 a-and... 215 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,772 Hey, hi. Eyes up here. 216 00:09:04,269 --> 00:09:05,686 Oh, I was just wondering 217 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,347 if maybe a bodice would kind of... 218 00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:08,948 - What? - ... make things pop. 219 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,597 Ugh. Offensive much? 220 00:09:11,772 --> 00:09:13,691 I'm here to work, not make it rain. 221 00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:15,277 Okay, Vassar, lighten up. 222 00:09:15,395 --> 00:09:17,144 You ever worked in food service? 223 00:09:17,435 --> 00:09:19,167 Summers on the Cape, I was a hostess 224 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,745 at the Landfall in Woods Hole... 225 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,659 classic surf and turf, occasional Kennedy. 226 00:09:23,684 --> 00:09:26,206 So I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. 227 00:09:26,473 --> 00:09:28,769 Perfect. You're hired. 228 00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:30,667 This isn't meant to be, you know. 229 00:09:31,224 --> 00:09:32,566 It never was. 230 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,669 And yet, perhaps the impossibility 231 00:09:34,694 --> 00:09:36,339 is what made it possible. 232 00:09:37,055 --> 00:09:39,737 Like the mighty salmon 233 00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:42,909 thrusting itself against the surging stream, 234 00:09:43,287 --> 00:09:46,527 determined to spawn, whatever the cost. 235 00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:49,361 But do not weep. 236 00:09:49,386 --> 00:09:51,050 You shall find this again. 237 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:55,371 Well, not this, this, but... perhaps this-adjacent. 238 00:09:55,610 --> 00:09:56,683 Who's Jason? 239 00:09:57,937 --> 00:10:01,848 Oh, my sweet, simple boy. 240 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,356 I am the Queen. 241 00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:06,239 You park cars. 242 00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,489 A titillating pornographic premise 243 00:10:08,514 --> 00:10:10,856 we explored most vigorously 244 00:10:10,881 --> 00:10:13,262 but has now concluded. 245 00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:16,373 Exeunt omnes. 246 00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:20,668 We're over, José. 247 00:10:20,693 --> 00:10:21,825 You can go. 248 00:10:22,465 --> 00:10:23,465 Okay. 249 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:26,458 ♪♪ 250 00:10:26,599 --> 00:10:28,223 - Want to smoke out? - No. 251 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,004 - Later? - No. 252 00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:31,623 Want to hook up after work? 253 00:10:31,648 --> 00:10:33,504 I literally just dumped you. 254 00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:34,766 Okay. 255 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,528 ♪♪ 256 00:10:38,058 --> 00:10:39,231 In case you change your mind. 257 00:10:39,591 --> 00:10:40,613 [CLICKS TONGUE] 258 00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:46,278 ♪♪ 259 00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:52,145 - Hey, dude. - Good morning. 260 00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:55,411 Felipé? 261 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,200 [SCOFFS] José, you racist. 262 00:10:58,417 --> 00:11:00,801 I'm not racist. I don't recall his name 263 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,793 because I refuse to commit useful brain cells 264 00:11:02,818 --> 00:11:04,987 to some temporary toad in your hole. 265 00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:07,356 Well, then, you'll be glad to know I ended it. 266 00:11:07,911 --> 00:11:09,973 The poor dear, he was beside himself. 267 00:11:09,998 --> 00:11:11,723 Really? He seemed... 268 00:11:11,748 --> 00:11:13,750 Devastated, as if I'd extinguished 269 00:11:13,775 --> 00:11:16,028 the light that burned behind his eyes. 270 00:11:16,053 --> 00:11:17,121 Pretty dim light. 271 00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:18,772 All right, you've had your fun. 272 00:11:18,797 --> 00:11:20,832 No, I haven't, actually. 273 00:11:21,321 --> 00:11:23,532 We completely missed Leah Remini's marathon last night 274 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,392 so you could get your fields plowed. 275 00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:27,377 Again with the stereotypes. 276 00:11:27,402 --> 00:11:28,445 What stereotypes? 277 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:31,512 Fields. Plowed. José. 278 00:11:31,537 --> 00:11:33,739 [SCOFFS] That was a euphemism for sex. 279 00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:34,964 That has nothing to do with... 280 00:11:35,306 --> 00:11:36,661 Okay, now I hear it. 281 00:11:38,692 --> 00:11:40,371 MAN: Well, I wish you the best of luck. 282 00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:43,853 [PLOP] 283 00:11:43,878 --> 00:11:47,286 ♪♪ 284 00:11:47,311 --> 00:11:49,739 MAN 2: Milady, Mother has blessed you. 285 00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:53,405 Come, sir, handle my jugs. 286 00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:56,558 I see by your lady you have experience. 287 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:59,536 In sooth, I wager you could handle a pair of jugs. 288 00:11:59,906 --> 00:12:01,926 - Am I correct, mistress? - He sure can. 289 00:12:01,951 --> 00:12:04,156 Oh, well, come, then. I'll show you my jugs, 290 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,512 and you show me yours. 291 00:12:05,797 --> 00:12:07,434 This place is insane. 292 00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:09,731 It's like, "What if super-horny nerds 293 00:12:09,756 --> 00:12:11,168 designed an amusement park?" 294 00:12:11,193 --> 00:12:13,820 So what? Without "super-horny nerds," 295 00:12:13,845 --> 00:12:16,145 there'd be no movies, no music, no Internet, just... 296 00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:18,305 football and pharmaceutical reps. 297 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:20,125 My fiancé's brother's a pharm... 298 00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:24,133 You mean your ex-fiancé, 299 00:12:24,158 --> 00:12:26,047 the one whose hooker you bloodied? 300 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,063 - Hey, you had a lot to say last night. - Yeah, so I hear. 301 00:12:29,088 --> 00:12:31,715 Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale! 302 00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:33,766 Suck on my jugs, they'll fill you with ale. 303 00:12:33,897 --> 00:12:36,375 Seriously, I'm the only one who finds that skeevy? 304 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,610 You and the puritans. 305 00:12:37,635 --> 00:12:38,938 - Hey, you. - Hey. 306 00:12:38,963 --> 00:12:41,152 It's just one big, beautiful community 307 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,375 full of love and acceptance. 308 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,899 It brought me Stephen. 309 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,640 How long have you two been together? 310 00:12:45,749 --> 00:12:47,584 Oh, is it, uh, three Faires, babe? 311 00:12:47,609 --> 00:12:49,735 Mm-hmm. Well, my husband, Phil, met him first. 312 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,977 They bonded over their love of craft beers 313 00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:53,587 and then over their love of me. 314 00:12:53,612 --> 00:12:54,946 - [LAUGHS] - Wait, I'm sorry. 315 00:12:55,318 --> 00:12:57,164 You're not... Who's your husband? 316 00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:58,984 Oh, let's see. Where's Phil? 317 00:12:59,017 --> 00:13:00,328 Oh, uh, t-there he is. 318 00:13:00,353 --> 00:13:02,040 He's right between the pub and the Hump Stump. 319 00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:04,235 - Babe. Babe! - Hey. Hey, Phil. 320 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,515 So sorry. 321 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,688 Did you say "the Hump Stump"? 322 00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:12,039 Oh, yeah. It's a popular after-hours spot 323 00:13:12,064 --> 00:13:13,250 for Rennies to... 324 00:13:13,448 --> 00:13:15,688 you know, love in the open air. 325 00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:17,985 - "The Giving Tree," unabridged. - Phil hates it. 326 00:13:18,010 --> 00:13:19,673 To be fair, it did give him a massive splinter. 327 00:13:19,697 --> 00:13:21,074 That was a nightmare, it's true. 328 00:13:21,099 --> 00:13:22,641 Babe, I'm looking for my Kindle. 329 00:13:23,214 --> 00:13:25,039 - Phil said you had it last? - Yes, yes, yes. 330 00:13:25,064 --> 00:13:27,775 It's in my yellow... It's easier if I just get it for you. 331 00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:29,183 Do you think you can handle the booth 332 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,328 for 10 minutes on your own? 333 00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:32,039 I graduated summa cum laude. 334 00:13:32,064 --> 00:13:33,719 I think I can handle pork pockets. 335 00:13:33,744 --> 00:13:35,276 - Okay. - JUAN ANDRÉS: Tankards and flagons... 336 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,869 - and jugs for sale! - Let's go. 337 00:13:38,173 --> 00:13:39,634 One pork pocket, please. 338 00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:40,665 Sure. 339 00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:43,501 ♪♪ 340 00:13:43,526 --> 00:13:45,152 [GASPS] 341 00:13:45,674 --> 00:13:47,908 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 342 00:13:47,933 --> 00:13:49,767 I'll get a turkey leg. 343 00:14:04,890 --> 00:14:08,114 With this sword, I dub thee Sir Daryl, 344 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,419 Knight of the Realm. 345 00:14:10,638 --> 00:14:12,515 [FANFARE PLAYS] 346 00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,513 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 347 00:14:15,782 --> 00:14:17,958 Your Majesty, a word posthaste. 348 00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,402 Posthaste now? 349 00:14:19,427 --> 00:14:22,474 Indeed, that being what posthaste doth mean. 350 00:14:22,499 --> 00:14:24,927 What have I told you about the Shake-splaing? 351 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,200 I dub these Lady Maya, 352 00:14:28,225 --> 00:14:30,403 Dame of County Essex. 353 00:14:31,009 --> 00:14:32,856 [FANFARE PLAYS] 354 00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:35,450 I think I just saw Colin. 355 00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:37,778 - Colin Hayes? - Don't worry. 356 00:14:37,803 --> 00:14:39,428 I'll make sure you won't have to talk to him. 357 00:14:39,452 --> 00:14:41,911 Oh, Colin did eight seasons here as Robert Dudley, 358 00:14:41,936 --> 00:14:43,880 Earl of Leicester. He's entitled to visit. 359 00:14:43,905 --> 00:14:46,317 I dub thee Sir Jayden, 360 00:14:46,342 --> 00:14:48,567 Knight of the Realm! 361 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,833 Is he also entitled to tempt and torment you? 362 00:14:52,113 --> 00:14:54,451 Last time he visited, I had to spoon you so long 363 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,052 - our clothes stuck together. - [SCOFFS] 364 00:14:57,505 --> 00:15:00,008 Did you know he'd be here and deliberately not tell me? 365 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,763 Oh, please. Brian. Deliberately. 366 00:15:02,788 --> 00:15:04,653 You did know. 367 00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:07,106 So that's why you broke things off with Jorgé. 368 00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:09,958 I dub thee Lady Alexa, Dame of County Hamilton! 369 00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:12,052 It's José, and so what? 370 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,685 One can't mount two productions on the same stage. 371 00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:16,128 You intend to mount? 372 00:15:16,153 --> 00:15:17,161 It's a metaphor. 373 00:15:17,186 --> 00:15:18,794 It's a synonym. 374 00:15:21,706 --> 00:15:24,286 - Jesus. - Food service, no bueno. 375 00:15:24,311 --> 00:15:27,044 - What else you got? - Uh, okay, uh... 376 00:15:27,069 --> 00:15:28,169 Boothie. 377 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,263 Crafter. Gamer. 378 00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:33,638 You're probably too small to be a push monkey. 379 00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:36,614 A push monkey? 380 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:39,005 Yeah, the guys that push the swings and stuff. 381 00:15:39,191 --> 00:15:41,248 - They run the rides. - And they're referred to 382 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,106 - as monkeys. - Yeah, well, it's that 383 00:15:43,131 --> 00:15:46,044 or motion-generating entertainment specialists. 384 00:15:46,896 --> 00:15:48,966 I'm kidding. It's monkeys. 385 00:15:50,053 --> 00:15:51,825 WOMAN: God save the Queen! 386 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,583 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 387 00:15:53,608 --> 00:15:54,763 Your Grace. 388 00:15:55,298 --> 00:15:58,513 I am most humbled to be in your presence this day. 389 00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,458 Arise, good sir. 390 00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:04,208 Hast thou e'er been told you do resemble Robert Dudley, 391 00:16:04,233 --> 00:16:07,575 Earl of Leicester, who once did frequent this shire? 392 00:16:07,797 --> 00:16:09,388 It hath been remarked upon. 393 00:16:09,673 --> 00:16:11,864 I am told he was thought quite handsome. 394 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,552 - [CHUCKLES] - Uh, but today, 395 00:16:14,577 --> 00:16:17,185 I am Claudius Hollyband, if it please you. 396 00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:19,825 Linguist, philologist, and lexicographer. 397 00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:21,685 Ah. A weaver of words, then? 398 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,795 A weaver of words, a student of syntax, 399 00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:25,614 a parser of paragraphs. 400 00:16:25,639 --> 00:16:27,850 Indeed. Then you would be well acquainted 401 00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:30,021 with terms such as "miscreant," 402 00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:32,106 "vagabond," and "lothario"? 403 00:16:32,564 --> 00:16:35,177 Academically, which be far different 404 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,310 than were I to be termed 405 00:16:36,335 --> 00:16:39,255 a "contumelious pantywaist dilettante." 406 00:16:40,809 --> 00:16:41,809 Uh... 407 00:16:42,954 --> 00:16:45,802 Well played, good sirs, well played. 408 00:16:45,827 --> 00:16:47,078 Such sporting wit. 409 00:16:47,103 --> 00:16:48,536 Your Grace, if I may beg a boon, 410 00:16:48,561 --> 00:16:51,028 I would a word with you, uh, alone. 411 00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:53,146 Really? 412 00:16:54,051 --> 00:16:55,575 An' it would please me... 413 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,036 But we must away, 414 00:16:57,355 --> 00:17:00,107 for our Queen's appointments are many and her hours few. 415 00:17:00,132 --> 00:17:03,442 Yea, but the joust is not until 1:00 and 30. 416 00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:06,591 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. 417 00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:08,605 Anon, Master Holly-bland. 418 00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:10,044 - But... - I said anon. 419 00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:12,488 ♪♪ 420 00:17:13,008 --> 00:17:14,426 [SIGHS] 421 00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,138 Really? Three hours? 422 00:17:16,257 --> 00:17:17,926 That's the line. "Merry Wives of Windsor." 423 00:17:17,951 --> 00:17:19,671 More like "Bored Wives of Windsor." 424 00:17:21,486 --> 00:17:23,321 Holding his sword 425 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,179 but bereft of his shield... 426 00:17:25,204 --> 00:17:26,622 Oh? Oh. Aw. 427 00:17:26,647 --> 00:17:29,451 - [LAUGHTER] - ... the valiant young knight 428 00:17:29,476 --> 00:17:32,104 - told the dragon to... - Yield! 429 00:17:32,129 --> 00:17:33,240 Why not stop? 430 00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:35,684 Yield seems like it's delaying things. 431 00:17:35,709 --> 00:17:37,052 - So do you. - Oh, that's because 432 00:17:37,077 --> 00:17:38,232 I know what's coming. 433 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:40,169 We all do. It's why they have garbage bags. 434 00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:41,623 Oh. Can I have one? 435 00:17:41,648 --> 00:17:44,021 If your performance stays at this level, absolutely. 436 00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:45,865 - Ohh! - [LAUGHTER] 437 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,748 But the dragon was cunning and clever and smart. 438 00:17:50,222 --> 00:17:54,302 He laid down, turned around, and spewed forth a great... 439 00:17:54,327 --> 00:17:55,771 Shart! 440 00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:57,748 Aah! 441 00:17:58,295 --> 00:18:00,714 Aah. Ah. 442 00:18:00,739 --> 00:18:01,943 [LAUGHTER] 443 00:18:01,968 --> 00:18:04,857 And so ends our tale of bravery and wit. 444 00:18:05,044 --> 00:18:08,162 But mostly of jokes that were all about... 445 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,029 clever wordplay. 446 00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:11,973 [LAUGHTER] 447 00:18:14,281 --> 00:18:16,162 Thank you, thank you, 448 00:18:16,838 --> 00:18:19,216 lords and ladies. Gramercy. 449 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:21,943 If thou didst enjoy the show, 450 00:18:22,330 --> 00:18:24,123 please put something in the hat. 451 00:18:24,148 --> 00:18:27,485 Even small coins, they, uh... they make a difference. 452 00:18:27,510 --> 00:18:30,880 But if you don't have any coins, we also accept sexual favors. 453 00:18:30,905 --> 00:18:32,584 Please don't put those in the hat. 454 00:18:32,741 --> 00:18:34,637 Uh, they make the coins sticky. 455 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:38,365 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 456 00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:39,599 Hey. 457 00:18:40,624 --> 00:18:42,123 - You okay? - Tip-top. 458 00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:45,209 Yeah, but nip not top. 459 00:18:45,235 --> 00:18:47,327 Let me get you some of Lulu's breast milk to put on it. 460 00:18:47,351 --> 00:18:49,978 - Stuff will cure cancer. - Don't have cancer. 461 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,753 - Mm, fixed my ear infection. - Don't have an ear infection. 462 00:18:52,778 --> 00:18:54,209 - It's good in coffee... - Stop. 463 00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:58,591 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 464 00:18:58,616 --> 00:18:59,693 You're... You're hot. 465 00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:01,202 Go rest. 466 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,287 No. 467 00:19:02,769 --> 00:19:04,662 Pizzle Wanksworth Humpsalot, 468 00:19:05,253 --> 00:19:06,521 you'll do as you're told. 469 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:10,281 Fine. 470 00:19:10,808 --> 00:19:11,808 Fine. 471 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:15,984 - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ - No! 472 00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:17,804 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 473 00:19:17,828 --> 00:19:19,774 - Mama, he... he's pushing me! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 474 00:19:19,798 --> 00:19:21,553 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 475 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,329 - Leave me alone! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 476 00:19:23,353 --> 00:19:25,376 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 477 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:27,225 - He's not leaving me alone! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 478 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,159 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 479 00:19:29,183 --> 00:19:32,885 ♪ See Jane work, work, work, Jane work, work ♪ 480 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,731 ♪ See Jane work, work ♪ 481 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,667 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 482 00:19:36,691 --> 00:19:40,329 ♪ See Jane work, work, work, Jane work, work ♪ 483 00:19:40,354 --> 00:19:42,723 ♪ Come on, got a thing, thing, come on, come on, come on ♪ 484 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,600 ♪ Can you feel me, can you feel me? ♪ 485 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,476 ♪ Can you feel me? Come on, come on, come on ♪ 486 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,151 ♪ Can you feel me, can you feel me? ♪ 487 00:19:48,176 --> 00:19:49,971 ♪ Work, Jane, work, huh! ♪ 488 00:19:52,130 --> 00:19:54,182 - Hope he feels better. - Thanks. 489 00:19:54,207 --> 00:19:55,526 Oh, uh... 490 00:19:56,517 --> 00:19:58,686 Huzzah for the tipper! 491 00:19:58,711 --> 00:20:00,596 - Never gets old. - [GIGGLES] 492 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:04,611 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 493 00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:06,791 Look, Mommy. What is this? 494 00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:08,158 No, no, no, no, no. 495 00:20:08,371 --> 00:20:11,322 No, no, no, uh, hey, no, ooh, ooh, ah, ah. 496 00:20:11,347 --> 00:20:13,474 This be a sheep's bladder. 497 00:20:13,499 --> 00:20:14,625 Like a balloon? 498 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:17,143 Yes! Like a balloon! 499 00:20:17,168 --> 00:20:18,168 Blow it up. 500 00:20:20,187 --> 00:20:21,666 Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up. 501 00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:25,580 ♪♪ 502 00:20:27,629 --> 00:20:28,885 [COUGHS] 503 00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:37,385 ♪♪ 504 00:20:41,893 --> 00:20:43,213 CALLIE: And now the ring of six. 505 00:20:43,238 --> 00:20:45,073 [GRUNTS, SIGHS] 506 00:20:45,098 --> 00:20:47,057 Would you prefer to use my saliva or yours? 507 00:20:47,082 --> 00:20:48,229 Go for it. 508 00:20:49,056 --> 00:20:50,783 ♪♪ 509 00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:51,808 [SPITS] 510 00:20:54,445 --> 00:20:56,676 [GROANING] 511 00:20:56,701 --> 00:20:59,457 ♪♪ 512 00:21:00,368 --> 00:21:01,368 Stick? 513 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,804 [GROANING] 514 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,262 ♪♪ 515 00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:07,721 I don't want to talk about it. 516 00:21:09,499 --> 00:21:12,027 CALLIE: From here, the venom will find the wound. 517 00:21:13,263 --> 00:21:14,668 Stick. 518 00:21:15,304 --> 00:21:17,238 I know, but you try telling him. 519 00:21:20,605 --> 00:21:21,895 Repeat after me. 520 00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:24,584 - "I am the light." - I am the light. 521 00:21:24,609 --> 00:21:27,043 - "I am the spirit." - I am spirit. 522 00:21:28,808 --> 00:21:30,793 That the freaking Amazonian frog venom? 523 00:21:31,782 --> 00:21:32,992 Stick. 524 00:21:33,017 --> 00:21:34,816 Oh, yo, did you get that aspirin? 525 00:21:35,658 --> 00:21:36,730 Damn it. 526 00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:38,738 I'm sorry, man. 527 00:21:39,373 --> 00:21:41,754 I had a situa... tion. 528 00:21:42,315 --> 00:21:43,590 You don't need aspirin. 529 00:21:43,776 --> 00:21:44,776 You have me. 530 00:21:45,087 --> 00:21:46,297 "I am the soul." 531 00:21:46,322 --> 00:21:47,887 Yeah, baby, you know you are. 532 00:21:48,184 --> 00:21:49,387 No, repeat. 533 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:50,738 "I am the soul." 534 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,910 Maybe I need a real doctor. 535 00:21:54,084 --> 00:21:55,098 Define "real." 536 00:21:55,123 --> 00:21:57,465 [VOMITS] 537 00:21:58,581 --> 00:22:00,793 Good. It's working. 538 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,155 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 539 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:08,051 ♪♪ 540 00:22:17,976 --> 00:22:20,234 Will you stop being a... blocker? 541 00:22:20,259 --> 00:22:22,437 Stop being a... gawker. 542 00:22:23,036 --> 00:22:24,328 Colin walked out on you. 543 00:22:24,353 --> 00:22:25,605 Now he gets to walk back in? 544 00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:27,798 Enough, I say. Enough, enough, enough! 545 00:22:27,823 --> 00:22:29,585 Stand down, Malvolio. 546 00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:30,929 I'm a big girl. 547 00:22:32,344 --> 00:22:35,820 The day's announcements, Your Majesty. 548 00:22:36,685 --> 00:22:41,843 [FANFARE PLAYS] 549 00:22:42,449 --> 00:22:46,367 Lords and ladies, gentles all, I do entreat you 550 00:22:46,392 --> 00:22:49,226 to join me this day at our Royal Joust, 551 00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:53,557 where our bravest knights battle for honor and glory. 552 00:22:53,582 --> 00:22:56,084 [APPLAUSE] 553 00:22:56,384 --> 00:23:00,764 Today, we honor Lady Linda Sippey and Lord Eric Fundling 554 00:23:00,789 --> 00:23:02,987 upon their fourth anniversary. 555 00:23:03,012 --> 00:23:04,931 - Month. - Month-iversary. 556 00:23:04,956 --> 00:23:08,801 Fourth monthiversary. A full 120 days. Huzzah. 557 00:23:08,826 --> 00:23:10,244 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 558 00:23:10,269 --> 00:23:12,527 Duchess Carol Denbo is here 559 00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,061 celebrating her 60th natal day. 560 00:23:15,086 --> 00:23:16,087 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 561 00:23:16,112 --> 00:23:18,450 Congratulations to Joseph Oswald 562 00:23:18,475 --> 00:23:20,393 for coming out to his grandparents, 563 00:23:20,418 --> 00:23:22,176 visiting from the colony of Maine. 564 00:23:22,291 --> 00:23:25,043 - Very brave, sir Joseph. - ALL: Huzzah! 565 00:23:25,068 --> 00:23:29,030 Vanessa Ho-Chin, we commend your passing of the bar. 566 00:23:29,055 --> 00:23:31,129 - ALL: Huzzah! - And finally, 567 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,277 we celebrate love 568 00:23:33,532 --> 00:23:36,660 with the betrothal of Lady Emily Shaw 569 00:23:36,685 --> 00:23:38,238 to Lord Colin... 570 00:23:40,617 --> 00:23:41,617 Hayes. 571 00:23:41,642 --> 00:23:43,519 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 572 00:23:43,544 --> 00:23:46,005 ♪♪ 573 00:23:46,030 --> 00:23:47,691 Uh, water. 574 00:23:47,716 --> 00:23:49,027 I need water. 575 00:23:49,423 --> 00:23:50,423 Uh... 576 00:23:50,448 --> 00:23:53,527 [APPLAUSE] 577 00:23:54,508 --> 00:23:56,100 Congratulations to all. 578 00:23:56,125 --> 00:23:59,107 And brevity being the soul of wit, 579 00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:01,287 lay on, MacDuff, 580 00:24:02,555 --> 00:24:05,897 for all the world's a stage, right? 581 00:24:10,990 --> 00:24:15,068 Now jousters to joust and musicians to play, 582 00:24:15,093 --> 00:24:17,818 as I, Will Shakespeare, will away. 583 00:24:18,482 --> 00:24:20,600 [CONFUSED FANFARE PLAYING] 584 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:24,506 ♪♪ 585 00:24:25,232 --> 00:24:26,951 [SNIFFLES, SIGHS] 586 00:24:26,976 --> 00:24:28,709 That's what he wanted to talk to me about. 587 00:24:28,734 --> 00:24:30,287 - Maggie... - You should have let him. 588 00:24:30,830 --> 00:24:33,131 And if I'd known, I would have. 589 00:24:33,975 --> 00:24:35,920 Maybe. [SIGHS] 590 00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:39,240 My intention was to not let you get hurt again. 591 00:24:39,595 --> 00:24:40,701 Good intentions. 592 00:24:40,726 --> 00:24:42,756 They never fail to screw me over. 593 00:24:42,990 --> 00:24:44,288 And what if he had spoken to you? 594 00:24:44,312 --> 00:24:45,999 - What would it have changed? - Well, I could have... 595 00:24:46,023 --> 00:24:47,525 I would have had some warning. 596 00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:49,218 [SCOFFS] Yes. 597 00:24:49,474 --> 00:24:51,092 Warning that the man who broke your heart 598 00:24:51,117 --> 00:24:53,826 was back to rub your nose in it, publicly? 599 00:24:53,851 --> 00:24:55,287 He's such a dick. 600 00:24:55,772 --> 00:24:56,951 Always was. 601 00:24:57,586 --> 00:24:59,936 So why do I keep looking back and wondering, "What if?" 602 00:25:02,524 --> 00:25:05,615 Because he's the... who got away. 603 00:25:06,406 --> 00:25:08,506 He didn't get away. I let him go. 604 00:25:08,866 --> 00:25:12,740 Off to the suburbs to a regular job and a-a regular life. 605 00:25:13,427 --> 00:25:15,397 You could have gone with him and had it, too. 606 00:25:16,059 --> 00:25:18,561 But you chose Queen and country 607 00:25:18,586 --> 00:25:21,865 over a convenient and conventional union, 608 00:25:22,691 --> 00:25:24,428 just like the real Elizabeth. 609 00:25:26,516 --> 00:25:28,350 Probably die like her, too... 610 00:25:29,057 --> 00:25:31,143 bald and surrounded by pugs. 611 00:25:31,168 --> 00:25:34,006 But beloved, forever beloved. 612 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,608 Victoria had the pugs, not Elizabeth. 613 00:25:36,632 --> 00:25:37,943 - Oh, damn it, Brian. - Sorry. 614 00:25:37,968 --> 00:25:41,931 [FANFARE PLAYS] 615 00:25:42,108 --> 00:25:44,420 Stay. I got it. 616 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:52,022 ♪♪ 617 00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:55,701 BRIAN: Ladies and gentlemen, to the joust! 618 00:25:55,726 --> 00:25:57,443 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 619 00:25:57,728 --> 00:26:03,186 ♪♪ 620 00:26:16,314 --> 00:26:17,454 [FACETIME RINGING] 621 00:26:18,266 --> 00:26:22,020 ♪♪ 622 00:26:22,045 --> 00:26:23,088 Kombucha? 623 00:26:23,113 --> 00:26:25,447 Jesus, Cyril. Okay. 624 00:26:25,845 --> 00:26:27,306 Gross. 625 00:26:28,279 --> 00:26:30,156 Hey. [CHUCKLES] Don't panic. 626 00:26:30,181 --> 00:26:31,275 It's organic. 627 00:26:31,623 --> 00:26:33,441 - Ew. - What, you got something 628 00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:35,579 - against manure? - Got something for it? 629 00:26:35,604 --> 00:26:36,604 Yeah. 630 00:26:37,621 --> 00:26:39,306 - Funk of the earth, huh? - [RETCHES] 631 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,126 What begins as grass 632 00:26:41,151 --> 00:26:44,072 becomes the power of those beasties' mighty haunches, 633 00:26:44,097 --> 00:26:45,681 becomes speed, and then, 634 00:26:45,706 --> 00:26:48,595 once expelled, becomes grass again. 635 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:50,341 So... 636 00:26:52,456 --> 00:26:53,464 Kombucha? 637 00:26:54,284 --> 00:26:56,011 I foraged the rose hips myself. 638 00:26:56,427 --> 00:26:58,620 And hard pass. 639 00:26:58,645 --> 00:26:59,761 [FACETIME RINGING] 640 00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:00,831 [SIGHS] 641 00:27:03,573 --> 00:27:04,573 Oh, my God. 642 00:27:05,056 --> 00:27:06,386 It doesn't recognize me. 643 00:27:07,021 --> 00:27:08,737 My phone doesn't know who I am. 644 00:27:09,776 --> 00:27:11,147 Look at me. Look at me! 645 00:27:11,172 --> 00:27:13,091 Does my face not look like my face? 646 00:27:13,116 --> 00:27:15,644 Oof, scoby's off. 647 00:27:16,796 --> 00:27:17,796 [SIGHS] 648 00:27:19,869 --> 00:27:25,338 [FACETIME CONTINUES RINGING] 649 00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:27,213 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 650 00:27:30,995 --> 00:27:31,995 Hey. 651 00:27:32,281 --> 00:27:33,322 Hey what? 652 00:27:33,703 --> 00:27:35,447 Hey, I'm sorry? 653 00:27:35,550 --> 00:27:37,177 Hey, I love you? 654 00:27:37,202 --> 00:27:38,588 Hey, can we work things out? 655 00:27:38,613 --> 00:27:39,916 Can you just stop saying hey? 656 00:27:40,407 --> 00:27:42,002 I can't with the hay right now. 657 00:27:42,488 --> 00:27:44,657 You look different... good different. 658 00:27:44,682 --> 00:27:46,542 Like, earthy. 659 00:27:46,729 --> 00:27:47,729 Thanks? 660 00:27:48,093 --> 00:27:49,628 Yeah, no, I... 661 00:27:50,541 --> 00:27:53,292 Look, I'm beyond sorry that what I did upset you. 662 00:27:53,317 --> 00:27:55,069 [ROOSTER CROWS] 663 00:27:55,094 --> 00:27:56,734 But I also know that we're better together 664 00:27:57,095 --> 00:27:59,464 - and that it takes two to make a... - "Thing go right"? 665 00:28:00,295 --> 00:28:01,819 - I swear to God, Brett... - That it takes two 666 00:28:01,843 --> 00:28:03,586 to make a relationship work, 667 00:28:03,898 --> 00:28:05,279 to share in its joys, 668 00:28:05,878 --> 00:28:08,091 but also to shoulder its burdens. 669 00:28:08,352 --> 00:28:11,193 What kind of TED Talk bull... are you on, Brett? 670 00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:12,918 Shoulder its burdens? 671 00:28:12,943 --> 00:28:14,755 You cheated on me on our wedding day. 672 00:28:15,044 --> 00:28:16,419 Why should I shoulder that burden? 673 00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:18,822 - Because we're a couple. - Yeah, which means two, 674 00:28:18,847 --> 00:28:22,224 not two and then the occasional out-of-network beej. 675 00:28:22,249 --> 00:28:24,356 WOMAN: Bonjour, monsieur. Tout est d'accord ? 676 00:28:24,859 --> 00:28:26,804 - Oh, my God. - Merci. 677 00:28:27,502 --> 00:28:29,031 Are you in St. Barts? 678 00:28:29,864 --> 00:28:32,242 Are you on our... honeymoon?! 679 00:28:33,498 --> 00:28:36,359 Dr. Bloom after said after a major emotional trauma 680 00:28:36,384 --> 00:28:37,952 to prioritize self-care. 681 00:28:38,990 --> 00:28:41,257 And the tickets were non-refundable... 682 00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:43,435 - [CELLPHONE BEEPS] - No. 683 00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:44,538 No, no, no, no, no. 684 00:28:44,563 --> 00:28:47,007 I am not done yelling at you! 685 00:28:47,223 --> 00:28:49,410 Oh, come on, data plan. Come on, Wi-Fi. 686 00:28:49,607 --> 00:28:52,379 Oh. My kingdom for some Wi-Fi! 687 00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:56,114 ♪♪ 688 00:28:56,139 --> 00:28:57,918 Yes. [LAUGHS] 689 00:28:58,612 --> 00:29:00,153 [SIGHS] Finally. 690 00:29:01,184 --> 00:29:03,979 [LINE RINGING] 691 00:29:04,004 --> 00:29:05,184 Coward! 692 00:29:05,769 --> 00:29:07,846 I hope you go on our scuba excursion 693 00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:09,824 and get ... raped by an electric eel. 694 00:29:09,849 --> 00:29:10,930 [CELLPHONE BEEPS] 695 00:29:13,392 --> 00:29:15,714 Oh, my God. Amanda. You guys, it's Amanda. 696 00:29:15,739 --> 00:29:17,199 - Oh! - Oh! Hi! 697 00:29:17,224 --> 00:29:19,175 Hi. Morgan... 698 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,678 - [WOMEN SHRIEKING] - We're getting drinks. 699 00:29:20,702 --> 00:29:21,995 Miss you, bitch. 700 00:29:22,020 --> 00:29:24,403 Ugh. Mocktails. So over it. 701 00:29:24,428 --> 00:29:26,591 - Morgan? - How's rehab? 702 00:29:26,616 --> 00:29:28,118 MORGAN: Lexi, she's not in rehab. 703 00:29:28,143 --> 00:29:29,770 That's just what we're saying. Did you... 704 00:29:29,795 --> 00:29:32,130 Lexi, stop waving the phone around. 705 00:29:32,155 --> 00:29:33,567 I just want to see. 706 00:29:33,592 --> 00:29:35,731 Lex... Lexi. [SIGHS] 707 00:29:35,756 --> 00:29:37,133 Morgan, take the phone from Lexi. 708 00:29:37,158 --> 00:29:38,567 - Ohh. - Hi. 709 00:29:38,592 --> 00:29:41,247 Okay. I just spoke to Brett. 710 00:29:41,272 --> 00:29:43,654 About the story the Post? I know. I saw. 711 00:29:43,679 --> 00:29:45,396 But don't worry. Honestly, I didn't share it, 712 00:29:45,420 --> 00:29:46,659 and don't freak out about the comments. 713 00:29:46,659 --> 00:29:47,874 It's not a big deal. It's gonna be fine. 714 00:29:47,898 --> 00:29:49,273 - That's not what I was gonna say. - I didn't share it, either, 715 00:29:49,297 --> 00:29:51,383 and... and truly, people have moved on. 716 00:29:51,633 --> 00:29:53,176 You know the Central Park polar bear, 717 00:29:53,201 --> 00:29:55,319 the one with autism? He drowned. 718 00:29:55,344 --> 00:29:57,108 - [GASPS] He drowned? - Yeah. 719 00:29:57,133 --> 00:29:58,801 I'm not calling about the Post! 720 00:29:58,826 --> 00:30:01,905 Hey, I also didn't share. And I know this is a weird time, 721 00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:04,983 but are you reimbursing us for the bridesmaid dresses? 722 00:30:05,212 --> 00:30:06,212 No. 723 00:30:06,699 --> 00:30:09,444 Did you guys know that Brett is on my our honeymoon? 724 00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:12,366 I'm sorry. I didn't know we weren't supposed 725 00:30:12,391 --> 00:30:14,554 - to share the story. - Give Morgan the... 726 00:30:14,579 --> 00:30:16,179 - I feel bad. - Give the phone to Morgan. 727 00:30:16,204 --> 00:30:18,576 But it got a bunch of likes and a ton of sad faces, and 728 00:30:18,601 --> 00:30:19,734 - those are hard to do, because... - All right, all right, all right. 729 00:30:19,758 --> 00:30:20,758 What... 730 00:30:21,832 --> 00:30:23,507 Lexi? Morgan. 731 00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:25,335 Are you guys there? 732 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:26,991 Are you there?! 733 00:30:28,318 --> 00:30:31,350 Hey. Would you mind turning the volume down just a touch? 734 00:30:31,584 --> 00:30:32,843 I'm trying to nap. 735 00:30:34,076 --> 00:30:35,600 I need a drink. 736 00:30:37,963 --> 00:30:40,803 So this is your usual coping mechanism. 737 00:30:40,828 --> 00:30:43,366 I am not an alcoholic. 738 00:30:44,162 --> 00:30:46,647 People who buy Sour Apple vodka are alcoholics. 739 00:30:46,672 --> 00:30:48,508 Oh, I'm glad to see that you're taking things seriously 740 00:30:48,532 --> 00:30:49,639 on your first day. 741 00:30:50,384 --> 00:30:52,052 Says the guy who was napping. 742 00:30:52,077 --> 00:30:53,398 I was trying to just recover enough 743 00:30:53,422 --> 00:30:54,737 so that I could do the last show. 744 00:30:54,761 --> 00:30:57,569 Ew. Yeah, you need to get that looked at. 745 00:30:57,594 --> 00:30:59,678 When I was working at Refinery29, 746 00:30:59,703 --> 00:31:00,827 I had an alarming lump, 747 00:31:00,852 --> 00:31:02,332 and I had to take the whole week off. 748 00:31:02,547 --> 00:31:04,163 'Cause they thought you had cancer? 749 00:31:04,392 --> 00:31:06,357 No, but I did. 750 00:31:06,510 --> 00:31:08,811 It was a fatty lipoma. Benign. 751 00:31:08,944 --> 00:31:10,897 And apparently hereditary. 752 00:31:11,692 --> 00:31:13,068 Cheers to a lifetime 753 00:31:13,093 --> 00:31:15,272 of outpatient fatty lipoma removals. 754 00:31:15,297 --> 00:31:17,264 Um, I don't know, sorry? 755 00:31:17,405 --> 00:31:18,405 Thanks. 756 00:31:19,866 --> 00:31:21,773 Now, when are you gonna go to the doctor? 757 00:31:21,798 --> 00:31:24,007 I'm not. Do you have any idea what that would cost? 758 00:31:24,205 --> 00:31:26,953 Who cares? Where I come from, your health comes first. 759 00:31:26,978 --> 00:31:28,271 Yeah, well, where you come from, 760 00:31:28,296 --> 00:31:29,547 you have personal drivers, 761 00:31:29,572 --> 00:31:32,007 or better yet, a concierge physician. 762 00:31:32,210 --> 00:31:33,843 Why are you acting like this? 763 00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:36,522 It's not my fault that your nipple's infected. 764 00:31:38,716 --> 00:31:39,716 What? 765 00:31:39,936 --> 00:31:42,406 ♪♪ 766 00:31:42,879 --> 00:31:45,554 - Heya! [LAUGHS] - Whoa, shit. Hey. 767 00:31:45,579 --> 00:31:48,457 - Whatcha doing? - Uh, nothing. 768 00:31:48,482 --> 00:31:50,472 I'm gon' go pee-pee. 769 00:31:51,023 --> 00:31:52,023 Cool. 770 00:31:53,549 --> 00:31:55,680 - What's this about? - Oh, uh, 771 00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:57,652 youthful rebellion, binge drinking, 772 00:31:57,677 --> 00:31:59,996 - and who doesn't love a coupon? - Oh. 773 00:32:00,021 --> 00:32:02,254 - ♪ Here comes the bride ♪ - ♪ Comes the bride ♪ 774 00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:04,269 - [CACKLES] - [VOCALIZES, LAUGHS] 775 00:32:04,294 --> 00:32:06,963 Look, my finger's engaged to your nipple. 776 00:32:06,988 --> 00:32:10,698 - Whoa! - [SCREAMING] 777 00:32:10,723 --> 00:32:13,198 Oh, my God. 778 00:32:16,027 --> 00:32:17,987 Maybe I am an alcoholic. 779 00:32:18,012 --> 00:32:19,292 You might be. 780 00:32:21,555 --> 00:32:23,277 I'm so sorry. 781 00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:25,988 I can't believe I did that. 782 00:32:26,013 --> 00:32:28,027 Yeah, it surprised me, too. 783 00:32:28,508 --> 00:32:30,769 First the Post, and now this. 784 00:32:31,116 --> 00:32:33,948 Why am I all of a sudden a magnet for public humiliation 785 00:32:33,973 --> 00:32:35,261 and... and maiming? 786 00:32:38,481 --> 00:32:41,808 The only one that can humiliate you is you. 787 00:32:41,948 --> 00:32:44,200 Who's that? Lao Tzu? 788 00:32:44,225 --> 00:32:46,269 Sun Tzu? Shih Tzu? 789 00:32:46,294 --> 00:32:47,386 It's me. 790 00:32:50,027 --> 00:32:51,695 I didn't tell anyone that you did it. 791 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,284 You didn't tell me I did it, 792 00:32:54,392 --> 00:32:56,386 which is insane. 793 00:32:56,878 --> 00:32:57,950 Where I come from, 794 00:32:57,975 --> 00:33:00,214 that kind of stuff trends like hashtag-immediately. 795 00:33:00,239 --> 00:33:02,191 Yeah, well, this isn't where you come from. 796 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:04,800 It's where you are. 797 00:33:06,405 --> 00:33:08,402 - You again? - Me again. 798 00:33:09,943 --> 00:33:11,480 You're weirdly deep. 799 00:33:13,572 --> 00:33:14,572 Thanks. 800 00:33:16,142 --> 00:33:17,142 No. 801 00:33:18,394 --> 00:33:19,394 Thank you. 802 00:33:21,878 --> 00:33:23,459 - You're welcome. - [DOOR OPENS] 803 00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,323 Just close the door be... I'll get it. 804 00:33:29,823 --> 00:33:32,200 ♪♪ 805 00:33:32,731 --> 00:33:35,691 DELILAH: ♪ Where they beg all-in for me to sit on ♪ 806 00:33:35,819 --> 00:33:39,652 ♪ I'd sit on that man all day long ♪ 807 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:42,206 ♪ And play and go whee, whee... ♪ 808 00:33:42,231 --> 00:33:44,113 Aah! Good cuz! 809 00:33:44,451 --> 00:33:47,550 How didst thou fare on thy first and inaugural day? 810 00:33:47,575 --> 00:33:50,119 Was it wonderfully wondrous? Tell me. Tell me all. 811 00:33:50,144 --> 00:33:51,144 [CRYING] 812 00:33:51,448 --> 00:33:52,448 Oh. 813 00:33:53,971 --> 00:33:56,072 [SOBBING] 814 00:33:57,075 --> 00:33:58,345 There, there. 815 00:34:00,014 --> 00:34:01,474 Let it all out. 816 00:34:01,499 --> 00:34:03,000 [SOBBING] 817 00:34:03,038 --> 00:34:06,721 Whatever it is, it'll all be fine. 818 00:34:07,610 --> 00:34:11,533 ♪♪ 819 00:34:12,323 --> 00:34:15,799 How can you have known me for one day and be nicer to me 820 00:34:15,824 --> 00:34:18,392 than the people who were supposed to be in my wedding? 821 00:34:19,332 --> 00:34:20,332 [SCOFFS] 822 00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:25,721 Because... you're one of us now. 823 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,744 You're faire-mily. 824 00:34:32,032 --> 00:34:34,189 Oh, I don't know about that. 825 00:34:35,486 --> 00:34:37,502 This feels good. 826 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,000 [GASPS] 827 00:34:40,741 --> 00:34:42,299 That's your Faire name. 828 00:34:44,027 --> 00:34:45,674 Something "Feelsgood." 829 00:34:46,832 --> 00:34:47,869 Titania. 830 00:34:48,247 --> 00:34:49,713 Okay, uh... 831 00:34:49,738 --> 00:34:50,955 Miranda. 832 00:34:51,888 --> 00:34:52,888 Uh... 833 00:34:53,773 --> 00:34:55,916 - Olivia. - Ophelia? 834 00:34:56,503 --> 00:34:58,322 Hamlet's Ophelia lost her mind. 835 00:34:58,347 --> 00:35:00,056 It seems weirdly appropriate. 836 00:35:01,815 --> 00:35:04,338 There you go. [LAUGHS] 837 00:35:04,722 --> 00:35:07,127 Ophelia Feelsgood. 838 00:35:07,650 --> 00:35:08,994 It's perfect. 839 00:35:13,197 --> 00:35:14,197 Hey. 840 00:35:15,470 --> 00:35:17,455 What job around here makes the most money? 841 00:35:18,193 --> 00:35:21,905 [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 842 00:35:21,930 --> 00:35:23,838 Huzzah for the tipper! 843 00:35:24,191 --> 00:35:26,360 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 844 00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:27,908 ♪♪ 845 00:35:27,933 --> 00:35:29,852 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 846 00:35:29,877 --> 00:35:33,330 ♪♪ 847 00:35:33,355 --> 00:35:36,072 - Huzzah! Huzzah! - Huzzah! 848 00:35:36,196 --> 00:35:38,228 Huzzah for the tipper! 849 00:35:39,254 --> 00:35:41,213 More chest, less shoulders. 850 00:35:41,412 --> 00:35:43,260 Huzzah for the tipper. 851 00:35:43,872 --> 00:35:45,650 Better. We'll work on it. 852 00:35:45,799 --> 00:35:47,674 ♪♪ 853 00:35:48,364 --> 00:35:50,642 You know, I thought this would feel degrading, 854 00:35:50,667 --> 00:35:54,338 humiliating, and offensive, but I'm actually having fun. 855 00:35:54,363 --> 00:35:56,991 Good! As long as you're not an alcoholic. 856 00:35:57,016 --> 00:35:58,228 That's how we lost Gina. 857 00:35:58,253 --> 00:35:59,697 - Huh. - Mm-hmm. 858 00:36:01,059 --> 00:36:02,978 You don't happen to have a Sharpie, do you? 859 00:36:03,003 --> 00:36:04,619 Indeed, mistress. 860 00:36:06,001 --> 00:36:09,431 Behold, the Quill of Permanence. 861 00:36:10,678 --> 00:36:14,056 SHART: But if you don't have any coins, we also accept sexual favors. 862 00:36:14,081 --> 00:36:15,853 DAVID: Please don't put those in the hat. 863 00:36:16,033 --> 00:36:17,728 Uh, they make the coins sticky. 864 00:36:18,063 --> 00:36:22,580 ♪♪ 865 00:36:45,098 --> 00:36:46,313 MAN: God save the Queen! 866 00:36:46,338 --> 00:36:48,156 MAN 2: God save the Queen! 867 00:36:48,181 --> 00:36:50,781 - God save the Queen! - God save the Queen! 868 00:36:50,806 --> 00:36:54,844 ♪♪ 869 00:36:59,396 --> 00:37:01,328 Stop! Courtiers, halt. 870 00:37:01,353 --> 00:37:02,399 Halt! 871 00:37:02,595 --> 00:37:03,595 Oh. 872 00:37:03,954 --> 00:37:04,954 Steady. 873 00:37:09,792 --> 00:37:11,168 Oh, Your Majesty. 874 00:37:11,193 --> 00:37:13,594 Uh, excuse me, but would it be possible 875 00:37:13,619 --> 00:37:15,525 if I could get a picture of you with my daughter? 876 00:37:15,549 --> 00:37:16,758 [CHUCKLES] 877 00:37:20,740 --> 00:37:22,188 - Of course. - Oh. 878 00:37:22,855 --> 00:37:24,438 - Oh, yeah. - Hello. 879 00:37:24,463 --> 00:37:25,463 Okay. 880 00:37:26,454 --> 00:37:27,789 - Hi, little one. - Okay. 881 00:37:28,909 --> 00:37:31,977 - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - Oh, thank you, Your Grace. 882 00:37:32,002 --> 00:37:33,250 Come here. 883 00:37:33,639 --> 00:37:35,695 Uh, may I show you something? 884 00:37:35,980 --> 00:37:39,203 My mom took this when... when I was a baby. 885 00:37:40,075 --> 00:37:42,930 - Oh. - This is, uh, you 886 00:37:43,017 --> 00:37:44,017 holding me. 887 00:37:44,225 --> 00:37:46,053 Indeed. 888 00:37:47,498 --> 00:37:48,716 And how old... 889 00:37:49,247 --> 00:37:50,286 Never mind. 890 00:37:50,915 --> 00:37:53,131 'Tis a portrait most wondrous. 891 00:37:53,622 --> 00:37:56,888 Thank thee, mistress, and blessings upon you 892 00:37:56,913 --> 00:37:59,334 and your most glorious progeny. 893 00:38:00,123 --> 00:38:01,623 Oh, no, please. 894 00:38:01,648 --> 00:38:03,326 That's a copy for you. 895 00:38:03,721 --> 00:38:05,539 Thank you, Your Majesty. 896 00:38:07,531 --> 00:38:09,476 You see how much you mean to people? 897 00:38:10,147 --> 00:38:11,445 To some people. 898 00:38:11,937 --> 00:38:14,898 As long as men can breathe or eyes can see, 899 00:38:15,134 --> 00:38:16,937 so long lives this. 900 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,294 And this gives life to thee. 901 00:38:19,552 --> 00:38:22,075 So long lives this. 902 00:38:22,834 --> 00:38:25,231 So very, very long. 903 00:38:25,256 --> 00:38:27,426 Ah, this could be yesterday. 904 00:38:27,451 --> 00:38:28,911 Ah, would that it were, 905 00:38:29,035 --> 00:38:31,294 for then I could enjoy my reign all over again. 906 00:38:31,319 --> 00:38:33,051 [CHORTLES] 907 00:38:33,076 --> 00:38:35,380 And especially your friendship. 908 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,622 You're high. 909 00:38:38,128 --> 00:38:40,051 Only a tiny, tiny little bit. 910 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:43,739 Courtiers, musicians, good gentles all, 911 00:38:43,764 --> 00:38:45,809 our parade resumes! 912 00:38:45,834 --> 00:38:48,045 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 913 00:38:56,073 --> 00:39:00,057 ♪♪ 914 00:39:21,356 --> 00:39:24,862 [VIBRATOR BUZZING] 915 00:39:27,385 --> 00:39:28,705 Keep it clean and dry. 916 00:39:28,730 --> 00:39:30,035 The stitches will dissolve on their own. 917 00:39:30,059 --> 00:39:32,168 And be sure you complete the full course of antibiotics. 918 00:39:32,192 --> 00:39:34,729 Gotcha. And, uh, how do you feel 919 00:39:34,754 --> 00:39:36,534 about aggressive nipple play? 920 00:39:37,273 --> 00:39:38,479 For me or for you? 921 00:39:38,848 --> 00:39:40,495 [CHUCKLES] Ow. 922 00:39:44,129 --> 00:39:50,343 ♪ Oh, open up, p-parachute ♪ 923 00:39:50,368 --> 00:39:53,805 - ♪ I've got a lot of livin' to do ♪ - [LISPING] Oh! Pizzle! 924 00:39:53,830 --> 00:39:56,555 - It's me! - ♪ Open up, parachute ♪ 925 00:39:56,580 --> 00:39:58,110 P-Pizzle? Uh... 926 00:39:58,304 --> 00:39:59,525 David. 927 00:40:01,693 --> 00:40:07,290 ♪ When choosin' to see the bird's-eye view ♪ 928 00:40:07,441 --> 00:40:10,716 ♪ Didn't know what I was gettin' into ♪ 929 00:40:10,741 --> 00:40:12,892 So, did you, like, have to study and stuff 930 00:40:12,917 --> 00:40:14,987 - to be Queen? - ♪ Please, open up, parachute ♪ 931 00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:18,057 No, it's an inherited position, like an actual monarchy. 932 00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,831 Whoa. Cool. 933 00:40:19,856 --> 00:40:21,596 Of course I had to study. 934 00:40:21,978 --> 00:40:22,978 Okay. 935 00:40:23,003 --> 00:40:24,838 [BOTH PANTING] 936 00:40:25,081 --> 00:40:28,084 Um, Elizabeth was called the Virgin Queen, you know. 937 00:40:28,109 --> 00:40:30,643 - [CHUCKLES] - So you're a virgin? 938 00:40:31,872 --> 00:40:34,249 That's right. [CHUCKLES] 939 00:40:34,274 --> 00:40:35,370 Now say it. 940 00:40:35,813 --> 00:40:37,815 Say I'm your dirty virgin queen. 941 00:40:38,453 --> 00:40:39,907 I'm your dirty virgin queen. 942 00:40:39,932 --> 00:40:41,870 Ugh, not you, peasant. Me! 943 00:40:42,241 --> 00:40:44,143 O-Oh. You're my dirty virgin queen. 944 00:40:44,168 --> 00:40:45,628 Oh, how dare you? Say it again. 945 00:40:45,653 --> 00:40:46,846 You're my dirty virgin queen. 946 00:40:46,871 --> 00:40:48,956 Oh, you naughty little stable boy! 947 00:40:48,981 --> 00:40:52,799 [SHRIEKING] 948 00:40:54,848 --> 00:40:58,175 Oh! Guards, take him away. 949 00:40:58,465 --> 00:41:01,865 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 64384

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