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I've dreamed of this day since forever.
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I started clipping from bridal magazines
3
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when I was 8.
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The dress, the flowers, the venue.
5
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By the time I was 20,
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I'd collaged the most perfect wedding.
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Even my mother approved.
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But you, my almost husband,
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you had yet to manifest.
10
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I started to lose hope.
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But then, like a
knight in shining Zegna,
12
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:31,195
you stuck your hand between
two closing subway doors for me
13
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and smiled.
14
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Very nice.
15
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You don't think it's too much?
16
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Everybody loves Pink Powder Pout.
17
00:00:38,507 --> 00:00:39,578
No, I meant the vows.
18
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Your vows are as
perfect as your eyebrows.
19
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:43,623
How come you got the good eyebrows?
20
00:00:43,648 --> 00:00:44,961
Your story is so good.
21
00:00:45,173 --> 00:00:47,175
You think it's too late
to rewrite mine and Joel's?
22
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,786
Something that doesn't include
a mix-up at the dermatologist?
23
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,445
Lily, I'm collecting advice on marriage.
24
00:00:52,445 --> 00:00:54,429
How do you and Tom keep things fresh?
25
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Food and sex.
26
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Make them think you like both,
27
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,552
- you'll have a happy couple.
- I do.
28
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Cut the food in half and triple the sex.
29
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,195
You ladies want a drink? Champagne.
30
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:04,599
- Yes, please.
- Bring the bottle.
31
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♪ Let me give myself a hand ♪
32
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- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
- Faster, bridezilla.
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Monique Lhuillier does not forgive.
34
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I'm going as fast as I can, bitch.
35
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Not my fault there's
no SoulCycle up here.
36
00:01:15,812 --> 00:01:17,772
Thank God they had yoga in the gazebo.
37
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Bumpkin yoga, but at
least it was something.
38
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Civilization!
39
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Faster!
40
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♪ I want it ♪
41
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♪ Imma treat myself ♪
42
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♪ I want it ♪
43
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- Do you have LaCroix?
- La what?
44
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Bubbly water? Flavor, no sugar?
45
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We got ginger ale.
46
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Mmkay. Awesome.
47
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Thank you so much.
48
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You were all about my
wedding being up here
49
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- when we were planning it.
- That's because we were in Aspen
50
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when we were planning it.
51
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A summer wedding in the country
52
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- sounded just warmer to me at the time.
- [BELL RINGS]
53
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Ew.
54
00:01:53,958 --> 00:01:55,048
See?
55
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,326
Someone up here is
having a theme wedding.
56
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I'm telling you, I look
very right in 1930s chic.
57
00:02:00,805 --> 00:02:02,348
We could've done the whole
"Downton Abbey" thing.
58
00:02:02,348 --> 00:02:04,433
- Okay, tick check.
- What, we're on to Lyme now?
59
00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,352
- What happened to Zika?
- I made the wedding planner
60
00:02:06,352 --> 00:02:08,565
do a citronella perimeter
around the ceremony.
61
00:02:08,590 --> 00:02:11,386
You're welcome for your
beautiful, bug-free wedding.
62
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- Not like mine.
- Your wedding was beautiful.
63
00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:16,575
It was Modern Orthodox
in a temple social hall.
64
00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:18,047
All for Joel's bitch mother.
65
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,407
Hey, our mom's a bitch, too.
66
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,367
Yeah, well, at least
she doesn't keep kosher.
67
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,286
I couldn't even have
buttercream frosting.
68
00:02:23,286 --> 00:02:25,552
Sorry, "Cake Boss."
Nobody likes fondant.
69
00:02:25,577 --> 00:02:28,155
JENNY: God ye good den, fair maidens.
70
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Might I retrieve a Dew of the Mountain?
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[CHUCKLES]
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♪♪
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Thank thee.
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♪♪
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Yeah, that's who does a theme wedding.
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♪♪
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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LEXI: I cannot get over this place.
79
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It's like that place my dads took me to
80
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in France after I got
bat mitzvahed at Masada.
81
00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:03,326
The French countryside?
82
00:03:03,326 --> 00:03:04,952
Yes, that.
83
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,412
Ah, so pretty.
84
00:03:06,412 --> 00:03:08,289
We talked about France,
but Brett has that thing
85
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,514
where he takes on the accent.
86
00:03:09,539 --> 00:03:10,957
Ugh, he did that with my house cleaner.
87
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ERIN: Check it, bitches.
88
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[CHEERS]
89
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- Pretty. So pretty.
- Oh, my God.
90
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Ahh!
91
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,616
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
92
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,235
Guys, I'm in my Spanx.
93
00:03:21,682 --> 00:03:22,845
- I posted.
- Me too.
94
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:23,612
- Delete.
- Got it.
95
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:24,221
- Deleted.
- Done.
96
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:25,246
Oh, sorry.
97
00:03:25,510 --> 00:03:27,325
Now, from the collar bone up.
98
00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:28,476
Perf!
99
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:30,186
- Adding a filter.
- So good.
100
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:31,583
What hashtag are you guys using?
101
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Oh, my God, you guys, look.
102
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Two years ago today.
103
00:03:35,228 --> 00:03:36,863
Oh.
104
00:03:37,266 --> 00:03:39,761
Now, that would've
been good wedding hair.
105
00:03:40,149 --> 00:03:41,692
I remember this night.
106
00:03:41,717 --> 00:03:43,758
We took edibles, and
I thought I was dying.
107
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Oh, barely felt them.
108
00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:46,971
What? I have a high tolerance.
109
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Yeah, and then you and Farah
left me alone to sleep it off.
110
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:50,473
[LAUGHING] Oh, yeah.
111
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,339
But Brett stayed with me all night.
112
00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:54,324
I puked in front of him.
113
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I don't even do that in front of my mom.
114
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Because she critiques your form.
115
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"Don't strain.
116
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You'll pop a blood vessel in your eye."
117
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,051
[LAUGHTER]
118
00:04:02,051 --> 00:04:04,582
He didn't care that I was
a disgusting train wreck.
119
00:04:04,607 --> 00:04:07,144
I felt so safe in his big, scruffy arms.
120
00:04:07,169 --> 00:04:08,741
You made him wax the scruff, though.
121
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,605
- Gone.
- Lexi, grab the crinoline.
122
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,178
Aww, is that your mom's veil?
123
00:04:13,203 --> 00:04:14,288
No.
124
00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:15,504
[CHUCKLES] It's mine.
125
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I might be miserable,
126
00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:18,292
but I'm still on husband number one,
127
00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:19,886
so we thought it had better juju.
128
00:04:20,736 --> 00:04:22,652
[GASPS] Holy...
129
00:04:22,677 --> 00:04:24,371
Gwyneth is here!
130
00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:25,683
- Gwyneth's here.
- [SQUEALS]
131
00:04:25,708 --> 00:04:27,668
Oh, yay, she made it.
132
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Her prenatal smoothie recipes
are totally how we conceived.
133
00:04:30,746 --> 00:04:32,415
Oh, good, good, good.
134
00:04:32,415 --> 00:04:35,126
Gwynnie's here. [LAUGHS] Gwynnie's here.
135
00:04:35,126 --> 00:04:38,379
Oh, Erin, remind me to ask her
for Blythe's e-mail address.
136
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,714
The one she gave me, I don't know,
137
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,215
it just keeps bouncing back.
138
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,383
- Imagine that.
- Erin.
139
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,676
On it. Mom, we got you
140
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:45,807
your very own mother-of-the-bride suite.
141
00:04:45,832 --> 00:04:47,316
[GASPS]
142
00:04:47,794 --> 00:04:49,171
Oh, Mandy.
143
00:04:49,196 --> 00:04:52,824
[CHUCKLES] Oh, Mandy, my Amanda.
144
00:04:52,849 --> 00:04:56,574
You look like an angel.
145
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,676
A Jewish one... the best kind.
146
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,332
Oh, and you're still
wearing that ballerina dress.
147
00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:05,339
- In her underwear.
- And we're out.
148
00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:06,365
Come on. Move along.
149
00:05:06,365 --> 00:05:07,700
Darling, darling.
150
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:08,868
Let's get you more to drink.
151
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:10,016
Oh, good.
152
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,345
- [CELLPHONE RINGING]
- Oh, my God.
153
00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:12,663
Ooh, it's Brett.
154
00:05:12,663 --> 00:05:13,690
He wants to FaceTime.
155
00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:15,224
- Don't let him see you.
- Get it.
156
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,674
- It's bad luck.
- It's fine. It's fine.
157
00:05:16,776 --> 00:05:17,902
Hey, sweetie.
158
00:05:17,935 --> 00:05:18,978
[BRETT MOANING]
159
00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:20,855
Babe? Brett?
160
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,481
Wait. Is your volume down? Give me that.
161
00:05:22,712 --> 00:05:24,395
Brett, I think you butt-dialed me.
162
00:05:25,372 --> 00:05:26,739
Yeah, baby.
163
00:05:26,928 --> 00:05:29,280
[MOANING CONTINUES]
164
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What?
165
00:05:31,807 --> 00:05:33,497
Yeah, baby. Yeah. Yeah, right there.
166
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:34,981
Oh, my God. Oh.
167
00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:37,413
[GIN WIGMORE'S "MAN LIKE THAT" PLAYS]
168
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♪♪
169
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,981
♪ Girl, you better wake up ♪
170
00:05:47,592 --> 00:05:48,843
♪ Girl, you better run ♪
171
00:05:48,991 --> 00:05:50,159
♪ He's gone ♪
172
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:51,455
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
173
00:05:52,542 --> 00:05:54,057
Come back!
174
00:05:54,082 --> 00:05:55,598
Follow her. Where are all the cars?
175
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,998
The photographers from Town & Country
176
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,287
said they didn't want
them in the foreground.
177
00:05:58,312 --> 00:05:59,654
Ugh, them must've parked
them down the hill.
178
00:05:59,679 --> 00:06:00,935
Ugh!
179
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,685
Oh, stop being so dramatic.
180
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:05,649
Okay, you realize that is hilarious
181
00:06:05,674 --> 00:06:06,675
coming from you, right?
182
00:06:06,675 --> 00:06:07,873
Opa!
183
00:06:08,549 --> 00:06:13,193
Now, who wants the mystery pill
from the bottom of my purse?
184
00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:14,450
Mom!
185
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,684
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
186
00:06:15,684 --> 00:06:16,896
♪ Tells you that he loves you ♪
187
00:06:16,921 --> 00:06:18,938
♪ Ooh, ooh, then he takes it all back ♪
188
00:06:18,938 --> 00:06:20,320
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
189
00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:21,556
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
190
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,916
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder
'bout a man like that ♪
191
00:06:23,941 --> 00:06:26,095
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder
'bout a man like that ♪
192
00:06:26,617 --> 00:06:27,702
[MOANING]
193
00:06:27,727 --> 00:06:28,923
Are you out of your mind?
194
00:06:28,948 --> 00:06:30,866
[GASPS]
195
00:06:30,866 --> 00:06:32,623
- You... how could you?
- Amanda... Amanda, wait, wait,
196
00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:33,828
- wait, wait.
- Wait? Wait for what?
197
00:06:33,853 --> 00:06:35,796
I'm not... I'm not having
an affair. I love you.
198
00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:37,413
On our wedding day?
199
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,210
- Shh, calm down, calm down.
- Oh, Brett!
200
00:06:39,235 --> 00:06:40,695
Let's talk about this, okay?
201
00:06:40,918 --> 00:06:43,367
Calm down. Okay?
202
00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:45,189
Is that a real-life hooker?
203
00:06:45,214 --> 00:06:46,521
- Excuse me?
- No.
204
00:06:46,546 --> 00:06:48,389
- Then, who is it?
- Hey, look at me, look at me.
205
00:06:48,414 --> 00:06:50,236
It was nothing. Look, a leftover
206
00:06:50,261 --> 00:06:51,345
from the bar last night,
207
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:52,467
a last hurrah.
208
00:06:55,221 --> 00:06:56,772
It is out of my system now,
209
00:06:57,121 --> 00:07:00,319
and we are getting married today.
210
00:07:00,549 --> 00:07:01,997
We're going to St. Barts tomorrow
211
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,803
because, Amanda Klein, you...
212
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,928
you make my life complete.
213
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:09,697
[SCREAMS]
214
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:13,499
♪♪
215
00:07:13,524 --> 00:07:15,217
It's "you complete me," ...
216
00:07:20,332 --> 00:07:22,430
[COUGHS]
217
00:07:22,889 --> 00:07:24,430
[GASPING]
218
00:07:24,854 --> 00:07:28,258
♪♪
219
00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:30,430
Oh...
220
00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:38,814
♪♪
221
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,262
♪ Girl, you better wake up ♪
222
00:07:43,287 --> 00:07:44,415
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- Ugh!
223
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,441
♪ Girl, you better run ♪
224
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:46,609
♪ He's gone ♪
225
00:07:46,609 --> 00:07:47,918
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
226
00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:50,070
♪ Faster than a bullet
comin' outta that gun ♪
227
00:07:50,356 --> 00:07:51,519
Congratulations!
228
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,965
She's not answering,
229
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:55,269
but I think the wedding is probably off.
230
00:07:55,294 --> 00:07:57,469
Because of a little oral? Oh, please.
231
00:07:57,494 --> 00:07:58,840
If I called off every
wedding because of that...
232
00:07:58,865 --> 00:07:59,902
Not now, Mom.
233
00:07:59,927 --> 00:08:01,140
Wait, who is this bitch?
234
00:08:01,165 --> 00:08:02,285
Do we know her?
235
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,684
We know some very horrible people.
236
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,895
I don't know, and I don't care.
237
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,559
What I do care about is
that, according to Brett,
238
00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:10,149
Amanda assaulted the hooker,
239
00:08:10,174 --> 00:08:12,259
and now there may be a legal situation.
240
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,176
- Drama.
- Oh, for God's sake,
241
00:08:14,201 --> 00:08:16,161
how badly was this woman hurt?
242
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,781
Joel treated her immediately after
243
00:08:17,806 --> 00:08:19,475
and says she has a concussion,
244
00:08:19,475 --> 00:08:21,226
and based on the angle of how she fell,
245
00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:25,064
I guess... she bit off
the tip of her tongue.
246
00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:26,190
[GASPS] Aw, gross.
247
00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:27,775
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, that's disgusting.
248
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:31,070
And... she swallowed it.
249
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:32,107
- Ugh!
- Holy...
250
00:08:32,132 --> 00:08:34,175
How many Weight Watchers points is that?
251
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,133
Well, it's not Amanda's fault
252
00:08:36,158 --> 00:08:38,254
that that hooker bit off her own tongue.
253
00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:39,489
It might be.
254
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:40,879
Come on!
255
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:44,625
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
256
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,418
♪♪
257
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:50,029
[AMANDA PANTING AND CRYING]
258
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,910
Oh, God.
259
00:08:52,648 --> 00:08:58,105
♪♪
260
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,986
Oh, God.
261
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,988
[CRIES]
262
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:17,434
♪♪
263
00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:20,168
[GRUNTING]
264
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:23,559
Okay. Okay.
265
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,834
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
266
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:27,848
It's okay.
267
00:09:28,085 --> 00:09:29,160
[CHUCKLES]
268
00:09:29,296 --> 00:09:30,296
It's okay.
269
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:34,730
Oh, no.
270
00:09:37,023 --> 00:09:38,223
Oh, no. My phone.
271
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:41,129
My phone.
272
00:09:43,475 --> 00:09:45,746
[GRUNTS]
273
00:09:46,395 --> 00:09:48,473
[SCREECHES]
274
00:09:49,580 --> 00:09:51,916
[CRYING]
275
00:09:51,941 --> 00:09:55,144
♪♪
276
00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:08,680
[RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
277
00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:11,176
Ugh, theme wedding.
278
00:10:11,201 --> 00:10:12,707
[SNIFFLES, SOBBING]
279
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:18,629
♪♪
280
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:30,622
Excuse me, Father, I could
really use some water.
281
00:10:30,647 --> 00:10:32,191
[BRITISH ACCENT] Pretty
lady, thou looks like
282
00:10:32,191 --> 00:10:33,776
thou couldst use a drink.
283
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:34,801
Here.
284
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,207
[COUGHS]
285
00:10:37,232 --> 00:10:39,277
Aye, miss. It's the Devil's brew,
286
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,408
fire from the Scots, not
for the faint of heart.
287
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,127
- Water?
- Oh, yeah, here, child.
288
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:49,659
♪♪
289
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,202
Is this beer?
290
00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:54,772
That's a fine ale to wash
down the Devil's brew.
291
00:10:54,797 --> 00:10:56,321
Look, I really need a phone.
292
00:10:56,346 --> 00:10:57,549
It's kind of an emergency.
293
00:10:57,549 --> 00:10:58,592
Phone?
294
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:00,924
Now, what be a phone?
295
00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:10,159
This must be some wedding,
because you... are wasted.
296
00:11:10,455 --> 00:11:12,643
For sooth most verily...
297
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,463
Yeah, I am, I am.
298
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:21,070
♪♪
299
00:11:21,657 --> 00:11:25,994
♪ Landlord, fill the flowing
bowl until it doth run over ♪
300
00:11:25,994 --> 00:11:30,290
♪ Landlord, fill the flowing
bowl until it doth run over ♪
301
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,543
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
302
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:34,711
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
303
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:36,463
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
304
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,799
Why wasn't I shown this site?
305
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:41,065
♪ Tomorrow we'll be sober ♪
306
00:11:41,189 --> 00:11:43,066
♪ Here's to the man drinks water pure ♪
307
00:11:43,091 --> 00:11:45,823
♪ And goes to bed quite sober ♪
308
00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:48,682
Probably had to use the
in-house catering, right?
309
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,619
Uh, beg thy pardon?
310
00:11:50,994 --> 00:11:52,815
Oh, I'm on the bride's side.
311
00:11:54,356 --> 00:11:55,356
Oh!
312
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:57,793
Cry your mercy, mistress.
313
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,027
No problem.
314
00:11:59,027 --> 00:12:00,445
Maybe it'll get the blood out.
315
00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:03,490
Please, do accept this
mead as recompense.
316
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,409
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
317
00:12:05,409 --> 00:12:07,286
♪ Here's to the man
who drinks strong ale ♪
318
00:12:07,286 --> 00:12:09,580
♪ And goes to bed quite mellow ♪
319
00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:12,166
♪ He lives as he ought to live ♪
320
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,917
I shall go get more.
321
00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:17,087
♪ He lives as he ought to live ♪
322
00:12:17,087 --> 00:12:20,135
♪ And dies a jolly good fellow ♪
323
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,524
♪ Here's to the girl who steals a kiss ♪
324
00:12:22,549 --> 00:12:25,705
Hey, can I use your phone?
325
00:12:27,291 --> 00:12:29,962
Ah, thou must mean the
little portrait maker
326
00:12:29,987 --> 00:12:31,351
I do carry with me.
327
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,994
It doth also serve as a
carrier pigeon, know ye.
328
00:12:36,784 --> 00:12:39,541
♪ She'll never get another ♪
329
00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:41,151
Holy...
330
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:43,807
I don't know anyone's numbers.
331
00:12:44,775 --> 00:12:46,110
Beg pardon?
332
00:12:46,135 --> 00:12:47,610
No, I'm not kidding. I mean, I know...
333
00:12:47,635 --> 00:12:49,579
I know mine, but I
don't know anyone else's.
334
00:12:49,604 --> 00:12:50,704
Ah.
335
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,247
How the hell are people
supposed to communicate
336
00:12:52,247 --> 00:12:53,624
without a phone?
337
00:12:53,624 --> 00:12:55,784
Do you not get it? I
do not have my phone.
338
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:01,356
Ma'am, does thou need to see
the village apothecary perchance?
339
00:13:01,612 --> 00:13:03,675
Okay, your commitment to this theme
340
00:13:03,675 --> 00:13:05,719
is seriously, like, next-level.
341
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:08,680
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
342
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:13,141
♪ Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink ♪
343
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:16,463
♪ Tomorrow we'll be sober ♪
344
00:13:16,488 --> 00:13:17,948
[APPLAUSE]
345
00:13:17,981 --> 00:13:19,166
[CLEARS THROAT]
346
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:23,260
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
347
00:13:24,369 --> 00:13:26,406
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Well played, musicians,
348
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:29,326
and well met, good gentles.
349
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:34,581
I, your glorious queen, do
welcome thee, my subjects,
350
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:38,119
gathered here at the end of
another day in Shropshire,
351
00:13:38,227 --> 00:13:42,580
where each summer I take
my progress, where mine...
352
00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,299
Oof, is she officiating?
353
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:46,802
In the words of the bard,
354
00:13:46,802 --> 00:13:50,055
if music be the food of love, play on.
355
00:13:50,055 --> 00:13:52,596
[CROWD SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
356
00:13:52,621 --> 00:13:55,452
William, please approach.
357
00:13:55,477 --> 00:13:59,606
[APPLAUSE]
358
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,688
Cute idea for the groom.
359
00:14:01,713 --> 00:14:02,901
ALL: Shh!
360
00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:05,070
Wilt thou provide us
with some parting words
361
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,454
as the day ends?
362
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,383
[BRITISH ACCENT] Ah, Your Majesty,
it would be mine honor.
363
00:14:09,408 --> 00:14:13,040
For you, England's most precious jewel.
364
00:14:13,065 --> 00:14:16,915
ALL: Hear, hear!
365
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,471
One half of me is yours.
366
00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:22,969
The other half... yours.
367
00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:24,589
- Thank you.
- [AUDIENCE "AWWS"]
368
00:14:24,589 --> 00:14:26,633
Huh. "Merchant of Venice."
369
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,659
The anti-Semitic play.
370
00:14:29,127 --> 00:14:32,447
- But romantic, flirty.
- MAGGIE: Bravo, dear William.
371
00:14:32,634 --> 00:14:35,422
She's the bride. I got it now.
372
00:14:35,447 --> 00:14:38,375
I have penned yet another simple musing
373
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,400
- on thy royal life.
- Ooh.
374
00:14:40,425 --> 00:14:41,619
[CLEARS THROAT]
375
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:46,278
You may my glories and my state depose,
376
00:14:46,278 --> 00:14:48,739
but not my griefs.
377
00:14:48,739 --> 00:14:51,642
Still am I king of those.
378
00:14:52,494 --> 00:14:55,353
Ah, such true words.
379
00:14:55,806 --> 00:14:59,945
'Tis from my newest play,
entitled "Richard III."
380
00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:01,935
[APPLAUSE]
381
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,369
Um, no, it's not.
382
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:06,757
Dear maiden, that be
the bard of Avon himself,
383
00:15:06,757 --> 00:15:08,508
William Shakespeare.
384
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:12,641
Okay, well, he be wrong about
hith owneth playeth, then.
385
00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,859
Please be quiet. Her
Majesty is speaking.
386
00:15:15,884 --> 00:15:17,102
Who, the bride?
387
00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:18,955
Sorry. Queen Elizabeth.
388
00:15:19,697 --> 00:15:21,938
Do not disrespect Her Majesty.
389
00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:23,857
Well, somebody ought to tell her
390
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,134
that King Elizabeth isn't up on his...
391
00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:30,064
Dude. Shut up.
392
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:33,383
Dude, you shut up, jack off.
393
00:15:33,408 --> 00:15:36,703
Who the hell are you anyway,
some strange, crazy pirate?
394
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,038
Hey, you want to go?
395
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:41,090
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
396
00:15:41,115 --> 00:15:42,166
MAGGIE: Hark!
397
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:46,384
What be the meaning of this disruption?
398
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,901
Uh, uh... God save the queen!
399
00:15:50,926 --> 00:15:52,761
ALL: God save the queen!
400
00:15:52,761 --> 00:15:53,887
Jesus!
401
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:55,336
BO: Forgive us, Your Majesty,
402
00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:57,808
for this maid be most truly in her cups.
403
00:15:57,808 --> 00:15:59,226
[LAUGHTER]
404
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,477
You know it.
405
00:16:00,477 --> 00:16:02,020
Double-sided tape.
406
00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:05,065
Ah, a dear lost beggar's doxy.
407
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:08,068
[LAUGHTER]
408
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,970
[CHUCKLES] Look, ma'am.
409
00:16:12,469 --> 00:16:16,051
Quee... Sorry for interrupting
your little wedding here.
410
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,259
Wedding?
411
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:20,916
And whose nuptials might
we all be attending?
412
00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:25,727
Oh.
413
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,964
[LAUGHTER]
414
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,387
Oh, my dear lost child,
415
00:16:35,387 --> 00:16:39,469
I am married first and
foremost to mine country,
416
00:16:39,494 --> 00:16:41,560
- mine England.
- ALL: Hear, hear.
417
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,336
And this man hither be but
a consort of my high court.
418
00:16:44,361 --> 00:16:45,480
Okay, okay, fine.
419
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,065
Consort. Don't consort.
420
00:16:47,182 --> 00:16:49,797
FYI, though, he doesn't know
what play his own quote's from.
421
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:51,557
That is preposterous.
422
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:55,750
God. Men, right?
423
00:16:55,775 --> 00:16:58,500
"I know this play I wrote so well."
424
00:16:58,525 --> 00:17:01,211
Or, or, "I got it
fully out of my system."
425
00:17:01,236 --> 00:17:03,875
Or, "It's your fault she's
all covered in blood, Amanda."
426
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:07,680
So, even if this...
this... whatever this is
427
00:17:07,705 --> 00:17:09,211
is not a wedding,
428
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,650
you should all know that men are pigs.
429
00:17:12,149 --> 00:17:13,483
And he's gay.
430
00:17:13,508 --> 00:17:14,759
DAVID: [BRITISH ACCENT] She be right!
431
00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:16,094
[SPECTATORS GASP]
432
00:17:16,094 --> 00:17:18,235
About the play, I do mean.
433
00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,188
Such a wretched creature doth approach.
434
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,625
Your Majesty, may I beg a boon?
435
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:23,665
Why's he so gross?
436
00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,145
Speak, mud man.
437
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,897
Seriously, you guys, is he homeless?
438
00:17:26,897 --> 00:17:30,571
I, man of mud, orator of dirt,
439
00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:34,165
hero and defender of
the most vile sludge...
440
00:17:34,190 --> 00:17:35,282
To it, creature.
441
00:17:35,307 --> 00:17:37,696
I, Sir Pizzle Humpsalot,
442
00:17:37,721 --> 00:17:40,619
do put forth that the verse
by William Shakespeare be,
443
00:17:40,619 --> 00:17:44,680
as the maid did say, not
in sooth from "Richard III."
444
00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:46,924
Aha! Told ya.
445
00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:53,555
Sir Humpsalot, which play
did Shakespeare then quote?
446
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:54,966
"Henry V."
447
00:17:54,966 --> 00:17:56,438
- Nope.
- All right.
448
00:17:56,463 --> 00:18:00,955
And if I had my phone, I could prove it.
449
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:04,143
Come hither, you.
450
00:18:05,729 --> 00:18:07,541
- Go.
- Go.
451
00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:10,650
Approach.
452
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:16,463
♪♪
453
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:21,111
What be thy title?
454
00:18:23,745 --> 00:18:25,213
Thy name.
455
00:18:26,369 --> 00:18:28,221
Amanda Klein.
456
00:18:28,697 --> 00:18:30,799
Stay not your tongue, woman.
457
00:18:31,018 --> 00:18:34,158
From which play doth the quote come?
458
00:18:34,775 --> 00:18:36,682
"Richard II."
459
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,838
Uh, ffff.
460
00:18:40,276 --> 00:18:41,306
Ugh.
461
00:18:41,346 --> 00:18:43,979
The maid doth speak the truth.
462
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,142
Huzzah!
463
00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:47,894
ALL: Huzzah!
464
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:52,399
[APPLAUSE]
465
00:18:52,706 --> 00:18:55,244
Well met, young maid.
466
00:18:55,393 --> 00:18:59,354
Now, if thou wouldst not mind...
467
00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:02,744
Her Majesty will now end the faire day.
468
00:19:02,769 --> 00:19:05,408
Copy. Got it. Sorry.
469
00:19:05,776 --> 00:19:06,854
♪♪
470
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,005
Where's the bar?
471
00:19:08,107 --> 00:19:09,692
The pub be right this way.
472
00:19:09,717 --> 00:19:10,947
Thanks, Mr. Pizzalot.
473
00:19:10,972 --> 00:19:12,158
That be Humpsalot.
474
00:19:12,183 --> 00:19:13,299
Whatever.
475
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:14,908
They have more of that mead stuff?
476
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,596
It's like hard lemonade.
477
00:19:16,621 --> 00:19:19,415
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Barrels.
478
00:19:23,443 --> 00:19:27,299
[GASPS, BREATHES HEAVILY]
479
00:19:27,324 --> 00:19:29,785
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
480
00:19:33,916 --> 00:19:35,447
What?
481
00:19:36,245 --> 00:19:37,549
[NORMAL VOICE] Morning.
482
00:19:38,212 --> 00:19:39,880
[GASPS]
483
00:19:39,942 --> 00:19:41,235
[RETCHES, VOMITS]
484
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:42,768
I, uh...
485
00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:46,148
I'm gonna give you some space.
486
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:53,775
Bright. So bright.
487
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,291
Hey, there.
488
00:19:56,416 --> 00:19:57,895
Uh, coffee?
489
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:01,822
Yes, please.
490
00:20:14,849 --> 00:20:15,963
Thank you.
491
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:21,174
So... where am I?
492
00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:22,690
At the fairgrounds...
493
00:20:22,897 --> 00:20:25,057
just outside of where
you passed out last night.
494
00:20:25,394 --> 00:20:26,690
Oh, good, good.
495
00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:28,377
Right. The fairgrounds.
496
00:20:33,327 --> 00:20:35,697
Did I...?
497
00:20:36,077 --> 00:20:38,783
- Did we...
- Whoa, you tried,
498
00:20:39,079 --> 00:20:40,079
but no.
499
00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:42,556
I make it a point to
not date-rape people.
500
00:20:42,715 --> 00:20:44,830
It's just one of my
personal philosophies.
501
00:20:44,855 --> 00:20:45,947
- Good.
- Yeah.
502
00:20:45,972 --> 00:20:48,072
Good. That's really good.
503
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,291
And... And when you say "fairgrounds"...
504
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:54,392
Ren Faire... where you bested
William Shakespeare himself.
505
00:20:54,729 --> 00:20:56,791
I mean, I got no beef
with Brian personally,
506
00:20:56,816 --> 00:20:59,205
but he can be a huge...
about historical accuracy.
507
00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:00,517
So that was kind of awesome.
508
00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:03,336
Right, at the wedding.
509
00:21:03,361 --> 00:21:05,377
At the Renaissance Festival.
510
00:21:06,511 --> 00:21:07,511
Wow.
511
00:21:07,663 --> 00:21:09,408
Sounds like you got
into Friar Woodruff's
512
00:21:09,433 --> 00:21:10,705
homemade Devil Scotch.
513
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:14,205
Last time I had that, I woke
up in a boat on Lake Oswego...
514
00:21:14,637 --> 00:21:15,699
naked.
515
00:21:15,798 --> 00:21:16,966
Look, mud man...
516
00:21:16,991 --> 00:21:18,197
It's Pizzle Humpsalot,
517
00:21:18,679 --> 00:21:20,264
but you can call me David.
518
00:21:20,289 --> 00:21:22,416
Faire gates don't open till 10:00, so...
519
00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:24,441
David.
520
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,796
I don't know what a
Renaissance Festival is.
521
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:30,689
Also, I don't know any of
my family's phone numbers,
522
00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,721
and I seriously have to get
back to the Country Cottage...
523
00:21:33,022 --> 00:21:34,022
damn it.
524
00:21:34,674 --> 00:21:37,049
No, I can't go back there.
525
00:21:37,074 --> 00:21:38,978
Uh, you could e-mail.
526
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:40,591
Huh?
527
00:21:40,616 --> 00:21:41,900
Electronic mail?
528
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,658
The Wi-Fi on the grounds
is pretty terrible,
529
00:21:43,683 --> 00:21:44,869
but that's intentional, you know?
530
00:21:44,894 --> 00:21:46,564
Time period. Uh, but it's also why
531
00:21:46,589 --> 00:21:49,112
I have a router in the RV.
Easy now, she's first gen.
532
00:21:49,137 --> 00:21:50,635
I keep her in good condish.
533
00:21:52,023 --> 00:21:53,831
I guess I'll read the paper later.
534
00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:56,190
Please, you call the Post the paper?
535
00:21:56,460 --> 00:22:00,635
_
536
00:22:01,759 --> 00:22:02,759
[GASPS]
537
00:22:04,514 --> 00:22:05,776
You forget your login?
538
00:22:08,945 --> 00:22:11,385
So you've never heard of a Ren Faire,
539
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:14,330
but you came to a Ren
Faire dressed in full garb.
540
00:22:14,355 --> 00:22:15,635
It was Monique Lhuillier.
541
00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:17,971
And then you schooled every Rennie there
542
00:22:17,996 --> 00:22:19,010
in "Richard II."
543
00:22:19,035 --> 00:22:20,307
Can I ask how that happened?
544
00:22:22,344 --> 00:22:24,370
I wrote a paper on "Richard II."
545
00:22:24,949 --> 00:22:26,276
English major at Vassar.
546
00:22:26,301 --> 00:22:28,387
And then you opened up an English store?
547
00:22:28,483 --> 00:22:30,034
- Funny.
- Thanks.
548
00:22:30,628 --> 00:22:32,128
So...?
549
00:22:32,153 --> 00:22:35,143
So now I write freelance
for upscale-lifestyle sites
550
00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:37,034
in English, so...
551
00:22:38,752 --> 00:22:41,479
You know, lifestyle, wellness,
552
00:22:41,504 --> 00:22:43,487
and, like, clean beauty?
553
00:22:43,756 --> 00:22:45,889
- Jade eggs for up your [WHISTLES]?
- Mm.
554
00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,139
What's a Rennie?
555
00:22:51,398 --> 00:22:54,412
A Rennie is a person who works
at a Renaissance Festival.
556
00:22:55,052 --> 00:22:57,872
Like how a carny is a person
who works at a carnival.
557
00:22:57,897 --> 00:22:59,764
- Okay.
- Or a druggie is a person
558
00:22:59,789 --> 00:23:00,881
who works at a carnival.
559
00:23:00,906 --> 00:23:01,990
[CHUCKLES]
560
00:23:04,871 --> 00:23:07,600
So, what?
561
00:23:07,625 --> 00:23:09,967
You guys all pretend
to be Queen Elizabeth
562
00:23:09,992 --> 00:23:12,342
and run around and drink with nerds?
563
00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:15,584
You have anywhere to be this morning?
564
00:23:15,887 --> 00:23:18,557
[RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
565
00:23:18,582 --> 00:23:24,959
♪♪
566
00:23:24,984 --> 00:23:26,653
This is ringing a bell now.
567
00:23:26,678 --> 00:23:28,217
Yeah, parade should begin in a few.
568
00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:30,687
- Parade?
- But what parade can compare
569
00:23:30,712 --> 00:23:33,172
to the festivities within
filthy hearts and loins,
570
00:23:33,197 --> 00:23:34,273
eh, clean maiden?
571
00:23:34,298 --> 00:23:35,601
On the clock now. Got it.
572
00:23:35,626 --> 00:23:38,656
Uh, meet my best mates
and fellow muddy beggars,
573
00:23:38,681 --> 00:23:40,952
Shart O'Belly and Stick.
574
00:23:40,977 --> 00:23:42,538
Goodly day for a goodly woman
575
00:23:42,563 --> 00:23:45,359
to be embraced by a goodly mud beggar!
576
00:23:45,384 --> 00:23:46,413
Back it up.
577
00:23:47,053 --> 00:23:48,638
Shart is it?
578
00:23:48,663 --> 00:23:51,695
Aye. I was christened "Shart" in 1565.
579
00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:53,304
See, I went to simply break wind,
580
00:23:53,329 --> 00:23:55,484
but when I bent over
and spread me cheeks...
581
00:23:55,509 --> 00:23:57,929
Uh, mayhap save the
detail for another time,
582
00:23:57,954 --> 00:23:59,273
most beloved Shart?
583
00:24:01,431 --> 00:24:02,432
[CHUCKLES]
584
00:24:02,457 --> 00:24:03,468
Stick.
585
00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:06,851
I hope thou whilst attend our mud show
586
00:24:06,876 --> 00:24:09,593
at Froggy Bottom Mud
Pit at noon o'clock.
587
00:24:09,618 --> 00:24:12,827
[BRITISH ACCENT] Nay,
Pizzle! Nay, nay, nay!
588
00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:15,671
[CHUCKLES] Let the lass
come to the Wash Pit instead
589
00:24:15,696 --> 00:24:16,984
to see my show.
590
00:24:17,009 --> 00:24:21,748
It hath love, loss,
and, of course, laundry!
591
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,545
Are you a mud beggar, too?
592
00:24:23,570 --> 00:24:24,787
- [GASPS]
- Quite the opposite, really.
593
00:24:24,812 --> 00:24:26,864
- Please meet Prunella Bubblebottom...
- Whoo!
594
00:24:26,889 --> 00:24:28,207
Washer Wench.
595
00:24:28,232 --> 00:24:29,701
[CHUCKLES]
596
00:24:29,941 --> 00:24:30,941
Oh.
597
00:24:33,376 --> 00:24:36,634
Thou hath had a tear
recently upon thy cheek.
598
00:24:37,914 --> 00:24:41,209
What ails thee, my fairest,
most prepossessing friend?
599
00:24:41,234 --> 00:24:42,944
MAN: God save the Queen!
600
00:24:42,969 --> 00:24:45,048
- Redhead.
- What's happening?
601
00:24:45,073 --> 00:24:46,368
Her Majesty awaits.
602
00:24:46,393 --> 00:24:48,728
Surely the good mistress
remembers Queen Elizabeth
603
00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:52,001
and her most trusted
courtier, William Shakespeare?
604
00:24:52,026 --> 00:24:54,939
Shakespeare was never, like,
in Elizabeth's court, you know.
605
00:24:55,331 --> 00:24:57,665
WOMAN: Make way for the Royal Court.
606
00:24:57,690 --> 00:25:02,697
♪♪
607
00:25:04,382 --> 00:25:06,806
She definitely remembers me.
608
00:25:07,431 --> 00:25:08,954
I'll see you at the show, mistress.
609
00:25:09,832 --> 00:25:11,611
Aye, aye, Captain.
610
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,314
Stick, stick.
611
00:25:15,259 --> 00:25:17,261
[APPLAUSE]
612
00:25:17,363 --> 00:25:20,900
♪♪
613
00:25:21,501 --> 00:25:24,454
_
614
00:25:30,032 --> 00:25:33,564
♪♪
615
00:25:49,497 --> 00:25:52,083
[INDISTINCT SPEAKING]
616
00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:57,046
[APPLAUSE]
617
00:26:16,836 --> 00:26:18,170
Make way!
618
00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:20,422
Whoo-hoo!
619
00:26:21,150 --> 00:26:22,719
I found him!
620
00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:25,157
I met my husband!
621
00:26:25,182 --> 00:26:26,578
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
622
00:26:26,603 --> 00:26:28,453
Thank you!
623
00:26:28,478 --> 00:26:29,981
What's your name?
624
00:26:30,747 --> 00:26:34,688
♪♪
625
00:26:34,713 --> 00:26:36,399
ALL: Huzzah!
626
00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:40,977
♪♪
627
00:26:43,016 --> 00:26:44,899
Let's start the bidding at 10!
628
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,469
♪♪
629
00:27:13,436 --> 00:27:15,125
WOMAN: Huzzah for the tipper!
630
00:27:15,150 --> 00:27:16,664
Hey, hi. Excuse me.
631
00:27:16,689 --> 00:27:18,352
[GASPS] Do you know
where the mud pit is?
632
00:27:18,377 --> 00:27:20,039
Hey ho, dear friend.
633
00:27:20,064 --> 00:27:22,336
[NORMAL VOICE] So, you and Pizzle?
634
00:27:22,361 --> 00:27:24,405
Oh, no, no, no. We are not... we didn't.
635
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:25,723
We... no.
636
00:27:25,748 --> 00:27:27,102
You're wearing his chemise.
637
00:27:27,127 --> 00:27:30,828
That shirt has seen a
lot of morning-afters.
638
00:27:31,035 --> 00:27:32,156
No judgment.
639
00:27:32,181 --> 00:27:33,808
[BRITISH ACCENT] And if I might say,
640
00:27:33,833 --> 00:27:36,891
thou art one of the loveliest ladies
641
00:27:36,916 --> 00:27:38,773
who has ever donned these threads.
642
00:27:38,798 --> 00:27:39,852
I'm not a lovely lady.
643
00:27:39,877 --> 00:27:41,719
I'm just a lady who needed a shirt
644
00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:42,891
that wasn't covered in blood.
645
00:27:42,916 --> 00:27:46,461
May I escort thee to Ye
Olde Costume Rental Shoppe?
646
00:27:46,486 --> 00:27:47,961
You can be anything you want to be,
647
00:27:48,063 --> 00:27:50,648
from a fair maiden to a fish wife.
648
00:27:50,673 --> 00:27:51,727
[NORMAL VOICE] Don't go near the hats.
649
00:27:51,752 --> 00:27:53,906
There are wee beasties
that live within them.
650
00:27:54,653 --> 00:27:55,653
Lice.
651
00:27:55,779 --> 00:27:57,773
No, there will be no costumes.
652
00:27:57,798 --> 00:27:59,172
I don't even know why I'm still here.
653
00:27:59,197 --> 00:28:01,700
[CHUCKLES] The faire
does that to people.
654
00:28:01,868 --> 00:28:04,117
I came for one day five years ago
655
00:28:04,323 --> 00:28:05,323
and never left.
656
00:28:05,596 --> 00:28:06,931
LULU: [BRITISH ACCENT] Prunella!
657
00:28:06,956 --> 00:28:08,742
My goodly sister.
658
00:28:08,767 --> 00:28:10,313
- New bit. Check this out.
- Okay.
659
00:28:10,338 --> 00:28:12,462
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Mistress, hast thou seen
660
00:28:12,487 --> 00:28:14,656
our great Queen Elizabeth's cousin,
661
00:28:14,681 --> 00:28:16,540
the one she doth detest?
662
00:28:17,063 --> 00:28:18,063
Um...
663
00:28:18,088 --> 00:28:20,790
The one our good Queen
Bess hath banished?
664
00:28:21,539 --> 00:28:22,602
Uh...
665
00:28:22,917 --> 00:28:23,922
[NORMAL VOICE] Last name Stuart?
666
00:28:23,947 --> 00:28:25,431
Oh, uh, Mary, Queen of Scots.
667
00:28:25,456 --> 00:28:27,087
[AS GROUCHO] Have you
seen her undergarments?
668
00:28:27,112 --> 00:28:29,181
More like Mary, Queen of Spots.
669
00:28:31,192 --> 00:28:32,776
Ooh, it needs work.
670
00:28:32,801 --> 00:28:33,899
- Fair.
- Yeah.
671
00:28:34,299 --> 00:28:35,469
[BRITISH ACCENT] If
you're looking for David,
672
00:28:35,494 --> 00:28:36,954
the mud pit's thataway.
673
00:28:37,376 --> 00:28:39,446
Thank you. It was cute.
674
00:28:40,413 --> 00:28:41,727
- One of David's?
- Mm.
675
00:28:41,752 --> 00:28:42,884
New flavor for him.
676
00:28:43,274 --> 00:28:45,907
She smells like marzipan. Ah!
677
00:28:47,273 --> 00:28:49,477
[GASPS] Mary, Queen of Farts.
678
00:28:49,956 --> 00:28:54,688
♪♪
679
00:28:56,905 --> 00:28:57,905
Oh.
680
00:28:59,547 --> 00:29:00,571
Pray tell.
681
00:29:00,728 --> 00:29:02,938
Oh, pray your forgiveness.
682
00:29:02,963 --> 00:29:04,196
No worries. Go ahead.
683
00:29:04,668 --> 00:29:07,243
Hi. 'Tis you.
684
00:29:07,268 --> 00:29:10,181
- Sir Bo.
- It's you guys. Again.
685
00:29:10,206 --> 00:29:12,876
Miss, please, I have no more ducats
686
00:29:12,901 --> 00:29:14,134
for which to buy thee libations.
687
00:29:14,159 --> 00:29:17,985
No, no, no, no, no. I...
I am done with libations.
688
00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:19,993
I'm leaving soon.
689
00:29:20,121 --> 00:29:22,623
Well, would you care to sit
with us for the mud show?
690
00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:24,345
'Tis most fun in the front,
691
00:29:24,370 --> 00:29:26,485
where one could get bespotted with mud.
692
00:29:27,389 --> 00:29:28,389
I'm good.
693
00:29:28,908 --> 00:29:30,087
You guys go ahead.
694
00:29:30,857 --> 00:29:32,673
Aye, then. Well met.
695
00:29:32,698 --> 00:29:33,892
Fare thee well.
696
00:29:37,574 --> 00:29:39,367
♪♪
697
00:29:39,484 --> 00:29:43,447
[AUDIENCE CHANTING "PIZZLE!"]
698
00:29:43,472 --> 00:29:46,915
♪♪
699
00:29:46,940 --> 00:29:50,568
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
700
00:29:50,593 --> 00:29:55,251
♪♪
701
00:30:04,858 --> 00:30:05,954
To be...
702
00:30:07,244 --> 00:30:08,423
or not to be?
703
00:30:09,663 --> 00:30:11,102
That is the question.
704
00:30:12,306 --> 00:30:14,931
Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to suffer
705
00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:18,540
the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
706
00:30:18,664 --> 00:30:20,541
- or to take...
- Oi!
707
00:30:20,641 --> 00:30:25,009
Did I hear someone out here
say, "To pee or not to pee"?
708
00:30:25,034 --> 00:30:28,204
How now it be Sir Shart O'Belly
709
00:30:28,229 --> 00:30:30,856
and faithful companion Stick.
710
00:30:30,881 --> 00:30:31,931
Stick!
711
00:30:31,956 --> 00:30:37,845
[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STICK!"]
712
00:30:37,870 --> 00:30:39,580
I may have said "to be,"
713
00:30:39,605 --> 00:30:42,540
but what I meant was, to pee!
714
00:30:42,832 --> 00:30:45,918
♪♪
715
00:30:46,606 --> 00:30:49,485
Get this whizzle out my Pizzle!
716
00:30:49,510 --> 00:30:52,813
[LAUGHTER]
717
00:31:04,652 --> 00:31:07,071
I'm, uh, sorry about the mud, milady.
718
00:31:07,526 --> 00:31:09,493
Listen, Humpsalot, I need an Uber.
719
00:31:10,992 --> 00:31:12,962
I mean...
720
00:31:12,987 --> 00:31:14,821
[BRITISH ACCENT] canst
thou send a carriage
721
00:31:14,846 --> 00:31:17,337
to ferry me the "F"
out of here, prithee?
722
00:31:17,362 --> 00:31:19,587
That's, uh... that's not
bad with the vernacular.
723
00:31:20,382 --> 00:31:25,517
Sir Humpsalot, thy performance
was most glorious on this day.
724
00:31:25,542 --> 00:31:28,563
Aye, aye. Thy "Hamlet" is only second
725
00:31:28,588 --> 00:31:31,157
- to that of Richard Burbage.
- Indeed.
726
00:31:31,182 --> 00:31:34,071
My most deep and glorious thank-thees.
727
00:31:34,096 --> 00:31:35,704
[NORMAL VOICE] Who are
you two even supposed to be?
728
00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:38,595
I be Lady Jenny Miller from Rochester.
729
00:31:38,620 --> 00:31:41,220
And I be Sir Bo Kapinski of Utica.
730
00:31:41,324 --> 00:31:43,595
But those aren't real
historical figures.
731
00:31:43,620 --> 00:31:45,696
Nay, milady. They do not work here.
732
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,954
Wait. What?
733
00:31:47,979 --> 00:31:50,565
Nay, nay, nay. We attend the faire.
734
00:31:50,590 --> 00:31:53,051
We seek pleasure, not employment.
735
00:31:53,165 --> 00:31:54,415
I'm in I.T.
736
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,665
Dental hygienist.
737
00:31:56,005 --> 00:31:57,204
Playtrons.
738
00:31:58,065 --> 00:32:00,438
Play... trons.
739
00:32:01,109 --> 00:32:03,126
We must off to the joust.
740
00:32:03,151 --> 00:32:04,306
Fare thee well.
741
00:32:10,304 --> 00:32:13,126
What kind of people dress
up and talk like that
742
00:32:13,151 --> 00:32:14,720
when they don't even work here?
743
00:32:15,179 --> 00:32:17,337
Well, mistress, uh, what can I say?
744
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:20,188
It be their... leidenschaft.
745
00:32:20,226 --> 00:32:21,352
Their what now?
746
00:32:21,384 --> 00:32:23,759
It's German for passion.
747
00:32:24,118 --> 00:32:26,618
Then why didn't you just say "passion"?
748
00:32:28,017 --> 00:32:29,185
[NORMAL VOICE] I was a double major...
749
00:32:29,210 --> 00:32:30,649
art history and German.
750
00:32:30,674 --> 00:32:32,438
- Ah.
- I went to SUNY Purchase.
751
00:32:34,784 --> 00:32:36,574
You never asked.
752
00:32:39,281 --> 00:32:40,949
[SIGHS]
753
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,051
Oh, well, I'm sorry. I've kind
of been hit with a lot recently.
754
00:32:46,285 --> 00:32:47,457
[SCOFFS]
755
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:53,503
♪♪
756
00:33:11,953 --> 00:33:12,953
I get it.
757
00:33:13,211 --> 00:33:14,885
I didn't play "Dungeons & Dragons,"
758
00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,987
and somehow that makes
me a bully, right?
759
00:33:17,012 --> 00:33:18,805
Well, guess what? I
don't need to pretend
760
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,440
to be somebody else to have a good time.
761
00:33:20,465 --> 00:33:22,034
[BRITISH ACCENT] Well,
perhaps this pretending
762
00:33:22,059 --> 00:33:23,729
be more authentic to who they are
763
00:33:23,754 --> 00:33:26,104
than what thou dost believe
is so real out there.
764
00:33:26,393 --> 00:33:27,839
What would you know about it?
765
00:33:27,864 --> 00:33:30,050
You mix Shakespeare with
fart jokes for a living.
766
00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:31,128
Aha!
767
00:33:31,153 --> 00:33:32,628
Thou hast been paying attention.
768
00:33:32,653 --> 00:33:35,740
Oh, God save the queen!
769
00:33:35,765 --> 00:33:37,729
ALL: God save the queen!
770
00:33:38,703 --> 00:33:39,703
Again?
771
00:33:39,728 --> 00:33:42,106
Good lady, please step aside.
772
00:33:42,131 --> 00:33:44,104
I'm expected at the joust.
773
00:33:44,129 --> 00:33:45,878
Here we go.
774
00:33:46,476 --> 00:33:48,526
Do I detect a hint of defiance
775
00:33:48,551 --> 00:33:50,636
against Her Majesty the Queen?
776
00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:52,456
Nay, girl. I was just going.
777
00:33:52,481 --> 00:33:55,034
Too bad our Lord
Executioner, Lady Helen,
778
00:33:55,059 --> 00:33:57,089
did not attend the faire on this day.
779
00:33:57,581 --> 00:33:59,198
We could've had a public flogging.
780
00:33:59,223 --> 00:34:02,184
[LAUGHTER]
781
00:34:02,209 --> 00:34:03,893
Not to, again,
782
00:34:03,918 --> 00:34:06,713
point out a hole in your
little reenactment here,
783
00:34:06,738 --> 00:34:09,229
but you do know that
there never would've been
784
00:34:09,254 --> 00:34:11,901
a female Lord Executioner
in your time, right?
785
00:34:12,051 --> 00:34:14,362
Well, as I'm the most
powerful woman in the land,
786
00:34:14,387 --> 00:34:15,432
mayhaps anything is...
787
00:34:15,457 --> 00:34:18,245
- Was.
- Is possible.
788
00:34:18,353 --> 00:34:20,448
I could lead the flogging, my queen.
789
00:34:20,473 --> 00:34:24,690
Nay. Sadly, Lady Helen holds
the key to the prop shed.
790
00:34:25,353 --> 00:34:27,647
- Where be she anyway?
- Mayhap she decided
791
00:34:27,672 --> 00:34:29,425
that this particular Queen Elizabeth
792
00:34:29,450 --> 00:34:31,604
be a wit too aggro to deal with.
793
00:34:31,629 --> 00:34:34,800
ERIN: Ugh, Amanda. Thank God.
794
00:34:35,016 --> 00:34:37,221
- Erin?
- We were so worried.
795
00:34:40,165 --> 00:34:43,047
Why... Why... Why are you so dirty?
796
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:44,695
And damp?
797
00:34:45,118 --> 00:34:46,711
And dressed like a poor?
798
00:34:46,945 --> 00:34:50,625
Well, I guess that would
be a fare the well for good.
799
00:34:51,585 --> 00:34:52,586
Courtiers.
800
00:34:52,637 --> 00:34:55,125
[FANFARE PLAYS]
801
00:34:55,150 --> 00:34:56,382
Good riddance.
802
00:34:56,539 --> 00:34:58,164
"Troilus and Cressida."
803
00:34:59,736 --> 00:35:00,929
[NORMAL VOICE] Google it.
804
00:35:03,050 --> 00:35:05,468
Don't even want to know
what that was about.
805
00:35:05,493 --> 00:35:06,661
How did you find me?
806
00:35:06,936 --> 00:35:08,070
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
807
00:35:08,095 --> 00:35:09,804
You mean after looking for you all night
808
00:35:09,829 --> 00:35:10,976
and calling the police
809
00:35:11,001 --> 00:35:13,726
and having to drug Mom more than usual?
810
00:35:13,797 --> 00:35:15,841
I saw the tricycle on
the side of the road.
811
00:35:15,866 --> 00:35:19,160
I thought you were dead until
I saw the themed-wedding people.
812
00:35:19,185 --> 00:35:21,218
I ran back and grabbed one
of your gifts from the suite.
813
00:35:21,243 --> 00:35:22,484
I can't show up to a
wedding empty-handed.
814
00:35:22,509 --> 00:35:23,719
Erin, it's not a wedding.
815
00:35:23,744 --> 00:35:25,162
It's a... It's a Ren Faire,
816
00:35:25,187 --> 00:35:26,898
a Renaissance Festival.
817
00:35:27,679 --> 00:35:29,312
I don't know what you mean,
but you'll tell me later.
818
00:35:29,337 --> 00:35:30,880
- Let's go.
- Stick.
819
00:35:30,905 --> 00:35:32,031
- What are you doing?
- Erin, it's fine.
820
00:35:32,056 --> 00:35:33,148
Stick. Stick!
821
00:35:33,173 --> 00:35:34,211
Poke me again, weirdo.
822
00:35:34,236 --> 00:35:35,711
Stick, not now.
823
00:35:37,848 --> 00:35:39,218
What's with the stick?
824
00:35:39,899 --> 00:35:41,726
He's just trying to play with you.
825
00:35:41,831 --> 00:35:44,000
Play? Like mug?
826
00:35:44,025 --> 00:35:45,828
Well, he's... he's harmless.
827
00:35:45,853 --> 00:35:47,609
He's performing.
828
00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:50,297
What the... are you talking about?
829
00:35:51,189 --> 00:35:53,316
Listen, Mom called Dr. Bloom.
830
00:35:53,341 --> 00:35:55,134
She's waiting to see you in the city.
831
00:35:55,159 --> 00:35:56,703
We can be there in a few hours.
832
00:35:56,728 --> 00:35:59,242
People upstate are so overweight.
833
00:35:59,267 --> 00:36:01,007
Mom, I told you to wait out in the car.
834
00:36:01,032 --> 00:36:02,851
All right, time to cut the ..., dear.
835
00:36:03,735 --> 00:36:05,654
- Brett has been crying.
- Oh.
836
00:36:05,679 --> 00:36:08,680
Now, you'll go together to
Dr. Bloom, and you'll work it out.
837
00:36:08,705 --> 00:36:09,866
- Together?
- Mm-hmm.
838
00:36:09,891 --> 00:36:11,023
Mom, do you even know what happened?
839
00:36:11,048 --> 00:36:12,304
Oh, yeah,
840
00:36:12,329 --> 00:36:13,999
everyone knows what happened, darling.
841
00:36:14,024 --> 00:36:15,859
It meant nothing. One last hurrah.
842
00:36:15,884 --> 00:36:17,249
I see you got his side already.
843
00:36:17,274 --> 00:36:19,937
Guys like Brett don't just
show up on JSwipe every day.
844
00:36:19,962 --> 00:36:20,976
Trust me.
845
00:36:21,055 --> 00:36:22,991
You're playing this all wrong, dear.
846
00:36:23,016 --> 00:36:25,179
When Erin's father cheated on me
847
00:36:25,204 --> 00:36:27,457
[CHUCKLES] I got a schooner.
848
00:36:27,535 --> 00:36:29,859
You're almost geriatric,
as far as fertility.
849
00:36:29,884 --> 00:36:31,594
I can hear your eggs cracking,
850
00:36:31,619 --> 00:36:34,070
and Erin's IVF put a real
dent in my safari budget.
851
00:36:34,095 --> 00:36:35,749
- Shut up, Mom.
- Well, it's true.
852
00:36:36,523 --> 00:36:39,929
Do you really want to throw
away everything you almost had?
853
00:36:42,526 --> 00:36:43,526
I...
854
00:36:45,512 --> 00:36:46,512
don't know.
855
00:36:47,779 --> 00:36:48,779
[SCOFFS]
856
00:36:52,685 --> 00:36:54,593
Okay, this place is skeeving me out.
857
00:36:54,794 --> 00:36:56,202
I did everything.
858
00:36:56,227 --> 00:36:57,227
What?
859
00:36:58,307 --> 00:37:00,644
Everything was the best.
Everything was perfect.
860
00:37:00,987 --> 00:37:02,550
- Well...
- And for what?
861
00:37:02,989 --> 00:37:04,972
So I could walk in on my perfect fiancé
862
00:37:04,997 --> 00:37:06,261
getting a perfect...
863
00:37:06,497 --> 00:37:08,714
an hour before my perfect ceremony?
864
00:37:09,279 --> 00:37:11,323
Or maybe so I can be
just like you, Erin...
865
00:37:11,348 --> 00:37:13,433
married and mean and
dragging my yoga ass
866
00:37:13,458 --> 00:37:15,669
to Balthazar every Sunday
with my bitchy friends
867
00:37:15,694 --> 00:37:17,316
so we can whine about private schools
868
00:37:17,341 --> 00:37:18,558
and how much we hate our husbands.
869
00:37:18,583 --> 00:37:19,776
I hate Balthazar.
870
00:37:19,801 --> 00:37:21,386
You hate everything!
871
00:37:21,623 --> 00:37:22,870
Mandy, darling,
872
00:37:22,895 --> 00:37:26,980
we can fix this without
anyone even knowing.
873
00:37:27,005 --> 00:37:28,831
Like good plastic surgery.
874
00:37:28,856 --> 00:37:29,995
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
875
00:37:30,020 --> 00:37:32,745
Which we should talk about.
876
00:37:32,785 --> 00:37:35,276
Um, under chin.
877
00:37:39,179 --> 00:37:40,636
I think you're beautiful.
878
00:37:40,661 --> 00:37:44,748
♪♪
879
00:37:45,334 --> 00:37:46,542
[SIGHS]
880
00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:53,784
I'm not going back with you.
881
00:37:54,580 --> 00:37:55,580
BOTH: What?
882
00:37:58,327 --> 00:38:00,589
I'm staying. Here.
883
00:38:01,901 --> 00:38:04,480
Nay. Hither.
884
00:38:04,505 --> 00:38:06,816
Isn't this someone else's wedding?
885
00:38:06,841 --> 00:38:08,956
What do you mean? That's ridiculous.
886
00:38:08,981 --> 00:38:10,737
[LAUGHING] Maybe it is ridiculous.
887
00:38:11,349 --> 00:38:14,636
And maybe it's not perfect
for once in my life.
888
00:38:14,973 --> 00:38:16,642
And maybe if I don't go back with you,
889
00:38:16,667 --> 00:38:20,355
then... then... then m-maybe, uh...
890
00:38:21,492 --> 00:38:26,355
I'll... find my leidenschaft.
891
00:38:26,380 --> 00:38:27,823
[BOTH GASP]
892
00:38:27,848 --> 00:38:30,393
Veyismir, she's speaking German.
893
00:38:30,418 --> 00:38:33,972
I wasn't gonna tell you this,
but people are mad, Amanda.
894
00:38:33,997 --> 00:38:36,458
Brett made a mistake,
but you made a mess
895
00:38:36,483 --> 00:38:37,659
and just ran away.
896
00:38:39,824 --> 00:38:40,824
Come on, Mom.
897
00:38:44,687 --> 00:38:46,769
You had such a nice prenup.
898
00:38:46,794 --> 00:38:47,800
ERIN: Mom!
899
00:38:48,308 --> 00:38:49,308
[SIGHS]
900
00:38:52,036 --> 00:38:55,737
♪♪
901
00:38:56,455 --> 00:38:57,737
Stick?
902
00:38:59,439 --> 00:39:02,480
♪♪
903
00:39:02,505 --> 00:39:03,816
Scotch?
904
00:39:04,708 --> 00:39:10,433
♪♪
905
00:39:21,094 --> 00:39:24,305
Mmm, God, that's good.
906
00:39:25,090 --> 00:39:27,641
It's so nice not to have
my mother mouthing at me
907
00:39:27,666 --> 00:39:29,852
across the table, "Stop eating."
908
00:39:29,877 --> 00:39:31,879
- That's awful.
- You think that's awful?
909
00:39:31,904 --> 00:39:34,336
She fired my favorite nanny
because she was too pretty.
910
00:39:35,689 --> 00:39:36,891
I loved Hilda.
911
00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:39,766
Oh, honey, of course you did.
912
00:39:39,791 --> 00:39:41,079
And Hilda loved you.
913
00:39:41,104 --> 00:39:42,522
This is like camp.
914
00:39:42,634 --> 00:39:45,688
I mean, it is camp. We camp.
915
00:39:45,713 --> 00:39:47,454
[SLURRING] I was gonna be a counselor,
916
00:39:47,479 --> 00:39:49,852
but then I did a summer
immersion at the Sorbonne.
917
00:39:49,991 --> 00:39:52,266
I ate so much bread.
918
00:39:52,291 --> 00:39:54,585
And, oh, Tiffany blue accents.
919
00:39:54,610 --> 00:39:56,688
I got the sweetest little mason jars,
920
00:39:56,713 --> 00:39:58,071
and we just, like, set them around,
921
00:39:58,096 --> 00:40:00,180
and we had, like, a
citronella perimeter getting...
922
00:40:00,323 --> 00:40:01,555
it was gonna...
923
00:40:01,580 --> 00:40:03,040
it was gonna be really good.
924
00:40:03,065 --> 00:40:05,196
Erin thinks that she's so cool
925
00:40:05,221 --> 00:40:07,681
because she has a summer
house in the Hamptons.
926
00:40:07,706 --> 00:40:10,167
I mean, she's not even
north of the highway.
927
00:40:10,192 --> 00:40:11,649
[NORMAL VOICE] You know,
ma'am, I'm an alcoholic,
928
00:40:11,674 --> 00:40:13,055
and even I think you should slow down.
929
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:14,165
Lightweight.
930
00:40:14,190 --> 00:40:16,399
So, you speak French.
931
00:40:16,424 --> 00:40:18,625
- Oui.
- I speak German.
932
00:40:18,650 --> 00:40:19,875
- Do you?
- Yeah, I told you.
933
00:40:19,900 --> 00:40:21,463
- I was a double major.
- Gotcha.
934
00:40:21,871 --> 00:40:24,462
Brett used to leave all these
teensy, tiny, little hairs
935
00:40:24,487 --> 00:40:25,704
all over the sink.
936
00:40:25,922 --> 00:40:27,837
Beard or pubes? Beard or pubes?
937
00:40:27,862 --> 00:40:28,868
I don't know which... I don't...
938
00:40:28,893 --> 00:40:30,186
I don't want to play that game.
939
00:40:30,293 --> 00:40:31,517
I love that game.
940
00:40:31,906 --> 00:40:33,634
Does he not love me anymore?
941
00:40:33,766 --> 00:40:35,392
Why does he not love me?
942
00:40:36,583 --> 00:40:38,095
Ah, I win.
943
00:40:38,127 --> 00:40:40,337
- Regret that immediately.
- Oh, yeah.
944
00:40:40,362 --> 00:40:41,603
I give great...
945
00:40:42,727 --> 00:40:44,064
I learned from a gay guy.
946
00:40:44,089 --> 00:40:45,966
I swirl under the helmet.
947
00:40:45,991 --> 00:40:47,087
I rule.
948
00:40:51,945 --> 00:40:53,610
Have you ever been in love?
949
00:40:55,143 --> 00:40:56,665
I have, yeah.
950
00:40:56,690 --> 00:40:57,853
Me, too.
951
00:40:58,585 --> 00:41:00,048
[SIGHS]
952
00:41:02,414 --> 00:41:04,540
This doesn't end in an orgy, does it?
953
00:41:05,250 --> 00:41:06,985
Not on Sundays.
954
00:41:10,813 --> 00:41:13,314
Can you imagine biting
off your own tongue?
955
00:41:13,477 --> 00:41:14,915
She's been out since yesterday.
956
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,915
Every summer, these
wild Ren Faire people
957
00:41:16,940 --> 00:41:18,400
get into all kinds of trouble.
958
00:41:18,555 --> 00:41:20,181
She had these business
cards in her pouch
959
00:41:20,206 --> 00:41:22,696
that said, "Ye Old Lord Executioner...
960
00:41:22,721 --> 00:41:24,485
for all of your torturous needs,"
961
00:41:24,728 --> 00:41:25,754
whatever that means.
962
00:41:25,779 --> 00:41:27,615
S&M, obviously.
963
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:28,689
[CLICKS TONGUE]
964
00:41:28,714 --> 00:41:30,431
Ugh, nothing but losers,
965
00:41:30,456 --> 00:41:32,124
weirdos, and sex freaks...
966
00:41:32,149 --> 00:41:34,243
real fringy people, you know.
967
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,243
I do love the turkey legs, though.
968
00:41:37,268 --> 00:41:38,895
Oh, sure. Everyone does.
969
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:39,946
Mm.
970
00:41:41,845 --> 00:41:43,693
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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