All language subtitles for No Kidding (GB) (1960).English

(thoughtful music)

(dramatic music)

(playful music)

(playful dramatic music)

- Bit of a dump, isn't it Dad?

(laughs)

(clattering)

(laughing)

(door creaking)

(suspenseful music)

(chuckling)

(startling tone)

(snoring)

- Tandy!

- Master David!

- Come and meet my wife, Catherine.

- As pretty as new paint.

- My son, Richard.

- The dead image of you
when you were a lad.

(all laughing)

Why didn't you tell me
you were coming down?

I would've tidied the place up a bit.

Sort of neglected it
for a day or two like.

When do you want to move in?

- We don't.

- You don't?

- It's much too big for us, Mr. Tandy.

You need a real Victorian sized family

for a place like this.

- Well have one.

- Well it's not as easy as all that.

- I never found it difficult.

- I'll be frank with you Tandy.

We're as good as broke.

We've had a couple of bits of bad luck.

- A chicken farm and a night club.

- We only came here to
see the house and you,

just for old time's sake.

I'm afraid we've got to sell it.

- Sell it?

You couldn't do that.

- I'm sorry Tandy I, I
know what it means to you.

- I don't matter.

But what about the old lady, your aunt?

She'd have never left
Chartham Place to you

if she thought that you
were going to sell it

after Robinsons had lived
here for two centuries.

- Wait a minute.

- Now David.

Don't get any ideas.

- A Victorian sized family.

- Especially an idea like that!

- Listen darling--
- You've got a scheme.

- A beauty, the best I've ever had.

- No.

In advance and without equivocation.

No!

- Not chickens?

Not again.

- No no no, no, this is sure fire.

- No.

No.

- This is absolutely sure fire darling,

you gave it to me when you
said a Victorian sized family.

Suddenly it came to me in a flash.

Chartham Place, as a holiday home

for the children of the rich.

- It'd be better than chickens anyway.

- Exactly, he's a smart boy.

- I'll say this, it's, well,

it's not so hair-brained,
as some of your ideas.

- There's a fortune in it.

- I'll be content with a modest living.

- You know what you said.

- Mmm, I've said yes.

I always do.

- Will!

Blast his hide.

Where is the boy?

- Who's Will?

- Me grandson.

He's supposed to work around here.

Will!

- Yes, Grandpa?

- Come here, we have work to do.

- His grandson.

How time flies.

- Aye.

And it'll fly all through
the summer with nothing done.

Come on, I'll show ya around the place.

(giggling)

Come on Will.

- Coming.

- Here we go again.

- There, take this to Mr.
Tandy, will you Richard?

Careful now.

(happy music)

- [Richard] Here you are Mr. Tandy.

- [Tandy] Good boy.

(playfully tense music)

(Will yells out)

- Oh!

- Good morning Tandy!

- Good morning.

- Who is it, Tandy?

- It's--
- I'm Mrs. Spicer.

- That was what I was going
to tell ya, it's Mrs. Spicer.

- Oh yes.

Darling, this is Mrs. Spicer.

- Oh yes of course, how do you do?

- Alderman Mrs. Spicer.

- Oh you're canvassing.

- I'm not canvassing.

- Oh, what do you want?

- I want this house.

- I'm afraid it isn't for sale.

- I know that.

- Then I, I don't understand.

- I always fight fair.

- Fight?

- Yes, fight Mrs. Robinson, fight.

Fight for the underprivileged.

Ever since Chartham Place fell vacant,

I have fought in the council and out

to have it taken over

as a home for local under
privileged children.

And of course the council
dillies and dallies

with you know what result.

You are in residence

and planning to exploit
this local landmark

for a purpose which I
consider non essential

and typically selfish.

- Well you're entitled to your opinion.

- I think you'll find I am entitled

to a trifle more than that.

The right to apply for
closure for instance.

And a compulsory purchase order.

If I find Chartham Place
lacking in even one respect.

- Well that's frank enough.

I like to see people
sticking to their guns.

- And I like to see people
sticking to occupations

for which they are fitted.

I can find no record.

I can find no record of
either you or your wife

having satisfactorily run

an institution like this one before.

- Are we an institution?

How awful.

- Kindly inform me Mr. Robinson,

what exactly is the extent

of your organisational experience?

- Well actually we are--

- We had a chicken farm once.

- Richard.

- Chicken farming, anything else?

- No, no.

Nothing of any note.

- We had a club once.

- Richard, why don't you go out and play?

- A club, a youth club?

- No, a night club.

- [Catherine] Richard.

- It wasn't a night club
actually, Mrs. Spicer.

It was a country club.

- It was open at night too.

- A club that's open at night

isn't necessarily a night club.

- Shall we say club with a query?

Anything else of note?

- Yes, Mrs. Spicer.

I spend a good few of my
early years in a holiday home,

something like the one
we're trying to create here.

They were just about the
unhappiest years of my life.

And I don't intend to let
the kids that come here

suffer the same agonies.

- Thank you Mr. Robinson.

I think I've learnt enough
about you for one morning.

- I'm so glad.

If you're in need of
another lesson, do drop in.

- I intend to!

Don't worry, you haven't
seen the last of me yet.

- That would be too much to hope for.

- David, say something to Richard.

- Richard, go and boil your head.

- Did I say something wrong?

- Can't you take anything seriously?

- What for instance?

That dear, sweet charming old lady?

- She wants us out.

- I promise you darling, Mrs.
Spicer or no Mrs. Spicer,

on the appointed day Chartham
Place opens for business.

(bright music)

Well, this is the day.

- Hmm.

I can hardly believe it.

- 10, 10 customers.

- Let me have another look,
then perhaps I will believe it.

Two princes, think of it.

- Son of a scrap metal millionaire.

- Daughter of an earl.

- And the two Treadgolds,

their father packs beef in Chicago.

(both giggling)

- Daughters of an African
politician, and Vanilla.

Are you sure you got her name right?

- Well that's what it
sounded like on the phone.

- Vanilla.

Peculiar.

Hope she isn't.

- (laughs) Don't start worrying.

Her aunt sounded charming.

Well she was a bit vague.

- There's nothing vague
about that one, Angus.

- Yes, poor kid.

Still never mind, we'll soon cheer him up.

- It could take a bit of doing.

So young.

His mother walks out after a flaming row

and his father has to go away on business.

They've nowhere else to send him but here.

- It's the finest place they could choose.

- Hope so.

- I know so.

This time darling, this
time we're gonna succeed.

I'm sure of it.

(jazzy music)

(car horn honks)

- Oh.

- Calm darling.

- Yes.
- Calm.

- Alright, okay.

- Shall I give 'em a hand?

- Yeah, do that Will.

- Hello.

- Drop dead.

- Strictly from Hickville.

- You run this joint?

- Yes, you're the Treadgold
children, I expect.

- Dandy Big him, Dandy Little me.

Don't use our given names, they stink.

- So does this dump.

(playfully mournful music)

- Now children--
- There's a draught.

It's like my fanny is in the freezer.

No central heating?

- No air conditioning either.

Smells like it's built
of dried burro dung.

- I don't--
- lce water?

- Pardon?

- Do you have ice water?

- No we don't.

But I'm sure-- - Aw,
let's check out.

- Check--
- Sorry kid,

this place just isn't us.

So long.

- Now just a minute.

You're booked in here
for the next few weeks.

So I'm afraid you'll have to stay

unless I receive specific
instructions from your parents.

- On what, jungle drums?

- They're way out in Africa some place.

Pa knocking out rhinos and
Ma knocking back martinis.

- So we understand.

- On safari, you got the message?

- I have and until I receive a message

from your parents--

- Oh for Pete's sake
don't start that again.

I guess we can hole up here
for a few days at any rate.

- Sure, what the heck does
it matter where we are?

- Come on, upstairs.

- That's something.

- Yeah, at least we're
not in the basement.

- I'll murder 'em.

Both of them, I know.

- [Dandy Big] Leaping
Lizards, what a flop house.

- Dandy and Dandy.

I hope you'll be happy here.

I do so want you to be happy.

- Aw, you're breaking
my little Siamese heart.

- Aw come on, before she
sings Getting To Know You.

- That was a mistake.

- Maybe the whole scheme is a mistake.

- You know them kids want
a kick in the khyber.

- Who asked you?

But you're dead right.

- No, he's not.

(energetic music)

- Out!

Alright, come on, come on.

We haven't got all day.

The gear's in the boot.

Move!

Oh, my name's Rockbottom.

The wife, Lionel.

- How do you do?

- I'm doing alright.

You don't get cars like
that at Woolworths you know.

- No, no I suppose not.

- Lionel, come here.

- Say how do you do, Lionel.

He's shy.

- Do come in.

- Say how do you do.

- How do you do?

- That's better.

- Oh you have no idea mate.

The struggle I'm having

trying to turn him into
a flaming gentleman.

Well come on, come on, we can't stop long.

(playful music)

Yeah, we're off on a cruise.

- How nice.

- Yeah, it better be or I'll
take of the shipping company

and sack everybody.

(laughing)

- Would you like to see
Lionel's room, Mrs. Rockbottom?

- Oh yes.

- We haven't got time.

- It doesn't matter then.

I'm sure it's alright.

- Well of course it's alright.

They advertised in The Times.

Here, cop hold of this.

- Oh thanks.

You don't have to pay in advance you know.

- Well that's not payment.

That's my boy's pocket money.

- Oh, of course.

- Now don't stint him.

- No I won't.

- I don't want any perishing
princes lording it over my boy.

Anything he wants, let him have it.

- Right.

- Yeah and if he gives you
any lip, let him have it.

(laughing)

Right, let's go.

- Goodbye dear.

Have a nice time.

Oh Harry, let's take him with.

- I've told you a dozen times Lil,

what makes the upper classes upper

is the single fact that
they shove their kids

out into the world to
fend for themselves at,

at boarding schools and places like this.

Teaches them independence.

- You didn't do so bad

and you never went to no boarding school.

- I'm an exceptional personality.

The Observer said so only last week.

Did you read it?

- No no, I didn't--

- Oh, oh Ready For a Scrap
they called the article.

Scrap.

Scrap metal see, that's what I deal in.

And scrap means I'm already for a fight.

Oh it's clever.

Here, here read it, here you are.

- Well I--

- No, go on take it, I got plenty more.

Right, Lionel,

now you enjoy yourself here my boy.

Understand?

Or I'll brain ya.

- Yes Dad.

- Well come on or the
boat'll go without us.

Well come on.

So long.

- Goodbye Mr. Rock--

- So long.
- Goodbye Mr. Rockbottom.

- Remember, enjoy yourself.

- Where's this room then?

- I'll show ya.

- [Lionel] What's your name?

- [Will] Will.

- [Lionel] Is there a ghost here, Will?

- [Will] Not that I know of.

- Just my luck.

Not even that to look forward to.

- The morbid little--

- I expect he just feels a bit strange.

- Feels a bit strange?

He is a bit strange.

(tense music)
(doorbell rings)

- Margaret and Eileen!

- Yes, could you pay the taxi please?

- Of course.

Come in girls.

Come in.

- Watch here governor.

Lovely day governor.

- How much?

- Seven pound, 10 please.

- What?

- Well, come all the way from Victoria.

Made a nice run out. (laughs)

- Well I'm glad you enjoyed it.

- That's alright.

- Ta governor, cheero.

- Cheerio.

- A muddle, like there always is.

Daddy booked the car for tomorrow

so there was nothing
to meet us at Victoria.

- We didn't know what to
do so we took the taxi.

- Well, it's all over now
and you've arrived safely.

- You go with Will and
after you've settled in

you come downstairs again, eh?

- Yes, Mr. Robinson.

Come on Eileen.

- Now how do you like that?

Their folks are politicians
doing a world tour.

Yet they can't even order a
car for their own children

on the right day.

- Where's that girl Edna?

She was supposed to arrive an hour ago,

be with us to greet the children.

(motor humming)
(gravel crunching)

(regal music)

- What do I do?

Curtsy?

- No, you'd break your leg.

The king said treat 'em
like any other children.

- Oh.

- I'm Hassan of the House
of Belziq of Saudi-Ismailia.

- I am Suleiman of the House
of Belziq of Saudi-Ismailia.

- We're very pleased to meet you.

- Thank you ma'am.

- Welcome to Chartham Place.

- Thank you sir.

- Please come in.

- You're most kind, ma'am.

(playful music)

- Did you have a good journey from school?

- Most excellent, thank you ma'am.

- Have you seen today's paper?

- No sir.

- There's an awfully nice picture
of your mother and father.

The King and Queen I mean, in Washington.

- Would you like to see it?

- [Both] No thank you ma'am.

- Excuse us, if you please.

- Jump out son.

- Well that's nearly it darling.

Three more to come.

- Excuse me, this is Angus.

I wrote explaining.

- Of course.

Hello Angus.

- I think the sooner I go.

Look Angus, this a nice place.

You're going to like it here.

Lots of other boys and girls to play with.

You'll be a good boy, won't you?

- When's Mummy coming back?

- Soon.

I'd better go.

- Angus.

Come along with me.

I've got a nice new
room all ready for you.

- Must be his first divorce.

- Ah don't.

I was that young when it happened to me.

- Oh yeah, I forgot.

- [Dandy Little] I can't,
psychologically I'm still

suffering from it you know.

- Do me a big favour.

- Uh huh.

- Give your neurosis a vacation.

- [Woman] What did you call me?

- Drunk I said and drunk I repeat.

- Say that again, just you say that again.

- Mrs. Robinson where is Mrs. Robinson?

I must speak to Mrs. Robinson.

- Me too, Mrs. Robinson.

- I'm Mr. Robinson, ladies.

- How do you do?

Dismiss this woman.

- Who are you calling a woman?

How do you do?

Who are you calling a woman?

- Take your hands off me.

- Listen, please.

- Oh Mrs. Robinson.
- Oh Mrs. Robinson,

I'm sorry to begin here as matron.

- I demand an apology.
- with a complaint

of this nature.
- I am not a woman.

I'm a cook!
- But this woman

will have to go!

- Quiet please, both of you.

Now what seems to be the trouble?

- [Matron] Seems to be?

She reeks of liquor.

- Oh!

- Edna!

Edna, just as I imagined you.

Come right in.

We were expecting you.

- Hello Edna.

- This is Angus.

Edna, settle him in for me, will you?

You'll find the nursery and
his room and yours upstairs.

Off you go, see you soon.

Good girl.

- A very nice class of girl.

- That's more than can be said for you.

- I suppose you realise you've
hired a drunk, Mrs. Robinson?

- Oh you wicked vixen!

- Ladies, I'm sure there must
be some misunderstanding.

- Smell her breath Mr. Robinson.

There's no misunderstanding that.

We met on the train.

She drank continuously.

- I explained.

I explained.

I have a chill on the stomach.

- At the rate you drink
I'm astonished you have

any stomach left to have a chill on.

- Hold me back, hold me back!

I shall attack her, I shall hit her.

(bell ringing)

Oh no, I can't stand the sight of blood.

Where's my kitchen?

- My province I think.

Leave this to me.

What's the trouble?

- Collapsed at the railway station.

I happened to be passing.

Girl recovered sufficiently
to have hysterics

when I told her we'd take her to hospital.

So I checked her luggage
label and brought her here.

She's out again, cold.

- Thank you, you've shown
excellent judgement .

I will now take over.

This young lady--

- Of course it'll be a young baby.

Whoever heard of an old baby?

- Kindly let me deal with
this madam, I am a nurse.

- Oh yes, it makes you curse alright.

Unless you're used to it like I am.

Teenage unmarried mother, take
up a lot of my time they do.

- That must be Priscilla,

or the other one that sounds like Vanilla.

Now how many have we got?

Let me see now, 10 to
come, that means that,

well that's right isn't it?

10.

- 10?

A month overdue.

By gun what a fascinating
case and so young.

Triplets, I'll take my oath on it.

- [Both] Triplets?

- I shall need messes of
towels, gallons of hot water.

- Who are you?

- This interferring busybody.

- A very pretty little body, I agree.

Oh, often the way.

Don't show a sign and suddenly collapse,

boom, triplets.

- Kindly leave this establishment.

- Upstairs, bustle to.

- Perhaps she, oh dear.

- Leave this to me.

I am matron here.

- Nothing queer about it at
all, happens all the time.

- Well come on now children,

break it up, it's all over.

- Don't worry ma'am, have a jar.

- Oh, I've never met
this before, what is it?

- Rough cider.

- Well of course I never
take a drop really.

But I mean what with
insults and ambulances.

- Understood, understood.

(sighs)

Smooth huh?

- This girl is my patient.

- [Ambulance Nurse] What what?

Speak up, can't you?

- Mr. Robinson, will you
show this person out?

- First sensible thing you've said.

Out, out, all of you.

Go on, shoo, shoo.

I must examine.

- We'll examine.

- You may assist.

- Told you not to accept bookings

without getting full particulars.

Now look what you've done.

- Now listen, you were
as thrilled as I was.

She was the very first booking we got.

Is it my fault if the
girl's aunt is vague?

- Vague?

I don't call it vague.

I call it damn cunning.

She wait's 'til this niece
of hers is almost due

and then dumps her on us.

Holiday home?

David, you should've known better.

I've told you 1000 times
no telephone bookings

without proper confirmation.

And you couldn't even get
her name right, Vanilla.

Nobody can be called Vanilla.

- That's what it sounded
like on the phone.

- Can you imagine us calling her Vanilla?

She'll think we're mad.

What are we going to do?

- Get masses of towels and
gallons of hot water I suppose.

- Triplets.

Can it be possible?

- All too possible.

I wouldn't be at all
surprised if she had quints.

I say, then we'd be as famous
as that place in Canada.

There'd be a fortune in it.

- [Catherine] Oh shut up.

- Darn, I wish they
wouldn't yell at each other.

- Hey tere, your neurosis is showing.

- No, shut up.

- Mrs. Robinson?

- Yes Edna.

- I could only find a room
with three beds in it.

- That's perfectly right

Angus will be sharing with Lionel and,

what's his name?

Dandy.

- I see - It's very
good of you Edna,

to muck in like this right away.

- Thank you, but I'm not Edna.

I'm Priscilla.

- Priscilla?

Which?

- Oh no.

- What, the daughter of the earl of?

- That's right.
(sighs)

- I'm terribly sorry.

- For what?

- In the confusion of the
ambulance and everything.

- We thought you were
Edna, the new child help.

- Well can't I go on being
Edna until she arrives?

- Oh no, we wouldn't dream of it.

- You're not here to work.

- Looking after Angus isn't work.

It's fun.

- Never been involved in
such an utter waste of time

in all my life--

- That girl's no more
pregnant than you are.

- Who said she was pregnant?

Only you!

- Why the dickens did you
call me in off my rounds?

I'm a very busy person.

- I didn't call you in and I
hope I never see you again.

- Oh yes you did.

And you a so-called trained nurse.

Don't you know a sick
stomach ache when you see it?

- If you will jump to conclusions--

- Fiddlesticks!

There's isn't a single
contusion on that girl's body.

Are you blind?

- Are you deaf?

- Certainly not!

- Oh go away.

I'm perfectly capable of
dealing with the colics.

- What?

- Colics, colics!

- And the same to you,

you foul mouthed old gamp.

(mutters)

- Alright, run along Angus.

I'm awfully sorry Matron.

- It's per,

it's perfectly alright.

Excuse me, all that
shouting, I must gargle.

- Do you think I ought to
go and talk to Vanilla?

- Jolly good idea darling.

(unsettling music)

(Vanilla sobbing)

- Vanilla.

- Are you Mrs. Robinson?

- Yes Vanilla.

- Oh you look so kind and so well fed.

Oh you're all so kind.

And I'll have to go.

Oh why must I go?

- Who said you've got to go?

- Well a girl who arrives in

an advanced state of malnutrition

isn't likely to come from a
home which can afford your fees.

Oh why did I faint?

Why couldn't I have held
out just a little longer?

After all it isn't the
first time I've starved.

- Vanilla, listen to me.

Nobody's going to turn you out.

Understand that please.

And stop crying.

- Oh do you mean it?

- I give you my word.

- How kind fate can be.

I'm so young.

But I've had such bitter experiences.

- We'll talk about them later.

Meanwhile, Matron didn't say anything

about you being hungry.

You didn't tell her.

- No not her or the other woman.

I've got a thing about women in uniform.

They remind me of,
of wardresses.

- Oh see.

Well, nevermind.

You just lie quietly and
I'll have some food sent up

and we'll make a fire.

- Food, oh food. (sobbing)

- There there, don't upset
yourself again Vanilla.

Is your name Vanilla?

That's what my husband said
it sounded like on the phone

when your aunt--

- No, it's Fenella actually.

- I see.

- But please call me Vanilla.

This here is a new life for me.

Let me have a new name to go with it.

Vanilla.

- Vanilla.

(sobbing)

- Vanilla. (stifles laughing)

- Hello children.

- You look worried.

- Yeah, take a look at
that lot over there.

Then you'll look worried as well.

- Oh them, I know how to cheer them up.

- I don't see that Dandy boy

responding to a jolly game
of Puss in the Corner.

- Freedom!

- What's that?

- Freedom, that's the answer.

I've thought it all out.

You have to let them
know that Chartham Place

is a home with a capital F for freedom.

- I don't know.

All children need some control.

What's so different about these?

- They've had too much
money and not enough fun

This is their holiday home.

- I don't know darling, I have my doubts.

- During the chicken-farm
and night club episodes,

I wasn't allowed any
doubts about your ideas.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Just that, perhaps
you're the ideas man

but you need me to fill in on details.

- I need you for a darn
sight more than that.

- Go and tell them this is Liberty Hall.

- You know I think it
would be a lot better

coming from you, from a woman.

- Quite wrong.

The figure of authority
in any family group

is always the male.

- Really?

- Um hmm.

- Oh!

I'll remember that.

(playful music)

(tense music)

- Darling.

Darling.

Darling, come closer.

J
- Closer.

- Wake up miss.

- Oh, was I dreaming?

- You must have been.

Are you alright now?

- For months I've
dreamed night after night

of a man, a peasant.

Strong, sun burnt face, rippling muscles,

curly springy hair.

He's youl!

- Me, me?

- To the last hair on his chest.

- Oh Lord.

I, I have to lay the fire.

- My dream's coming true.

The dream that's haunted me

ever since I read Lady Chatterley's Lover.

- Oh!

On!

- Your name, dream lover.

- Will.

- Will.

How strong, how dominant.

I'm yours.

Oh Will, you simple
divine son of the Earth.

You're frightened aren't you?

- Yes.

- Well don't be, this is
life calling us together.

Life force.

Throbbing with desire.

Primitive memories.

On!

- Are you ill?

- No.

- Oh!

- I just had a sudden primitive impulse.

- Oh Lord.

- Will.

I want to make a garland of flowers

and hang them round your neck.

- I'll go and get some.

- No, that can wait.

Will.

- Miss.
- Will!

- Freedom.

Home with a capital F eh?

- Do you want to see me
work the machine Angus?

Curious isn't it?

You know somebody must have
fixed that the other way round.

You?

Why?

- Just to see what would happen.

- That's naughty.

- No it isn't, it's freedom.

(children chattering)

- [Boy] And round we go.

- [Vanilla] Will.

(children all calling out)

- Good morning Tandy.

- Oh good morning.

- I wish to speak to Mr.
and Mrs. Robinson please.

- Just a moment ma'am
til I see if they're in.

- Thank you.

- Pardon me.

(exclaims)
- Will.

- Careful now, you'll hurt yourself.

- So you do care about me?

- Don't come any closer.

- What's the matter with you Will?

Don't you like girls?

- Well you, you, you're too forward.

- Oh come on Will.

Be nice to me.

Think of the nice times we could have.

Just in fun.

- You mustn't.

You shouldn't say things
like that, it's wrong.

Girls aren't supposed to make advances.

- I'm free, unconventional.

If I like a boy I say so.

And do something about it.

- Wow.

- Will!

Will, Will!

- Oh yes, even a place like this,

which is run for purely personal profits

must conform to certain
administrative standards.

The personal supervision of the
children's activities alone.

- Will.

Will, you gorgeous boy.

- You haven't the authority
to inspect here, have you?

- Perhaps you would prefer
to see the headlines.

Alderman denied admission,
what goes on a Chartham Place?

- You wouldn't?

- How many children are you accommodating?

- 10.

- Has each child a minimum
bed breathing space of

25 cubic feet?

- I haven't the faintest idea.

- Has not the faintest idea.

I see.

How many bathrooms?

- Three.

- I doubt if 10 children can be kept clean

in three bathrooms.

- I doubt if 10 children
can be kept clean at all.

- Staff.

How much extra help have you?

Specifically to aid with child care?

- A Matron doing a holiday job for us.

She's from a small public school.

- Is she qualified?

- No, no.

The school in question

insists on employing struck
off African witch doctors.

- So virtually there is

no additional staff to
help with the children.

- A girl, but.

- A girl but what, Mrs. Robinson?

- But she hasn't arrived yet.

Now you can put down,

started operations without adequate staff.

- Thank you, my very words.

Domestic personnel?

- Mr. Tandy, who I've no doubt you know?

- Ah yes, an inebriate.

- Will Tandy, a gardener.

- But sometimes otherwise engaged.

- And cook, very highly
recommended, very high--

(humming)

- Oh, wherever have I got to?

- Wrong room.

How do you do?

I can't stop.

Goodbye.

- She's a very cheerful soul.

- I understand from the
Council, Mr. Robinson,

that they have not yet
received their C.L.P. Ones

Why is that?

- Well it's probably because

I haven't a clue what a C.L.P. One is.

- A C.L.P.One is a form.

- Well nobody takes any
notice of this crap.

- Slap dash administration.

Oh yes.

You should have completed and
returned your C.L.P. Ones.

Seven days before receipt
of the first foster child.

- Foster child?

- Naturally.

In law you are foster parents.

- How awful.

- We inspect.

Thank you.

Are you supervising here?

- No, she's not.

- Let the girl answer for herself, please.

- She's here on holiday,
not to answer questions.

I've told you our children's
help hasn't yet arrived.

And that's all there is to it.

Priscilla.

The honourable Priscilla
is simply one our guests.

- Paying guest?

- This boy, is he ill?

- I don't think so.

- You don't think so.

You don't know?

- A boy taking a nap

is not necessarily suffering
from bubonic plague.

- I don't care for your
frivolous tone Mrs. Robinson.

- I'm not wild about your passion

for injecting sinister significance

into everything you see here.

- Look out! Whoa!

What a silly place to stand.

- Inadequate supervision,
that's what it boils down to.

- Is there anything
else you'd like to see?

- Not today, thank you very much.

It's been made abundantly clear to me

that the children are
encouraged to run wild.

Hooligans.

And not one attempt on your part I notice,

to admonish that boy.

- For what?

How could I possibly tell him off,

because you were in his way?

What did you expect
him to do, fly back up?

- There's another.

Gee I never saw such a fat Indian.

- Of course I should like
to conduct this matter

with as little unpleasantness as possible.

- However it is conducted,

it's bound to be unpleasant for us.

- It can be minimised you know.

- How?

- Close down, close down voluntarily.

I've seen quite enough.

- And I've had enough quite
enough, more than enough.

How dare you, how dare you
suggest we meekly close down?

You inspect away to your
heart's content, Mrs. Spicer,

if you've got a heart.

- [Dandy Big] They get me!

- [Catherine] Because if you want us out

you'll have to throw us.

- And I shall be sure of that.

(exclaims)

- [Catherine] Thank you Dandy.

Good boy.

- Oh!

Oh the indignity.

- Here you are ma'am, have a slug of that,

make you feel as right as rain.

- Get out you silly old goat.

- Right as a rain barrel.

(laughing)

- Where's Cook?

- I don't know.

Hand me that spanner will you darling.

- Well she should be
getting on with breakfast.

- Well I passed her room on the way down.

She snores like a squadron of bombers.

- Edna's let us down.

- Oh well, bear up.

The honourable Priscilla seems
quite happy doing the job.

- Let me pass please.

I'll have to make breakfast.

- Oh I'll do that darling.

You trot round and give everybody
a nice sunny good morning.

Just leave everything to me.

- Eggs?
(phone rings)

- Okay, it's for me.

- Oh don't be silly.

- Hello?

- [Operator] Your daily call to Nairobi?

- Daily? Nairobi?

There's some mistake.

- No mistake, it's for me.

- Hello Mar.

Sure.

Oh, it's okay.

Well a bit more than
okay come to think of it.

We do as we like.

Nobody kind of represses us and.

Can I reach you by phone in the jungle?

Okay, so it's few extra bucks a minute.

I got it.

Happy hunting.

Told you it was for me.

- Oh Matron.

Everything alright?

- No, there's no sick bay.

- You're quite right Matron.

You're absolutely right.

- I have your authority then,

suitably to equip my sick bay?

- [David] Sky's the limit.

- I think the eggs are done.

- Oh thanks.

(yelling)

- Mr. Robinson.

I don't like people messing
about in my kitchen.

- Then be here to prevent it.

- Don't shout.

If you shout I shall leave.

- We wouldn't notice the difference.

- Well what have you done?

- What you should have done,
what you're paid to do,

I was cooking the breakfast.

- Must you talk so loud?

She spies on me you know.

- What? Who?

- That Matron.

I don't like spies.

You can tell her from me,

the next time I catch her

I shall yank her eyeballs
through the keyhole.

- David.

- Now what?

- Dandy, she's been phoning Nairobi.

- Well don't panic darling,
we'll put the calls on the bill.

- Supposing they claim it's all inclusive?

What have you done to your hand.

What's happening about breakfast?

- They may do.

I burnt them.

Cook's getting it.

Any more questions?

- There's no need to snap?

- There's every need to snap.

It's all your fault.

- My fault?

- If you let them do as they like

and let them know you want
them to do as they like

well naturally they'll pick up phones

and make calls all over the world.

I'm only surprised--

- How can you be so cruel?

You make children
miserable and frustrated,

all for a few paltry pounds.

A couple of impulsive and
affectionate phone calls.

- Now wait a minute, I'm not gonna let you

get away with that.

You just complained to me about them,

and now you've completely switched.

- 1 didn't, I didn't.

- Now don't start bawling.

- You're a brute.

An unreasonable brute.

- No unreasonable?

- Crazy scheme after
crazy scheme, that's you,

and now that we've got a chance.

- A chance?

What kind of a chance
do you think we've got

with old mother Spicer hovering like a

dirty great thundercloud.
- Cut it out, cut it out.

If it's that bad, separate.

Divorce.

Only for gosh sakes please don't fight.

(playful music)

- Hello boys, having fun?

- [Boy] Timber!

- What do you think you're doing?

- Playing lumberjacks.

- What you're playing soldiers

you don't actually Kill
each other, do you?

- Aw put it on the bill,

a few bucks'll take care of anything.

- Now listen.

- You listen pal.

You said be free, we're being free.

- It is correct.

- We all heard you.

- Do you repent of your decision?

- Well no, of course not.

- That is good.

Excuse us.

- Darling this has gone too far.

- What has?

- The boys have just chopped down a tree.

- Such a good outlet for
destructive instincts.

- Outlet!

It's certainly destructive.

- Nonsense.

- Darling please, isn't it time

we had a little discipline around here?

- No, I told you liberty.

- They can have liberty, yes,

but not take liberties.

- David, you just don't understand.

- No and I never will.

I was brought up in a hard school.

- This is not a school.

These are basically unhappy children

and they can only find
happiness through freedom.

- Happiness through freedom.

(sighs)

Catherine!

- Yes darling.

On!

What fun.

A fashion parade.

The ingenious little darlings.

- Yes, most ingenious little darlings.

- And such a pretty material.

- Yes, just like our curtains.

(giggling)

- [Catherine] There's no harm done.

- [David] No.

- Curtains can be bought.

But you can't buy the happiness
of children except with--

- Freedom, I know.

- That's right darling.

- Look Catherine darling, listen.

Alright we put all this
kind of damage on the bills

but you know what this means?

It means if at the same time
their parents are paying us

for the damage we're
doing to their children

with this cock-eyes anarchism of yours.

- If we can't discuss the matter

without abuse of that kind, David,

then I'd rather not discuss it at all.

Why Vanilla whatever are you doin?

- Oh 1, I just thought I ought to help,

do some work in return for my keep.

- That's very thoughtful of you.

But we won't think about that yet awhile.

You go out and get some
fresh air and sunshine.

- Sunshine. (scoffs)

First I've known in my life.

- Don't be so morbid Vanilla,

can't have been as bad as that.

- Can't it?

Father died in jail,

Mother jumped from the
window soon afterwards.

Sometimes I wish she'd taken
me with her, but she didn't.

That's my family all over.

Selfish.

Only think of themselves.

My aunt took me on, letting
me know I was a liability.

A nuisance.

Neglect, hunger, savage thrashings.

- Perhaps if I spoke to your aunt.

We don't have her address.

Where is she?

- Holloway.

For the next eight years.

- What for?

- Oh take too long to tell.

She's in for everything.

A degenerate the judge called her.

A criminal degenerate.

And you think I'm the same, don't you?

Well the way I chase Will, I mean.

Well no nice girl would
do that, would she?

But you see, I'm not what you think.

It's not that.

I don't want that.

Not until it's the real thing.

A church, orange blossoms,

a shoe tied to the car.

I just want to be liked, to be cared for.

I've never had that.

And when I see a nice boy,

I'm just so eager for him to like me

I fling myself at him.

But I don't mean any harm.

- I understand.

Don't cry, look to the future.

You're young.

You can forget the past.

- I've almost managed to here.

- Then stay here.

- But you'll never get paid.

- Our reward will be to see you happy.

In a decent job.

- Oh thank you, Mrs. Robinson.

(playfully tense music)

(screams)

Stop!

Dandy!

- [Child] Surprise.

(kids laughing)

(exclaims)

- How very clever and amusing.

I just had to see it close too.

Jolly good.

(exclaims)

(sighs)

Hello.

- Hello.

Didn't I hear you scream just now?

- Oh dear me, dear me no.

Must have been one of the girls at play.

- Sounded like you.

- What have I got to scream about?

- I don't know.

What were doing out in the garden anyway?

- Oh, just to see, just to
see if Lionel's still asleep.

- And is he?

- Oh (giggles) rather.

- Well that's alright then.

Isn't it?

- Um hmm.

Oh well, back to my pastry.

(humming)

(tense music)

- You thought I wouldn't
find out, didn't you?

- Find, find out what?

- Why you screamed.

Well I did.

Purely by chance I heard
them all talking about it.

- Purely by chance you
spied on me you mean.

- Sawing a girl in two.

That's a charming past time
for a happy holiday home,

I must say.

Send your daughter to Chartham Place

where they do do things by halfs.

- Oh David it was only a trick.

- Tricks can go wrong darling.

- Well it didn't.

- That's a typical feminine argument.

I tell you it's time we
exercised more control.

- This isn't a reformatory.

Just for once we'll do things my way.

Just because of a couple
of unfortunate incidents.

- Unfortunate?

When will you see sense?

When there's a massacre?

- That wouldn't bother you.

So far as I can see you don't
give a damn for the children.

- For the first time in
days I agree with you.

That little lot, I could
cheerfully drown them all.

- Master David, you'd better come quick.

The children are digging
a tunnel under the lake.

(frenzied music)

- Is anyone in there?

- Only Angus.

He's the smallest.

- Oh no!

- It's quite safe.

- Angus, come out of there.

- [Catherine] David, the
tunnel, it's collapsed.

- Angus, Angus!

Angus.

- [Catherine] Angus!

- Oh, that was scrummy.

Let's do it again.
- Angus!

(gasps)

- Angus!

- Angus, my boy!

My boy!

(throat clearing)

- Well?

- I merely wish to deliver this.

- What is that?

- The diet sheet.

I shall complain to Mrs. Robinson.

- Complain away.

- I mean what I say.

- But do.

- Every word!

- Hooray for you.

- You're just trying to get the last word.

- Well you're welcome to it.

- Drunk!

- Oh yes my dear, the kids are doing fine.

They love it down here.

(humming)

- Before I speak to Mrs Robinson about you

I'm giving you one more chance.

- Declined.

Hop it.

- But highly spiced food is
quite unsuitable for children.

- Listen, I may take a drop too much

and taken all round I may not be

as satisfactory as I ought to be, but,

when I face my maker,
I shall be able to say

that I put many a tasty meal

into a many a healthy young body

without doing them anything but good.

So when it comes to food, you
mind yours and I'll mind mine.

- I insist on my diet
sheets being followed,

you inefficient, ill
temperate, obstinate woman!

- I warned you before,
don't you call me that.

- Woman, woman, woman.

(yells)

- And stay out of here you
interfering old trollop.

(suspenseful music)

- I thought you knew how
to drive an automobile?

- Oh I'll be alright once we get started.

- Well switch on.

- There's a kind of a key hole.

(engine revs)

(David groans)

- David.

- What?

- David, the car.

- Car? What car?

- Someone's stolen the car!

- What?
- David!

- Stolen, stolen the car?

- Oh Lionel.

- Oh curse, I thought it was a ghost.

- Go back to bed, Lionel.

And don't wake Dandy Big and Angus.

- I can't, they're not there.

- They're not, what?

- Mrs. Robinson, they've
all gone, all except Lionel.

- David, they've all been
kidnapped in our car.

- It's impossible darling,

only a maniac would want
to take that many children.

- A maniac!

- Well steady darling, there there.

Oh Matron!
- I'm here.

- Now look, look, take care of her.

- What's wrong?

- Everything's wrong!

- Shh, you'll wake the children.

- There aren't any children.

(Matron exclaims)

(frenzied music)

- My Richard's there, my Richard.

Matron please help me.

My baby.

David, David.

- Alright darling.
- David you've

told the police?

- No not yet darling.

- What? Why not?

David our own boy's
with them, our Richard.

Why are you just standing there?

- Because I don't get it.

I mean who'd turn up in
the middle of the night

and persuade a whole gang of
children to go away with them?

- I don't know, let the police find out.

- No we mustn't let it become public,

because Mrs. Spicer will--

- Mrs. Robinson it could be a prank.

- A prank?

- I did hear them saying

they wished they could go out tonight.

Supper wasn't very nice and,
well they rather spoke as if

they wanted to go out for a meal.

- At this time of night?

- Hey, don't do a thing
'til you hear from me.

- Oh David I can't bear it.

- Now Mrs. Robinson.

(frenzied music)

(bright music)

(frenzied music)

(bright music)

- Pie and double french fried tomatoes

and peas and sausage and egg
and fruit flan and custard.

All round.

- Me too and a big bar of chocolate.

- Angus!

I thought we told you you couldn't come.

- You're too young.

- You're all too young.

Where'd you come from?

- What's it to you?

Button your lip pal.

Sling us the hash.

Fast.

Dollars, francs, pesotas?

Name your currency bud.

- I want you out!

- Sodo I!

Out!

- David, they're alright?

- No they're not, they're all wrong.

Wrong as it is possible for
children to be, do you hear?

Selfish, spoiled,
thoughtless, uncontrolled.

Wrong.

But I'm gonna put you right.

For the first time in your lives,

you're gonna pay for your delinquency.

And I don't mean with money.

- Watch it buster.

Remember, you're being
paid to look after us.

You ain't the Governor of Alcatraz.

- One more word out of you,

you money mad, dehydrated monster,

and I'll give you something for free.

Got that?

- Check.

- I'm not so sure

you all oughtn't to be
walloped here and now.

But I'm gonna give you a chance,
just one chance to reform.

You'll all be confined to the
house for the next two days.

Nobody goes out.

Do you understand?

Alright now, go upstairs
to bed, all of you.

- Come along at once.

(tense music)

- [Catherine] David, you're limping.

- I lost my slipper.

Caught my foot in that so and so bicycle.

- Let me have a look.

- No it's alright darling, it's alright.

- David.

Oh, it's all my fault.

- It looks as if the rain's
in for the day, doesn't it?

- Sure does.

- Not the kind of weather
I'd want to go out in anyway.

Huh, some climate.

- Angus, where are you going?

- Out.

- You'll get wet.

- I know, but I've got to go out.

- Why?

- To feed the frog.

- Frogs feed themselves.

- He can't, he's a little
frog all by himself.

His Mummy's gone away and his Daddy.

He told me.

- Come along.

(sad music)

I don't hear him, do you?

- [Angus] No.

- He must be asleep.

Don't let's wake him.

I'm sure he ate something.

- Maybe, maybe his Mummy came back.

- Maybe.

- I wished.

I wished.

I wished my Mummy would come back.

- Well now, we're in debt.

- Oh don't.

It's that miniature
hospital I let Matron order.

Why don't I keep my big mouth shut?

- Oh it's not so bad.

Perhaps if we get most of the
children back at Christmas.

And if their parents spread the good word

amongst their friends, well,

sooner or later we're
bound to show a profit.

- That's true, it's true.

- But, children are not
likely to recommend us

if we incarcerate them for two days.

Are they?

- The figure of authority
in any family group

is always the male.

You said that.

Now live by it.

They stay in.

- I admitted freedom was wrong.

But it's such a lovely day.

- This is the second and last
day of their gating darling

and it has, like any
other day, 24 hours.

All to be spent in.

- Very well.

But I warn you.

I have a feeling something's brewing.

- Well it certainly isn't in the kitchen,

because Cook's at it again.

(crashing)

Cook!

- What have you done?

- It's all that Matron's fault.

I had a few words with her.

And I had to take a drop or
two to calm my stomach nerves.

The result I'm afraid is inevitable.

I'm off again.

You'll excuse me if I retire to my room.

I shan't require any supper tonight.

Good evening.

- We'll have to cook the evening meal.

(screaming)

(Cook thumping and exclaiming)

- What's the matter with Cook, Matron?

- Oh, she'siill.

- 1?

Are you kidding?

She's plastered.

- Yes, well come along children.

(tense music)

- [Suleiman] Alright get
ready, I'll guide you.

- [Hassan] Come on ghost,
say hello to Lionel.

(screams)

- What's going on here?

Come on, get these things off.

- It was only a game.

- For Lionel, sir.

- Who did all the screaming?

- Cook!

Cook!

(glass crashing)

- [Cook] Oh, oh I've had it.

Oh I've been seeing things,
the most terrible things,

it was horrible.

I swear on my Bible oath I'll
never touch another drop.

There!

You devil's potion you.

And again.

And you.

It's all gone, I've learnt my lesson.

Never, never, never again.

Not a drop!

- David!

I think she means it.

- Sir, we did not mean to frighten Cook.

Let us explain and apologise to her.

- No no, you let her think
what she wants to think.

- Sir?

- Now get back to bed, all of you.

- All that trouble and we
didn't even get to Lionel.

(engine rumbling)

(happy music)

[IN FRENCH] Hello miss.
- Oh, Hello.

- Enchanting.

Enchanting.

- What do you want?

[IN FRENCH]
What a question...

- Ah, I'm Henri Dumonde.

How are you done?

- Eh?

- I rest here.

I stay. [IN FRENCH] Yes!

- Wow.

- Vanilla, please go away.

[IN FRENCH]
Goodbye

[IN FRENCH]
Goodbye miss

[IN FRENCH]
She's lovely.

- My father, he is rotten.

- Oh really?

- He is rotten to you?

No?

- Well no, I've never.

You mean has he written to me?

- Yes.

- No.

[IN FRENCH]
I understand!

- I fly.

The letter follows me.

All is well.

I come today, the letter comes tomorrow.

[IN FRENCH]
Delighted to meet you Madam

How are you?

- Please.

Don't ask her how she's done.

Darling this is Henri Dumonde.

Letter following.

I think we're stuck with him.

- My father would like to undress you.

- I beg your pardon.

- He is couturier.

Your figure, formidable.

Your gown, 000 la la.

- You're frank.

- No, I am Henri.

Vive la France!

(regal music)

(frenzied music)

- Master David, Master David!

- What's happened now,
has the pub burned down?

(laughing)

- No, this is no time for
joking, this is critical.

I heard in the pub as a matter of fact,

that they're coming here.

- Who are?

- She's persuaded him to see for himself.

Mrs. Spicer, she's
bringing Colonel Matthews,

Chairman of the Council,
here this afternoon.

- A surprise inspection, eh?

- Two can play at surprises.

- I see.

- Get Will, Matron and
Cook for a council of war.

- Aye.
- Quick!

(children chattering)

If she can convince the
Chairman of the Council

that things aren't run well here,

well she could get the place closed down.

Then we'd have to send the children away.

So we've obvious got to be on our toes

for this afternoon's inspection.

Right?

- [Kids] Come on, come on.

- Oh come on, come on!

- [Kids] Hurry up, hurry up.

- Alright, stop playing children.

We'll have to forget cricket for a minute.

- Alderman Mrs. Spicer
and Colonel Matthews,

Chairman of the Council.

- Now sir, you wanted
to see how we worked?

- Well if we're not intruding.

- Oh not at all, not at all.

Matron you were telling us?

- The long range weather forecast

is average for the time of year.

Though the ultra-violet ray content

of the anticipated
sunlight is 75% effective,

the prior record of winter
and spring clearly shows

a need for 85.7%.

The booster resistant gap of 10.7%

can be made up as per these diet sheets.

Here's the breakdown of
carbohydrates, fluids

and progress reports on
each individual child.

- Yes, it all seems perfectly clear to me.

Don't you think so my dear.

- Perfectly.

- Yes, yes, approved.

Approved.

Approved.

- Will you needing me now, Mr. Robinson?

- No thank you Matron, we will now budget.

Perhaps you will escort Colonel
Matthews and Mrs. Spicer?

- Certainly.

- Thank you.

- This way please.

- Colonel.
- Yes.

- The Cook.
- What?

- Now you really will see something.

Congenital alcoholic.

- Really?

(comical music)

- Oh hello there Matron.

- Good afternoon Cook.

This lady and gentleman would
like to look over your kitchen

if you don't mind.

- Oh certainly.

We're always so delighted
when parents take an interest.

- We're not married.

- Oh I say!

- We're from the Council.

- Oh see.

I beg your pardon, I'm so sorry.

- It's quite alright.

A perfectly natural mistake.

- As the magistrate said

when he made out the maintenance order.

(laughing)

- Quite.

Well you seem to have
everything you need here.

- Oh everything except--
- Except?

- The diet sheets.

I won't so much as boil an
egg without Matron's approval.

Thank you dear.

Oh would you care for a teeny snack?

- Oh thank you.

- Aren't these rather
indigestible for young children?

- Vitamin impregnated pastry.

- De-sugarized jam.

- De-starched flour.

- Delicious.

- I think we should be
moving on to the children.

- Lucky children in such capable hands.

(chuckles)

(children chattering)

- Children, children!

We have visitors.

- [Children] How do you do?

- We are very well indeed,
thank you, children.

Aren't we?

- Yes, I suppose so.

- I'm Priscilla.

How do you do?

- How do you do?

I'm Colonel Matthews, this is Mrs. Spicer.

- How do you do?

- [Priscilla] How do you do?

We're just having a little nature study.

- Well I'd like a little
talk with you children.

Let's all sit down, shall we?

Come along me old gentleman, up we come.

That's it.

Well now, are you all happy here?

- Oh yes sir, what a question.

(children laughing)

- Now what would you say if I told you

that this place was going to be closed

and that you would all be
sent back to your parents, eh?

Wouldn't that be nice?

- I'd protest to the American Embassy.

- My brother and I would at
once consult our Ambassador too.

- There would be an
international incident.

- I'd cry for a week.

- Why should it close?

- I like it here.

- And me.

- [Girl] And me.

- I think that be quite
enough Mrs. Spicer.

- They're coming back.

- It looks as if it
went alright, didn't it?

- We'll soon find out.

- Ah, that's better.

Thanks--

- We haven't shown you
the living quarters yet.

That won't be necessary,
I'm quite satisfied.

- Are you Colonel Matthews?

Well I'm not.

I'm an extremely--

- Interfering old trollop.

- Angus!
(Colonel laughs)

That's very naughty.

- Now now, don't be angry with him.

Out of the mouths of babes and...

Well come things they
neither mean nor understand.

Goodbye children.

It's been very nice meeting you all.

- You see, no control.

- The C.L.P. Ones, Mrs. Spicer.

- For you ma'am, I picked
them with me own hand.

- Oh thank you.

- [Children] Goodbye!

- [Dandy Big] Now we can relax.

- David, stop them.

- Not on your life, they've earned it.

There are times for freedom
and this is one of them.

(happy music)

- You're wonderful.

[IN FRENCH]
You... you wonderful!

[IN FRENCH]
My little virgin.

What's that?

- I do not know it in English.

I hardly know it in French.

- I hope it's something nice.

What shall we do now?

- Hmm?

- What's the matter?

Don't you understand me?

[IN FRENCH]
Yes, I understand.

- How lovely to forget
out problems for a while.

So close to nature.

- How close to nature can you get?

You'll have to talk to them.

- I'm not gonna talk to that
smouldering French export

sex-pot about, you'll
have to talk to them.

- Me?

- It's a man's job.

- Well, to talk to boys, yes.

- Alright, we'll take one each.

(knocking at door)

Come in.

Now sit down Vanilla.

- Oh I can't sit still a second.

I'm in love.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Please direct me to
the gentlemen's toilet.

- Oh, I see.

You're learning fast.

You should understand

every word I have to say about Vanilla.

- Vanille?

But what is there to say?

- Plenty.

- But love solves
everything, Mrs. Robinson.

Surely you, a married woman, a mother,

surely you know that.

- Yes, of course it does.

But you're not in love with Henri,

you, you can't be.

- Oh yes I am.

I'm going back to Paris with him.

- He's asked you?

- No, but he will.

- Vanilla!

- Now look here Henri, about Vanilla.

[IN FRENCH]
A holiday affair, do you understand?

I [In French: Understand] very well indeed.

Now look, you've got to leave her alone.

[IN FRENCH]
It's not normal.

It certainly is normal in England.

[IN FRENCH]
Really? Tell me more.

Well you see, it's like this.

Boys and girls in England, they're,

well they're different.

[IN FRENCH]
In France also.

Will you listen?

I mean they don't go with
each other as in your country.

- But is there any other way?

- I'm trying to tell you.

- Vanilla this isn't what
I meant to discuss at all.

You'll be in love dozens of times Vanilla.

It's natural, but you
mustn't take it so seriously.

- The point is boys and
girls of your age over here,

they don't get serious about each other.

(laughing)

It's the truth.

- Monsieur Robinson, if that is so,

how do the English obtain experience?

(laughs)

- Yeah well, we muddle through you know.

- You're very sweet.

I do appreciate your, oh
delightfully innocent attempt

to advise me, but I don't need it.

For the first time in my hideous life,

I know where I'm going.

Oh Mrs. Robinson, be happy for me.

- Oh!

Vanilla?

- Anyway you'll break it off with Vanilla?

Hmm?

No more
[IN FRENCH] Love?

- Oh you ask much.

But if it is the custom.

- Oh that's a good lad.

- Ah, she will be sad.

- She'll get over it.

[IN FRENCH] That's life.

(playfully pensive music)

(crowd chattering)

- Mrs. Robinson.

- Oh not now Vanilla.

Plenty of time later.

- Oh but there won't be.

- But of course there.

You're staying on.

- Oh I'm not.

I can't.

- Of course you can.

- Mrs. Robinson--
- No, not now Vanilla.

Mrs. Spicer.

- Mrs. Robinson.

After that disgraceful charade

you put on for Colonel Matthews and myself

there was only one
thing left for me to do,

individually to canvas
all my fellow councillors

so that when next time
I propose Chartham Place

for acquisition I shall do
so assured of a majority.

- We'll fight you.

- Don't waste your time my dear.

You'll lose.

Chartham Place is as good as mine already.

- Then make yourself at home.

- It's about time the
kids were coming down,

isn't it Mrs. Robinson?

- Here here, we've gotta keep the schedule

if we wanna make that plane.

- I'm sure they won't be long now.

Something's happened.

- Yes, you could say
something has happened.

- What, Mr Robinson?

Where are my sons?

- They're upstairs Your Majesty.

And they won't come down.

None of them will.

- Won't come down?

Won't come down?

I'll tell you what will come down

and that's Lionel's trousers.

Soon as I get near him I'll--

- Harry, Harry!

- They told me to tell you
that they're happy here.

They look upon us as,

as real parents

because we care about what they do.

Being dumped in schools and holiday homes,

they think you don't care.

They--
- Lionel!

- That won't do any good Mr. Rockbottom.

They're determined, I can assure you.

There's only one way
you can get them back.

By giving your solemn
promise never to push them

out of your lives again.

Even, even to a place as good as this.

Their words, not mine.

- Tell them, okay.

- Now listen, I'm not letting
any kid dictate to me.

- I never wanted to leave him behind.

- I agree with Mr. Rockbottom.

There are obligations of obedience.

They call you the father of the people.

Is it not time you also became
the father of your sons.

It breaks my heart every
time the boys go away.

- I know love, now don't upset yourself.

- Tell them we agree to their demands.

- But darling

it's the colonial people's
conference next month.

- Edgar, we surrender.

- Huh?

Oh sure honey, sure.

(whistling)

- Well they've packed.

The little devils, they knew they'd win.

(laughing)

- But aren't you pleased

they had that much
confidence in us, a parents?

- Aye.

Ah, well, well I suppose I am.

- Bye bye.

- Goodbye Eileen.

- Bye bye Eileen darling.

- Bye bye Margaret.

- Goodbye Margaret.

- Bye Lionel.

- Bye Lionel, see you again soon.

- Goodbye, goodbye.

- Goodbye.

(crowd chattering)

Goodbye sweetie.

- [David] Bye bye and be a good girl.

- [Child] Bye Matt.

- [Dandy Little] Hi Ma, hi Pa.

- [Woman] Hello.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

Bye.

- Mrs. Robinson.

- Not now Vanilla, please.

Well, you needn't have bothered
a campaign, Mrs. Spicer,

looks like we've worked
ourselves out of a job anyway.

- Unfortunately no.

There must be thousands of
over privileged children

and their parents who would
benefit for Chartham Place.

Now as I see it you've got
yourself a job for life.

Half kills me to say so,
but jolly good luck with it.

- What about your scheme?

- Oh Colonel Matthews,

he's got that great tumbledown
building on his estate.

I'll requisition that.

He rather wanted it for a model dairy.

I think he's had that.

Don't you?

If you'll excuse me please,
I've got rather a lot do to.

- Oh please, may I come
back and help next season?

It's the only work I ever want to do.

- Well if your father agrees, of course.

- Oh thank you.

(happy music)

(throat clearing)

- Well thank you very much for having me,

Mr. and Mrs. Robinson.

- Henri.

- Thank you.

- Now Vanilla.

- Too late.

- Oh, there she is.

- Oh hello Vanilla.

- Hello Daddy.

Hello Mummy.

How was your tour of India?

- Oh most heartening.

- Fenella, you look peculiar.

- I am peculiar.

- Have you been telling stories again?

- Oh dear, oh dear.

- What was it this time?

Did she paint my sister as a drug addict?

- Oh no, just a general degenerate.

- Excuse me.

- Excuse us.

Fenella.

You and I must have a serious talk.

- And the best of luck.

- Hello darling.

- Isn't it quiet When
are they coming back?

I've got nobody to play with now.

(happy music)

- Mummy!

- Little blighter's gonna be
a bit lonely between seasons.

- Yes.

David?

- Yes?

- You know, what we always planned

when things became secure for us.

- Yes.

- They're secure now.

- Yes.