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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,866 - Looks just as good. - Where do you get these? 2 00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,119 - He's got a million. - They're so funny. 3 00:01:44,286 --> 00:01:47,247 Just remember, don't mention the Communists. 4 00:01:47,415 --> 00:01:49,457 Calvin's a great guy, but he's a little... 5 00:01:49,625 --> 00:01:51,459 - Nutty? - What's his wife like? 6 00:01:51,627 --> 00:01:54,587 - You know, housewife. - Likes to cook. 7 00:01:54,755 --> 00:01:56,756 - Pregnant. - Normal, then. 8 00:01:56,966 --> 00:01:58,800 I wouldn't go that far. 9 00:01:58,968 --> 00:02:00,510 - Helen. Hi. - Oh, hi, Betty. 10 00:02:00,678 --> 00:02:03,471 - Hi, Dave. - Just look at you. 11 00:02:03,639 --> 00:02:05,974 - Any day now. - Say hi to my sister, Ruth... 12 00:02:06,142 --> 00:02:08,268 Tell me if you heard this one. 13 00:02:08,436 --> 00:02:10,979 - A duck walks into a drugstore. - Ha, ha. 14 00:02:11,147 --> 00:02:13,648 He says, "I'd like some lip gloss." 15 00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:16,818 The clerk says, "Certainly, sir. Will this be cash or check?" 16 00:02:16,986 --> 00:02:20,739 - The duck says, "Put it on my bill." Ah? - Ha-ha-ha. 17 00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,159 Oh, brother. 18 00:02:24,326 --> 00:02:27,287 He was a golden-boy professor at Caltech. 19 00:02:27,455 --> 00:02:29,205 But then he started inventing things. 20 00:02:29,457 --> 00:02:34,711 He suddenly became very rich, and that was it, he quit teaching. 21 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,715 - How's that? - Just what the doctor ordered. Ha, ha! 22 00:02:38,883 --> 00:02:44,012 Calvin spends all of his time out there, tinkering around in the workshop. 23 00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:46,514 If you ask me, it's all very strange. 24 00:02:46,682 --> 00:02:48,016 Same is true of batteries. 25 00:02:48,225 --> 00:02:53,855 I could take your simple yacht battery and rig it to last a decade, easily. 26 00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:55,523 Say, Helen... 27 00:02:55,691 --> 00:02:58,526 what does Calvin think about this trouble down in Cuba? 28 00:02:58,694 --> 00:03:02,322 Oh, for heaven's sakes, please don't bring that up. 29 00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:16,336 I'd say my baseball card collection is as complete as any one I've ever seen. 30 00:03:16,504 --> 00:03:19,005 Calvin? Hey, Calvin, Calvin. 31 00:03:19,173 --> 00:03:22,884 Kennedy is going toe to toe with Khrushchev on television right now. 32 00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:25,553 - What? - Ooh, boy. 33 00:03:25,763 --> 00:03:27,347 On the island of Cuba... 34 00:03:27,556 --> 00:03:30,725 unmistakable evidence has established the fact... 35 00:03:30,893 --> 00:03:34,187 that a series of offensive missile sites... 36 00:03:34,355 --> 00:03:38,483 is now in preparation on that imprisoned island. 37 00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:58,419 Tower, this is Wolf 1. I got five miles to the overhead. 38 00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,713 Wolf 1, Tower, report the numbers. 39 00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:02,382 You're number one for the overhead. 40 00:04:05,594 --> 00:04:07,929 Tower, this is Wolf 1, I got a problem here. 41 00:04:08,097 --> 00:04:11,141 State your problem, Wolf 1. Are you declaring an emergency? 42 00:04:11,308 --> 00:04:13,226 Stand by, 1. 43 00:04:13,769 --> 00:04:16,229 Additional sites appear to be designed... 44 00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:18,398 for intermediate-range ballistic missiles... 45 00:04:18,566 --> 00:04:21,943 and thus capable of striking most of the major cities... 46 00:04:22,111 --> 00:04:24,279 in the western hemisphere. 47 00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:29,117 Folks, given this extraordinary turn of events... 48 00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:31,911 I think it's prudent we cut this evening short. 49 00:04:32,079 --> 00:04:34,330 I'm sure this Cuban thing will resolve itself... 50 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,748 but in the meantime... 51 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:39,586 I suggest we take a prayerful watch-and-wait stance. 52 00:04:41,422 --> 00:04:43,131 Okay, folks, let's go. 53 00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:45,592 Bye, Helen. Wish it could have been longer. 54 00:04:45,759 --> 00:04:47,343 - My coat. - Oh, here you go. 55 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,679 I'll call you, Betty. 56 00:04:53,058 --> 00:04:54,100 What did I tell you? 57 00:04:55,477 --> 00:04:56,644 Thank you. 58 00:05:00,191 --> 00:05:02,317 I'm not gonna let this pot roast go to waste. 59 00:05:02,484 --> 00:05:05,862 Calvin, could you put that seat cushion back on the lawn chair, honey? 60 00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:08,198 Shouldn't we at least turn off the phonograph? 61 00:05:08,365 --> 00:05:11,159 - It shuts off automatically. - Oh. Did you rig it to do that? 62 00:05:11,327 --> 00:05:13,328 - They all do. - Oh. 63 00:05:13,495 --> 00:05:15,163 I never know anymore. 64 00:05:17,124 --> 00:05:21,502 I'll bet that's a fighter jet on its way to Key West. 65 00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:23,004 Good luck, amigo. 66 00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:25,048 An emergency has been declared. 67 00:05:25,216 --> 00:05:26,799 An emergency has been declared. 68 00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:31,179 You hear that? I'll come back for the radio. 69 00:05:31,347 --> 00:05:34,349 Oh, Calvin, I wish you would've at least let me do the dishes. 70 00:05:34,516 --> 00:05:38,019 It's not gonna be easy to get all this dried-on food off my nice plates. 71 00:05:38,187 --> 00:05:40,855 I just hope those plates are not radioactive by tomorrow. 72 00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:43,483 Well, cheese is particularly troublesome. 73 00:05:43,692 --> 00:05:45,693 I've got secondaries of an engine fire. 74 00:05:45,861 --> 00:05:48,321 I'm gonna need to find a clear area to eject. 75 00:05:48,489 --> 00:05:51,866 Roger, Wolf 1. Can you make it to the ocean? 76 00:05:53,869 --> 00:05:55,620 Roger that, Tower. 77 00:05:55,829 --> 00:06:02,043 I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting, Tower. 78 00:06:02,211 --> 00:06:03,628 Roger, Wolf 1. 79 00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:19,394 So how long will we have to stay down here? 80 00:06:19,561 --> 00:06:22,230 For this thing to blow over could take days. 81 00:06:22,398 --> 00:06:24,983 Days? Honey, what if I go into labor? 82 00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:27,193 That could happen any time now. 83 00:06:27,361 --> 00:06:28,403 I've read up on it. 84 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:32,365 If I have to, I'll deliver the baby myself. 85 00:06:58,392 --> 00:07:00,601 Home, sweet home. 86 00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:02,061 To you, maybe. 87 00:07:13,907 --> 00:07:17,452 - Are you all right? - I think so. 88 00:07:19,955 --> 00:07:24,292 Aah! It's happened. Aah, look at that heat. 89 00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:29,088 All my surface indicators knocked out. Oh, Lord! 90 00:07:29,256 --> 00:07:30,798 It's happened. 91 00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,015 What was that noise? 92 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:42,935 The locks. 93 00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:45,521 The locks? 94 00:07:47,816 --> 00:07:51,319 To keep us from trying to leave. 95 00:07:51,487 --> 00:07:55,365 There's a radiation half-life after an atomic blast. 96 00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:56,991 It lasts 35 years. 97 00:07:58,118 --> 00:07:59,827 Thirty-five years? 98 00:08:00,454 --> 00:08:04,874 Then, after that, it's safe to go up. 99 00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:12,673 According to Caltech, this Webber guy was a bona fide genius... 100 00:08:12,841 --> 00:08:14,509 but a borderline nutcase. 101 00:08:14,676 --> 00:08:18,638 Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit. 102 00:08:18,806 --> 00:08:21,557 Unless we get a postcard or something, that'd be my guess. 103 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:25,186 - What about relatives? - They're all back east. 104 00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:28,856 Neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. 105 00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:33,361 She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr Pepper. 106 00:08:34,696 --> 00:08:37,865 - He drank it hot? - Yeah. 107 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,410 Good God. 108 00:08:58,554 --> 00:09:00,847 Hi, hon. Feeling better? 109 00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:02,348 No. 110 00:09:02,516 --> 00:09:04,142 We have to be strong... 111 00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:08,104 if not for ourselves, for the child. 112 00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:14,235 All our friends... 113 00:09:14,403 --> 00:09:16,571 Burnt to a crisp. 114 00:09:18,323 --> 00:09:21,617 - I'm not hungry. - Hot Dr Pepper. Your favorite. 115 00:09:21,785 --> 00:09:24,704 No, Calvin, your favorite. 116 00:09:26,081 --> 00:09:27,457 Really? 117 00:09:30,627 --> 00:09:33,463 Chilly? Shouldn't be. 118 00:09:33,630 --> 00:09:37,133 - Temperature's a nice 73 degrees. - Oh, maybe I've just got the creeps. 119 00:09:37,301 --> 00:09:39,677 How could you? This is just like home. 120 00:09:39,887 --> 00:09:42,763 No. No, Calvin. 121 00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:45,475 This is different, believe me. 122 00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:47,310 Would you like a tranquilizer? 123 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:53,191 - You've got tranquilizers? - I told you, I have everything. 124 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:56,736 - What? - Oh. 125 00:09:57,529 --> 00:09:59,363 Oh, hon. 126 00:10:01,241 --> 00:10:04,202 It's gonna be all right. Yeah. Just breathe. 127 00:10:05,329 --> 00:10:07,371 I'll get my stuff. 128 00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:14,253 ♪ Oh, it's a good day ♪ ♪ For singin' a song ♪ 129 00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:17,548 ♪ And it's a good day ♪ ♪ For movin' along ♪ 130 00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:21,469 ♪ Yes, it's a good day ♪ ♪ How could anything go wrong? ♪ 131 00:10:21,637 --> 00:10:24,138 ♪ A good day ♪ ♪ From mornin' till night ♪ 132 00:10:24,306 --> 00:10:26,307 ♪ - Yes it's a good day ♪ ♪ - It's a lovely day ♪ 133 00:10:26,475 --> 00:10:27,558 ♪ For shinin' your shoes ♪ 134 00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:29,977 ♪ - And it's a good day ♪ ♪ - If you want a silver linin' ♪ 135 00:10:30,145 --> 00:10:31,187 ♪ For losin' the blues ♪ 136 00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:33,481 ♪ Everything to gain ♪ ♪ And nothing to lose ♪ 137 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:36,859 ♪ 'Cause it's a good day ♪ ♪ From mornin' to night ♪ 138 00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,069 ♪ You're right! ♪ 139 00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:41,739 ♪ I said to the sun "Good mornin', sun!" ♪ 140 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:45,201 - Is there a problem? - No, Calvin, babies cry. 141 00:10:46,161 --> 00:10:48,746 - I've noticed. - What should we call him? 142 00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:50,748 I don't know. 143 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,751 Well, I was thinking in light of the situation... 144 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,795 we should call him Adam. 145 00:10:55,963 --> 00:10:59,924 - That's not sacrilegious, is it? - No, I think it's just right. 146 00:11:01,176 --> 00:11:04,512 And I was wondering if... If... 147 00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:08,057 Whatever you want, Helen. 148 00:11:08,225 --> 00:11:09,684 I want a bedroom ceiling. 149 00:11:13,814 --> 00:11:15,231 You got it. 150 00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:21,195 ♪ 'Cause it's a good day ♪ ♪ For payin' your bills ♪ 151 00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:24,490 ♪ And it's a good day ♪ ♪ For curin' your ills ♪ 152 00:11:24,658 --> 00:11:27,952 ♪ So take a deep breath ♪ ♪ Throw away all your pills ♪ 153 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,413 ♪ 'Cause it's a good day ♪ ♪ From mornin' till night ♪ 154 00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:33,457 See, I flick this switch... 155 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:36,961 and the image is projected onto a mirror... 156 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:40,214 and the picture comes out here, and it's perfect. 157 00:11:49,683 --> 00:11:52,351 - Well, almost perfect. - Jackie Gleason. 158 00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:56,897 You know something? People will never get tired of watching these. 159 00:12:06,742 --> 00:12:07,742 Lord... 160 00:12:07,909 --> 00:12:11,078 bless this food, this family... 161 00:12:11,288 --> 00:12:13,914 and make us ever mindful of the needs of others. 162 00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:16,917 - Amen. - Amen. 163 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,711 Let's eat. 164 00:12:35,312 --> 00:12:36,687 Calvin? 165 00:12:37,356 --> 00:12:41,108 - Out here, hon. - Oh, there you are. 166 00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:44,236 We've looked all over for you. 167 00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:47,657 What are you doing back here? 168 00:12:47,824 --> 00:12:51,285 - I was just examining this rear hatchway. - Why? 169 00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:57,291 Well, it's pretty clear that when the bomb went off, the front entrance caved in... 170 00:12:57,459 --> 00:13:01,545 so, you know, we'll have to return to the surface using this back entrance... 171 00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:04,548 which is very nice because it has the service elevator. 172 00:13:05,592 --> 00:13:09,345 - Unless it's caved in too. - Well, yes. 173 00:13:09,513 --> 00:13:14,684 - You wanted to see me? - Yes. You ready, Adam? Watch this. 174 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,688 He can stand up all by himself. Show Daddy. 175 00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:21,649 - All by himself. Stand up, Adam. - That's my guy. 176 00:13:21,817 --> 00:13:22,900 Stand up. 177 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,152 My son. 178 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,657 Up, Adam, to the moon. 179 00:13:44,673 --> 00:13:46,465 Hey, boss. 180 00:13:46,633 --> 00:13:47,842 What do you make of this? 181 00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:50,511 - Damned if I know. - Bet it's some kind of septic tank. 182 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:52,847 Never seen a septic tank that looked like that. 183 00:13:53,014 --> 00:13:56,100 Don't fool with it. If it is a septic tank, I don't wanna open it. 184 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,102 We'll just lay the foundation over it. 185 00:14:03,150 --> 00:14:07,987 "In Wonderland." 186 00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:12,742 I'd like to see the public school system match that. I don't care how terrific it is. 187 00:14:12,909 --> 00:14:15,077 Don't you think he's a little young for school? 188 00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,122 People have no idea what the human mind is capable of. 189 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:23,335 Look, Daddy. Alice went down a hole, just like us. 190 00:14:23,503 --> 00:14:25,963 Will I ever get to go up on top? 191 00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:29,800 Yes, you certainly will, and you'll find a nice girl... 192 00:14:29,968 --> 00:14:32,595 and rebuild America just the way it used to be. 193 00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:36,724 Oh, Calvin. I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept. 194 00:14:36,892 --> 00:14:38,893 I'm convinced there'll be other survivors. 195 00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:42,146 In fact, I'm guessing there's life on the surface even now. 196 00:14:42,314 --> 00:14:46,400 Not life worth living, perhaps, but believe me... 197 00:14:46,568 --> 00:14:48,527 something is moving around up there. 198 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:05,336 I'm gonna need two more banana splits and a Cherry Coke. 199 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:06,921 You bet, Mom. Coming up. 200 00:15:07,088 --> 00:15:10,257 Oh, by the way, Mom, thanks for the job. 201 00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:12,760 - Buck-15 an hour. - He's cute. 202 00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:17,723 Your husband is crazy. 203 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,935 All right, what's the big news? 204 00:15:21,102 --> 00:15:25,189 - Ha-ha-ha. Ah. - Oh, you're a riot. 205 00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:30,194 Oh, what a riot you are. Ha-ha-ha. 206 00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,155 - Watch this. - Very funny. Ha-ha-ha! 207 00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:35,199 - Ha-ha-ha! - You're a real riot. 208 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,618 They're coming now to put you on a stage. 209 00:15:37,828 --> 00:15:39,912 There's been complaints about me on the bus. 210 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,998 He's sending me to the company psychiatrist. 211 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,668 - Psychiatrist? - Yeah, psychiatrist. 212 00:15:45,836 --> 00:15:49,255 - And that means I'm crazy. - Oh, don't be silly, Ralph. 213 00:15:49,464 --> 00:15:52,716 Just sending you to a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're crazy. 214 00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:55,010 Stick it. That's right. 215 00:15:55,178 --> 00:15:59,223 Hook off the jab. That's right. Bob and weave. Bob and weave. 216 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:00,724 Okay. Bob and weave. 217 00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:04,228 Excuse me, boys, but I believe it's my turn now. 218 00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:18,868 Three, four, five... 219 00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:22,329 five, six, six, spin. 220 00:16:32,465 --> 00:16:35,551 - May I cut in? - You certainly may. 221 00:16:35,802 --> 00:16:37,845 Thank you, sir. 222 00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:17,885 I miss those nice flower-power kids. How about you? 223 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,429 Ugh. 224 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,099 ♪ I've heard people say ♪ 225 00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:29,313 What the hell kind of music is that? 226 00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,858 Oh, man. 227 00:17:33,026 --> 00:17:35,361 I'm not sure I like that. 228 00:17:36,529 --> 00:17:38,530 Change it. 229 00:17:38,698 --> 00:17:41,784 ♪ We've shared love and made love ♪ 230 00:17:42,953 --> 00:17:45,079 ♪ It's just not enough ♪ 231 00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:47,706 ♪ Oh, oh, babe ♪ 232 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:53,879 ♪ My darling, I ♪ 233 00:17:54,047 --> 00:17:57,299 ♪ Can't get enough of your love, babe ♪ 234 00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:00,761 These are stock certificates. 235 00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:04,640 Your mom and I bought them for you. 236 00:18:04,808 --> 00:18:09,979 Of course, they're worthless now, but at one time they were quite valuable. 237 00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:12,856 They're pretty. Could I have them? 238 00:18:13,066 --> 00:18:14,274 Heh. Sure. 239 00:18:14,442 --> 00:18:18,570 Now, let's move on to our French exam. 240 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,865 Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday. 241 00:18:23,994 --> 00:18:28,580 Gosh, it is Tuesday. Time flies, doesn't it? 242 00:18:42,804 --> 00:18:45,919 You have a wonderful sense of humor, son, I must say. 243 00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:51,311 The acorn does not fall very far from the tree. 244 00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:55,607 Oh, no! Agh! Oh, jeez. No. 245 00:18:55,775 --> 00:18:56,984 - I got you. - I got... 246 00:18:57,152 --> 00:19:00,112 - Hi, hon. - Hi. 247 00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:06,452 This is wonderful. 248 00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:11,540 It's my baseball card collection. It's yours now. 249 00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:16,086 - What's baseball? - It's a game, son. 250 00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:20,424 I can explain it pretty easily. You see, there's a pitcher. 251 00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:22,509 Oh, like a painting? 252 00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:25,512 No. A pitcher. 253 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,765 Like one of Mom's? 254 00:19:27,932 --> 00:19:32,019 No, there's a man who throws the ball to a man who has a bat. 255 00:19:32,187 --> 00:19:35,564 - Oh, the nocturnal flying mammal? - No. 256 00:19:59,506 --> 00:20:03,967 I'm selling this place. I want out of this hellhole. 257 00:20:04,135 --> 00:20:06,887 Whoa. Uh... 258 00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:08,680 Could I, uh...? 259 00:20:08,848 --> 00:20:11,725 If you sell, uh... 260 00:20:12,352 --> 00:20:14,394 Me... Could I, uh...? 261 00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:17,606 - Buy it from me? - Yeah, yeah, that's it. 262 00:20:17,774 --> 00:20:21,735 - I'll give it to you, no money down. - Cool. 263 00:20:22,445 --> 00:20:25,405 This neighborhood's going to hell, anyway. 264 00:20:26,574 --> 00:20:30,536 At last! I am master of all I survey! 265 00:20:34,582 --> 00:20:35,666 No, no. Listen. 266 00:20:36,417 --> 00:20:39,044 I'm only gonna explain this one more time. 267 00:20:39,212 --> 00:20:41,797 The runner on second goes to third. 268 00:20:42,204 --> 00:20:44,872 - It's... He's out there. - Why? 269 00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:48,833 Because he's forced out. It's... It's a force. 270 00:20:49,305 --> 00:20:53,475 - Then why go there? - Because he must. 271 00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:56,812 - Calvin. - Coming. 272 00:20:59,607 --> 00:21:00,774 Yes, dear? 273 00:21:00,942 --> 00:21:03,152 You get the presents, I'll get the lights. 274 00:21:03,361 --> 00:21:04,862 You bet. 275 00:21:06,489 --> 00:21:10,742 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 276 00:21:10,910 --> 00:21:14,746 ♪ And many more ♪ 277 00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,373 Ha! 278 00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:19,501 Thanks, Mom. Thank you, Dad. 279 00:21:19,752 --> 00:21:20,794 Blow out the candles. 280 00:21:20,962 --> 00:21:22,713 - Make a wish. - Um... 281 00:21:28,761 --> 00:21:30,262 Here. 282 00:21:38,813 --> 00:21:41,815 Oh, boy, a jacket. 283 00:21:41,983 --> 00:21:44,985 - Your mom made that all by herself. - No kidding? 284 00:21:45,153 --> 00:21:48,989 No kidding. Who else would have done it? 285 00:21:49,157 --> 00:21:51,200 I made these. 286 00:21:59,292 --> 00:22:01,585 Holy cow. 287 00:22:01,794 --> 00:22:03,670 What the heck are these? 288 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,174 It's your roller skates, yup. I redesigned them. 289 00:22:07,342 --> 00:22:10,177 These are really swell. I mean swell. 290 00:22:10,345 --> 00:22:12,012 Well, what did you wish for, son? 291 00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:15,057 - If he tells, it won't come true. - That's a bunch of baloney. 292 00:22:15,225 --> 00:22:19,102 - My family never believed that. - Well, we did, in my family. 293 00:22:19,312 --> 00:22:21,813 I wished that I could meet a girl. 294 00:22:23,024 --> 00:22:26,193 - Oh, well, a nice one? - Yes, ma'am. 295 00:22:26,402 --> 00:22:30,864 - One that doesn't glow in the dark. - Calvin Webber, what a thing to say. 296 00:22:31,074 --> 00:22:34,201 Well, we'll be going up in two years. We'll know then. 297 00:22:34,369 --> 00:22:35,577 I'm very hopeful. 298 00:22:36,955 --> 00:22:38,121 Me too. 299 00:22:38,331 --> 00:22:39,539 - Elbows, son. - Mm? 300 00:22:39,707 --> 00:22:42,334 Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. What the heck am I thinking tonight? 301 00:22:42,502 --> 00:22:45,879 Well, you never know. You might someday dine with the president. 302 00:22:46,047 --> 00:22:48,131 If we still have one. Ha, ha. 303 00:22:49,679 --> 00:22:53,265 You know, when we do go up, I'm gonna miss this place. 304 00:22:56,565 --> 00:22:57,649 How about you, hon? 305 00:23:03,731 --> 00:23:06,233 Would you please excuse me? 306 00:23:06,401 --> 00:23:08,902 No, no, no, don't get up. 307 00:24:11,007 --> 00:24:14,801 - Should we say a prayer first? - Just open the door. 308 00:24:29,650 --> 00:24:31,485 Long time. 309 00:24:34,364 --> 00:24:37,491 Well, it's dirty... 310 00:24:40,703 --> 00:24:42,996 but it seems to be okay. 311 00:24:46,459 --> 00:24:48,251 I know you're happy. 312 00:24:51,255 --> 00:24:53,548 Do we just go on up? 313 00:24:54,509 --> 00:24:55,675 No, son. 314 00:24:55,843 --> 00:24:59,221 Now is the time we must be at our most cautious. 315 00:24:59,389 --> 00:25:02,766 - We wait for night. - Oh, shit. 316 00:25:03,731 --> 00:25:05,231 Helen Thomas Webber... 317 00:25:05,531 --> 00:25:08,375 maybe we have been down here a little too long. 318 00:25:09,649 --> 00:25:11,149 Pardon her French, son. 319 00:25:11,692 --> 00:25:13,193 "Shit" is French? 320 00:25:14,529 --> 00:25:15,779 Well, it's archaic French. 321 00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:21,076 It's a 16th-century colloquialism meaning, roughly, "good." 322 00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:22,953 Your father's right. 323 00:25:23,121 --> 00:25:24,746 Well... 324 00:25:24,914 --> 00:25:26,248 shit. 325 00:25:28,751 --> 00:25:29,793 Ah. 326 00:25:41,597 --> 00:25:43,807 All of these things... 327 00:25:43,975 --> 00:25:49,438 Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, uh, Heroin Anonymous... 328 00:25:49,605 --> 00:25:51,731 There's a Heroin Anonymous? 329 00:25:51,899 --> 00:25:54,901 Will you please shut up? 330 00:25:55,069 --> 00:25:56,445 Sorry, sorry. 331 00:25:56,612 --> 00:26:03,118 All of these things ask you to believe in a power greater than yourself. 332 00:26:03,286 --> 00:26:07,497 Well, I have lifted my eyes skyward a time or two... 333 00:26:07,665 --> 00:26:11,376 and I certainly have not seen anything coming from up there. 334 00:26:11,544 --> 00:26:13,920 Except a goddamn airplane. 335 00:26:14,088 --> 00:26:16,923 Which I can't afford to get on. Ha-ha-ha! 336 00:26:18,885 --> 00:26:21,428 Whoa, earthquake. Another earthquake. 337 00:26:21,596 --> 00:26:24,848 Let her come, let her come. Let's get this over with. 338 00:26:34,942 --> 00:26:37,569 Oh, God. Oh, God. 339 00:26:39,113 --> 00:26:41,239 Oh, God. 340 00:26:41,407 --> 00:26:43,742 Oh, my God. 341 00:26:43,951 --> 00:26:45,744 Oh, God, save me. 342 00:26:48,623 --> 00:26:51,750 For I have seen the light. 343 00:27:00,885 --> 00:27:02,802 I come... 344 00:27:03,304 --> 00:27:04,971 in peace. 345 00:27:21,906 --> 00:27:25,784 Leave my elevator alone. 346 00:27:46,764 --> 00:27:50,058 What happened to my back yard? 347 00:28:28,014 --> 00:28:29,723 Got a light, honey? 348 00:28:30,474 --> 00:28:34,978 A light? Yes, I do have a light. 349 00:28:37,148 --> 00:28:39,232 Good. Thank you. 350 00:28:40,026 --> 00:28:44,529 - So you survived the blast. - The blast? Ha, ha. 351 00:28:44,697 --> 00:28:46,656 Honey, I've survived a host of things. 352 00:28:46,824 --> 00:28:49,784 Like the song says, a country boy can survive. 353 00:28:49,994 --> 00:28:51,828 Did you say you were a country boy? 354 00:28:52,038 --> 00:28:55,540 Cute little old man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy... 355 00:28:55,708 --> 00:28:57,584 and if you want a girl, I can be a girl. 356 00:28:57,752 --> 00:28:59,210 I can be whatever you want me to be. 357 00:28:59,378 --> 00:29:00,879 - Really? - Uh-huh. 358 00:29:01,088 --> 00:29:03,965 It's all yours for the remarkably low price of $200. 359 00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:07,469 And if you act now, I may even throw in some free lawn furniture. 360 00:29:07,637 --> 00:29:09,220 Now, how about that? 361 00:29:09,388 --> 00:29:11,723 No. Thanks. 362 00:29:11,891 --> 00:29:15,644 - Thank you. I have to go. - Go. 363 00:29:15,811 --> 00:29:17,771 I have to go. 364 00:29:17,938 --> 00:29:20,440 Get out of here, you old drunk. 365 00:29:25,863 --> 00:29:28,782 Surprise. Bang! Ha-ha-ha. 366 00:29:28,949 --> 00:29:30,825 Oh! 367 00:29:35,414 --> 00:29:37,415 No! 368 00:29:40,211 --> 00:29:41,878 I'm gonna give it to you straight. 369 00:29:42,046 --> 00:29:44,047 There's no point beating around the bush. 370 00:29:44,215 --> 00:29:45,298 There were survivors. 371 00:29:45,758 --> 00:29:50,887 Apparently, the fallout has created a subspecies, mutants. 372 00:29:51,972 --> 00:29:53,932 Mutants? 373 00:29:54,100 --> 00:29:57,894 Not a pretty sight. Some eat out of garbage cans, others... 374 00:29:58,062 --> 00:30:00,230 Cover your ears, son, and hum. 375 00:30:00,398 --> 00:30:02,982 I mean that literally. I mean it right now. 376 00:30:04,902 --> 00:30:08,530 Others are multisexual. 377 00:30:08,739 --> 00:30:13,076 It seems they can be both masculine and feminine simultaneously. 378 00:30:13,244 --> 00:30:14,661 - No. - Yes. 379 00:30:14,829 --> 00:30:16,371 - I don't believe it. - Believe it. 380 00:30:16,539 --> 00:30:19,457 He tried to sell me his body, Helen. 381 00:30:19,625 --> 00:30:22,919 They offer lawn furniture as a come-on. 382 00:30:25,756 --> 00:30:26,965 All right. 383 00:30:27,133 --> 00:30:28,967 They have done a lot of rebuilding... 384 00:30:29,176 --> 00:30:32,387 though society, at least as we know it, has totally collapsed. 385 00:30:32,555 --> 00:30:35,890 People throw up in the streets. Others point guns. 386 00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:38,768 There's something terribly wrong with the automobiles. 387 00:30:38,936 --> 00:30:43,148 I can't tell you the rest, I just can't. Maybe someday. 388 00:30:43,315 --> 00:30:45,984 - So, what do we do now? - We stay down here. 389 00:30:46,152 --> 00:30:48,278 - We do? - Yes. We'll make do. 390 00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:50,905 We have clothes, we have running water from a well. 391 00:30:51,073 --> 00:30:53,700 I am convinced these mutants will kill each other off... 392 00:30:53,868 --> 00:30:57,370 No, Calvin, we won't make do. Not me, not Adam. 393 00:30:57,538 --> 00:30:58,872 We're going up. 394 00:30:59,039 --> 00:31:01,458 I don't care how horrible it is. We deserve it. 395 00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,961 - I am the head of this household. - I want him to at least see the sky. 396 00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:07,756 - We will. - The ocean, a mountain. 397 00:31:07,923 --> 00:31:10,216 Do as I say! 398 00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:19,768 - Dad? - Ugh! 399 00:31:19,935 --> 00:31:21,478 - Son...! - Oh, Adam. 400 00:31:21,645 --> 00:31:23,855 Oh, my goodness. Let's get him to the bedroom. 401 00:31:25,232 --> 00:31:28,151 He seems to be doing all right now. 402 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,236 I don't know if he had a heart attack... 403 00:31:30,404 --> 00:31:33,907 or just a horrifying experience, but we need supplies... 404 00:31:34,074 --> 00:31:36,159 and I've gotta stay with him. 405 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:37,494 I'll go up. 406 00:31:38,287 --> 00:31:41,706 - I'm afraid you must. - I'll be all right. 407 00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:44,459 My brave boy. 408 00:31:46,378 --> 00:31:50,131 Just act normal. And if anyone asks, simply say: 409 00:31:50,299 --> 00:31:52,592 "I'm from out of town. I'm here on business." 410 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,053 - Here on business. - Write that down. 411 00:31:55,554 --> 00:31:58,181 Now, I'm gonna give you a shopping list and some money. 412 00:31:58,349 --> 00:32:00,934 We'll need enough to get through the next year or two. 413 00:32:01,101 --> 00:32:04,521 You'll find these items at what used to be called a grocery store... 414 00:32:04,688 --> 00:32:06,898 or a hardware store. Write that down. 415 00:32:07,066 --> 00:32:10,068 I don't know how far you'll have to travel to find supplies... 416 00:32:10,236 --> 00:32:14,280 but if you can't get home by nightfall, I want you to look for a Holiday Inn. 417 00:32:14,448 --> 00:32:19,369 It's a hotel. Write that down. There might still be one left standing. 418 00:32:19,537 --> 00:32:20,995 Oh. 419 00:32:21,372 --> 00:32:24,582 - Well, let's get you packed. - Right. 420 00:32:24,750 --> 00:32:26,626 Just hope this is still good up there. 421 00:32:26,794 --> 00:32:28,545 - Say, Mom? - Yes, dear? 422 00:32:28,712 --> 00:32:30,421 I was wondering, um... 423 00:32:30,589 --> 00:32:33,550 you know, while I was up there and all, I was thinking... 424 00:32:33,717 --> 00:32:37,178 Well, you know, I was wondering if maybe I could, uh... 425 00:32:37,805 --> 00:32:39,639 meet a girl. 426 00:32:40,432 --> 00:32:44,477 I've been thinking about that a little. Just these last 15 years or so. 427 00:32:44,687 --> 00:32:48,064 Oh, Adam, it would be wonderful if you could meet a girl. 428 00:32:48,232 --> 00:32:51,109 One who's not a mutant and hopefully comes from Pasadena. 429 00:32:51,277 --> 00:32:54,487 Nothing against Valley girls, but in my day, anyhow... 430 00:32:54,655 --> 00:32:58,366 girls from Pasadena, I don't know, just always seemed a little bit nicer. 431 00:32:58,534 --> 00:33:02,954 Oh, and, son, there's also something called a liquor store. 432 00:33:03,122 --> 00:33:04,706 Write that down. 433 00:33:04,874 --> 00:33:06,749 Liquor store. 434 00:33:24,018 --> 00:33:25,685 Calvin? 435 00:33:31,859 --> 00:33:33,067 Son. 436 00:33:40,242 --> 00:33:41,618 Adam. 437 00:33:41,785 --> 00:33:43,036 Yes, Father? 438 00:33:43,203 --> 00:33:49,500 Don't forget: Stay out of the adult bookstore. 439 00:33:50,085 --> 00:33:53,296 Adult bookstore. Why? 440 00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:58,468 Poison gas. Invisible. 441 00:34:00,095 --> 00:34:01,763 Don't forget. 442 00:34:01,931 --> 00:34:04,849 I promise. Is that all? 443 00:34:05,017 --> 00:34:06,559 Uh. 444 00:34:10,940 --> 00:34:12,106 One more thing. 445 00:34:14,443 --> 00:34:19,405 If you find a healthy young woman... 446 00:34:21,158 --> 00:34:23,117 bring her on down. 447 00:34:24,578 --> 00:34:25,954 Yes, sir. 448 00:34:26,538 --> 00:34:27,997 Uh. 449 00:34:48,477 --> 00:34:50,103 Are you all right? 450 00:34:50,270 --> 00:34:53,940 Yes, yes. Oh, Lord, yes. 451 00:34:54,108 --> 00:34:57,860 Are you the one who came last night all in yellow? 452 00:34:58,070 --> 00:35:01,823 All in yellow? Oh, that was my father. 453 00:35:02,616 --> 00:35:04,659 Oh, of course. The father. 454 00:35:05,452 --> 00:35:10,123 Forgive me. Can you forgive me for my wasted life? 455 00:35:10,332 --> 00:35:12,208 Everything has been so awful. 456 00:35:12,459 --> 00:35:15,294 I know, it has been terrible. 457 00:35:15,462 --> 00:35:17,630 But it's not your fault. 458 00:35:17,798 --> 00:35:21,217 And now that all the decay is over with, things are going to get better. 459 00:35:21,844 --> 00:35:25,596 - You understand? - Yes, yes. 460 00:35:27,683 --> 00:35:30,977 - Well, I have to go now. - Of course, of course you do. 461 00:35:31,145 --> 00:35:35,106 - I'll stay here and pray. - See, now, that's always a good idea. 462 00:35:35,315 --> 00:35:36,649 Yeah. 463 00:35:37,192 --> 00:35:38,651 How do I leave this place? 464 00:35:39,319 --> 00:35:41,029 Uh, the front door is open. 465 00:35:42,489 --> 00:35:44,365 Will you be back? 466 00:35:45,159 --> 00:35:46,492 I promise. 467 00:36:24,364 --> 00:36:25,782 What? 468 00:36:25,949 --> 00:36:27,575 What is it? 469 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,202 The sky. 470 00:36:29,870 --> 00:36:33,664 - The sky? Where? - Up there. 471 00:36:34,208 --> 00:36:36,709 - I don't see anything. - Just look. 472 00:36:36,919 --> 00:36:38,878 What is it? 473 00:36:39,046 --> 00:36:41,798 He says he sees something. 474 00:36:45,552 --> 00:36:46,969 - What is it? - The sky. 475 00:36:47,179 --> 00:36:48,221 I see it, Mommy. 476 00:36:48,388 --> 00:36:52,058 I have never in my life seen anything like it before. 477 00:36:52,768 --> 00:36:54,894 Or like you. 478 00:37:01,777 --> 00:37:03,069 What are you looking at? 479 00:37:03,237 --> 00:37:06,572 Oh, my lucky stars, a Negro. 480 00:37:06,782 --> 00:37:08,991 - Say what? - How do you do, ma'am? 481 00:37:09,201 --> 00:37:10,827 I do all right. 482 00:37:11,036 --> 00:37:15,123 - Ha, ha. Good. - Okay? 483 00:37:16,959 --> 00:37:19,127 What is it? What do you see? 484 00:37:19,294 --> 00:37:22,004 Oh, we were just looking at the... 485 00:37:22,172 --> 00:37:23,714 - Oh, no! - What? 486 00:37:23,882 --> 00:37:27,093 Poisonous gas! Run for your life! Run! Run! Run for your life! 487 00:37:27,261 --> 00:37:30,429 Invisible poisonous gas! 488 00:37:34,852 --> 00:37:36,352 - You know... - Aah! 489 00:37:38,814 --> 00:37:40,857 I just wanna say... 490 00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,776 I think he's gonna be fine. 491 00:37:44,611 --> 00:37:47,697 Thank you, Calvin. Thank you very much. 492 00:37:47,865 --> 00:37:49,157 He's smart. 493 00:37:49,324 --> 00:37:51,617 Yes, dear, I know. 494 00:37:52,161 --> 00:37:54,954 But he's still such a baby. 495 00:37:55,122 --> 00:37:57,790 He's a man. 496 00:37:57,958 --> 00:37:59,709 He's a baby man. 497 00:38:00,669 --> 00:38:05,464 I tried to give the driver this, but he wouldn't take it. 498 00:38:06,550 --> 00:38:08,634 Seems kind of angry. 499 00:38:09,136 --> 00:38:10,595 Lot of people do. 500 00:38:10,762 --> 00:38:13,848 Oh, boy. Here we go. 501 00:38:14,016 --> 00:38:16,601 Hold on, everyone. Hold on. 502 00:38:16,768 --> 00:38:18,811 Wow. Ha-ha-ha. 503 00:38:18,979 --> 00:38:21,105 So this is public transportation. 504 00:38:21,273 --> 00:38:24,775 My father says it becomes more and more important because of pollution... 505 00:38:24,943 --> 00:38:29,113 which is more and more carbon dioxide and other hazardous gases in the air. 506 00:38:30,365 --> 00:38:32,158 Do you have a gun, by the way? 507 00:38:35,162 --> 00:38:38,289 Oh. Well, thank you for not waving it around. 508 00:38:38,457 --> 00:38:41,167 And for not vomiting, for that matter. 509 00:38:41,376 --> 00:38:44,503 Say, do you know where I could find a grocery store? 510 00:38:44,922 --> 00:38:45,963 I have to find that. 511 00:38:46,131 --> 00:38:48,341 That and a hardware store and a liquor store... 512 00:38:48,508 --> 00:38:51,010 - ... and a standing Holiday Inn. - Uh... Uh... 513 00:38:51,178 --> 00:38:54,013 - ... there's a grocery store up the street. - Where? Where? 514 00:38:54,181 --> 00:38:55,640 - Up there. - Oh, thank you. 515 00:38:55,807 --> 00:38:59,477 Driver, please stop the bus immediately. I wish to get off. 516 00:38:59,686 --> 00:39:02,480 - Please stop the bus, sir. - Stop the bus! 517 00:39:06,235 --> 00:39:08,694 - Paper or plastic? - Paper, please. 518 00:39:08,904 --> 00:39:10,529 Do you have a club card? 519 00:39:12,157 --> 00:39:13,199 Here you go. 520 00:39:13,367 --> 00:39:15,618 I need a price check on Register 4... 521 00:39:15,786 --> 00:39:17,453 Diet Dr Pepper six-pack. 522 00:39:21,416 --> 00:39:23,334 - Ah-ha! - Ha. 523 00:39:27,381 --> 00:39:30,716 A manager to the front, check approval, Register 1. 524 00:39:30,926 --> 00:39:31,968 Can I help you? 525 00:39:32,135 --> 00:39:35,388 Oh, yes. Uh, I'd like to get some all-beef patties. 526 00:39:35,555 --> 00:39:36,722 Fresh or frozen? 527 00:39:37,683 --> 00:39:41,978 Come on. Frozen. How much are they? 528 00:39:42,229 --> 00:39:44,897 Frozen they're 6.30 a dozen in a 3-pound box. 529 00:39:45,065 --> 00:39:47,358 Twelve into 900 is 75. 530 00:39:47,567 --> 00:39:50,987 That's almost $500 just for the hamburger. 531 00:39:51,154 --> 00:39:53,739 My mother only gave me $3000 for everything. 532 00:39:53,949 --> 00:39:55,825 The yacht batteries, the pipe tobacco... 533 00:39:55,993 --> 00:39:59,161 the diesel oil, the bleach, the floss, the birthday candles... 534 00:39:59,329 --> 00:40:02,415 You could get a meat order that big delivered to your home. 535 00:40:02,582 --> 00:40:04,500 - Really? - Sure. 536 00:40:04,710 --> 00:40:07,253 Oh, well, that's terrific. Heh. 537 00:40:08,213 --> 00:40:11,465 Except it just occurred to me that I don't know where home is. 538 00:40:13,260 --> 00:40:14,885 I'm lost. 539 00:40:15,053 --> 00:40:17,221 - Do you know where I live? - No. 540 00:40:17,431 --> 00:40:19,849 - Will you please excuse me? - Gladly. 541 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,184 Thank you. 542 00:40:46,626 --> 00:40:49,879 Driver, please stop the bus. 543 00:41:18,325 --> 00:41:20,659 - Hello. - Hi. 544 00:41:20,827 --> 00:41:24,497 The name's Adam Webber, and I see that you buy baseball cards. 545 00:41:24,664 --> 00:41:27,291 Although these are older than the ones in the window... 546 00:41:27,459 --> 00:41:29,460 I was hoping that you still might be interested. 547 00:41:29,628 --> 00:41:31,796 Uh... Oh, ahem. 548 00:41:31,963 --> 00:41:34,590 How much you want for this Mickey Mantle rookie season? 549 00:41:34,758 --> 00:41:37,093 Well, I was hoping to sell all of the cards. 550 00:41:37,302 --> 00:41:39,303 Really? No kidding? 551 00:41:39,471 --> 00:41:42,515 All I have are hundred-dollar bills. I need something smaller. 552 00:41:42,682 --> 00:41:45,267 - You know, ones, tens, fives. - I see what you mean. 553 00:41:45,435 --> 00:41:46,685 I'll tell you what. 554 00:41:46,853 --> 00:41:51,524 How about I give you $500 in small bills for the whole box? 555 00:41:53,193 --> 00:41:55,945 - That would be wonderful. - Ah, shit. 556 00:41:58,031 --> 00:42:00,366 I'm working here, Evie-poo, don't screw me up. 557 00:42:00,575 --> 00:42:03,786 Yeah, I can see you're working, all right. 558 00:42:06,873 --> 00:42:08,290 Oh, you're French? 559 00:42:09,084 --> 00:42:13,045 No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business. 560 00:42:13,213 --> 00:42:15,506 Your business must not be sports memorabilia... 561 00:42:15,674 --> 00:42:17,716 because this one Mantle card right here? 562 00:42:17,884 --> 00:42:21,053 Worth $6000 all by its itty-bitty self. 563 00:42:21,221 --> 00:42:24,181 - Get out of here. - No, you get out of here. 564 00:42:24,391 --> 00:42:26,976 Terrific. You're fired, you know that, huh? 565 00:42:27,185 --> 00:42:29,687 - I quit. - No, no, no, I fired you. 566 00:42:29,896 --> 00:42:32,398 Just like the hair-salon guy and the Chevy dealer. 567 00:42:32,649 --> 00:42:35,234 You know why you can't keep a goddamn job? 568 00:42:35,402 --> 00:42:38,028 Because you can't keep your goddamn mouth shut. 569 00:42:38,238 --> 00:42:40,239 Excuse me, but I'd really appreciate it... 570 00:42:40,407 --> 00:42:42,992 if you wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain again. 571 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,161 You got a problem with that, partner? 572 00:42:45,370 --> 00:42:48,664 Yes, I have a big problem with that. 573 00:42:49,708 --> 00:42:52,418 Come on, Heathcliff. I'll walk you out. 574 00:42:53,545 --> 00:42:56,422 Yes, ma'am, but my name's Adam. 575 00:42:56,590 --> 00:42:59,425 Ha! Adam and Eve, the perfect match. 576 00:42:59,593 --> 00:43:01,927 I hope the two of you will be very happy together. 577 00:43:02,137 --> 00:43:03,429 Mazel-fucking-tov. 578 00:43:03,638 --> 00:43:05,723 And don't come back, neither, Miss Big-Shot. 579 00:43:05,891 --> 00:43:08,559 I'm serious, you're finished in the hobby business. 580 00:43:08,768 --> 00:43:11,604 - So where are we going? - We? I'm going home. 581 00:43:11,771 --> 00:43:14,732 Judging by that coat, you have to get back to barber college. 582 00:43:14,900 --> 00:43:16,108 No, I'm lost. 583 00:43:16,276 --> 00:43:18,235 - Ugh. You're lost? - Uh-huh. 584 00:43:18,403 --> 00:43:21,280 Say, did you just lose your job back there because of me? 585 00:43:21,448 --> 00:43:24,283 Oh, forget about it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead. 586 00:43:24,451 --> 00:43:25,618 - Dickhead? - Yes. 587 00:43:25,785 --> 00:43:28,412 A walking penis capable of intelligent speech. 588 00:43:28,622 --> 00:43:30,247 A dickhead. 589 00:43:30,790 --> 00:43:33,626 - What is wrong with you? - I just had this mental picture... 590 00:43:33,793 --> 00:43:36,212 Here, help me pick these up. 591 00:43:36,379 --> 00:43:39,256 Oh, thank you. 592 00:43:40,091 --> 00:43:43,219 - Where are you parked? - I came on a bus. 593 00:43:43,386 --> 00:43:44,803 Why does that not surprise me? 594 00:43:44,971 --> 00:43:46,972 I don't know, why doesn't it surprise you? 595 00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:49,642 Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic. 596 00:43:49,809 --> 00:43:52,978 - I have this thing. - Oh, that's nice. 597 00:43:53,188 --> 00:43:56,982 Yeah. Let me guess something. This is your first visit to la-la land. 598 00:43:57,192 --> 00:43:59,652 You're staying in Hollywood because like an idiot... 599 00:43:59,819 --> 00:44:02,571 you thought that would be exciting. Am I right so far? 600 00:44:02,739 --> 00:44:04,740 - So far. - Yes, I'm right? 601 00:44:04,950 --> 00:44:06,283 - Right. - I knew it. 602 00:44:06,451 --> 00:44:08,494 You get on a bus, and before you know it... 603 00:44:08,662 --> 00:44:11,622 you're stuck in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. 604 00:44:11,790 --> 00:44:13,832 - Correct again? - Again. 605 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,460 Where are you staying? 606 00:44:16,836 --> 00:44:18,128 The Holiday Inn. 607 00:44:18,296 --> 00:44:21,799 Whoa. Yes, yes, the Holiday Inn, that's exactly right. 608 00:44:21,967 --> 00:44:25,344 See? I'm psychic. I mean, not completely, but pretty much. 609 00:44:25,512 --> 00:44:29,098 - Pretty good, huh? - No, it was amazing. 610 00:44:29,266 --> 00:44:30,641 Yeah, I know. Thanks. 611 00:44:30,809 --> 00:44:32,768 Anyhow, I'm gonna predict a bus for you. 612 00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:34,687 - You go down here... - Do you own a car? 613 00:44:34,854 --> 00:44:37,606 Oh, no, sweetie. Rule number one in North America: 614 00:44:37,774 --> 00:44:39,441 No strangers in the car. 615 00:44:39,609 --> 00:44:42,736 Well, if it'll make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. 616 00:44:43,238 --> 00:44:44,280 Oh. 617 00:44:44,447 --> 00:44:47,783 Well, that changes everything. Get away from me. 618 00:44:47,993 --> 00:44:49,994 Oh, no. I'm sorry, I said something wrong. 619 00:44:50,161 --> 00:44:51,328 Please forgive me. 620 00:44:51,496 --> 00:44:53,455 - Get away from me. - I'll make you a deal. 621 00:44:53,623 --> 00:44:56,750 I will give you a Rogers Hornsby if you take me to the hotel. 622 00:44:59,296 --> 00:45:00,629 Rogers Hornsby? 623 00:45:01,214 --> 00:45:03,507 He's yours. I was holding him back. 624 00:45:03,717 --> 00:45:07,970 - Rogers Hornsby's worth like $4000. - So what? I got two of them. 625 00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:13,309 And this many Larry "Yogi" Berras and... And, uh... 626 00:45:13,518 --> 00:45:16,895 So for $4000, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel? 627 00:45:17,063 --> 00:45:18,647 - Uh-huh. Yes. - That's it? 628 00:45:18,815 --> 00:45:20,858 I don't have to take a physical on your spaceship? 629 00:45:21,026 --> 00:45:23,736 No, ma'am. What? 630 00:45:31,036 --> 00:45:33,704 So, Mr. Andretti, your first time on the freeway? 631 00:45:33,913 --> 00:45:35,914 It's Webber. Adam Webber. 632 00:45:36,082 --> 00:45:38,917 Mind if I change the station? Better traffic reports on a.m. 633 00:45:39,085 --> 00:45:40,544 Sure. 634 00:45:40,712 --> 00:45:43,005 - Wait. - What? What is it? 635 00:45:43,173 --> 00:45:45,174 Go back. You had him, it's Perry. 636 00:45:45,717 --> 00:45:47,843 - Perry? - Perry Como. 637 00:45:48,011 --> 00:45:50,721 Go back, you had him. Go back, go back. 638 00:45:50,930 --> 00:45:54,266 - Back, back. - Okay, okay. 639 00:45:54,434 --> 00:45:56,977 - That's it. - There. 640 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,609 I could die right now. 641 00:46:03,860 --> 00:46:07,112 - Over this? - Yeah. 642 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,949 ♪ Happy sound ♪ ♪ As it goes along the ground ♪ 643 00:46:11,117 --> 00:46:12,785 Listen to this part. 644 00:46:12,952 --> 00:46:16,121 This is where it really takes off. Wait for it. 645 00:46:16,331 --> 00:46:17,873 There. 646 00:46:18,041 --> 00:46:20,250 ♪ You'll hold her round, round, round ♪ 647 00:46:20,418 --> 00:46:23,462 You are one scary son of a gun. 648 00:46:24,798 --> 00:46:28,425 ♪ And your head ♪ ♪ Goes spinning round, round, round ♪ 649 00:46:28,593 --> 00:46:31,553 ♪ 'Cause you found ♪ ♪ What you've been dreamin' of ♪ 650 00:46:36,976 --> 00:46:38,352 You better slow down. 651 00:46:38,561 --> 00:46:41,105 I can't help it. Perry Como always does this to me. 652 00:46:41,272 --> 00:46:43,857 I just get so cranked. 653 00:46:44,818 --> 00:46:48,445 ♪ Makes a girl and boy wanna say ♪ 654 00:46:48,613 --> 00:46:50,698 ♪ - Find the ring ♪ ♪ - Find the ring ♪ 655 00:46:50,865 --> 00:46:52,950 ♪ And put it round, round, round ♪ 656 00:46:56,496 --> 00:47:00,332 - Card, please, end of service. - That was wonderful. 657 00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:03,001 I've never felt anything like that before in my life. 658 00:47:03,169 --> 00:47:05,921 Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase. 659 00:47:07,424 --> 00:47:08,841 - Right. - You know, Eve... 660 00:47:14,305 --> 00:47:15,806 Hello. 661 00:47:15,974 --> 00:47:18,308 - Hi. - I would like to stay at this hotel. 662 00:47:18,518 --> 00:47:21,270 Fill this out, please, and I'll need to see a card. 663 00:47:22,647 --> 00:47:25,357 - A card? - Yes, sir. 664 00:47:25,984 --> 00:47:28,986 Oh, of course. 665 00:47:35,910 --> 00:47:38,704 Okay, then. Ugh. 666 00:47:38,872 --> 00:47:42,624 Bathroom's there, TV's there, remote is on top. 667 00:47:42,792 --> 00:47:45,419 Room-service menu on the table. 668 00:47:46,421 --> 00:47:48,130 Wow. 669 00:47:58,892 --> 00:48:00,642 Oh, you, uh, dial nine to get out. 670 00:48:02,562 --> 00:48:03,687 Of what? 671 00:48:05,356 --> 00:48:06,815 The hotel. 672 00:48:08,526 --> 00:48:10,152 I see. 673 00:48:12,489 --> 00:48:15,073 Well, thank you. You've been very, very helpful. 674 00:48:15,241 --> 00:48:17,409 I managed to get some change downstairs... 675 00:48:17,577 --> 00:48:20,245 and my father taught me in situations such as this... 676 00:48:20,413 --> 00:48:22,706 it's customary to give a tip. 677 00:48:22,874 --> 00:48:27,461 - Well, your father's a smart guy. - My father's a genius. 678 00:48:29,464 --> 00:48:30,589 Okay. 679 00:48:30,757 --> 00:48:34,092 All right, well, uh, here's your key, and good night, sir. 680 00:48:34,260 --> 00:48:35,928 Thank you. Good night, sleep tight. 681 00:48:36,095 --> 00:48:39,097 Don't let the bedbugs bite. That's what my mom always says. 682 00:48:39,265 --> 00:48:42,059 Who I'm really beginning to miss, by the way. 683 00:48:42,477 --> 00:48:45,521 I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home. 684 00:48:46,856 --> 00:48:47,940 How old are you? 685 00:48:49,108 --> 00:48:50,859 Thirty-five. 686 00:48:51,444 --> 00:48:54,404 - You don't look 35. - How old do I look? 687 00:48:54,572 --> 00:48:58,700 - Oh, 25, around there. - Hmm. 688 00:48:58,993 --> 00:49:02,037 I guess living up here makes people look older. 689 00:49:02,705 --> 00:49:04,540 Up here on the 18th floor? 690 00:49:05,542 --> 00:49:09,294 Yes, up here on the 18th floor. Good night. 691 00:49:22,809 --> 00:49:24,226 Yes, you're absolutely right. 692 00:49:24,394 --> 00:49:26,311 What in the hell am I doing here? 693 00:49:26,479 --> 00:49:29,815 That's what I'd like to know. Somebody tell me that. 694 00:49:30,525 --> 00:49:37,030 Natural oils, tropical fruits, flora, nuts, and protective sunscreens. 695 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:39,992 A complete sun-care line created by one man... 696 00:49:42,328 --> 00:49:44,454 for one reason... 697 00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:48,333 Yes? 698 00:49:48,501 --> 00:49:51,003 Hi. This is the woman from the baseball card store. 699 00:49:51,170 --> 00:49:53,255 - Remember me? - Oh, yes. 700 00:49:53,423 --> 00:49:57,593 Hi. Hello. Hot diggity dog. 701 00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,595 Thanks for calling me on the telephone. 702 00:50:06,519 --> 00:50:09,855 Ha. I'm so glad to see you. I thought I'd never see you again. 703 00:50:10,064 --> 00:50:11,690 Yeah, okay, okay. Down, boy. 704 00:50:11,858 --> 00:50:14,860 Listen, I can't take this for driving you home. 705 00:50:15,028 --> 00:50:16,570 I wish I could, but I can't. 706 00:50:16,738 --> 00:50:18,697 - So here, take it back. - Uh-uh. 707 00:50:19,365 --> 00:50:22,117 I would've left it at the front desk, but it's valuable. 708 00:50:22,327 --> 00:50:24,703 - I can't take that, it's yours. - Take it, damn it. 709 00:50:24,871 --> 00:50:26,163 Okay. 710 00:50:26,372 --> 00:50:29,833 - Why are you doing that? - Because I haven't brushed yet. 711 00:50:31,210 --> 00:50:35,047 Oh, okay. Well, so long. Enjoy your visit. 712 00:50:35,214 --> 00:50:39,635 - Wait. Eve, please wait. - Please, do not follow me. Don't do it. 713 00:50:39,802 --> 00:50:42,387 Oh, I knew this would happen. You're like a lost puppy. 714 00:50:42,597 --> 00:50:44,348 Can't you talk to me for one second? 715 00:50:44,515 --> 00:50:47,684 - Just one little second, please? - Okay. 716 00:50:47,852 --> 00:50:50,062 Damn. I should've taken the money and run. 717 00:50:50,229 --> 00:50:53,607 That's what Troy told me to do, but did I listen? No. 718 00:50:53,816 --> 00:50:55,192 Will you put your hand down? 719 00:50:56,819 --> 00:50:59,488 Who's Troy? Is he your husband? 720 00:50:59,697 --> 00:51:01,990 - Or a boyfriend? - No. 721 00:51:02,617 --> 00:51:06,578 - Thank you! - Stop that, don't do that. 722 00:51:06,746 --> 00:51:10,374 Listen, I know you like me, okay? I can tell. 723 00:51:10,541 --> 00:51:13,585 But you know what? A lot of guys like me. 724 00:51:13,753 --> 00:51:14,920 Not me exactly. 725 00:51:15,088 --> 00:51:18,507 More like my legs, my butt or my hair or some combination of the above. 726 00:51:18,675 --> 00:51:20,092 I think it's the eyes. 727 00:51:20,885 --> 00:51:22,386 The eyes? 728 00:51:22,553 --> 00:51:25,764 Great, an eye man. Anyhow, it never works out, okay? 729 00:51:25,932 --> 00:51:27,933 Not that you even need to know that. 730 00:51:28,101 --> 00:51:30,686 You look like crap. What have you been doing? 731 00:51:30,853 --> 00:51:33,563 Watching television in color. 732 00:51:34,941 --> 00:51:36,900 In color? No kidding. 733 00:51:37,068 --> 00:51:41,863 - Mm-hm. Cross my heart, hope to die. - Yeah. See you. 734 00:51:42,031 --> 00:51:44,408 - Why doesn't it ever work out? - What? 735 00:51:44,575 --> 00:51:46,576 Why doesn't it ever work out, you and men? 736 00:51:46,744 --> 00:51:49,287 Why? Who the hell knows? 737 00:51:49,455 --> 00:51:51,957 If you promise to leave me alone, I'll tell you why. 738 00:51:52,166 --> 00:51:53,250 Okay. 739 00:51:53,418 --> 00:51:57,796 It never works out because I am into legs and hair and butts myself, that's why. 740 00:51:57,964 --> 00:52:00,090 I wind up with guys who are good-looking... 741 00:52:00,258 --> 00:52:03,135 but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. 742 00:52:03,302 --> 00:52:05,887 Excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying job... 743 00:52:06,055 --> 00:52:09,558 where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage is. 744 00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:11,601 - Why not go to work for me? - Doing what? 745 00:52:11,769 --> 00:52:13,729 Helping me sell all my baseball cards... 746 00:52:13,896 --> 00:52:16,898 and buying enough food and supplies to fill several trucks. 747 00:52:17,066 --> 00:52:19,776 Food and supplies? Who for, like, starving people? 748 00:52:19,944 --> 00:52:23,447 Oh, well, they're not starving yet, but they do need help. 749 00:52:23,656 --> 00:52:26,992 - Well, how long would you need me for? - Two weeks. 750 00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,411 - What's the pay? - What's fair? 751 00:52:29,620 --> 00:52:32,789 Well, I gotta make at least a thousand dollars a week. 752 00:52:38,296 --> 00:52:39,588 You got it. 753 00:52:39,756 --> 00:52:42,007 - Wait here while I get changed. - Sure. 754 00:52:45,428 --> 00:52:46,928 Sure. 755 00:52:53,019 --> 00:52:54,811 There you go. 756 00:52:55,021 --> 00:52:59,775 Why would someone need 26 yacht batteries? 757 00:52:59,942 --> 00:53:02,360 I don't know, I just work for the guy. 758 00:53:02,528 --> 00:53:04,863 And who does he work for, the CIA? 759 00:53:05,031 --> 00:53:07,282 Pipe tobacco. Ha-ha-ha. 760 00:53:07,950 --> 00:53:09,618 I'm gonna need all of this. 761 00:53:12,371 --> 00:53:14,206 Toilet paper. 762 00:53:16,375 --> 00:53:18,335 Is there a sale? 763 00:53:33,768 --> 00:53:37,062 Well, another day, another dollar. 764 00:53:43,152 --> 00:53:46,154 - Will you stop staring at me? - Sorry. 765 00:53:46,656 --> 00:53:49,741 - I'll pick you up at 8 in the morning. - Oh. 766 00:53:52,411 --> 00:53:55,580 - You know, Eve, I was thinking... - Night. 767 00:53:55,915 --> 00:53:57,666 Night. 768 00:54:15,309 --> 00:54:18,770 We'll need to rent a refrigerated truck for the beef and poultry. 769 00:54:18,938 --> 00:54:23,233 Well, it's your life. And by the way, it's a dandy. 770 00:54:25,778 --> 00:54:28,238 Think we're also gonna have to get another locker. 771 00:54:28,406 --> 00:54:31,283 It's no problem. We'll just sell another baseball card. 772 00:54:33,077 --> 00:54:35,620 - Coming down. - Okay. 773 00:54:39,292 --> 00:54:42,502 Ah, whoo. Ha-ha-ha. 774 00:54:44,630 --> 00:54:46,131 You know, Eve... 775 00:54:46,299 --> 00:54:48,884 And don't get mad, okay? 776 00:54:49,594 --> 00:54:52,637 But I would just be lost without you. 777 00:54:55,892 --> 00:54:57,225 Thanks. 778 00:54:58,311 --> 00:55:00,937 Ha-ha-ha. And I guess, uh... 779 00:55:01,606 --> 00:55:03,273 I guess that... 780 00:55:03,441 --> 00:55:06,568 - I think that you and I... - Adam, don't even think about it, okay? 781 00:55:06,736 --> 00:55:08,862 I'm sorry, I know that sounds mean... 782 00:55:09,071 --> 00:55:11,865 but believe me, it'd be a lot meaner if I didn't say it, okay? 783 00:55:12,033 --> 00:55:13,158 - Mm-hm. - Okay? 784 00:55:13,326 --> 00:55:15,076 - Okay. - Let's take this truck back... 785 00:55:15,244 --> 00:55:16,912 and I'm hungry. 786 00:55:20,124 --> 00:55:21,249 Are you getting in? 787 00:55:26,505 --> 00:55:28,465 There's something else I'd like help with. 788 00:55:28,633 --> 00:55:29,674 Name it. 789 00:55:29,884 --> 00:55:32,510 I'm afraid this is gonna sound a little bit crazy. 790 00:55:32,678 --> 00:55:35,639 - Heh. I'm sure it will. - Then forget it. 791 00:55:35,848 --> 00:55:38,308 No, no. I'm sorry. 792 00:55:38,476 --> 00:55:39,601 What is it? 793 00:55:41,020 --> 00:55:44,689 Eve, I want you to help me find a wife. 794 00:55:44,941 --> 00:55:47,025 - A wife? - Yes. 795 00:55:47,193 --> 00:55:50,445 - What for? - Because I want to get married. 796 00:55:50,613 --> 00:55:52,030 Why? 797 00:55:52,198 --> 00:55:53,823 Because I don't want to be alone. 798 00:55:53,991 --> 00:55:58,370 Well, you can be single and not alone. Marriage bites. 799 00:55:58,537 --> 00:56:00,538 - Bites what? - The big one. 800 00:56:00,706 --> 00:56:03,291 - It does? - Sure. 801 00:56:03,459 --> 00:56:06,836 - Oh, I didn't know that. - Everybody knows that. 802 00:56:07,004 --> 00:56:11,049 Ask my divorced brothers or my divorced mom and dad. 803 00:56:11,550 --> 00:56:13,176 Everybody knows that. 804 00:56:13,386 --> 00:56:16,638 - They're all divorced? - Everybody's divorced. 805 00:56:18,432 --> 00:56:19,766 Wow. 806 00:56:21,352 --> 00:56:24,229 - What kind of wife you looking for? - Hmm? Oh, um... 807 00:56:24,397 --> 00:56:27,649 Well, one who's not a mutant. 808 00:56:27,817 --> 00:56:31,486 Heh. No dogs, huh? Okay, cool. 809 00:56:32,822 --> 00:56:34,072 And if it's possible... 810 00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:36,741 I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena. 811 00:56:42,206 --> 00:56:44,708 Um, when do you need her by? 812 00:56:46,585 --> 00:56:47,711 Two weeks? 813 00:56:48,421 --> 00:56:50,463 I can probably get you laid in two weeks... 814 00:56:50,673 --> 00:56:56,553 but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena could take some time. 815 00:56:57,179 --> 00:56:59,472 That's what I was afraid of. 816 00:57:04,729 --> 00:57:07,188 What do you mean, you can get me laid? 817 00:57:09,567 --> 00:57:12,193 - Uh, can we talk about that a little later? - Of course. 818 00:57:12,361 --> 00:57:13,695 Great. 819 00:57:15,573 --> 00:57:18,033 Lord, bless this food we are about to receive... 820 00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,244 and make us ever mindful of the needs of others. 821 00:57:21,454 --> 00:57:23,788 And bless my mom and bless my dad... 822 00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,124 and bless my new friend Eve. 823 00:57:26,292 --> 00:57:27,959 Amen. 824 00:57:28,127 --> 00:57:30,045 Amen. 825 00:57:38,012 --> 00:57:39,804 - Get out. - The engine is still running. 826 00:57:40,014 --> 00:57:41,639 Now. Get out. 827 00:57:41,807 --> 00:57:43,475 - Yes, ma'am. - Stop the "ma'am" crap. 828 00:57:43,642 --> 00:57:45,143 I'm sorry. 829 00:57:45,770 --> 00:57:47,312 You almost got us killed. 830 00:57:47,563 --> 00:57:50,815 - I told you, I've never driven before. - Well, never drive again. 831 00:57:51,067 --> 00:57:55,278 - You said it would be easy. - Well, I was wrong. 832 00:57:55,446 --> 00:57:57,489 - Say, is this your house? - Yes. 833 00:57:57,656 --> 00:58:00,617 - I like it. - What are you bitching about now? 834 00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:04,329 - What are you doing here? - I forgot some of my stuff. 835 00:58:04,538 --> 00:58:06,081 - Your stuff? - Yeah. 836 00:58:06,248 --> 00:58:08,166 Let me see that. 837 00:58:08,334 --> 00:58:10,168 Oh, you came back for your underwear. 838 00:58:10,336 --> 00:58:13,421 Excuse me, these are Ralph Laurens. 839 00:58:13,589 --> 00:58:15,632 How did you get in? 840 00:58:16,258 --> 00:58:18,009 Thanks. 841 00:58:18,177 --> 00:58:20,762 And who's this interesting-looking fellow? 842 00:58:20,971 --> 00:58:24,808 - This is Adam. Adam, this is Cliff. - How do you do? 843 00:58:24,975 --> 00:58:26,768 I do fine, Adam. 844 00:58:26,977 --> 00:58:30,814 How about yourself? You, uh, doing any good lately? 845 00:58:31,023 --> 00:58:33,024 Go home, Cliff, wherever that might be. 846 00:58:33,192 --> 00:58:34,943 Sheena Gilroy's apartment. 847 00:58:35,111 --> 00:58:38,446 You remember her. She's the, uh, model who went to Harvard. 848 00:58:39,573 --> 00:58:40,615 Hmm. 849 00:58:40,783 --> 00:58:43,952 Well, I'd better be going. Bye, Adam. 850 00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:45,829 - Nice coat. - Thank you, Cliff. 851 00:58:45,996 --> 00:58:50,041 - It was very nice to meet you. - That's a nice parking job too. 852 00:58:50,209 --> 00:58:52,710 - May I ask you a question? - He's a former boyfriend. 853 00:58:52,878 --> 00:58:56,798 We lived together for about six months, and I still have sort of a thing for him. 854 00:58:56,966 --> 00:58:58,883 That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? 855 00:58:59,093 --> 00:59:00,552 No, I was gonna ask you... 856 00:59:00,719 --> 00:59:03,388 why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants. 857 00:59:03,597 --> 00:59:04,722 What? 858 00:59:13,190 --> 00:59:15,275 Rhinoceros 859 00:59:17,403 --> 00:59:18,987 Rhinoceros 860 00:59:19,155 --> 00:59:22,157 This guy is unbelievable. 861 00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,366 I knew you'd like him. 862 00:59:23,534 --> 00:59:25,910 I know. It's like he's from X-Files or something. 863 00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,746 He's got all these easily negotiable properties, right? 864 00:59:28,914 --> 00:59:30,748 He's obviously setting up something big. 865 00:59:30,916 --> 00:59:33,251 Maybe a self-sustaining island off South America. 866 00:59:33,419 --> 00:59:38,047 Maybe he's the leader of some cult into practices involving poultry and tobacco. 867 00:59:39,508 --> 00:59:42,469 You just wake up 868 00:59:43,637 --> 00:59:44,679 Rhinoceros 869 00:59:44,847 --> 00:59:48,433 - You have very nice ceilings. - Do I? 870 00:59:49,101 --> 00:59:52,896 Well, you like ceilings? 871 00:59:53,063 --> 00:59:55,023 Not particularly. 872 00:59:55,608 --> 00:59:59,736 Ah. Well, I hope you like this. It's sea urchin wrapped in seaweed, or nori. 873 00:59:59,904 --> 01:00:00,945 I love sushi. 874 01:00:01,780 --> 01:00:05,783 - I love Lucy. - Who doesn't? She's hilarious. 875 01:00:06,410 --> 01:00:10,163 - Here you go, one champagne cocktail. - Oh, thank you. 876 01:00:10,372 --> 01:00:12,415 I thought only hookers drank those things. 877 01:00:12,625 --> 01:00:14,792 Well, I know Mom sure likes them. 878 01:00:19,298 --> 01:00:21,841 Well, dinner's in 15. Why don't we sit down and chat? 879 01:00:22,009 --> 01:00:23,343 Mm-hm. 880 01:00:23,511 --> 01:00:27,764 - So, Troy, what do you do for a living? - Oh, I design websites. 881 01:00:27,932 --> 01:00:29,516 Mm. 882 01:00:29,683 --> 01:00:31,559 And, Adam... 883 01:00:31,727 --> 01:00:33,311 where on earth are you from? 884 01:00:33,479 --> 01:00:36,981 - Out of town. That's all he'll say. - Mm-hm. It's a very small place. 885 01:00:37,233 --> 01:00:40,818 - People don't even know it's there. - And it's called? 886 01:00:41,070 --> 01:00:43,154 Maybe Eve can guess. 887 01:00:43,322 --> 01:00:45,490 - She's psychic. - Is she? 888 01:00:45,991 --> 01:00:49,786 - Since when? - Since I got rear-ended in Palm Springs. 889 01:00:49,995 --> 01:00:53,498 Well, then, Miss Dionne Warwick, tell us what town he's from. 890 01:00:53,707 --> 01:00:55,917 All right. Give me your hand. 891 01:00:57,336 --> 01:00:59,504 Oh, Lord. 892 01:00:59,672 --> 01:01:01,256 Okay. 893 01:01:01,423 --> 01:01:02,840 I'm not promising anything. 894 01:01:05,469 --> 01:01:07,720 - Are you okay? - Hmm? Mm. 895 01:01:11,350 --> 01:01:13,434 I see snow. 896 01:01:14,603 --> 01:01:16,729 Lots of snow. 897 01:01:16,939 --> 01:01:18,815 Way up north. 898 01:01:18,983 --> 01:01:20,608 Are we getting hot? 899 01:01:21,485 --> 01:01:23,194 Yes. 900 01:01:25,322 --> 01:01:27,198 You live in Alaska... 901 01:01:27,366 --> 01:01:30,326 and the only way in and out of your place is by plane. 902 01:01:31,370 --> 01:01:34,330 And, uh, you definitely came here for food and supplies... 903 01:01:34,498 --> 01:01:36,624 and to find a wife. 904 01:01:37,042 --> 01:01:38,543 Wow. 905 01:01:39,545 --> 01:01:42,755 - That was right? - Got goose bumps all over me. 906 01:01:42,965 --> 01:01:44,549 I'm clairvoyant, butthead. 907 01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:48,303 Well, why wouldn't you just go to Nome to get supplies and a wife? 908 01:01:48,470 --> 01:01:50,555 - Isn't that a lot closer? - Yeah, right. 909 01:01:50,764 --> 01:01:54,309 That's where you'd go to find girls. Nome. 910 01:01:54,476 --> 01:01:56,227 He's gay, by the way. 911 01:01:57,354 --> 01:01:59,188 Well, good for you. 912 01:02:00,399 --> 01:02:02,483 Well, we try. 913 01:02:02,651 --> 01:02:04,152 Can I ask you some questions? 914 01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:05,653 Hmm? 915 01:02:05,821 --> 01:02:09,198 - When did Alaska become a state? - 1959. 916 01:02:09,408 --> 01:02:11,743 Okay, and, uh, who owned it before we did? 917 01:02:12,244 --> 01:02:14,704 - Russia. - And when did we get it from them? 918 01:02:14,913 --> 01:02:16,581 1867, Seward's Folly. 919 01:02:16,790 --> 01:02:21,044 We purchased it for $7.2 million, a tidy sum then as well as now. 920 01:02:21,211 --> 01:02:23,296 I'm quoting my father, of course. 921 01:02:23,505 --> 01:02:26,090 - All right, what's the state capital? - Juneau. 922 01:02:26,300 --> 01:02:28,718 Hello? It's Anchorage. Gotcha. 923 01:02:28,927 --> 01:02:31,888 Mm-mm. Sorry, that's the largest city. 924 01:02:38,604 --> 01:02:39,937 Where's he going? 925 01:02:40,105 --> 01:02:42,940 He's going to check your answers on his computer. 926 01:02:43,108 --> 01:02:44,609 He has a computer? 927 01:02:44,860 --> 01:02:46,778 - Sure. - In the house? 928 01:02:47,196 --> 01:02:48,946 No, actually, it's in the back yard. 929 01:02:49,114 --> 01:02:52,617 - Of course it's in the house. It's in there. - May I be excused, please? 930 01:02:52,785 --> 01:02:55,411 - Yeah. - Thank you. 931 01:03:43,544 --> 01:03:45,002 Aah! 932 01:03:45,796 --> 01:03:47,380 Who are you? 933 01:03:48,674 --> 01:03:52,009 - I'm the mother. - It's the mother. 934 01:03:52,177 --> 01:03:54,637 It's the mother. The mother. 935 01:03:54,805 --> 01:04:00,184 The mother, the mother, the mother. 936 01:04:00,436 --> 01:04:02,937 It's the mother. 937 01:04:09,778 --> 01:04:13,281 Troy, I suppose those tall buildings we saw this morning are new? 938 01:04:13,449 --> 01:04:15,700 Yeah. Almost all of them, anyway. 939 01:04:15,909 --> 01:04:19,203 - Recovery's impressive. - Recovery? Oh, yeah. 940 01:04:19,413 --> 01:04:22,290 Well, you know, they rebuilt the freeway in only six months. 941 01:04:22,458 --> 01:04:24,041 - Really? - Uh-huh. 942 01:04:24,209 --> 01:04:26,210 That's amazing. I'm very impressed. 943 01:04:26,378 --> 01:04:28,713 - Oh, it was impressive. - Are you sure I look okay? 944 01:04:28,922 --> 01:04:31,716 - Oh, trust me, you look fabulous. - Well, thank you, Troy. 945 01:04:33,510 --> 01:04:36,053 - Hey. - Hey. 946 01:04:37,931 --> 01:04:40,224 So, what do you think? 947 01:04:41,393 --> 01:04:43,186 - It works. - Mm-hm. I should show you... 948 01:04:43,353 --> 01:04:44,729 the entire trousseau. 949 01:04:44,897 --> 01:04:46,856 Shirts, sweaters, socks, the whole thing. 950 01:04:47,024 --> 01:04:49,233 No. First let's show her these. 951 01:04:50,402 --> 01:04:52,862 Huh? Eve, can I skate around your block? 952 01:04:54,782 --> 01:04:58,326 How about it, Eve? Can he skate around your block? 953 01:04:59,077 --> 01:05:00,244 No. 954 01:05:00,704 --> 01:05:04,707 - Just a few laps. - It won't take long. 955 01:05:04,875 --> 01:05:06,709 Ha, ha. No. 956 01:05:23,268 --> 01:05:24,769 Look. 957 01:05:35,572 --> 01:05:37,532 Adam, will you go skate on the bike path? 958 01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:40,910 - Where? - The bike path. It's over there. 959 01:05:43,205 --> 01:05:44,997 God, I wish I could wear those pants. 960 01:06:06,895 --> 01:06:08,479 Hi. 961 01:06:58,196 --> 01:07:01,073 Yeah! Ha, ha! 962 01:07:04,161 --> 01:07:07,204 Yeah! 963 01:07:15,255 --> 01:07:17,173 Y.M.C.A. 964 01:07:17,341 --> 01:07:22,011 It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. 965 01:07:22,179 --> 01:07:25,848 They have everything For you men to enjoy 966 01:07:26,016 --> 01:07:28,476 You can hang out with all the boys 967 01:07:28,644 --> 01:07:32,274 Its fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. 968 01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:35,942 Its fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. 969 01:07:37,402 --> 01:07:40,780 You can get yourself clean You can have a good meal 970 01:07:40,948 --> 01:07:44,408 You can do whatever you feel 971 01:07:44,576 --> 01:07:46,410 All right, girl, hit that ball. 972 01:07:56,755 --> 01:08:00,424 I get it. I finally get it. 973 01:08:00,592 --> 01:08:03,344 You have to see it to understand it. 974 01:08:05,263 --> 01:08:08,140 Because he must. 975 01:08:17,943 --> 01:08:19,568 Haven't you heard the saying: 976 01:08:19,736 --> 01:08:22,571 "He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain"? 977 01:08:22,739 --> 01:08:23,864 Yep. 978 01:08:24,032 --> 01:08:28,786 You know, my father, who is a scientist... 979 01:08:28,954 --> 01:08:31,455 says that everything is a miracle. 980 01:08:31,665 --> 01:08:33,582 - Yeah? - Everything. 981 01:08:33,750 --> 01:08:36,961 Until recently, I wasn't sure what he meant by that. 982 01:08:37,129 --> 01:08:40,464 No kidding. Listen, uh, you still wanna go girl hunting tonight? 983 01:08:40,674 --> 01:08:44,301 - Oh, yes, I certainly do. - Okay. 984 01:08:44,469 --> 01:08:47,304 But, you know, this whole business of finding you a wife... 985 01:08:47,472 --> 01:08:48,723 it's pretty ridiculous. 986 01:08:48,890 --> 01:08:51,809 - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. 987 01:08:51,977 --> 01:08:53,978 A girlfriend, maybe, but a wife, it's... 988 01:08:54,187 --> 01:08:56,939 Well, then help me find a girlfriend. That's all I ask. 989 01:08:57,107 --> 01:08:59,984 I'll tell you what. I'll give you every single card I've got. 990 01:09:00,193 --> 01:09:02,903 Screw you. You think I'm just somebody you can buy off? 991 01:09:03,071 --> 01:09:06,490 Oh, no, Eve, I didn't mean that at all. Eve, you're my best friend. 992 01:09:06,700 --> 01:09:10,161 Would you do it because you're my very best friend? 993 01:09:12,831 --> 01:09:14,665 Yeah, okay. 994 01:09:19,004 --> 01:09:20,838 Thank you, Eve. 995 01:09:28,847 --> 01:09:31,766 Well, why did we park way back there? 996 01:09:32,350 --> 01:09:36,187 Miss Rustokov does not allow total strangers to drive her car. 997 01:09:38,023 --> 01:09:39,857 - What? - Ladies first, Troy. 998 01:09:40,025 --> 01:09:42,359 - That was close. - Uh-huh. 999 01:09:42,778 --> 01:09:46,155 My goodness gracious, this place is something. 1000 01:09:46,323 --> 01:09:49,658 - Look unimpressed. - Yeah, bored, even. 1001 01:09:50,869 --> 01:09:53,370 Try vaguely bored. 1002 01:09:53,538 --> 01:09:56,624 Unimpressed but still interested. 1003 01:09:58,126 --> 01:09:59,543 - Not crazy. - Do I look crazy? 1004 01:09:59,711 --> 01:10:03,672 - Yes. - Just, uh, be loose. 1005 01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:05,549 - Yeah. - Just be yourself. 1006 01:10:05,717 --> 01:10:07,218 Yeah, that's always good advice. 1007 01:10:07,385 --> 01:10:10,179 Well, for him. It doesn't work for the rest of us. 1008 01:10:13,391 --> 01:10:16,644 Of all the clubs in all the towns in all the world... 1009 01:10:16,812 --> 01:10:18,354 you walk into mine. 1010 01:10:18,563 --> 01:10:22,650 So welcome to Club 40's, where the party never stops. 1011 01:10:22,818 --> 01:10:25,402 Jason, Jonathan, this is Adam. Adam, that's them. 1012 01:10:25,570 --> 01:10:26,737 Hi, how do you do? 1013 01:10:26,905 --> 01:10:30,366 It's very nice to meet you, Jason and Jonathan. 1014 01:10:30,534 --> 01:10:33,327 My mother said when you meet someone for the first time... 1015 01:10:33,495 --> 01:10:35,412 it's easier to remember their names... 1016 01:10:35,580 --> 01:10:39,416 if you use those names right away, Jason and Jonathan. 1017 01:10:39,918 --> 01:10:41,544 He's from Alaska. 1018 01:10:42,254 --> 01:10:43,754 Oh. 1019 01:10:44,548 --> 01:10:47,258 Hi there, Eve. Who's the hunk? 1020 01:10:47,425 --> 01:10:50,177 - Get lost, Sophie. - Hi, I'm Sophie. 1021 01:10:50,387 --> 01:10:52,054 Hi, how do you do? I'm Adam Webber. 1022 01:10:52,222 --> 01:10:54,640 - Adam lives in Alaska. - No shit? 1023 01:10:58,770 --> 01:11:00,646 Oh, you speak beautiful French. 1024 01:11:17,831 --> 01:11:19,832 Adam. Adam. 1025 01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:21,292 Yeah? Oh, um... 1026 01:11:24,462 --> 01:11:26,422 Quit showing off. We're here on business. 1027 01:11:26,590 --> 01:11:29,091 - I thought we were here to meet women. - Not that one. 1028 01:11:29,259 --> 01:11:30,301 I like her. 1029 01:11:30,468 --> 01:11:32,595 Tell me, Sophie, when you fly to Paris... 1030 01:11:32,762 --> 01:11:35,764 do you check these, or are they carry-on? 1031 01:11:35,932 --> 01:11:38,434 - They're carry-on. - Ah. 1032 01:11:39,853 --> 01:11:41,437 Excuse me. 1033 01:11:41,605 --> 01:11:43,898 But there's nothin' up my sleeve 1034 01:11:44,065 --> 01:11:47,735 But a place to play Where the people all swing around 1035 01:11:47,903 --> 01:11:49,612 What are you drinking? 1036 01:11:49,779 --> 01:11:52,990 Oh, this is a Rob Roy. It's a very popular drink, I'm told. 1037 01:11:55,660 --> 01:11:57,745 How about her? 1038 01:11:57,913 --> 01:12:00,289 - No way. - No way? 1039 01:12:00,498 --> 01:12:02,833 Why not? I think she's very attractive. 1040 01:12:03,001 --> 01:12:06,170 Adam, she's got "bitch" written all over her. 1041 01:12:06,421 --> 01:12:09,173 You do know what "bitch" means, don't you? 1042 01:12:09,382 --> 01:12:11,342 Well, yes, I do. I do have a dictionary. 1043 01:12:11,509 --> 01:12:15,304 But I can't understand for the life of me why you would say that about her... 1044 01:12:15,513 --> 01:12:18,182 or why Cliff would say that about you. 1045 01:12:20,018 --> 01:12:26,023 Okay, uh, Adam, I think for you, we should aim for sweet. 1046 01:12:26,775 --> 01:12:28,359 Okay. I like that. 1047 01:12:28,526 --> 01:12:31,362 Yeah, sweet. That's a lovely way of putting it. 1048 01:12:33,448 --> 01:12:36,533 There's Miss Sweet, over there by the hors d'oeuvre table, look. 1049 01:12:36,701 --> 01:12:39,036 Oh, yeah, yeah. Could be. 1050 01:12:39,204 --> 01:12:43,165 Yeah, go on, Romeo, say hello. She looks like a non-mutant to me. 1051 01:12:43,333 --> 01:12:45,542 Okay. All right. 1052 01:12:45,710 --> 01:12:47,127 What do I say to her? 1053 01:12:47,337 --> 01:12:51,966 Oh, say something surprising, something funny. 1054 01:12:52,133 --> 01:12:53,634 Lie if need be. 1055 01:12:53,843 --> 01:12:55,636 - Lie? - Oh, yeah. 1056 01:12:55,804 --> 01:12:59,223 Lying can be a very effective dating tool. 1057 01:13:01,476 --> 01:13:04,228 Okay. All right. 1058 01:13:04,479 --> 01:13:06,563 Well, here I go. 1059 01:13:09,067 --> 01:13:10,734 I don't think I wanna watch this. 1060 01:13:10,986 --> 01:13:12,653 Surprising and funny. 1061 01:13:12,821 --> 01:13:15,572 Well, I know a duck who bought some lip balm. 1062 01:13:16,199 --> 01:13:17,574 Lie. 1063 01:13:19,744 --> 01:13:21,245 Hi. 1064 01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:24,748 - Yes? - I was wondering if you could help me. 1065 01:13:24,916 --> 01:13:27,084 I, um, seem to have lost... 1066 01:13:27,252 --> 01:13:31,088 my Congressional Medal of Honor around here somewhere. 1067 01:13:31,965 --> 01:13:34,341 Ha, ha. Now, that's a great one. 1068 01:13:37,220 --> 01:13:40,848 - This is my new friend. - Uh, hi. 1069 01:13:41,016 --> 01:13:44,518 - Adam Webber. - Hi, I'm Heather. 1070 01:13:44,686 --> 01:13:45,894 - Heather? - Yeah. 1071 01:13:46,062 --> 01:13:48,772 I don't believe I've ever heard that name before. 1072 01:13:53,528 --> 01:13:54,737 Yeah, do you dance? 1073 01:13:54,904 --> 01:13:57,281 Why, I took a dance lesson every day of my life... 1074 01:13:57,449 --> 01:13:59,241 up until a couple of days ago. 1075 01:13:59,409 --> 01:14:01,201 - You're kidding. - No, no, I did. 1076 01:14:03,079 --> 01:14:04,121 Shall we dance? 1077 01:14:04,289 --> 01:14:05,622 - Sure. - Yeah? 1078 01:14:09,294 --> 01:14:11,628 Wait for me. 1079 01:14:42,994 --> 01:14:45,496 He drives a great big car Smokes a big cigar 1080 01:14:45,663 --> 01:14:48,165 He looks like a king And he acts like a star 1081 01:14:48,333 --> 01:14:50,876 When we see him drive by He goes "toot, toot" 1082 01:14:51,044 --> 01:14:52,836 We all shout Hey, Mr. Zoot Suit 1083 01:14:53,004 --> 01:14:55,756 He's got purple suspenders And a yellow tie 1084 01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:58,801 - Say what? - Come on, boys, I tell you no lie 1085 01:14:58,968 --> 01:15:00,844 Those hats, those funky spats 1086 01:15:01,012 --> 01:15:03,514 He's the hippest hip and the coolest cat 1087 01:15:03,681 --> 01:15:06,058 I tell you no lie This guy can't be beat 1088 01:15:06,226 --> 01:15:08,227 Wherever he goes He turns up the heat 1089 01:15:08,395 --> 01:15:11,105 So when you see him drive by With that big cheroot 1090 01:15:11,272 --> 01:15:14,650 Don't forget to shout Hey, Mr. Zoot Suit! 1091 01:15:37,257 --> 01:15:39,508 I tell you no lie This guy can't be beat 1092 01:15:39,676 --> 01:15:41,885 Wherever he goes He turns up the heat 1093 01:15:42,053 --> 01:15:44,555 So when you see him drive by With that big cheroot 1094 01:15:44,722 --> 01:15:47,641 Don't forget to shout Hey, Mr. Zoot Suit! 1095 01:16:13,960 --> 01:16:15,961 Oh. 1096 01:16:20,216 --> 01:16:24,178 - Is that your girlfriend? - No, no. Will you please excuse me? 1097 01:16:24,387 --> 01:16:27,764 - What are you doing? - You. You go to the bathroom. 1098 01:16:27,932 --> 01:16:30,767 What, right here? Well, I thought I should check. 1099 01:16:30,935 --> 01:16:32,853 - I mean, you're being so bossy. - Go. 1100 01:16:33,062 --> 01:16:35,647 - Thank you both for the dance. - Thank you. 1101 01:16:40,945 --> 01:16:43,614 I have to go to the bathroom. 1102 01:16:44,365 --> 01:16:45,741 Oh. 1103 01:16:46,576 --> 01:16:49,745 - You wanted to see me? - You're not from Alaska. 1104 01:16:49,913 --> 01:16:51,747 Where did you learn to dance like that? 1105 01:16:51,956 --> 01:16:54,458 And there are no starving people, are there? 1106 01:16:54,626 --> 01:16:56,126 Why are you so angry with me? 1107 01:16:56,294 --> 01:16:59,880 - You think I'm some kind of sap, do you? - No, I don't. 1108 01:17:00,048 --> 01:17:01,298 I admire you. 1109 01:17:01,466 --> 01:17:03,884 I fell in love with you the very moment I saw you. 1110 01:17:04,052 --> 01:17:05,969 I want you to stop lying to me. 1111 01:17:07,555 --> 01:17:10,098 All right. I'll tell you everything. 1112 01:17:10,308 --> 01:17:13,602 - In 1962... - Well, well, well. 1113 01:17:13,811 --> 01:17:15,187 Don't we clean up nice? 1114 01:17:16,981 --> 01:17:19,107 Well, hello, Cliff. 1115 01:17:19,317 --> 01:17:22,152 - How are you this evening? - Not bad. 1116 01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:24,905 Though I, uh, do miss that green sport coat of yours. 1117 01:17:25,073 --> 01:17:26,323 Oh, why, thank you, Cliff. 1118 01:17:26,491 --> 01:17:28,492 But that's my seat, and I was just about... 1119 01:17:28,660 --> 01:17:30,327 How about a drink up at the bar? 1120 01:17:38,127 --> 01:17:39,586 Sure. 1121 01:17:39,754 --> 01:17:41,588 Excuse us. 1122 01:17:42,298 --> 01:17:44,007 It's all yours. 1123 01:18:14,372 --> 01:18:16,665 - Please excuse this interruption. - Oh, brother. 1124 01:18:16,833 --> 01:18:19,876 Eve, I don't mean to be rude, and, Cliff, please excuse me... 1125 01:18:20,044 --> 01:18:23,046 but, Eve, isn't Cliff just a butt with hair? 1126 01:18:23,256 --> 01:18:24,715 - What? - I'm sorry. 1127 01:18:24,882 --> 01:18:27,634 And legs. Legs, butt and hair. 1128 01:18:27,844 --> 01:18:29,970 - And shallow as well? - Shallow? 1129 01:18:30,179 --> 01:18:31,888 Adam, why don't you go home? 1130 01:18:32,056 --> 01:18:34,975 - Go back to the hotel. - Yeah, before I kick your ass. 1131 01:18:36,561 --> 01:18:39,187 I must warn you, Cliff, I do know how to defend myself. 1132 01:18:39,355 --> 01:18:40,981 Oh, do you? 1133 01:18:41,983 --> 01:18:43,317 - Agh! - Stop it, you two. 1134 01:18:43,526 --> 01:18:45,193 Nice move, really. 1135 01:18:45,403 --> 01:18:48,363 Yeah, Eve's right. Maybe we shouldn't fight in here. 1136 01:18:48,531 --> 01:18:50,282 I agree. 1137 01:18:51,743 --> 01:18:53,619 - Ugh. - Adam. 1138 01:18:53,786 --> 01:18:56,163 I'm sorry. He was gonna... 1139 01:18:56,831 --> 01:18:58,373 Maybe we shouldn't fight at all. 1140 01:18:58,541 --> 01:19:01,376 I mean, fighting's pretty immature when you think about it. 1141 01:19:01,544 --> 01:19:05,756 - It certainly is. - Eve, I'm leaving. 1142 01:19:05,923 --> 01:19:08,425 - That's probably a good idea. - Eve, I'm sorry. 1143 01:19:08,593 --> 01:19:11,011 - Oh! - Gah. 1144 01:19:12,055 --> 01:19:15,724 Well, good night, everyone. 1145 01:19:17,393 --> 01:19:19,353 - Eve... - I'm leaving too, okay? 1146 01:19:19,562 --> 01:19:20,687 And you know what? 1147 01:19:20,855 --> 01:19:22,939 If you want help, ask Troy, because I quit. 1148 01:19:23,191 --> 01:19:28,111 This is ridiculous. You're ridiculous and I'm ridiculous. 1149 01:19:31,949 --> 01:19:34,701 I'll buy you another Rob Roy, huh, champ? 1150 01:19:35,119 --> 01:19:36,828 Rob Roy for the gentleman. 1151 01:19:43,211 --> 01:19:44,628 Well? 1152 01:19:45,046 --> 01:19:46,630 He go back to the hotel? 1153 01:19:46,881 --> 01:19:50,050 - Um, he might have. - What does that mean? 1154 01:19:50,218 --> 01:19:52,636 That means that we did not leave together. 1155 01:19:52,845 --> 01:19:54,262 Well, who did he leave with? 1156 01:19:54,430 --> 01:19:57,391 - What's that to you? - I'm his pimp. 1157 01:19:57,558 --> 01:20:00,227 He left with those dancers, didn't he? 1158 01:20:01,145 --> 01:20:02,437 You're the psychic. 1159 01:20:02,605 --> 01:20:05,774 Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me. 1160 01:20:05,942 --> 01:20:08,777 - Those sluts. - Yeah. 1161 01:20:08,945 --> 01:20:11,863 Then again, who isn't a slut these days, huh? 1162 01:20:13,449 --> 01:20:15,117 - Where are you going? - To bed. 1163 01:20:15,284 --> 01:20:16,743 To bed? 1164 01:20:16,911 --> 01:20:18,787 Sure, to bed. 1165 01:20:18,955 --> 01:20:21,331 I'm not the one that's in love with the guy. 1166 01:20:21,499 --> 01:20:23,667 - What? Oh. - Mm-hm. 1167 01:20:23,835 --> 01:20:27,337 Now, hold on. Hold on just a minute. 1168 01:20:27,505 --> 01:20:30,257 In the first place, I do not fall in love with weirdos... 1169 01:20:30,425 --> 01:20:32,592 who I've only known for four or five days. 1170 01:20:32,760 --> 01:20:33,844 Yes, you do. 1171 01:20:34,011 --> 01:20:37,180 And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards. 1172 01:20:37,390 --> 01:20:38,432 Yes, you do. 1173 01:20:38,599 --> 01:20:40,767 Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean. 1174 01:20:40,935 --> 01:20:43,770 - Yes, you do. - Or have perfect table manners. 1175 01:20:43,938 --> 01:20:46,189 You know, I asked him about that. 1176 01:20:46,441 --> 01:20:49,276 He said good manners are just a way of showing people... 1177 01:20:49,444 --> 01:20:51,027 that we have respect for them. 1178 01:20:51,279 --> 01:20:54,406 I didn't know that. I thought it was a way of acting superior. 1179 01:20:54,615 --> 01:20:57,325 - Oh, you know what else he told me? - What? 1180 01:20:57,535 --> 01:21:00,162 He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady. 1181 01:21:02,999 --> 01:21:05,625 Well... Well, consider the source. 1182 01:21:06,210 --> 01:21:08,295 - I don't even know what a lady is. - I know. 1183 01:21:08,463 --> 01:21:11,047 I thought a gentleman was somebody that owned horses. 1184 01:21:11,215 --> 01:21:15,177 But it turns out the short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman... 1185 01:21:15,470 --> 01:21:17,637 is someone who always tries to make sure... 1186 01:21:17,805 --> 01:21:21,725 the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible. 1187 01:21:21,893 --> 01:21:24,227 Where do you think he got all that information? 1188 01:21:24,437 --> 01:21:27,856 Oh, from the oddest place. His parents. 1189 01:21:28,024 --> 01:21:30,358 I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine. 1190 01:21:30,568 --> 01:21:33,403 Now I suppose he's trying to make those dancers... 1191 01:21:33,571 --> 01:21:36,239 feel as comfortable as possible. 1192 01:21:36,449 --> 01:21:39,242 No. He didn't go home with them. 1193 01:21:44,165 --> 01:21:45,916 Well... 1194 01:21:46,083 --> 01:21:47,375 He went home with Sophie. 1195 01:21:49,879 --> 01:21:51,463 - No! - Yep. 1196 01:21:51,672 --> 01:21:53,173 No! 1197 01:21:53,382 --> 01:21:56,384 She swept him out of the room whispering French sweet nothings. 1198 01:21:56,552 --> 01:21:59,554 No, not Sophie, not Sophie. Don't tell me that. 1199 01:21:59,764 --> 01:22:02,766 So, what you gonna do, go to her place and kick the door in? 1200 01:22:02,934 --> 01:22:05,560 You're goddamn right I am. 1201 01:22:06,771 --> 01:22:10,106 - You coming? - You kidding? Sophie would kill me. 1202 01:22:11,108 --> 01:22:12,609 Oh, coward. 1203 01:22:13,194 --> 01:22:15,111 Gentleman coward. 1204 01:22:29,544 --> 01:22:31,002 Eve! 1205 01:22:33,089 --> 01:22:36,132 So scare me, why don't you? You stupid son of a bitch. 1206 01:22:36,300 --> 01:22:39,135 - I'm really sorry. - What are you doing here? 1207 01:22:39,303 --> 01:22:41,638 You're supposed to be on San Vicente Boulevard... 1208 01:22:41,806 --> 01:22:44,516 having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie. 1209 01:22:45,017 --> 01:22:48,645 - I know, and I'm really sorry. - I'm limping. 1210 01:22:48,896 --> 01:22:51,398 How attractive is that? What if this is for life? 1211 01:22:51,566 --> 01:22:53,567 - Adam. - Where the hell are those bandages? 1212 01:22:53,734 --> 01:22:55,652 - I was just gonna say... - I know. 1213 01:22:55,820 --> 01:22:57,988 - And then she went, "Aah" and she... - I know. 1214 01:22:58,155 --> 01:23:00,657 - I didn't mean to scare her. - Of course you didn't. 1215 01:23:00,825 --> 01:23:02,993 Nothing I do with her ever seems to be right. 1216 01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,495 Used to be up here with the coffee. Why don't...? 1217 01:23:05,663 --> 01:23:08,999 That's because you're a nice boy... 1218 01:23:09,166 --> 01:23:12,085 but what Eve needs is a nice man. 1219 01:23:12,253 --> 01:23:15,755 Understand, champ? Good night. 1220 01:23:16,299 --> 01:23:17,924 Night, Troy. 1221 01:23:18,342 --> 01:23:19,467 You still here? 1222 01:23:19,635 --> 01:23:21,261 - Let me help. - I can do it myself. 1223 01:23:21,429 --> 01:23:24,014 I know more about first aid than you know about cards. 1224 01:23:24,181 --> 01:23:27,851 Give me the stuff and sit down. Sit. 1225 01:23:29,645 --> 01:23:32,439 Let me see. Give me your knee. 1226 01:23:34,191 --> 01:23:37,152 - These pants are ruined, right? - I'd say so. 1227 01:23:37,320 --> 01:23:38,820 There. 1228 01:23:44,535 --> 01:23:46,953 - Aah... Ouch. - Steady. 1229 01:23:47,371 --> 01:23:52,042 - There. And don't be such a baby. - Oh, I'm the baby? 1230 01:23:58,591 --> 01:24:00,091 Um... 1231 01:24:01,385 --> 01:24:02,886 Did, um...? 1232 01:24:04,722 --> 01:24:06,681 Did you go to Sophie's? 1233 01:24:07,892 --> 01:24:09,225 Of course. 1234 01:24:10,811 --> 01:24:12,562 And? 1235 01:24:13,022 --> 01:24:16,650 - She was hospitable. - Hospitable? 1236 01:24:17,068 --> 01:24:18,735 Huh. 1237 01:24:21,906 --> 01:24:25,742 But it just wasn't where I wanted to be. 1238 01:24:26,494 --> 01:24:31,498 So I left as politely as I could, and I found a taxi... 1239 01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:35,710 and I told the driver to bring me here instead of back to the hotel. 1240 01:24:39,256 --> 01:24:42,717 There is a song that Mr. Como sings... 1241 01:24:42,885 --> 01:24:44,844 called "On the Street Where You Live." 1242 01:24:45,012 --> 01:24:46,513 Do you know it? 1243 01:24:47,431 --> 01:24:49,516 Sing it to me. 1244 01:24:52,728 --> 01:24:54,604 Um... 1245 01:24:54,772 --> 01:24:58,858 I have often walked Down this street before 1246 01:24:59,026 --> 01:25:04,030 But the pavement always stayed Beneath my feet before 1247 01:25:04,198 --> 01:25:09,828 All at once am I Several stories high 1248 01:25:09,996 --> 01:25:15,291 Knowing I'm on the street Where you live 1249 01:25:15,459 --> 01:25:21,589 It's a song about a young man who's overjoyed... 1250 01:25:23,467 --> 01:25:25,760 just to be standing in front of the house... 1251 01:25:26,887 --> 01:25:32,058 of the person that he loves. 1252 01:25:45,698 --> 01:25:49,451 Adam, you know, I... 1253 01:25:57,418 --> 01:26:03,298 Adam, I know this is stupid, but humor me. 1254 01:26:06,510 --> 01:26:08,595 Have you ever had sex before? 1255 01:26:11,682 --> 01:26:12,766 No. 1256 01:26:14,852 --> 01:26:17,437 How is that possible? 1257 01:26:18,147 --> 01:26:20,273 You better sit back down. 1258 01:26:24,236 --> 01:26:26,696 In 1962, when the bomb was dropped on Los Angeles... 1259 01:26:26,864 --> 01:26:29,699 my parents were in our fallout shelter. 1260 01:26:29,867 --> 01:26:31,117 That's where I was born. 1261 01:26:32,495 --> 01:26:34,871 We only survived because it's a huge shelter... 1262 01:26:35,039 --> 01:26:37,957 as far as fallout shelters go. 1263 01:26:38,125 --> 01:26:41,711 My father worked on it secretly for years. 1264 01:26:41,879 --> 01:26:45,173 When he had to, he used contractors, but always from out of state... 1265 01:26:45,341 --> 01:26:47,550 and always for only a portion of the job. 1266 01:26:47,760 --> 01:26:50,220 He told them it was a secret government experiment... 1267 01:26:50,387 --> 01:26:51,638 done through Caltech. 1268 01:26:51,847 --> 01:26:53,181 Now, my dad's not a liar... 1269 01:26:53,349 --> 01:26:55,892 but in this case, he felt he had no choice. 1270 01:26:56,060 --> 01:26:58,228 Of course, it had to be kept a secret. 1271 01:26:58,395 --> 01:27:02,398 We only had enough supplies to last three people for 35 years. 1272 01:27:02,566 --> 01:27:04,901 The really tricky part was the air-vent system... 1273 01:27:05,069 --> 01:27:08,571 but we were finally able to cut into the flood-control sewer... 1274 01:27:12,201 --> 01:27:16,246 Eve, what I would like to do... 1275 01:27:16,413 --> 01:27:19,082 is to take you with me down into the fallout shelter. 1276 01:27:19,917 --> 01:27:22,919 We could live there with my mom and dad. 1277 01:27:23,087 --> 01:27:26,214 My dad said that if I found a healthy young girl... 1278 01:27:26,382 --> 01:27:28,716 that I should bring her on down. 1279 01:27:29,343 --> 01:27:31,261 Why, Eve... 1280 01:27:32,179 --> 01:27:35,515 you look plenty healthy to me. 1281 01:27:39,228 --> 01:27:42,105 - Adam? - Yes, Eve? 1282 01:27:43,941 --> 01:27:46,776 I think it's time to call a cab. 1283 01:27:48,988 --> 01:27:50,947 Oh. Of course. You're absolutely right. 1284 01:27:51,115 --> 01:27:54,534 I really shouldn't be over here at this late hour. 1285 01:27:57,329 --> 01:27:58,830 Mm-hm. 1286 01:28:03,043 --> 01:28:04,961 Good night, Adam. 1287 01:28:10,843 --> 01:28:12,594 Thank you. 1288 01:28:30,112 --> 01:28:33,615 - Goddamn, Adam. - Wait a minute. 1289 01:28:34,783 --> 01:28:36,492 Oh, look, I'm sorry. 1290 01:28:36,660 --> 01:28:39,412 I know, I took the Lord's name in vain again. I... 1291 01:28:39,580 --> 01:28:42,624 No. There's an adult bookstore back there. 1292 01:28:42,791 --> 01:28:44,792 I'll be right back. 1293 01:28:58,474 --> 01:28:59,515 Give us a sign. 1294 01:28:59,683 --> 01:29:00,725 - Amen. - Yeah. 1295 01:29:00,893 --> 01:29:02,101 - That's all we ask. - Amen. 1296 01:29:02,269 --> 01:29:05,521 - Just give us some sort of sign. - Amen. 1297 01:29:05,689 --> 01:29:10,652 - Just show us that we're not alone. - Yeah. 1298 01:29:33,926 --> 01:29:35,343 Hi, Eve. 1299 01:29:35,511 --> 01:29:39,389 - Hi, Adam. This is... - Hi, Adam, I'm Nina Aron. 1300 01:29:40,349 --> 01:29:42,517 - Hello, how do you do? - Very well, thank you. 1301 01:29:42,685 --> 01:29:45,061 I'm with the county Family Services Department. 1302 01:29:45,229 --> 01:29:50,024 Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life. 1303 01:29:51,527 --> 01:29:54,737 Fallout shelter. There is a difference. 1304 01:29:54,947 --> 01:29:58,825 Adam, I'd like to introduce you to my associate, Mr. Brown. 1305 01:29:59,994 --> 01:30:01,577 Hello. 1306 01:30:02,579 --> 01:30:04,080 We want you to come with us... 1307 01:30:04,248 --> 01:30:06,749 so we can talk some more about your experiences. 1308 01:30:06,917 --> 01:30:09,585 - Come where? - My office. 1309 01:30:09,753 --> 01:30:11,587 For how long? 1310 01:30:11,755 --> 01:30:13,548 Well, that depends. 1311 01:30:13,757 --> 01:30:16,092 Well, I thank you very much for the invitation... 1312 01:30:16,260 --> 01:30:17,593 but I'm very busy today. 1313 01:30:17,761 --> 01:30:22,056 - Perhaps I could see you tomorrow. - I think you should go with Dr. Aron. 1314 01:30:23,017 --> 01:30:25,560 I think it's the best thing. 1315 01:30:25,728 --> 01:30:28,938 I think it's the best thing for you, I do. 1316 01:30:34,737 --> 01:30:36,279 All right, Eve, if you say so. 1317 01:30:37,990 --> 01:30:39,866 I do. 1318 01:30:41,869 --> 01:30:43,369 Could I please just go home? 1319 01:30:43,537 --> 01:30:45,955 I was lost, but I found home this morning. 1320 01:30:46,123 --> 01:30:50,752 And if I can just go home, I promise I'll never bother any of you ever again. 1321 01:30:50,961 --> 01:30:54,297 Adam, uh, let's go talk first. 1322 01:30:57,926 --> 01:31:00,887 - Yes, ma'am. - Okay. 1323 01:31:03,807 --> 01:31:05,016 Bye, Adam. 1324 01:31:06,769 --> 01:31:08,478 Bye, Troy. 1325 01:31:15,444 --> 01:31:19,280 - You'll be hearing from me. - Oh, yes. 1326 01:31:21,617 --> 01:31:24,494 What? What was I supposed to do? 1327 01:31:24,661 --> 01:31:26,788 He told me he wanted to take me underground. 1328 01:31:26,955 --> 01:31:30,333 That's like Silence of the Lambs. It's crazy. 1329 01:31:30,542 --> 01:31:33,252 Yeah. You did the right thing. 1330 01:31:37,049 --> 01:31:39,133 - Hey, hey. - Oh, no. 1331 01:31:39,343 --> 01:31:40,593 Where you going? 1332 01:31:42,429 --> 01:31:44,180 - Oh, my God. - All right, don't worry. 1333 01:31:44,348 --> 01:31:47,475 Don't worry, he'll catch him. Yes, this is Nina Aron. 1334 01:31:47,684 --> 01:31:50,353 I've got a runaway, and I'm gonna need police assistance. 1335 01:31:50,562 --> 01:31:52,939 - No, you cannot call them. - Young lady, I have to. 1336 01:31:53,107 --> 01:31:55,358 If a complaint is made and the person resists... 1337 01:31:55,526 --> 01:31:56,818 No, I cannot have that. 1338 01:31:57,027 --> 01:31:59,654 They'll come with their cars and their guns and... 1339 01:31:59,822 --> 01:32:01,447 All right, all right. Calm down. 1340 01:32:01,615 --> 01:32:04,867 Now, that young man needs help, and you need protection from him. 1341 01:32:05,077 --> 01:32:06,202 I was frightened. 1342 01:32:06,370 --> 01:32:10,873 I didn't know what to think, but, you know, I believe him. 1343 01:32:11,041 --> 01:32:12,333 I think he just... 1344 01:32:12,543 --> 01:32:15,878 I do. I really think he just wants to go home, wherever that might be. 1345 01:32:16,046 --> 01:32:19,465 All right, everybody has to calm down. That's the most important thing. 1346 01:32:19,633 --> 01:32:21,217 - Eve. Here's my hotel key. - Adam. 1347 01:32:21,385 --> 01:32:24,303 You can have my baseball cards. Don't forget to pay my bill. 1348 01:32:24,471 --> 01:32:27,557 You stop right there. Stop. Don't get in that truck. 1349 01:32:27,724 --> 01:32:30,393 Adam, you gotta stop trying to drive this truck. 1350 01:32:30,561 --> 01:32:31,686 - Bye, Troy. - Bye, Adam. 1351 01:32:31,854 --> 01:32:33,354 Thanks for always being happy. 1352 01:32:33,522 --> 01:32:35,731 - What? - Gay. 1353 01:32:38,277 --> 01:32:40,486 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1354 01:32:40,654 --> 01:32:43,489 That's my car, you son of a bitch! 1355 01:32:44,074 --> 01:32:46,576 - Where the hell have you been? - I fell down. 1356 01:32:46,743 --> 01:32:48,911 You guys get the license number on that truck? 1357 01:32:49,079 --> 01:32:51,998 What are you asking them for? They're as screwed up as he is. 1358 01:32:52,166 --> 01:32:54,417 Everybody keep calm. That's the important thing. 1359 01:32:54,626 --> 01:32:56,252 Who you talking to, you stupid...? 1360 01:32:56,420 --> 01:32:58,629 - Eve! Eve! - Okay, okay, okay. 1361 01:33:06,930 --> 01:33:10,391 Mom? Dad? I'm home. 1362 01:33:11,143 --> 01:33:13,978 Oh! Oh. 1363 01:33:14,146 --> 01:33:16,522 Adam. Oh, Adam. 1364 01:33:17,566 --> 01:33:20,109 - Oh. - I've got almost everything we need. 1365 01:33:20,277 --> 01:33:23,279 - And this nice man... - Archbishop Melker. 1366 01:33:23,447 --> 01:33:24,864 We met previously. 1367 01:33:25,073 --> 01:33:27,783 ... And his church group volunteered to help bring it down. 1368 01:33:28,035 --> 01:33:30,703 - But we've gotta hurry. - Are you in trouble, son? 1369 01:33:30,871 --> 01:33:33,247 I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. 1370 01:33:33,415 --> 01:33:35,708 - A psychiatrist? - It happens. 1371 01:33:36,168 --> 01:33:39,420 Oh, my goodness. How bad is it up there? 1372 01:33:39,963 --> 01:33:41,631 Horrible. 1373 01:33:43,258 --> 01:33:45,384 There's something on your forehead. 1374 01:33:45,594 --> 01:33:48,179 - Calvin. - I know. 1375 01:34:08,242 --> 01:34:10,660 Okay. 1376 01:34:25,092 --> 01:34:26,175 Is this it? 1377 01:34:30,097 --> 01:34:34,684 - Well, what are we gonna do with it? - Give it back to him. 1378 01:34:34,851 --> 01:34:37,311 - And what if we can't find him? - We'll find him. 1379 01:34:37,479 --> 01:34:39,105 Well... 1380 01:34:59,334 --> 01:35:01,794 Hey, Eve. 1381 01:35:02,713 --> 01:35:06,841 Eve, uh, look what I found in the suitcase. It's stock certificates. 1382 01:35:07,009 --> 01:35:08,217 I mean, it's got, like... 1383 01:35:08,385 --> 01:35:12,388 It's got, like, IBM and AT&T and Polaroid and... 1384 01:35:12,556 --> 01:35:16,142 Ipana? I remember this brand. 1385 01:35:16,310 --> 01:35:18,644 I didn't know they still made this. 1386 01:35:21,231 --> 01:35:26,527 Oh. Look at this. It says, "Trademark 1961." 1387 01:35:30,532 --> 01:35:32,658 Hurry, my friends, we have no time to waste. 1388 01:35:32,826 --> 01:35:35,536 The son has spoken. Let's step it up. 1389 01:35:35,746 --> 01:35:39,665 Leave my elevator alone. Leave my elevator alone. 1390 01:35:39,833 --> 01:35:42,418 We're losing the light. 1391 01:35:42,669 --> 01:35:46,505 Purchased in 1958 and '59? Ten thousand shares of each? 1392 01:35:46,673 --> 01:35:48,424 - Mm-hm. - They'd be worth millions. 1393 01:35:48,592 --> 01:35:51,677 Hell, I don't know. Millions upon millions... 1394 01:35:51,887 --> 01:35:53,596 Upon millions. 1395 01:35:54,014 --> 01:35:59,894 The stocks, the baseball cards, the clothes, the toothpaste. 1396 01:36:00,062 --> 01:36:02,063 The guy's on the level. 1397 01:36:02,731 --> 01:36:04,273 Eve. 1398 01:36:04,441 --> 01:36:08,569 Eve, a man walks into your life who's the kindest, most polite... 1399 01:36:08,737 --> 01:36:10,780 most incredibly rich guy you've ever met. 1400 01:36:10,947 --> 01:36:13,282 And I have him committed. 1401 01:36:13,450 --> 01:36:16,702 Yes. Yes, you did. 1402 01:36:17,120 --> 01:36:18,788 Yeah. 1403 01:36:19,790 --> 01:36:23,376 Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich. 1404 01:36:23,543 --> 01:36:26,212 - That's new. - Yeah. 1405 01:36:27,547 --> 01:36:32,134 He said today he knew where home was. Where'd you guys go this morning? 1406 01:36:32,803 --> 01:36:35,304 Just to pick up frozen poultry. 1407 01:36:35,472 --> 01:36:38,265 - Then? - Then back to the house. 1408 01:36:38,433 --> 01:36:40,643 You didn't stop anywhere? 1409 01:36:42,896 --> 01:36:45,481 We did. We stopped at a porn shop. 1410 01:36:45,982 --> 01:36:49,485 We stopped at this adult bookstore. Adam was very excited to see it. 1411 01:36:49,653 --> 01:36:53,614 - Adam was very excited to see porn? - Yes. 1412 01:36:53,782 --> 01:36:56,659 Eve, do you think maybe his home... 1413 01:36:56,868 --> 01:37:00,079 is underneath a dirty bookstore in the Valley? 1414 01:37:05,335 --> 01:37:08,796 - Is this it? - Yeah. Yeah, this is the place. 1415 01:37:28,191 --> 01:37:31,777 Harder. Adam? Adam? 1416 01:37:33,196 --> 01:37:35,781 Um, heh. Do you have a basement? 1417 01:37:35,949 --> 01:37:40,202 Believe me, all the really good stuff is right up front. 1418 01:37:41,872 --> 01:37:43,664 Is there a back entrance or something? 1419 01:37:43,874 --> 01:37:45,833 Are you kidding? Of course. 1420 01:37:46,042 --> 01:37:48,544 Nice kid. Nice kid. 1421 01:37:50,672 --> 01:37:53,549 What are we looking for? This is ridiculous. 1422 01:37:53,717 --> 01:37:56,343 Why would they put a fallout shelter under a porn shop? 1423 01:37:56,511 --> 01:37:58,179 None of this was here back in '62. 1424 01:37:58,346 --> 01:38:00,723 Back then this was all, like, cute little homes... 1425 01:38:00,891 --> 01:38:03,642 and, you know, fruit orchards. 1426 01:38:03,852 --> 01:38:06,437 Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? 1427 01:38:07,731 --> 01:38:11,484 - I wanna go home. - Yeah. Maybe he'll call, huh? 1428 01:38:12,861 --> 01:38:14,820 Uh, Eve? 1429 01:38:14,988 --> 01:38:16,739 This is Adam. 1430 01:38:17,574 --> 01:38:21,035 Look, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. 1431 01:38:21,203 --> 01:38:24,747 And I wanted to tell you that I... 1432 01:38:25,207 --> 01:38:27,416 That, uh... 1433 01:38:27,584 --> 01:38:29,919 That I wish so many good things for you. 1434 01:38:30,086 --> 01:38:33,589 I wish so hard that all of your dreams come true. 1435 01:38:33,757 --> 01:38:35,841 And that... 1436 01:38:36,009 --> 01:38:39,261 And that's all I... And that's all. 1437 01:39:04,704 --> 01:39:07,998 Surprise. Bang! Ha-ha-ha. 1438 01:39:11,378 --> 01:39:13,754 Stay out of here, you drunk. 1439 01:39:16,508 --> 01:39:18,968 Mm-mm-mm. 1440 01:39:39,239 --> 01:39:40,906 Adam? 1441 01:40:19,154 --> 01:40:23,991 - How long you gonna set it for this time? - I thought 10 years. 1442 01:40:24,367 --> 01:40:29,204 Well, it's considerably shorter than before... 1443 01:40:29,706 --> 01:40:33,375 but I was wondering, Calvin, I mean, why set the locks at all? 1444 01:40:33,585 --> 01:40:35,002 I mean, the radiation's gone. 1445 01:40:35,170 --> 01:40:37,880 To keep what's up there from getting down here. 1446 01:40:38,048 --> 01:40:41,091 It's not radiation I'm worried about. 1447 01:40:41,468 --> 01:40:43,135 Mom. Dad. 1448 01:40:46,348 --> 01:40:47,890 Oh, ho. 1449 01:40:53,355 --> 01:40:56,523 I would like for you to meet Miss Eve Rustokov. 1450 01:40:56,691 --> 01:40:58,859 - Mrs. Webber. - Hello. 1451 01:40:59,027 --> 01:41:00,736 - Mr. Webber. - Hello. 1452 01:41:01,404 --> 01:41:04,323 Adam's told me such wonderful things about you. 1453 01:41:04,908 --> 01:41:06,992 Oh, well, excuse us, please. 1454 01:41:07,160 --> 01:41:11,080 - We haven't entertained a guest in... - Quite some time. 1455 01:41:11,247 --> 01:41:14,083 Oh, Eve, what can I offer you? 1456 01:41:14,250 --> 01:41:17,753 - Mom, Eve and I have to go. - Oh, Adam, you just got here. 1457 01:41:17,921 --> 01:41:21,256 I can't explain now, but I want you to set the locks for two months. 1458 01:41:21,424 --> 01:41:24,510 You've got enough of everything. We'll be right back to get you. 1459 01:41:24,678 --> 01:41:26,637 But I don't understand. 1460 01:41:26,846 --> 01:41:30,015 And I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why. 1461 01:41:30,225 --> 01:41:33,769 - In that case, of course. - Of course, son. 1462 01:41:33,937 --> 01:41:37,231 - They really are wonderful parents. - Ha-ha-ha. 1463 01:41:37,816 --> 01:41:40,776 Oh, Adam. Could you at least stay for dinner? 1464 01:41:40,944 --> 01:41:43,654 - Well, we do... - You must. 1465 01:41:46,324 --> 01:41:47,825 Perfect. 1466 01:41:47,993 --> 01:41:49,910 Now, tell me if you've heard this one. 1467 01:41:50,078 --> 01:41:52,246 Duck walks into a drugstore. 1468 01:41:52,414 --> 01:41:57,376 This gravy is an old favorite of Calvin's. Now, Eve, the platter is down there. 1469 01:41:57,544 --> 01:41:59,586 Would you get that, honey? 1470 01:41:59,754 --> 01:42:03,841 The sperm swims toward the egg. Pop. 1471 01:42:04,009 --> 01:42:05,467 - Into the egg. - But why? 1472 01:42:05,635 --> 01:42:07,219 Because it must. 1473 01:42:07,387 --> 01:42:11,974 - But why? - Because it's out there. 1474 01:42:12,684 --> 01:42:16,311 I don't mean to be nosy, but are you and Adam dating? 1475 01:42:16,479 --> 01:42:18,522 Yeah, we are. 1476 01:42:19,983 --> 01:42:22,943 And I'm from Pasadena. 1477 01:42:26,322 --> 01:42:29,825 And you thought your parents were weird. 1478 01:42:30,827 --> 01:42:34,163 It's truly amazing what you can get done when you have unlimited funds. 1479 01:42:35,040 --> 01:42:38,500 Do you know you can have whole houses built in just a matter of months? 1480 01:42:38,668 --> 01:42:41,086 It's like the Garden of Eden, don't you think? 1481 01:42:41,296 --> 01:42:44,048 All you have to say is this: "I don't care what it costs." 1482 01:42:44,215 --> 01:42:47,342 Of course, you've gotta really mean it, which no one ever does. 1483 01:42:48,011 --> 01:42:50,554 It took a while to convince Archbishop Melker... 1484 01:42:50,722 --> 01:42:52,097 that Adam wasn't God... 1485 01:42:52,307 --> 01:42:54,641 and he was pretty broken up about it too. 1486 01:42:54,809 --> 01:42:58,729 Until I showed him my plans for Los Angeles' hottest nightspot. 1487 01:42:58,897 --> 01:43:00,189 It's my goddamn malt shop. 1488 01:43:00,356 --> 01:43:02,858 - Let's figure out what's gonna happen. - Okay. 1489 01:43:03,026 --> 01:43:06,361 Now, I want the whole ownership of everything downstairs, all right? 1490 01:43:06,529 --> 01:43:09,323 - Well... - I want one of my guys at the door. 1491 01:43:12,243 --> 01:43:16,747 Our idea was to bring Adam's parents up to the surface very slowly... 1492 01:43:16,915 --> 01:43:20,250 make them very comfortable, and then break the bad news to them... 1493 01:43:20,418 --> 01:43:23,712 that there was no nuclear holocaust. 1494 01:43:37,769 --> 01:43:39,228 Oh, Adam. 1495 01:43:51,574 --> 01:43:53,909 Oh, son. 1496 01:43:57,956 --> 01:44:02,334 Okay. And here you go. Careful. 1497 01:44:09,134 --> 01:44:10,717 It's hot. 1498 01:44:10,927 --> 01:44:12,427 Careful. 1499 01:44:15,140 --> 01:44:19,977 Have you ever in your life seen a son who did more for his parents? 1500 01:44:20,770 --> 01:44:23,397 This is beautiful. 1501 01:44:24,315 --> 01:44:27,609 - It's absolutely beautiful. - Yeah. 1502 01:44:27,777 --> 01:44:33,407 Well, we seem to have everything, but, you know... 1503 01:44:34,159 --> 01:44:38,120 it's not much different from the fallout shelter. 1504 01:44:38,955 --> 01:44:43,500 No, Calvin, this is different, believe me. 1505 01:44:46,838 --> 01:44:51,049 This is great, son. 1506 01:44:53,720 --> 01:44:55,429 By the way... 1507 01:44:56,764 --> 01:45:01,351 Eve, her last name, Rustokov, that's not Russian, is it? 1508 01:45:01,519 --> 01:45:04,563 No, it's, uh, Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated. 1509 01:45:08,818 --> 01:45:10,777 Dad, I don't know how to tell you this... 1510 01:45:10,945 --> 01:45:14,072 and I was gonna wait for a while to do it, but, um... 1511 01:45:16,618 --> 01:45:20,370 Dad, there was no bomb. A plane crashed in our back yard. 1512 01:45:20,580 --> 01:45:23,248 I looked it up in old newspapers. 1513 01:45:23,875 --> 01:45:26,210 - Are you sure? - Positive. 1514 01:45:26,419 --> 01:45:29,296 The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. 1515 01:45:29,464 --> 01:45:30,964 The Cold War's over. 1516 01:45:34,844 --> 01:45:37,304 That's what everyone believes? 1517 01:45:37,472 --> 01:45:39,264 Oh, yes, sir. 1518 01:45:39,432 --> 01:45:40,891 And it's true. 1519 01:45:42,101 --> 01:45:46,355 What, the Politburo one day said: 1520 01:45:47,106 --> 01:45:49,858 "We give up"? Ha-ha-ha. 1521 01:45:50,652 --> 01:45:53,111 Yes, that's kind of how it went. 1522 01:45:53,321 --> 01:45:56,490 My gosh, those commies are brilliant. 1523 01:45:56,658 --> 01:45:58,533 You have to hand it to them. 1524 01:45:58,743 --> 01:46:01,370 "No, we didn't drop any bombs. 1525 01:46:01,537 --> 01:46:05,707 Oh, yeah, our evil empire has collapsed. Poor us." 1526 01:46:05,875 --> 01:46:10,045 I'll bet they even asked the West for aid. 1527 01:46:10,255 --> 01:46:11,546 Right? 1528 01:46:11,714 --> 01:46:14,258 Um, I think they did. 1529 01:46:14,467 --> 01:46:17,719 Oh, boys. Dinnertime. 1530 01:46:17,887 --> 01:46:18,971 Pot roast. 1531 01:46:24,143 --> 01:46:25,811 I'll tell you. 1532 01:46:27,981 --> 01:46:29,690 Funny guy. 1533 01:46:30,400 --> 01:46:33,568 - Don't tell your mother. - No, okay. 1534 01:46:33,736 --> 01:46:36,905 Adam says that this is simply how things work. 1535 01:46:37,073 --> 01:46:39,408 First the parents take care of the children... 1536 01:46:39,575 --> 01:46:42,160 and then the children take care of the parents. 1537 01:46:42,328 --> 01:46:45,414 He says historically, that's how it works. 1538 01:46:45,581 --> 01:46:48,083 Damn commies. 1539 01:46:51,379 --> 01:46:55,590 Whenever Adam gives me such obviously incorrect information... 1540 01:46:55,758 --> 01:47:00,721 I just smile, slap him on the knee, and look out the window. 1541 01:47:00,888 --> 01:47:02,264 Why spoil his dreams? 1542 01:47:03,161 --> 01:47:05,448 They're such wonderful dreams. 1543 01:47:05,473 --> 01:47:06,735 [Political Science - Randy Newman] 1544 01:47:06,760 --> 01:47:10,030 ♪ No one likes us, I don't know why 1545 01:47:10,706 --> 01:47:15,322 ♪ We may not be perfect but heaven knows we try 1546 01:47:16,216 --> 01:47:20,605 ♪ But all around, even our old friends put us down 1547 01:47:21,207 --> 01:47:26,090 ♪ Let's drop the big one and see what happens 1548 01:47:26,307 --> 01:47:30,605 ♪ Asia's crowded and Europe's too old 1549 01:47:30,916 --> 01:47:35,192 ♪ Africa is far too hot and Canada's too cold 1550 01:47:35,680 --> 01:47:39,314 ♪ And South America stole our name 1551 01:47:39,536 --> 01:47:44,445 ♪ Let's drop the big one, there'll be no one left to blame us 1552 01:47:45,506 --> 01:47:48,305 ♪ We'll save Australia 1553 01:47:50,207 --> 01:47:52,705 ♪ Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo 1554 01:47:54,733 --> 01:47:58,760 ♪ We'll build an All American amusement park there 1555 01:47:58,785 --> 01:48:01,619 ♪ They got surfin', too 1556 01:48:03,316 --> 01:48:07,146 ♪ Boom goes London, boom Paree 1557 01:48:07,722 --> 01:48:11,611 ♪ More room for you and more room for me 1558 01:48:12,310 --> 01:48:16,097 ♪ And every city the whole world round 1559 01:48:16,376 --> 01:48:20,406 ♪ Will just be another American town 1560 01:48:20,472 --> 01:48:23,191 ♪ Oh, how peaceful it'll be 1561 01:48:23,216 --> 01:48:25,207 ♪ we'll set everybody free 1562 01:48:25,307 --> 01:48:29,652 ♪ You'll wear a Japanese kimono there'll be Italian shoes for me 1563 01:48:30,079 --> 01:48:32,698 ♪ They all hate us anyhow, 1564 01:48:32,942 --> 01:48:35,681 ♪ so let's drop the big one now 1565 01:48:36,253 --> 01:48:39,633 ♪ Let's drop the big one now 119783