Original subtitles

you

Get us all killed you bastard get back to work We'll keep working, but they

better be cold.

Once again, that infernal mind has taken our loved one.

Not gold.

Not silver.

I spit upon thee, O worldly possessions, for I am the life of God.

Close the mind and turn our eyes to the light.

I found something you can't tell anybody

not even your mother you can't tell anybody I promise cross my heart

oh it's beautiful

It's yours.

I'll never take it off.

Good.

It's gonna be okay.

Come on.

Let's get some breakfast, okay?

Sarah.

Yeah, Pa?

Don't go outside.

Okay.

Thanks, Butcher. I butchered that this morning. Ain't had time to cure yet.

Needs to bleed out some more.

Where have you been?

And do you care?

Good night, Sarah.

You know you fooled me when I was young.

Let the touch of health be from you.

I will no longer hide your dark secrets.

You will try, Teacher Grasp.

You've compromised my plans.

I have it under control.

No! No! You don't!

Has he brought you the pendant?

No.

Not before he pays!

Ah, my army stand united!

The time to strike is now!

Where is it?

Where is it?

Your seed?

What?

His blood like to destroy my plans.

He's made one mistake already, falling in love.

I will not accept another!

Your granddaughter is dead!

Very well.

Have your binge.

Find that devil, Lucy. We cannot let evil possess our town.

Fire!

Playtime's over.

Tristan!

Lucy!

Let Rachel go. This is between you and me.

Remember our first time? How much you

wanted me.

Leave him alone, bitch! Wrong!

Tristan, send out Rachel now!

I curse you as creatures of the night to roam the earth forever, dusting the

blood of man.

Only if it's blood moon will you see her human form and remember her

perfect flesh.

God bless you.

your victims, turning them into the living dead.

However, if they live from your bite, they will join you as a wolf of the

A silver bullet through your heart is the only way to end your curse.

But I leave you with one more gift.

Your blood spilling on the earth's dust.

Who raised me from the dead!

Break down the door.

Jacob!

In the name of the Lord.

It's a jargon.

Thank you.

Hey, Sadie.

Hey, bitch.

I got a kiss.

Yeah? So?

So, you're going to spot me?

Yes.

Hold on. I'll be right back. Okay?

Damn kids.

You know,

Sam is one choice kisser. Yeah, you guys have been making out all night.

Tongue is just amazing.

It's gone crazy.

Becky, let's go.

Becky,

get off!

Get off!

I don't get it.

These zombies, they can do this. spacecraft and fly to earth but then

get here all they do is wander around mindlessly looking for people to eat how

real is that you're studying to be a half -wit it's all fake dumbass

where's becky

is not for sale.

Just wanted licorice.

Oh.

Hey, slow down there, Space Ranger.

Call the cops!

There's a bathroom in the back. If you're going to puke, could you do it in

shitter?

Oh, look at the juice giving me the dry heat.

And I cleaned that up.

You two in some kind of trouble?

Yeah, and it's coming this way.

Do you guys have a car?

Well, dumbass ain't got nothing but a twin.

So I guess you'd be talking to me.

Not again!

in the twin now.

Don't move.

Stay back.

Come on. We gotta split.

Oh, no. We're not going anywhere.

You just want to get me outside.

Suck me up in your spacecraft and eat me. Well, I hope you like lead tea.

it on this white boy.

The licorice is not for sale.

Come on, soda jerk. Wake up.

We're closed.

Zombies!

Some of your space zombie buddies, huh?

Listen, Cracker Jack, do I look like a zombie?

Where's his car?

Hold on.

I've been waiting for this all my life.

Vampire, I must be dreaming.

No, no, no.

No! No! Not cool! Not cool!

Get

away

from me!

She will not rest until you are dead.

Really? Why am I so lucky?

It's our family's curse.

We're related?

It was on a dark, cold night, deep within the belly of that unstable beast

goldmine that destiny found me.

The heart of Joseph.

It lay for thousands of years buried at the entrance to hell.

And on that fateful day, I took it.

opening a path for Lucy and the Devil to raise Hell on Earth.

Lucy was my wife, whom at one time I loved.

Lucy was to write a book. When finished, it would open the gate to Hell,

releasing Captain Faust and the armies of Hell.

The mobs chased Lucy.

and she found Rachel and I at our most vulnerable moment.

Jacob and the mob took Lucy's body to the gravedigger, who was aware of her

power, even as her body lied dead before him.

Jacob paid him well to burn her.

However, the gravedigger was fearful that she may curse him, so he buried her

far from despair.

I discovered his error.

and sought out to find where he buried Lucy with plans to burn her body myself.

Damning her to hell.

But I never found her grave.

So, I sent my daughter, your grandmother, far from me with the heart

I wandered the earth for years and made sure that Rachel was never harmed.

In fear that Lucy may return.

I believed this was the right path.

But time has changed me.

I began to seek out a way to stop Lucy when her father, the devil, caught up to

me. He lied to Rachel and I, telling us it was the heart of Job and a member of

my family that would raise Lucy from the dead.

I knew it was the blood of Rachel, but Rachel believed him and has taken

on our family, killing them all, including your parents.

You lied! I saw my parents this afternoon!

I'm sorry.

They're dead.

That's my mother!

That is the heart of Job.

You lied!

You need not believe me.

But she will not rest until you are dead.

The necklace closes the gates to hell.

The key to open the gates still lies in despair.

is a book covered in human flesh and letters burned of blood.

You must destroy the book.

How do we kill that thing?

Through her heart is the only way.

Lucy must never breathe again.

No. No, we would like to. This isn't the way.

Number one.

Silver bullet.

If you're going to survive in this world, you should really read up on this

show.

Don't you want to hear how I killed all those zombies?

Not really.

Aw. You drive.

Okay.

You know, this is just like the time that Zargon went to Planet Doom and Dr.

Death and his minions surround Zargon.

Fucking

zombies.

Come on.

Come on. She's there.

Come on.

Look around and what I see.

Needles and bottles and bags of weed.

We're doing a hundred down the highway of lies.

We're doing a hundred down the highway of lies.

My gosh,

how much farther?

I don't know.

It's MAPS Portland.

Damn it, Daryl!

Real men don't use MAPS.

Hey, did you get them all?

How should I know?

If we don't kill all the zombies, pretty soon the world's population is going to

be just the two of us. You think?

Think of our kids.

I think if we were the last people on Earth, then humanity is going extinct.

We'll turn it up here.

What makes you think that?

Zargon didn't need a map, and neither do I.

Come here, baby.

I see you.

Who's this tart?

Que bonita.

Ay, mamacita.

You make my tamale.

Looks like she's here for the Tuesday special.

Oh, you mean the doof day.

Hey,

what are you doing?

You're not her, but you look just like her.

Where is this?

I don't know.

I mean, last time I saw her, we were in a soda shop outside Bakersfield.

Were you bit by a woman?

That's what you call it.

There's always a spare studios.

Studios?

Yeah, it's about half a day's ride.

Take me!

Hey, I've never been there.

I'll show you.

I'll show you.

You're a clone, bitch.

I need her.

You do me so good.

Move, you right bitch.

Where the hell are we, Daryl?

Did you get that, Frankie Bay? Who is that?

That was out of sight. David Byrd? Byrd moving pitch, stay back.

Oh, man, chill. It's just a movie.

What's your bag, man? You wigging out?

Oh, you look choice.

You must be the extras Phil sent over.

Not really.

No shit.

That's a real bummer.

Hey, Tess, how am I supposed to finish my film if I can't get my people here?

Ask Phil yourself. He'll be here in an hour. Damn it, he's coming here?

I'm tired of putting up with your bullshit surprises. It's not funny

Hey, Chucky.

You're going, man.

I don't know these goofs.

It's been four days and we have maybe five minutes of a 90 -minute film. I'm

going to the saloon and drowning myself in a deep glass of bourbon.

David, get your shit together.

Oh, come on, Tess. You know I'm just wound up.

These zombie flicks are fresh and hot.

You guys got a place to hole up?

Man, I may be a little crazy, but I hate freeloaders with guns.

We're going for a smoke.

Aw, shit, man. Come on, we almost got it. Just one more take.

We've done it, like, 15 times.

We need a break.

Okay, babe?

I'm going with that.

Daryl. What?

We need to find that book and split.

That's a great idea.

Why don't we all just take five?

Oh, yeah, real original. Dave, if you want to live, get into the saloon.

Jesus, where'd you freak come from?

Planet Doom.

Shit.

You killed that guy.

That's no real guy, Dave. That man is abnormal.

I'm a dust in the wind.

Hey, move it, candy ass!

In 2151, Zargon went back in time.

Sent back to stop Dr.

Death from destroying the planet Earth with the living

dead.

Summer, please tell me, what in the name of God was that? You're the big time

director. Figure it out.

And you, you pull this Zargon shit again, I'm going to ram this shotgun up

ass and forget your name. I had it under control.

Yeah, like Zargon did in dumb shits from Planet Grow the fuck up.

Hold on a minute, voodoo child. You're going a bit too far.

Zargon's a cool cat.

Nah, man.

She's right.

Hey! Shut it!

Last time I smoked was with my dead zombie best friend, so back off!

White bitch.

Not long.

Hey, pull yourself together.

Climb it, Tarzan.

Cute. Leave me alone.

Come on. We have to get that book.

Book? Yeah.

It's the key to hell. If we don't find it and destroy it, our world becomes

that.

Jesus Christ, who we gonna kill, Bigfoot?

Only way to kill a zombie is a shot to the head.

Oh shit,

Phil! Dear God!

Well, you look at that.

God damn it.

They're hiding till he gets out.

It's not because of the bitches.

Open the door.

Hey, are you insane?

Hey, that's not cool, brother. They're going to bite your pee -pee. Can't let

you do that, Dave. Really? And who signed your paycheck?

Can't cash the check if I'm dead, David. Open the door.

In case you didn't notice, we just dropped another notch on the food chain.

You dig, Dave?

Pat, where the hell are you?

Come on, I haven't got time for this monkey shit.

George Romero's releasing his latest zombie flick at the festival, and I got

dick to show for it. Now, where are you?

Phil, get back in your car.

Dave. Over here.

Where? In the saloon.

Well, get your ass out here.

Phil, get in your car.

What?

You scared me, you bastards.

You guys look good.

God damn it, you clyde! This shirt cost me a hundred bucks!

Do you mind?

I'm trying to get by, you cunt.

Leave Jaya.

Do you guys have a car?

We had a bus that caught fire two days ago.

Clambake. Hey, that wasn't my fault.

What you gonna blame the black man for?

We'll split up between the two cars.

Not gonna be that easy.

You come with me

Great -great

-grandmother, that's your grandma

Whoa -ho -ho -ho!

Far out, huh?

Dammit! There's a curse on the book.

And that's the bad thing?

So much for soft hands.

Hey, that girl Sadie?

What of her?

She's here. It's an old curse.

God's favorite.

I will need a virgin.

One of them is here also.

Oh, I don't get it.

What about me?

Get there not alone.

It's up to you and me, guys.

Ah, great.

Going country.

Daryl.

Daryl, where are you?

Sadie? Out here.

How'd you get out there?

I found it. What?

The book.

Come on.

Why should I? You did Sargon.

Oh, come on, baby.

Later. Why do I have to bring up the rear? Oh, shut up.

One more time.

Daryl and I will lead the way out the back door.

Daryl, you get that?

Daryl? Just like episode 36, when Zargon takes the princess of Planet X to the

Horsehead Nebula. And in the asteroid belt, they find a secret make -out spot.

What's that there?

Jeez, this is the key to hell?

I'm not impressed.

Where the hell is he? I just saw him down the hall.

Yeah, he's posing in front of a mirror.

Oh, God.

All right, everyone, pick a weapon and get ready to go.

I'm going to get Daryl.

Hey, why don't you get that one?

Back.

You're kidding, right?

Geez, it's not even finished.

It's just like when Dr. Death goes to Planet X.

Where'd that come from?

Beautiful.

Yeah, take it.

Pathetic little virgin toolbox.

Hey, beautiful!

Oh,

no!

Holy shit, look at the motherfucking zombies! Get out of my way!

Daniel's a bad motherfucker.

Whoa.

We're going to make out, right?

Of course.

What a loser.

What's with the glove?

Oh, get on with it.

Geez. Act like it's a big deal.

Oh, shitballs.

You're not Sadie. Now we finish my book.

Don't get the doors closed!

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Man,

I can't believe you're actually a virgin.

Must have to be you.

At least I don't snack on nappy old men.

Okay.

Time for a piñata party, eh? No, it's not, no.

So what's your new wankers?

Wants to go fast.

Stop!

Knock it off!

Stop it!

Stop!

I'm not going to finish your book!

The quill will not release its grip until the book is finished. I'm not

finish your dirty book!

Get off of me!

I think he's going to be dead.

I'm not coming back from that.

It's right in the middle of his forehead.

It's where the cranium and the brain cells and the thought process... No,

stop it.

Either way, he's not going to be walking anymore.

I'm pretty sure that his pee -pee won't work.

What have I done?

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

I feel dirty.

Get away from him!

Hey, Sadie.

Damn it!

Damn it, it still hurts!

Good. Now back off!

Nice guns.

I see my good looks prevail.

Suck it, Grandma.

No, you bitch!

Grandma's tired and time is short.

Where is the pendant?

I don't know what you're talking about.

The Heart of Job.

Where is it? I know Tristan gave it to you.

I don't have time for games.

All I've got is time.

Find the pendant and bring it to me.

Let's go, Grandma.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

What are you doing here?

We're sick of waiting for you to wake up.

Half -wit.

Oh, man.

There were only 50 Zargon badges of honor ever made.

This one's an original.

Oh, you're gonna get all teary on me.

Oh, you smell like fresh cow ass.

Where'd they go?

Who? Sadie and...

Sadie? I don't know. God, my chest hurts.

What do you want?

I ain't trading my bitchin' babe magnet wheels for your crappy -ass twin.

Where's my car?

Oh, man, your neck is messed up.

Don't bug me, none.

What's your point? I have one.

Come on, your keys are inside.

You gonna eat me?

I'm looking for something.

A bright red pendant with the gold chain

on it. That bitchy girl. Yeah?

She had it. What did she do with it?

It was around her neck.

Oh, too bad.

Almost a bullseye, eh?

Sam said don't kill him, though, Holmes.

Gotta ask him a few questions, eh?

I said... Don't fucking move!

Whatever.

I'm so hungry I could eat a pound of steak.

You start snacking on anybody and I put you down.

Silver bullet.

What are you, nuts? All I want is a New York strip bloody rare.

Think I'm some kind of sicko?

Yep.

What's in here, old man?

There you are.

Check it out.

I failed her.

Drink up, wussy.

I don't drink.

Time to start.

Oh, it tastes like horse piss.

Oh, you're going to be a little sucky, kid.

Drink. Oh, she's halfway to hell. I opened the gate and pushed her through.

How long we been fixing this?

Oh, God, you've got dog breath. Shut up. Every day I had to listen to your

brainless talk about comic books.

All you did was flatter me. Yeah, about what? I don't even know. I stopped

listening. Whatever.

I'm done.

I always knew you was a halfling, but I never thought you were cool.

Make sure our guest is very uncomfortable.

We'll never get away with this!

My father?

I want no surprises.

Where is that stupid boy?

I'm going to get you.

Hey, Jared.

Hey, you've been blocking it up.

Go get him, baby.

Thanks.

Hey, hold on. What now?

Each of you has one silver bullet.

So aim for the heart.

Gentlemen, whenever you're ready.

those silver bullets.

I said drive.

Shut up, old man. It's my car.

I said shut up, fat guy.

Don't, kid. Shut up.

Bill, I slept with Tiffy last week, and she liked it.

to tell you something.

Yeah?

I have sexual fantasies about you.

Really?

Nightly.

That's not right, considering the situation.

What the hell?

Roadkill!

Wow,

this is incredible.

Just like an epic movie.

So we swoop in, rescue Sadie, Kill Lucy and save the day.

There's not too many of them. We can take them.

That's not all of them.

What aren't you telling us?

Those are just the gates' guards.

The hourglass counts down till the gates open, releasing hell on earth.

Only a man of pure heart can enter through the gates carrying the heart of

Then, and only then, will the gates close.

Doesn't sound too hard.

Wait a minute. The heart of Job.

Job was the only man that could survive all the pain and suffering the devil can

inflict. So?

So, dumbass, listen.

Hey, man, walking through that gate is a real heavy trip.

Imagine all the pain and torment a man can endure and multiply that by a

thousand and even a million. Thanks, Dave.

Real positive. He's right. You must be willing to sacrifice your life.

Sacrifice? You said sacrifice.

You need to get to Punani not now, but right now.

Sorry, kid.

That's the only way.

What the fuck?

The psycho is almost dead.

Hey! Hey, you down there!

What the hell?

Get them down here!

True. Steve, you guys are looking back.

You're the fucking undead, Missy. You guys never shut up. Must be related to

Daryl or something.

All right, Captain Bonehead. Let's take a stroll down the mountain and get our

friend. You have no power over me.

Oh, really?

Then why not?

This was a half -wit plan.

Hey, do you mind if I get this on film?

There was a time that I believed you.

I believed that you could change, you could bury evil in the heart of you.

Curse? No curse, Lucy.

I loved you.

Then why Rachel?

I followed you into the woods that night.

I saw you writing in the book.

It was then that I knew that you could never change.

Once a serpent, always a serpent.

You have no idea what's in my heart.

I see only darkness.

Sadie! Is that a pendant in your pocket?

Yeah, being a virgin really sucks.

Move it. I sent him to recruitment.

Go ahead. I don't even know these guys.

Motherfucker, after all we've been through, seeing the Sadie and the

the fighting the killers and all the things, we got to go through this now.

what no one can see.

When my eyes are closed, I still see the horizon.

When nightfall comes, I know it's only a matter of time.

He called my bluff, and I was bluffing. They never kill him. They're always

bluffing. I should send you to hell.

But I want you to watch every painful moment as I destroy this

earth!

Who are these jokers?

It's about fucking dirt!

Oh, shit,

that can't be good.

What has happened?

Your daughter is dead. Who has been broken?

Good.

This rebellion must be crushed.

Stormy?

I've been waiting for this all my life.

Now all I want to do is run away with you.

So sweet.

Tonight, we die alone!

So, are you going to save the world, or just stand here all emotional?

You know, virgins really suck.

Hey, baby.

Wake up.

Is she alive, Dave?

You a dumbass. She's breathing, ain't she?

Daryl?

Don't think the poor boy made it.

Hey, man, smell like Date Duel Wustock over there, eh? Hey, the plan should

worked. What plan, Dave?

The plan.

Come on, boy.

You can do it.

Daryl!

You're alive!

Daryl! Come on, help him!

Guess you're not so crazy after all, old man.

You're still a half -wit, but I'm glad to see you made it.

Brothers and sisters!

Over here, ma 'am.

I've been through the gates of hell and got the finest guns ever from the devil

himself.

This is delicious.

You want some?

I know that you do.

Hey.

That's mine.

Now that I'm a werewolf, I don't think things are gonna work out between us.

Oh?

You jumping me? Now listen, I'm going to be seen as the bad guy.

Normal people out there just reading comic books, they're not going to

understand a werewolf or a human couple.

Hey, guys.

Think about a werewolf or a human or a witch.

The other kids are going to make fun of them, and I know what that's like.

Hey, look at that shit.

I think it's better if we part ways as werewolf and human friends.

Who said anything about being a human?

Tristan wanted to make sure I made it.

Guess a vampire werewolf love story ain't so bad, is it?

Do you hear something?

Hey,

you two have wits. Quit playing gray ass and look.

I've been waiting for this.

I don't want you to ever tell me you love me.

Okay, hold on. Whoever saves the penis gets an oatmeal cookie.

You'll hit the perfect endless moon and sky.

I'll be doing this, doing this. I'll be doing this.

I'll be doing this.

Thank you.

We seem like the world is falling in worldwide.

Life is happening.

It's happening.

I'm out of the dark to see my real hard ride.

I look in the asphalt on the highway side.

Put up beside me and I shoot with fear.

She looked at me and said, get inside, son.

Come on.

Come on.

She's there.

Come on.

She hates me around what I see.

I'm using bottles and bags of weed.

I'm doing 100 down the highway blind.

I'm doing 100 down the highway blind.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

She says, come on.

We'll hit the gas there.

Here we go.

Put the pedal to the blow.

Come on in.

I'll get you up, kid.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.