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1
00:00:01,953 --> 00:00:03,405
Thank you all for coming in early.
2
00:00:03,406 --> 00:00:06,706
Uh, there's been an unfortunate incident
3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,324
we need to discuss.
4
00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:09,692
- What's that in your ear?
- Nothing.
5
00:00:09,726 --> 00:00:11,194
I got it pierced. No big deal.
6
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,728
Oh, wait, hold up.
What are we working with here?
7
00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,864
Is that a... a snake
or a lightning bolt?
8
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:16,732
This is not what I'm here...
it's a guitar.
9
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:17,800
An electric guitar.
10
00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:19,802
Anyway, Roger from the café,
11
00:00:19,837 --> 00:00:22,004
as most of you may have heard,
has been let go,
12
00:00:22,039 --> 00:00:23,806
uh, for releasing a Facebook video
13
00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:24,974
in which he was behaving in a manner
14
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:26,809
that Cloud 9 does not condone.
15
00:00:26,851 --> 00:00:28,592
Just say it; he farted in the cups.
16
00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:30,813
- We all saw the video.
- What? I didn't see it.
17
00:00:30,848 --> 00:00:32,148
- It's been taken down.
- Guys...
18
00:00:32,182 --> 00:00:33,378
I saved it. I'll send it to you.
19
00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:35,251
- Thanks, man.
- I don't understand.
20
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:38,433
Who even thinks of farting in
cups as something to do?
21
00:00:38,434 --> 00:00:41,157
It's so gross!
Especially in the kitchen.
22
00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:43,860
If you think about it,
it's not that gross.
23
00:00:43,894 --> 00:00:45,561
Farts are just air.
24
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- Cheyenne, that's beautiful!
- But it's not exactly true.
25
00:00:48,717 --> 00:00:50,666
Fart air has billions
of fecal particles in it.
26
00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:53,125
I mean, that's what causes
the smell... feces in your nose.
27
00:00:53,126 --> 00:00:54,837
I thought the gas just smelled.
28
00:00:54,872 --> 00:00:56,539
- Fart ingredients.
- Okay, no...
29
00:00:56,573 --> 00:00:59,842
We don't need to do that.
That's... I think the lesson here
30
00:00:59,877 --> 00:01:02,248
is be careful what you post
on social media.
31
00:01:02,249 --> 00:01:05,181
Um, shouldn't the lesson be:
don't fart in cups?
32
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Yes. In a perfect world,
33
00:01:06,847 --> 00:01:09,694
people wouldn't fart in cups,
but we live in the real world.
34
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,287
Um, when you say "be careful,"
35
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what are we not allowed to post?
36
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Because I do a lot of Instagram videos
37
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and they can be pretty edgy.
38
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- Do you fart in cups?
- No.
39
00:01:20,519 --> 00:01:21,573
Then I think we're pretty good.
40
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You know what? I'm gonna take a look
41
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:23,836
at everybody's social media,
42
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make sure everything's above board.
43
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No, uh, that's not necessary.
44
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Everybody here can self-police.
45
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Uh, why self-police when
you can have actual police?
46
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[farting]
47
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Ha!
48
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Wait, these cups?
49
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[upbeat music]
50
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♪ But even the crowd can't help me now ♪
51
00:01:46,434 --> 00:01:48,241
Hey, guys. It's your girl, Kelly.
52
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,170
Check out how many balloons
this guy is buying.
53
00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:51,437
What are you guys watching?
54
00:01:51,438 --> 00:01:53,845
Kelly's Instagram videos.
They're adorable.
55
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It better be somebody's birthday!
56
00:01:55,641 --> 00:01:57,768
- [laughter]
- Too funny.
57
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But it probably was someone's birthday.
58
00:02:00,485 --> 00:02:02,439
I know, right? She nailed it.
59
00:02:02,474 --> 00:02:05,909
Okay, is the joke
that it's so boring, or...
60
00:02:05,944 --> 00:02:08,347
Oh, did you guys see
the one with the orange?
61
00:02:08,348 --> 00:02:09,713
- Wait.
- Hey, guys.
62
00:02:09,748 --> 00:02:11,248
It's your girl, Kelly.
63
00:02:11,282 --> 00:02:13,717
So I've been trying to open this orange
64
00:02:13,752 --> 00:02:15,452
for, like, five minutes. [Laughs]
65
00:02:15,487 --> 00:02:17,221
It's pretty much just unpeelable.
66
00:02:17,255 --> 00:02:18,889
Here, watch. [Giggles]
67
00:02:18,923 --> 00:02:21,425
Okay, seriously, that is my life.
68
00:02:21,459 --> 00:02:22,893
[chuckling]
69
00:02:22,927 --> 00:02:25,462
I don't understand this.
70
00:02:25,497 --> 00:02:28,899
I sent out a mass email
to all our rewards customers,
71
00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:31,235
you know, to apologize for...
72
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the attack on the cups,
73
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and look!
74
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"Dear, valued customer,
75
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"when humans eat food, it's
processed in the intestines,
76
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producing gas."
77
00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:42,413
Wow, you really took it from the top.
78
00:02:42,447 --> 00:02:43,847
Yeah, of course. But then look.
79
00:02:43,882 --> 00:02:45,482
A huge number of these things
80
00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,951
bounced back, and that makes me worried
81
00:02:47,986 --> 00:02:49,653
that it's either Russian hackers...
82
00:02:49,687 --> 00:02:50,821
Could be them. That's their style.
83
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Or I picked up a virus
84
00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:54,591
looking at those baptism videos, maybe.
85
00:02:54,626 --> 00:02:56,656
- That's where they are.
- Or...
86
00:02:57,562 --> 00:02:59,530
An employee's inventing fake customers.
87
00:02:59,564 --> 00:03:00,931
Why would anybody do that?
88
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,599
Well, because you get a dollar
89
00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:04,668
for every rewards card that you sign up.
90
00:03:04,702 --> 00:03:06,503
What? You get a dollar per Blue Card?
91
00:03:06,538 --> 00:03:08,539
- Since when?
- Since always.
92
00:03:08,573 --> 00:03:10,107
You know, so theoretically,
93
00:03:10,141 --> 00:03:12,142
employees could just fill out
a bunch of fake forms
94
00:03:12,177 --> 00:03:14,878
and over time, it...
God, that would really add up.
95
00:03:14,913 --> 00:03:17,181
That's... Something I can't
believe people haven't
96
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:18,982
- been doing the entire time.
- Yeah.
97
00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:20,684
It'd be almost impossible to trace.
98
00:03:20,718 --> 00:03:22,719
- I get it.
- Except...
99
00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,788
Almost all of these customers
100
00:03:24,823 --> 00:03:27,224
were signed up by the same employee.
101
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Really? Who?
102
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,828
I sign up a lot of... rewards customers.
103
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,464
I mean, I... can't remember
every single one.
104
00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:34,731
It's just that I noticed
105
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they seem to have really unusual names.
106
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Ned Duracell.
107
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Jim Toblerone.
108
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And just this morning, you signed up
109
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a Martin Nestle.
110
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Oh, Martin! Uh, yeah.
111
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I... I remember him.
112
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Uh, good guy. Nice family.
113
00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:55,219
Mateo, can you think of any reason
114
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why Martin's email bounced back?
115
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He gave me a fake email?
116
00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,693
That's one reason. Um...
117
00:04:02,727 --> 00:04:03,994
But another one is...
118
00:04:04,028 --> 00:04:06,530
a-and I'm not accusing you of this,
119
00:04:06,564 --> 00:04:08,646
but maybe...
120
00:04:09,601 --> 00:04:11,295
- You made him up?
- What?
121
00:04:12,203 --> 00:04:13,236
Glenn!
122
00:04:15,473 --> 00:04:16,316
Wow!
123
00:04:16,875 --> 00:04:18,208
Cheyenne? I need your help
124
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accessing people's social media
125
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before we have another scandal.
126
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I feel like that lady from "Scandal."
127
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Is her name Scandal?
128
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:27,851
Um, can't you just do it yourself?
129
00:04:27,886 --> 00:04:30,020
Don't do social media.
Never have. Never will.
130
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Don't want anyone tracking me.
131
00:04:31,456 --> 00:04:32,923
I only use the Internet for two things:
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buying birdseed, watching porn.
133
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Besides, it'll be fun.
134
00:04:37,061 --> 00:04:38,862
Couple of gals clickin' and a-clackin'
135
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around the net.
136
00:04:40,899 --> 00:04:43,567
Are you asking me,
or telling me I have to?
137
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:45,202
I'm telling you you have to,
138
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:47,638
but in a way that makes it
sound like I'm asking you.
139
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:49,706
Okay, then I guess I will.
140
00:04:49,741 --> 00:04:51,141
Are you sure?
141
00:04:51,175 --> 00:04:53,540
- Are you doing it again?
- Yeah.
142
00:04:54,145 --> 00:04:56,213
Hey, guys. It's your girl, Kelly.
143
00:04:56,247 --> 00:04:57,881
You know how sometimes
you get a shopping cart
144
00:04:57,916 --> 00:04:59,383
with a bad wheel?
145
00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:02,553
Well, this one has a really bad wheel.
146
00:05:02,587 --> 00:05:04,721
AKA, no wheel!
147
00:05:04,756 --> 00:05:06,723
- [laughs]
- Check it out!
148
00:05:06,758 --> 00:05:08,892
[laughter]
149
00:05:08,927 --> 00:05:10,761
Wheel fail!
150
00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:12,262
Wait, really?
151
00:05:12,992 --> 00:05:15,065
What am I missing here? This is lame.
152
00:05:15,099 --> 00:05:18,569
- No, I know! So lame.
- It's your girl, Kelly.
153
00:05:18,603 --> 00:05:20,137
I'm just having a little breakfast,
154
00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:22,472
the most important meal of the day,
155
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although some people refuse to eat it.
156
00:05:25,176 --> 00:05:26,777
All your cereals have marshmallows.
157
00:05:26,811 --> 00:05:28,412
It's like you're a nine-year-old.
158
00:05:28,446 --> 00:05:30,814
- Oh.
- Well, they're fun, Jonah.
159
00:05:32,116 --> 00:05:35,085
Hey, um, I might need a ride
home later today.
160
00:05:35,119 --> 00:05:36,853
Do you happen to know where Kelly lives?
161
00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:38,288
Uh, lemme see.
162
00:05:38,323 --> 00:05:41,658
I think I heard she lives
over in Soulard now.
163
00:05:41,693 --> 00:05:43,126
Okay, yeah, great.
164
00:05:43,161 --> 00:05:46,263
And um, what side of the bed
does she sleep on?
165
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Wh...
166
00:05:47,699 --> 00:05:49,600
Well, I don't... why would...
167
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:51,268
- You know.
- I know.
168
00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:55,105
I-I wasn't, like, trying to
not tell you or anything.
169
00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:56,506
We've just been kind of laying low.
170
00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:58,208
You know, it hasn't
actually been that long.
171
00:05:58,242 --> 00:06:00,110
Jonah, relax. It's fine.
172
00:06:00,144 --> 00:06:01,678
I think it's great. It's great.
173
00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:03,947
- Kelly's sweet.
- She is.
174
00:06:03,982 --> 00:06:05,649
And besides, I'm kind of relieved.
175
00:06:05,683 --> 00:06:07,951
I couldn't figure out why
you liked those dumb videos.
176
00:06:07,986 --> 00:06:09,620
- Dumb?
- I mean, I don't mean dumb.
177
00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:12,689
I just mean, like, "Ah,
I can't peel this orange."
178
00:06:12,724 --> 00:06:14,625
It's not exactly a TED talk.
179
00:06:14,659 --> 00:06:15,792
I like her videos.
180
00:06:15,827 --> 00:06:17,861
Mm-hmm. You like her something.
181
00:06:17,895 --> 00:06:20,030
Whatever. You know what?
You're just jealous.
182
00:06:20,064 --> 00:06:22,466
Uh, someone's flattering himself.
183
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,902
No, I meant jealous that
everybody loves her videos.
184
00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:28,839
Yeah, I know that's what you meant.
185
00:06:28,873 --> 00:06:30,907
And why would I be
jealous of her videos?
186
00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:34,077
Oh, she filmed herself microwaving ramen
187
00:06:34,112 --> 00:06:36,647
and she got 100 people to view it.
188
00:06:36,681 --> 00:06:38,215
Yeah, she's Sofia Coppola.
189
00:06:38,249 --> 00:06:39,983
- You couldn't do it.
- Please.
190
00:06:40,018 --> 00:06:41,918
You could get 100 people
to watch anything.
191
00:06:41,953 --> 00:06:43,487
Fine. Then do it.
192
00:06:43,521 --> 00:06:45,889
100 views by the end of the day...
193
00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:47,668
loser has to clean the rat traps.
194
00:06:47,669 --> 00:06:49,559
Okay, well then, you're on,
195
00:06:49,594 --> 00:06:51,161
and I hope you like dead rats.
196
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:53,925
- I hope you like failure.
- I hope you like...
197
00:06:54,599 --> 00:06:56,065
Me winning bets.
198
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:59,302
- Sick burn.
- Shut up!
199
00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:05,966
♪ It's getting late to give you up ♪
200
00:07:06,204 --> 00:07:08,872
Hi! It's Cloud9 Amy!
201
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,308
Comin' at you from Cloud 9...
202
00:07:11,342 --> 00:07:13,276
in St. Louis, Missouri,
203
00:07:13,311 --> 00:07:15,478
between aisles seven and eight.
204
00:07:15,513 --> 00:07:18,815
Oh, look! It's a two-for-one sale!
205
00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:21,284
How come you never hear of one-for-two?
206
00:07:21,319 --> 00:07:24,955
Oh, probably because no one
would ever pay twice as much.
207
00:07:24,989 --> 00:07:26,828
All right, that is bad.
208
00:07:29,527 --> 00:07:31,061
Can you please not watch me?
209
00:07:31,095 --> 00:07:33,630
How could I not? It's riveting.
210
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,368
Hi! It's Cloud 9 Amy!
211
00:07:38,402 --> 00:07:40,570
Hundreds of fake Blue Cards?
212
00:07:40,605 --> 00:07:42,172
How long have you been doing this?
213
00:07:42,206 --> 00:07:44,341
I started my second day.
I thought everyone did it!
214
00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:45,693
I mean, it's kind of obvious.
215
00:07:45,694 --> 00:07:47,043
Not to everyone.
216
00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:48,511
Oh, hey, Glenn!
217
00:07:48,546 --> 00:07:50,347
It was really bugging me
that Martin Nestle lied
218
00:07:50,381 --> 00:07:52,082
about his email address,
so I did some digging
219
00:07:52,116 --> 00:07:55,357
and I found his actual email
on his company website.
220
00:07:58,556 --> 00:08:01,324
Boogie-Time Boogie Boards, Incorporated.
221
00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:05,161
That doesn't look like a very
professional website, does it?
222
00:08:05,196 --> 00:08:06,763
I know, right?
223
00:08:06,797 --> 00:08:08,265
These beach bum types.
224
00:08:08,299 --> 00:08:10,500
[clears throat] Anyway...
225
00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:12,955
There he is. Martin Nestle, CEO.
226
00:08:14,038 --> 00:08:14,950
Huh.
227
00:08:15,573 --> 00:08:18,041
That looks like the guy from "Twilight."
228
00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:19,209
You saw "Twilight?"
229
00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:22,274
No. Jerusha said I shouldn't.
230
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:23,786
So I didn't.
231
00:08:24,749 --> 00:08:25,448
I mean...
232
00:08:25,483 --> 00:08:28,218
I guess it kinda looks like him
233
00:08:28,252 --> 00:08:31,221
if you squint. [Chuckles]
234
00:08:31,255 --> 00:08:32,789
It's so funny you know who that is.
235
00:08:32,823 --> 00:08:34,557
Hey, let's see if they have a page
236
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,559
for buying a boogie board on there, huh?
237
00:08:36,594 --> 00:08:38,228
I don't think that the link is up yet.
238
00:08:38,262 --> 00:08:39,562
Click on the "About," where it tells you
239
00:08:39,597 --> 00:08:41,734
the story of how the company started.
240
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,768
Excuse me, ma'am.
241
00:08:44,802 --> 00:08:46,636
Do you have a moment
to watch a short video?
242
00:08:46,637 --> 00:08:49,221
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just moved here from Tampa.
243
00:08:50,441 --> 00:08:52,720
Ooh, Garrett!
Have you watched my video yet?
244
00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:54,311
No. Why?
245
00:08:54,345 --> 00:08:55,578
'Cause I'm trying to prove to Jonah
246
00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:56,980
that I can get more views than Kelly.
247
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,149
- Oh, 'cause they're dating?
- What? No.
248
00:08:59,183 --> 00:09:00,417
That doesn't have
anything to do with it.
249
00:09:00,451 --> 00:09:01,918
This is about having a web presence.
250
00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:03,420
Jeez, Garrett, get with it.
251
00:09:03,454 --> 00:09:05,956
You're right.
I'll work on my self-awareness.
252
00:09:07,591 --> 00:09:10,136
Oh, come on! Still only 12 views.
253
00:09:13,097 --> 00:09:15,332
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers!
254
00:09:15,366 --> 00:09:17,580
Who likes viral videos?
255
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,337
Ma'am? Ma'am?
256
00:09:20,371 --> 00:09:22,005
Man, Facebook is a bust.
257
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,907
It's all baby photos and quizzes
258
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:26,120
about which "Longmire"
character you are.
259
00:09:26,121 --> 00:09:28,169
Cool. Then I guess we can stop?
260
00:09:28,578 --> 00:09:29,778
Hang on.
261
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,089
Elias went on a date with two women?
262
00:09:32,516 --> 00:09:35,518
It's probably just his
wife's sister or something.
263
00:09:35,553 --> 00:09:37,971
Mm, yeah. I don't think so.
264
00:09:39,031 --> 00:09:40,364
Oh, my God!
265
00:09:40,658 --> 00:09:42,325
Elias is in a throuple.
266
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,860
Throuple.
267
00:09:43,894 --> 00:09:46,529
Is that like when three hideous
people get together?
268
00:09:46,564 --> 00:09:48,031
- Just three people.
- Oh.
269
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:50,643
- But yeah, they usually are.
- Hmm.
270
00:09:51,469 --> 00:09:53,370
Hey, Glenn, there's a customer here
271
00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:56,172
- who wants to talk to a manager.
- Okay.
272
00:09:56,207 --> 00:09:58,274
Hello. Glenn Sturgis speaking.
273
00:09:58,309 --> 00:09:59,975
Yes, this is Martin Nestle.
274
00:10:01,991 --> 00:10:03,792
Well, hello, Mr. Nestle.
275
00:10:03,881 --> 00:10:04,647
Trace this call.
276
00:10:04,682 --> 00:10:06,816
Yeah, I don't have that technology.
277
00:10:06,851 --> 00:10:08,885
I signed up for a Blue Card
278
00:10:08,919 --> 00:10:11,654
and I think I may have
given the wrong email.
279
00:10:11,689 --> 00:10:14,991
Okay, well, thank you
for calling to tell us.
280
00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:16,826
Are you tracing this call?
281
00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:19,352
While I have you on the phone,
282
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,164
what'd you think of the employee
283
00:10:21,198 --> 00:10:22,665
who signed you up?
284
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,519
His name's Mateo.
285
00:10:24,993 --> 00:10:26,827
And I think he's a real dummy!
286
00:10:26,838 --> 00:10:28,606
A class A stinker!
287
00:10:28,906 --> 00:10:30,768
What are you saying about me?
288
00:10:31,776 --> 00:10:32,709
Oh.
289
00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:35,920
Mr. Sturgis, I need to get back to work.
290
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,334
Uh, okay, then. Well...
291
00:10:37,548 --> 00:10:39,416
h-have a heavenly day.
292
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:41,484
Oh. Who were you talking to?
293
00:10:41,519 --> 00:10:44,320
Martin Nestle.
294
00:10:44,355 --> 00:10:45,204
Oh.
295
00:10:47,665 --> 00:10:48,785
Lost the trace.
296
00:10:49,427 --> 00:10:52,122
[laughs] Did you know
Marcus has a podcast
297
00:10:52,123 --> 00:10:54,264
called "Celebrities I Would Bone,"
298
00:10:54,298 --> 00:10:56,032
and in every episode he just lists
299
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,600
celebrities he would bone.
300
00:10:57,635 --> 00:11:00,263
Man, there is an audience
out there for anything.
301
00:11:01,205 --> 00:11:03,206
Oh, wow. Okay, you're gonna love this.
302
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,076
Remember Anna who had to leave
to take care of her sick mom?
303
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:10,280
Well, turns out her sick mom
is also a boob surgeon!
304
00:11:10,314 --> 00:11:11,581
Wow!
305
00:11:11,615 --> 00:11:14,050
[chortles] He went too big.
306
00:11:14,085 --> 00:11:16,519
- She's gonna have back problems.
- Waste of money.
307
00:11:16,554 --> 00:11:17,887
She should've fixed her face first.
308
00:11:17,922 --> 00:11:20,090
- [chuckles] Yeah.
- Oh, whoops.
309
00:11:20,124 --> 00:11:22,258
You were supposed to go on
your break ten minutes ago.
310
00:11:22,293 --> 00:11:23,726
Oh, um, that's okay.
311
00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:25,895
I'll just sit here and
eat my lunch with you.
312
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,356
Safety always comes...
It's the bottom of the ninth.
313
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,992
What is this?
314
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,194
Just a woman going insane.
315
00:11:35,229 --> 00:11:36,829
Mark down-io! Yee-haw!
316
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,531
Howdy, partner. That was crazy.
317
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,200
How dem cows... Inventor-ium!
318
00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:42,368
Maybe if we took her phone away...
319
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,903
Don't even think about it.
320
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,504
[hip-hop music]
321
00:11:46,242 --> 00:11:47,775
Yo, yo, yo. It's Cloud 9 Amy
322
00:11:47,809 --> 00:11:49,691
doin' my trick.
323
00:11:49,692 --> 00:11:52,873
Zonin' this aisle to make it look sick!
324
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:55,374
You want batteries? I got loads of D's.
325
00:11:55,409 --> 00:11:57,710
And some frozen peas full of vitamin C!
326
00:11:57,744 --> 00:12:00,513
Self-check yourself
before you wreck yourself.
327
00:12:00,547 --> 00:12:03,516
Self-check yourself
before you wreck yourself.
328
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:07,019
Self-check yourself
before you wreck yourself.
329
00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:07,826
Get it?
330
00:12:09,056 --> 00:12:10,145
So?
331
00:12:11,391 --> 00:12:12,722
Wow, Amy.
332
00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:14,361
So fun.
333
00:12:15,095 --> 00:12:16,462
It's a work in progress,
334
00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:17,897
and... and I know it's corny.
335
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:20,766
That's what makes it funny. Right?
336
00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:22,034
Oh, yeah.
337
00:12:22,069 --> 00:12:23,302
Yeah, definitely.
338
00:12:23,337 --> 00:12:24,779
- So funny.
- Yeah.
339
00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:26,899
Okay.
340
00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:28,292
Thanks.
341
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,211
Is this because Jonah's dating Kelly?
342
00:12:32,246 --> 00:12:34,480
- Definitely.
- Yeah.
343
00:12:34,515 --> 00:12:36,899
I went to theater camp for two summers.
344
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,584
That was my Audrey II voice.
345
00:12:38,619 --> 00:12:40,253
Calm down. It was fine.
346
00:12:40,287 --> 00:12:42,755
There is no way you should've
gotten away with this.
347
00:12:42,789 --> 00:12:44,457
- You're just jealous.
- I am.
348
00:12:44,491 --> 00:12:45,992
And I'm not even trying to hide it.
349
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,828
Mateo, I want to apologize,
350
00:12:48,862 --> 00:12:51,163
both for the things
that I said about you,
351
00:12:51,198 --> 00:12:54,166
and for thinking that you would
ever make up a customer.
352
00:12:54,201 --> 00:12:56,302
Well, it's just hard.
353
00:12:56,336 --> 00:12:58,304
I was accused of a crime by my boss
354
00:12:58,338 --> 00:12:59,572
and role model.
355
00:12:59,606 --> 00:13:00,649
Take the win.
356
00:13:01,108 --> 00:13:02,408
I wanna make it up to you.
357
00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:03,645
How about lunch?
358
00:13:03,954 --> 00:13:05,344
We'll go up to the Beef Barn
359
00:13:05,379 --> 00:13:08,080
and get a... a table
right near the tractor?
360
00:13:08,115 --> 00:13:11,484
Uh, you know, I am actually
starting to get over it.
361
00:13:11,518 --> 00:13:13,586
Mateo, he's trying to apologize to you.
362
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:17,356
A nice, long lunch, just the two of you?
363
00:13:17,391 --> 00:13:19,659
Oh, so lucky!
364
00:13:19,693 --> 00:13:21,928
Glenn, you know,
maybe lunch isn't enough.
365
00:13:21,962 --> 00:13:24,630
- You were really rude to him.
- Oh, yeah, you were.
366
00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:27,934
Maybe stop by a few museums
or something on the way.
367
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:30,636
- I suppose we could.
- Lunch sounds great.
368
00:13:30,671 --> 00:13:32,838
- Lunch.
- Terrific.
369
00:13:32,873 --> 00:13:34,040
I can't wait!
370
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,274
[sighs]
371
00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:36,152
Hmm.
372
00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:38,644
I'm feeling less jealous.
373
00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:43,382
Kate Upton, Arianna Grande,
Serena Williams,
374
00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:47,453
1994 Meryl Streep, 1995 Meryl Streep,
375
00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,322
and the "Wonder Woman" chick.
376
00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:52,191
"Celebrities I Would Bone" is
brought to you by Blue Apron,
377
00:13:52,225 --> 00:13:53,626
a better way to cook...
378
00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:55,807
God, that hour flies by.
379
00:13:56,997 --> 00:13:58,497
Ahhh!
380
00:13:58,532 --> 00:14:01,000
Head into the kitchen where
we make our tasty treats.
381
00:14:01,034 --> 00:14:03,970
Y'all can just kick it
while I drop this sick beat.
382
00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:08,908
[beat-boxing]
383
00:14:08,942 --> 00:14:10,003
This is stupid.
384
00:14:10,777 --> 00:14:13,833
These videos are so stupid.
385
00:14:20,787 --> 00:14:22,993
Two women want that inside them.
386
00:14:24,591 --> 00:14:27,159
What would it take to get
you to sleep with Elias?
387
00:14:27,194 --> 00:14:28,728
$435 grand.
388
00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:30,062
I have a figure for everyone here.
389
00:14:30,097 --> 00:14:32,153
Yours is only 75 bucks, by the way.
390
00:14:32,866 --> 00:14:34,839
Oh, thank you.
391
00:14:35,936 --> 00:14:36,836
What about Glenn?
392
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,338
There's not enough money in the world.
393
00:14:39,373 --> 00:14:42,074
[beat-boxing]
394
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:44,879
This is so stupid.
395
00:14:45,479 --> 00:14:47,880
All of these videos are stupid.
396
00:14:47,914 --> 00:14:50,583
Not everything needs to be documented.
397
00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:51,951
Look at where I am!
398
00:14:51,985 --> 00:14:54,020
Look at what I ate for lunch today.
399
00:14:54,054 --> 00:14:55,788
Nobody cares!
400
00:14:55,822 --> 00:14:59,125
We're all becoming these
narcissistic attention whores.
401
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,127
How about we actually...
Okay, at some point
402
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:02,928
she's gotta see the rats.
403
00:15:02,963 --> 00:15:05,931
Well, you know what? Watch, don't watch,
404
00:15:05,966 --> 00:15:07,400
I don't care.
405
00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:09,702
But if you like what you saw,
you can follow me on Snapchat,
406
00:15:09,736 --> 00:15:13,372
Instagram, and Twitter on @Cloud9AmyD.
407
00:15:13,407 --> 00:15:15,374
I don't think she saw the rats.
408
00:15:15,409 --> 00:15:16,909
I don't think so.
409
00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:20,746
I am really looking
forward to this, Mateo.
410
00:15:20,781 --> 00:15:23,883
I don't get to take my
employees to lunch very often.
411
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:25,751
Well, only the lucky ones, I guess.
412
00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,820
Yeah, I got to take Jonah to lunch once.
413
00:15:27,854 --> 00:15:29,555
I really got to know him.
414
00:15:29,589 --> 00:15:31,957
You know, his interests, his background,
415
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:33,726
his voice.
416
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,927
Oh?
417
00:15:34,961 --> 00:15:37,329
Hey, and since we're going to Clayton,
418
00:15:37,364 --> 00:15:38,731
you know what's on the way?
419
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:40,966
Martin Nestle's office.
420
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,684
Maybe we should drop by.
421
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:46,272
Unless there's some reason
you don't wanna go.
422
00:15:46,306 --> 00:15:47,452
Nope.
423
00:15:47,974 --> 00:15:49,940
I would... love to visit Martin.
424
00:15:50,444 --> 00:15:51,610
Great.
425
00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:53,179
- Great.
- Great.
426
00:15:54,114 --> 00:15:55,147
Great.
427
00:15:55,149 --> 00:15:56,382
Great.
428
00:15:57,651 --> 00:16:00,319
Oh, hey, Jonah, will you help
me read something real quick?
429
00:16:00,353 --> 00:16:04,190
Bam! 15,000 views!
430
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,458
Ha-ha!
431
00:16:05,492 --> 00:16:07,193
- Yep.
- And I only posted it
432
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:10,429
half an hour ago, which means
there must be a real appetite
433
00:16:10,464 --> 00:16:12,465
for smart social commentary.
434
00:16:12,499 --> 00:16:14,800
I guess I'm cleaning the rat traps.
435
00:16:14,835 --> 00:16:16,635
Yeah. I guess you are.
436
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:19,004
Oh, hey, speaking of the rat traps,
437
00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:21,507
did you get a chance to watch the video
438
00:16:21,541 --> 00:16:22,608
before you posted it?
439
00:16:22,642 --> 00:16:24,343
No. Why?
440
00:16:24,377 --> 00:16:25,978
I know I never explicitly said
441
00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:29,381
not to post videos of rat
infestations in the kitchen,
442
00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:32,251
but I thought I didn't need to.
443
00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:39,065
Look, I'm sorry.
444
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,601
I should have watched the
video before I posted it.
445
00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:44,570
How 'bout if we just stop
posting videos of the store,
446
00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,138
- period.
- Whoa! No way!
447
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,607
- Aw!
- That's not fair!
448
00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:49,575
Amy's screw up shouldn't
overshadow the fact
449
00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:51,777
that there's some really
terrific filmmaking going on.
450
00:16:51,812 --> 00:16:53,379
- Like Kelly's.
- Yes.
451
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,214
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
452
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:56,749
Okay, I'm gonna start compiling a list
453
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,618
of all the things we should
not be posting about,
454
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:00,887
starting with farting in
cups and rat infestations.
455
00:17:00,921 --> 00:17:03,207
Again, didn't know the rats were there.
456
00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:04,375
Why did you have to make a video at all?
457
00:17:04,409 --> 00:17:05,876
- Is it about fame?
- No!
458
00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:07,402
Murdering a clown.
459
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:09,980
What?
460
00:17:10,015 --> 00:17:10,981
That's something that
461
00:17:11,016 --> 00:17:12,316
we shouldn't post online.
462
00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:13,517
- Murdering a clown?
- Mm-hmm.
463
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:16,220
Okay. "Murdering a clown."
464
00:17:16,254 --> 00:17:17,855
You could just write "anything illegal."
465
00:17:17,889 --> 00:17:19,890
Look, Amy, are you
going through some kind of
466
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,392
a midlife crisis, is that it?
467
00:17:21,426 --> 00:17:22,593
Is that a new earring?
468
00:17:22,627 --> 00:17:24,361
- Yes, it's a peace sign.
- No.
469
00:17:24,396 --> 00:17:26,163
I was just trying to prove
that I could make a video
470
00:17:26,197 --> 00:17:27,865
that could get a bunch of views.
471
00:17:27,899 --> 00:17:30,267
Does this have something to
do with Jonah dating Kelly?
472
00:17:30,301 --> 00:17:31,368
- Jonah and Kelly?
- Whoa!
473
00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:32,870
- What?
- What? No!
474
00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:34,405
- I knew it.
- Come on.
475
00:17:34,439 --> 00:17:36,340
We were gonna keep that a secret.
476
00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:37,775
Well, then maybe you
shouldn't have posted about it
477
00:17:37,809 --> 00:17:39,076
on the Internet.
478
00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:40,711
- Thank you.
- Do we need to fill out
479
00:17:40,745 --> 00:17:42,546
one of those relationship disclosures?
480
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:44,381
Oh, I'm sorry, you want
to know if you need to
481
00:17:44,416 --> 00:17:47,117
let Corporate know that two
low-level floor workers
482
00:17:47,152 --> 00:17:49,053
are in a relationship? Yeah, I'm su...
483
00:17:49,087 --> 00:17:50,354
Let me call a board meeting.
484
00:17:50,388 --> 00:17:51,922
Feels like misplaced aggression.
485
00:17:51,956 --> 00:17:53,524
Are we calling it a relationship?
486
00:17:53,558 --> 00:17:55,092
- Oh, I just meant for the...
- No, I mean... I mean...
487
00:17:55,126 --> 00:17:56,960
- Are you...
- Okay, if you...
488
00:17:56,995 --> 00:17:58,762
Yeah, no. I'm... I'm cool.
489
00:17:58,797 --> 00:18:01,532
- Cool.
- Cool.
490
00:18:01,566 --> 00:18:05,936
♪ I hear the secrets that you keep ♪
491
00:18:05,970 --> 00:18:08,505
♪ When you're talking in your sleep ♪
492
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:16,580
Weird that this is
a boogie board company.
493
00:18:17,342 --> 00:18:19,616
Guess he runs his business
out of his home?
494
00:18:19,651 --> 00:18:20,490
Less overhead.
495
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:21,443
Mm.
496
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:25,554
[sighs]
497
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:28,092
Well, he's obviously
not here, so we sh...
498
00:18:28,126 --> 00:18:29,960
- Hello?
- Oh, hello.
499
00:18:29,994 --> 00:18:32,296
- Hello.
- So sorry to bother you,
500
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:36,233
- but is Martin Nestle here?
- Who?
501
00:18:36,267 --> 00:18:38,502
Martin Nestle.
502
00:18:38,536 --> 00:18:42,172
This is Boogie-Time Boogie
Board, Incorporated, isn't it?
503
00:18:42,207 --> 00:18:43,881
What's a boogie board?
504
00:18:43,882 --> 00:18:45,609
And 11 stitches there.
505
00:18:45,643 --> 00:18:47,845
Wow. You really do have a lot of scars.
506
00:18:47,879 --> 00:18:49,313
Well, that's why I switched to birds.
507
00:18:49,347 --> 00:18:50,848
Chimps are very violent.
508
00:18:50,882 --> 00:18:53,016
And they're constantly masturbating.
509
00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:54,451
Birds do it less.
510
00:18:54,486 --> 00:18:55,853
And when a bird orgasms,
511
00:18:55,887 --> 00:18:58,655
it's the most beautiful song
you've ever heard.
512
00:18:58,690 --> 00:18:59,857
That's cool.
513
00:18:59,891 --> 00:19:02,159
It is. It is cool.
514
00:19:02,193 --> 00:19:04,161
Gosh. [Sighs]
515
00:19:04,195 --> 00:19:05,763
You know, I'm actually almost excited
516
00:19:05,797 --> 00:19:07,865
Roger decided to fart
in all those cups and film it,
517
00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:09,500
because...
518
00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:12,359
It gave us a chance to get
to know each other better.
519
00:19:14,339 --> 00:19:15,939
You wanna know something funny?
520
00:19:15,974 --> 00:19:17,973
Uh, yeah!
521
00:19:19,177 --> 00:19:21,311
I was the one who filmed him doing it.
522
00:19:21,346 --> 00:19:23,514
- Stop.
- Plus, I dared him to do it.
523
00:19:23,548 --> 00:19:26,049
I was like, "I bet you can't
fart into those cups,"
524
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:27,684
even though I totally knew he could.
525
00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:31,188
[laughs] That's hilarious!
526
00:19:31,222 --> 00:19:32,956
I know, right?
527
00:19:32,991 --> 00:19:35,926
[laughter]
528
00:19:38,329 --> 00:19:39,897
- Oh, my gosh.
- [laughing]
529
00:19:39,931 --> 00:19:44,234
Well, I... I just gotta go grab the form
530
00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:46,703
to write you up. [Laughs]
531
00:19:46,738 --> 00:19:49,239
Oh, but thank you so much
for sharing that with me.
532
00:19:49,274 --> 00:19:50,662
It means a lot.
533
00:19:51,342 --> 00:19:53,232
Oh, my God.
534
00:19:57,382 --> 00:20:00,054
So, I guess that's it then.
535
00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:03,760
There's no Martin Nestle!
536
00:20:05,023 --> 00:20:06,390
I made him up.
537
00:20:06,424 --> 00:20:07,943
I made them all up,
538
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,394
but I am sorry.
539
00:20:10,428 --> 00:20:13,030
See? That, I find difficult to believe.
540
00:20:13,064 --> 00:20:16,333
Okay, what can I do
to show you that I mean it?
541
00:20:16,948 --> 00:20:17,970
Well...
542
00:20:20,438 --> 00:20:22,573
Let me just make a quick call.
543
00:20:22,607 --> 00:20:25,909
Oh, you don't really have to
clean out the rat traps.
544
00:20:25,944 --> 00:20:29,079
Ah-ah-ah, a bet is a bet, and you won.
545
00:20:29,113 --> 00:20:31,949
Yeah, that's not exactly
how I wanted to win.
546
00:20:31,983 --> 00:20:33,083
Here, I'll give you a hand.
547
00:20:33,117 --> 00:20:35,419
All right! Let's do this.
548
00:20:35,453 --> 00:20:37,588
- All right.
- Oh! You already have help.
549
00:20:37,622 --> 00:20:40,424
Oh, well, I worked fast food
jobs through high school,
550
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:43,227
so I know my way around a rat trap.
551
00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:45,295
- [laughs]
- So many talents.
552
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,030
- [giggles]
- Your weapon.
553
00:20:47,065 --> 00:20:48,398
All right. Oh.
554
00:20:48,433 --> 00:20:49,766
[both giggling]
555
00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:52,269
Okay, well, then I guess
I will just, uh,
556
00:20:52,303 --> 00:20:53,904
- leave you to it.
- Bye!
557
00:20:53,938 --> 00:20:56,240
Later.
558
00:20:56,274 --> 00:20:59,943
Fun fact. That is just blueberry soda.
559
00:20:59,978 --> 00:21:03,013
[both giggling]
560
00:21:04,182 --> 00:21:08,886
I now baptize you for
the forgiveness of your sins!
561
00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:14,591
[sputters]
562
00:21:15,493 --> 00:21:16,627
I feel it working.
563
00:21:16,661 --> 00:21:18,729
That's the Jesus!
564
00:21:18,763 --> 00:21:22,432
Now, come on, I'll buy you
that magnet from the gift shop.
565
00:21:22,433 --> 00:21:25,618
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
40504
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